Just what you need to start the day, the latest from Dorothy Nobis.
Enjoy! -K-
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Sunday, June 15, 2008 
It's a party - a pity party

By Dorothy Nobis The Daily Times
Article Launched: 06/14/2008 12:00:00 AM MDT

I've ordered the cake, bought the black balloons, took my finest plastic
wine glasses out of my china hutch, and stocked up on vintage white zin,
in addition to my newest favorite adult beverage, mango mojitos.

I've got black crepe paper streamers to hang from my ceiling fan, and
pulled out all my sad songs for good measure. I mailed the invitations
and followed up with e-mails to those who have not yet put me on their
"do not accept" lists. I've tidied up the house, cleaned the litter box
and got the Cat Who Won't Stop Talking's little bow tie out of
mothballs.

I am ready for the pity party.

I discovered this week that there are some NASCAR drivers who are barely
making minimum wage, whatever that might be in stock car racing. I found
out that some of 'em are prob'ly having a tough time making ends meet,
and I'm throwin' a party for them because I care. I'm gonna pass the
collection plate and divvy up the proceeds among 'em.

Juan Pablo Montoya made only an estimated $6 million last year, people,
but in order to receive that paycheck, he gave up most of his rights to
his commercial-sponsorship programs. That, my friends, remains with his
team, Chip Ganassi Racing. Now how in the world is JP going to survive
on just $6 mil annually is beyond me. He prob'ly has to pack a lunch
when he goes to the track, and he prob'ly utilizes public transportation
to get to and from work.

Then there's the arrogant and insufferable duo of Kyle Busch and Denny
Hamlin, who are both guaranteed $10 million a year, whether or not they
ever get to carry the checkered flag around the track. To his credit,
Boo-hoo Busch is steamrolling most of the other drivers in the wins
column.

But to be on the winning streak he's on and know that he's only
guaranteed $10 mil is enough to make him order his own M&Ms that say
"Poor Me." Busch and Hamlin will get a little more, though, if their
winnings, endorsement and merchandise royalties are good. For those of
you who, for whatever reason, like Busch and Hamlin, you might want to
buy lotsa M&Ms and send all your packages via FedEx to help 'em out.
After all, what are friends for?

For Tony the Tiger, the $700,000 he's going to get out of the estimated
$4 million from Subway to be a primary sponsor of the 20 car for three
races this year is enough to make me add him as a beneficiary to my
$10,000 life insurance policy. I'm sure the Perfect Children will
understand if I put Tony as the primary, donchathink? I'm not sure how
much Tony gets annually, but I'm just hopin' he gets discount coupons
from Home Depot for his home-improvement projects. It's the least they
can do.

I'm also hoping Pepsi delivers soda to the Gordon home on a regular
basis. When you're only making $32 million off the racetrack as Jeff
Gordon did last year, there may not be enough money to cover household
expenses, let alone the added bonus of soda. I'll bet the Gordons buy
the store brands, shop at Big Lots and rarely go out for dinner on that
little bit of extra cash. 'Scuse me while I blot my tears and blow my
nose.

Then there's Dale Earnhardt Jr. Now y'all know how I feel about "e." The
fact that Junior is forced to make due with just $31 million, most of
which came from PepsiCo, Anheuser-Busch and Adidas, just breaks my
heart. How in the world can they expect Junior to get by on a paltry $31
mil? Is that fair? It's a good thing one of his endorsements is for
Adidas, on accounta they prob'ly provide him with shoes, so's he doesn't
have to go barefoot. And I'm hoping he gets his Buds for free and enough
Pepsi and AMP to stock his fridge for when his buddies come over,
knowhatimean?

With Gordon topping the list for most money earned off the track and "e"
coming in second, one has to worry about those who are further down the
list. Can they make it, or do they have to rely on mom and dad for
financial help? Do they write home for money when they don't finish in
the top 10? Do they stop along the side of the road and pick up aluminum
cans to sell when they get to the next track for lunch money?

I don't know about y'all, but I might be able to get by on a couple mil
a year, even though I'd have to do major cutbacks in my lifestyle. I'd
prob'ly have to give up my wine crawl space, on accounta I couldn't
afford vintage white zin to put in it. And I wouldn't be able to enjoy
my Happy Meal at Mickey D's as often, which would seriously cut into my
social life, which revolves around dinner under the golden arches.

It's gotta be tough for those NASCAR drivers to stay afloat. They
probably live paycheck to paycheck, always borrowing from Peter to pay
Paul. Yep, I'm gonna have the pity party. I'm gonna raise my plastic
glass of vintage white zin and extend my sympathies to 'em. It's only
fair, since my lifestyle is so much better than theirs, donchathink?

Farmington Daily Times
Address:http://www.daily-times.com/sports/ci_9582910

Whatever it takes......