< <  ============================================   > >

THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© 2005 P.Chamlis/
The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved

< <  ============================================   > >

Hello Propheteers!   I hope you're enjoying the bowl games so far.
The good news is that Prophet is actually over .500 at this point.
I am notorious for missing bowl games, so maybe this is the start of
something new and exciting.  Maybe not.  But, thanks to everyone who
wrote last week saying how much they enjoyed the first bowl issue.
I always prefer being funny over being accurate.  ;)

Speaking of being funny, gotta share this with y'all...

A couple of days ago, our local newspaper ran an article about
research being done at the Lincoln Park Zoo in Chicago.  Apparently,
they've discovered that female gorillas go through menopause.
Gasp.  Jeezus, now we know why male gorillas, especially older ones,
beat their chests all the time.  :)

But seriously, what the HELL good is this research?  I'm sure there
are tax dollars involved, and I, for one, would like my taxes spent
on something more useful.  What are we gonna do about this menopause
thing in the gorilla world?  Are we going to send veterinary hit
squads out into the jungles of Rwanda armed with hormone-replacement
therapy darts?   And what about hippie gorillas who'd prefer a
natural therapy?  Will we give them soy-protein based banana
substitutes?   I don't even want to think about the dreaded "L"
word.  (lubrication)

But one point I'd like to make.  Is there a more dangerous or
frustrating position than being on this research team?  Can you
imagine how dangerous dealing with menopausal gorillas could be?  I
don't remember anything like this on Wild Kingdom when I was growing
up.  As Steve Irwin would say "Crikey, she's in a bad mood".

OK enough silliness; let's move on with my bowl picks for the games
up through New Year's Eve...


Wednesday, December 28, 2005

The MPC Computer Bowl
Boise, ID

Boston College vs Boise State
This will be BSU Coach Dan Hawkins' swan song in Boise as his
Broncos take to the field one last time under his direction.  I'm
sure that Lovin' Dan will be a big success down the road in Boulder
starting next year, so long as he can adjust to having a green
football field.  Seriously folks, don't you find yourself being a
bit "antsy" as you watch a football game played at Boise State?
That blue field just messes with my mind. I can only imagine what
effect it might have on a menopausal gorilla.  :)   But home field
color notwithstanding, BSU (a frequent participant in this Idaho-
based contest) usually has a distinct Rocky Mountain advantage
because of weather.  Several Southern ACC teams have plodded
northward, and some have gotten stuck in the icy conditions of a
Decembery Idaho.  The conference has now made a few changes that
should improve the ACC slate in snowy Idaho for now and into the
future.  You see, the conference's newest member, Boston College,
flies into potatoland on Wednesday, and they're well-suited to any
crappy weather imaginable.   If EVER a team was designed to compete
in a cold and snowy environment, it's Tom O'Brien's BC Birds.
Remember, Boise has nothing on Beantown when it comes to horrid
winter weather.  So, look for the winner to be determined by events
on the football field, not in the atmosphere.  The Eagles' size and
strength should wear out both their Idaho welcome AND the hometown
Broncos.  We'll call it close, but with BC pulling away at the end.
SnowBirds by 6.


The MasterCard Alamo Bowl
San Antonio, TX

Michigan vs Nebraska
You gotta give the honchos at the Alamo Bowl serious credit, which
is appropriate considering their MasterCard corporate sponsorship.
They've lassoed two of college football's "A-list" teams for the
2005 clash.  It doesn't get much more classic than Big Blue against
Big Red.  Perhaps this classic confrontation will clear the Alamo
Dome of the stench left by the woeful New Orleans Saints' home
games.  (Ay-yi-yi, as they locals would say)  But getting back to
the game at hand, there's no disguising the fact that both "M"
and "N" had off-years in `05.  Michigan truly figured, at least back
before the season started, that they'd be in the hunt nationally.
But since they couldn't beat any major Big Ten Clubs, save Penn
State, the Maize and Blue heads to Texas instead of California for
bowl season.  And Nebraska...  Well, the good news is that they
actually made it TO a bowl game.   The bad news is that win, lose or
draw in San Antonio, Husker Coach Bill Callahan still faces huge
expectations and intense scrutiny next fall in Lincoln.  In fact, if
I were ol' Bill, I might just slip on down to the Rio Grande and
disappear into Old Mexico when this one's over.  Look for
Meeeeshigan to say "adios muchacho" to Nebraska Wednesday night.
Wolverinos by siete.


Thursday, December 29, 2005

The Emerald Bowl
San Francisco, CA

Georgia Tech vs Utah
For a while, I thought my beloved Seminoles might be headed to
Baghdad by the Bay for the Emerald Bowl.  But our pals at Virginia
Tech did their part and kept travel costs down for FSU.  OK, back to
this game...sorry for the opportunity to do a bit of gloating.  I
wonder why they (Emerald) don't share the COMPLETE corporate
sponsorship story on this bowl's name.  Isn't Emerald a "nut"
company, as in marketing almonds and such?  Then again, I guess any
bowl game held in San Francisco would be considered a "nut bowl",
merely because of locale.  The fine folks of the bay area are
interesting and varied, but they're odd ducks, in so many ways.   I
sometimes have a tough time understanding why I love San Francisco
so very much.  But I do.  And speaking of leaving one's heart in San
Francisco, I believe that Chan Gailey and his Yellowjackets from
Atlanta are going to be enamored with San Francisco, too.  As for
Utah, look for this dish of nuts to be thoroughly forgettable.
Georgia Tech by 7.


The Pacific Holiday Bowl
San Diego, CA

Oregon vs Oklahoma
The city of San Diego has hit the bigtime in college football post-
season prowess, as they now host two bowl games each December.  If
they could just think of a way to invite Navy to both games, they'd
clean house.  But, this year's matchup of UO and OU should have
plenty of fireworks, even without any battleships.  The '05 Holiday
Bowl is much like the '04 contest.  You have a malcontented one-loss
Pac Ten team (Oregon) slinking into town, piqued about being ignored
by the mighty BCS.  (Last year, it was Cal).  The opponent will be a
lightly-regarded, mid-level Big XII opponent (Oklahoma).   Last
year, the Big XII slouch part was played by Texas Tech.  This year,
like in 2004, the game appears to be a mismatch on paper.  And just
like last year's game, it WILL be a mismatch in an unexpected
fashion.  No wonder the Pac Ten keeps trying to browbeat the BCS
into taking USC's runner-up.  They're tired of seeing their lady-in-
waiting skewered by the fourth or fifth best team in the Big XII
every year.  Boomer Sooner lowers the boom on the Ducks from
Eugene.  OU by 6.


Friday, December 30, 2005

The Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl
Nashville, TN

Minnesota vs Virginia
Have any of you ever stayed at one of the Gaylord Hotel properties?
I have (in Orlando), and they're magnificent.  Everything is done on
the grandest of scales.  The hotel in Orlando air-conditions a space
larger than some countries in Europe.   Guys, if you want some
serious lovin', take your lady to a Gaylord Hotel.  ;)  But while
Gaylord properties are solidly five-star, the same cannot be said
for this Music City melee.  When the SEC failed to qualify enough
teams for bowls, the ACC stepped in and sent the Virginia Cavaliers,
fresh off being routed (by six touchdowns) by Virginia Tech.  And
their Big Ten opponents, the Gophers of Minnesota, are hardly the
stuff of football legend themselves.  Something tells me they're
gonna have to pour a lot of whiskey and play a lot of honky-tonk
songs to get the Nashville crowd into a good mood on Friday night.
As for the game itself, look for Minnesota's running attack to force
Virginia into "facing the music" in Nashville.  Gophers by 3.


The Vitalis Sun Bowl
El Paso, TX

Northwestern vs UCLA

The only thing old-fashioned about this bowl game is the corporate
sponsor.  Vitalis?  Damn, my dad (who is now 80 years old) has used
that stuff for most of his adult life.  It's pretty slippery stuff,
folks, if you've never given it a try.  And speaking of well-
greased, both Northwestern and UCLA have slippery offensive schemes
designed to pour on the points.   In fact, a more appropriate barber
product for sponsorship MIGHT be Grecian Formula, because the
respective defensive coordinators are gonna be covered up by gray
hair after this offensive explosion.  The "by the book" pick on this
game will suggest that whichever team plays the best DEFENSE will
win.  But since both the Bruin and Wildcat defensive squads are as
porous as the Mexican border patrol, the truth is that the winner
will be whoever has the ball last.  In a contest that'll feature
more points than California has ballot referenda, let's call it UCLA
by 1.


The Independence Bowl
Shreveport, LA

South Carolina vs Missouri
I've already used the line when writing up the New Orleans
Bowl...but with the approach of Steve Spurrier, I must again ask
rhetorically... haven't the poor people of Louisiana suffered enough
already?  With the goading comments the "ol ball coach" made about
LSU getting knocked out of the BCS, Steve's gonna be about as
welcome as a FEMA fart down on the bayou.  As for my pick on the
game, let's continue the hurricane analogy.  The Mizzou Tigers are,
in my opinion, the "New Orleans levees" of college football, meaning
that they're not meant to stand up against anything major.  And
while South Carolina isn't exactly category five on the football
field, Spurrier's offensive mind is still a major storm.  Look for
the Carolina Gamecocks to put the peck on the Columbia Tigers Friday
night.  USC East by 4.


The Chick-Fil-A Peach Bowl
Atlanta, GA

Miami vs LSU
This will be the last PEACH bowl to be ever be played.  Apparently,
the executive roosters over at Chik-Fil-A are annoyed that the
national media keeps calling this game the "Peach Bowl" rather than
the "Chik-Fil-A Bowl", and they plan to drop the fruit moniker
starting next year.  Well this one last Peach Bowl is aptly named
for 2005, because Miami against LSU is one peach of a game.  A lot
of folks have been making stupid comments about "say what you will
about the BCS, they got it all right in 2005".  Well, as for the
title game, that's probably a fair statement.  But both Miami and
LSU are certainly good enough to be playing in a January game.
Thank goodness for the college football fans of America that they
found each other in the PEACH bowl, instead of hammering two lesser
opponents in separate games.  For a while, I'd decided to go with
Miami to win this game, as I knew that LSU QB JaMarcus Russell would
not be playing.  But today's newspaper brings word that Hurricane
receiver Ryan Moore has been suspended from this game for "violation
of team rules".  (I have it on an inside tip that his transgression
was failing to use the words "Chik-Fil-A" in an interview.)  But
regardless of what Ryan did wrong, I have to decide if HIS absence
will be enough to tip the contest back in LSU's direction.  On the
surface, it would seem that Miami minus Moore is more dangerous than
LSU minus Russell.  BUT in a move that would seem inexplicable to
the average college fan, I see this game in completely defensive
colors.  In what I believe will be a vicious defensive struggle,
Hurricane QB Kyle Wright suffer mightily with one of his best
weapons sitting over on the old "Chik-Fil-A" bench.  This is going
to be a low-scoring contest.  And, the winning points may come from
a nifty kick return, which also might seem to favor Miami and Devin
Hester.  But I believe the kickoff hero is gonna be Skyler Green
over on the purple and gold sideline.  LSU by 2.


Saturday, December 31, 2005

The Meineke Car Care Bowl
Charlotte, NC

South Florida vs NC State
How appropriate that Chuck Amato and NC State would end up in the
Meineke Car Care Bowl.  His Wolfpack offense has been belching smoke
like a '58 Volvo for most of this season.  I'm sure a complete tune-
up will be just the thing needed to get NC State back onto cruise
control.  As for South Florida, this is their first-ever Division-1
bowl game, so congratulations are in order.  But for future
reference, I'd suggest the Bulls angle for something played in a
warmer climate.  Charlotte isn't exactly International Falls,
Minnesota.  But then again, it ain't Miami Beach either.  I think
the weather in the Carolinas will be a bit too cold for USF.  Couple
that with a little defensive and offensive heat from NC State and
it's hard to be Bullish on South Florida's chances.  Wolfpack by 6.


The AutoZone Liberty Bowl
Memphis, TN

Tulsa vs Fresno State
Boy, today must be something special in the car care industry.  The
Meineke Car Care Bowl (formerly just the Meineke Muffler Bowl) is
followed up by the AutoZone Liberty Bowl.  You'd get the idea that
college football is something of interest to the grease-monkey
set.  ;)  As for this contest in Memphis, we have the Bulldogs of
FSU-West traveling east, right into the eye of the Tulsa Golden
Hurricane.  Now, I'm told that Tulsa and FSU have some history
during their simultaneous WAC days, and that's supposed to add fuel
to this fire.  And while that may matter in Fresno and Tulsa, the
rest of the country is gonna be tempted to find something more
interesting to be doing on New Year's Eve, or so I'd think.  Folks,
remember...if you're gonna party, you'll need a designated driver.
And for God's sake, don't let him (or her) watch too much of this
game, unless they're a rabid Bulldog or Hurricane fan.  This is the
sort of contest that, for the casual fan, cries out for
alcohol...and lots of it.   Fresno State by 2.


The EV1.Net Houston Bowl
Houston, TX

TCU vs Iowa State
OK, I know...I can surf the `net.  I can plug in "EV1.Net" on
Google, and the mystery will be revealed.  But at this point,
folks...I have no freakin' clue what EV1.Net is.  I don't know what
they sell, what they make, who works for them, any of that stuff.
For all I know, they may be the world's leader in the manufacture of
synthetic gorilla estrogen.  I do know that they're spending their
money in support of the Houston Bowl, so they must, in theory, be
remotely "in the black", unlike so many dot.com companies.
Continuing this "I dunno about this game or company" shtick, I'll
make my call in a similar manner.  I KNOW all about TCU.  They're
tough, fast, innovative and surprising, just go and ask Bob Stoopes
and Oklahoma.  And if I could just figure out how they LOST to SMU,
I'd call them a lock in the EVwhateverthehell.net Bowl.  As for Iowa
State, I can't figure out how they (a) keep ALMOST making it to the
Big XII title game and (b) keep choking away their opportunities TO
play in the Big XII title game.  Clearly, Iowa State has problems
closing the deal and closing their season.  So, look for TCU to turn
out the ISU lights as we bring 2005 college football to a close on
New Year's Eve. Horny Toads by 7.


OK folks, that's it for 2005.  The next and last edition of Prophet
will cover the 2006 Bowl games.  HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone.   As
for New Year's Eve drinking and driving, I encourage everyone to do
one or the other...but not both.  My call would be to stay home and
pop the cork.   HAPPY NEW YEAR and welcome to 2006!   And if you
come across any menopausal gorillas, please be careful and
considerate.  :)

- 91  –
- TIF -

< <  ============================================   > >

THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© 2005 P.Chamlis/
The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved

< <  ============================================   > >

Happy Holidays everyone.  Oh to heck with being politically
correct.  I'm going to say Merry Christmas, too.  Happy Hannukah.
Have a kickin' Kwanzaa.   And, don't forget to enjoy all of these
bowl games that are about to inundate your TV screens.

As in the past, I will be breaking the bowls into three groups for
Prophet picks.  This issue brings the lesser bowls, the lower-tier
contests.  Now, for the life of me, I can't figure out how a trip to
Hawaii could be lower-tier in any form or fashion.  But lower tier
or not, it's still football.  So kick back, spike the eggnog and get
the remote.  Here are my picks for the first of what seems like 91
bowl games...

Tuesday, December 20

The New Orleans Bowl
Lafayette, LA

Southern Mississippi vs Arkansas State

Haven't the people of the Gulf Coast suffered enough this year?  I
spent a couple of days in New Orleans recently, and folks...it's
still a mess.  Confidentially, I can't see where any bowl game
featuring the likes of Arky State is going to cheer up the battered
football fans of the bayou.  The fact that this game is CALLED the
New Orleans Bowl, but is being played in Lafayette, pretty much sums
it all up.  The spirit exists but the structure is still in
shambles.  Speaking of structures and shambles, look for
the "anywhere, anytime" Eagles from Hattiesburg to make life
difficult on the tens of little Indians coming down from Arkansas.
Putting the heat on Arky State while playing in the land of
Louisiana hot sauce, call this one USM by 10.


The GMAC Bowl
Mobile, AL

UTEP vs Toledo

I read where General Motors is about to become the world's second
largest automaker.  This would symbolize the end of an era.  For as
long as anyone can remember, the automotive giant from Motown has
dominated the world with Chevrolets, Pontiacs and Cadillacs.  But
soon, Toyota will have moved enough snazzy Avalons and economical
Corollas to assume the top spot in the world's automotive industry.
This GMAC Bowl is being sponsored by GMAC, which is the money-
lending arm of General Motors.  One thing that GMAC has done to
postpone the eventual toppling of GM from the top sales spot is to
lower interest rates on new car loans to ridiculously low levels.
So, considering GMAC's corporate modus operandi, we can't be
surprised at the south Alabama pairing of UTEP and Toledo.  "Zero
interest" would have to sum up the local attitude about the clash of
Rocket and Miner at Ladd Stadium on Tuesday night.  Sure, folks in
Ohio and west Texas might have a passing fancy as to who ends up on
top in this contest.  But beyond that, I'd expect the re-run of
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer to win the Tuesday ratings battle.
As for picking the game, I see UTEP rebounding from a poor season
finish to collect one more 2005 victory, assuming they can keep Head
Coach Mike Price in Mobile and away from the nearby Pensacola strip
clubs.  Roll Tide, eh Mike?  UTEP by 3.


The Pioneer PureVision Las Vegas Bowl
Las Vegas, NV

BYU vs California

Don't you just know the folks in Vegas would have preferred inviting
ANYONE other than BYZoo to this bowl game?  (BTW, thanks to my dear
BYU alumnus friend who shared the BYZoo moniker with me)  It's not
that the Cougars are not deserving of bowl status, not at all.  It's
just that BYU's fan base doesn't strike me as the type to really
drop wads of their cash Las Vegas.  Then again, with those special
and complicated undergarments that most Mormons wear (they're called
simply, "the garments"), they've got a built-in advantage in any
strip poker games.  ;0  As for the other side in the contest, the
Cal Bear fans are like any other bunch of normal Americans in the
eyes of Las Vegas.  In other words, they're suckers.  And being from
the affluent Bay Area of northern California, that makes them RICH
suckers.  And, we all know what happens to suckers in Las Vegas.
Yep, they get hustled.  And in this case, it'll be a double whammy
for the Bears as they get fleeced by both the locals and the
Cougars.  Call this an upset win, as the Cougars add the Bears to
their BYZoo collection.  Cougars by 2.


Thursday, December 22, 2005

The San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl
San Diego, CA

Colorado State vs Navy

The "San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl"?  My God, what's
next?  The Minnetonka Township Amalgamated Brotherhood of Garment
Inspectors, Local 2443 Scab-Buster Bowl?   How about "The National
Democratic Party Bowl", which would, naturally, feature two losing
teams.  <g> (Sorry, couldn't resist.  But, since some of my best
friends are actually Democrats, don't paint me with any Rush
brushstrokes)   But seriously, this corporate sponsorship thing is
getting out of hand, don't you think?  But as for the Poinsettia
Bowl, say what you think and call it what you want.  If we go to
real "truth in advertising", this will be "The Poinsettia Bowl,
sponsored by and wholly supported by the United States Navy".  All
Navy has to do in order to receive an annual invite to San Diego is
become bowl eligible.  With the conglomeration of Naval facilities
and personnel in the San Diego area, having the Middies in town is a
natural.  Colorado State may physically be thousands of miles closer
to the west coast than the Naval Academy.  But in reality, the Rams
might as well be from Mars for this game.  Call it a home-town win
for Navy.  Middies by 7.


Friday, December 23, 2005

The Fort Worth Bowl
Fort Worth, TX

Kansas vs Houston

Well, if there really WERE a Santa Claus and if he stiffed folks for
being bad, KU's beefy boss Mark Mangino would be getting a king-
sized bag of coal for Christmas.  He's on the naughty list at Iowa
State, for denying the Cyclones a trip to the Big XII title game.
And, he's getting no rave reviews up in Boulder, Colorado either, as
his antics forced the Buffs into a Big XII title game whacking by
Texas.  The Jayhawk reward for such questionable behavior is a trip
to Tarrant County, Texas, and a hookup with good old Cougar High
School from Houston.  The Cougs scratched around enough in 2005 to
become bowl-eligible, something that only about 60% of the division
one football teams were able to do.  Their reward for doing so will
be a season-ending disappointment at the hands of the Mediocre
Manginos from Lawrence.  In a bowl game that illustrates (in living
color) the premise that there are TOO MANY bowl games, call this one
Kansas by 3.  The truth be known, there's really only one item of
more than trivial interest to football fans during the week of the
Fort Worth Bowl.  It's Mangino versus the mechanical bull at Billy
Bob's.  Who are you betting on?  I say Mangino, since he outweighs
the tin-can toro.  ;)


Saturday, December 24, 2005

The Sheraton Hawaii Bowl
Honolulu, HI

Nevada vs Central Florida

I realize that this is the Christmas season, the time of miracles
for the Christian world.  But if I can go a bit Zen here, perhaps
with a little dash of Hinduism...you just never know where life is
going to lead.  What is good today is not so tomorrow.  And the end
may be only the beginning.  Only a few years ago, UCF Coach George
O'Leary was the disgrace of college football coaching.  Having just
been named czar for storied Notre Dame, ol' George was found to be
embellishing his resume just bit...something about a master's degree
of some kind.  So, Georgie was summarily flushed from the college
football world, ending up in the purgatory that is being an
assistant coach for the Minnesota Vikings.  Eventually, the little-
known (in football circles) University of Central Florida lured
George, in spite of his lack of educational background, back to
their sideline...and the Knights began and eventually built college
football's longest losing streak.  And at the start of 2005, that's
where we stood.  Fast forward a couple of months and there's the old
Irish guy himself, with a lei around his neck and a flowered
Hawaiian shirt circumnavigating his ample girth, coaching his team
in the Sheraton Hawaii Bowl.  You know, being in a BCS contest at a
major school is fine, but there's other wonderful things in life.
Spending Christmas in Hawaii might qualify as some seriously
positive energy.  Losing will be only a minor turn to what's been a
magical year for the team from the so-called magic city.  Nevada by
2.


Monday, December 26, 2005

The Motor City Bowl
Detroit, MI

Memphis vs Akron

If you've already read my pick on the GMAC Bowl, you know that I've
addressed the decline of the American automotive industry.  Part of
the problem is that American carmakers are perceived to be producing
products of lower quality.  And speaking of lemons, isn't that what
most people would consider THIS contest?  Sure, a trip anywhere in
the post-season for either Memphis or Akron is something to write
home about.  But, as a televised contest, I'm not sure it'll get
much mileage with the viewing public.  Well, much like the American
car industry, it's a question of re-selling the consumer.  US cars
used to be 1970s crap, but they're much, much better today.  In a
similar vein, the Tigers and Zips aren't yesterday's bucket(s) of
bolts.  They've become reasonably decent teams, and have (as have
about 60% of all teams) made themselves "bowl eligible".  So, here's
hoping American football fans will take the Motor City Bowl for a
test-drive.  As for picking the contest, I stand by what I said
about the teams.  They're better than you'd think, especially
Akron.  Unfortunately for Memphis, I also remember them as being one
of the few teams to lose to Tennessee this year.  And as alternate
universe as it may sound, if you can't beat the Vols you're in
trouble with the Zips.  Akron by 3.


Tuesday, December 27, 2005

The Champs Sports Bowl
Orlando, Fl

Clemson vs Colorado

Did you read all of that nonsense concerning the MESS that departed
coach Gary Barnett left in Boulder?  Apparently Coach B wasn't much
for keeping accurate records and such, and university administrators
were shocked to find the disheveled affairs present in record-
keeping portions of the school's football program.  It sounds as if
Gary is just the man for some sort of government job, maybe over at
Social Security.  ;)  Oh well, CU has gone and hired themselves a
new coach, Dan Hawkins from up at Boise State.  Coach Dan promises
to bring some "Hawk Love" to the Buffalo program, and that better
days are certainly ahead.  And speaking of "love", soon-to-be coach
Hawkins said he's busily trying to bag his high school superstar son
for Colorado by "recruiting his mother hard".  His exact words.
Hmmmmm...Hawk Love indeed.  ;)  Well, love may be in the air at CU
soon enough, but the black and gold faithful aren't going to love
what happens to their herd down in Orlando.  Buffalo aren't usually
on Tigers' predatory menu, but seeing as how it's near Christmas, it
might be time for some exotic cat cuisine.  Going a la carte, call
it Clemson by 10.


The Insight.com Bowl
Phoenix, AZ

Arizona State vs Rutgers

I read somewhere that Rutgers University is offering some sort(s) of
incentives to their students who want to attend the Scarlet Knights'
bowl game.  It had something to do with either financial rebates or
course credit.  And, for the student body, that sounds like a really
good plan.  If I were a Rutgers undergrad, I wouldn't normally be up
to spend a lot of cash going 2,000 miles to see my team get
vaporized in Phoenix.  But taking the money or grade point boost
might just be worth the trouble.  It's sure as hell better than
taking an incomplete on the old grade point average, ain't it?
Arizona State by 6.


All right, that's it for the games up through December 27th.  In
about a week, I'll be out with continuing picks.  I hope all of you
have a wonderful holiday (there I go politically correct again!)
season.  Enjoy your families and friends and don't forget to turn on
your TV set for some college football!

Prophet

< <  ============================================   > >

THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© 2005 P.Chamlis/
The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved

< <  ============================================   > >
Games of December 1 - 3, 2005

Well, as is always the case, rivalry weekend was tough on your most
humble Prophet.  Picking winners in games between such mortal
enemies as Georgia and Georgia Tech, Mississippi and Mississippi
State, Colorado and Nebraska, and all the other grudge matches can
be a real crap-shoot.  But in spite of the difficulty, I'm still
right at 75% for the year, with 221 correct out of 296 picks.

Let's see how I can do with this week's conference championship
games.  I've been dealt a lucky hand as several conferences have
produced lopsided (at least on paper) contests between average and
GREAT teams.  There are still surprises, though, so let's all tune
in to watch the fun.   Here's hoping the BCS gets all screwed up in
some form or fashion.  : )

Thursday, December 1
Akron at Northern Illinois
It sure seems strange having a Mid-American Conference Championship
game without Marshall.  But since the boys from Huntington blew off
to a new conference, Thursday's title game will feature Zips and
Huskies, with no Herd in sight.  I have to admit that I'm proud of
Akron.  It only seems like a year or two ago when they were one of
the worst teams in America.  Opponents would zap the Zips on a
regular basis, and usually with great fervor.  Akron's opponent on
Thursday night is much better known to the American football fan
(s).  The NIU Huskies were the potential "BCS Buster" team of a few
years ago as they upset several top-twenty opponents from name
conferences.  So on the surface, I'd have to say that Northern
Illinois is the much more visible and "pickable" commodity in this
conference championship tilt.  So for all of you folks who are
looking for a championship weekend full of upsets, here's your
first "canary in the coal mine".  And FWIW, the birdie is alive and
well.  No surprises to start it off, Northern Illinois by 7.

Friday, December 2
Louisiana Tech at Fresno State
Surprisingly, this matchup of east-west WAC bookends is NOT a
conference championship game.  It's a regularly scheduled contest
between the Bulldogs and Bulldogs to see who's gonna be "best in
show" for 2005.  And besides, there needs to be SOME football on TV
to keep husbands at home while their wives and girlfriends are
hitting the malls on Christmas rush.  Oops, sorry to be sexist.  I
realize that some of you fellas have important, big-shot wives who
are working late.  Speaking of "working late", look for the Pacific
Time Zone Dogs to rush the end zone in waves Friday night,
especially considering last weekend's surprising upset loss to
Nevada.  Those poor underdogs from Louisiana underdogs are a
lonnnnnnnng way from home.  FSU West by 10.

Saturday, December 3
Tulsa at Central Florida
The Conference USA Championship game has no bearing on the BCS
itself.  But the outcome of this contest still has meaning for at
least one post-season contest.  You see, the Liberty Bowl doesn't
have to select whoever loses this matchup of Tulsa and Central
Florida.  The Golden Hurricane slipped into the big game at the last
minute.  And although Central Florida really could do without
another windstorm, I see no problems for the Orlando Knights in this
contest.  The football public is finding out that Central Florida is
more than gigantic tourist hotels and Ruth's Chris Steak House
outlets.  As for the game, let's remember that the Atlantic
hurricane season is supposedly over as of December first.  And
thanks to UCF, it's coming to an end on the CUSA football field,
too.   Central Florida completes a turnaround from last year's
winless season.  Knights by 6.

Colorado at Texas
Colorado did damn-near everything possible to AVOID meeting Texas
for a second time this year.  And for a while, it looked as though
their melt-down against lowly Nebraska might save them a December
beating in Houston.  But in any big contest, the team that "wants it
more" usually wins...and in the contest to avoid playing the
Longhorns, Iowa State clearly wanted it more.  :)  Last Saturday,
the Cyclones stormed from ahead to lose to Kansas.  ISU boss Dan
McCarthy didn't get to be the Dean of Big XII coaches (as he is with
Bill Snyder's retirement at KSU) by being stupid.  So, in spite of
themselves, Colorado is back in the UT shooting gallery.
Considering that (a) Texas spent a lot of last weekend's game
against Texas A&M playing horribly and (b) Horn QB Vince Young can
now forget the Heisman and concentrate on just playing football, I'd
say things will go from bad to worse for Gary Barnett and company.
Making the Nebraska beating seem like a Swedish massage, call this
game strong for Texas.  In a stampede, UT by 24.

Navy at Army
Some would say that this game has no national impact, no meaning to
the country, and from a football standpoint, that's true.  But this
annual clash features fine young men who are both competing warriors
AND brothers.  It's a glimpse into what makes America a great
country.  When you watch this game, you'll not be seeing a bunch of
future spoiled millionaire athletes, you'll see leaders.  You'll see
why they call this the land of the brave.  When Army and Navy play,
there are never any losers.  But from a sublime and insignificant
gridiron standpoint, Navy will have fewer points on the scoreboard.
In a mild upset, Army by 2.

UCLA at USC
A lot has been made about UCLA quarterback Drew Olsen
being "overlooked".  Then again, it's not surprising, given the long
Leinart shadow cast from the halls of nearby Troy.  But the truth is
that the nation's leading passer plays in Los Angeles, and he's not
coached by Pete Carroll.  If that were the only superlative of
comparison in this game, I'd say the Bruins have a chance.  But
there's one more category in the top-twenty that's led by UCLA, and
unfortunately, it's number of points given up.  I'm referring to the
most points GIVEN UP.  Of all the supposedly good teams, UCLA has,
by far, been weakest on defense.  The combination of Trojans Matt,
Reggie and LenDale (among others) will be even more explosive when
stirred into the shaky Bruin defense on Saturday.  Don't blink,
folks, you'll miss something.  In a high-scoring mess, call it
Trojans by 20.

West Virginia at South Florida
Even though the Big East doesn't officially HAVE a title game, this
contest almost qualified as one.  You see, if South Florida had only
beaten mighty Connecticut last Saturday, the "Mountaineers versus
Bulls game" would have been for all the conference marbles, not to
mention the resulting BCS bid.  But thanks to the Huskies of UCONN,
it's already a done deal.  WVU goes to a big bowl, probably the
dislocated Sugar Bowl.  And USF goes somewhere, hopefully NOT to
play my wounded Seminoles.  You know what's wrong with the Big
East?  (among lots of other things)  Losses to teams like
Connecticut and South Florida (talking about YOU, Louisville!) are
knocking teams out of BCS bowl games.  Enjoy the Sugar Bowl,
Mountain Boyz.  The automatic BCS bid for the Big East is going the
way of cheap gasoline soon.  West Virginia by 12.

Florida State at Virginia Tech
Well, Bobby Bowden knew what he was talking about.  He SAID that a 7-
4 team was going to play for "a conference championship one of these
days".  I'm not sure Pa Bowden had his Seminoles in mind, but by
golly, there they are.  Bowden's premonition continued with "and
that 7-4 team's gonna win the championship game and go to a BCS
bowl".  As I said last weekend, that's truly insane talk, especially
if we're talking about the Seminoles.  If anyone asked me to make a
list of ten average teams that the Seminoles could beat at this
point, I couldn't do it.   The boys from Tallahassee are a dangerous
combination of poor coaching and walking wounded.  So, anyone
seriously talking of an FSU win on Saturday is probably smoking
crack.  Speaking of crack, Virginia Tech quarterback Marcus Vick has
had an up and down season.  His ups have been spectacular, and his
few downs have been painful.  The extra-bad news for FSU is that
last weekend's Vick-tory was sub-par by Marcus' standards.  So, look
for the Hokies to be all over FSU in the inaugural ACC title game.
And FWIW, the TV ratings numbers of this game versus the SEC title
game are going to be almost as ugly as this contest itself.   Frank
Beamer finally beats Florida State, and handily.  Virginia Tech by
24.   I'm just glad it ain't damned Miami handing out the whuppin'.

Georgia at LSU
LSU made more than the state of Louisiana happy when they finished
off pesky Arkansas last weekend.  Mark Richt and the Georgia
Bulldogs truly, at least in my view, did NOT want to see Auburn
again in the SEC Championship game.  Oh sure, Auburn had won the
first contest, offering Georgia a shot at redemption.  But we all
know that Auburn is probably, right now, the best team in the SEC.
Therefore, LSU's win last Saturday was Georgia's win, too.  Look for
D. J. Shockley and the Bulldogs to make the most of their
opportunity.  On their second trip to the Big Peach in two weekends,
the Dogs from down the road will put the bite on the Bayou Cats.
This should be an excellent game to end our regular season TV-
viewing, folks.  Georgia by 2.


OK folks, that does it for the "regular season".  I'll be back soon
with the bowl games.  Everyone take care and have a great holiday
season.  Thanks again for your support of Prophet!   I've written
this little newsletter for a long time, and I'm beginning to believe
that this is truly forever.  ;)

=== 9 1 ===

< <  ============================================   > >

THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© 2005 P.Chamlis/
The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved

< <  ============================================   > >
Games of November 24 – 26, 2005

I had a pretty decent record last week.  So I'll start this week by
giving thanks as I remain 75% accurate for the year.  I am now right
on 210 out of 280 picks, which ain't bad, folks.

And, let me just wish each and every one of you a Happy
Thanksgiving.  As you sink your teeth into your turkey, ham or even
Caesar Salad (for my vegetarian readers), please know that I am
thankful for my readers' friendship and support.  And thanks again
for cutting down on the death threats.

One last thing...this Thursday is a very special day in my family.
My mother will turn 80 years old on Thanksgiving Day.  Happy
Birthday, Mom.  We all love you!

OK, let's get some more games right...

Thursday/Thanksgiving, November 24

Pittsburgh at West Virginia
This season-ending contest has long been called "The Backyard
Brawl".  It's a series that pre-dates both teams' membership in the
Big East Conference.  And even though the conference neighborhood is
beginning to look a little run-down, folks both in Pittsburgh and
Morganton still want get the better of their "neighbors".  THIS
Thursday Night's post-Thanksgiving dinner shootout is being hosted
by the country cousins in this twisted little relationship, and I
don't expect too many city manners to be in evidence when Rich
Rodriguez's hillbillies take the field.  Even though the Big East is
becoming pointless (from a national standpoint), the conference
kingpin still gets invited to some unfortunate BCS bowl.  And as
they'd say up in the hills, the Mountaineers "aim" to be playing
football in early 2006.  Mountaineers by 10.

Friday, November 25

Texas at Texas A&M
The Texas Aggies, as Texas A&M likes to call themselves, are one of
only two hurdles left in UT's quest for a Rose Bowl berth.  Now, I
know what they always say about these "rivalry" games...the
old "anything can happen" song and dance.  But even with this
contest kicking off a day past Thanksgiving, I see Mack Brown's Herd
stuffing themselves a bunch of maroon-clad turkeys up in College
Station.  We might be getting to the point that the A&M athletic
department re-examines their supposedly good idea about hiring
Dennis Frangione.  Longhorns by 16.

Arkansas at LSU
I'll be the first to admit that this will be no cakewalk for LSU.
Sure, the Tigers have EVERYTHING to play for, but the Hogs are
always toughest late in the season.  As I try to forget that USC
scored 70 points on the Razorbacks earlier this year, I tell you
with a completely straight face that this one might be really,
really close.  Really.  But even though Arkansas can and will "hurt"
LSU more than you'd expect in this Friday night fight,
they'll "hurt" the Auburn Tigers even more.  Denying the War Eagles
a backdoor invitation to Atlanta and the SEC title game, Arkansas
gets roasted on the road.  In a fistfight, let's say LSU by 8.

Arizona at Arizona State
When Arizona blew UCLA's doors off a few weeks ago, some called it
Mike Stoopes' first "signature win" in Tucson.  And if you agree
with that representation, let's suggest that Mike bring his ink pen
along on this season-ending trip to Tempe.  When the final score is
posted, Mike just might have something else he wants to scrawl his
John Hancock all over.  Arizona by 3.

Nebraska at Colorado
We may be a politically divided country, but among football fans,
there's one truth which few can deny.  Bill Callahan has just about
ruined the Nebraska football program.  And, there just might be a
political solution in sight.  You see, former Husker coach and state
demigod Tom Osborne is running for governor of Nebraska.  The
election will be held in November of 2006, with inauguration to
occur in early 2007.  Now, in perhaps the easiest pick I'll ever
make, Tom will win in a rout that would embarrass USC.  And even
though the state of Nebraska may have many pressing needs, few would
gripe if Governor Tom's first official act is to initiate steps to
rid the Huskers of the Callahan pestilence.  How long has it been
since you cast a vote that really meant something, Nebraska fans?
Colorado by 10.

Wisconsin at Hawaii
Last week, I heard an interview with Penn State Coach Joe Paterno.
He was wondering aloud as to why Coaches such as "Alvarez, Snyder,
etc." were retiring so young.  Joe said "I'm not going anywhere".
I'm sure the Penn State fans are hoping that the future holds more
of 2005's success than the frustration of the previous four or five
campaigns.  But let's forget about Joe, this story is really all
about Barry Alvarez.  Barry's only 58 years old and he's going out a
hero.  Nobody in Madison has said things like "he's too old", "he's
lost touch", etc.  Living here in Tallahassee, I can tell you that
it's truly sad when a legendary coach loses it.  So, good for you,
Barry.  Enjoy just being the athletic director, and knock yourself
out on your trip to Honolulu.  And next November when Joe Paterno is
freezing his ass off on some snowy Big Ten sideline, or Bobby Bowden
is trying to explain how his team's fifth conference loss isn't a
coaching issue, smart-guy Barry can open up the last of his
chocolate-covered macadamias, pour himself a brandy and just smile.
Wisconsin by 7.

Saturday, November 26
Maryland at N.C. State
Thanks to Tennessee's collapse over in the SEC, the Atlantic Coast
Conference may well get 8 bowl invitations this year.  And who would
have thought, heading into this season, that NC State wouldn't be
among the conference's eight best teams?  Well, I can assure you the
Wolfpack athletic brass wouldn't have expected such
underachievement.  It's too bad that Chuck Amato can't schedule one
more round with his Bowden buddies from Tallahassee.  But for once,
beating FSU isn't going to save an ACC coaching career, or so it
would seem.  And like I've said for weeks, don't get between Ralph
Friedgen and the bowl game buffet.  Terrapins by 7.

Tennessee at Kentucky
Well, I nailed it last weekend, didn't I?  Tennessee losing to
Vanderbilt at home in Knoxville.  Has there been a bigger
disappointment this year than the Vols?  If Phil Fulmer's not
feeling the heat, he's wearing asbestos undershorts.  From a logical
standpoint, this pick seems easy.  Kentucky will be fired up,
sensing an opportunity to kick UT when they're down.  And
Tennessee?  There's more motivation to work at a welfare office than
on the Big Orange bench.  So, picking the Wildcats would seem to be
like shooting fish in a barrel.  But once in a while, you just have
to go with your feeling, your gut instinct.  And here it is,
folks...as sorry as Tennessee has become as a football team, I just
don't see them losing to Vanderbilt and Kentucky on consecutive
weekends.  In the past, it might not have happened in consecutive
centuries.  Somehow, they'll get it done.  Tennessee by 3.

