Cadbury and I went to a schooling show last weekend. Only
the second show I've ever been to as a participant in my life.

The photos are up at:
http://www.jtsportphotos.com/actionphotos/dressage617.html

Scroll all the way down to
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Yes, I am holding my breath. Did you know the record is now
9 minutes. Luckily my test was only 4 :)

And, yes when I saluted I did "drop" my reins. I don't
think you are supposed to do that ;)

Further down you can find some lovely photos of
Margie Hutchinson (Rolex rider) jumping.
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It took Al a year to train him. (yeah, he is a bit different Al had said)
It took me 2 years to break him and my confidence
totally and 5 years to be together again to where we are now.

When Cad came back from Al, I could ride him. I brought him home in late
fall. I was able to take him to a 20 mile pleasure ride when Lance was sick.
We put the
Arabs into the ground with Cad's power and speed. And, so the next spring I
fitted him up for a ride. We did a 30 mile ride got 5th place. And, I
thought we
were doing ok except I knew we were not together. I thought I could hang on
to what we had. He just did what he thought was right which always felt too
fast
and usually was. I kept trying to slow him down and losing confidence. At
that
30 mile ride he wouldn't load to go home. He'd always loaded before and
suddenly
I had no tools. 3 hours later, I finally got him on, but the first real
thread had
begun to unravel.

Then, I took him with my stallion, Lance, to NJ for the spring to condition
further. It was there
while trying to ride with someone that he bucked for the first time. I know
now, that
we were not communicating and he was having to shout louder and louder. I
STILL
rode him. But, now I was coming off more and more as he would buck and spin
and drop his shoulder when he would spook. And, he'd spook with no warning.
I was getting less and less confident.

I could not get what Al did and that was very frustrating. And, Cad
knew that I was not there for him like Al was and he was frustrated as well.

I started to put more and more "stuff" on to try to rate him and keep him
under control. It was horrible. He just wouldn't learn. When we had
our final wreck is when I decided to try clicker training. Although,
I was still too arrogant to figure out that communication with
a horse that didn't speak the same language was the answer.

It was still me directing him. No partnership. In my ego I
decided that clicker training was a crutch and I kept going
to other clinics like Leslie Desmond and others. I was still
looking for that "riding" magic bullet.

We were well under way with clicker training and I was getting
good results but I kept thinking that if only I was a better
rider I wouldn't "need" clicker training. After all, Al didn't
use clicker training.

It was at a Leslie Desmond clinic that we lost it again.
I'm a slow learner. I was a slow learner. I persisted even
when it wasn't working. Cad bolted twice. The second time,
the stirrup came off the saddle and I was riding in a field
next to a fairly busy road. When I finally got him stopped
Leslie just said "Did you have fun?" I snapped. I told
her that if I could have clicked none of this would have
happened. And, I was petrified. She said "get over it"

Overnight, I finally got it. I was not communicating with Cad.
I was just riding. I wasn't listening. He was getting me out
of Dodge where he knew I was scared in the only way he
knew how. And, I wasn't listening. The next morning I
had a breakdown with Leslie. And, I went and got Cad
took him to the same arena and worked with clicker
training him. He was perfect. And I never looked back.

The journey back for us has taken years. One small
step at a time. We only just started cantering again
last year. I think it was about a 2 year cycle for me
to totally lose it and its been 5 years rebuilding.

At the dressage show, ironically, the main comment
was that we were not forward enough. And, years
ago at the Desmond clinic people thought I was
riding him that fast on purpose. I guess we "looked"
OK. We were not.

So, now we are here at the point of being able to balance
all of his power and grace into "too slow" or just right or
even eye watering fast if we want it. And, he is happy
to do what ever. Even yesterday, he was able to
"fill in" for me while I was in total panic.

I hope this answers any questions. Maybe you have
experienced the part about breaking your china cup
as well. With clicker training we glue it back and
like the bionic woman it is better than we ever new.
But, we need to rebuild it bit by shattered bit.

Our horses get re-built, then we get re-built bit by bit. Never
look to see how fast you can move forward, but how
fast you can get back to the starting point. It's by
going back and forward again that the smoothness
takes place. And, when you know how to get back
you feel safe.

Think about how it would feel to leave a strange
place and not know how to get back. Taking
each step would feel like a mile. But, if you knew,
positively knew, how to get back you can gently and
easily add a new vista to your view.

This is the power gluing that china cup together bit
by wonderful bit. We learn where all the pieces go.
And, so we know how to get back to where we
need to be. So the next time, we may not get
as far off course before going back.

From my students I have learned that somehow never
going back is trained into us. If we would only "ride"
or go through it we would be OK. But, I have found
that that is not the case. Going back to a starting
point is always the best. Get off, re-build, re-set.

Being not afraid to go back, to stop to start over,
that's what gives us the freedom to begin again.

Zen equals ALWAYS be the beginner. From the
place of the knowing nothing there is power to learn.

Dolores Arste
(518) 882 6485
http://www.zenguidance.com

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