What you are about to read might sound unusual but it could be very enlightened.

Treat your children fairly
Priase be to Allaah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger Muhammad and
upon his family and companions.
Allaah has enjoined upon children to honour and respect their parents. He has
made the parents' rights very great and has connected duties towards to parents
to duties towards Him and the obligation to worship Him alone (Tawheed). Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Worship Allaah and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents…”
[al-Nisaa' 4:36]
And Allaah has given the children rights over their parents, such as education
and a good upbringing, spending on their needs, and treating them fairly.
One of the bad social phenomena that are to be found in some families is the
lack of fair treatment towards the children. Some fathers and mothers
deliberately give gifts to some of their children and not others. According to
the correct view, this is a haraam action, unless there is some justification
for it, such as one child having a need that the others do not have, e.g.,
sickness; debt; a reward for memorizing the Qur'aan; not being able to find
work; having a large family; full-time studies, etc. The parent should have the
intention - when giving something to one of his children for a legitimate
(shar'i) reason - that he will do the same of any of his other children should
the need arise. The general evidence (daleel) for this is the aayah
(interpretation of the meaning):

“Be just: that is nearer to piety; and fear Allaah.” [al-Maa'idah 5:8].
The specific evidence is the hadeeth narrated from al-Nu'maan ibn Basheer (may
Allaah be pleased with him), who said that his father brought him to the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “I
have given this son of mine a slave that I had.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Have you given something similar to
all of your children?” He said, “No.” So the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Then take (the slave) back.” According
to another report, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: “Fear Allaah and be fair to your children.” He said: so he came
back and took

his gift back. According to another report, “Do not ask me to bear witness to
this, for I will not bear witness to injustice.”
A male should be given the share of two females, as is the case with
inheritance. This is the view of Imaam Ahmad (may Allaah have mercy on him).
Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim explained it in detail in his footnote on Abu Dawood. Anyone
who looks at the state of affairs in some families will note that some of those
parents who do not fear Allaah favour some of their children over others when it
comes to gift-giving. This fills the hearts of the children with hatred towards
one another and sows the seeds of enmity. A father might give gifts to one child
because he (the child) resembles his paternal uncles, and withhold gifts from
another because he resembles his maternal uncles; he might give to the children
of one wife things that he does not give to the children of another; or he might
put the children of one wife but not the children of another into private
schools. This will backfire on him, because in many cases the child who has been
deprived will not honour his father in the future. The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to the man who had preferred one of his
children over others in giving him a gift: “Would you not like all of them to
honour you equally?”
One of the Salaf said: “Their rights over you are that you should treat them all
fairly, and your right over them is that they should honour you.”
Another way in which parents fail to treat their children fairly is when they
bequeath something in their will to some of their children, or they give them
more than the share allocated to them by sharee'ah, or they deny some of their
children their inheritance. Some women bequeath their gold to their daughters
and not their sons, despite the fact that it is a part of the inheritance, or a
woman might state in her will that a gift given to her by one of her children
should be given back to him after she dies, claiming that she is being kind to
him just as he was kind to her. All of this is not permitted, because there is
no bequest to an heir [i.e., one cannot bequeath something to one of the heirs
whose share is dictated by sharee'ah]. Whatever was a part of the possessions of
the mother or father who has died belongs to all the heirs and is to be shared
out according to the laws enjoined by Allaah.
Each parent should remind the other if he or she is not being fair and should
stand firm on this issue, so that justice will be established. This includes
referring matters to scholars as is indicated in the report which follows the
hadeeth of al-Nu'maan ibn Basheer who said:
“My father gave me some of his wealth, and my mother 'Amrah bint Rawaahah said:
'I will not accept this until you ask the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) to bear witness to it.' So my father went to
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to ask him to bear
witness to the gift he had given me. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him, 'Have you done this for all your
children?' He said, 'No.' He said, 'Fear Allaah and treat all your children
fairly.' So my father came back and took back his gift.”
We ask Allaah to help us to honour our parents and to treat our children fairly,
and to adhere steadfastly to our religion.
May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.


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