Mississippi at Mississippi State
For some reason, this annual state rivalry game is called the Egg
Bowl.  It's been Egg-splained to me several times, and I just can't
seem to remember it.  Try as I may, it's not a designation that I
can identify with.  But since it's the Egg Bowl, we'll have to stick
with a scrambled motif for the pick.  Ole Miss got themselves
whipped into a wimpy meringue last weekend by LSU, continuing a
season that has been far short of sunnyside-up.  But over on the
Starkville sideline, Sylvester Crooms and company have mastered that
Humpty-Dumpty story.  The MSU season started with a big fall, and
nobody's had much luck putting State back together again.  And on
Saturday, all the king's horses and men will gaze out upon another
Bulldog crackup as the Rebs poach a victory on the road.  Ole Miss
by 5.

Virginia at Miami
Yes, Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus.  And so begins one of the
most famous newspaper editorials of all time.  As for Santa Claus,
old Kris Kringle's got nothing on the Miami Hurricanes.  Last
weekend, UM wrapped up a shot at the ACC title and sent it up to
Virginia Tech.  By choking away their game against Georgia Tech, UM
signaled their intent to be satisfied with a second straight non-BCS
bowl trip.  This new conference just isn't as much fun as the old
Big East, eh?  Now, we can't give Miami all of the credit for
Virginia Tech's resurrection.  The Virginia Cavaliers did their part
in sending VaTech to Jacksonville by rolling over at home in
Charlottesville last Saturday.  So when the Wahoos and Canes hook up
in the Orange Bowl to end the season, they can compare notes on
who's done the most to further Beamer Ball in 2005.  As for picking
this game, let's just put it this way...the game film from this
contest will join the Virginia Tech video in the Cavalier trash
compactor come Monday morning.  Hurricanes by 21.

Florida State at Florida
Bobby Bowden is college football's winningest coach.  So, when he
began to talk about this contest last week, I paid close attention.
Coach Dadgummit said "he didn't like divisional formats in
conferences because one of these years, some team with four losses
was going to play in the ACC title game".  Now at the time, this all
sounded silly because FSU was 7-2 and Virginia Tech was undefeated.
Heck, Miami only had one loss.  But by golly, the coach appears to
be onto something.  FSU is now 7-3, and thanks to Dadgumit's
insight, as well as his son's fine offensive gameplan, I can
confidently say that the Noles will be 7-4 after their first
encounter with Urban warfare.  In the above-mentioned interview, BB
also made some comment about "that four loss team was gonna win the
conference championship and get into a BCS bowl".  Now THAT is just
crazy talk, as you'd all agree.  Florida by 10.

South Florida at Connecticut
Do you realize that if the South Florida Bulls keep winning, they'll
be in a BCS bowl?  And while as a Floridian, that would make me
very, very proud, it can't make the Big East very happy.  After
sending a sub-par Pittsburgh team to the Fiesta Bowl last year,
being represented by a no-name squad like USF in 2005 would further
demote the Big East in the eyes of the nation.  Mark my words...USF
claiming a BCS bowl this year will hasten the day that the BCS says
adieu to the Big East Conference.  Having another at-large team
would be more fun anyway.  South Florida by 6.

Oklahoma State at Oklahoma
They call this annual contest by a single word in the state of
Oklahoma.  It's "Bedlam".  And for this year, the name just doesn't
fit.  True "Bedlam" occurred in Norman as OU opened their season by
losing to TCU.  And far from being "just an upset", the losses kept
on coming.  There was a blowout at UCLA, a rogering by Texas, and
just recently, another loss down in Lubbock.  So we might just have
to pardon Bob Stoopes if he's had enough "Bedlam" for one year.
Look for the Sooners to put an end to any further disruptions when
the OSU Cowboys ride into Owen Field.  Oklahoma by 3.

North Carolina at Virginia Tech
All they have to do is beat North Carolina and they'll be in the ACC
title game.  The homemade gravy on the VaTech season seems simple
enough, but there's still the matter of roasting the UNC goats.  In
spite of a dreadful performance against Miami three weeks ago, the
Hokies have gotten a second chance.  Beamer Ball is all about making
the most of extra opportunities, so I think things will come out
just fine as VaTech punches both North Carolina AND their ticket to
Jacksonville with a solid Blacksburg victory.  Tech by 12.

Notre Dame at Stanford
Normally, I wouldn't have picked this game as it's clearly a
blowout.  But Stanford pissed me off royally with their performance
against Cal in last week's "Big Game".  What were they running,
anyway, a "Wuss Coast" offense?  It's my pleasure to predict their
imminent demise this Saturday as a much better team plows into Palo
Alto.  Look for Notre Dame to use this west-coast swing as an
opportunity to show off for the BCS scouts.  Fighting Irish by 20.

Georgia at Georgia Tech
It's been pointed out that this game is the first of two straight
trips to Atlanta for Georgia.  The SEC title game will be played
over at the Georgia Dome, whereas this contest will occur at
venerable Bobby Dodd stadium.  Seeing as how the Yellowjacket rumble
has little effect on what happens later in Georgia's season, one
would conclude that Tech represents a much greater danger than does
LSU or perhaps Auburn next Saturday.  But, Chan's clan has already
had their shining moment this year.  Last weekend's upset of the
Miami Hurricanes was a thing of beauty, but it was GT's lightening
strike for the year.  Before Tech upset Miami, I was all ready to
pull the trigger on an upset pick for this game.  But considering
that Bulldog Coach Mark Richt is a Hurricane alum and also spent
years dealing with Miami in his Florida State coaching days, Tech
ain't sneaking up on anybody this weekend.  Their win over Miami has
attracted plenty of attention from the Bulldog coaching staff.  The
game will be a battle, but the result will be what most would have
expected.  No funny business this Saturday, folks.  Georgia by 7.


All right, there you have it.  Another week of college football.  I
hope you all have a great holiday.

< <  ============================================   > >

THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© 2005 P.Chamlis/
The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved

< <  ============================================   > >
Games of November 91st, oops I meant 19th, 2005

Hey, What's up??  NO Thursday night games??  Well, that guarantees
that I'll be undefeated headed into the weekend.  : )   Actually,
I'm still doing very well, especially this late in the season.  Last
weekend, I went 19-5, with some solid point spread calls, too.  That
makes me 195 out of 258 for the year, or right at 76%.  Not bad for
an old guy with gray hair, wouldn't you say?

OK, since my FSU Seminoles are not playing football this weekend
(one could argue that they haven't played any football for quite a
few weekends, actually), we have to have a quickie Seminole report.
We've recovered our NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP TROPHIES!

For those of you who don't know, FSU's two Waterford Crystal
National Championship football trophies were stolen a few months
ago, during renovations at Doak Campbell Stadium.  As of yesterday,
both had been recovered, and a couple of trophy snatchers were on
their way to jail.  When asked about the whole "stealing the trophy
business", Coach Bobby "Dadgummit" Bowden had the following
statement:

"I always thought they'd turn up.  They's not much you can do
with `em, you know."    Comment from the Prophet...OK, Coach, we get
it.  We understand now.  There's no reason for you and `lil Bowden
to go out and try to win anymore of those useless crystal trophies,
right, since there's "not much you can do with `em".  Too bad the
NCAA doesn't hand out golf clubs for winning national titles, eh?

And, not to be outdone in the silly quote department, FSU President
T. K. Wetherell (who is usually a pretty sharp fellow) had the
following statement:

"I'm glad we got the two of them (the trophies, not the two
underachieving Coach Bowdens) back.  I'd be happier if we had a
third one."   Comment...well, you'd best ask Santa for one then,
Mister President.  Coach Dadgummit and Son aren't knocking
themselves out to add to your collection.   OK, enough beating of an
extremely dead horse, aka FSU football...

Let's pick some games!

Saturday, November 91st, oops I meant 19th
Virginia Tech at Virginia
Now generally, I'm not a fan of anything GOOD that the University of
Miami does.  But, since the Hurricanes trashed VaTech two weeks ago,
it's been sooo refreshing to watch ESPN without having to hear all
about the second coming of the holy Vick.  There's nothing like a
three fumble, multi-interception game to direct the media in a
different direction.  Saturday offers the Hokies a shot at
redemption, and an opportunity to stay in the race for an at-large
BCS bowl. Roughing up the Wahoos isn't going to get Marcus invited
to this year's Heisman presentation, but it might get him pointed
back in the right direction for next season.  Virginia Tech by 9.

Oklahoma at Texas Tech
This late-season contest features two teams that were exposed in
2005.  The Sooners' weaknesses were shown early, as OU fell on
opening day to TCU...and subsequently to several other clubs.  Tech
was allowed to build up some myth of invincibility early, as their
quirky offense was unleashed on a series of lesser teams up through
mid-October.  But with the Texas game came the truth, a point last
weekend's trip to Stillwater and game with Okie State just
restated.  So now that both teams' issues have been displayed to the
football world, who has done the most to alleviate their
weaknesses?  There's no question, folks...it's Bob Stoopes and
company.  While the Red Raider faithful may still be lamenting their
late-season "rotten luck", OU has found new ways to move the
football, thereby giving their defense an occasional breather on the
bench.  And seeing as how Texas Tech still has the issue of an
offense where nobody really protects the quarterback, well...let's
just say that they're in for another lesson in Real Football 101.
Sooners by 3.

Boston College at Maryland
Ah, Bahhhhhhhhhston visits Maryland for some late-season ACC
lovin'.  Clambakes visiting the land of crab cakes.  Ummm ummmm.
Speaking of deep blue waters, both of these clubs hoped to be
fishing for something special in the ACC's Atlantic Division this
year, perhaps even a trip to the title game in Jacksonville.  But
with things not quite working out that way, Coaches Ralph Friedgen
and Tom O'Brien are left to figure out HOW they managed to not
finish on top of a mediocre division.  So, who's gonna win this
battle to determine the second-best team in the conference's second-
best division?   Well, my tip money is on Maryland again.  It's that
old bowl game thing, folks...I really believe the Terps WANT a nice
little bowl trip to end their season.  Gotta give ol' oach "Fats"
credit.  Nowadays, with the BCS making most bowl games pointless,
he's managed to motivate his boys with talk of Champ Sports, Gator
or Peach Bowls.  Winning at home so they'll get another chance on
the road, call it Maryland by 2.

Kentucky at Georgia
Thanks to their old buddy Steve Spurrier, the Georgia Bulldogs are
back in the driver's seat for a trip to the SEC title game in
Atlanta.  All the Dogs have to accomplish is slip past the Kentucky
Wildcats on Saturday.  They even get to give it a whirl in the
friendly confines of Sanford Stadium.  UK is marking time until
basketball season, and probably presents no real hint of being
motivated for this contest.  FWIW, this may be the last time, for
the foreseeable future, that Mark Richt includes "the old ball
coach" on his Christmas ham list.  Georgia by 17.

Vanderbilt at Tennessee
When I (last week) described Tennessee's two-week mid-November
mission as being "a chance to be one of the two best college teams
in Tennessee", I did it in a mocking voice.  But folks, I was as
serious as a heart attack about UT's being in danger of splitting
with mighty Memphis and vaunted Vandy.  Memphis, as I'd guessed,
gave the Vols a run for their money in a game that again proved how
ordinary big Orange has become.  Unfortunately, Vandy "bagged" me
again last weekend, stumbling over the Kentucky WildCatatonics.  In
retrospect, I believe Vandy was just caught looking ahead to what,
perhaps, might be the biggest win in recent school history.
Someday, this group of Commodores will be telling their grandkids
about the last time VU beat mighty Tennessee in Knoxville.  It was
back in 2005, near the end of Phil Fulmer's coaching career.
Claiming the state title, Vandy stuns Tennessee in the southern big
house.  Comms by 3.

Ohio State at Michigan
Vince Lombardi didn't coach in the Big Ten.  But his brand of
football applies whole-heartedly to its members.  Vince knew that
defense won championships, and nothing is more true in the land of
Ohio State and Michigan.  THIS year's edition of this fierce rivalry
won't settle, in itself, any championship issues.  But, there's
still that little matter of winning the big game.  Jim Tressel may
have had an off year, and his offense may be as vanilla as it gets.
But, he'll never be far from the hearts of the folks in Columbus so
long as he keeps beating "those guys from Michigan" with a bone-
smashing defense.  Winning on the road in the Big Ten is tough,
especially late in the year.  But something says that Vanilla Jim
still has the winning recipe to steal another treat from the Big
House.  Ohio State by 3.

Purdue at Indiana
Like almost every Big Ten game, the winner of this contest gets some
sort of silly trophy.  The PU-IU winner annually takes home "the old
oaken bucket".  Come to think of it, could there BE a more
appropriate symbol or metaphor for either of these "basket case"
teams than some old leaky bucket?  This won't be one of
those "bucket is half-filled or half-empty" issues, folks.  Both
teams have way toooo many leaks for that to apply.  What matters
will be who temporarily fills a few of their many holes for this
weekend's clash.  I have a feeling that the temporary repairs being
done in Bloomington will be effective enough to hold whatever water
Purdue throws into the Saturday fray.  Look for IU to hold the
bucket when all is said and done.  The Hoosiers hose down Purdue,
call it by 4.

Middle Tennessee State at N.C. State
Winning this game may not prevent Chuck Amato's impending call to
the local moving van company.  But, it'll put a smile on his face
and a tear in his emotional Italian heart.  Look for the Wolfpack to
feast on a pre-Thanksgiving plateful of Blue Raider Stew.  NC State
by 14.

Duke at North Carolina
This game doesn't do much for me from a football standpoint.  But it
DOES remind me to send in my check and application for ACC
basketball tournament seats.  Hopefully the Tar Heels will enjoy
this win on the football field Saturday.  From what I saw of the
Duke BASKETBALL team last night against Seton Hall, it'll be a while
before they lose to anyone in the ACC.  :)  Carolina football hands
the Dookies one last sports humiliation before the good times begin
to roll in Durham.  UNC by 14.

Mississippi St. at Arkansas
If y'all want to understand the South, just tune in for this game.
Here's a late season SEC clash between two teams that aren't really
going anywhere.  Oh, I suppose Arkansas might make it into some sort
of bowl game...there ARE about 112 of them now.  But as for meaning,
this game has NONE.  But by golly, those crazy folks up in Arkansas
will be going hog wild as they welcome a bunch of cowbell ringing
nut cases from Starkville into town.  This is football in the south,
folks.  The Dogs and Hogs collide with nothing on the line other
than a chance to kick each other's collective asses, just for the
sheer damn fun of it.  No wonder they say football is the southern
religion.  Services every Saturday, y'all.  Arkansas by 12.

Missouri at Kansas State
It's been a long season at KSU.  And things just got a little sadder
in Manhattan, as long-time Wildcat master Bill Snyder has announced
his retirement.  I'm a bit disappointed that Bill's going out on a
low note, season-wise.  But, I have to give him a helluva lot of
credit.  Maybe now IS the right time to head out of Dodge, and he's
figured it all out.  I just wish some other longtime coaches (maybe
one with the initials BB) would get the message.  Have a great life,
Bill.  And enjoy your final win at K-State.  Wildcats by 3.

Syracuse at Notre Dame
Both Syracuse and Notre Dame have rich football traditions.  And
after a series of recent sub-par seasons, both schools chose to make
coaching changes prior to the 2005 campaign.  And at that point, the
similarity comes to an abrupt halt.  While Notre Dame is thinking
BCS bid this year, national title in 2006, the Orange faithful are
looking towards March Madness with a smile.  To say that Charlie
Weis has been more successful in South Bend than has Greg Robinson
in Syracuse is a laughable understatement.  But, football's always
been king at Notre Dame.  While the Orange fans will be happy with a
solid hardwood effort, the same has never been true for the Irish.
There's a reason they don't have a "jump shot Jesus" mural at Notre
Dame.  The team that, for many, defines college football puts the
wood to their NY visitors on Saturday.  Call it Fightin' Irish by 17.

Utah at BYU
One of my readers, an ardent BYU fan, has been taking me to task for
my constant ragging of the Cougar football team.  He's actually a
great guy, and I have to admire his unswerving devotion.  THIS week,
he wrote to tell me why BYU would easily defeat Utah.  Among the
reasons were something about an injured quarterback, some cold
weather in Provo (gee, cold weather in Provo come late November, who
saw THAT coming??), and a miniscule rise in Mitt Romney's national
presidential poll numbers, in advance of the 2008 Republican
primaries.  (my research has suggested that the rise in ol' Mitt's
standing is directly proportional to the increased number of Mormons
attaining legal suffrage, in relation to the general, non-LDS,
population)  Well, it's been a long season, and I just don't have
the strength to resist my Cougar fan's letters any longer.  BYU wins
easily at home.  It's gonna be cold and Utah's quarterback is
injured.  Or maybe he has a cold.  Or something.  Whatever.  BYU by
10.

Washington State at Washington
Well, you can't say Ty Willingham doesn't learn from his mistakes.
At Notre Dame, he got the Irish off to a fast and totally
unrealistic start in his first season.  After that, it was all
downhill...downhill to Seattle, actually.  THIS time, season one has
posted exactly one win into Ty's coaching victory column.  So in
this weekend's "Apple Cup" battle, look for UW to let one more bad
apple effort spoil the whole season as they lose to their
archrivals.  Look for the Wazzoo Cougars to make apple crisps out of
their canine friends in Seattle.  WSU by 12.

Penn State at Michigan State
This game is a bit of an oddity, at least for the Big Ten.  The
final game of each season is usually reserved for conference teams
to play their most hated or perhaps geographically-proximal rival.
But for Penn and Michigan States, they find themselves stuck
together for no particular reason.  I guess in PSU's case, there's
really NO team in the Big Ten that they hate any more than the
others.  And since the conference is still holding that 12th spot
for Notre Dame, there's no chance of Pittsburgh or Syracuse ending
up as the Lions' "neighbor rival".  So, the last-game wedlock with
the Spartans is really more of a "we have to play someone"
scenario.  As for Michigan State, one wonders why they don't suit up
against Michigan in late November.  Well, there's one basic reason.
Sure, Wolverine fans hate State enough to qualify the contest as a
season-ender.  But, they just don't RESPECT MSU to the degree that
bestowing the honor of season finale would bring.  Ohio State is a
much bigger fish to fry, so to speak.  But, there's good news in all
of this for the Spartan faithful.  At least with Michigan playing
someone other than State to close a season, there's always some
chance the Wolverines will go out as losers.  That seldom happens
when the Spartans provide the opposition.  And in THIS game, it
ain't happening either, even at home.  JoPa gains another game on
Coach Dadgummit in the race to see who (a) lives longest and (b)
wins the most Division-1 college football games.  Penn State by 12.

Oregon State at Oregon
If you'd like evidence of the damage "BCS Mania" has done to NCAA
football, look no further than the Oregon Ducks.  The Quackers have
quietly moved into the top ten of the major national polls.  But
since nothing else other than the national championship game now
matters, few folks have noticed.  One group of Duck haters that
probably have caught wind of OU's ascendance are the Beavers over at
Oregon State.  This weekend's trip to Eugene and its noisy Autzen
Stadium will put into serious question this annual contest's "Civil
War" designation.  There'll be nothing civil about the paddling
awaiting the bucktooth brigade as they bellyflop into Oregon's home
pond.  Ducks by 10.

Clemson at South Carolina
After two sad years in the NFL, Steve Spurrier returned to college
football with a very short to-do list.  Among the highlighted tasks
for the new Rooster at USC were:

Find some way to humiliate Phil Fulmer yet again.

Remind the Florida Gator athletic department that Urban Meyer was
their SECOND choice to be head coach.

Take steps to even the score with the Bowden family.

As the happy Gamecock faithful will tell you, the evil genius has
checked items one and two from the list.  And, if he can sneak up on
Tommy Bowden's Clemson Tigers this Saturday, he might just get a
bonus shot at a Bowden.  If Stevie could close out his first year in
Columbia by beating two Bowdens in a row (Clemson here, and FSU in
the Peach Bowl), he'll know for certain that there's so much more to
life than money.  Bring on the next Bowden.  South Carolina by 7.

California at Stanford
Most of the time, when we think of a Cal-Stanford battle, we assume
it's over some rich liberal kid with a high SAT score.  But on
Saturday, the hippie progeny of NoCal take to the old gridiron in
search of a little manly competition.  Now, I'm not sure if the
winner of this game is going to get much more than a discount on
their Christmas-season BART tickets, or maybe a buy-one-get-one-free
coupon for twice-frozen salmon at the local gourmet food store.
But, it's still a matter of pride.  Stanford by 2.

Georgia Tech at Miami
This game was supposed to be played about a month ago.  However, the
approach of Hurricane Willlllllma caused the contest's postponement
to THIS Saturday.  And for what it's worth, Hurricane Willlllllllma
was Georgia Tech's last realistic chance to prevail.  When the storm
passed Dade County without totally destroying the Hurricane football
facilities and program, the Yellowjackets' dream of a forfeit win
went all Bob Dylan, i.e., "blowing in the wind".  Proving that
hurricane season ain't done just yet, call this one Miami by 20.

LSU at Mississippi
As this is the last Saturday before Thanksgiving, you might be
surprised to learn that the University of Mississippi football team
has many things to be thankful for. Oh sure, they're gonna get
whipped like a pot of garlic mashed taters in this football game,
that's a given.  BUT, among the better things on the Rebs' holiday
palate are this....  (1) By losing, they help insure that their
former coach, the traitorous (in Rebel eyes) Tommy Tuberville will
be shut out of the SEC title game.  And (2), there's always the
upcoming Egg Bowl.  Any team would be thankful to know that their
football season ends each year by playing Mississippi State.  LSU by
14.

Fresno State at USC
For quite a few weeks, and even before the season really began, many
people have described Fresno State as "USC's biggest obstacle", "the
only chance for USC to lose", "a dangerous game for the Trojans",
etc.  Jeez with all those expectations and carrying the weight of
the football nation on their shoulders, who'd blame the Bulldogs if
they got a little performance anxiety.  But before the school of
pharmacology starts looking to alter some Viagra for the gridiron,
let me relieve some of the national pressure.  Unlike most of the
national or regional pundits (or in my case, internet nobodies), I
don't really see Fresneck State as much of a threat to USC.  If
anyone is going to deny the Trojans a second or third consecutive
national title (depending on your poll of choice), it's gonna be
Vince Young and Texas.  Assuming that the SC team bus successfully
negotiates traffic in time for kickoff, I see no reason to believe
the 2006 Rose Bowl will be without a Pac Ten representative.  ;)
Trojans by 17.

Alabama at Auburn
Auburn already had a bunch of good reasons to want to bury Alabama
this Saturday.  There was the matter of perhaps moving on to the SEC
title game with a win.  And of course, there's the basic hatred
between the two schools.  So, it certainly didn't improve the
Crimson Tide's expected chilly reception on the Plains when they
FAILED to hang another SEC loss on LSU last weekend, something
Auburn REALLY needed them to do.  Oh well, at least the Auburn fans
won't have to even think of saying the words "Roll Tide" again
anytime soon.  As for "Roll Tide", look for Auburn to roll OVER the
Tide in this year's edition of the Iron Bowl.  Last weekend saw
Alabama lose their undefeated season.  This Saturday brings
elimination from the BCS at-large picture and the sting of a two-
game losing streak.  Auburn by 7.

OK, that's it for this weekend.  Happy Thanksgiving one and all.
And remember, it ain't Thanksgiving Day in the deep South without
football and fried okra.  :)

< <  ============================================   > >

THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© 2005 P.Chamlis/
The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved

< <  ============================================   > >
Games of November 10 – 12, 2005


Well, your lovin' Prophet came crashing back to "average" last
Saturday, as many picks went awry.  There were certainly good
moments, such as the dead-on nailing of the UNC two point upset of
Boston College, the almost perfect point spread on the Alabama game
AND the South Carolina win over Arkansas on the road.   We'll try to
forget the horrible misses involving VaTech, FSU and UCLA.  Nice
work, Bruins.

For the year, Prophet is still a respectable 75% accurate, 176 out
of 234.  As we hit the home stretch, rivalries make picking winners
even tougher.  But, that's not gonna stop me from trying.  Let's see
what shakes down for this week:


Thursday, November 10
Boise State at Fresno State
What a difference a year makes.  Last year, the BSU Broncos were the
talk of BCS anarchists everywhere.  Along with Utah and Louisville,
the boys from the blue field were held up as an example of deserving
teams being ignored by college football's major conference
nobility.  Going into 2005, Boise was supposedly going to get their
chance, as they opened against highly-regard Georgia "between the
hedges" in Athens.  Well, for any WAC protagonists who've erased the
debacle from their memory banks, the Bulldogs crushed the Broncos,
perhaps making some folks question if BSU was EVER legitimate.  The
opening defeat was followed by a season in relative obscurity for
Coach Dan Hawkins and crew.  This Thursday night's contest will be
another opportunity for the Idahoans to exhibit their brand of
football for a national audience.  How comforting it must be for
Bronco fans to realize that it's another road game against another
bunch of Bulldogs.  Look for the same basic result as the last time
BSU tried to walk the doggies.  Bulldogs, this time the ones from
FSU-West, by 14.

Friday, November 11
Rutgers at Louisville
November 11th may be Veterans' Day in the USA, but in Canada, it's
called "Remembrance Day".  Cardinal Head Coach Bobby Petrino may
well want to steep his boys in "north of the border" ways for this
Big East clash.  Rutgers may not be a real "name program" in college
football, but they've played some solid games on a couple of
occasions in 2005.  The Scarlet Knights beat Pittsburgh, last week's
Louisville opponent, nearly as badly as did the Cardinals.  So,
playing at home on ESPN2, L'ullville had best put a
little "remembrance" into their game plan, as in "remembrance of
what happens when one takes an opponent lightly".  But reverting to
the American holiday mode, let's assume that the Cardinal "Veterans"
will play a game worth remembering at good old Papa John's Stadium.
Louisville by 24.

Saturday, November 12
Colorado at Iowa State
There don't appear to be many teams standing between CU and the Big
XII North Division title, so long as they don't stumble over the
likes of Iowa State.  So, look for Colorado to stampede in with a
purpose and leave with a hard-fought win on their way to another
date with Texas come December.  Buffs by 7.  (...and a question to
ponder...exactly how many officials of the Big XII conference,
hungry for Texas to visit and win this year's Rose Bowl, would kill
themselves should Colorado actually WIN, rather than just show up
in, the conference title game?  If you'd like to start placing bets,
the over/under on upset-related suicides is 3)

Baylor at Missouri
The Baylor Bears were victims of mistaken identity last weekend.
They basically took someone ELSE's beating.  You see, the Texas
Longhorns sent a message to the Virginia Techs, Alabamas and UCLAs
of the world last weekend, using Baylor as their unwilling voodoo
dolls.  The resulting announcement was heard loud and clear, from
sea to shining sea, as Baylor was routed 62-0.  Up until that
catastrophe, BU had played most of their opponents tight, at least
for a while.  Depth usually catches up with the Waco boys in the
fourth quarter, and I suspect that will again be an issue this
Saturday in Columbia.  But seeing as how Missouri (a) doesn't have
THAT much depth themselves and (b) Baylor represents only themselves
this weekend, and not for every other BCS title game wannabe, I
think things might be about to go right for Yogi and the other Boo-
Boos.  In an upset, Baylor by 2.

Arkansas at Mississippi
Most college kids in the Dixie know a thing or two about slopping
hogs.  This is, after all, the south.  A lot of southerners bring
home the bacon by raising it.  But the University of Mississippi, to
the surprise of many, is a different kind of campus.  The joke
around the south is that J. Crew makes 30% of their annual profit
just selling shirts during Rebel home game weekends.  Mississippi's
Oxford campus is inhabited by such a bunch of preppies that you'd
swear you were at some Midwestern snotty school that plays Men's
Soccer instead of football.  That is, at least, until they open
their mouth.  Then, you'll that Magnolia blossom dialect; all them
y'alls and yes'ums.  As for sloppin' the hogs on Saturday, that's
work for the hired help around Ole Miss.  And seeing as how Rebel
football hasn't had a lot of wins lately, the hired help's "done
gone".  Arkansas by 6.

Kansas State at Nebraska
Did you see where Nebraska Coach Bill Callahan got his tail in a
crack for being a fan-taunting wise-guy a couple of weeks ago?  It
seems that Billy boy forgot that he was playing in one of the
hallowed halls of college football rather than the ghetto that is
the Oakland Raiders.  Bill was annoyed with a fan, or some fans, and
made a "throat-slashing" gesture in said fans' direction.
Classless, totally classless.  And, it's not very smart, either.
Seeing as how Nebraska football has gone from bad to worse to
terrible, Bill shouldn't be giving disgruntled Husker fans any ideas
with that "throat-slash" thing.  Over on the K-State sideline, wins
haven't come any easier.  But at least Bill Snyder continues to
coach with class, if not success.  Want proof that life is unfair?
Callahan will come out on top in this battle of "Class Bill"
versus "Ass Bill".  Nebraska by 3.

Northwestern at Ohio State
Football purists love a classic struggle.  Northwestern is a team
with a great offense, and Ohio State sports a nasty and stingy
defense.  The collision of the two in the Columbus Horseshoe could
and should be a thing of beauty.  And although not always the case,
GREAT defense usually stymies GREAT offense.  You know the old yarn,
defense wins championships.  Well, there are no championships on the
line here, but the Buckeye "D" is certain to give Tressel's troops a
leg up on the Windy City Wildcats.  On the other side(s) of the
ball, the Ohio State offense is, in reality, pretty average.  Ted
Ginn is supposedly a great, great player.  (although I've never seen
him do anything of note in any OSU games I've watched...I must jinx
the man)  However, if Ted and his teammates are ever going to
explode, Saturday just might be the day.  Northwestern has THE worst
defense in America, or among the worst.  (I think they're still
counting the yards UCLA gave up against Arizona...)  The Wildcats'
defensive strategy is the old "bend but not break" plan.  But even
in their wins, the Wildcats have broken as often as they've bent.
If Ohio State can't move the ball against these guys, they need to
swing on by the morgue.  I say the Buckeyes prevail at home, as both
their defense AND offense bends (over) and then breaks
Northwestern.  Ohio State by 12.

Indiana at Michigan
I heard the talking heads on ESPN discussing which team should be
considered 2005's "biggest disappointment".  The Michigan Wolverines
came in for their share of talk, although they didn't take the
ultimate prize.  (Nice work, Tennessee)  Well, I'll admit that this
season hasn't been anything to write home about in Ann Arbor, but I
don't see this Saturday's result disappointing the 100,000 plus fans
packed into the big house.  Adding another "up" to their "up and
down" year, call this one Meeeeeeeeeeshigan by 14.

N.C. State at Boston College
A loss last weekend by one of these teams put Florida State into the
ACC title game.  Unfortunately for FSU, it was BC being upset by
North Carolina that determined the soon-to-be-loser of the first
conference championship game over in Jacksonville.  So with the
Atlantic Division race over, BC and NC State gather in Chestnut Hill
to play for nothing beyond pride.  Oh yes, pride and Chuck Amato's
job.  I think NC State gets it done two weeks in a row.  Thank God
for unmotivated opponents, eh Chuckie?  Wolfpack by 3.

Maryland at North Carolina
Without a lot of fanfare, John Bunting and his NC Tar Heels have
been sneaking around the old ACC chicken coop this year.  And on
more than one occasion, they've stolen some eggs.  This Saturday in
Chapel Hill, they'll again try to pinch a win from an unsuspecting
opponent, the Maryland Terrapins.  Rotund Ralph and his crew have
missed out on their championship ambitions, but they still have
plenty to play for.  Knowing how much Ralph probably likes those
bowl game buffets, I'd suspect he'll have his Terps in fighting
shape come Saturday.  Winning a toughie on the road, call this one
for Maryland.  Terps by 3.

Connecticut at Pittsburgh
If you want to know the fallacy of the BCS, consider this...going
into last weekend's game(s), either Miami or Virginia Tech, or maybe
both (one can dream, folks...) was already NOT going to get an
AUTOMATIC BCS bowl bid.  But, until Pittsburgh succumbed to
Louisville last Saturday night, the Panthers were mathematically
still in the Big East championship, and thereby BCS bid, race.
That's just soooo wrong, folks.  Let's let Coach Wannstedt win
another game, though...perhaps this one.  Pitt by 4.

Illinois at Purdue
Purdue snapped their losing streak last weekend, right after I
called them the worst team in the Big Ten.   But, I forgot about one
thing...namely Illinois.  So long as Illinois is in the conference,
nobody else can occupy the cellar.  We are, after all, talking about
a team whose highpoint was an overtime win against Rutgers to open
their season.  It's been downhill ever since, and I see Ron Zook
continuing the old "Jack fell down and broke his crown" thing on his
trip to West Lafayette.  PU by 7.

Florida at South Carolina
I've looked forward to this day from the moment South Carolina hired
Steve Spurrier.  As a Florida STATE fan and virulent Steve Spurrier
hater, I knew that having Steve's chickens line up against the
Gators was going to be an emotional gold mine for me.  As Oral
Roberts used to say, "something GOOD is going to happen to you".  In
my case, EITHER the Gators or Spurrier is going down,
guaranteed.  :)   OK, who gets to make my day?  If this were a
movie, you might could call it "Kickoff in the Garden of Good and
Evil".  You see, both UF boss Urban Meyer and USC head demon Steve
Spurrier are considered "offensive geniuses" by football fans.  Now,
the jury's still out on whether Urbie's brand of brilliance will be
so smart in the Southeastern Conference.  But still, he's got some
ability to coach an offense.  But while Steve Spurrier is also
clearly wayyyyy above average in his offensive IQ, he's also an EVIL
genius.  And in spite of what we'd all like to believe, good doesn't
always triumph over evil.  So, I think Spurrier's new team will find
a way to trip up his old squad this weekend.  Meyer's good genius
gives way to the darkness that is Steve Spurrier.  Evil over good on
Saturday, call it by 2.  (...and besides, Urban Meyer ain't that
GOOD anyway)

Navy at Notre Dame
Isn't Notre Dame's dominance over Navy the longest active win streak
for one team over another?  I think the Irish have won their annual
engagement with the Midshipmen for over forty years.  The last time
Navy won, Roger Staubach was their QB...and now Roger is one of
those old guys doing "paid endorsements" for burial insurance.
Speaking of insurance, not much in life is guaranteed although in
South Bend, there's two things that aren't changing anytime soon.
First, there's Charlie Weis and his ten-year contract.  And second,
there's Navy and their forty-year enslavement.  Weis is guaranteed
of at least ten wins at Notre Dame during his tenure, courtesy of
the United States Navy.  Notre Dame by 21.

Texas A&M at Oklahoma
Things haven't gone well for either Oklahoma or Texas A&M this
fall.  But, the degree of negativity is totally different for the
two schools.  Whereas OU has been a disappointment, A&M has crossed
over into "being an embarrassment", at least on some occasions.
This could be one of those occasions, too.  Bob Stoopes can't let
his brother Mikey do ALL the ass-kickin' in 2005.  (Nice work,
UCLA...)   I look for the Sooners to give the boot to Dennis
Frangione's farmers, Oklahoma by 10.

Kentucky at Vanderbilt
I've written Prophet for almost fifteen years.  But THIS game is
going to be a historical first, my friends.  For the first time
EVER, I'm going to pick Vanderbilt to win a Southeastern Conference
football game...and be right.  Commodores win one for the ages,
Vandy by 3.

Memphis at Tennessee
The Tennessee season may be deep in the old crapper, but this is no
time for the Vols to give up.  There's still plenty to prove in
2005, and perhaps the most important thing involves the state of
Tennessee.  Over the next couple of weeks, UT will have to prove
they're not the third best football team in their own state.  Trying
not to become the football equivalent of Al Gore (not winning
Tennessee), Fool Fulmer and his boys take a couple of stumbling but
definitive steps in the right direction.  Tennessee moves up to
second best, passing by the Tigers of Memphis.  Let's call it Vols
by 7.  Bring on Vanderbilt!

Kansas at Texas
Considering the years of sorrow past, beating the crap out of
Nebraska last Saturday must have been a real blast for the KU
faithful.  But, sadly the fun began and ended last Saturday.  By
showing themselves and their ability to the nation, Kansas has ended
any possibility of slipping into Austin under the Longhorn radar.
Running "Big Red" out of Lawrence had the effect of waving a "big
red" flag in front of Texas.  And, we all know that's no way to
behave around a bunch of raging bulls.  Call this one a Longhorn
stampede, Texas by 20.

Miami at Wake Forest
This is a dangerous game for Larry Coker's Hurricanes.  Oh sure,
Miami will win, I have no doubt of that.  BUT...trips to Winston-
Salem are notorious for the ACC's elite teams.  The grass is high,
the Deacs are tougher than you'd think.  The weather is sometimes
crappy.  And traveling to Wake on let-down mode following a huge win
(like last weekend's Hurricane blasting of VaTech) can often lead to
lots and lots of injuries.  The `Cane trainers should take extra
tape and ace-bandages.  I think it'll be that kind of Carolina
Saturday for the Miami Pound Machine.  Hurricanes by an ugly 16.

Arizona State at UCLA
After losing their first game of the year, in spectacular fashion I
might add, Karl Dorrell's Bruins have much to fear in their return
to Los Angeles.  Oh, the visiting Sun Devils don't offer any more
than the usual modicum of threat in this picture.  The real danger
for UCLA comes from my friend Fred.  Fred is a USC alum, and he has
two tickets to the upcoming Trojan-Bruin encounter.  Fred was/is
giving thought to selling his tickets.  My friend Fred also likes
making money.  Put it all together.  Can you imagine how much money
UCLA's implosion in Tucson cost Fred?  There'd better be Kevlar
vests under those baby-blue jersies.  UCLA by 4.

Florida State at Clemson
Just when FSU fans thought things couldn't get any worse, here it
comes...it's Bowden Bowl number whatever, the annual Bowden family
football reunion.
And, it's not just Bobby Bowden's Seminoles playing Tommy Bowden's
Tigers.  We'll also get to listen to Terry Bowden's nasal helium-
speak sometime during the broadcast.  We'll get to hear more stories
of how tough it is for Anne Bowden (mother of Tommy, wife of Bobby)
to handle this annual clash.  Gee, with all of the angst this
millionaire shuffle causes in the Bowden household, I don't know HOW
any of us would dare worry about earthquake, hurricane or tornado
victims.  And absolutely worst of all, we'll get to see another
edition of "Jeff Bowden's offense", possibly the most excruciating
sports program on television.  Yep, the old Bowden family reunion.
When it comes to good experiences, we've all had gooder ones.
(gooder IS in the Clemson-edition spellchecker, folks...)  In all
seriousness, have any of you ever heard of a GOOD family reunion?
This high-noon showdown should be at least a little more fun than
watching your cousins eat Cheerios by a river.  Clemson by 3.

USC at California
A friend of mine, knowing how much I adore politics, has been
explaining the recent load of propositions on the California
ballot.  Apparently one of the more hotly contested ones is
the "parental notification" initiative, and I'm not talking about
the one involving teenaged girls and abortions.  THIS proposition
involves a requirement that parents of football players under the
age of 21 years be notified of their child's intent to play football
against the USC Trojans.  That's a life or death issue if I've ever
seen one.  But, since most Californians are voting "no" on
everything, look for this "rest of the Pac Ten protection
proposition" to be null and void, thereby allowing SC to legally
murder Cal this Saturday in Berkeley.  Trojans by 22.

LSU at Alabama
The Crimson Tide has got to feel a little insulted.  THEY are still
undefeated, and yet once-beaten Miami is basically in a dead BCS
heat with the Tide.  So little regard for a team that's beaten
Florida and Tennessee!! I think the problem is that Alabama has
little or no offense.  They struggled to outscore Tennessee 6-3.
The Vols, on last examination, were ranked something like 110th
nationally in offensive production.  Most people, to the outrage of
the Tide faithful, give Alabama little chance to remain undefeated
come bowl time.  And while I'm not about to dismiss what Shula has
inexplicably accomplished this year in Tuscaloosa, I am also one of
those folks who doubts Alabama's chances to end the year unscathed.
But, it might surprise all of you to learn that I believe that the
Tide will find a way to flush LSU out of Bryant-Denny Stadium on
Saturday.  It will be ugly, it'll be defensive, and some numb-nuts
penalty, fumble, or other error will probably seal the Tigers'
fate.  So for this Saturday, Alabama stays unbeaten.  THEIR problem
will come on another Saturday with another bunch of Tigers

Auburn at Georgia
This is classic SEC "push comes to shove".  Auburn HAS to win this
game to have any chance of making the SEC title game.  Georgia HAS
to win this game to stay in the SEC title game.  (Unless, of course,
your Prophet is right and South Carolina/Steve Spurrier does the
dirty deed to Florida in Columbia)  This would have been a toss-up,
possibly leaning a bit towards the homestanding Bulldogs, IF D. J.
Shockley were healthy.  Unfortunately for Mark Richt and crew, we
all saw last weekend how totally average Georgia is on offense with
that Joe Terzy-Ican'tspellhislastname-shinski guy at quarterback.
Scuttlebutt is that Shockley will actually suit up and play against
Auburn.  But that bad wheel of his is going to limit his greatest
gift, namely his mobility.  D. J. will be running for his life as
the talented Auburn D-line keeps him on a short leash.  The Bulldog
fans should say a special prayer FOR their old buddy Steve Spurrier
this weekend, if they know what's best.  THAT way, the Bulldogs
might get a second shot at Auburn in the title game, come December.
Auburn by 4.

