Jim Souhan: Search for clues to Vikings' disarray coming up 'M.T.'
Jim Souhan, Star Tribune
October 3, 2005



ATLANTA -- As Mike Tice spoke, his baritone, softer than usual,
echoed off the cement walls outside the Vikings' locker room at the
Georgia Dome, competing with loud beeps emitted by a large truck
moving in reverse.

This grating sound- track accompanied another Tice session during
which he sonorously explained nothing, certainly not why his team
again looked as lost as a snowmobile in Buckhead.

Four games into Tice's defining season, the Vikings are a poorly
constructed, badly coached hodgepodge of confused players and
muddled ideas.

They have mustered one competent quarter of offense this season and
plucked their only victory from Hurricane Katrina's most famous
evacuees.

Sunday afternoon at the Georgia Dome, the Vikings burned while Tice
fiddled with his play chart, staring at the laminated plastic as if
there were Tarot cards hidden beneath the colored inks.

Culpepper was sacked nine times, threw two INTs and lost a
fumble.Brian BahrGetty ImagesHis counterpart, the inexperienced but
savvy Jim Mora, unveiled precise plays and fiery players and
controlled every minute of this 30-10 whipping.

Tice's answer was to unveil his one secret weapon: Erasmus James,
007.

James, their first-round draft pick, was the rare Viking who made an
impact. That he made it late and out of bounds is irrelevant. He
still gets a game ball for locating the ball, which often
disappeared from the GPS of other Vikings defenders.

James slammed into Falcons running back Warrick Dunn about 5 yards
out of bounds on one play, drawing a flag, and his quasi-excessive
hit on the wondrous Michael Vick knocked Vick out of the game
because of a sprained knee.

A good team would take advantage of such luck, or malevolence. A bad
team turns Vick's backup -- Matt Schaub, who like Vick has multiple
feet -- into Barry Sanders.

Before being invited to tour the Grand Canyons of the Vikings
defense on Sunday, Schaub was known for running much in the way Bud
Grant was known for fashion.

Didn't matter. The first two times Schaub pulled the ball down
against the Purple, he gained 44 yards. Because the Vikings
inexplicably called a timeout that allowed the Falcons to conserve
theirs, those plays gave the Falcons the field goal that made it 24-
0 with one second left in the half.

Combine that reverse clock management with penalties, turnovers,
terrible pass protection and the transformation of a Pro Bowl
quarterback into Spergon Wynn on steroids, and you have a lost
season.

Unless you remember that the Vikings are a charter member of the NFC
North, the division where ambition goes to die. Sunday, the Vikings
kept pace with their backsliding brethren, meaning an NFC Noxious
title is within reach of any team with a pulse and a clue.

Which compels the Vikings to find one of each.

How do you transform an underachieving team during a bye week?

You could say "Change the quarterback," but this is Culpepper's
team, once for better and lately for worse, and while Brad Johnson
might make quicker decisions, he'd also get dismembered by the pass
rush.

The Vikings have already changed running backs, oh, 43 times,
belatedly making the right decision and choosing the estimable
Mewelde Moore.

So, should Zygi Wilf find a new coach?

In October, that means promoting a coordinator or hiring a retiree.
Zygi's choices would be the likes of Ted Cottrell (not the way this
defense is playing), Mike Ditka (he'd live in the Braemar Golf
Dome), Jimmy Johnson (not enough sun lamps in Minnesota) and ol' Bud
(but it's always hunting season somewhere).

Bud's son, Eden Prairie coach Mike Grant, would be at the top of the
list, if he hadn't lost to Chaska this week.

Sunday's forced nap was headed for another 41-donut embarrassment
before the Vikings defense held on a fourth-and-short and the
offense salvaged a couple of scores, reminding us that these players
appear to care.

That's why this four-week stretch of bad football is so revolting --
there is talent on this roster, and there is exertion on the field,
but the players look confused and overwhelmed.

It might be difficult to replace an NFL coach in early October, but,
like a large truck in a small space, you can hear Tice's tenure
grinding into reverse.