OK, that's it for this week, folks.  Talk to you next week.

91/TIF and ever.

< <  ============================================   > >

THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© 2005 P.Chamlis/
The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved

< <  ============================================   > >
Games of November 3 – 5, 2005

Last weekend might have been a "one hit wonder", but it was magical
for your humble Prophet.  I was 21-4, and nailed some of those game
point spreads very nicely.  I hit several of my upsets, and was
close on one other.  (Nice choke job, Stanford)  So for this week,
let me bask in the glory of being on top of my game.

And here's hoping I don't turn into the "Iron Butterfly" or "The
Night Chicago Died" of football prognostication, i.e. catching
lighting in the jar only briefly.  :)  And whoever's humming "Come
to San Francisco and Wear Some Flowers in Your Hair", I hear you.  :)

For the year, my record is now 158 out of 209 picks, which is 76%.
And while I love the spirit of '76, I'd love to move even higher.

Let's look at this week's games...

Thursday, November 3
Pittsburgh at Louisville
Thursday night's ESPN game features a battle of "might-have-beens".
Both Pitt and L'ullville have been major disappointments to their
fans in 2005.  Cardinal backers expected to take a New Year's
birdbath in a BCS bowl, with a Big East title being a foregone
conclusion.  I guess someone forgot to let South Florida and West
Virginia in on UL's plan.  And as for Pitt, let's just say that it's
hard to believe that so many Panther fans bought into the idea of
Dave "Mediocre Everywhere He's Ever Been Head Coach" Wannstedt
making Pitt a national contender with his very presence.  On opening
day, Notre Dame waltzed into the steel city and slammed the door on
any thoughts of an undefeated season.  At the time, folks wondered
aloud "how good is Notre Dame"?  Time has shown that the better
question would have been "how BAD is Pitt"?  So, whereas preseason
rags pointed to this week's Cardinal-Panther clash as a battle for
the conference title, Thursday will only bring a showdown of wannabe
flops.  But on the plus side, it's in HIGH-DEF! Louisville by 8.

Saturday, November 5
Boston College at North Carolina
Wow.  For one half of a football game last Saturday, UNC looked like
something special.  The Tar Heels were thumping highly-regarded
Miami all over the decrepit Orange Bowl.  But alas, the clock struck
twelve and Cinderella went back to her rags.  Speaking of clocks,
maybe THAT was it.  Miami might have just re-set their clocks to
standard time a day early, which required them an extra hour to get
it all together.  As for this Saturday, I'd expect both the Eagles
and Heels to be in complete temporal synchronicity come kickoff hour
in Chapel Hill.  And although I don't see them cleaning BC's clock,
I DO think North Carolina will have an untimely little surprise for
their friends from up Beantown way.  In an upset, call it Heels by 2.

Minnesota at Indiana
My Big Ten woes continue, as I keep getting hammered.  Whether I'm
bold or conservative, whether I play the home versus visitor angle,
or just look at the respective teams' recent performance, I just
keep missing Big Ten picks.  So, as I make a choice in the Hoosier-
Gopher scuffle, I'll say simply that Glen Mason's boys are clearly
the better team, which in this screwy season can mean only one
thing.  That's right...somehow, Indiana will summon up enough
phantom talent, luck and wizardry to pull a home upset.  Indiana by
2.

Iowa at Northwestern
I was knocked for a loop by the Evanston Wildcats last Saturday, as
the 2005 Northwestern squad went back to their mid-70s roots and
fell apart against Michigan.  Speaking of living in the past, I went
back and read over some of the preseason mags this week, just for
fun.  One, Athlon's College Football, picked Iowa to finish third in
the nation.  Damn, it would take a miracle for the Hawkeyes to even
finish third in the Big Ten, folks.  On their 2005 "predicted
schedule result", Athlon listed Northwestern as a sure "W" on the
Iowa schedule. (They'd chosen, in preseason, to list some games
as "W", some as "L" and some as "*" meaning a tossup.)  Since Athlon
was wrong about so many other things...Tennessee finishing second in
the nation and playing in the Rose Bowl would be a good example...it
only seemed right to throw the baby and bathwater out
simultaneously.  Northwestern returns to their loving Wildcat ways,
call it kittens by 7.

Michigan State at Purdue
Purdue is my favorite Big Ten unit.  It's not that I have any ties
or love for ol' PU as an institution or football team, it's just
that I like the way they've played consistent football this year.
You see, I gave up on them early in the season.  And, unlike some
other loser teams, they've not complicated the issue by springing an
occasional upset, thereby screwing up my win percentage.  I love
teams that play the same way week in and out.  Michigan State by 3.

Texas at Baylor
Texas had an early little trick or treat prank for Frank Beamer and
the Virginia Tech Hokies last Saturday.  For the first part of their
road trip to Okie State, the `Horns fiddled around like a team about
to get beat.  But before VaTech's athletic director had time to hit
Priceline for California air travel, it all disappeared like the end
of a good dream.  And since the Hokies will have THEIR hands full on
Saturday, it's probably good to know that there'll be no more
teasing the pollsters or computers by Texas, at least not on this
weekend.  Longhorns by 21.

South Carolina at Arkansas
I love old southern sayings, they're so colorful.  One of the best
ones involves not knowing where someone is when someone else is
looking for them.  It goes like this...  "Bill, do you know where
Larry is?"  "Hell no, for all I know, he went to sh#t and the hogs
ate him."  Well, none of that means much here, but I guess I just
thought about it with regard to Steve Spurrier, South Carolina's
(beloved by all SEC fans) coach.  The Gamecocks kind of "dropped
one" on Tennessee last weekend, and I'm betting that USC might just
have another load ready for Arkansas on Saturday.  Something tells
me that what the hogs eat on Saturday ain't gonna be all that
pleasant, if you get my drift.  South Carolina by 2.

Auburn at Kentucky
The Tigers may have lost their undefeated SEC record in Baton Rouge
a couple of weeks ago, but they still control their own destiny.
And considering Tommy Tuberville's coaching track record, that
doesn't bode well for the Kentucky Cats.  You see, SOME teams find
ways to be surprised.  They get themselves tripped up when playing
lesser opponents.  But Tuberville's Auburn teams generally only lose
to good teams.  The early season loss to Georgia Tech is about
as "upsetting" as his losses at Auburn seem to be.  What I'm trying
to spit out is that Auburn just doesn't go around getting themselves
beaten by the likes of Kentucky.  Auburn by 24.

Duke at Clemson
Duke University is one of the nation's premier learning institutes.
Some of y'all in non-southern places may look down on higher
education in Dixie, but make NO mistake.  SAT scores at Duke are as
high as the national debt, and rising almost as fast.  :)  Believe
me when I tell you that the rocket scientists in Durham have already
figured out what awaits them on their trip to Clemson.  You have a
Tiger squad that (a) wants revenge for a humiliating loss last
season and (b) is coming off another humiliating upset loss. (...one
called beautifully by your Prophet, brag brag...)  Methinks the
Dookie fans will be better served attending early basketball
practice on this Saturday.  The gridiron will hold no rewards for
the boys in blue.  Clemson by 21.

Nebraska at Kansas
I'm sure that when Nebraska fired Frank Solich and hired Bill
Callahan as their new coach, there must have been some sort of
committee that made the decision.  This weekend's breather trip to
Kansas will offer the members of THAT committee a golden opportunity
to quietly slip into the witness protection program, while the
Cornhusker fans are busy watching the Jayhawk plucking on TV.
Nebraska by 10.

Wake Forest at Georgia Tech
In the "what's good for the goose is good for the gander
department", look for Wake Forest to feed Georgia Tech a spoonful of
their own medicine.  Last weekend, Chan's Yellowjacketed clan sprang
an upset (beautifully predicted by the Prophet...brag, brag...) of
Clemson.   Hey, remember up above when I told you how I loved
southern sayings?  Well, here's another good one.  Look for the
sermon that Jim Groves' Demon Deacons preach in Atlanta to "go over
like a fart in church" for the folks at Bobby Dodd Stadium.  I smell
another upset.  Wake by 2.

Tennessee at Notre Dame
Last weekend, Notre Dame offered new head coach Charlie Weis a TEN
YEAR contract extension.  Man alive, the fish eater brass must
really like what they've seen outta good time Charlie.  Wow, ten
years!  IMHO, it might be a little early to be handing out ten year
deals, but on this Saturday in South Bend, it'll seem like a good
investment.  I wonder if Tennessee will be offering Fool Fulmer and
his staff any ten-year extensions after this season?  Notre Dame by
7.

BYU at UNLV
You might think Bronco Mendenhall and his Provo Cougars will be out
of place in Sin City this weekend.  But, the Mormon Marauders are
used to being sent out on holy missions.  As for this weekend's
visit to Vegas, BYU will go 50/50.  They'll get very few, if any,
recruits or converts into their faith.  In fact, if the crap tables
are humming, they might lose a couple.  But when it's all said and
done, most of the Cougar players will head back to Utah Saturday
night with a solid win under their belts.

Alabama at Mississippi State
Back when Alabama was looking for a coach to replace Mike Price (the
only Alabama coach to never lose a game), Sylvester Crooms was
mentioned by quite a few people.  An ex-Tide player, Sylvester would
have made history as the first black head coach AT Alabama, or in
the SEC for that matter.  Of course, Coach Crooms eventually did the
Jackie Robinson thing for the SEC when he was hired at Mississippi
State.  But I am convinced that he REALLY wanted the job in
Tuscaloosa.  When the Tide rolls into Starkville on Saturday,
Sylvester will once again wish he'd been summoned to Alabama instead
of Mississippi (State).  This SEC-West "first place versus last
place" contest shakes down much as you'd expect.  Crimson Tide by 18.

N.C. State at Florida State
I read where Wolfpack Coach Chuck Amato "almost always calls and has
a long talk each week with Coach Bowden".  It seems that they talk
about life, faith, football, recruiting...all sort of things.  And
in the past, it's been a plus for Chuck in his first head coaching
position.  So, what's gone wrong lately?  Well, let's just say that
calling FSU and asking for "Coach Bowden" could get you connected to
Bobby Bowden.  But, it might ring you onto Jeff Bowden as well.  If
Chuck doesn't have the direct line number for the big guy, he needs
to get it.   Just between you and me, if ::I:: were calling coaches,
I'd dial Pete Carroll or Frank Beamer.  But as for this Saturday and
regardless of which Seminole coach Amato chats up, his Wolfpack will
supply the last win needed for the Seminoles to book their December
tickets to Jacksonville and the ACC title game, where a mauling by
Virginia Tech awaits.  FSU by 9.

Wisconsin at Penn State
Joe Paterno may be the second-winningest coach in NCAA history.
But, at least for this year, Wisconsin boss Barry Alvarez has done
something beyond JoPa's reach, as he actually decided to retire.  It
ain't gonna win the game for the Badgers, but you gotta give ol'
Barry credit for being decisive.  And speaking of decisive, call
this one pretty big for Penn State.  Nittany Lions by 14.

Illinois at Ohio State
I wonder if any of the Fighting Illini fans have contacted the folks
down in Gainesville, Florida with regard to purchasing the
old "FireRonZook.com" website?  This year's Illinois squad has been
taking hits at a speed Google would admire, and I see that trend
continuing on Saturday in Columbus.  Look for the Buckeyes to
disconnect the old orange and blue server yet again.   Ohio State by
18.

California at Oregon
Berkeley fans, after the success of the last two years, are
beginning to wonder exactly what is WRONG with their Bears?  Well,
after this weekend's migration up to Autzen Stadium, the Cal crowd
might begin wondering exactly what is RIGHT with their team.  The
answer, at least on Saturday, will be "not a whole helluva lot".
After this game, and with USC on the horizon, it might just be about
time for the Bears to start hibernating.  Oregon by 10.

UCLA at Arizona
The Bruin players and coaches collectively can't stand the thought
of having their undefeated season end against their hated rivals
from USC.  And I'm beginning to think that, subconsciously, they're
trying to do something about it, as in losing BEFORE that game takes
place.  The comatose performance in Palo Alto last Saturday came
within a heartbeat of flat-lining the Bruins' title hopes.  At the
last minute, the will to live kicked in and the Uclans survived
another week.  On the road this weekend, I'm expecting another
spotty performance, as the Bruins spend more and more of each week's
practice time fretting about SC.  Will Karl's Bears do the gridiron
equivalent of slashing their wrists on Saturday?  It'll be touch and
go, but seeing as how Arizona is NOT a "right to die" state, I'd
expect little terminal assistance from Mike Stoopes' Wildcats.
Bruins by 7.

Colorado State at TCU
Well, not many teams did it to me last week.  I DID only miss four
games.  But as usual, Colorado State was one of the offending
parties.  I think I'm developing a real allergy to wool, courtesy of
the Fort Collins sheep.  I guess I'm just a glutton for mutton
punishment, because I keep making calls on games involving the
Rams.  So, here goes the Prophet lamb off to slaughter again.  TCU
by 6.

Vanderbilt at Florida
Urban Meyer is wrong.  He says that his Gators need "more offense".
And while theoretically that's true, I really believe that a few
more home games against the likes of Vanderbilt are just what the
doctor ordered for the Gator offense.  Winning easily, even without
the benefit of an opposing quarterback's getting injured, call this
one for the Lizard Kings.  Florida by 20.

Appalachian St. at LSU
Nobody would ever attempt to minimize the impact of Hurricane
Katrina on the state of Louisiana.  LSU, both the university and
football program, have had their share of upheaval due to the
storm's impact.  However, recent reports show that things are
improving down in Louisiana.  And speaking of disasters, look for
FEMA to be heading up to North Carolina to pick of the pieces of
whatever's left after Appy State's trip to Tiger Stadium.  The Bayou
Bengals are going to lower the boom on the boys from Boone.  LSU by
35.

Stanford at USC
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.  And so begins
the classic Dickens story "A Tale of Two Cities".  For Stanford this
weekend, it's actually a tale of two TEAMS, but only one city.  Last
Saturday, the Cardinal held a 3 touchdown lead over UCLA with seven
minutes to go.  And with a velocity that would impress the guys over
at the Palo Alto linear accelerator lab, Stanford stormed from ahead
to lose in overtime.  Going back to the Dickens motif, consider this
scary thought.  The best of times, when you're playing major college
football teams from Los Angeles, comes when you line up against the
Bruins.  On Saturday, it'll revert to the worst of times for
Stanford, in the worst of all possible places.  Trojans by 28.

Texas A&M at Texas Tech
Dennis Frangione's A&M teams have all been schizophrenic.  They've
had good games and immediately followed them up with bad games.  And
the bipolar game plan continues this season, with one unsettling
manifestation.  Whereas the Aggies used to be good one week and bad
the next, they're now sliding towards terrible one week and mediocre
the next.  Neither disguise is going to play well in Lubbock on
Saturday.  Look for Tech to give Coach Fran another chance to wonder
why he left Alabama in the first place.  Red Raiders by 10.

Miami at Virginia Tech
The Miami Hurricanes have quietly snuck back into the thick of
college football's championship race.  Like a dangerous hurricane
that's remained just off the NCAA radar, Larry Coker's boys are
looking forward to a season's ending landfall in a BCS bowl game.
The numbers and stats would seem to back up the lofty goal.  Miami
has the second best scoring defense in America.  The `Canes have the
second longest winning streak in conference games, and they have the
second best record in the ACC.  There's only one real problem with
all of this, and it's the Virginia Tech Hokies.  In all those
categories that Miami is second, VaTech is first.  That ugly fact,
coupled with this game's location in the hills of Virginia, can mean
only one thing.  Miami will finish the second second-best in the
ACC's Coastal Division, which will earn them the right to watch the
title game on TV just like everyone else.  Look for Beamer's boys to
do what they enjoy most in their new conference, namely roughing up
south Florida friends from their old conference.  VaTech by 10.

< <  ============================================   > >

THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© 2005 P.Chamlis/
The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved

< <  ============================================   > >
Games of October 27 – 29, 2005

Hey, not a bad week for mid-October, folks.  I was 20-6 last
weekend, making my total for the year 137 out of 184.  That's a 74%
clip which, given all the upsets lately, is pretty good.  How'd you
like that nail job on the LSU-Auburn game?  Sweet way to end the
evening, it was!

Hey, let's talk a little NBA basketball for a second...no
really.  :)   Did you see where the league is going to institute a
dress code, requiring their players to wear "business casual" dress
when traveling on team business and such?  Well, OF COURSE many of
the players immediately screamed "racist", because they saw it as a
dissing of the hip-hop wardrobe favored by the Iversons and
Sprewells of the world.  In a rare moment of good sense, the NBA
Players' Union negotiators (who themselves probably have to dress up
for meetings) went along with the business-casual edict.  The best
line of the week came from Stephen Jackson who, they tell me, is a
shooting guard for the Indiana Pacers, who or whatever THEY are.
Steve said that "if they're gonna make us wear those kind of
clothes, they should buy them for us".   Well Steve, considering
that the minimum NBA salaries are well into seven figures, don't you
think you can afford to swing by The Means Warehouse for a couple of
sport coats and a pair or two of dress trousers?  And if you insist,
as do most of your idiotic hip-hop homies, on wearing your clothes
fourteen sizes too big, be happy to know that the Warehouse has an
extensive "Big and Tall" department.  In this case, I can safely say
that George Zimmerman, the renowned founder of the Means Warehouse,
will have to change his usual shtick to something like this:

Stephen, you're gonna hate the way you look, I guarantee it.
<LOL>   Wear your tie and shut your pie hole, clown.

OK, let's get back to something much more entertaining and important
than professional basketball...

Thursday, October 27
Boston College at Virginia Tech
Thursday night brings two serious contenders for the ACC
championship together in Blacksburg, Virginia.  If you want an
indication of how much this conference has improved in the last
couple of years, consider that both BC and VaTech were in the Big
East only two years ago.  And now, here they are, two true
heavyweights in their new ACC home.  And like a heavyweight
championship fight, this one could be a slugfest; not for the faint
of heart.  This is the college football equivalent of two Sherman
Tanks firing at point-blank range.  And after Thursday night, it'll
be quite apparent to both BC and the nation as to which mechanized
division has the higher caliber shells.  Blasting aside another
challenger to an undefeated season, the Hokies win at home, call it
by 14.

Friday, October 28
Well folks, every prognosticator has teams and conferences that
continually bone him.  Among my many nemeses are the Colorado State
Rams.  Sonny Lubick's sheep continue to pull the wool over my eyes
in every way, shape and form.  When I court them, I'm left at the
door with my box of candy.  When I shun them, they win big just to
spite me.  Yea, I'm developing a solid hatred for CSU.  (not really,
Mike!)  OK, when in doubt, go with the mascot rule.  Examine the
mascots in question, and choose the one that would win a theoretical
battle.  As an example, if USC were playing Oregon, one should
consider that a Trojan could overpower a Duck.  Get the idea?  Don't
laugh, I knew a lady who once won a pile of money in a holiday bowl
pool, and she didn't know jack about college football.  She just
played the mascot game.  So, on this Friday night, we have some
Rams, which are sheep with balls, butting up against the Lobos of
New Mexico.  For those of you who don't have brilliant kids acing
their high school Spanish class, a "lobo" is a wolf.  Wolves eat
sheep.  Rack it, folks.  New Mexico by 5.

Saturday, October 29
Texas at Oklahoma State
Things are looking fine for Mack Brown's herd of Longhorns.  They've
pretty much vanquished any threat to an undefeated season with their
wins over Ohio State, Oklahoma and Texas Tech.  Sure, there's Texas
A&M yet to go, but...c'mon.   I'd say that if UT can just keep
focused and have at least a "B" effort on any remaining Saturday of
their season, the Rose Bowl awaits.  As for this roadie, let's just
consider the opposition.  The Stillwater Cowboys couldn't come
within a dozen lassoes of roping the Texas Aggies a couple of weeks
ago.  I say that tying up a Longhorn is a helluva lot bigger job, my
friends, especially THIS year.  Texas by 20.

Texas Tech at Baylor
The last two weeks are a case of good news and bad news for the
Texas Tech Red Raiders.  The bad part was that last weekend showed a
fundamental difference between Tech's first six opponents and their
seventh.  The good news is that THIS Saturday afternoon road trip
brings another opponent of that "first six" ilk.  If Mack Brown were
a little prettier, the Tech schedule up through this game could be
branded as "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves".  Hi-ho, Hi-ho, it's
off to rout we go.  Tech by 28.

Colorado at Kansas State
Sorry K-Staters.  You guys know how much I love those Wildcats.
They're near and dear to my heart; Big XII loves of my life.  OK,
I'm pouring it on a little thick.  But, I do like K-State.  Really.
But frankly, I'm buffaloed as to what's gone wrong in Manhattan.
Has Coach Snyder lost his touch, or is this just a rough stretch in
a long highway?  Time will tell, I suppose, but like I say, for now
I'm buffaloed.  And on Saturday, I won't be the only person or person
(s) who get buffaloed.  Look for CU to "Buffalo" K-State in their
own backyard.  Colorado by 10.

Ohio State at Minnesota
Even though I worked in healthcare for over thirty years, I
inexplicably watch some of those doctor shows on television.  And
during all of my ER career experience(s), be they live or on
television, I've NEVER seen a more acute case of "choking" than what
affected the Golden Gophers against Wisconsin.  This week brings an
opportunity for some conference atonement.  But, I expect to see
some more choking, of the "Ohio State has their fingers around
Minnesota's throat" variety.  Look for the Buckeyes to do the good
kind of choking TO the hometown rats on Saturday.  OSU by 14.

Wisconsin at Illinois
Ron Zook's Fighting Illini are becoming somewhat of a "miracle cure"
for fellow members of the Big Ten.  Suffer a heartbreaking loss
recently?  Take a big gulp of Champaign orange and blue and see if
you don't feel better by the fourth quarter, just ask Joe Paterno
and Penn State.  Last weekend, they trudged into town all anemic and
depressed, and they literally tap-danced their way home after the
game.  Let's just say that if Wisconsin has any lingering pain from
their recent loss to Northwestern, Illinois should be "just what the
doctor ordered".  Here's to your health, Coach Alvarez.  Wisconsin
by 21.

Wake Forest at Duke
Now that Florida State has left town, Duke can go BACK to scoring in
single digits.  There's something about FSU in recent years that
brings out the best in the subpar ACC offenses.  But this Saturday's
visitors, the Demon Deacs of Wake Forest, will be philosophically
better prepared to shut down Duke's new-found rushing attack.  You
know how they say "don't kid a kidder"?  Well, don't try to run over
a power football team, either.  Back to the basics, call it a Wake
win via the ground game.  Deacs by 15.

Southern Miss at N.C. State
I don't think it's "in" anymore to say "DUH" to an obviously true
statement.  But, I used to kind of like that kidspeak.  San
Francisco has a lot of hills.  DUH.  Democrats hate George Bush.
DUH.  Anyone who buys a used Fiat is insane.  DUH.  Reggie Bush is
going to win the Heisman Trophy.  DUH.   Chuck Amato is going to get
his ass fired at NC State if he doesn't stop losing football games
to the likes of Wake Forest.  DUH.  Yea, Chuckie's in big trouble in
Raleigh, and I truly doubt he'll survive the winter firing season.
But on Saturday, he'll give the home folks a chance to shout his
name minus any obscenities.  Wolfpack by 7.  DUH.

Mississippi at Auburn
Ole Miss' fate was sealed LAST Saturday night.  Did you see that
look on Auburn Coach Tommy Tuberville's puss as his Tigers missed a
game-tying FG in overtime?  Man, it was pure evil.  Look for
Mississippi to suffer the consequences of the voodoo Auburn brings
back from the Louisiana bayou.  Tigers by 21.

Air Force at BYU
I see where Air Force coach Fisher DeBerry is up to his keister is
trouble for some remark about the Falcons not "having enough black
players to as fast as some other teams".  I guess they're all over
on the Academy swim and hockey teams, huh coach?  As for this
weekend, the good news is that BYU isn't exactly Soul Train
themselves.  The Falcons, despite being incredibly white, should be
able to keep up with the Wasatch Mountain cats, at least for the
better part of the game.  But something tells me that BYU will find
a way to get things done at home this weekend.  Cougars by 3.  This
should make the Propheteer/BYU fan who wrote to me last weekend very
happy.  See, guy?  I WILL pick the Cougars to win sometimes...I'm
just not stupid enough to pick them to beat Notre Dame in South
Bend, with the Irish coming off a loss.  :)

Washington State at USC
Pete Carroll and his gilded soldiers finally return to Los Angeles,
after an extended road trip.  The time away from the Coliseum had a
few close calls, but the Men of Troy somehow managed to escape with
their record unblemished.  Some say that the Trojan defense is the
squad's Achilles Heel.  (Classic humor, huh?)  But, I don't believe
that Wazzoo has the muster to provide more than token resistance to
SC's national championship odyssey.  (more fun!)  So, call me a
Homer (OK, I'll quit) as I pick USC to wow the home fans with a big
win.  Trojans by 28.

Purdue at Penn State
It may be tough to tell exactly which coach is the elder "Joe" in
this Big Ten clash.  Joe Paterno of Penn State is the second-oldest
coach in Division 1.  However, recent wins over Illinois and Ohio
State, sandwiched around a loss at Michigan, have put a spring into
ol' Joe's step.  But speaking of "old Joe", PU coach Joe Tiller is
starting to look old before his time as his Boilermakers continue a
season-long meltdown.  I don't see things improving for the Tiller-
man on Saturday, either.  Look for the PSU crowd to produce another
white-out wipe-out for the Lions.  Penn State by 14.

Utah State at Alabama
A couple of years ago, Alabama Coach Mike Shula and Athletic
Director Mal Moore were having lunch in the school cafeteria.  Coach
Shula made the following remark, as he headed for the dessert
tray... "I love cream-puffs".  Ask and ye shall receive, Coach Mike,
replied good old Mal.  Look for `Bama to cream the Utah State Aggie-
puffs in grand style.  Crimson Tide by 28.

Arizona at Oregon State
Last weekend, the Oregon State Beavers ALMOST beat a schizophrenic
bunch of Cal Bears down in Berkeley.  And on that same Saturday,
Mike Stoopes' Arizona Wildcats ALMOST got close enough to make a
game of it against Oregon, at least for a quarter or two.  I don't
know the budget situation in the UA athletic department, but it
would seem that traveling to Corvallis on Saturday just to prove
that the Wildcats can't beat EITHER team from Oregon is just a waste
of money.  Look for Arizona to absorb a Beaver-beatin' in the damp
Pacific Northwest.  OSU by 12.

UCLA at Stanford
In the rich history of Pac Ten football, Stanford has made a
reputation with a few stunning wins over John McKay and John
Robinson's USC Trojan teams.  I see no reason to believe that
they're not capable of transporting some of that mid-70s pain to
USC's City of Angels counterpart from over in Westwood.   The Uclans
may still prove an obstacle for Southern California at season's
end.  But on THIS weekend, THEIR undefeated season hits a Cardinal-
red brick wall.  In an upset, call it Stanford by 2.

Fresno State at Hawaii
My wife told me a long time ago that I could go to the Hawaii for
the game if "FSU ever plays there".  YES, I TRIED to scam it with
Fresno State angle, and NO it didn't work.  Sigh.  Look for the
Bulldogs to ride the Waikiki wave to a WAC-ky win.  FSU (West) by 7.

South Carolina at Tennessee
During last weekend's Alabama-Tennessee game, MUCH was made of the
Alabama fans' patent dislike for Tennessee Coach Phil Fulmer.  (It
seems that Phil has been given credit or blame for ratting Alabama
out to the NCAA for some recruiting violations a few years ago.)
Well, the Alabama fans don't have anything in the hatred category
that the Tennessee faithful haven't felt towards one man more than
any other...  Steve Spurrier.  Good old Steve.  Back when he coached
the Florida Gators, he made his famous remark about how you couldn't
spell citrus (as in the lesser-tier Citrus Bowl) without a "U" and
a "T", as in UT.  Well, what goes around comes around.  And this
weekend in Knoxville, Spurrier slithers into town with his new team,
the South Carolina Gamecocks.  Look for a ticked-off bunch of
Tennessee Volunteers to cook Stevie's goose while they're hacking up
his chickens.  Tennessee by 14.

North Texas at LSU
This game was slated to be LSU's season-opening contest, but we all
know about how Hurricane Katrina wiped it from the early-September
slate.  North Texas must REALLY need the paycheck from this contest,
because they inexplicably allowed the game to be rescheduled to mid-
season, when LSU will be in full stride.  But then, this may be a
perfect time to visit Baton Rouge.  Sandwiched between Auburn and
Alabama, the Tigers might just overlook the Mean Green enough to
make it a contest.  You believe that?  Me neither.  Geaux Tigers!
LSU by 30.

Clemson at Georgia Tech
This Hotlanta hassle features two well-rested ACC teams.  Georgia
Tech avoided a beating in Miami last weekend courtesy of Hurricane
Wilma.  And Clemson hardly cracked a sweat as they blew away Temple
in Death Valley.  Two factors determine how this one should go...
First, Tech QB Reggie Ball has had a couple more weeks to heal both
his body and psyche.  I think he might be ready to play a little bit
of football.  And the second involves the Clemson time-bomb.
Tommy's Tigers always have a couple of games in each season where
they inexplicably implode.  Don't know why, but I think the old oven-
timer's about to go off Saturday in Bobby Dodd Stadium.  In an
upset, Georgia Tech by 2.

North Carolina at Miami
This game was originally scheduled to start at 3:30 pm.  But, it
seems that Hurricane Wilma has damaged the lights, or something
similar, at the Orange Bowl.  So, the powers (more accidental humor)
that be have moved kickoff up to noon, in order to take advantage of
daylight.  All in all, that's a wise move, and not just for this
contest.  I've been in the neighborhoods around the Orange Bowl, and
I'll tell you this, folks...it's not a place that you want to be in
the dark.  It kind of makes post-hurricane New Orleans look like
Disneyland.  Oh well, rain or shine, sunny or hazy, look for UNC to
leave town with some Hurricane damage of their own.  Miami turns out
the Tar Heels' lights, call it `Canes by 17.

Maryland at Florida State
FSU Coach Bobby Bowden has been telling one little story all this
week.  In remembering last year's upset loss at Maryland, Coach
Dadgummit has repeatedly said "they (Maryland) couldn't do nothing
on offense last year, both before and after they played us.  But
when we were there, they was good."  In short, the presence of FSU
somehow turned Maryland into an offensive juggernaut, at least on
one Saturday.  The QB who carved FSU up last year almost immediately
(during the next game) lost his starting job, due entirely to season-
long (minus the FSU game, of course) on-the-field performance.  But,
due to an injury situation, he may return to the huddle just in time
to take another swipe at FSU.  The Seminole defense made Duke look
like a power football team last Saturday, and a repeat performance
at home this weekend will spell doom for the `Noles.  All in all, I
expect FSU to again make Maryland look like a pretty good football
team.  FSU will certainly do a little hosing around, as has become
their recent trend.  But so long as they stick with making Maryland
look "pretty good" instead of "great", homecoming weekend in
Tallahassee should end on an upbeat.  FSU by 7.

Oklahoma at Nebraska
Remember when the Oklahoma-Nebraska game was about THE biggest thing
on the college football scene?  Barry Switzer.  Tom Osborne.  J.C.
Watts & Billy Sims.  Eric Crouch.  Mike Rozier.  Leroy Selmon.  Trev
Albert.  (hey, congrats on getting fired from ESPN, Trev.  As
Yosemite Sam would say, maybe THAT will learn you to keep your big
mouth shut.  :)  You get the idea.  The annual clash of Sooner and
Cornhusker was history in the making.  And now?  Well, let's put it
this way...I'll bet this one ends up on ESPNU.  Folks, I've met more
people who've had smallpox than have ESPNU on their cable systems.
SOMEBODY is getting ripped off on THAT advertising.  OK never mind,
the point is this...Oklahoma and Nebraska meet in Lincoln this
weekend, and few people really care.  For those of you who do, I'm
calling it for the road team.  OU by 2.

Michigan at Northwestern
Santa Claus.  The Easter Bunny.  The Tooth Fairy.  It seems that so
many things that I once believed in prove to be untrue.  Big Ten
football brings back many of these memories.  It seems to be the
conference, above all others, that sucks me in and spits me out.  As
soon as I begin to truly believe in a Big Ten team, they go all
tooth-fairy on me.  Well, I'm starting to believe in Northwestern.
The way in which they pounded Michigan State last weekend had to
have impressed the Michigan team and coaches.  The mere fact that
I'm going to pick the Wildcats to continue their winning ways at
home on Saturday should be enough to bring this train to a
screeching halt.  But here's hoping that I still find the equivalent
of something under my Christmas tree when I read the scores in my
Sunday paper.  Northwestern by 6.

Georgia vs. Florida (in Jacksonville, FL)
This SEC clash is known far and wide as "The World's Biggest Outdoor
Cocktail Party".  Bulldog Coach Mark Richt would be well-served to
crack open his rotgut well before game time, considering the ugly
news about starting QB D.J. Shockley.  The Dawgs may yet fight their
way into the SEC title game, but on this Saturday afternoon, it'll
be the lower-ranked Gators who pop corks in celebration.  I was
going to call this an upset, but I see that Vegas has joined me in
making UF the favorite, due entirely (I'm sure) to the Shockley knee
problem.  Look for Florida to put a medial sprain on Georgia's Rose
Bowl hopes, call it Gators by 6.

OK, that's it for this week.  See you next time around.   And thank
God for the end of Daylight Savings Time.  I truly believe that it
should be dark at 8:30 pm.  91, ST.

< <  ============================================   > >

THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© 2005 P.Chamlis/
The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved

< <  ============================================   > >

Games of October 20 – 22, 2005

Well, Prophet maintained ground last weekend.  I actually picked up
a bit statistically, but remain basically at 74%.  (117 out of 158)
I was proud of the West Virginia over Louisville call, and I
appreciate the huge Mountaineer rally that saved my bacon.  I had
problems, as did other prognosticators, with some of the upsets.
But all in all, not a bad week.

As most of you know, I'm an alum of Florida State, and my Seminoles
were upset by Virginia last Saturday.  A few days after that defeat,
Seminole Coach Bobby Bowden offered what I've decided to make our
quote of the week…

"Well, the truth is that if Texas and USC don't lose, it's pretty
much cut and dried."

OK, I get it, Coach.  Ain't no reason to play or win any of the
remaining games, right?  I guess that the "dad gum" ACC title game
and its potential key to the BCS ain't enough to fight for.  (Note
to people beyond our area...Coach Bowden is noted for saying "dad
gum" and "dadgummit" when he's frustrated.)  You'd think a guy who'd
won more Division-1 football games than any other coach could come
up with something better than a rehashed version of Aesop's "Sour
Grapes" parable in his post-game press conference.

OK, whether Coach Bowden sees any point to the rest of the season or
not, I'm gonna keep pickin' games.  Let's try to get a few more
right this time... dad-gummit!  ;)

Thursday, October 20
Virginia Tech at Maryland
A few weeks ago, Terp Coach Ralph Friedgen reminded the media to not
count out his team for the ACC title and/or title game.  His simple
statement was "we plan to be in the ACC title game".  Well while
I'll admire ol' fatty's chutzpah, I have to question his wisdom.
Why ANYONE would want to face Virginia Tech twice in one season is
beyond me.  But, I have good news for Ralphie in this Thursday night
game.  It'll be the one and only beating his Terps have to absorb
courtesy of the VaTech Hokies.  Someone ELSE will get the title game
thumping.  Virginia Tech by 14.

Friday, October 21
Southern Miss at UAB
USM has a long history at Legion Field.  Oh sure, the venerable old
stadium in downtown B'ham was really the de facto home of Alabama,
and sometimes served as reluctant hosts to Auburn as well.  But,
Southern Miss has played their share of football games in the steel
city.  And it seemed as though the Eagles were ALWAYS a thorn
in `Bama's side.  They'd seldom win, but they always left more than
their share of bruises on the Tide players.  Well in this Friday
clash, the dirty birds from Hattiesburg will line up against a
different bunch of Alabama boys, namely the Blazers of UAB.  Look
for the historical roles to be reversed.  I see Alabama-B'ham
handing out plenty of bruises, while favored USM slinks away with a
hard-fought win.  Golden Eagles by 7.

Georgia Tech at Miami
Folks, not only am I picking a winner in this game, I'm even picking
the DAY of the game.  Originally scheduled to be played on Saturday
night in the Orange Bowl, the contest is probably being shifted
earlier by the approach of Hurricane Willlllllllllma.  (...nod to
Fred Flintstone...)  So, let me really stick my neck out and say
that I believe the game will be played on Friday night, just to
annoy all of the Dade County high school coaches.  :)  As for
picking a winner on the field, THAT's much easier than tracking a
hurricane.  Miami is gonna slap Tech around, whether they play the
game before, after or during the storm.  Miami by 21.

Saturday, October 22
Georgia Tech at Miami
OK, I've already told you that I suspect this game will be played on
Friday.  But even IF it slips to Saturday, Tech still gets their
asses kicked.  Miami by 21...still.
  Arkansas at Georgia
Is Georgia about to become the 2005 version of last-year's Auburn
team?  Do they go undefeated in the tough SEC, only to see USC and
someone else line up in the Rose Bowl?  Bulldog Coach Mark Richt is
a smart fellow, and right now he just says that matching last-year's
Auburn RECORD would make him happy.  And, you really should
take "first things first".  But something tells me that being shut
out of a second straight BCS would really rile up the folks over in
the SEC Commissioner's Office.  Georgia by 13.

Ohio State at Indiana
The Big Ten has proven to be the landmine conference this year,
especially on the road.  Some of the more memorable upsets, within
the conference, have come away from the ol' home field.  OSU
pointing Penn State towards Pasadena two weeks ago is a prime
example.  The Nittany Lions continued the theory the following
weekend, losing to "average-at-best" Michigan.  So the point of all
this talk, talk, talk is that one should pick Big Ten teams to win
conference games on the road at one's own risk.  (My God, if I'm
gonna keep writing convoluted sentences like that last one, I might
need to get myself a good lawyer...)  I HAVE learned my conference
lesson, and will follow it to the letter of the law in most future
cases.   We'll just call it my "Big Ten Plan".  However, THIS
weekend's Buckeye bump in Bloomington will be an exception to the
norm.  Ohio State by 12.

Northwestern at Michigan State
See above.  Michigan State = home team.  Apply basic strategy, ie.
picking the Spartans in their own stadium.  Stop.  Take into
consideration any special exceptions to apparent rule involving home
team.  Is visiting team Michigan?  No.  Case closed, go with
strategy as planned.  Michigan State by 2.

Virginia at North Carolina
My son is in the Florida State band.  He reported, after last
weekend's visit to Virginia, that fewer than 100 people in the
Cavaliers' Stadium were sober during the better part of that game.
I always thought of the UVa troops as being a toney corps, a bunch
of wine and cheese eaters.  Socialites, bluebloods, etc.  But, my
boy said they reminded him of a better-dressed version of the
Clemson fans.  WELL, now that I know that, I can offer some sage
travel advice for the Wahoo faithful as they hit the road following
last weekend's big win.  Buy and drink early, folks.  I see that
happy feeling comin' to a screeching halt in Chapel Hill.  In an
upset, call it Tar Heels by 3.

Syracuse at Pittsburgh
The Orangemen and Panthers are both being led by first-year
coaches.  And to the surprise of most, SU and Pitt are perhaps the
worst and second-worst teams in the Big East.  In Pittsburgh's case,
who would've guessed it, other than all of the pro football fans in
Chicago and Miami?  And for Syracuse, there was no reason to believe
than new man Greg Robinson could turn Paul Pasqualone's mediocre
team of 2004 into 2005 disaster.   Then again, there's nothing like
teaching a new offense to guys who couldn't run the old one.  But by
golly, that's what's happened.  Let's just say that if Syracuse gets
blown out of their home dome by powers such as Rutgers, they'll
stand no chance on the road in the steel city.  No chance?  Well,
not quite.  Paraphrasing what I said about Syracuse last weekend, if
ANY team is capable of losing at home to a horrible opponent, it's
Pitt.  But unlike last week, it won't actually happen.  Pittsburgh
continues to reflect the beauty of Wannstedt coaching with a
stumbling 6 point win.

Louisville at Cincinnati
This year's Louisville squad has done it all.  They've fallen way
behind and lost a game.  And, they've stormed to huge leads, only to
lose the game.  About the only thing UL hasn't done in '05 is
dominate the Big East as many experts had predicted.  Oh, they'll
probably sodomize Cincinnati on Saturday, but...it's too late for
any BCS thoughts in this season.  Cardinals by 24.

Michigan at Iowa
OK, Big Ten formula time again.  Michigan = road team, they should
lose.  Apply any special circumstance...oh yes, Iowa's had numerous
injuries in this campaign, which has scuttled what should have been
a fine season.  So, Michigan wins, right?  Wait, check for any other
corollary events...oh yes...  Michigan sprang a huge upset against
Penn State last weekend, knocking the Lions from the unbeaten
ranks.  Two wins in a row for Michigan?  That does it.  Back to
earth on Saturday, call it Iowa in an upset.  Hawkeyes by 1.

Nebraska at Missouri
A lot of people figured that Mizzou QB Brad Smith would be in the
thick of this year's Heisman Trophy race.  However as we all know,
in order to visit NYC in December, your team had better be at or
near the top of the polls.  The truth is that with Reggie Bush alive
and breathing, the Heisman race is headed towards an early close.
But the good news for Tiger fans is that Mizzou might just beat
Nebraska for the first time in eons this Saturday.  Better to light
one candle than to curse the darkness, right?  Look for Brad to
light up the Huskers in his own special way.  Missouri by 3.

Temple at Clemson
What's with Temple?  Last weekend, they got themselves hammered by
the Miami Hurricanes.  This week, they travel to Clemson, SC, to
hook up with the local polecats.  What's with all these ACC
opponents?  Is Temple angling for membership?  Well, I hope not,
as "we" already have Duke.  The ACC has no need for additional
whipping boys, although the individual members DO appreciate the
opportunity for an out-of-league "bye" week that comes equipped with
a win. Tommy's Tigers triumph over Temple, call it Clemson by 17.

Texas A&M at Kansas State
Let's see, is this Texas A&M's week to get blown out by 40 points,
or are they scheduled to score 60+ points in an unexpectedly easy
win?  Hmmmmmmm, let's check this out.  Two weeks ago, slaughtered on
the road by Colorado.  One week ago, huge blowout win over Okie
State at home.  I see the pattern.  Call this one for my Wildcats,
especially the nice Wildcat Ladies who keep writing to me.  However,
I can't give you a blowout, dears...your Cats just don't have the
offensive firepower.  KSU by 4.

BYU at Notre Dame
The Mormons and the Catholics meet in South Bend, and yet the
heathens at USC probably hold the key to the game's outcome.
Exactly how much of Notre Dame's soul did Pete Carroll and company
cut out with last Saturday's thrilling win?  Well, I believe it's a
deep, deep wound.  But, I don't believe BYU has the scripture or
verse to write a successful ending, even in ND's time of darkness.
One of my best friends, an ex-Mormon, insists that the religion's
ultimate goal is to elect a Mormon president.  Apparently,
Massachusetts' Mitt Romney is the guy.  And while I won't bag any
good conspiracy theories, I'm guessing the folks in Provo would
settle for a decent football coach and program. :) Notre Dame by 10.

Wyoming at Colorado State
In addition to my well-documented (in this issue) Big Ten Plan, I'm
beginning to formulate a formula for Mountain West games.  It's
actually a cowards' contract, as I'm thinking of just staying away
from any and all games involving these Rocky Mountain hosers.  But
until I go ahead and quit, I'll keep making a few token picks.  On
Saturday, the Wyoming Cowboys ride into town in search of something
to rope.  And while the `pokes prefer dealing with cattle, they'll
be content to tie up Sonny Lubick's hometown sheep instead.  Wyoming
by 3.

USC at Washington
A good friend of mine, a member of the USC fan group called "The
Thundering Herd", made the following statement to me this week:  "I
don't know how many more season-ending injuries we can sustain."
Well, that's a valid question, especially when the Trojans line up
against Cal and UCLA, et al.  But for this trip to Seattle, the
whole team would have to have season-ending injuries to affect the
outcome.  If USC can field a healthy group of 11 on-fielders, this
one's over.  Kicking Ty's Huskie pups around, call it Southern Cal
by 24.

Florida State at Duke
Well, it finally happened last weekend for FSU.  And, I'm not just
talking about a loss.  Let me quote Florida Gator coach Urban Meyer,
who was talking about HIS team after being massacred at
Alabama.  "We were exposed." Folks, FSU was exposed last weekend in
Charlottesville.  The offense has talent but no cohesion, not to
mention minimal coaching.  In spite of Tallahassee protests, there
are issues among players regarding playing time, etc.  And Mickey
Andrews' defense is simply nowhere near as good as they, or the
fans, believe they are.  Nowhere close.  In short, they were
EXPOSED.  Now speaking of exposure, Duke is the most exposed
football program in the ACC.  The rest of the league has pretty much
enjoyed an "all access pass" to accost the Blue Devils in any way,
shape and form for quite a few years.  So regardless of FSU's
present standing, with regard to their exposure, look for the `Noles
to redraw the cloak of secrecy around their recently-exposed
weaknesses with a clunking of Duke.  FSU by 22.

Purdue at Wisconsin
Big Ten game.  Purdue = road team.  Purdue loses.  Any other special
exceptions or corollaries?  Well, both teams seem to be falling
apart.  But, Purdue is way ahead of Barry's Badgers in the
department of disintegration.  Stick with the basic plan, Wisconsin
wins at home, call it by 7.

N.C. State at Wake Forest
Even though they're not really going anywhere, Jim Grobe's Demon
Deacons still have reason to play hard on Saturday.  It's called
PRIDE.  And actually, the visiting Wolfpack and their embattled
coach Chuck Amato have plenty of incentive to play their best game,
too.  But until State leads the country in something other than
penalties, I see a continuation of their recent sinking trend.  Wake
Forest by 3.

Vanderbilt at South Carolina
Vandy was sitting pretty in the SEC, at least for a while.  But
then, LSU and Georgia reminded the Commodores of their losing
heritage.  In short, Vandy has relearned the fine art of losing.
USC East hasn't exactly set the SEC on fire in Steve Spurrier's
first season.  But, I believe the Chickens are beginning to scratch
the surface of Spurrier's madness.  In 2005, USC East (sorry, Fred)
is beatable so long as one has the formula, which includes a solid
running game.  Vanderbilt features the air attack, and if there's
anything that evil Steve knows, it's the passing game.  Look for
Saturday night to be a hint of things to come in Columbia over the
next few years.  South Carolina by 14.

Arizona State at Stanford
I really love the Bay Area of northern California.  I guess that's
why I keep picking games involving Stanford and/or California.  It's
my clandestine way of paying a visit to one of America's prettiest
places.  In fact, that MUST be the reason, because it sure ain't due
to any great success in picking winners.  Oh, I pick a real winner
in the Bay Area once in a while.  So, let's hope this call is
something special for Prophet on Saturday.  Arizona State by 14.

Tulane at Central Florida
I visited Savannah, Georgia last weekend.  Those of you who've
seen "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" know that Savannah is
America's most haunted city.  (Yes, I visited the Bonaventure
Cemetery)  I also did a ghost tour, and learned a bit about the art
of voodoo and spells.  (They call it "giving someone a bad root",
due to the help of a root, or witch, doctor)  So with my newfound
knowledge of all things evil, let me humbly suggest that Tulane
consider an exorcism.  Only a few weeks ago, the Tulane campus was
smoked by Hurricane Katrina.  Early this week, Tropical Storm
Willllllllllma entered the Caribbean, headed to Mexico.   Then,
Tulane heads to Central Florida, to play football against the Golden
Knights.  Tropical Storm Willllllllllllllma stops dead in her
tracks, reverses course and heads straight for Florida.  Oh, and
along the way, she goes from being a tropical storm to a category
five hurricane in about 12 hours.  There is something evil about
these Green Wavers from Tulane.  Oh well, if they're going to
attract the malevolent attention of God in such an obvious manner,
they might as well win a football game in the process. Tulane by 1.

Oregon State at UCLA
The Bruins are one of those teams that has QUIETLY remained
undefeated.  Part of the reason could be that they haven't beaten
any noisy teams.  Nothing they've done has raised too much clutter
on the national circuit.  And this weekend's visit from Oregon State
is unlikely to change any of that.  Look for another unimpressive
win from the `ruins at home in Pasadena.  UCLA by 5.

Penn State at Illinois
Big Ten game. Penn State = road team, Penn State loses, at least
according to base strategy. Any exceptions to consider before making
pick?  Well, there's just one.  Joe Paterno has won the second-most
division 1 football games of any coach.  And a lot of those wins, as
with any successful coach, have come at the expense of vastly
undermanned and undercoached opponents.  That's the case on
Saturday.  Bucking the home team trend in the Big Ten, look for the
Nittany Kitties to rebound from last Saturday's disappointment.
Penn State by 17.

Washington State at California
Remember California?  THIS was the team that beat USC two years ago,
and should have beaten them last year.  THIS was the team that was
gonna beat USC THIS year.  Yep, I hear you.  Hell, I'm not even sure
that Cal can beat Washington State.  But I suppose I've got to show
some faith in these Bay Area Bears.  Cal by 4.

Texas Tech at Texas
Two big questions exist for this Big XII south clash of the titans.
(1) Can Texas Tech win a really big game with their high-energy but
quirky offense?   And,(2)  Has Texas Tech received their shipment
of "Longhorn Kryptonite", previously owned by Bob Stoopes and the
Oklahoma Sooners?  The answers are "no" and "no".  And assuming that
UT doesn't commit the ultimate "no-no" of overlooking a decent Red
Raider squad, they should secure their hold on BCS position two come
Saturday.  Longhorns by 7.

Tennessee at Alabama
You know, deep in my heart, I KNOW Alabama is not THAT good.
They're solid and very much improved.  But are they BCS material?
Really?  Well, in truth, who knows.  I'd love to call this one for
an upset, but two things are stopping me.  First, it's being played
in Tuscaloosa.  We saw what happened to a superior (to Tennessee)
Florida team at Bryant-Denny two weeks ago.  And, that's not even
factoring in Alabama's near-miss visit to Oxford last weekend.
Suffice to say, the Tide should have regained focus.  But, the
biggest reason for not taking a Volunteer upset is what I saw, or
more correctly didn't see, in the game against Georgia two weeks
ago.  Did ANYONE see ANYTHING in that game, on the Tennessee side,
to indicate this big Orange club is capable of springing a
monumental upset in hostile Tuscaloosa?  C'mon folks.  Phil Fulmer
has lost plenty of times to INFERIOR Crimson Tide teams.  He just
isn't the sort to outcoach someone, not even Mike Shula.  The Tide
keeps rolling, call it Alabama by 8.

Auburn at LSU
Both Auburn and LSU have recovered, somewhat, from early-season
defeats.  And this weekend's Baton Rouge catfight will go a long way
in determining which team Alabama has to beat for the SEC West
title.  Tommy Tuberville's visiting Tigers have been improving week
to week, and have been largely ignored by the football media.  They
could well have more than their share of surprises for the hometown
Bengals.  As for LSU, they're talented cats, but finicky in true
feline fashion.  You never know which kitties are gonna show up, and
the behavior and performance can easily change, in so much as a few
plays' sequence.  Auburn has definitely been the more consistent
team of late.  But, I'll say this...new LSU boss Les Miles hasn't
made anyone in Baton Rouge forget the departed Nick Saban.  If he
lets LSU lose this game, especially in some excruciating fashion,
he'll need to install metal detectors and anti-aircraft missiles
around his home.  So, look for LSU to find a way to defend their
home catbox on Saturday.  It's a matter of survival for Coach
Miles.  BAYOU Bengals by 3.

= = = = = = = = = = =

OK, that's that for this week.  Enjoy, and thanks for the letters,
folks.  See you next week!

< <  ============================================   > >

THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© 2005 P.Chamlis/
The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved

< <  ============================================   > >
Games of October 13-15, 2005                T I F

Oh my God.  Before last weekend's tragic picks, I only THOUGHT
things were getting bad for the Prophet.  I can only hope that the
newsletter remains funny and entertaining, because it sure as hell
isn't accurate.  But then again, those words could describe almost
any congressional budget forecast...funny, entertaining and not
remotely accurate.  I see where we're gonna send lots of aid to
Pakistan to rebuild after the earthquake.  I'd forgotten how much
money we had socked away in the old national treasury.  ;)

Oh well, I suppose I should get MY house in order.  As of now, the
Prophet is stumbling along at an accuracy clip of 74% (98 of 133).
And after last week, I have to apologize to both Mack AND Charlie
Brown.  I guess I was the blockhead.  :)   OK, let's try again...

Thursday, October 13
Clemson at N.C. State
I read where Clemson QB Charlie Whitehurst feels that the Tigers
have "their backs against the wall".  Well, if Charlie will just
check with Wolfpack Coach Chuckles Amato, he'll learn that he's got
company in the old cigarette and blindfold department.  Last
Thursday night, NC State survived when Georgia Tech felt compelled
to give away a game.  And although everyone knows it's better to be
lucky than good, State will have to try being better (rather than
luckier) than their opponent this week, if the Raleigh ACC news is
to stay good.  Damn, what a game to pick.  BOTH teams seem in
disarray.  But when in doubt for such a clash, you have to consider
who's the home team...and then pick the visitor.  When things are
going wrong, the worst hurt comes in front of the home fans.
Clemson by 2.

Friday, October 14
UTEP at Tulane
This is a home game for Tulane, but I'll admit that I don't actually
know WHERE the game will be played.  I see where UTEP Coach Mike
Price just settled a lawsuit he had going with Sports Illustrated,
so I suspect that he's flush with some additional cash.  You KNOW he
has to be disappointed that a side-trip in the French Quarter
probably won't happen on this roadie.  So, perhaps Coach should just
invest his new jingle long-term.  Speaking of risky investments
paying dividends, look for UTEP's willingness to overlook Price's
past to drive the Miners' stock a little higher.  UTEP by 7.

Saturday, October 15
Kansas State at Texas Tech
OK, here's where I get myself crossways with my huge KSU reader
contingent.  Wildcat fans, I love you guys.  You write to me more
than anyone.  You're loyal and dedicated Propheteers.  But, picking
this game comes down to one simple issue, namely the score.  Or more
correctly, I should say the ABILITY to score.  Kansas State has
difficulty scoring points.   And even the most devout cat lover
would have to admit and realize that Texas Tech does not the same
weakness, which pretty much says everything.  EVERY game with Tech
is a scoring contest, and KSU just isn't well equipped for such an
encounter.  The Red Raiders roll on in Lubbock, Tech by 12.

Wake Forest at Boston College
A lot of folks would consider this game to be especially dangerous
for the Chestnut Hill Eagles.  And yes, Wake Forest IS a tough, blue-
collar team.  Sure, they have a quirky misdirectional offense
designed to drive a defensive coordinator nuts.  But, they'll not
sneak quietly into Boston.  Wake has defeated BC two consecutive
years, and I can assure you that they're on Tom O'Brien's radar.  I
think there may be some remaining issue in Beantown regarding
potential player suspensions, resulting from last week's win over
Virginia.  But regardless of who suits and/or lines up for BC,
they'll find a way to prevent a three-peat for the Demon Deacons.
Boston College by 5.

Wisconsin at Minnesota
I KNEW that Wisconsin would putz things up sooner or later.  Barry
Alvarez and his Badgers have never been the type of club capable of
going undefeated.  No matter how good or talented they may seem,
it's inevitable that they'll morph into mediocrity on some given
Saturday.  The really funny thing about last weekend's collapse is
this...how many of YOU would have picked Wisconsin to LOSE if I'd
told you, in advance, that they'd score 48 points, and that the game
would NOT be an overtime?  Then again, I guess we all forgot what an
offensive juggernaut Northwestern has become, right?  Jeez,
Wisconsin may have to score 100 this week to win.  Just kidding.
This is a game between two Big Ten teams that have taken a wrong
turn.  Look for Barry's boys to find the way back to Big Ten success
Saturday, even on the road in Minnesota.  Cheese Whizzers by 3.

Rutgers at Syracuse
Is Syracuse so bad that they could actually lose at home to
Rutgers?  The mere fact that someone has to ask such a question
points out the difference between today's Big East and yesteryear's
model.  As for the original question, I suppose that I really don't
know.  BUT, if ANYONE is bad enough to lose at home to Rutgers, it's
the Orangemen.  Rutgers by 1.

Miami at Temple
It's not just fans who get confused and shaken by all of this
conference switcheroo business.  Both Miami and Temple used to be
members of the Big East.  However, that all changed as the Canes cut
out and the Owls were kicked out.  This is probably one of those
games where neither team worked much on finding a replacement
opponent.  I think Temple should have tried harder.  Miami by 30.

Oklahoma at Kansas
It's starting to seem like a long, long time since Stoopes' Troops
have won a big game on the road.  But that shouldn't be an issue
this Saturday, as the contest with Kansas in no way resembles a big
game.  OU may not scare everyone the way they used to, but I'll bet
they still give KU the shivers.  Sooners by 10.

South Florida at Pittsburgh
Back when Miami left the Big East, Pitt figured things were about to
get a whole lot better in Pantherland.  And for a year, that was
true.  Pitt somehow managed to fall bass-akwards into last year's
BCS, serving up a nice, beatable opponent for BCS-busting Utah.  But
no matter how the year ended, the Panthers WERE Big East champs.
This year has brought a bad Sunshine State feel of déjà vu to the
conference.  It seems that there's another nasty bunch from "South
Florida" rooting around in the bowels of the Big East.  Like those
renegade Burmese Pythons slithering around the Everglades, the South
Florida Bulls are already causing havoc in their new conference
home.  Look for the Pitt faithful to sound a collective "not again"
moan as they look with disgust towards the state of Florida.  South
Florida by 7.

Colorado State at BYU
Last weekend, Colorado State defeated the Utah Utes...which
incidentally was one of the few games I got right.  In this contest,
I see no reason for Sonny Lubick's Rams to fret over a road trip to
Provo.  Having already beaten the best team in Utah, I believe CSU
can handle the second or maybe third-best outfit.  Rams by 10.

Oregon State at California
I just couldn't believe that Cal found a way to lose to UCLA last
weekend.  Sure, it was nip and tuck for most of the day.  But when
the Bears built a 10 point lead late, I figured I'd fingered the
right ursines to pick up a win.  WRONG.  I shouldn't be surprised,
though.  California is clearly one of the most liberal universities
in America.  And as we conservatives all know, liberals are all
about giving things away.  For the immediate future, however, I
don't see any big political shifts occurring in Berkeley.  Come
Saturday, I suspect that Cal will show some closet Republican greed
when the Beavers of Oregon State paddle into town.  Let's call it
barely Bears...Cal by 4.

Washington at Oregon
It looks like Ty Willingham has made a good career choice.  Unloved
and canned at Notre Dame, he's made his way to Seattle as coach of
the Washington Huskies.  As for success, it's still an "in the
future" thing.  Some folks say that UW won't be winning for years.
But, the good news is that one "dog year" equals seven human years.
So, maybe the good times will come sooner than anyone expects.  But
for now, Ty's life is still good.  He's still losing football games,
but few people seem to care.  In fact, come Saturday at Autzen
Stadium, another dog day afternoon is exactly what the Duck fans
have in mind.  Oregon by 14.

Georgia Tech at Duke
If Georgia Tech's kicker could make a 25-yard field goal, the
Jackets would have won last Thursday.  Heck, if he could have made
one out of two 25-yard field goals, they would have won.  This
weekend's trip to Durham should prove respite for Chan Gailey's
bugs.  His kicker can miss all day long, and it'll just cost `em a
few extra points.  Field goals are seldom an issue when you play
Duke, unless we're talking basketball.  :)   Georgia Tech by 28.
And a note...that guy (Chris somebody, number 21) who agreed that he
was the "best receiver in college football" during last week's ESPN
telecast?  Hey, nice work on tipping that sure touchdown pass away
in the closing seconds, Mr. All Star.

Auburn at Arkansas
After stinking up the joint on opening night, Tommy Tuberville's
Auburn Tigers have shown consistent improvement.  Right now, they
appear to be solidly in the hunt for the SEC West crown.  On the
other side of this contest, the Arkansas Razorbacks also stunk up
their hometown(s) early in the season.  In fact, they stunk up
several time zones.  Unfortunately for the Piggies, the only way
they'll see this year's SEC title game will be to fix the athletic
dorm's dish antenna before December.  Auburn by 17.

Army at TCU
Earlier this season, Bobby Ross and his Army Cadets impressed me
with their gut and determination, losing a close game to Iowa
State.  And while I still cherish the mettle of the Army players, I
believe they'll be a little short on ammo this weekend in Fort
Worth.  Look for the Horned Frogs to bring THEIR shootin' irons
fully loaded.  TCU by 18.

Nebraska at Baylor
Folks in Lincoln, Nebraska just don't like Husker Coach Bill
Callahan.  It probably has something to do with losing lots of
football games, while winning others in an ugly manner.  But, ::I::
like Bill.  Why?? Well, he's made it safe for me to pick non-
significant Nebraska games again.  In the past, whenever I'd make a
choice on a "Nebraska versus Arkansas State game", folks would
accuse me of sandbagging, just for the easy "W".  But now, I can
pick ANY Nebraska game.  There's never a sure bet for Big Red
anymore.  Hell, Maine pushed them hard, right?  Well having heaped
all that verbal abuse on the Cornhuskers, I'll back away a bit with
my pick.  Baylor may have won their first Big XII road game EVER
last weekend.  Never mind that it took about ten years.
Unfortunately, the joy is fleeting and the home folks in Waco won't
get any satisfaction from this week's homecoming.  Big Red returns
to winning, although it just might be ugly again.  Cornhuskers by 14.

Georgia at Vanderbilt
Mark Richt and his Bulldogs had so much fun last weekend in
Tennessee that they've decided to return.  This time, they take
their dog pounding to the Music City of Nashville.  Look for this
Tennessee holiday to be as entertaining, at least for the folks at
Georgia, as the last.  An undefeated Vanderbilt has become a very
distant memory.  Georgia by 28.

Florida State at Virginia
It's still a couple a weeks before All Hallows Eve, but I'd suspect
FSU and Virginia have given it more than a passing thought.  It
always seems that the Seminole-Wahoo clash comes around at Great
Pumpkin time, and the contest often involves trickery and witchcraft
for both teams.  Everyone in garnet and gold knows that FSU's long
undefeated streak in ACC play ended on a Charlottesville Halloween
night back in 1995.  And last year, the Seminoles certainly cast a
Tallahassee spell on what Virginia felt was a BCS-contending team.
I guess I'm just saying that Saturday could bring some early tricks
and treats for the ESPN viewing audience.  And although things might
be mighty scary, I think the visiting Seminoles will escape with
enough candy to stay among the undefeated ranks.  FSU by 7.

Alabama at Mississippi
Normally, a road trip to Ole Miss following a huge home victory
would signal danger ahead for the Crimson Tide.  But seeing as how
the Rebels are completely out of Mannings, I think Shula's crew can
breathe a little easier.   The Tide continues to roll, call it
Alabama by 17.

Louisville at West Virginia
This is an important battle in the quest to become the BCS' version
of a short straw.  Short straw?  I'm just guessing that none of the
major bowls is real damned excited about taking ANY team from the
Big East, at least this year.  An unbeaten Louisville might have had
some appeal, but South Florida whizzed in that creek a couple of
weeks ago.  On the same weekend, West Virginia absorbed a solid home
beating at the hands of Virginia Tech.  Bottom line is
this...SOMEBODY is going to win the Big East, thus becoming the
proverbial short straw for the BCS.  Straws mean different things in
Morganton and Louisville.  For the Kentuckians, straws go into mint
juleps.  For the Mountaineers, straws go between your teeth,
assuming you have a few.  So therefore, let's look into an upset for
this game.  I see West Virginia putting the bite on the visiting
redbirds.  Call it a close one, something like WVU by 2.

Penn State at Michigan
Did you see that "Paternoville" thing going on last Saturday in
State College?  It looked like half the PSU student body took the
week off to await tickets for the game against Ohio State.  And
that "white out" thing was pretty shocking, too.  When it was all
over, the NCAA's second-winningnest and second-oldest coach sprang
back into the national championship picture.   But true to his
coaching nature, ol' JoPa was, at the end of last week's game,
already fretting about the trip to Ann Arbor.  Joe's been around the
block enough times to realize the struggle involved with winning at
Michigan.  But, based on what I've seen on TV lately, these two
teams are headed in opposite directions.  There may be 100,000 fans
plus in the Big House, but they'll do more grumbling than cheering
before this one ends.  It might stay close for a while, but the
Lions should stay undefeated.  Penn State by 9.

Michigan State at Ohio State
This mid-October showdown in Columbus features two suddenly-
desperate Big Ten teams trying to stay near the top of the
conference ladder.  Ohio State lost another close heart-breaker last
Saturday in Unhappy Valley.  Surely, the Bucks will be somewhat down
emotionally as they defend the home turf against the Spartans.  This
week will absolutely bring new and different challenges.  Compared
to last week's opponent, Michigan State will have MORE offense and
LESS defense.  There certainly will be no issue involving hundreds
of thousands of crazed people standing in the Pennsylvania rain
wearing white t-shirts.  And whereas the Nittany Lions were fired up
in a positive way, MSU will be dangerous more from a "backed into a
corner" standpoint.  Michigan State looked unbeatable a few weeks
ago, and suddenly they're in a must-win-to-save-the season game.
Let's just say that the big horseshoe is a bad place to be cornered
and desperate.  Changing up their 2005 modus operandi, look for the
Buckeyes to WIN a close one this week.  Ohio State by 6.

Colorado at Texas
After Texas defeated Oklahoma last weekend, most talking heads
agreed that the Longhorns' remaining schedule would be "downhill" to
Pasadena, and I agree to some extent.  At this point, having
defeated Ohio State and Oklahoma, Mack Brown's cattle would seem
destined to stampede in the Rose parade.  But, it's important to
remember that when climbing a mountain, the downhill slide is often
THE most dangerous part of the trip.  And that'll be evident in this
contest, at least to an early degree.  Yes, Texas may stumble a bit,
and they may take a tumble or two.  But nothing's gonna get broken,
and I see the Horns limping away with another Big XII win.  Texas by
10.

Florida at LSU
It seems as though the Florida Gators have had to re-assess their
travel plans for this game.  They routinely stay at the Holiday Inn
in Gonzalez, Louisiana.  (I bet they had to dig way down on
Priceline for that dump, huh?).  But, the nation's innkeeper has
informed UF that they cannot honor previous reservations because of
hurricane evacuees being housed at the hotel.  So, the Gators have
to split their team between two other establishments.  Hey, speaking
of evacuees, Urban Meyer had best have an emergency "get out of
town" plan in place if he even thinks about bringing home another
embarrassing SEC defeat.  A sloppy win over Mississippi State last
weekend did little to salve Gator fans' attitude about the October
1st massacre in Tuscaloosa.  As for this game, I'll preface with
exactly what I said before the Alabama game.  I think Florida has a
better group of players...more speed, more depth, etc.  But having
said that, I now say this...LSU's Tiger Stadium on a Saturday night
makes Alabama's Bryant-Denny stadium seem like a quiet vacation in
Puerto Vallarta.  You'd better review that evacuation plan, Urban.
LSU by 7.

USC at Notre Dame
I read where former USC coach John Robinson said he was going
to "buy a red sweater and a ticket to this game", just for the
experience of it all.  Now, I've been to a game at Notre Dame
Stadium.  The seats are numbered in such a way as befitted the
1930s, not the twenty-first century.  I guess I'm just suggesting
that the less-than-svelte John Robinson might need to buy TWO
tickets to this game, if he'd like to be comfortable in his seat
(s).  Speaking of taking up space, the Irish have taken more than
their share of wins over USC in South Bend.  But regardless of how
many tickets John Robinson is forced to buy, I think it'll be worth
every penny to see the Trojans win another big game.  USC by 14.

= = = = = = = =
All right, folks.  That's your weekly load of rubbish.  Enjoy!   -
Prophet     T I F

< <  ============================================   > >

THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© 2005 P.Chamlis/
The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved

< <  ============================================   > >
Games of October 6-8, 2005

Well, I knew it couldn't last.  After a terrific slate two weeks
ago, the Prophet had an awful week, thanks in part to such
troublemaker teams as Penn State, Oklahoma and Maryland.  Memo to
Coaches Joe Paterno, Bob Stoopes and Ralph Friedgen...you're on my
list, gentlemen.  Watch your backs.  :)

For the season, Prophet is 83 out of 110 games, which is a paltry
75%.  If it were a FCAT score (Florida College Admissions Test), I'd
be repeating the 11th grade.

Let's see if we can show improvement this week...

Thursday, October 6
N.C. State at Georgia Tech
Wolfpack Coach Chuck "Muscles" Amato is starting to feel some heat
in Raleigh.  A losing ACC record in the post-Phillip Rivers era,
coupled with two straight losses to rival North Carolina, have the
Pack fans breathing fire.  When State heads out to Atlanta Thursday,
it might infer that Chuckles shouldn't come home without a win.  If
that's what Amato's been told, I'd suggest he search Hotels.Com for
some extended-stay deals down in the Big Peach.  Another
disappointment for NC State, call it Georgia Tech by 7.

Friday, October 7
Syracuse at Connecticut
The new and improved Big East conference is making a big deal out of
the "two new coaches" in their midst.  We all know what a huge
impact Dave Wannstedt has had over at Pitt.  And last weekend, I got
to see firsthand how things were going for Gregg Robinson at
Syracuse.  The short answer is NOT WELL.  Syracuse's football team
was about as exciting and threatening, at least from my vantage
point in the nosebleed seats, as a plate of canned peas.  If you'd
asked me before the season who'd win a game between UConn and SU, it
would have seemed a no-brainer.  The same description holds now, but
let's just say I'm using another side of my brain.  UConn by 3.

Saturday, October 8
Marshall at Virginia Tech
When Marshall's Thundering Herd thunders into Blacksburg on
Saturday, they're going to be way out of their league, both from a
conference and competitive standpoint.  Come game's end, a nickname
change might be in order for the former MAC-daddies.  How
does "Thumped Herd" sound?  Tech keeps running for the roses, Hokies
by 21.

Wake Forest at Florida State
OK, even as the most skeptical of FSU fans, I have to admit that
things have gone better than I expected in 2005.  Back in August, I
would've bet a week's pay that the Noles would not be undefeated at
this point of their season.  That being said, I'm still sanguine and
grounded, much more so than many of my Seminole brethren.  Our local
newsrag made some comment today about FSU "sniffing the roses", as
in a visit to Pasadena in January.  Well, let's just remember one
important thing...roses are great.  But, they can be killed by the
application of too much fertilizer.  If FSU can concentrate on
playing football and not slinging "we're great fertilizer" this
weekend, they'll live to be 5-0.  Wake Forest is more dangerous than
they are talented.  They'll need help to spring an upset, and I
don't think the Seminoles will supply enough overconfidence to
stumble over the Deacs.  FSU by 14.

Wisconsin at Northwestern
It's not a matter of if, but rather when.  Wisconsin is undefeated,
sitting atop the Big Ten heap.  But, we all know the Badger
history.  Barry's boys have been in this position before.  And
somehow, they always managed to putz the whole show up.  Screw the
pooch, so to speak.  We all know it's going to happen sooner or
later.  This week?  Nah...Northwestern will perhaps throw a bit of a
scare Wisconsin's way.  But in the end, it'll be another 2005 "W"
for Coach B.  Badgers by 6.

Illinois at Indiana
There is nothing more dangerous than attempting to pick a winner in
a football game between losers.  You're asking one team to do
something totally unfamiliar.  Alien.  But when you finally decide
to take the plunge, it's an issue of determining who's the BIGGER
basket case on the field.  For this game, that's an easy pick.
Rappin' Ron Zook and his Illini seem to have tossed in the old towel
for this season.  I suppose the Champaign Braves can perhaps even
the score(s) come basketball season.  And speaking of being losers,
what's with Indiana?  Heck, they were undefeated before last
weekend.  Kind of rocks my universe trying to think of the Hoosiers
as anything beyond incompetent.  Indiana by 10.

West Virginia at Rutgers
Last weekend, Rutgers looked pretty damned good when they played
Pittsburgh.  Then again, who doesn't?  And also last weekend, West
Virginia looked pretty average as they succumbed to Virginia Tech.
Then again, who doesn't?  In a Big East season that, so far, defies
both interest and logic, it's time to restore a bit of status quo.
And for years and years in the Big Least, it's been West Virginia =
winners, Rutgers = losers.   Going with the formula, let's call it
Mountaineers by 9.

Mississippi St. at Florida
Last weekend was a lesson for new Gator boss Urban Meyer.  Urbie
found out how seriously Florida fans take embarrassing conference
losses.  So, I'd suspect that the coach will put that knowledge to
good use Saturday in Gainesville.  Winning over Mississippi State
should be a given, but there's one little bit of ugly UF history
that Coach Meyer would be well served to notice.  Losing to the
Bulldogs got the last Gator coach canned in the middle of the
season.  When's the last time a Mountain West coach got fired IN MID-
SEASON for losing a game, Urbie?  Welcome to football in the south,
man. Florida by 19.

Minnesota at Michigan
The Gophers and Wolverines went in opposite conference directions
last weekend.  Faced with adversity on the road in East Lansing,
Lloyd Carr's crew found themselves and salvaged their season by
beating (for the umpteenth time) Michigan State.  Minnesota, OTOH,
found their way to State College, Pennsylvania, only to lose their
undefeated season, not to mention their confidence.  For Saturday, I
see a continuation of recent trends.  Look for Michigan to continue
finding their way back into the conference race.  And Minnesota??
Let's just say the Gophers will be digging themselves a deeper hole
in this game.  Michigan by 7.

Kansas at Kansas State
Well, if nothing else, I made the K-State cadre happy last
Saturday.  I have a huge group of Wildcats who read Prophet, and
they LOVE it when I pick their team to win.  Now personally, if it
were me, I'd prefer to have me pick AGAINST my team.  I have this
real penchant for missing big games.  So, be careful what you ask
for KSU fans.  This should get me lots of email love...  Kansas
STATE by 6.

The Citadel at Mississippi
Rebel fans have been griping at me all season. It seems that I've
failed to pick a single Mississippi game this year.  I don't do this
consciously, but perhaps there's an underlying reason.  "Ole MISS"
is a good commentary on my history with the Rebels.  During my ten-
plus years of writing Prophet, I am way below even picking
Mississippi games.  I "MISS" them all the time.  But, I'll go ahead
and make a pick here, just to show the old Rebel flag.  I saw the
Citadel play football a few weeks ago in person.  So, I feel
confident in picking Ole Miss to triumph in this most Confederate of
clashes.  (The Rebels against the guys who fired the first shots at
Fort Sumter)  Mississippi by 24.

Arizona at USC
Arizona coach Mike Stoopes is best known for his swarming defenses
back at Oklahoma.  I'm sure that Mikey was more than pleased to NOT
be associated with what happened to the Sooners in last year's
Orange Bowl.  But, Pete Carroll and his Trojan men haven't forgotten
about the "other" Stoopes.  Look for USC to give Arizona's Stoopes
brother some of the same brotherly love dished out in last year's
title game.  SC by 24.

Texas Tech at Nebraska
How much longer can Nebraska stay undefeated with their pitiful
offensive output?  Not much, I'd say.  Certainly, the Big Red
players will be out to avenge last season's 70-14 annihilation by
Texas Tech.  And, I'd expect things to get nowhere near as "out of
hand" on Saturday.  But, there's a reason that the Red Raiders
killed Nebraska last year.  And I don't think enough has changed
over the past twelve months to alter the eventual outcome in this
contest.  Closer than 2004, but with the same winner, I say Callahan-
Ball comes up short of the mark.  Texas Tech by 10.

North Carolina at Louisville
John Bunting's Tar Heels have become unwanted menaces to favored
teams over the last few weeks.  There was an upset win over NC
State, and an upset of highly-regarded, but severely over-rated,
Utah.  UNC would seem to be the last team any ranked club would want
to face right now.  However, nothing could match the chagrin and
embarrassment that Louisville felt two weeks ago, being massacred by
South Florida.  So, look for the Heels to hotfoot it out of Papa
John's Stadium Saturday on the losing end of the stick.  Cardinals
by 13.

Stanford at Washington State
I've recently become quite close to some Cal Bear fans.  And not
surprisingly, they've shared their disdain for all things Stanford
with me.  Never mind that a degree from Palo Alto can mean big
things career-wise.  Cardinal football just doesn't seem to be on
the high part of the bell curve this year.  Didn't Stanford lose to
some high school team a few weeks ago?  And no, Cal fans...Stanford
does NOT host the Hoover institute just because they suck like a
cheap vacuum cleaner.  :)  As for this weekend, Stanford travels up
to play Washington State, a team only slightly better than Marin
Catholic High School.  But, that's enough to hang another
embarrassing "L" on Coach Walt Harris' boys.  Wazzoo State by 8.

Utah at Colorado State
Last year was sheer magic for the Utah Utes.  BCS bowl, undefeated
season, number one pick in the NFL draft.  But, what a difference
twelve months makes.  The Utes have already tanked twice this year,
both upset losses.  And their former wondercoach, Urban Meyer, is
off losing big games in the Southeastern Conference.  Is Saturday's
trip to Fort Collins an opportunity to regain the glory of recent
past?  Sure it is...for Colorado State, anyway.  Rams by 3.

LSU at Vanderbilt
Folks in Nashville got themselves all worked up about Vandy's early-
season success.  Had the Commodores been able to win last weekend,
they'd have been 5-0 for the first time since Charlemagne ruled
Europe.  However, the combination of hype and mighty Middle
Tennessee put an end to that notion.  And on Saturday, let's just
say that 4-1 Vanderbilt is going to be 4-2 in a hurry.  LSU may be
tougher to figure than Japanese arithmetic.  But, only two quarters
of the "good LSU" team should be more than enough to unplug the
iPods in Music City Saturday night.  LSU by 21.

California at UCLA
Saturday night finds the Rose Bowl hosting the Pac Ten battle of the
Bears.  The Golden variety (Cal) and the Bruin variety (UCLA) go at
it to determine whose conference season goes into hibernation
first.  This game may be closer than we'd have suspected a few weeks
ago, but look for UCLA to be the first bears in bed Saturday.  And,
they're dressed the part...those baby blue unis look like pajamas,
right?  Cal by 4.

BYU at New Mexico
Time to pick on BYU's fraternity-substitute "clubs" again.  This
week's silly sounding BYU club is the "Students Against
Pornography".  Now, I'm not saying that being against pornography
is, in any way, wrong.  But, I just wonder what set of events leads
to one joining a "Students Against Pornography Club".  Does this
mean that any student NOT in the club is in favor of pornography?
Speaking of pornography, the game tape of this contest could be
somewhat distasteful back in Provo.  New Mexico does the old nasty
to Bronco's Cougars.  Lobos by 5.

Oregon at Arizona State
Call this one the consolation prize.  Oregon and ASU, the most
recent victims of USC, hook up in Tempe to decide who might get
second place in the Pac Ten.  And, I said MIGHT...Cal and UCLA might
have something to say about positions 2 through 5 as well.  Common
wisdom says that Oregon has had more time to recover from their
loss.  And, since Oregon was pretty much blown out after halftime,
it wasn't THAT heartbreaking of a setback.  OTOH, Arizona State
fought the good fight and had victory in sight.  But a sudden
propensity by the Devil receivers to catch footballs and then give
them to the DBs covering them snatched defeat from the jaws of
victory.  There's no doubt that Arizona State will be in a funk, for
at least part of this contest.  However, I believe the hot desert
climate might be enough to roast the northwestern Ducks before
games' end.  Pass the orange glaze, Arizona State by 7.

Ohio State at Penn State
Maybe Penn State IS back.  The win over Minnesota last weekend was a
complete thrashing.  Could old JoPa finally have things rolling
again in State College?  Well, PSU IS better than, say a couple of
years ago.  But, they're untested.  Ohio State, OTOH, IS
tested...and they failed the test, succumbing at home to Texas.  The
Buckeyes know, to a man, that their hopes of something big in 2005
rest with leaving Beaver Stadium winners.  This'll come down to
defense, and I see AJ Hawk and company putting the brakes on
anything special that Penn State seems to have found in 2005.  In a
battle, call it Ohio State by 6.

Georgia at Tennessee
Have you noticed that Georgia, under Mark Richt, often plays tight
in big games?  And, this Saturday's contest is most definitely a big
game, rife with SEC-East connotations.  Speaking of tight, Tennessee
is getting to where they play tight in EVERY game, which would seem
to be a detriment.  However, when nervous teams collide, I think the
one that's endured and persevered most effectively in other games
has an advantage.  Tennessee may have won THIS game two weeks ago
when they climbed out of the crypt down at Baton Rouge.  Look for
the Vols' return from the dead to kill Georgia's undefeated slate
for 2005.  Tying things into a big mess in the eastern SEC race,
let's call it Tennessee by 3.

Oklahoma at Texas
Oh boy, it's time for the old "Red River Shootout".  And for the
first time in years, things look like they'll be very much
different.  And, I say that happily, as I was always a Texas
Longhorn fan, due to my childhood time in Texas.  But, have things
REALLY changed in UT's favor?  Well, the analogy that's bothering me
focuses on Coach Mack Brown.  Hmmmmm, Mack BROWN.  Same last name
as, ahhhh CHARLIE Brown.  Good ol' Chuck.  I keep visualizing that
routine where Lucy offers to hold the football while Charlie Brown
does a placekick.  Charlie always doubts her integrity, and does his
best to avoid the inevitable.  But eventually, Lucy cons good old
Charlie Brown into giving it a try.  And, you know the rest.  She
pulls the ball away and he falls flat.  Let's just say that I think
Bob Stoopes and Lucy Van Pelt are a lot alike.  Poor old blockheaded
Charlie Brown.  Oklahoma in an upset, Sooners by 2.


See you all next week.

91SIYTIFILYTM

< <  ============================================   > >

THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© 2005 P.Chamlis/
The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved

< <  ============================================   > >
Games of September 29 – October 01, 2005

Well, I had a pretty decent week, save a last minute collapse by
LSU.  I went 19 for 22, as 4 of 5 overtime games broke my way. That
drives my yearly total to 80% (66/83).  It can't stay that way, but
just to be sniffing the high clouds this late in September is so
very worth it all.

So, what's on tap for this week?  Read on...

Thursday, September 29
Air Force at Colorado State
The US Air Force is not your father's Army Air Corps.  They've
replaced the saturation bombing of WWII with precision or, as they
call them, surgical strikes today.  Unfortunately, the targeting of
these so-called smart bombs isn't 100% accurate, and there are
often "near misses".  Near-miss could describe quite a few of the
USAFA football games this year as well.  As for Thursday night,
let's just say that I think Air Force is about due to bulls-eye a
target in Fort Collins.  Falcons by 4.

Friday, September 30
Pittsburgh at Rutgers
Was last weekend's big Panther win a sign that Dave Wannstedt has
finally turned the corner in Pittsburgh?  Well, the bad news is that
Pitt is still only 1-3.  But when you think about it, they've at
least made some progress since that debacle against Ohio a few weeks
ago.  In addition to their stunning triumph against Youngstown State
(obvious sarcasm, eh?), the Panthers damn-near beat mighty Nebraska
the week before (even more sarcasm).  This Friday night, we'll find
out one of two things.  Either last week's game signaled that Pitt
has finally found their identity.  Or, perhaps it just means that
they found someone they could beat.  I suspect that there's truth in
both notions.  But seeing as how this Friday is my "always sees the
good in people" daughter's birthday, let's give the moustache man
the benefit of the doubt.  Hell, it's Rutgers, folks.  Pitt by 2.

Saturday, October 1
Texas at Missouri
Nobody was happier to see Southern California rally to beat Oregon
last weekend than Texas coach Mack Brown.  Had the Trojans been
upset, it would have certainly led to the Longhorns being named
numero uno.  And, that might have led UT back to their
underachieving ways.  Mizzou is no great football team, we all know
that.  But, they would be dangerous for any OVERLY big-headed team
from Texas on Saturday.  As it is, Mack's Toros will only have the
big win over Ohio State to feed their ego.  I suspect it won't be
enough to foul up Texas' big dreams.  Longhorns by 14.

Florida Atlantic at Louisville
OK, this game doesn't mean squat.  But, I'm picking it on a
vendetta.  I said that damned Howard Schnellenberger's Owls would
win last weekend, and they bit me on the butt.  Thank God I chose
not to make a pick on the Louisville-USF game, because I would have
missed that one by a mile, too.   For this game, I expect that the
Cardinals will be in an extremely foul humor following the Tampa
tragedy of last Saturday.  So, watch me smile broadly as I tell you
that Howard's old team (Louisville) will mash his new team (FAU) up
at old Papa John's Stadium.  Better ingredients, better pizza?  Try
better players who are more pissed off.  Louisville by 24.

Virginia at Maryland
Our local newspaper, the Tallahassee Democrat (aka "The Mullet
Wrapper"), made the following statement, with regard to the Virginia
Cavaliers.  "Virginia must be careful of upcoming potholes on their
schedule".  OK, I'll buy that.  But as potholes go, Maryland doesn't
appear to be a very deep one.  So, I think the Wahoos will win on
the road, potholes and all.  Let's call it by 9.

Indiana at Wisconsin
This is Badger Coach Barry Alvarez's swan song season.  Before the
2005 campaign, the head rat announced his retirement as head
football coach.  And things have gone swimmingly as UW remains
undefeated.  They even managed to finally beat Lloyd Carr and
Michigan as a going-away present for Coach Barry.  And while that
Wolverine win was quite a treat, beating Indiana should hold nowhere
near as much magic.  In the football equivalent of giving your dad
his yearly tie for Father's Day, look for Wisconsin to give ol'
Coach one more helping of Hoosier on his way out the door.  Badgers
by 14.

Connecticut at Army
I predicted an Army loss last Friday night, and it happened...but it
didn't happen the way I suspected.  I knew that Army boss Bobby Ross
was a crusty old soldier who'd put up a good fight.  But jeez, I
didn't expect it to be so darned close.  Army came within an
artillery shell of exploding right in Iowa State's faces on the
banks of the Hudson.  Folks, I was impressed by what Bobby Ross has
done for the Black Knights.  On Saturday, look for Army to return to
winning football games as they subject the Connecticut Huskies to a
classic pincer strategy featuring a sound game plan and a rabid home
crowd.  Bobby's band of brothers triumph for the first time in 2005,
call it by 7.

Illinois at Iowa
This one's the disappointment bowl.  Both Illinois and Iowa are
coming off VERY disappointing losses.  The difference is that Iowa's
players have had two weeks to seethe over their collapse against
Iowa State, whereas Ron Zook's Illini were only embarrassed seven
days ago.  And FWIW in the Illinois case, being beaten is becoming a
habit.  The only feathers in the Illini bonnets this weekend will
belong to an angry bunch of Iowa Hawkeyes.  Putting talons to the
visitors, call this one Iowa by 10.

Mississippi at Tennessee
For two and a half quarters last weekend, I looked like a genius
with regard to Tennessee. The Vols were stumbling around Baton
Rouge, playing every bit like a team that had just gotten off a
bumpy plane ride...which turned out to be the case.  UT Coach Phul
Fillmer had chosen to fly in on the day of Monday's game only a few
hours ahead of kick-off.  This was admittedly due more in part to
the shortage of hotel space in Baton Rouge than to some idiotic
strategy on Phul's part.  Luckily for the Vols, this week's travel
plans will be much less complicated, as Ole Miss crawls into Neyland
Stadium for a whipping.  Tennessee may be about to become a much
better football team, now that they've settled on the right starting
QB.  Look for new field general Rick Clausen to lead the Rocky
Toppers to an easy SEC win against the undermanned Rebels.
Tennessee by 17.

Utah at North Carolina
A couple of weeks ago, Utah had the nation's second longest winning
streak snapped by TCU.  A lot of people felt and said that the Utes
might have simply overlooked the Horned Frogs just a bit, resulting
in the upset loss.  No matter, Utah headed back to SLC and started
another win streak by beating the Air Force.  I'm sure they've
learned their lesson about overlooking innocuous teams on the road.
Sure they have...   In an upset, Carolina wins at home, call it
Heels by 2.

LSU at Mississippi State
Boy, it's a good thing LSU is back on the road this weekend.  I
don't think the people of Louisiana could stand another dose of the
same "emotional help" meted out by the Tigers last Monday night.
Sure, things started out well in Tigerland.  But by the third
quarter, LSU had begun taking on water faster than the ninth ward in
Orleans Parish.  And the Bayou Bengals' performance thoroughly
avoidable overtime was the football equivalent of standing on a roof
and signaling for a helicopter.  As for this weekend, I figure the
only team needing a rescue will be the hometown Bulldogs.   LSU by
14.

Syracuse at Florida State
Last season found FSU registering a hard-fought four point win over
Syracuse.  But since then, so much has changed.  Syracuse has a new
head coach and a new offensive scheme.  FSU has a new starting QB
and a newfound offensive confidence.  So isn't it funny that all
this change won't amount to a hill of beans on the final
scoreboard?  New year, old result.  FSU by 4 points, as they win an
unexpectedly difficult contest.

Iowa State at Nebraska
In their last game, the Iowa State Cyclones ALMOST lost to Army.  In
THEIR last game, the Nebraska Cornhuskers ALMOST lost to
Pittsburgh.  This week, I ALMOST picked Nebraska to win an upset
victory at home in Lincoln.  Then, I sobered up.  Look for things to
get a little hotter on embattled NU coach Bill Callahan this
Saturday as the home Huskers lose.  After several close calls,
Nebraska finally shakes hands with defeat as Iowa State wins by 3.

Minnesota at Penn State
I've heard folks whispering that "Penn State is back".  Penn State
football and their venerable coach Joe Paterno are back.  And in a
twisted way, I agree.  They're about to be right back where they've
been over the last couple of years.  Racking up their first
conference loss at home, Happy Valley faces a Golden Gopher
infestation on Saturday.  Minnesota uses their ground game to dig
out a 6 point Big Ten win at State College.

Clemson at Wake Forest
I read in the local newspaper that four of Clemson's last fifteen
games have gone into overtime.  Now prior to 2005, that was a good
thing, as the Tigers had been on an overtime victory roll.  However,
extra time this year has meant extra misery for Clemson and its
fans.  Look for Clemson's Groundhog Day season to take a change in
direction Saturday.  Going on the road for the first time, I see the
Tigers getting it done ON time THIS time.  Clemson by 7.

Arizona at California
Gas prices are high everywhere.  But my trusted sources in
California say that they're higher in the Golden State than just
about anywhere else, save maybe Iceland.  I've heard that corporate
lawyers have started riding the bus to work.  Jeez Louise.  In light
of that disturbing news, I'd suggest that Arizona stick with
their "red state" philosophy and political leader.  President Bush
says that we should cut out any "unnecessary travel" to save fuel.
I'd say that going up to Berkeley to get clobbered is pretty
unnecessary.  Cal by 16.

Kansas at Texas Tech
I really can't wait until Texas Tech lines up against a reasonably
good team.  What the Red Raiders have been doing to the collection
of losers on their early-season schedule is nothing more than
bullying 101.  I have to admit that I'm kind of looking forward to
seeing someone stick it to Tech one of these days.  But, on a more
sinister note, I'm also kind of enjoying the view as the Red Raiders
mercilessly crush their September victims, one sorry team after
another.  Enter October and yet another helpless victim.  Texas Tech
by 24.

South Carolina at Auburn
Steve Spurrier's return to the SEC has given him the chance to hook
up with a lot of old friends.  And, we all know that good old Steve
was all about making friends back when he coached at Florida.  (Even
MORE sarcasm!  Can you believe it, a Prophet issue featuring
sarcasm...I know, I know, THAT'S sarcasm, too) This weekend, Steve-O
takes his Gamecocks down to Auburn, a friendly little town that just
LOVES Steve, for a conference tilt.  As for South Carolina, they
have to use a new QB, due to an injury suffered by starter Blake
Mitchell.  The new guy is more of a "running" QB, per the ol' ball
coach.  That's probably a good thing, because running for his life
is what he'll be doing Saturday in Jordan-Hare.  Look for this to be
another "welcome home" party for Spurrier, courtesy of Tommy
Tuberville and the hometown Tigers.  Auburn by 16.

Kansas State at Oklahoma
I was listening to some old Elvis tunes on my iPod today.  (Note to
the world at large...I LOVE my iPod, and I highly recommend that
everyone get one.  If you love someone, buy them an iPod for
Christmas  :)   Anyway, that tune "Now or Never" came on the
shuffle.  And, it's a perfect song to sum up this contest.  It's now
or never, perhaps for both teams.  KSU had NOW better win against a
name team or they'll NEVER move up in the polls.  Oklahoma had NOW
better win a big game or they'll NEVER be playing football come New
Year's Day.  Look for the Sooners to quit playing football sooner
than usual this year.  Kansas State by 1.

South Florida at Miami
Let's talk about the Louisville Cardinals, rather than Miami or USF,
at least for a bit.  Last season, Louisville gave Miami more than
they wanted, eventually losing a close game in the Orange Bowl.
Let's just say that Louisville GOT Miami's attention for the
foreseeable future.  And last weekend, Louisville flapped into an
ambush at USF, with the Bulls mauling the Cards in shocking
fashion.  So, given Miami's continued knowledge of and respect for
Louisville, let's just say that USF has lost any element of surprise
on Saturday.  When the Bulls go into the arena in Dade County,
they'll face a focused bunch of Matadors from Miami.  Look for the
end result to be the same in the Orange Bowl as it is any weekend in
Spain.  Look for the Toros to get torpedoed by the Hurricanes, call
it Miami by 17.

Washington at UCLA
There's so much I can't figure out about both Washington and UCLA.
I can't figure out why the Huskies hired Tyrone Willingham.  If he
wasn't winning consistently at Notre Dame, what's to say he'll do so
in Seattle.  As for UCLA, I still can't figure out how they so
thoroughly demolished Oklahoma.  The win wasn't too surprising, it's
just how EASILY it was accomplished.  Has UCLA suddenly become a
decent team?  A friend of mine keeps telling me that the Bruins will
beat USC this year.  But until my friend gets out of our local
insane asylum, I'm not taking any Prophet advice from him.  I can
make my own silly mistakes, thank you.  And although I love picking
upsets, I'll tell you that I've decided Washington is definitely NOT
a team worth sticking one's neck out for.  Look for things to
uncharacteristically go as planned Saturday in Pasadena.  UCLA by 10.

BYU at San Diego State
I continued my season long rag-job on BYU last weekend by
questioning the manhood of their fraternities.  Well, guess what?
They don't HAVE fraternities at BYU.  I guess I'll just have to
question the manhood of the school from now on.  :)  Seriously, I
was informed that BYU has "clubs" instead of frats, and I was
supplied with an extensive list of said clubs.  Some of them were,
in my opinion, code words for other activities.  For example,
the "Peruvian Club" sounds more like a "la casa de crack cocaine"
than any social group.  But no matter, let's move on to this
weekend's game.  Whereas BYU has no fraternities, San Diego State IS
a fraternity.  That's what the whole school is all about...party,
party, party.  In California, kids with higher SATs consider SDSU to
be the equivalent of juvenile detention.  That being said, imagine
how embarrassing it'll be for these Aztec party grunts to lose to a
bunch of clean living nerds.  Harsh, dude.  BYU by 6.

Notre Dame at Purdue
Last Saturday brought a tough loss to Joe Tiller's Purdue
Boilermakers.  PU felt that their conference schedule, which does
NOT include Michigan or Ohio State, was a fast track to a Big Ten
title.  Who knew that Minnesota would offer an early stumbling
block?  And now, previously unfeared Michigan State looks suddenly
lethal.  Oh well, the Boilermakers have a lot of soul searching to
do with regard to their conference position.  On this weekend, none
of that matters as independent Notre Dame comes calling in West
Lafayette.  Collective wisdom in college football holds Purdue in
high regard.  And given their recent success against the Irish, it
seems that Saturday should bring a big win for old PU.  But
something tells me that Purdue PurDON'T know the dangers that await
them on Saturday.  This Charley Weis guy knows a thing or two about
coaching a football team, and I have a feeling that the luck of the
Irish might be about to return in West Lafayette.  In an upset,
Notre Dame by 2.

Virginia Tech at West Virginia
Who was it that first said that "those who fail to learn from
history are doomed to repeat it"?  Maybe it was someone at FEMA.
But for this game, it's pertinent.  A couple of years ago, Virginia
Tech cruised into the game against West Virginia undefeated and
riding high.  When it was over, the Mountaineers had gelded the
Hokies, sending Beamer Ball crashing into a five loss season.  Now,
I doubt there are many helmeted scholars out there studying any kind
of history.  However, from an academic standpoint, I do believe that
what VaTech will do to West Virginia on Saturday should make the
dissection lab professors sit up and take notice.  Hokies by 12.

Michigan at Michigan State
There are few college football prognosticators who've remained
unscathed while picking Michigan State games.  The Spartans are
notorious for being inconsistent. They'll post a huge win, and then
fall flat on their collective faces.  THIS game scares the living
bullstew out of me, folks.  On the surface, it's a slam-dunk that
would make the Spartan basketball Coach Tom Rizzo envious.  You see,
Michigan pretty much stinks...at least from a national power
standpoint.  Let's just say that if Michigan were an airline, they'd
be a regional carrier.  No national presence.  There's really no
good reason, other than the rivalry bit, to pick the Wolverines for
an upset.  So why am I so nervous?  Past history, man...I've been
diddled by Michigan State so often that I feel like I should be
buying them a ring.  My pick?  Spartans by 7 at home.  I just hope
that Prilosec is on sale at the pharmacy this weekend.

USC at Arizona State
There is a sizeable cadre of football experts who believe that USC
will "not come through the Pac Ten slate unscathed".  The Pac Ten,
the mighty Pac Ten.  OK, the Pac Ten is like this...  USC in
position one.  Cal, UCLA, Arizona State and Oregon are in position
5.  And everyone else is tied for last.  People who are making noise
about ASU maybe upsetting the Trojans are just hoping out loud.
Hope springs eternal, right?  Well, far be it from me to rain on
anyone's parade.  Sure, we may someday find a trillion gallons of
oil under Switzerland, right?  But, it ain't bloody likely. USC by
17.

Florida at Alabama
There is zero doubt in my mind that Florida is a better football
team than Alabama.  They're faster. They're deeper.  The have a
better quarterback and offense.  Their defense is quicker.  We know
they've got a more innovative coach.  So, this is an easy pick.  But
with a tip of my Prophet cap to my FSU brother Lee Corso, "not so
fast, my friend".  Someone up in Tuscaloosa has started reading and
doing research on recent Crimson Tide football.  It has been
determined and widely spoken of that Alabama is 0-5 against top ten
opponents at home in Bryant-Denny Stadium under Mike Shula.  That's
the sort of little truth tidbit that will get under the collective
skins of Alabama's players and fans.  Like a burr under the old
saddle, they'll let this little wound of truth rub and fester until
it really becomes a problem.  And when it becomes a problem, it'll
be Urban Meyer's problem, perhaps his first big problem at Florida.
Walking into a pachyderm stampede is never a good idea, and the
Gators may find themselves supplying skins for a WalMart suitcase
factory up in northern Alabama before this tilt is done.  In an
upset, Crimson Tide by 6.

OK, that's it for this week, folks.  Let's see if we can have
another good week on the football field AND at the weather
bureau.  :)

< <  ============================================   > >

THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© 2005 P.Chamlis/
The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved

< <  ============================================   > >
Games of September 22 – 24, 2005

Well, I had another rough week.  But considering some of the
weirdness going on in college football, I should be happy with my 47
out of 61 record (77%) so far.

I'm in the mood to send out roses today, so let's give special
bouquets to the following...

Florida, for making me look good in the face of lots of pre-game
Tennessee smack after I published last week's edition.

Alabama who, in spite of beating me in Prophet, made fools of Steve
Spurrier in front of his new flock in Columbia.  Bad for Steve
usually equals good for Prophet.  :)

And, let's send a dozen red ones to the love of my life, good old
Florida State.  They somehow found a way to win up in Boston in
spite of another statistically disastrous offensive game.

All right, let's see what foolishness we can dig up for this week!

= = = = = = = = = = =

Thursday, September 22
Air Force at Utah
Much to the Prophet's chagrin, the Utes let schizophrenic TCU snap
the nation's second-longest Division 1 winning streak last week in
Fort Worth.  Oh well, no use crying over spilled milk, I suppose.
It's just time to start another streak.  Step one would be to beat
the Falcons from the USAFA, who've been on a bit of a losing streak
themselves.  So that means that old streaks continue and new streaks
begin Thursday in SLC.  Utah by 7.

Louisiana Monroe at Florida Atlantic
Here's a game between two schools affected by Hurricane Katrina.
The evil K-storm brushed the campus of FAU on its way across the
Florida peninsula.  And of course, we all know what happened in
Louisiana.  So, while the game's being played, I'd suspect these
players and coaches may compare a few hurricane notes amongst
themselves.   FWIW, tipsy FAU coach Howard Schnellenberger prefers
HIS hurricanes with two straws and a paper umbrella.   Florida
Atlantic by 3.

Friday, September 23
Iowa State at Army
More storm talk, folks...  Two weeks ago, the Cyclones of Iowa State
blew the mighty Hawkeyes of Iowa from a lofty national perch with an
upset drubbing in Ames.  This week will offer another opportunity to
slap an opponent.  However, the `Clones won't have to climb any
pedestals to get to the gridiron-deficient Black Knights.  The let-
down opportunity exists, especially with crafty old Coach Bobby Ross
prowling the Academy sideline.  But, I just don't see it happening,
folks.  Iowa State by 10.

California at New Mexico State
I was watching some Cal Bear highlights on TV last weekend, and one
of the shows said something about a running back who came from "a
tough part of the Bay Area".  I laughed a bit, trying to decide what
would be considered a "tough" area in mellow NoCal.  It's probably
some place that only has one brand of mineral water in the
convenience stores.  Speaking of water, Cal had best bring a bunch
on this trip to arid Las Cruces.  Aggie coach Hal Mumme will
eventually get things moving at NMSU, hopefully without the NCAA
fallout that got him canned in Kentucky.  But on Friday night, look
for the Bears and their tough-neighborhood running back to do the
roaring.  California by 16.

Saturday, September 24
Iowa at Ohio State
Only two weeks ago, Ohio State and Iowa were on top of college
football world.  Both clubs were highly rated, dreaming about the
BCS and harboring national title thoughts.  Enter Texas and Iowa
State, and voila...two once-beaten teams.  If not for the conference
race implications, I'd say the loser of this game gets a head start
on basketball season.  Then again, not too many future Big Ten
champs have two defeats before the end of September, conference or
not.  Ohio State by 4.

Purdue at Minnesota
The Golden Gophers have quietly been racking up wins in the early
season.  Sure, they've yet to play a team with a pulse, but
still...they've looked good.  PU's Boilermakers are chugging towards
the top ten elite, and figure that they'll be a major factor in the
Big Ten race this year.  But, for some reason, I smell an upset in
the Humpty Dumpty Dome come Saturday.  It's not that I REALLY
believe Minnesota is THAT good.  I suppose it's more a case of
doubting Purdue.  Going underground for an upset, call it Go-Go
Gophers by 2.

Colorado at Miami
If you're the type of person who misses Mike Tyson fights, you might
want to tune in to this one.  Several years ago, UM and CU had a
huge brouhaha before a contest in Boulder.  And two years ago, I
witnessed a nasty little confrontation between Colorado and my FSU
Seminoles here in Tallahassee.  And Miami players getting into an on-
field fight is as common as Comcast showing up late to install your
new cable box.  Bottom line is that these are two teams that like to
mix it up.  So, get a few beers and tune in for the fight.  Let's
call in Miami by TKO.  Hurricanes by 21.

Michigan State at Illinois
I read where the NCAA has now made a big and blustery announcement
about how, starting in 2006, that bowl games cannot have "Indian
mascot and offensive native American practice and emblems" present.
HOWEVER, most teams that were originally covered by the NCAA's
quixotic charge into political correctness have since appealed and
won.  In Division 1-A, only Illinois remains on the poop list.  And
I figure the Illini will eventually figure a way to keep their name
as well.  It's as inevitable as a French surrender.  As for this
game, I like the Spartans.  However, I'd feel better if Ron Zook
could convince the Fighting Illini to change their nickname to "The
Fighting Irish".  That seems to bring out the best in Michigan
State.  MSU by 11.

Troy at South Carolina
After last weekend's dismal loss to Alabama, Coach Steve Spurrier
agreed with the Columbia fans who chose to boo his Gamecocks.  And,
Stevie has said that he plans to really shake up his lineup on
Saturday, giving all sorts of different players an opportunity to
play, citing a lack of effort on the part of his team.  It's all
part of the motivation process.  And, it works...people are already
being motivated to hate Spurrier as vehemently as they did during
his years at Florida.  South Carolina, regardless of which 22 guys
play, by 14.

North Carolina at N.C. State
The annual battle for football supremacy in North Carolina features
two head coaches who are absolute opposites.  Chuck Amato of NC
State is flashy, emotional and possesses "star quality".  If he
didn't sound like Minnie Mouse, he could have been an Italian movie
star.  John Bunting of UNC is Mr. Average.  He's a football coach,
plain and simple.  Block and tackle.  If this guy were a can of
corn, he'd be the store brand.  And, you'd never catch him dead in a
pair of those freaky sunglasses that NC State head man Amato always
wears.  Then again, after his Heels succumb in Raleigh, John might
appreciate the anonymity a good pair of shades would offer.
Wolfpack by 10.

Boston College at Clemson
The 2005 season is starting to seem like Thanksgiving Dinner for
Clemson Coach Tommy Bowden.  It's not that he's eating up turkey or
anything, it's just that he keeps getting his daddy's leftovers.
Last weekend, Clemson hosted a pissed off bunch of Miami Hurricanes,
still smarting over a loss to Pa Bowden's club.  And this week's
Tiger opponent just got finished losing to, you guessed it, Tommy's
dad.  Clemson fans COULD hope that Dad is softening up folks for
Tommy, but the opposite appears to be happening.  Bobby's
gettin' `em mad just in time for the Tigers.  Boston College by 3.

East Carolina at West Virginia
A lot of folks are hoping that new Pirate coach Skip Holtz proves
that "you CAN win at East Carolina".  Well, we'll see...  So far,
all that Skipper's proved is that he couldn't hold a job at South
Carolina, even with his dad being head coach.  (Note to Jeff
Bowden...not every father is as forgiving as yours, son.  Be sure to
get Bobby something nice for Christmas.)  Look for Rich Rodriguez
and his Mountain men to throw ECU overboard in Morganton this
Saturday.  West Virginia by 9.

TCU at BYU
The folks in Provo were very, very happy last week, as they
celebrated TCU's victory over rival Utah.  But as soon as that upset
was done, the BYU frat houses went to work taking down their Horned
Frog bunting and such.  Speaking of frat houses, I have a hard time
imagining frat houses at BYU.  I'll bet there are Cub Scout troops
that do more partying.  Look for Bronco Mendenhall's party to end
early on Saturday as Gary Patterson and the formerly-popular-in-
Provo Horny Toads clip the Cougars.  TCU by 7.

Florida at Kentucky
Well as Prophet predicted, Urbie Meyer won his first big game at
Florida.  The Tennessee game last weekend went pretty much as I'd
expected, although there were fewer points all around than I
guessed.  Urbie made some comment about "defining moments" last
weekend, and I took him to task for failing to recognize one.  THIS
game COULD be a defining moment.  Losing on the road to a conference
bottom-feeder isn't looked upon kindly in Gainesville.  I wonder if
Ron Zook remembers a trip to Starkville, Mississippi last year.
But, Florida keeps winning.  It might be closer than you'd expect,
call it Gators by 12.

Notre Dame at Washington
Well considering the overtones involved in Notre Dame's visit to
play a team coached by their recently fired coach Ty Willingham, I
honestly don't know what expect on Saturday.  One thing's for
sure...nobody on THIS field knows how to beat Michigan State.
Fighting Irish by 14.

Arkansas at Alabama
I have to give Mike Shula credit for last weekend's win at South
Carolina.  I don't think little Shula is that great of a coach, but
he sure recognized that the Gamecocks had no idea how to stop a
running game.  As for Mikey's abilities to recognize, I gotta take
issue with his quote for this game.  He called Arkansas "the best
team we've played this year".  Now, while that MAY be true (and ha
ha to Steve Spurrier if it is...), let's just remember that the
Razorbacks (a) lost to Vanderbilt a couple of weeks ago, and then
succumbed to Southern California by 53 points last Saturday.  Not
exactly top ten material, I'd say.  Perhaps Coach Mike was confused
and thought this week's game was against Florida.  That's next week,
coach.  This week brings another reasonably easy win.  Or, more
correctly, it BETTER be another reasonably easy win, considering the
competition.  Alabama by 14.

USC at Oregon
Although it was a close contest, I was still impressed with Oregon's
win last Saturday.  Fresno State is a dangerous team, especially
early in the year.  Pulling out such a gut win, especially with USC
on the horizon, is manly stuff indeed.  But in retrospect, it might
have been a better plan to tank against FSU West.  NOW, Oregon's
given Pete Carroll enough credibility to suggest a bit of danger to
his Trojans.  And, that's all it'll take to insure no upset occurs.
USC by 24.

Tulane at SMU
Right after Hurricane Katrina hit Louisiana, the Tulane football
program moved to and trained at SMU's Dallas facilities.  This
weekend, we'll learn if the Wave was smart enough to pilfer through
the Mustang playbook.  Checking over the average SAT scores at
Tulane, it looks like they've got pretty high academic standards.
Let's assume a few Greenies did that James Bond thing in Big-D.
Tulane by 2.

Arizona State at Oregon State
Last weekend, Oregon State really got the crap kicked out of them
against Louisville.  And if this game were being played down in
Tempe, I'd say that ASU would remove any remaining crap from the
Beaver team in short order.  But, like a carsick kid, the Devils
don't seem to travel well.  So, look for this one to maybe be closer
than you'd expect.  Arizona State by 7.

Georgia Tech at Virginia Tech
Georgia Tech has a very serious problem this Saturday, and it
started over a week ago.  Wunderkind quarterback Reggie Ball has
just gotten over viral meningitis (VM).  Going into a contest
against high-flying VaTech, Yellowjacket coach Chan Gailey didn't
expect another problem with the letters "V" and "M", but by God
there it is, a pestilence called Marcus Vick.  Look for MV and the
after-effects of VM to result in a continued period of convalescence
for Reggie Ball and company.  Hokies by 14.

Michigan at Wisconsin
Before the season started, both Wisconsin and Michigan were highly-
regarded.  But IMHO, both teams have been outed as "paper tigers".
The Wolverines looked pitiful in losing (once again) to Notre Dame.
And even though they won, Wisconsin was the very picture of
mediocrity in the contest against North Carolina.  Even though the
Badgers remained undefeated, they failed to impress the pollsters.
So, this early conference tilt is for national survival.  Look for
the hometown advantage in Madison to make the difference.  Losing
for the second time in September, Michigan falls to Barry Alvarez
and Wisconsin.  Call it by 4.

Tennessee at LSU
Two games into the season, and I'm pretty much convinced that
Tennessee is a fraud.  I'm staring at an Athlon magazine right now
that predicted Tennessee would finish second in the country.  How
would you like to be the nitwit who penned that atrocity?  In two
games, Phul Fillmer and company have posted a close win over UAB and
a punchless visit to Florida.  And now, they travel to Baton Rouge
to face LSU in what will be an emotional Tiger Stadium opener for
2005.  Folks in Louisiana know a thing or two about "knockout
punches", thanks to Hurricane Katrina.  Look for the eye of this
Saturday Tiger storm to wash away any big hopes Tennessee had for
this season.  Bayou Bengals by 7.

< <  ============================================   > >

THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© 2005 P.Chamlis/
The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved

< <  ============================================   > >

Well, I'm a bit late in writing Prophet this week, folks.  You see,
I have a terrible cold.  I'm usually not a medicine guy, but I
finally went to my local supermarket and bought some OTC cold
medication.  And, seeing as how I bought two different formulae,
both of which contain pseudoephedrine, I was followed home and
searched by half of the Tallahassee Police Department.  What the
hell IS crystal meth, anyway?

Oh well, I may not be able to turn a profit with cold capsules, but
hopefully I can turn out another acceptable and fun issue of Prophet
for you, my loyal subjects.

As for the picking record so far, I have 34 correct out of 43 picks,
which equals 79%.

One last little note, especially for that guy who called
me "Godless" last week.   YOU, sir, are mistaken.  I KNOW that God
exists.   What world without divine guidance could have the holy
combination of high definition television and Saturday night ESPN?
Praise the Lord and pass the satellite clicker.

========================================================

Thursday, September 15
Utah at TCU
When the Utes travel to Fort Worth this Thursday evening, who really
knows who'll be waiting on the opposite sideline?  Will it be the
hardscrabble TCU bunch that stunned Oklahoma on opening day?  Or,
will it be the large sack of dead frogs left on the doorstep during
last Week's to SMU?  OK, I'm not sure.  But, I'm of the opinion that
Utah can beat EITHER team.  It'll either be Utah by 2 over the good
TCU or Utah by 14 over the bad TCU.  Figure THAT one out, gambler
friends.

Friday, September 16
Houston at UTEP
I have to admit that I'm cheered by Mike Price's success at El
Paso.  Sure, sure, we all piled on Mike after his little strip bar
escapade got him fired from Alabama a couple of years ago.  But,
he's not the first guy who ever got drunk and hung out with
hookers.  However, he IS the first guy who's made the UTEP Miners
any kind of football team in quite a while.  Sending the Houston
fans screaming to the Juarez bars, let's call this one UTEP by 10.

Saturday, September 17
Oregon State at Louisville
Over the last few years, Louisville has quietly built their football
program into one of the nation's best.  It used to be that the
Cardinals were one of those teams who'd sneak up on an unsuspecting
biggie, springing a cataclysmic upset.  The challenge in L'ullville
now is to adjust to favorite status.  The Birds move from hunter to
hunted.  And, they'll find that the role can be most uncomfortable
at times.  I don't see the Beaver battalion providing any rest for
UL on Saturday, and the fans won't get their expected weekly
blowout.  The Cardinal crowd should be happy with "just a" win,
which they'll get...barely.  Louisville by 3.

Virginia at Syracuse
Both Virginia and Syracuse have found themselves in similar
conference situations over the past few years.  They've been good
teams, certainly among the better in the ACC and Big East.  BUT,
they just haven't found themselves settling in AT the top.  Fans in
Charlottesville and Syracuse are ready to take the next step.
Making said move would SEEM to be easier for the Orangemen, as their
conference has, at least in my opinion, become weaker in the last
couple of years.  Virginia, on the other hand, now has three or four
more hurdles to cross on their way to the top of the ACC.  But
speaking of steps, let's say that while Syracuse considers their
next Big East step(s), Virginia will be stepping ON the Orangemen
this Saturday.  Call it Wahoos by 6.

West Virginia at Maryland
It's hillbilly invasion time on Saturday as the Mountaineers from
Morganton invade College Park.  I thought about making my
usual "squeal like a pig" jokes regarding rotund Terp Coach Ralph
Friedgen.  But, damn...even the WVU folks have some standards.
Ralph. Ralph. Ralph.  The only thing you need more than consistent
offensive play is a date with Jenny Craig.  Mountaineers by 6.

San Diego State at Ohio State
You just HAVE to figure the Buckeyes of OSU for a huge let-down this
Saturday.  The scarlet and gray played their hearts out in a tough
loss last weekend to Texas.  San Diego State, while offering the
chance for blow-out redemption, just doesn't seem to merit getting
all worked up over.  So, look for Ohio State to return to victory
lane with a sloppy and uninspired 17 point win.

Michigan State at Notre Dame
OK, OK.  I'm beginning to believe I've underestimated the Irish.
Opening wins over Pittsburgh and Michigan on the road indicate the
Domers might be a little better than mediocre.  But, what annoys the
hell out of me is all the gushing and hyperventilation out of the
national sports media over ND's 2005 success.  So, Charlie Weis is
the first NEW ND coach since Knute Rockne to go 2-0 in his first
season, with both games coming on the road.  Well SO WHAT.  Just for
the record, how many NEW ND coaches have even opened up with their
first two games on the road?  Charlie's done well, but folks need to
stay focused in South Bend.  An upset loss on Saturday will make
Charlie look a lot more like Gerry Faust that the Gipper.  But no
worries...I'm sold on the Irish, at least for this Saturday.  Notre
Dame by 7.

Miami at Clemson
The Hurricanes and Tigers have both had 2005 seasons defined by last
minute success or failure.  In Clemson's case, two closing drives
have resulted in a quick 2-0 start on the new campaign.  Miami,
OTOH, wrote a new chapter in how NOT to play special teams, losing
their Labor Day tilt at Florida State.  So, I look for both coaches
in this game to focus on getting things right EARLY.  Clemson is
playing with a lot of confidence, and the crowds at Death Valley can
be muy intimidating.  However, the Tigers have two major stones
around their neck on Saturday evening.  First of all, there's the
little matter of their upset OT win AT Miami last year.  The `Canes
have a long memory and a penchant for exacting revenge.  And second,
there's the matter of the CU coach having the surname Bowden.  Since
Clemson boss Tommy Bowden is the son of FSU head guy Bobby, Clemson
finds themselves with a bit of a Jesus complex this Saturday as they
pay for someone else's sins.  Miami by 10.

Oklahoma at UCLA
I was shocked to learn that OU...mighty Oklahoma...will be the
underdog in this contest.  In a season that Bob Stoopes hoped would
have two stops in Pasadena, the Sooner offense has been AWOL.  Star
OU running back Adrian Peterson has been the only bright spot on the
offensive side of the Sooner line, and he's in trouble back in
Norman for skipping class.  It seems that he's been suspended from a
few practice sessions.  And, I'll bet he won't START in Saturday's
contest.  But unless Adrian actually kills someone between now and
kickoff, I'd expect to see his smiling face in the backfield by play
number two.   Now, as I move on to picking this game, let me say
this...  Oklahoma may be the underdog, but UCLA's entire history
smacks of underdogism.  The Bruins wrote the book on playing second
fiddle.  They'll fiddle around again on Saturday, letting the chance
for a big upset fade into the California fog.  Oklahoma, in an upset
(ha ha), by 3.

Pittsburgh at Nebraska
This contest features two of America's least-loved head coaches.
Bill Callahan of Nebraska, architect of last year's 60 point loss at
Texas Tech, has continued to put his lackluster Huskers through
their paces into 2005.  Unimpressive wins over Wake Forest and Maine
are hardly the stuff to return Big Red to glory anytime soon.  And
over at Pittsburgh, Panther savior Dave Wannstedt has lost two games
that fans truly expected him to win.  Doesn't it seem like ages ago
that Pitt was a highly-rated football team?  It was two weeks ago,
folks.  When THIS game appeared on the schedule, both fan legions
figured it to be a big contest.  I'll be that Coach Dave and Coach
Bill had NO idea HOW big it was going to be.  When the final whistle
sounds, NU will stay unbeaten with a 14 point win.  And, Dave
Wannstedt will be 0-3 and headed back to see the happy people in the
Steel City.  But, like they say in those stupid Geico
commercials...there's some good news.  Pitt's still undefeated in
conference play.  I'm sure that'll soothe the folks in Pittsburgh.

Alabama at South Carolina
Well, last Saturday the "old ball coach" showed that he can still
inspire and coach a college football team.  The Gamecocks battled
heavily-favored Georgia all evening, finally succumbing by the
slimmest of margins.  Let me set the scene for this Saturday's
game.  Alabama has slightly better athletes and a bit more depth.
South Carolina counters with a rabid home crowd and a determined and
hungry group of starters.  That brings us to coaching.  Mike Shula
versus Steve Spurrier.  I know a lot of Alabama fans who feel a
little bit sick when they read that sentence.  South Carolina by 6.

Illinois at California
OK, I kind of blew it last week, folks.  One of my better picks was
for Cal to be upset AT Washington.  I knew that (one of) Cal's
quarterbacks had broken his leg in the opener, and I attempted to
parlay that knowledge into a sneaky pick.  But, what I failed to
realize was that Cal's BEST quarterback was as healthy as a horse.
San Rafael native Joseph Ayoob cut the Huskies to ribbons, and could
be poised to do the same to the visiting Illini this Saturday.  Now,
I realize that Joseph's fellow Marin County residents are among the
most liberal in the nation.  The appearance, in the Bay Area, of the
Fighting Illini, is bound to bring out the nutso anti-native-
American-defamation fringe to protest.  But, the truth is that the
only group of people abusing Indians in Berkeley this Saturday will
be the hometown Bears.  Cal by 10.

Fresno State at Oregon
A lot of the Fresneck State fans are terribly excited about the
opportunity coming later in their year.  Top-ranked USC will be
lining up against the Bulldogs mid-season, in a game that some feel
might be the Trojans' biggest challenge.  We'll drink and think
about all of that later.  But, I'd like to point out that USC is not
the only PAC-10 team risking a round with FSU West.  Something tells
me that, noisy Oregon fans or not, Fresno State will bag themselves
a few Ducks this Saturday.  In an upset, call it Fresneck State by 4.

Wisconsin at North Carolina
The Badgers from Dairyland have gone through their first two
opponents like a hot knife through Wisconsin butter.  And since this
weekend's opponent (North Carolina) does appear to have a little
more ability to stand up to Wisconsin's kitchen heat,  the early
season recipe for blowouts might have to be amended.  Let's call
this one as another Wisconsin win, but it'll be a milder variety.
Badgers by 12.

New Mexico State at New Mexico
I normally would have passed on picking this game.  But a friend has
asked me to pick more contests that involve WAC, Mountain West and
Pac Ten games.  So, I'll just make a simple pick and statement...
New Mexico's Lobos will howl Saturday with a 12 point home victory.
And as for the statement...  New Mexico is a beautiful state.  I
love visiting but could never live anywhere that it's so damned
hot.  (...said the man who lives in a place where it's 91 degrees
and 91% humidity at sunset...)

Arkansas at USC
A lot of people think that top-rated USC's trip to Hawaii two weeks
ago was just fun and games.  But, that's where you're ALL wrong.
Pom Pom Pete Carroll is as much a teacher as he is a coach.  He's a
football professor who carefully researches all aspects of the
game.  He took the opportunity, on his island visit of a fortnight
ago, to dig up some new techniques for roasting pigs.  Hawaii may
not be much of a football state, but they sure know how to tenderize
pork in a hurry.  Look for the Trojans to throw an LA luau when the
Arkansas Razorbacks snort onto the Coliseum menu.  Southern Cal by
16.

Florida State at Boston College
A lot of people around Tallahassee are making a big deal out of the
Boston College team bulk.  It seems as though the Eagle's O-Line
outweighs the Seminole front four by an average of 35 pounds a
man.   Nervous FSU people are taking faith in the old "David and
Goliath" story, looking for their boys to stand up to the Yankee
giants.  But, the fact is that FSU is no David.  The biblical
pugilist had WAY more offensive firepower than the Seminoles.  But
all is not lost for my good guys.  :)   Speed kills.  Boston College
will find that they can't squash what they can't catch.  And on
Saturday, BC won't squash FSU enough times to catch a win in their
first ACC contest.  In an upset, Florida State by 6.

Tennessee at Florida
"He ain't from around here, is he?"  That's something you'll hear
southerners say, when they detect that an unknown person is from
somewhere beyond old Dixie.  Well, Florida coach Urban Meyer said,
in advance of this week's Tennessee game, "it's a big game, but it's
not a defining moment."  Urban, Urban, Urbie...  Oh son, you got it
ALL wrong.  This ain't Utah, boy.  When was the last time you ever
heard of the Mountain West Conference reassigning a referee from a
game because of DEATH threats?  When you'd occasionally lose a game
at Bowling Green or Utah, people'd say "oh well" and just move on.
It ain't that way down here.  Folks in Gainesville give a rip about
the Tennessee game, Urban.  As for Saturday, Coach Meyer will
unknowingly escape his quoted faux pas, as his Gators dig out a 5
point home victory.  But Urban...there ARE a few teams on that UF
schedule that are defining moments, sir.  Every damned season.  You
ain't from around here, are you?

==========================================================

See you all next week !

< <  ============================================   > >

THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© 2005 P.Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh,
  All Rights Reserved

< <  ============================================   > >

OK, I'm off to a pretty good start.  In week one, Prophet went 19/24
(79%)  My official crap-listed teams for last week are (a) Wake
Forest and (b) Rutgers.  Both teams stormed from ahead to lose last-
minute heartbreakers to opponents of questionable merit.  Nice work,
bozos.  :)   A bonus award goes to Pittsburgh for their impression
of the French Army during the Notre Dame visit.   Also, we can't go
without a tip of the cap to the Miami special teams...outstanding
work on those field goals, men.  And Devin Hester just might be the
best punt returner in college football.  If he'll ever actually
catch the ball, maybe we can see for sure.  <vbg>

OK, let's work on this week's games...

Thursday, September 8
Oklahoma State at Florida Atlantic
OSU figured an early trip to Florida would get their season off to
an enjoyable and successful start.  But, they must not have a school
of meteorology at Okie State University.  Read my lips, guys...
September is the middle of HURRICANE season in Florida.  Oklahoma
State, meet Ophelia, presently a tropical storm hanging right off
Florida's Atlantic coast.   Have you ever seen a cowboy with a golf
umbrella?   Oklahoma State by 12.

Friday, September 9
Pittsburgh at Ohio
Well, the people of Pittsburgh learned something last Saturday night
that NFL fans in both Miami and Chicago already know.  Dave
Wannstedt is no great catch as a head coach.  His clearly-superior-
on-paper Panthers were neutered in a hurry by the much-more-clever
Charlie Weis and his Fighting Irish.  This week brings the first
roadie for Pitt in 2005, and they find themselves lined up against a
coach whose ability has also been questioned in the past.  Now,
you'd figure that if Frank Solich couldn't win consistently at
Nebraska, he'd be hard-pressed to "get `er done" at Ohio U.  The
Boobcats are clearly overmatched, personnel-wise, in this Friday
night tilt.  But if anyone can underachieve enough to make this
close, it's Dave Wannstedt.  Panthers by 7.

Saturday, September 10
Mississippi State at Auburn
Last weekend, Auburn had virtually NO OFFENSE in their loss to
Georgia Tech.  And over in Starkville, Mississippi State had
essentially NO OPPONENT as they gobbled up Murray State.  Those
situations are going to reverse this Saturday.  Auburn by 14.

San Jose State at Illinois
Well well well.  It looks like the Zookerman has started a mania up
at Illinois.  Early in last week's fourth quarter, Rappin' Ron
looked headed to an embarrassing defeat to Rutgers, in front of the
home folks no less.  And then, it's as if someone discovered one
last can of whupass left over from Zook's days down at UF, and
BAM... down goes Rutgers.  The stakes are higher this week in
Champaign, and it's not because the visiting Spartans have anything
more on the ball than last week's foe.  You see, expectations have
been raised at Illinois, based on last week's fourth quarter
flurry.  If the Illini choose smoke the peace pipe instead of doing
a war dance (deliberate Indian reference done entirely to thumb my
nose at the NCAA morons...), things could get ugly in week two.  Put
simply, the home crowd is in a winning mood, and Illinois isn't yet
a winning team.  Factor in San Jose having a veteran and talented
coach (Dick Tomey) and you could have trouble.  Thank God most of
SJSU's players were second-stringers in high school.  And on top of
that, most of them come from a state and city where pep bands have
string sections.  :)  In a close one, call it Illinois by 7.

Kansas State at Marshall
I received my usual boatload of hate mail from the K-State fans last
week, when I failed to make a pick in the `Cats opener.  So I know
I'm in for the hairball treatment when they read THIS pick.  A lot
of people believe that Marshall, under the direction of first-year
coach Mark Snyder, is in a rebuilding phase.  And, I'll agree to
some extent with that statement.  However, KSU is in a similar mode
themselves, and last weekend's opening cat nap against Florida
International did little to convince me that things will go well for
the Wildcats in West Virginia on Saturday.  One thing is certain,
and you can bet your homes on it, my Propheteers.  The winning head
coach will be named Snyder.  :)  In an upset, let's say it's MARK
over BILL...  Thundering Herd by 3.

Virginia Tech at Duke
ACC re-alignment hasn't been a box of chocolates for Duke.  Sure,
the Devils have escaped into the Coastal Division, opposite constant
tormentor Florida State.  But, they've traded one colossus for two,
namely Virginia Tech and Miami.  And to make matters worse,
their "crossover" opponent in divisional play is, you guessed it,
FSU.  All of those brainy scientists in Durham must have been busy
doing research during ACC scheduling sessions, because the Blue
Devil slate looks like it was concocted by the school janitor.  Duke
resumes their role as ACC punching bag as the Hokies from Virginia
Tech come a'callin'.  VT by 28.

Clemson at Maryland
Both Clemson and Maryland secured opening day non-conference wins,
casting the "new" ACC in a glowing light.  However, nobody can
accuse either club of rushing to a decision.  Both the Terps' win at
Navy and Clemson's upset of Texas A&M (how about that Prophet???)
occurred at the very end of their respective games.  Now, beating
Navy at the last second versus beating the Aggies as time runs out
are two different things, which would suggest that Clemson is a
better team.  However, the trip up to College Park just might even
things up a bit.  If ever a game had overtime written all over it,
this would be it.  But, let's call this one a regulation win for
Tommy's Tigers.  Clemson by 3.

Tulsa at Oklahoma
Did you hear some of the talk radio shows last weekend after OU lost
to TCU?  I felt like we should start sending donations to a Norman
disaster fund.  Panic doesn't even begin to describe the Sooner
mood.  And if Stoopes' Troops lose to Tulsa this Saturday, the drug
companies can't make enough Prozac to keep civil peace in Norman
come Saturday night.  No worries, look for OU to bounce back with a
solid win.  Sooners by 16.

Army at Boston College
BC is playing the "straight arrow" portion of their schedule.  Last
weekend, they flew out to Provo, Utah to hook up with BYU, a team
and school that traditionally tops the nerd charts.  And on this
Saturday, here comes Army...a school that frowns on cheating,
dishonor and stuff like that.  The Eagles may feel as if they're in
some sort of 1940s time warp.  But, they'd best enjoy the civility
as Florida State comes to Beantown NEXT Saturday.  I am ashamed to
admit that my Noles definitely have a few players who know their
proper handcuff size.  Sigh.   But on this weekend, look for BC to
do what the Republican Guard couldn't, namely run over the US Army.
Boston College by 17.

Iowa at Iowa State
Iowa certainly opened their 2005 campaign with a bang, playing a
complete football game in only 30 minutes.  Leading 49-0 at
halftime, Hawkeye Coach Kirk Ferentz mercifully called off the
charge against overmatched and undermanned Ball State.  (For those
of you who do not know, BSU had actually suspended some 11 players
prior to the game, many of whom were starters)  This weekend, Iowa
State, sporting a complete roster, welcomes Iowa into Ames.  But
although the Cyclones are all present and accounted for, it's not
going to be enough.  Iowa appears to be the real deal and will show
it as they claim the Iowa state championship on Saturday.  Hawkeyes
by 16.

California at Washington
It looks like new Washington coach Ty Willingham has learned his
lesson.  In his last job at Notre Dame, he got himself into trouble
by getting alumni expectations too high too quickly.  An early 8-0
run in South Bend was followed by a more realistic series of games
that actually included some losses, leading to Ty's termination.
Now that he's the Head Husky, Ty has figured it out.  An opening
loss to Air Force has put the leash on any crazy thoughts about BCS
Bowls for UW.  But, while expectations have been tempered,
Willingham knows better than to crush alumni dreams.  So, me thinks
it might be about time to get the dogs barking again at Washington.
I figure that Coach is good for one big Pac Ten surprise this year.
I figure that Washington is NEVER going to be USC this year, so
lifting their collective legs on Cal would be the next-best thing.
In an upset, Washington by 1.

North Carolina at Georgia Tech
I knew Tech had a pretty decent team, but I just didn't see them
overcoming Auburn on the Plains last weekend.  But Chan's
Yellowjackets showed me something.  And this Saturday, they're gonna
show it to John Bunting and his UNC TarHeels.  And FWIW, NC has seen
all of this before.  Am I the only person in the world of college
football who is surprised that JB is still head coach in Chapel
Hill?  They must have blown all their coaching money getting Roy
Williams for the basketball team.  Georgia Tech by 12.

South Carolina at Georgia
OK, the loathsome Steve Spurrier is back in college football.  But,
it's not the same, right?  The evil genius isn't coaching the
onerous Florida Gators anymore.  He's heading up the chicken coop
over in Columbia.  So, do you reckon that makes any difference to
the folks at Georgia, or to Bulldog Coach Mark Richt?  Me neither.
Look for D. J. Shockley and company to roger the Birds without
mercy.  It's visor-slinging time again, y'all.  Georgia by 21.

Louisiana Tech at Florida
I think I already dislike Urban Meyer.  He seems to be one of those
persnickety and grating perfectionist guys who is never happy with
anything.  After Chris Leak had a pretty decent game last weekend,
breaking Steve Spurrier's 40-year old consecutive completion record
in the process, Coach U said (QUOTE) "Chris Leak has a long way to
go".  So, apparently setting records and beating a fairly decent
team by 20+ points is a "Sub-Urban" performance for Mr. Meyer.
Let's hope that the folks in Gainesville bring lots of money for the
hurricane relief buckets being carried outside of Florida Field on
Saturday.  Something tells me that the charity will be the only
kindness the visiting Louisianans find in Gainesville on Saturday.
UF by 28.

Stanford at Navy
The Middies led Maryland for 57 minutes of a 60-minute football game
last weekend, only to stumble at the very end.  And while the Terps'
escape may have been somewhat frustrating to Navy, this Saturday
offers hope for redemption.  Stanford is coming from three time
zones away, so I'd expect Navy'll have a little extra time to avoid
a last minute collapse this week.  Look for the Middies to weigh
anchor on the visiting Cardinal, Navy by 4.

The Citadel at Florida State
In a game that some say has blowout written all over it, I offer a
few disconcerting thoughts...to Seminole fans anyway.  First, the
Citadel has a new coach and this is his opening game.  His offensive
history involves the dark side of college football, which is my way
of saying he's an "option man".  There's nothing more annoying that
preparing your defense for one "option" attack per year.  And,
there's nothing like trying to play defense against an option team
when your "D" is unmotivated or perhaps "taking the night off".  I
have no reason to expect the worst, but nobody would be surprised if
the FSU defense kind of took a lighter attitude between big contests
against Miami and Boston College.  And last and most important is
the Jeff Bowden factor.  Let's just say that breaking down film of
the FSU offense shouldn't take much time.  But, an upset just isn't
in the cards.  Let's call it a very sloppy 20 point win for the
Seminoles.

Wake Forest at Nebraska
I took a pot shot at Nebraska's opponent last weekend, laughing at
the Maine Black Bears' being on the NU slate.  But as it turns out,
Callahan Ball didn't exactly batter the Bears to the degree than
anyone expected.  So the really bad news for the Lincoln crowd is
that their beloved Cornhuskers struggled mightily to win their
opener, and will be following it in game two by playing a much
better team.  The good news is that better or not, the team is only
Wake Forest.  They lost to Vanderbilt at home last weekend.  My God,
if you can't beat Vanderbilt at home, what hope do you have of
beating Nebraska in Lincoln, regardless of how long it's been since
Tom Osborne was their coach?  Nebraska by 14.

Southern Miss at Alabama
Due to the effects and devastation from Hurricane Katrina, Southern
Mississippi did not play their opening game last Saturday.  And,
after watching Alabama's sluggish win over Middle Tennessee, it
appears that the Tide didn't play much of THEIR opener, either.
Coach Mike Shula doesn't have flood waters rising in his backyard,
or neighbors toting shotguns to the Quickie Mart near his home.  But
all the same, Mike is in danger, sitting clearly on a hot seat in
Tuscaloosa.  Things need to look much, much better in 2005 or Mike's
dad (fabled Coach Don Shula) may be seeing more of his grandkids
next year.  Look for the Eagles to lose another close battle with a
rising Tide, Alabama by 3.

Arizona State at LSU
Oops, I should say LSU at Arizona State
OK, this was to be a home game for LSU.  But unless you've been in a
coma for two weeks, you know all about Hurricane Katrina.  The
scourge of the south has caused this game to be moved out TO Tempe,
home of Arizona State University.  It's been very touching to see
how most of America has opened their hearts to evacuees from the
deep south.  But on Saturday, the folks in Arizona are going to
realize that they've made a poor choice in which 85 coon-ass boys
they've taken off the streets.  Taking a little post-hurricane pain
way out west, call this one LSU by 10.

TCU at SMU
I would call this annual tussle "the battle for Dallas".  But, since
TCU is located over in Tarrant County (Fort Worth), "the battle for
the Metroplex" would be a better nickname.  As besides, when anyone
says "battle for Dallas", we all assume that it's Mercedes versus
BMW.  The Frogs make it two for two on the 2005 season, call it TCU
by 10.

Notre Dame at Michigan
The magic is back.  The Irish, led by whiz-bang coach Charlie Weis,
went into Pittsburgh last weekend and smashed the favored and
apparently over-rated Panthers in grand style.  The Domer battalion
was instantly energized, lending immediate credence to the old "wake
up the echoes" line.  Is Coach Charlie about to make the same
mistake as Ty Willingham?  Will he win too many, too soon, only to
be an ultimate bust in South Bend?  The Irish fans can rest easy, at
least as I see it.  Charlie Weis is a professional and proven
tactician.  He's no Ty Willingham.  He's going to restore Notre Dame
to the elite of college football in relatively short order.  But,
he's not leaving Ann Arbor undefeated this year.  Taking a little
spoonful of reality, let's call this one Michigan by 6.

Texas at Ohio State
Man alive, what a great game just two weeks into the season.  This
one truly has national title implications, as Mack Brown and his
Texas Longhorns stampede north into Columbus to play the Buckeyes.
UT faithful have to be a little annoyed with the schedule at this
point.  They've finally gotten into a year when Oklahoma looks
beatable, and here comes this nasty non-conference hurdle to jump.
But, I say "no matter" as I really believe that Vince Young and
company have already shown what they're capable of doing to the Big
Ten's best, as evidenced by last year's magnificent Rose Bowl.
Playing at home will help OSU keep it close.  But, when Texas
says "Goodbye, Columbus", they'll be smiling.  Forever Young, as in
Vince Young...  Longhorns by 3.

< <  ============================================   > >

OK, Propheteers, that's it for week two.  Thanks again for all the
supportive mail.  I can't believe we're into week two without any
death threats.

One other little bit of business...  we have to announce the
Prophet's Person of the Year, based on your votes.  After you
carefully considered the evidence I placed in this year's Birthday
Greeting, your runaway choice for a winner was French President
Jacque Chirac.

C'est la vie, Jacque.  And congratulations from the Prophet!

< <  ============================================   > >

THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© P.Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved

< <  ============================================   > >

First of all, let me take a moment to extend my personal sympathies
to the many people whose lives and existence have been affected by
the Hurricane Katrina catastrophe.  The scope of damage and
destruction is beyond comprehension, and it seems to keep getting
worse.  I used to live in Biloxi a long time ago, and I've always
enjoyed visiting New Orleans.   You haven't lived until you've had
champagne breakfast at Brennan's.  So, here's hoping that all
members of the Prophet family will offer assistance in some form or
fashion to appropriate and responsible agencies assisting in the
relief efforts.

OK, let's pick some football games, y'all...

Games of September 1 – 5, 2005


Thursday, September 1, 2005
Vanderbilt at Wake Forest
Here's a battle between two traditional conference bottom-feeders.
Over the last ten years or so, the SEC's Commodores and the ACC's
Demon Deacons have both been going nowhere fast.  OK, I'll admit
that both teams are still going nowhere fast...but Vanderbilt is
going nowhere FASTER.  Wake Forest by 6.

Oregon at Houston
I just heard on the news that they've bused many of the Superdome
Hurricane refugees from New Orleans to Houston.  Apparently, they're
going to resettle them at the Astrodome.  The venerable H-town
facility is much smaller, but seeing as how it has a roof and air-
conditioning, it's bound to be a plus.  But, haven't these poor
people suffered enough?  They'll be getting into Houston just in
time to see the Oregon Ducks waddling into town to play UH.  And
since the Quacks are the visitors, that means they'll be wearing
those putrid road uniforms.  Showing them to those poor folks from
Louisiana just seems so very, very cruel.  Oregon by 10.

Central Florida at South Carolina
And so begins the "Steve Spurrier Era" at South Carolina.  It comes
at the end of the "Lou Holtz Era".  Is there a reason that USC can't
hire a coach who's not a weasel (Lou) or a jackass (Steve)?
Something tells me that we'll see THE only good reason (winning) for
hiring Stevie on Thursday night.  Gamecocks by 16.


Temple at Arizona State
The game brings good and bad news for eastern football.  The bad
news is that the Owls are traveling 2500 miles to play in a dry and
hot climate, not to mention lining up against a top-twenty foe.  The
good news is that the resulting loss won't count against the Big
East ledger, seeing as how the Owls have involuntarily left the
conference.   Being an independent means you lose only for
yourself.  :) Sun Devils by 14.

Minnesota at Tulsa
I normally would not have made a pick on this dog of a game.  But,
it's my first and only opportunity THIS week to go AGAINST
hurricanes in any form or fashion.  Call it a sympathy pick for my
brothers in New Orleans, Biloxi and Gulfport.  Look for the Gophers
to bury the category zero Golden Hurricane of Tulsa, even though
they play far away from Minneapolis.  Minnesota by 14.

Friday, September 2
Indiana at Central Michigan
I'm assuming the Chippewas of Central Michigan are one of the teams
resident on the NCAA's politically insensitive list of team
mascots.  What I want to know is what are they (the NCAA nitwits)
gonna do about INDIANa?  Do they have the power to rename states?
FWIW, I don't know if the Chippewa tribe supports CMU's use of their
imagery as a mascot.  But getting beat at home by the worst team in
the Big Ten isn't the sort of thing to solidify such a
relationship.  Indiana by 2.

Saturday, September 3
Miami(OH) at Ohio State
A long time ago, Miami of Ohio was called the "cradle of coaches",
due to the incredible number of successful field bosses who'd
started there.  Present Red Hawk coach Shane Montgomery might be a
pretty effective leader, but as for the "cradle" thing, look for him
to be a babe in bloomers up in Columbus.  Ohio Stadium has long been
a "MAC conference graveyard".  I see no life in Miami's Saturday
trip to Columbus.  OSU by 16.

Ball State at Iowa
The Iowa Hawkeyes are the dark horse darlings of the college
football world.  There are numerous individuals and magazines
predicting great things in Iowa City.  I've seen Iowa rated as high
as third in the country on at least one list.  Well, color me
unconvinced, at least for now.  It remains to be seen how high the
Hawks will fly in '05.  But, let's just say it won't take no top-ten
effort to kick Ball State outta town come Saturday.  Iowa by 21.

Rutgers at Illinois
I'm not going to weigh in on whether or not Illinois should be using
the term "Illini" in their mascot name.  But to call them the
FIGHTING Illini isn't exactly truth in advertising.  There hasn't
been much recent fight in the Champaign Redskins.  New Coach Ron
Zook, the ex-Florida Gator commander, will be at last free of Steve
Spurrier's shadow.  But losing out of the gate to Rutgers isn't
going to start any tribal celebrations at Illinois.  Rutgers by 3.

UAB at Tennessee
A recent sports radio talk show labeled Tennessee's uniforms as "the
ugliest in college football".  And while I'm not a huge fan of the
orange habiliments, they're at least going to be a lot prettier than
UAB's after this game.  Those white, green and gold road clothes
sported by the visitors are going to be accented with lots of Big
Orange mud and Blazer blood when this one ends.  Tennessee by 21.

Boston College at BYU
The Stormin' Mormons kick off 2005 with a new head coach.  In search
of another man to restore the glory of LaVelle Edwards to Provo, BYU
has chosen Bronco Mendenhall to guide the Cougars.  And even though
this game is played many, many miles from Beantown, look for the
Eagles to ride herd on Bronco and his troops Saturday.  BC by 12.

Colorado State at Colorado
I'm really wondering what to expect from Gary Barnette's Colorado
Buffaloes this year.  I haven't read any stories about them raping
coeds or kickers, giving drugs to recruits, or even so much as jay-
walking over the summer.  I get the feeling that they're just not
trying anymore.  But, the sight of their CSU buddies from Fort
Collins might just be enough to make the Buffs violate probation out
on the old gridiron.  Returning to a life a crime, Colorado steals a
second-straight win against the cross-state sheep.  Buffs by 7.

South Florida at Penn State
Even though this is a home game for Penn State, I really think that
venerable Lion boss Joe Paterno would feel much more at home down at
USF.  Within about five miles of the Bulls' Tampa stadium are
numerous communities with a median age of 80+ years.  OK, people
keep wondering when Joe Paterno is going to retire, and I have the
answer... NEVER.  As long as he's breathing and has not been fired,
he'll keep coaching.  And speaking of "fired", losing to USF in
Happy Valley probably wouldn't bring out the firing squad...but then
again, maybe it might...or should.   Penn State by 10.

Boise State at Georgia
I bet that back when this game was originally scheduled, the Georgia
AD mentally penciled in "W" on the ledger.  Some ten years ago,
playing BSU would have been considered a gimme.  Now, having the
Broncos for an opener fits more into the "gimme a break" category
for Dawg Coach Mark Richt.  This game will be competitive for way
longer than the Sanford Stadium crowd will enjoy. But in the end,
look for the heat, humidity and home-fan intensity to wear BSU
down.  Georgia's Bulldogs go pit-bull in a hard-fought 6 point win.

Wyoming at Florida
New Gator boss Urban Meyer has been successful at every coaching
stop.  And, he's done it by being familiar with every aspect of his
program.  His system, his nomenclature, his expectations...he knows
them all like the back of his hand.  And speaking of familiar, I'll
bet that Urban has a little first-hand knowledge about his opening
round opponent for 2005.  The Wyoming Cowboys are a blast from his
very recent Mountain West past.  And while he had no issue defeating
Wyoming while at Utah, "Coach" will find the Swamp crowd and the
horrifying Florida heat to be an added plus when he saddles up
against the Cowpokes.  Getting the "Post Zook" era off to a good
start, call this one Gators by 20.

Maryland at Navy
When those Naval Midshipmen get a look at rotund Terp Coach Ralph
Friedgen, they may try to scrape him for barnacles.  But while they
may mistake Ralphie for a large tugboat, they'll find that the
Terrapin firepower is more than enough to add a crisp chop to the
waters in Annapolis.  Look for the coach to drop anchor at the mess
hall, right after he pulls the plug on the Middies at the stadium.
Maryland by 14.

USC at Hawaii
I was wondering why in God's name that Hawaii would want to get
their season off to a catastrophic start by playing the two-time
Trojan champs.  But on second thought, it's probably a contract
incentive thing.  I'll bet that if I were to call up one of my extra-
snazzy lawyer friends, it wouldn't take 20-20 vision to find some
verbiage in ol' June's agreement with UH concerning "the college
football national champion" appearing at Aloha Stadium.  And while
the Warrior brass may have had Hawaii's being the champs in mind for
the financial bonus, perhaps it was written in such a way as to be
ambiguous.  For the Trojans and their fans, this one will be
anything but ambiguous.  It'll be a crystal clear start towards the
expected three-peat and Rose Bowl appearance come January.  But for
the rest of the college football world, it'll be as exciting as
spending an afternoon with an annoying optician.  Speaking of
optics, I see a 30 point USC win coming clearly into focus.

Louisiana-Lafayette at Texas
For the kids from Cajun land, this trip to Austin is going to be the
second-worst thing that's happened to them in the last week.  And if
some incredible twist of leads to a Longhorn loss, there'll be a
category five hurricane waiting outside Mack Brown's office on
Tuesday morning.  But, I see no worries for Mr. "Can't Beat
Oklahoma".  La-Lafayette won't even qualify as a speed bump in this
mismatched opener.  Horns by 45.

Maine at Nebraska
College football is a terrific sport, and for most of us, it
represents true sporting joy.  That's not to say NCAA ball is
without its bad side.  There's the steroid controversies,
undisciplined athletes, grading scams, recruiting violations, etc.
And, there's something like THIS.  Nebraska against Maine.  MAINE.
I've seen cheesy openers before, but this one takes the cake.  The
last time anything memorable was associated nationally with "Maine",
it started the Spanish-American War.  Well, Billy "Bull Moose"
Callahan and his Cornhuskers will probably annihilate the Bears on
Saturday, but it won't lead to his troops charging up the polls
anytime soon.   Nebraska by 48.

Texas A&M at Clemson
For some reason, not entirely apparent to me, Texas A&M is highly-
regarded going into this season.  One of the talking heads on ESPN
picked them to win the Big XII South.  (which is exhibit A in the
argument for drug testing sportscasters, if you ask me...)  It's not
that the Aggies are a bad team, not at all.  It's just that they're
not quite the juggernaut the media seems to believe.  Reggie McNeal
is a slippery QB and will cause all sorts of problems for opponents
this year.  A&M is going to win their share of games this year,
but...  this opener is the wrong game, the wrong opponent and the
wrong location.  Death Valley didn't get its nickname by chance, and
the orange-clad hick horde in Clemson will be enough to rattle the
Aggie cage on Saturday evening.  In an upset, let's say Clemson by 3.

Notre Dame at Pittsburgh
If history is any indicator of future occurrence, Notre Dame may be
off to a good start in 2005.  Coach Charlie Weis helped his former
team, the New England Patriots, defeat Pittsburgh last January, en
route to the Super Bowl.  And considering that he beat the STEELERS,
you'd figure the Panthers to be an easier assignment.  And, it would
be so if only the visitors' initials were NE instead of ND.  Look
for new Pittsburgh coach Dave Wannstedt, formerly of the Miami
Dolphins, to exact some deep-seated AFC East frustrations against
Mr. Weis on Saturday.  Panthers by 7.

Georgia Tech at Auburn
Auburn lost quite a few players from last year's undefeated and
unappreciated (national-championship-wise) team.  Coach Tommy
Tuberville has admitted that the misfortune of going undefeated at
the same time as Oklahoma and USC stung quite a bit, since his
Tigers ended up the odd cat out.  Considering that THIS year's
Auburn squad has a huge target on their backs that not many of the
present players actually had a hand in earning, I would have been
VERY tempted to pick this game as an upset IF it were being played
in Atlanta.  However, Auburn's first loss in a long time isn't going
to happen in front of the home crowd this early in September.  In
what could be a very entertaining game, let's go with Auburn by 5.


Sunday, September 4
West Virginia at Syracuse
Now that every team of consequence has left the Big East, West
Virginia and Syracuse figured this contest would determine who'd be
the next big-bad-team in the conference.  Don't you know they just
did cartwheels upon learning that the next great team in the Big
East was going to be conference newbie Louisville?  In this early-
season battle for second place, let's call it West Virginia by 2.

Virginia Tech at N.C. State
Boy, the ACC is getting things off to a screaming start.  We have
VaTech hooking up with NC State on Sunday, and FSU and Miami on
Monday.  Nothing like getting a good idea on the conference
championship game participants by the end of Labor Day, huh?  In
this contest, we have a battle between two defense-minded head
coaches.  Frank Beamer's Hokies have always played a tenacious and
gritty brand of defense.  And Wolfpack man Chuck Amato has been
known to coach a decent linebacker or two.  Conversely, neither
coach is really associated with innovative or explosive offense.
Sure, Chuck and State have had their moments, but things were so
much better with someone named Phil Rivers playing QB.  As for
VaTech, their offensive greatness came during a time when Mike Vick
took snaps.  So, basically, this game will be probably be decided by
whichever team plays enough "O" to scratch out a win.  Considering
that Tech will be piloted by Mike Vick's little bro Marcus, I'd say
that the scales are tipped a bit in their direction.  But, speaking
of "scales", Marcus HAS had his share of scrapes with the law,
usually having something to do with puffin' a little weed.   So,
maybe the NC State campus police could consider doing a little
surprise locker search in the visitors' clubhouse prior to
kickoff.   And, if that doesn't pan out, perhaps Coach Chuck should
look into recruiting Phil Rivers' little brother.  ;)   Virginia
Tech by 7.

Monday, September 5
Miami at Florida State
Both teams have so many new faces.  Miami will definitely have a new
starting quarterback, as will FSU.  There are new linemen, defensive
backs and even kicking specialists.  Nobody can be certain how the
first-timers will fare in this rivalry, one of college football's
most intense.  However, as you'd expect, veteran leadership will
ultimately decide who starts 2005 with a win in Tallahassee.  FSU
has a solid defense, and I don't see Miami scoring more than about
16 points against them.  Unfortunately, that's possibly 13 more than
I think genius coordinator Jeff Bowden can coax out of his green
offense.  PLEASE PLEASE, someone make me eat my words. It would be
my pleasure.  Giving FSU a few points for the home support, let's
say Miami by 10.


OK folks, that's it for week one.  BTW, please get your votes for
the "Prophet's Man of the Year" competition in soon.
(prophetfootball@...)   And, if you don't know what this is
all about, find a copy of the Birthday Greeting and check it out.
One note regarding my early feedback on that competition... it's
scaring me how many of you folks out there feel sorry for the guy
and his dog.  Jeez.

< <  ============================================   > >

THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for College Football Fans

Visit Prophet ONLINE at
groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

© 2005 P.Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh,
All Rights Reserved

< <  ============================================   > >


My dear Propheteers...
You have ALL been so very patient with me.  Those of you who know me
and remotely care are well aware that my birthdate is in late June.
While I've made a career of being late with the birthday greeting,
I've pushed this year's procrastination to new heights...or perhaps
I should say depths.  I suppose I take such license with the
Birthday Greeting to the Masses as it is my last opportunity to put
anything off with regard to this Prophet gig.  Once the season
starts, I am slave to the schedule.  Tired or not, funny or not,
sober or not, dead or alive... the show must go on.  Let's just
assume that I've carried this year's rebellious fling a little
further than usual.

As is my custom, I will first share some of the kind birthday wishes
that I have received from around the world.  As is always the case,
I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of affection I receive from the
rich and famous each year as my birthday arrives.  I just wish
they'd send presents along with the greetings.  I'm retired now, and
one must make a buck where one can. :)

Here's a sampling of this year's good wishes...
(Please note that since I have done a bit of dawdling in writing
this issue, some of the sentiments expressed in these excerpts may
be a bit dated):

========================================================

"Happy Birthday both from the Cape and from Houston, sir.  Thanks
for confirming our subscriptions.  Reading your wit and humor will
help us endure the long hours in space resulting from this fall's
ambitious launch schedule."

Shuttle Command, NASA


"In case you haven't heard, the divorce settlement awards Prophet to
me.  Please send Brad's issues to my email address, listed below.  I
don't really care who hits the most homeruns in football games, I
don't even know the teams.  But, if there's something HE wants in
this house, I want it more.  Oh, and in case you haven't read the
latest issue of National Inquirer, it's all HIS fault."

Jennifer Aniston, scorned woman
ja@...


"Please keep sending your newsletter.  I'm back at work, so I can
again afford to pay that guy who reads it to me.  Hey, I heard that
you were giving thought to NOT writing Prophet.  Don't do it man,
people will miss you.  Trust me, I know what I'm saying.  And
besides, you'll have to pay back the signing bonus that you got when
you first contracted.  And if you're like me, I figure you done
spent all the money."

Ricky Williams
Past and Future NFL running back


"We're looking forward to another great year of your humor and
wisdom.  Life isn't worth living without the Prophet."

Peter Jennings and Johnnie Cochran
World News Tonight/The Glove is Too Tight


"Happy Birthday.  Would you like a virtual balloon?  But seriously,
I'm glad we still can exchange e-mails.  Since you've started eating
a healthier diet, I never see you in any of my restaurants.  Hey, I
agree with you about that silly "BTK Killer's" nickname.  It DOES
sound like one of those grilled sandwiches over at Burger King."

Ronald McDonald
Second-rate clown and burger salesman


"Happy Birthday from California.  I've been busy busy busy buying
baby furniture and stuff.  In case you haven't heard, I am
pregnant.  I'm gonna be a mom!  Tee-hee, giggle.  Kevin is just SO
excited about being a dad again.  He'll be a much better father this
time around.  I mean, he's had six months since the birth of his
last kid to mature."

Britney Spears
People Magazine Pop Princess and
General public annoyance


"How's it going in Tallahassee, man?  Happy Birthday from beautiful
Columbia, South Carolina.  You guys still abusing them native
Americans?  Hey, thanks for the welcome back to college football.
I'm looking forward to another year of your crap.  You really are
pretty funny for a Semi.  BTW, I hope you tune in for this year's
Gator-Gamecock game.  I'm gonna whip that kid Meyer like an ugly
stepchild.  Oh, one more thing, smartass.  It's the South Carolina
GAMEcocks.  Not just "the cocks".   I refuse to answer questions
like "how are gonna handle the cocks differently than Lou Holtz"?

Stephen Orr Spurrier
Evil Genius and Columbia, SC (Game)Cock Head



And now, the Birthday Greeting's main event for 2005:

The Prophet Speaketh's First and Probably Last Annual
Person of the Year Award Contest

This year's Birthday Greeting focuses on an idea originally put
forth by "The Darwin Awards".  These tongue-in-cheek accolades
celebrate idiotic happenings that prove some human beings are just
not meant to live.  The idea is that Charles Darwin's theory of
evolution would suggest that REALLY stupid people kill themselves
off at an early, and hopefully pre-reproductive, age, thereby
allowing the more intelligent DNA to continue future human
generations.   The best local sports talk host in Tallahassee, my
friend Jeff Cameron, calls this phenomenon "thinning the herd".
Don't get a big head Jeff, you are actually the ONLY sports talk
host in town.  The other so-called hosts are too busy hawking weight-
loss plans and trying to lend money.

Anyway, what I've done this year is to compile my own list of grade-
A idiots.  My slate is totally original an and independent of "The
Darwins".  I've only used the concept as inspiration for a reader
contest, as you'll read below.  One big difference between my list
and the one contained in this year's "Darwins" is that not all of my
subjects are dead.  One of them did, in fact, "off" himself.  But,
the others are, as I write this, still inexplicably alive.   I am
going to describe to you each of these human wonders.  I will then
let YOU readers tell me which idiot deserves to top the list.  Who
will win the Prophet's coveted first and probably last annual Person
of the Year?  Look this over and tell me who's at the bottom of the
evolutionary bucket, so to speak.  One note, you'll notice that I've
gone politically correct and have deemed the award as the PERSON of
the year.  But in a sad statement on the future of humanity, all
five finalists are men.  Come to think of it, when I look at lists
of this ilk, the parties described seem to be predominantly male.
Is it possible that 91% of the criminally stupid persons in this
world are X-Ys?  Try not to think about it, guys...


Candidate Number One
"Not quite up and over Down Under."

Many of you know that I visited Australia this summer.  And, as a
quick note, I highly recommend traveling Down Under.  I've never
been to a friendlier country.

While I was in Oz, I was watching television one evening and heard
this dreadful tease for an upcoming story :  "A young man dies at
the Adelaide Zoo, stay tuned. . ."
I thought to myself, My God.  Did some poor animal feeder get mauled
by lions?  Did a young visitor fall overboard on the jungle cruise,
into the waiting jaws of the crocodiles?  How about snakes?  Maybe
some high school group visitor was bitten by a King Brown snake.
Imagine my surprise to learn the REAL truth.

As the news story returned, I learned that the deceased had actually
been in the zoo after hours, and was stealing ice cream from a
vending machine.  He must have been startled and, fearing the
police, he fled.  As he was making his escape, he climbed over one
of those large and pointy iron fences.  This moron, whose fingers
were obviously greased with melted rocky road, slipped and impaled
himself on the fence.  The security guys found him hanging there the
next morning, which is the very definition of "mate, this is going
to be a bad day" in my book.   Let's just sum it up by saying
Charles Darwin might have been looking at tortoises on the Galapagos
when he formulated his theories.  But, his premise would absolutely
include the elimination of individuals who impale themselves on a
fence while stealing ice cream.


Candidate Number Two
"Daddy, I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry I'm daddy."
(or)
"And here's to you, MISTER Robinson."

Gary Robinson USED to caddy for LPGA golfer Jackie Gallagher-Smith.
However, their relationship, which has both a personal and
professional side to it, came to an end recently.   As it turns out,
Gary fathered a child with and for Ms. Gallagher-Smith, giving
alternate meaning to "pulling out the old putter".  Considering that
sweet Jackie also had a husband, this led to considerable anger in
the Smith corner of the Gallagher-Smith household.
Eventually, "mom" was forced to fire her caddy daddy.   And
now, "Mister" Robinson is suing his former partner and boss,
claiming that she seduced him in order to get pregnant.   He called
himself an "unwitting and unwilling sperm donor".  Robinson was
quoted as saying "the likelihood that I'll ever get another job as a
caddy is very, very slim."  Maybe so, Gary...  but don't give up on
that Viagra or Ciallis commercial.   This guy will be a shoo-in to
win the Prophet's Person of the Year award if every guy out there
who WOULDN'T sue a beautiful, athletic and rich woman for seducing
him votes his ticket.  Who's your daddy?



Candidate Number Three / Candidat Numéro Trois
"Eating one's words with a light truffle sauce."

How many of you remember that they voted on the 2012 Summer Olympics
site earlier this year?  Well, to refresh your memory, they did.
The candidate cities were Madrid, Moscow, London, Paris and New
York.  Madrid was eliminated early, perhaps due to a nationwide
shortage of Pez dispensers.  New York fell by the wayside when it
appeared that the opening ceremonies would probably be held in a
Greenwich Village coffee house, as the downtown stadium project fell
apart.  The committee said "nyet" to Moscow as soon as the free
vodka was gone, which left only London versus Paris.  All of the
oddsmakers had Paris as the front runner, THE choice.  "Le Choice",
shall we say.  The city of light seemed poised to pluck the world's
premier sporting event, returning it to la belle France after some
80 years.   Enter French President Jacque Chirac.  When asked about
choosing between London and Paris, he sniffed in Gallic fashion,
adding the disdainful comment of "England has the second worst food
in the world after Finland".  Not content with slurring one abrasive
line, Blacque Jacque added "The only English contribution to the
culinary world is Mad Cow Disease."

France lost by only four votes.  I might note that two of the
committee voters were Finnish.  And, I'll bet that some of them also
were beef eaters.  And so, with two ill-considered sentences, the
Olympics moved to the land of THE Beefeaters, leaving France holding
le bag.  Conservative estimates suggest that the loss will cost
France some five billion Euros in tourist revenue alone.  Excellent
Travail, le Président Stupid.


When Chirac is voted out of office in the next election, let's
assume that public relations will not be his future career choice.


Candidate Number Four
"A brown nose goes best with the home uniforms, Phil."

Roger Clemens is well known in the sports world.  A sure Hall-of-
Famer, Rocket has pitched effectively in the big leagues for well
over twenty years, including stops in Boston, New York, Toronto and
Houston.   A native Texan, Roger is spending the twilight of his
career racking up wins for the Astros.  Recently, in the baseball
amateur draft, Roger's son Koby was selected by the Astros.

For those of you more familiar with the football and basketball
talent drafts, the baseball affair is totally different.  It
consists of about 500 rounds and the late rounds of full
of "courtesy" picks and such.  I'm sure there are some teams in need
of infielders out searching the black market for Dominican stem
cells.  In short, while ::I:: personally would never have the talent
to be drafted into professional baseball, it's also true that being
so selected is NO indication of any impending visit to the major
leagues.  Anyway, like I say...

Koby Clements, son of Roger, was drafted by the Astros.  What did
Houston manager Garner have to say about young Koby?  Phil was
quoted as gushing "this signing has nothing to do with Roger Clemens
being a member of this organization.  I've been watching Koby for
the last couple of years out here, and he's been hitting it off the
walls in left field.  I see a lot of players coming out of high
school and college and Koby can stand with any of them right now.
We may see him here in the big leagues in not too long a time."

OK, reality check.  Koby was drafted in the 8th round.  He was the
254th pick.  While not belittling the young man's talent, it appears
that 253 other players showed more promise and went earlier.  I wish
Koby the best, but I think Phil Garner deserves some Man of the Year
consideration for laying it on a little thick.  Methinks he was b-
nosing Koby's old man just a little bitty bit.  Then again, maybe he
was just plain scared.  Roger has been known to have a bit of a
temper.   Maybe YOUR fear of Roger Clemens' wrath will make Phil
Garner YOUR choice for Prophet's Man of the Year.


Candidate Number Five
"Man's best friend unleashed."

And you people thought all that we Tallahassee residents had to
worry about involved whether or not we could still call ourselves
the Florida State Seminoles...

It seems that local Tallahassee prosecutors are in a doggone bind.
A crime has obviously been committed, but the exact statutory
offense is not clear.   It's said that justice is blind, but in THIS
case, injustice is also blind as the local authorities don't know
what to do with Alan Yoder, a 29-year old resident of Florida's
capital city.  How should they charge Yoder, who incidentally is
blind, for having sex with his Seeing Eye dog?  Florida, unlike many
states, has no bestiality law.   I personally didn't know that, but
then again, it's never been an issue in my life.  So, Yoder was
originally charged with cruelty to animals, but court records show
that the charge was dropped (the dog apparently didn't wish to file
charges) and replaced with a misdemeanor, disorderly conduct.  Still
figuring that they'd barked up the wrong tree, the prosecutor's
office made another change, charging the ultimate dog lover
with "breach of the peace, by engaging in sexual activity with a
guide dog".  Apparently the dog was a barker.

In case you think this story couldn't be any more bizarre, consider
this one last tidbit...   Mr. Yoder's dog was named "Lucky".
Getting Lucky.  Sometimes the funniest stuff is true.

So, will Alan Yoder get "lucky" and win Prophet's Man of the Year
competition?  Only YOU can decide.  If enough of you raise your
paws, Yoder could end up best in show for 2005.


OK folks, it's all in your hands.  Let me know your choice for the
first and probably last coveted "Prophet's Person of the Year"
competition.   Just like any other official election, you may vote
early and often.  However, all voting will end at midnight, EDT on
September 1, 2005.   Send all votes in the form of an e-mail to
prophetfootball@...

And now, all we need is some football.  Very, very soon, you'll
start receiving your weekly Prophet's picks via email.  As I said
last year, time is becoming quite precious to me, so I simply cannot
pick 40-50 games per week.  Oh, I could pick them... but I could
never write the comedy.  And the laughs are the reason that most of
us are here.  There are sure as hell more accurate forecasts out
there.

Each week, you'll find my take on about 20 contests, and I'll try to
cover some of the higher profile matchups.  I'll probably ignore
most of the more banal contests, unless of course I think of
something REALLY funny to say about a game between Dartmouth and
Cornell.  ;)

Thank you for reading Prophet each week.  Please feel free to write
whenever you'd like.  I do my best to answer a significant portion
of my emails.  Believe it or not, I actually get quite a few.  Last
year was nice, too, as you guys completely eliminated the death
threats, except for that one weekend in October.

Enjoy the season !   Prophet

Hello Propheteers far and wide!
I bet you've all wondered what's happened to me.  Well, a funny
thing happened in my life this year.  I retired from fulltime work,
and damned if I'm not busier than ever.

I made a long trip to Australia this summer, during June.  And as
you all probably know, June or early July is when "The Prophet's
Birthday Greeting to the Masses" comes out....or usually comes out.
Well, let's just say that I fell into a big hole somewhere south of
the international date line on my trip.  Here it is August and I
haven't gotten a birthday greeting out yet.

Trust me on two counts...
(1) It WILL eventually come and
(2) It'll suck as usual

Anyway, I still plan on writing Prophet this year, so you'll be
getting my weekly nonsense in your email box starting very soon.
Please spread the word among the unchurched, letting them know of
this sick little thing we're all doing together here.  I'd love to
have some more victims/subscribers.

All right, I guess I'd better go work on the birthday greeting a bit
more.  I wonder if I can avoid getting old if I just refuse to write
birthday greetings each year.

See you soon!
The Prophet

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THE PROPHET SPEAKS                                       SIY

College Football's's Place for Foolishness on the Internet

© 2004  P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at

http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks
http://www.squeakytoy.com

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2004 SEASON

....is not worth mentioning at this point, especially after Black
Thursday (12/30).   I hope you guys still love me. :^/

So, let's just say
Happy New Year to all of you, and here's to a year where I have not
yet missed a game. :^)

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Saturday, January 1, 2005
The Outback Bowl
Georgia vs Wisconsin
Mark Richt had hoped his Bulldogs could win "best in show" for 2004
college football.  But they got muzzled on a couple of occasions, and
didn't find themselves far enough south on New Year's Day to win a
title.  Speaking of Dogs, southern canines are found of chasing
small, furry animals into holes, and then diggin' `em out.  I suppose
that a Badger would qualify as a small, furry animal, but they have a
nasty, nasty disposition. Something tells me that digging one of
Barry's Rats out of a hole on New Year's Day wouldn't be a good
idea.  Sliding back into real football talk, David White and the
Georgia Bulldogs are, at times, an excellent football team.  However,
recent New Year's games have been very, very good to the almost
unexplainable Wisconsin Badgers.  Although I really can't tell you
why or how it will happen, I see UW digging themselves another bowl
win out of a hole in Tampa.  Wisconsin by 1.

The Cotton Bowl
Tennessee vs Texas A&M
If the Vols and Aggies were high school students, they'd have
identical report cards.  "Shows great promise" and "could someday
amount to something special" might be comments made by their
instructors.  However, those dreaded "needs improvement" and "is
capable of so much more" boxes might also be checked for both clubs.
This year's Cotton Bowl features two pretty decent teams famous,
unfortunately in recent history, for underachieving.  However, I've
seen a few signs of change down in College Station, and I believe
that A&M might be ready to move to the head of the class this
Saturday in Dallas.  Aggies by 4.

The Gator Bowl
Florida State vs West Virginia
This pick is going to be short and sweet.  As a Florida State fan, I
find the pitiful job of coaching being done by the Bowden staff to be
anything but funny.  Many of we Seminole alums are praying, to
anything resembling God, that Jeff Bowden finds employment elsewhere
in 2005.  But recent articles in our local Tallahassee Democrat say
that Jeff Bowden "isn't going anywhere".  That can only mean that
Florida State isn't going anywhere anytime soon either.  So, I
suppose we'd best get happy with (hopefully) top-twenty-five finishes
and appearances in tier-three bowl games.  As for this year's Gator
Bowl, I am reminded that FSU has never lost in five Jacksonville
appearances.  I do realize that Jeff Bowden is certainly a bad enough
influence to break that streak, but something tells me he won't.
Before you make any money wagers, be advised that it could be my New
Year's champagne talking, though..... Here's hoping that I have no
hangover tomorrow after this game.  I'm gonna say Florida State by 3,
and then I'll truly be expecting almost anything.  Fire Jeff Bowden!

The Capital One Bowl
LSU vs Iowa
The brass in Baton Rouge had to know that something was going to
happen, with regard to coach Nick Saban, when he requested a one-way
plane ticket to Florida.  For some indiscernible reason, Nick has
agreed to coach the woeful Miami Dolphins starting next fall.
Perhaps it was the twenty million dollars?  Anyway, Nick's swan song
will play in Orlando Saturday, as his Tigers square off against an
old foe from the Big Ten, Kirk Ferenze's Iowa Hawkeyes.  Nick didn't
have the greatest success against the Hawks back when he was at
Michigan State, and Saturday may not offer any respite in his last
college game.  Iowa may only RESEMBLE the Pittsburgh Steelers because
of their uniforms.  But on Saturday, they'll do what the NFL black
and gold has done all year, save once.  Win. Iowa by 3.

The Rose Bowl
Michigan vs Texas
OK, Thursday's Holiday Bowl may have suggested or even proved that
California did NOT belong in the Rose Bowl.  But, that doesn't
necessarily mean that Texas did.  From where I sat, Texas Tech looked
pretty tough. : ) OK, just kidding...I know the Longhorns drilled the
Raiders, as Mack Brown and company accidently won a big game.  Many
Californians are aghast that the Rose Bowl is NOT Pac Ten against the
Big Ten, as it is not their TRADITION.  I humbly suggest that change
is sometimes good.  Texas and Michigan are two of college football's
elite programs, and yet they've never met.  Why can't the Rose Bowl
be proud to be the place that they finally hook up?  Look for Texas
to make this a memorable trip west for their fans and
administration.  And by the way, I see where Mack got a big raise
recently.  Maybe losing every damned year to Oklahoma isn't that bad
after all.  Longhorns by 6.

The Fiesta Bowl
Pittsburgh vs Utah
The Utes from Salt Lake City are the official "BCS Buster" team.
Utah is the first club from outside the BCS to circumvent the
Byzantine rules and regulations specifically designed to keep the
unwanteds out of the major bowls, so kudos to lame-duck coach Urban
Meyer and company.  Speaking of "busting", Utah's season has probably
helped bust open a few wallets down in Gainesville, Florida, too.
Utah's Fiesta opponents, the Pittsburgh Panthers are also losing
their head coach.  Walt Harris has signed on to coach at Stanford
next year.  That means that neither team will have a leg up or down
on the "coach's last game" emotion.  The Panthers ended up winning
the Big East, almost by default.  At times, the conference race back
east seemed like drawing straws, and the Panthers got the short one.
Many would question Pitt's true BCS credentials, whatever that
means.  It is generally expected that Utah should prevail, especially
in the dry desert climate of Tempe.  However, don't be surprised if
the undermanned Panthers return a more than a little fire.  Pitt may
win a few battles, but they'll eventually lose this war.  "Urban
warfare" prevails once more, Utah by 7.

Monday, January 3
The Sugar Bowl
Virginia Tech vs Auburn
If you want my opinion, I'll give it to you. Even if you don't,
you've chosen to read my rag, so here it comes.  One of you out there
has actually, in writing, called me the most brilliant man ever.
Auburn IS the best football team in America.  They should have an
opportunity to play for the national title.  I believe the Tigers
could play with and defeat either USC or Oklahoma.  That being said,
I'll also remind you that Virginia Tech is not chopped liver.  They
basically had USC beat in the opener.  They beat the University of
Miami in south Florida.  They easily handled Virginia.  They're
good....maybe not as good as Auburn, but still damned tough.  And,
they're very, very happy to be playing in New Orleans.  Auburn, in
spite of their protests, is not and that equals an upset.  Even the
best team in the country can lose if not properly motivated, and it
happens on Monday night.  How does the BCS keep getting away with
it?  Virginia Tech by 3.

Tuesday, January 4
The Orange Bowl
Oklahoma vs USC
Even Steven.  What a matchup.  Oklahoma and USC come into Miami
almost mirror images of each other.  Pete Carroll and Bob Stoopes are
(among) the finest college football coaches.  Memo to Bob...keep
working a little on that humility thing, dude.  And memo to
Pete....buy a comb, man.  The Trojans and Sooners both have more
speed than a Tijuana weight-loss clinic, and more dangerous offensive
weapons than Pakistan and India combined.  Hell, has there EVER been
a bowl game featuring two Heisman Trophy winners playing against each
other?  Other than that kid from Utah, the entire invited party from
the Heisman ceremony suits up Tuesday in Miami.  On the surface, this
game couldn't be more even.  Breaks will certainly, as is always the
case, make or add to the difference.  But intangibles and fate can be
impossible to predict.  Looking very carefully, I only see one thing
that's amiss on either side, and that involves USC running back
Lendell White.  His high ankle sprain might be just the edge that OU
needs to win their lucky 13th Orange Bowl and yet another national
title.  And Freddie....just remember, me picking against USC isn't a
bad thing.  Look at my freakin' record, man.  Sooners finish number
one, call it OU by 3.

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Let me close by thanking all of you for reading and writing to me
this year.  I've enjoyed another year of sharing my insane vision
with college football fans all across the country.  I've even met a
few of you this year, and it was my sincere pleasure.  All in all,
2004 was personally a never-to-be-forgotten year for me.

Every year at this time, I always think that I've just about had it
with writing Prophet.  It DOES become a grind.  But I learned
something important this year, and it's that I'll be here forever.
I'm not going anywhere. : )

Prophet

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  THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
  College Football's's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
  © 2004  P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2004 SEASON\

....let's just say it's getting worse. :^/

OK, folks.  I'll go along with ESPN in denoting the next seven days
as "Capital One Bowl Week".  I suppose it's appropriate that a
company that prides itself on charging little or no interest would
claim propriety over a slew of basically meaningless games.  How's
that for truth in advertising?

OK, let's go miss some more games....

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Monday, December 27
The MPC Computers Bowl
Virginia vs Fresno State
At one point this year, the Cavs of Virginia seemed destined for the
BCS, maybe even the Orange Bowl.  And then suddenly, they became
beatable.  And to tell you the truth, I can't really figure out what
went wrong.  Maybe they can fire up one of the MPC sponsor's
computers to analyze all of the data.  Something tells me that if
they wait until the end of this contest, there'll be a few more
troubling files to add to the job.  Losing to an FSU for the second
time this year, Virginia gets bit by the Valley Bulldogs.  FSU-West
by 4.

The Motor City Bowl
Toledo vs Connecticut
Only a couple of years ago, UConn was playing 1-AA football.  And
Toledo?  They were just another team playing in the largely ignored
Mid-America conference.  Now here we are with the Rockets and Huskies
hooking up in Motown's Motor City Bowl.  I will submit the obligatory
congratulation(s) to both programs, but with one little caveat.
There are 28 bowl games, and unless Vince McMahon and his wrestling
goons start sponsoring one, each contest can only have two
participants.  Therefore, it stands that 56 teams CAN play in a bowl
game this year.  Now as we all realize, the NCAA has very strict
standards, and a team must become "bowl eligible", logging six wins
against breathing competition.  This year, 57 teams became bowl
eligible, which means ONLY one team that could go to a bowl game
didn't.  (You gotta wonder what Akron did to piss everybody off,
huh?)  So in truth, it would have been almost impossible for either
team to NOT play in a bowl game.  It's just one more exhibit in
the "there are too damned many bowl games" soliloquy.  As for this
contest, the basketball-savvy Huskies will enjoy their first little
foxtrot in football's "big dance" season, after so many years of
hoops March Madness.  One difference for football is this....in bowl
games, there is actually no tomorrow for either team, win or lose.
In the basketball playoffs, it's win or go home.  In bowl games, it's
win AND go home, which is exactly what the MAC Daddies will do.  Holy
Toledo, let's call it Rockets by 3.


Tuesday, December 28
The Independence Bowl
Miami(OH) vs Iowa State
All Iowa State had to do in order to appear in the Big XII title game
was to defeat (at home) a Missouri club that had absolutely NOTHING
for which to play.  But somehow the Cyclones choked it away and ended
up out of the title picture.  But then again, it's beginning to make
sense for me.  HAD Iowa State played OU for the conference title,
they would have undoubtably been rogered good and proper.  Chances
are good that they'd have found themselves in, say.... the
Independence Bowl playing Miami of Ohio.  In retrospect, it seems
that the smart guys in Ames found a way to have an extra week's rest
and relaxation, and all they had to do was avoid winning the Big XII
North.  Seems like a payable price, I guess.  Speaking paying the
price, look for no discounts on the price ISU might be paying Tuesday
night down in shivering Shreveport.  Miami of Ohio's Redhawks are no
post-holiday bargain, and will provide more excitement than
the `Clone fans expect.  Miami by 5.

The Insight Bowl
Notre Dame vs Oregon State
Insight is the buzzword for this one, folks.  I need some insight as
to why Notre Dame was so quick to terminate the Ty Willingham era?
OK, I get it...he committed the unpardonable sin, namely he won too
quickly.  His early success at South Bend convinced the faithful that
ND was really a national power and had only been held back by Bob
Davies' failings as a coach.  Now, the truth is that Ty and company
over-achieved to the max in 2002.  So the lesson to all newly-hired
coaches is this : go with your younger kids, and get your butt kicked
in year one.  THEN when things begin to improve, you'll get your four
or five year opportunity.  If Ty's Washington Huskies (notice how
quickly this supposedly rotten coach was hired by someone else?) get
off to a quick start in 2005, they'll have to put the good coach in a
psyche ward. :) It is my understanding that Willingham is NOT
coaching the Irish in this bowl game, which is fine enough.  Ty will
get an opportunity to deal with Mike Riley and the Beavers next
fall.  As for this closer, look for the Pac Ten rats to chew another
chunk out of a disappointing year for mighty Notre Dame.  But then
again, help IS on the way at South Bend.  Their new head man can hop
right on that recruiting trail right after the Super Bowl is over.
Oregon State by 7.

Wednesday, December 29
The Houston Bowl
Colorado vs UTEP
This game seems to a good place for some sensitivity counseling,
especially with regard to attitudes toward women.  (Do I sound like a
chickboy?)  UTEP Coach Mike "Dollar Bill" Price's run-in with
Pensacola strippers/hookers is well-documented, as are the numerous
allegations of recruiting party horrors inflicted upon females at
Colorado.  I have a feeling that the CU Buffs are a little further
along in their struggles to repent, based on what happened to them in
the Big XII title game.  Let's just say they know how it feels to be
treated like an object.  So look for them to share the knowledge with
UTEP's Miners.  Buffaloes by 10.

The Alamo Bowl
Oklahoma State vs Ohio State
Never have I been any more sure of my pick in ANY game.  Although I'm
not certain of the point spread, I guarantee that OSU will come out
on top.  However, the tough part will be in saying WHICH OSU
remembers THIS Alamo (Bowl) fondly.  Let's go with the ones wearing
the orange cowboy hats.  Okie State by 2.


Thursday, December 30
The Continental Tire Bowl
Boston College vs North Carolina
Every time I do this bowl game, I revert to TIREd old jokes at the
expense of the game's corporate sponsor, Continental Tires.  Most of
them are RETREADS, and those of you who've read Prophet for more than
a year could easily identify it as "going in circles" for the sake of
humor.  Isn't this column supposed to be about picking winners in
college football games?  Aren't I trying to BALANCE humor and
information?  There's more to my picks than how I simply choose to
SPIN them, right?  I thought so.  OK, Boston College or North
Carolina?   It's time to make a pick because in just a few days, the
old RUBBER hits the ROAD up in Charlotte.  The home crowd will be
behind the Tar Heels, so if Carolina Blue can just put the BRAKES on
the BC attack, up-and-down Coach John Bunting won't be stuck with
another unfriendly press conference.  Now, I'm not about to give you
any kind of LIMITED WARRANTY or GUARANTEE, but I believe the Heels
can ROLL one more time into VICTORY LANE before we LET THE AIR OUT of
2004.  North Carolina wins the Continental Tire Bowl, but it won't be
no BLOWOUT.  And yes, I'm done. Ouch.

The Emerald Bowl
New Mexico vs Navy
Isn't this bowl game being sponsored by that almond company, the guys
who produce Emerald Nuts?  I guess they didn't want to call it
the "Nut Bowl" or the "Emerald Nuts Bowl".  Then again, with the game
being played in within shouting distance of Castro Street, "Nuts
Bowl" could have worked.  Speaking of nuts, what Rhodes Scholars
decided that pairing up natural rivals such as New Mexico and Navy
out in San Francisco would have any kind of appeal to the general
sporting fan?  The Nut(s) Bowl committee had better hope the fleet is
in for the holidays, or things might be mighty lonely in the stands
at this game. (A few thousand sailors in the stadium might spark a
little extra local interest, if you know what I mean...)   But in
reality, this game has about as good a chance of being successfully
marketed in the Bay Area as a Bush for President rally.  Speaking
of "W", let's just say that the "W"olves (as in Lobos) will get
the "W" in this inaugural Nut(s) Bowl.  New Mexico by 3.  (Whaddaya
think, Unavailable Dave??)

The Holiday Bowl
Texas Tech vs California
The Cal Bears had planned on spending the post-season playing
football in southern California.  The problem is that they're playing
two days sooner and 250 miles further south than they'd hoped.  It's
not that UC failed in any way to deserve a stop at the Rose Bowl.
It's more a case of failed drama as the Bears didn't put on a tear-
jerking enough performance to match Mack "Chick Flick" Brown when he
whined and moaned his Texas Longhorns into the BCS top-four.  The
resulting atrocity leaves California playing in the second-tier
Holiday Bowl, with a first-rate pissed off attitude.  Now, playing
ANY team from the state of Texas might provide the Berkeley Boys the
opportunity to make a statement to the nation AND the Lone Star
State.  However, one must not forget that the Red Raiders of Tech are
a dangerous and explosive football team.  These guys are not to be
screwed around with, and a slow start when playing Texas Tech can be
fatal.  California IS, in my opinion, a top-level college team this
year, and they are probably deserving of a BCS trip.  But, they'd
best plan on, as Bruce Springsteen would sing, "proving it all
night".  If they don't and somehow find themselves on the short side
of (one of) Tech's patented 65-62 victories, Cal will find themselves
in this position again someday, namely out-whined in the media and
out-shined in the polls.  Cal by 6.

The Silicon Valley Classic
Troy vs Northern Illinois
I'd heard there was a crisis in the silicon chip industry, but I
didn't realize that it'd gotten THIS bad.  Troy versus Northern
Illinois, playing out in the Silicon Valley???  It doesn't take much
of a processor to see where this is leading.  I see more empty seats
than a Commodore 64 users' convention.  Trojans by 3.


Friday, December 31
The Music City Bowl
Alabama vs Minnesota
In this, his second season in Tuscaloosa, it's coming close to time
for Coach Mike Shula to face the old alumni music.  Mikey's time is
shorter than he'd imagine, especially with Auburn waltzing into New
Orleans undefeated and probably deserving a share of the national
title.  OK, I'll stop with the dance references, because those of you
who matter know I'm not a very good dancer.  Back to music....Alabama
and her fans are not prepared to play second fiddle to state-rival
Auburn for long.  It is expected for the Tide to win, and to win
big.  Now back to talk of music and fiddles.  (For you Californians
reading my newsletter, a fiddle is kind of the same thing as a
violin, only it's used to play music that you can dance to).
Alabama's Crimson Tide has again found themselves invited to
Nashville's Music City Bowl.  Their opponents, the Golden Gophers of
Minnesota, are coming down south, hoping themselves to have another
OPRYtunity to close the season on a high note.  It's hard to say
who's going to call the winnin' square dance Friday night.  The
Gophers are a running team, and Bama is hell on a rushing attack.
(Just ask undefeated Auburn...) Minnesota's defense isn't that solid,
but they'll get the night off when they face the Tide's vanilla
attack.  So in calling this game, it's really "name that tune".  Look
for the Alabama fans to be the ones singing a victory tune while the
Gophers grind out the blues.  Alabammy by 3.

The Sun Bowl
Arizona State vs Purdue
The participants in this year's Sun Bowl remind me of that old
Forrest Gump line about opening up a box of chocolates.  With Purdue
and Arizona State, you never really knew what you'd get week in and
week out.  Up and down doesn't begin to describe the Boilermaker and
Sun Devil fortunes in 2004.  When two unpredictable squads such as
these hook up, a prognosticator has to rake up some seed of
consistency upon which to base a pick, and I believe I've found it.
It's Kyle Orton, the PU quarterback.  When he played, the
Boilermakers were world-beaters.  When he didn't they were just "PU",
shall we say.  Seeing as how Kyle should suit up in El Paso, I think
he'll throw enough "el touchdown passos" to lasso a post-season win
for Joe Tiller and crew, unless of course Arizona State picks THIS
game to morph into a superteam again.  Let's assume that they won't,
though. Purdue by 4.

The Liberty Bowl
Boise State vs Louisville
Only the Orange Bowl matches teams with better records than the
Liberty Bowl.  And considering the offensive firepower of both BSU
and UL, this year's Memphis Classic could be one for the ages.  For
the first time in a decade, I'm looking forward to the Liberty Bowl.
Louisville closes out their Conference-USA career in this game,
moving on next year to the supposedly-BCS worthy Big East.  And
speaking of the BCS, if the Cardinals had somehow avoided the last
second folderoo down in Miami back in October, they'd perhaps be "the
Utah" for this year. Across the line, we find the Boise State
Broncos, who have NEVER lost a bowl game.  NEVER.  Gee, that seems
like a bit of a lock on picking a game, doesn't it?  But then again,
BSU has never PLAYED a bowl game that wasn't held on their home
field....that horrid blue field up in Idaho.  Something tells me that
this year's site and opponent might add up to the first bowl loss in
Bronco history.  I see it being a high scoring contest, but not
necessarily THAT close.  Louisville knocks out two of Boise State's
undefeated records on Friday night, as they hand the Broncos their
first (ever) bowl loss AND their first loss of 2004.  Cardinals by 10.

The Peach Bowl
Miami vs Florida
Three years ago, Miami played in the Rose Bowl, winning a national
championship and routing Nebraska.  Two years ago, the `Canes played
Ohio State in the Fiesta Bowl.  Although heavy underdogs, OSU and
their flash in the pan freshman sensation and occasional class
attendee Maurice Clarett managed to prevail in a historic upset.
That gave Miami ONE loss for the year.  One year ago, Miami fell
apart and lost two games late in the season, but managed to secure a
BCS spot in their hometown Orange Bowl Classic.  It was their good
fortune to line up their favorite punching bags (Florida State) for
that game, which they won.  THIS year, it's another step backwards
for the Hurricanes, as they finish the regular season with three
losses.  This is especially galling considering that they were once
favored to line up against SOMEBODY in the Orange Bowl title game.
This year, there's not even a BCS nod.  Larry Coker and his staff
seem puzzled, and are looking for answers.  Unfortunately for the
coach, he doesn't have a semi-literate offensive coordinator and/or
son to blame, so the Hurricane flops have to be more closely
examined.  Their Peach Bowl opponents are their OTHER cross-state
rivals, the Florida Gators.  UF fired their coach mid-way through the
season, and then finished the year with a better record than last
season, including a first-time-in-years win over FSU in Tallahassee.
(That's something UF and UM seem to have in common, the ability to
stifle FSU's offense.  Gotta love that Jeff Bowden. :) It's hard to
know which Gator team or attitude will show up in Atlanta.  Coach Ron
Zook has moved on to Illinois, and the Gators will be led by
defensive coordinator Charlie Strong, and I have to truly wonder
about THAT choice.  Isn't a porous defense the reason UF didn't win
the SEC-East this year?  Oh well, other than pride, this game is one
the Gators are just looking to be done with, so that they can move
into their project of Urban renewal. :) So look for this rivalry to
show a little less fire than you'd expect, with Florida in a holding
pattern, so to speak.  I see the Hurricanes winning this one a little
more easily than most expect, avoiding a fourth loss in 2004.  And
FWIW, here's hoping that their "one more loss every year" pattern
continues into 2005.   Miami by 9.

OK, folks.... have yourselves a great New Year's celebration.  Stay
safe.  I need you putzes alive for one more round of bowl picks after
this one.  My next and final treatise for this season will be out in
a few days, and will pick the winners in the January bowl games.  But
as always, I do plan to do this Prophet gig again next fall.  Seems
like I'll be doing this forever, or more correctly forever and a day.

Happy New Year.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
  THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
  College Football's's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
  © 2004  P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
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Another pothole on the information superhighway,
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http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2004 SEASON

GAMES FORECAST  292
GAMES CORRECT    209
PCT CORRECT      71.6%

OK, here I go....edging into the bowl season.  I know it's hard to
believe, but I usually do much better with regular season games.  The
bowls usually tear me to shreds.  Maybe this year will reverse the
recent trend, especially since I've been so shoddy on my regular-
season picks.

We'll start out with the itty-bitty bowl games, the ones being played
up through Christmas Eve.  As my usual form of protest, I have again
skipped making a pick on the annual New Orleans Bowl, otherwise known
of as the North Texas invitational.  Until the folks at the (as I
call it) NO Bowl start scheduling their game a little later and/or
find some matchup I find remotely exciting, I'm going to keep saying
NO.  And besides, I would have called Southern Miss a winner in a
rout, so it would have been too easy. : )

OK, let's see what we have up through "the night before
Christmas".....

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December 21 (Tuesday)
The Champ Sports Bowl
Syracuse vs Georgia Tech
If you want hard evidence that there are TOO many bowl games, here is
exhibit A.  Both Syracuse and Georgia Tech did everything within
their gridiron power to remain non-factors in their respective
conference races.  Syracuse even threw in a opening out-of-conference
blow-out loss to keep things interesting.  An election year
thought..... if I were running for office, I'd get Paul Pasqualone,
the SU coach, to be my campaign manager.  He just received yet
another in a long line of "votes of confidence" from the hierarchy at
Syracuse, apparently on the strength of nailing down yet another
extremely minor bowl appearance.  Whatever Paul is selling, the folks
in the ivory towers keep buying it.  So riding his questionable
coattails, I see the Orangemen electing themselves one more win to
close out 2004, with the undermanned and bewildering Georgia Tech
Yellowjackets supplying some supposed opposition.  Have you ever
heard the old joke (I probably have used it) about "I can't decide if
so-and-so is the best mediocre team in America, or the most mediocre
good team"?  Well, Georgia Tech is an average team that borders on
mediocre, with heavy overtones of underachievement.  Sounds like a
reason to tune in on Tuesday night, doesn't it?  Then again, some of
US might need to test out new HDTV monitors. <G>  Syracuse by 4.

December 22 (Wednesday)
The GMAC Bowl
Bowling Green vs Memphis
GMAC represents the money laundering, oops I meant lending, arm of
the General Motors Corporation, and the proud (I suppose) sponsors of
the GMAC Bowl.  As far as car loans go, I see where interests are
headed in an upward direction.  Sadly, the same cannot be said for
interest in the pairing of Bowling Green and Memphis on this
Wednesday evening.  I'll admit that I'll certainly end up watching
this game, being one of those bozos who's hot to try out his new
HDTV.  Did I mention that I'd bought one? <g>  But, if not for those
1980 lines of resolution, I'd probably rather watch an old Bing
Crosby Christmas special.  You gotta love a guy who dies on a golf
course, I always say.  Bowling Green by 6.


December 23 (Thursday)
The Fort Worth Bowl
Marshall vs Cincinnati
Did I mention that I am getting a new HDTV?  Man, the picture is
incredible....and the details.  It's too tuff, as the Jamaicans would
say.  Maybe the terrific resolution and the progressive image
scanning, not to mention the multiple video component inputs, can
explain to me how in the world Marshall and Cincinnati have found
themselves spending Christmas week in the stockyard town of Fort
Worth.  It really doesn't seem like a natural matchup, or even one
that would mildly interest the cowboys in north Texas.  As many of
you may realize, Fort Worth IS a cow-punching kind of town.  Speaking
of punches, look for Marshall to throw a haymaker in the Bearcats'
direction on Thursday evening.  UC threw a few decent jabs this year,
but for the most part, I see them more as punching bags than
punchers.  Down for the count, call this a 8 point Cincinnati loss.

The Las Vegas Bowl
Wyoming vs UCLA
Looks like the biggest gamblers in Vegas this Thursday might be the
athletic brass at UCLA.  The Westwood management has chosen to roll
the dice, extending Karl Donnan's contact for another two years.  The
move may eventually pay big or crap out, but I see the immediate
consistency and stability being beneficial in the preparation for
this game.  UCLA's opposition, the Cowboys of Wyoming, are riding
into town bent on ropin' a passel of conference pride for the
Mountain West.  But, the non-BCS world will have to get their kicks
from Utah in the Fiesta Bowl, as I see the `Ruins ruining Christmas
for the Cowpokes in Vegas.  UCLA by 5.

December 24 (Friday)
The Hawaii Bowl
UAB vs Hawaii
There are some things about the holidays that always seem to
surface.  They're as predictable as hell, but you still find
annoyance or at least gallows humor in their occurrence.  Running out
of scotch tape while wrapping presents.  Getting your tax packet from
the scumbags at the IRS.  Running into your seventeenth Santa Claus
of the day before 11:00 am. Reading those horrid words "some assembly
required" on Christmas Eve.   Noticing that Hawaii is playing in the
Hawaii Bowl.   As for the last item, I don't suppose it really
belongs in the same class as mail from the government about taxes,
but it does beg the question.  Is there a reason, other than
location, that they call it the "Hawaii" Bowl?  (Just as a point of
debate, I wonder if the kids at Hawaii would be more excited to go
somewhere ELSE during bowl season?)  Let's just say that this
football game has an appropriate name.  This year's luau leftovers
are the Blazers of UAB, coming from faraway Alabama.  The boys from
Conference USA may not be household names, but they've actually won
before the ball is even teed up in Honolulu.  First of all, they are
spending Christmas in freaking Hawaii.  It could have been Boise,
Idaho or maybe ever some hell hole like Detroit.  But no, they drew
the card of life....Hawaii in December.  Heaven.  And second, it
can't hurt your recruiting efforts to send postcards to any undecided
high school seniors from Waikiki Beach, so long as you don't mention
the actual score or result of the game.  Look for slingin' Timmy
Chang to light it up one more time.  In a shootout, Hawaii by 6.

OK folks, have yourselves a Merry Little Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa
or even just a fine weekend if you don't do any holidays per se.  See
you soon with some picks in those bowl games that you've actually
heard of.  :)

Did I mention my new HDTV receiver? <g>

SIY708LOMLILYMKCPC91URSFH9191AYERSJOSEDTREE1209SITILYF

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
  THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
  College Football's's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
  © 2004  P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2004 SEASON

GAMES FORECAST  283
GAMES CORRECT    204
PCT CORRECT      72.1%

OK, this is the last regular season series of picks.  I hope you've
all enjoyed reading my trash as much as I've enjoyed writing it.
Hmmmm, not sure what that actually means.  Let's finish up with a few
rivalries, a hurricane washout and some conference title tilts.  In a
few weeks, we'll be back with the season-ending bowl picks, or should
I say the annual Bowl Selection Fiasco. :) Maybe this is the year
I'll get more than half of them right.  Maybe not.

So, I'll try to figure out the games, and you guys go out and shop.
The economy needs you, so spend spend spend.  And remember, I prefer
white gold. : )
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Pittsburgh at South Florida
If you want to grasp what is terribly, terribly wrong about all of
the BCS nonsense, picture this...  It's New Year's Day.  You tied one
on bigtime last night.  You crawl out of bed at about noon and you
drink some black coffee.  Your head is pounding like a jackhammer and
for some reason you turn on television to watch a football game.
There, on New Year's Day in a BCS Bowl, you see the "mediocre at
best" Pitt Panthers, champions of the decimated Big Least
Conference.  You go back to bed and pray that it was only a bad
dream, which it kind of is.  Speaking of dreams, "us" BCS haters
would love to see a South Florida win in THIS supposedly meaningless
final regular season game to further tarnish somebody's big bowl
game.  And knowing the Panthers' propensity to underachieve, it COULD
happen.  But nahhhhh.. Not this time.  Pittsburgh by 9, and then it's
on to Tempe.   Hell, they'll probably end up flying first class,
too.  There is no God.  Sigh.

Louisville at Tulane
The Big Easy Green Wave would love to ruffle the feathers of the
newly-crowned 2004 champs of Conference USA, the Louisville
Cardinals.  But seeing as how UL probably deserves the label of "best
team not playing in the BCS this year", I'd say there's little chance
of this roadie turning into any kind of Superdome birdbath.  Look for
Bobby Petrino and company to surf the Green Wave with ease to
please.  Cardinals by 21.

Army at Navy
Without getting overly sentimental, there ARE no losers when Army and
Navy take the field.  These two teams represent the finest our
country has to offer, and I am proud to be a fan of both squads.  But
since I have to pick a team in this game, I'm going to go with spirit
and determination over good sense.  I believe that new Cadet Coach
Bobby Ross is restoring a sense of special pride to West Point
football, and that better Army gridiron days are just over the next
ridge.  Look for them to win another early skirmish in the Ross era
with an upset victory over the Naval Academy.  Let's call it Cadets
by 1.  God bless both teams, too.  We are proud of you all.

Michigan State at Hawaii
Michigan State is one of those teams that I literally have grown to
hate.  They're up and down at the most inopportune moments.  Picking
their games is tougher than figuring out how to cash in frequent
flyer miles, and that's damned near impossible, especially on United
Air Lines.  Those (UAL) clowns charge $15 just to talk to you.
Perhaps I should start charging Michigan State when I pick their
games. The trouble is that no amount would actually make it worth my
while.  Oh well, this is probably their last shot at me for 2004.
Spartans by 7.  Good riddance and Aloha!

USC at UCLA
This truly has been a magical season for Pete Carroll and his USC
Trojans.  Not only are they about to earn a trip to play in Miami's
Orange Bowl for the national title, they get to warm up for their
eastern journey by also winning (in) the Rose Bowl.  As for the
Westwood Bearcubs, the closest they'll get to the BCS is up to their
local cable providers.  Look for SC to tune up for the OB by tuning
in on a conference rout of their crosstown rivals at UCLA.  Southern
California by 20.

California at Southern Miss
This game was supposed to be played early in the season.  But then,
Hurricane Ivan bore in on Mississippi and washed away the Cal Bears'
visit to Hattiesburg.   FWIW, you cannot imagine how thankful I am
that Ivan chose to attack Mississippi rather than my hometown of
Tallahassee.  No idea. :) Anyway, back at the time of my original
pick, I'd chosen USM in an upset, saying how dangerous a visit can
sometimes be to this neck of the woods.  As the season has gone on,
I've found the Cal Bears to be a better team than I'd imagined.  And,
I've considered Southern Miss to be somewhat of a disappointment.
Everything is telling me to make a switch on my September pick.  But,
sometimes you just gotta say what the hell, folks.  I'm picking the
Eagles anyway.  I think Cal is more concerned with how they stack up
against Texas in the BCS than how they match up with USM at the
Rock.  Look for Cal to learn that the deep south is no place to lose
your focus in college football.  In an upset, call it Southern
Mississippi by 2.

Virginia Tech at Miami
(The Unofficial ACC Title Game)
This year's ACC only has 11 teams, so there is no official "title
game" being played.  The NCAA, in their infinite wisdom, denied the
conference's request for an exemption from the "twelve team
conferences are the only ones who can have title games" rule.  But
the newly powerful ACC got the last laugh.  Their final game of the
season features the two teams at the top of the standings, and
they're playing on championship Saturday, ergo it is a "Championship
Game".   All that's really missing is some silly corporate sponsor.
Perhaps Viagra would be a good choice, because this is going to be a
HARD fought contest.  And Viagra might also be an appropriate sponsor
for Virginia Tech and Miami in their first ACC year, considering what
these two conference newbies have done to all the other members.  As
for this contest, look for the Hurricanes to stick it to the Hokies
from up north, as they take their formerly Big East rivalry to new
and more lucrative heights.  Miami by 7.

Colorado at Oklahoma
(The Big XII Title Game)
It seems like we were just at this point in the Big XII last year.
The OU Sooners were invincible, and winning the conference title game
was only a formality.  But then...the game was actually played.
Imagine my surprise when I tuned in to find Bob Stoopes' troops
playing "squeaky toy" to K-State's growling puppy?  (A side note....I
love squeaky toys) OK, this year's growling puppies are the CU
Buffaloes of Coach Gary Barnette.  When last I gave any serious
thought to Coach Gary and company, he was fighting for his job and
saying stupid things about female place kickers.  I really SHOULD pay
closer attention to what's happening in the Big XII North I guess.
Back to this year...  Can the unthinkable happen again?  Well, the
BCS sure as hell hopes so.  A lot of people think this one might be
closer than we'd imagine, but I disagree.  I look for Colorado to pay
for what K-State AND LSU did to Oklahoma last season.  In a game
perhaps even uglier than the SEC title game down in Atlanta, call
this one an easy Sooner win.  Oklahoma by 21.

Auburn at Tennessee
(The SEC Title Game)
I work at a hospital, as many of you know.  (At least for two more
weeks.....)  I've spent my career seeing blood, guts, sores, pain,
suffering and other such horrible sights.  Why am I telling you
this?  Well....  When I was getting ready to pick the Southeastern
Conference Championship game, which is a rematch between Tennessee
and Auburn, I had planned to watch a replay of the first game, played
up in Knoxville several months ago.  But, I just couldn't stand the
agony.  The carnage was so severe, so devastating, that it made me
sick to my stomach.  What Auburn did to Tennessee belonged on the
evening news, not on ESPN.  I see nothing in the first encounter to
give me any reason to believe that round two will be any different.
Look for another ugly beating of the Orange-clad Vols.  The UT
faithful had best bring some white flags to Atlanta. They'll need
them again.  Auburn by 14.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
  THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
  College Football's's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
  © 2004  P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2004 SEASON

GAMES FORECAST  270
GAMES CORRECT    195
PCT CORRECT      72.2%

Well, if you completely ignore my recent lack of prognostication
skills, I have so much to be thankful for this year, my faithful
readers.  Many changes have and are occurring in my life, and without
fail they're all for the better.  So as long we talk about anything
other than Jeff Bowden, I'm generally a pretty happy guy these days.
I hope life has been good for all of you and that you enjoy giving
thanks with your family and friends during this holiday season.

= = 1 = 2 = 3 = 4 = = = = = = = = = = = = 9 = 1 = 9 = 1 = = = =

Thursday, November 25
Thanksgiving Day   (Have a great one, everybody!)

West Virginia at Pittsburgh
The battle between the Mountaineers and Panthers is a long-simmering
rivalry.  The series stretches far beyond the life of the Big East
conference, and goes by the nickname of "The Backyard Brawl".  Before
this season began, both Pittsburgh and West Virginia had hoped to be
the conference BCS representative.  But that was before both clubs
littered their backyard(s) with unexpected and troubling losses.
This game means little on the national scene, but it's still burnin'
hot up in coal country.  Look for Rich Rodriguez' Hillbilly Tribe to
be positively uncouth with their big-city table manners this
Thanksgiving afternoon in the Steel City.  WVU will wipe their mouths
on their jerseys before they wipe the field with the hometown Cats.
Mountaineers by 10.

Friday, November 26
Colorado at Nebraska
The Big 12 and ABC television just can't seem to get set for the post-
Thanksgiving Friday game.  Both entities want to feature a showcase
contest, something compelling that will grab the public by their
collective necks.  For years, it was Nebraska and Oklahoma.  But then
Barry Switzer went to the NFL (or jail..I can't actually remember)
and OU football fell apart.  The game became a laugher for Big Red
and everyone looked elsewhere.  Enter the Colorado Buffaloes, who'd
just recently won themselves a national title, with a little help
from an official who couldn't count downs.  The schedule gets jimmied
around and suddenly CU and NU are meeting on the Friday after Turkey
Day.  But by this time, the evil Bob Stoopes had moved to Norman and
OU became dominant again.  At the same time, the Cornhuskers decided
to trash the power football that has been their bread and butter for
eons and fell on hard times.  Meanwhile, Colorado's athletic
department started to resemble a Russ Meyer casting couch and the
Buffs became extinct in the Big XII north.  Before the conference can
even think of replacing either CU or NU with K-State, the Wildcats
lost their claws and started losing games to Marshall and such,
paving the way to the incredibly weird idea of Iowa State playing for
the conference championship.  Just TRY and figure any of this
nonsense, right?  But before we continue to laugh at the ineptitude
of the network and conference to anticipate what will be the annual
big game, maybe Nebraska and Colorado ARE the perfect choice right
after Thanksgiving.  Leftovers ARE usually the call of the day,
right?  Heat the gravy, maw, and put it on some cornbread stuffin'.
And while you're at it, can I have another turkey sammich? (Southern
talk for sandwich) Colorado by 1.

Texas A&M at Texas
Texas A&M's school of agricultural science and home economics is a
literal plethora of food and nutritional information. And recipes?
My goodness, these folks know how to whip up a spread, I tell you
what.  (King of the Hill talk, folks...)  But on Saturday, Mack Brown
and his beefy Longhorns may have a new take on "stuffing" that
they'll share with the A&M guys.  And, most of the stuffing will
involve stuffing the ball into the hands of Cedric Benson.   Assuming
that Cedric can hang onto said ball, and also assuming that Mack
Brown doesn't coach his club out of a home win, I see the Steak Squad
getting it done in Memorial Stadium, as the Aggies find themselves
going vegetarian on THIS Friday.  Texas by 3.


Saturday, November 27
Kentucky at Tennessee
The states of Tennessee and Kentucky have a long rivalry, although
football isn't at the center of the dispute.  The true war is over
who distills the best hard spirits.  Kentucky Bourbon or Tennessee
sippin' whiskey.  Take your pick, folks.  As we Southern boys would
say, ain't no bad thing about neither one, actually.  UK's Wildcats
are showing up only because they are contractually obligated.
(Lawyer talk, folks...)  Now that basketball season has kicked off
(oops, football talk...sorry), the locals back home in Lexington are
glued to the exploits of Tubby Smith's hoop squad.  They'll catch the
score of this one in the Sunday papers, somewhere deep on page 14 of
the sports section.  As for Tennessee, Phil Fulmer's squad has
finally stumbled into the SEC title game in Atlanta.  From the
fiddling around the Volunteers have done in recent weeks, one would
get the idea that they're not that hip on the idea of getting mauled
by Auburn again.  Oh well, let's get back to the whiskey thing.  Win
or lose, UT is in the title game.  But a loss at home to Kentucky
would have some Orange maniacs in a mood to put Fulmer and his staff
into oak barrels for a few years' aging, if you catch my drift.  Win
Tennessee must and win they will.  Call it by tipsy 12 points or so.

Virginia at Virginia Tech
Virginia has had a great season, if you'd just ignore anything
involving the state of Florida.  The Cavs are fast becoming the
German tourists of college football....foreign fodder for Sunshine
State bullies.  This weekend's opponent is situated nowhere near the
Gulf of Mexico, but they're still bullies in their own right.  Very
quietly, Frank Beamer's Hokies have become THE team to beat in the
ACC.  Now, this may well mean that some team is going to beat them
pretty soon, and I might have to agree.  But as they say, pride goes
before a fall.  This weekend, state pride lifts Tech to a win over
UVA, call it by 9.  Next weekend could bring the fall down in, you
guessed it, Florida.

Syracuse at Boston College
It's barely past Thanksgiving, but according to Madison Avenue, that
puts us squarely in the Christmas shopping season.  Paul Pasqualone
and his Syracuse Orangemen have done a little early browsing and have
found the perfect Big East going-way gift for the Boston College
Eagles.  SU heads into Chestnut Hill carrying the keys to the BCS,
and the locals will be pleasantly surprised how easily they'll give
them up.  This contest will, even in defeat, offer future hope to the
Syracuse program.  If only a few more team will depart for richer
conferences, the Orange may someday have a shot at the big time.
Until then, they'll continue doing the gridiron equivalent of giving
golden anklets to pretty girls on championship Saturdays.  BC by 12.

Missouri at Iowa State
Remember early in the year when quite a few pundits were calling 2004
the "year of the Mizzou Tiger" in the Big XII north?  I bet those
guys are going into the witness protection program now.  And, don't
you think it's about time we let those four folks who said that Iowa
State would be north division champs out of the Midwestern Institute
for the Desperately Insane?  Cyclones by 7.  This year has just been
FULL of wonderful surprises!   (And, special congratulations to my
friend and ISU fan, the Lone Clone!)

Northwestern at Hawaii
An astronomical SAT is required for entry into Northwestern
University.  Surprisingly and refreshingly, this is also somewhat
true for the scholarship athletes.  And from where I sit, the
athletic director is no dumb bunny either.  Ending one's season on
Waikiki is always a good plan....even when you get upset by an
outlandish offense and a pass-crazy kid named Chang.  Hawaii by
3.

Mississippi St. at Mississippi
For reasons that escape me on an annual basis, the Ole Miss-
Mississippi State game is called "The Egg Bowl".  And for the
Bulldogs, the egg analogy might be eggactly accurate.  After Jackie
Sherrill's last few years as coach, MSU was in no better shape than
poor old Humpty Dumpty.  Enter new coach Sylvester Crooms, minus any
king's horses or king's men, trying to do yeoman's duty in rebuilding
State.  And by golly I can see some progress, so long as I forget
about that ugly little loss to Maine a few weeks ago.  The Dogs may
not be quite ready to scramble the Rebel's eggs in a big way, but I
can see them poaching themselves a little upset win in Oxford.  MSU
raids the hen house on Saturday, call it Dogs by 2.

Georgia Tech at Georgia
I read where the school administrations at Georgia Tech and Georgia
are "taking steps" to insure a more civil tone in their heated
rivalry.  The recent events up the road in hickville, oops I meant
Clemson, have gotten quite a few educators, fans and players on
edge.  Now I'm not making light of the Yellowjackets' and Bulldogs'
desire to batter the living daylights out of each other.  But
compared to Clemson and South Carolina, this game is a church
social.  And speaking of church, look for a bunch of guys wearing
red, black, silver and white on Saturday to spend next year playing
football on Sundays.  But for this last weekend of the regular
college season, they're gonna do their preaching on Saturday to the
visitors from Atlanta.  And FWIW, a scary sermon it's a gonna be.
Georgia by 14.

Fresno State at San Jose State
Didn't San Jose State's coach Fitz Hill just resign?  Well, he may
not have been much of a coach, but you gotta admire his timing.  With
Fresno State headed into San Jose, the time for getting out couldn't
be better.  Fitz and company are heading for the hills as Fresno
State and Coach Pat Hill rush in for a conference laugher.  And just
to clear things up, I've occasionally been accused of ridiculing the
fine city of San Jose.  Sure, their freeways are only slightly better
maintained than the Appian Way.  Sure, their airport STILL doesn't
have jetways for deplaning.  But, that's no reason to ride poor San
Jose.  They're big time, folks.  I hear they have a Marriott,
although the wireless internet system is non-functional.  FSU West by
16.

Boise State at Nevada
I see where this ultra-successful 2004 season has led to BSU Coach
Dan Hawkins and his staff getting huge pay increases and bonuses.
And, from where I sit, they certainly deserve it.  If nothing else,
staff should receive ocular regeneration pay just for having to look
at that ghastly blue football field six times a year.  As for my pick
on this game, let's just say that nothing that will occur should lead
to any shift upward in the Nevada coaching staff's tax bracket.
Keeping the Wolfpack leadership safe from the alternative minimum
tax, call it BSU Broncos by 16.

Notre Dame at USC
It's always a classic match when the Trojans and Fighting Irish hook
up for football.  Some of the most memorable games ever played have
been USC and Notre Dame clashes.  So many names, faces and history.
This season's tilt automatically fits into the "you never know
category" just because of the rivalry and relative team
performances.  The Trojans are unbeaten and leading the polls, but
they've had their close shaves, specifically the Stanford and
California games.  Cal is excusable, but God knows how the Cardinal
stayed on the same field as Reggie Bush and company.  As for Notre
Dame, we're talking about a team that can lose to Pittsburgh and yet
beat Michigan and Tennessee.  You just never know what rabbit Ty
Willingham and his magic leprechauns will pull out of their hats.
But on THIS Saturday, I just don't see any funny business in the
Coliseum.  The Irish may start with a little dance, but look for the
Trojans to kick them in the shamrocks in a hurry.  Seeing an extra
helping of stars with their clovers, moons, diamonds and hearts,
Notre Dame shows up short of Lucky Charms in the city of Angels.  USC
by 10.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
  THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
  College Fooll's's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
  © 2004  P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
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Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2004 SEASON

GAMES FORECAST  253
GAMES CORRECT    183
PCT CORRECT      72.3%

Well, you can sure tell that football was the furthest thing from my
mind last week.  I'm coming off perhaps my worst regular season week
ever for Prophet predictions.  Perhaps my little week-long jaunt out
to California will still, by this weekend, have lubricated my mind to
the point that I can start picking some winners.  I won't complain,
though.  Picking a bunch of losing teams in the previous Prophet was
about the only part of last week's sabbatical that wasn't terrific.
It is, after all, only football.   What would YOU rather do, research
football statistics, or lay around Laguna Beach for a few days?  I
knew you'd make your choice.  Did I mention the daily manager's wine
reception? :)

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Thursday, November 18
Maryland at Virginia Tech
The Hokies are one of two remaining ACC teams having their destiny
within their complete control, or as they say "in their own hands".
For the most part, such self-determination has led to a rash of
suicidal tendencies in the new and expanded Atlantic Coast
Conference, and we'll have to see how Tech deals with the
responsibility and power.  Assuming that the Hokies concern
themselves with winning their last conference tilts one game at a
time, I see no reason to wrest destiny from Blacksburg's city limits
on this Thursday night.  VaTech by 7.

Saturday, November 20
Oklahoma at Baylor
A lot was made of the BCS implication of last weekend's Oklahoma-
Nebraska tussle.  It was said that the Sooners weren't actually
playing the Cornhuskers, but were really shadow boxing with Auburn,
who was playing some 1500 miles away.   After a 27 point whipping of
Nebraska, Sooner Nation apprehensively waited for news from the
computer nerds on Sunday, and were relieved to find that they'd
beaten the Huskers badly enough to remain in the BCS' top two.  This
Saturday's contest will offer a much greater challenge.  Am I saying
that Oklahoma might lose?  Oh my goodness, no.  BUT....beating a
sorry team like Baylor badly enough to impress a bunch of computer
geeks might prove an insurmountable task.  But give Bob Stoopes and
company credit for trying.  Oklahoma by 28.

Wake Forest at Miami
Many folks figured that the Hurricanes would easily win the ACC crown
in their first campaign, especially after the opening win over
Florida State.  But it's proved tougher than was anticipated.  The
funny part is that Miami keeps winning the big games.  NC State?
Virginia?  The Seminoles?  No problemo...just another day's work for
the Horrorcanes.  But, show them North Carolina or Clemson and they
fold up like a K-Mart lawn chair.  So, forgive the five or six
hundred true UM fans if they shudder as yet another state of North
Carolina (supposed) lightweight waddles into the Orange Bowl.  South
Florida may learn what most of the conference already knows, namely
that Wake Forest is much peskier than one would imagine.  Their
deliberate style of offense can drive high powered foes mad with
frustration.  But unfortunately for the visitors from Winston-Salem,
the Canes will also learn the Deacons' dirty little secret, namely
their atrocious lack of depth.  Look for Wake to run out of bodies by
early in the third quarter, which paves the way for another easy
Miami victory.  Hurricanes by 21.

Wisconsin at Iowa
Well, they did me again, folks.  How in the hell does an undefeated
Wisconsin fold up shop so completely and get themselves annihilated
by the only slightly above average at best Michigan State Spartans?
I've given up all hope of getting any UW games right this year, so my
only recourse is revenge.   Therefore, I'm picking the Badgers to win
every game from now on. That way, they'll keep losing.  Go Badgers.
Go indeed.  :^/   Wisconsin by 1.

BYU at Utah
The Utes just keep hanging around, continuing to threaten the BCS
party.  For a while, it looked as if the computers would slowly bury
Urban Meyer's tribe in a layer of schedule mediocrity silt.  But
then, clown squads like Wisconsin start getting themselves beaten by
the likes of Michigan State, by five touchdowns no less.  So, here we
are back looking for a way to rid college football's royal court of
the Utah Utes.  How funny that the last, best hope for doing so rests
with the LAST team to crash the National Championship party for the
smaller conferences?  Remember when BYU stormed to a title by edging
a 6-5 Michigan club in the 1984 Holiday Bowl?  Well, that ain't gonna
happen for UU in 2004.  First of all, they're not going to find
themselves playing any 6-5 teams in a meaningful game.  And second,
whichever BCS bowl they slither into, it won't be the one in Miami,
so there should be no national title.  But in the battle for the
state of Utah, things will be coming up roses, albeit without an
accompanying "bowl", in Salt Lake City on Saturday.  Utes by 17.

Indiana at Purdue
This annual struggle is considered the battle for the "old oaken
bucket".  And, that should definitely favor the Purdue Boilermakers,
who've been pretty much basket cases since they fell from the ranks
of the undefeated some five weeks ago.  PU did, however, quell the
stench of their losing streak by upsetting Ohio State last Saturday.
So perhaps Joe TILLER's MEN are ready to "TEA" it up (very subtle Cat
Stevens joke...I know that it should be spelled "tee") in West
Lafayette.  Let's give those Boilermakers a bucket.  Purdue by 14.

Virginia at Georgia Tech
Al Groh's Virginia Cavaliers have done pretty much everything asked
of them this season, except perhaps win a really meaningful football
game.  With the ACC title easily within their grasp, they clutched
their throats and succumbed in Charlottesville last weekend to Miami,
a disheartening loss to say the least.  So the question that we must
answer as UVA hits the road to Atlanta for this game is
this....what's left in the tank?  Some niggling feeling is telling me
that the Cavaliers are closer to empty than one might imagine, at
least for this game.  Running bone dry in Bobby Dodd, call this one
an upset, let's say Georgia Tech by 2.  And speaking of fuel, I now
know how strong my heart is.....I bought gasoline twice in California
and survived the sticker shock.  In Southern California, men don't
give the women they love long-stemmed roses, they buy them Mobil
Premium.

Mississippi at LSU
Many LSU fans consider the Mississippi Rebels to be their most hated
rival.  This seemed, at first, strange to me.  Most schools primarily
hate one of their in-state colleges the most.  But upon closer
examination, there's really nobody else IN Louisiana worth really
hating.  LSU can beat the living crap out of anything in the Bayou
state without breaking so much as a sweat.  Then again, that sentence
probably applies equally when you consider the 2004 Rebs.  Look for
Ole Miss to not offer much more resistance to the Tiger onslaught
than one of those Louisiana-Monroe-Lafayettish type outfits.  LSU by
21.

Michigan State at Penn State
Is this Joe Paterno's last game as head coach in State College?
Well, being a Florida State fan, I feel qualified to categorically
state "NO".  I have some experience with the nuances of tired, old
head coaches and their behavior towards retirement.  Bottom
line...neither Paterno or Bowden (at FSU) will retire until the other
guy quits or dies.  So, Nittany Lion fans will get a chance on this
final home Saturday to see what's in store for them in 2005 and
beyond....more conference losses.  Michigan State by 14.

South Carolina at Clemson
The annual Palmetto State pairing of the Tigers and Gamecocks insures
that something good will happen Saturday in South Carolina.  Last
weekend, Clemson tuned up for the USC clash by losing to pitiful
Duke.  I'll leave it to you, my trusted readers, to explain to me how
Clemson can beat Miami and then lose to Duke.  My beloved Seminoles
can't seem to do either. :^/  And Lou Holtz's South Carolina chickens
prepared for the trip to Clemson by making the Florida Gators look
like a BCS lock in a rout loss at Gainesville.  Speaking of rout
losses, do you suppose the `Cocks rememeber what Clemson did to them
last year in Columbia?  Look for USC to seek savage revenge on
Saturday, but as the Rolling Stones (who are only slightly younger
than Lou Holtz) once sang, "you can't always get what you want".
Look for Clemson and Tommy Bowden to get what they need in this game,
namely a win over their hated rivals from Columbia.  Clemson by 6.

Michigan at Ohio State
Remember when this game always determined who was going to the Rose
Bowl?  Well in 2004, the only mystery is whether it'll determine who
WON'T go west on New Year's Day.  The Michigan Wolverines need only
finish off Jim Tressel and the Ohio State Buckeyes to punch their
tickets to Pasadena.  The entire athletic program at Ohio State is in
such disarray, it's hard to imagine the Bucks offering much of an
obstacle to UM's travel itinerary.  But then again, making a good
pick often doesn't require any real imagination.....just a firm grip
on reality.  Look for Michigan to put a firm grip on Ohio State this
Saturday, as they shake themselves out a conference title.  Blue by 9.

Tennessee at Vanderbilt
Mark Richt and the Georgia Bulldogs still have an outside chance at
making the SEC title game.  But for such an event to happen, the
present leader in the east, Tennessee, would have to lose to both
Vanderbilt and Kentucky.  Now if it were any other team, the Bulldogs
would be looking into other arrangements for title Saturday.  But if
any squad is capable of the late-season collapse required to blow
games to the SEC's two dustiest doormats, it's Tennessee.  Look for
the Vol fans to get a little scare at first, followed by a fairly
solid win.  Vanderbilt is at home but they'll be the ones singing the
Nashville blues on Saturday.  Tennessee by 14.

Washington at Washington State
This annual battle between UW and Wazzoo has long been deemed "The
Apple Cup".  And for this season, it would be appropriate to
rechristen the chalice as the "Applesauce Cup", no matter which team
wins.  Neither the Huskies or Cougars have been feeding on any solid
Pac Ten food for most of 2004.  However, in making a call on this
Apple battle, I'd have to say that Wazzoo has more appeal (a peel?)
for me.  But FWIW, what in the hell is wrong with the state of
Washington these days?  These folks up in the Pacific NW used to play
some pretty decent football, didn't they?  What happened?   Look for
the Cougars to collect most of the Granny Smiths on Saturday.  WSU by
12.

Stanford at California
This year's version of "The Game" out in the Bay Area features a Cal
Bear squad with national aspirations.  It's not out of the realm of
possibility that the Berkeley Bunch could get a second chance at
Southern California down in Miami's Orange Bowl.  But first, they'll
have to finish off their misguided and troublesome little friends
from Palo Alto.  Twenty years ago, the Bears pulled a miraculous win
over the Cardinal, thanks in part to the inability of the Stanford
band to make a solid tackle on kick coverage.  I don't believe that
Cal will need any musical meltdowns to win this contest on Saturday.
Look for Stanford to be the ones facing the music, call in California
by 16.

Oregon at Oregon State
Oregon's unpredictable Ducks are flying over to a pond in Corvallis
on Saturday, and they'll find they locals to be an unfriendly bunch
of rodents.  OSU's Beavers didn't spend all fall damming up their
home waters to have them taken over by the green and gold clad quacks
from Eugene.  OU is, at times, a capable squad.  But, they've been
mighty schizoid in their week in and out performances.  And IMHO,
there's nothing freakier than a psychotic flock of ducks.  So
assuming that the Beavers have learned to kick extra points by this
point in the season, I see no reason the locals can't bag their
mallard and coot limit(s).  Oregon State by 12.

Auburn at Alabama
Even though it's no longer played in Birmingham, this game is still
called the Iron Bowl.  Alabama and Auburn almost always bring an iron-
tough brand of football to their annual clash.  This is never one of
those finesse games where teams try to trick each other.  The winner
of Alabama and Auburn is usually the team that does a better job of
knocking the other guys onto their collective asses.  If you like
smash-mouth football, this one is for you, and I'd suggest that you
grab a few brews and turn on in.  But, if you really like the
University of Alabama, you might want to slide over to another
channel.  Guess whose collective asses are going to spend more time
on the cold ground in Tuscaloosa?  The Tide's unwelcome guests are
bringing an unwelcome result, call this one Auburn by 14.

Florida at Florida State
Another deep south bloodbath to finish up the year in college
football.  This one features the Florida Gators and their lame-duck
coach Ron Zook heading into Tallahassee to face the FSU Seminoles and
their dead-duck offense.  Seminoles fans, who have been in a gloomy
state for several weeks, may fret that offensive coordinator Jeff "My
Daddy is the Coach" Bowden's offensive scheme is substandard for such
an important game, and with good reason.  But what the locals must
always remember is that the sight of the hated blue and orange almost
always brings out the best in the Seminoles.  And thanks to JB, most
FSU fans have no idea how good the Seminoles' best might actually
be.  I think we may see something better from the Garnet and Gold on
Saturday as Florida State goes three for three against rappin' Ron.
Seminoles by 7.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
  THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
  College Football's's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
  © 2004  P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2004 SEASON

GAMES FORECAST  232
GAMES CORRECT    171
PCT CORRECT      73.7%

I had an average performance last weekend, folks.  I did nail the
Notre Dame upset of Tennessee, and I was damned close on some of my
point spreads.  But as always, Michigan State diddled me, which
remains par for the course.  You may notice that Prophet is coming
out early this week.  That's because your humble Prophet is headed
west to sunny California in search of enlightenment and love.  OK,
the truth...just a business trip.  But, hopefully being in Pac Ten
territory might improve my view of the left coast.  We will see, but
until then, have a good week, kids.

91 = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = 91

Thursday, November 11
Florida State at N.C. State
Logic dictates that FSU is going to get themselves murdered this
Thursday night up in Raleigh.  The Seminoles have been about as far
from road warriors as you can get this year.  The ever-emotional
Chuck Amato can be counted on to have his Wolfpack howling at the
Thursday night moon when his old boss and team come into town.  This
supposedly permanent change to Wyatt Sexton at QB for FSU tempts me
to think in a more positive fashion.  But when I wipe away all my
hopes and dreams, I realize that "FSU on the road" continues to look
at lot like Yasser Arafat.  And since ol' Yasser seems to be circling
the drain, let's call this another close FSU loss.  NC State by 3.

Friday, November 12
Southern Miss at Memphis
Both the Eagles and Tigers found themselves on the short end of high
scoring games last week.  Conference USA is fast becoming an east of
the Mississippi version of the wild and wacky WAC.  How convenient
that these two freewheeling conferences hook up at year's end for the
Liberty Bowl.  If a game isn't going to mean anything, it might as
well be entertaining, right?  And speaking of games that won't mean
anything, other than pride of course, THIS one qualifies.  Since we
all know that Louisville will be the Liberty Bowl rep for CUSA, we
can still expect and enjoy an entertaining game when Memphis and
Southern Miss beat each other's brains out for a shot at the
Independence Bowl.  Seeing as how this one is being played close to
Beale Street, look for the Hattiesburg flock to get the Memphis Blues
again, as the Tigers leave the boys from Southern Miss "all shook
up".  Memphis by 6.

Hawaii at Fresno State
Hawaii QB Timmy Chang will leave school as the all-time NCAA passing
yardage leader.  A few weeks ago, he barely missed setting the record
on a trip to Boise State.  That's the good news.  The bad news is
that the Warriors lost that game by 66 points.  I guess our
grandparents were right when they said something about defense and
clock management winning championships.  ESPN2 is just hoping that
wild, gun-slinging offense will be enough to win viewers, at least on
this Friday night.  Chang will fly into town ready to pass, pass,
pass.  But look for the hometown Bulldogs to give him another dose of
that Boise State brand of lovin' down in the Valley on Friday night.
FSU-West by 12.

Saturday, November 13
Texas at Kansas
The Longhorns spotted Okie State a huge lead last weekend before they
finally kicked into high gear and roped a big win.  They'd best not
do the same rabbit out of a hat crap this weekend in Larryville.  Big
Mark Mangino's club has enough offense to make a mighty tall hill for
Texas to climb, should they choose to fool around for a while.  And,
the home crowd at KU won't be anywhere near as much help as the
Austin faithful were last weekend.  Look for Mack Zook to survive
another week's horrors.  Texas by 12.

Northwestern at Michigan
Northwestern has been one of the surprise clubs in the Big Ten,
winning game after game with a tough and tenacious style of
football.  They'll need every ounce of gridiron resilience to come
away from Ann Arbor with another conference "W" this Saturday.  In
truth, I see this being the end of what has been, up until now, a
very pleasant road for Northwestern.  Then again, I'm never really
surprised at anything the boys from Evanston cook up.  Wildcats can
do the strangest things.  But...no upsets in the Big House on
Saturday.  Michigan by 10.

Ohio State at Purdue
OK, I screwed up last weekend.  Some of you think that I do extensive
research on all of my picks.  But, the truth is that I sometimes just
pull `em out, so to speak.   (And you know where I'm pulling them out
of, too.)  Last weekend, I did NOT realize that Purdue QB Kyle Orton
was injured and would not play against Iowa.  Therefore, my lack of
information led to a poor decision in naming Purdue a winner.  As for
this weekend, I don't think it matters.  Ohio State should come away
with a victory, even on the road in West Lafayette.  And considering
the savagery of the Buckeye defense, Mr. Orton might want to phone in
sick for another week.  Ohio State by a bruising 8.

Alabama at LSU
During last weekend's Alabama-Mississippi State telecast, one of the
announcers said that "if Alabama had not lost Brodie Croyle, they'd
be a BCS team".  Are you completely nuts, Bill?  (I think it was Bill
Curry)   The Tide is doing better this season, and they are bowl-
eligible now.  But the truth is that they haven't beaten a single
good team.  Not one.  And even if Brodie Croyle were taking snaps
Saturday night in Baton Rouge, the Tide would've come up short.  Look
for Alabama to flash their "slightly above average at best"
credentials for this Saturday encounter on the bayou.  LSU isn't in
the running for the Orange Bowl this year, but they're still pretty
solid.  And more importantly, their fans are numerous, loud and
extremely drunk on Saturday nights.  It's a bad combination for Mike
Shula and company, I'd say.  LSU by 14.

South Carolina at Florida
When Gator boss Ron Zook was unceremoniously dumped a couple of weeks
ago, USC coach Lou Holtz was among the most outspokenly sympathetic.
And at the time, there were some Gamecock fans who thought maybe
Holtz should join the Zooker in the unemployment line.  There is,
after all, a "fire Lou Holtz" website, right?  But last Saturday's
win over Arkansas proved that the old goat still can chew a few
cans.  But, I hope he ate his share in the Razorback game.  Look for
the hometown Gators to kick Lou's can as they win another one for
rappin' but rejected Ronnie.  Florida by 7.

Texas Tech at Texas A&M
If they hadn't been so damned generous with the ball in their own
territory last weekend, the Aggies would have celebrated a huge upset
of mighty Oklahoma.  And although Sooner coach Bob Stoopes might
disagree, the close OU win has much less to do with Sooner character
than it does slippery Aggie fingers.  This weekend, look for Dennis
Frangione to remind his boys of the importance of holding onto a
football, especially within spitting distance of one's own goalpost.
As for this game, every sense of my being screams that A&M will
experience a letdown after coming so very close.  And, that IS a
distinct possibility.  But a more likely scenario is that the
turnover tables may be turned on Saturday, with Texas Tech being the
generous party.  Another game is going to slip away on Saturday in
College Station, but it's going to be slipping away from the visitors
and towards the Aggies.  A&M by 3.

Kansas State at Colorado
I read where six different teams have a chance at winning the Big XII
north title, and that HAS to be wrong.  CU is not going anywhere,
other than to criminal court, after this season is over, right?  So,
if six teams are still in the running for the trip to the title game,
some of them must be in other conferences.  Look for Bill Snyder's
Wildcats to claw a little further up on the north pole this
Saturday.  This seems to be my week for Wildcats.  K-State by 8.

Clemson at Duke
After huge wins over Maryland and Miami, this weekend's encounter AT
Duke is just the sort of meaningless game that can get a shaky-status
coach fired.  Losing to the Blue Devils would erase all memory of the
O.T. win in the Orange Bowl in the minds (using that term with a
grain of salt) of your average Tiger fan.  But, not to worry.  Duke
is pesky but not that all-fired dangerous.  Their only win of 2004
came over the Citadel, a school that hasn't won a meaningful battle
since they opened fire on Fort Sumter back in 1861.  Clemson by a
sloppy 14.

Boston College at West Virginia
Rich Rodriguez and his Mountaineers have BCS destiny in their own
hands.  All they have to do is win out, and it's a nifty trip to
Tempe or New Orleans on New Year's Day.  And there's one other little
factor that should guarantee a home hillbilly victory on Saturday.
The Big East conference WANTS West Virginia to win.  Why?  Because
crowning the Mountaineers conference champs would give the Big East
something in 2005 that they don't have now, namely a defending
conference king.  The Big Least doesn't want to see the last three or
four conference titles playing over in the ACC, you know.  West
Virginia by 6.

Utah at Wyoming
Ever hear of the term "a win-win" situation?  Well, it does not apply
for Urban Meyer and his Utah Utes on Saturday.  They'll win big up in
Laramie, but will continue to lose ground in the BCS standings, due
to that niggling little "strength of opponents" problem.  But, the
knowledge that even a win is a loss won't stop Utah from winning this
round of Cowboys and Indians.  UU by 24.

Arizona at USC
When this game ends, it'll seem like New Year's deja vu for Arizona
coach Mike Stoopes.  At the end of last year's Sugar Bowl, he watched
the best team in the country (...OK, Fred...ONE of the best teams in
the country) celebrating a big win.  Same scene in a different locale
on Saturday.  Arizona limps into LA to get bashed by Pete Carroll's
Trojans, and they'll get a good look at the number one team in
America.  Someday Mike's sideline may again be celebrating....but not
anytime real soon.  USC by 17.

California at Washington
The Bears fly north to Seattle, and they'll face the fear of every
good-weather offense-minded club... rain and cold.  Will the
Washington weather do in Cal's chances of a BCS date?  Maybe it will,
but then again...the weather up north may be rotten, but the Husky
football team literally reeks.  Washington simply isn't good enough
to take advantage of Mother Nature's help.  When it rains it pours,
so look for Cal to pour on another Pac Ten win.  Bears by 14.

Penn State at Indiana
Most people up in State College, Pennsylvania still agree that Joe
Paterno should be allowed to leave on his own terms.  The old man
should get to pick the time and date, regardless of how much worse
the PSU program becomes.  Now mind you, I said "most", but
not "all".  Look for quite a few more folks to switch sides on that
debate after another embarrassing loss on the Big Ten road.  Hoosiers
turn up the heat on old Joe, call it Indiana by 3.

UCLA at Oregon
Autzen Stadium may be nicknamed the "Duck Pond", but it's also
reputed to be a real bear trap for the likes of UCLA.  The Bruins
have been stumbling to an early hibernation recently, as evidenced by
last weekend's foldo against Washington State.  Look for this
Saturday's contest to be more compelling evidence that it's bedtime
in Westwood.  Oregon by 9.

Wisconsin at Michigan State
After what they've done to me all year, I can only wish the very
worst for John L. Williams and his damned Michigan State Spartans.
Folks, if I'd just not picked any MSU games this year, my percentage
would be at least 1-2% higher.  The green machine has literally
killed me with their schizoid play and last minute chokes.  So, I'm
going to call this one for Wisconsin by 14 points.  But in my heart,
I hope it's much, much worse.  OK, I admit it...I do carry a grudge.
Go Badgers.

Nebraska at Oklahoma
Nebraska and Oklahoma have played some unforgettable contests.  Back
in my childhood, I still remember the epic 1971 meeting at Norman,
which propelled the Huskers to another national title.
Unforgettable.  I'd love to say that this meeting could produce some
similar vein of drama, but I just CAN'T forget that this NU team lost
just last week to Iowa State. Iowa State??  Jeez, Louise.  I don't
know if Bob Devaney is dead, but if he is, he's turning in his
grave... and if he isn't, last week might have damn-near killed him,
assuming the 70 point game against Texas Tech didn't.  This game used
to be more fun when OU had a coach who talked about machine guns,
that lovable cad Barry Switzer.  But for this week, we'll just have
to watch the Sooners maul Nebraska while Coach Bob Stoopes keeps
telling us how almost losing at Texas A&M makes his team so great.
OU by 14.

Miami at Virginia
The Hurricanes are now finding out that the ACC isn't quite the
cakewalk that it seemed to be only three weekends ago.  Two
consecutive conference losses have the `Canes looking at vacation
plans in the Jacksonville or Atlanta area, rather than Miami or New
Orleans.  As for this pick, let's first remember this...  Nobody has
more talent than Miami.  And when they are focused and fired up,
you'd better get out of their way.  But I do believe Miami is now
infected with a little virus of self-doubt, based on the appearance
of symptomatic finger-pointing down in Coral Gables.  Believe me when
I say that nobody can do a better job of exploiting shattered
confidence than an old pro like Wahoo coach Al Groh.  If Miami looked
at any film of Florida State's unlikely crushing of Virginia three
weeks ago, they'd best forget what they saw.  UVA is a better
football team than recent Hurricane-conquerors Clemson and North
Carolina combined.  And, we haven't even discussed how much Miami
will love playing in cooler weather.  Three in a row?  Sure, it can
happen.  Virginia by 5.

Georgia at Auburn
After comparing Auburn and Georgia's relative performances against
Tennessee, it seems like a slam dunk to call this one a Tiger rout.
But before we do, one must remember that Mark Richt and the Bulldog
offense are among college football's best.  Georgia QB David Greene
didn't set the NCAA record for starting signal-caller wins last
weekend just with his good looks, you know.  So if any of you Auburn
fans are planning on another 30 point drubbing, you'd best readjust
your thinking.  But, there is good news for the folks on the Plains.
Georgia IS a fine offensive football team, but....  They like to
score quickly and in striking fashion.  The Tiger running attack is
the sort to gobble up yards and clock, leaving the talented Dawg
offense sitting on the sideline for long periods of time.  That will
lead to the football equivalent of performance anxiety, namely trying
to do too much, too fast.  And, that's the reason Georgia limps out
of Auburn with another SEC loss.  Closer than you'd think, but Auburn
stays undefeated.  Tigers by 4.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
  THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
  College Football's's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
  © 2004  P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2004 SEASON

GAMES FORECAST  210
GAMES CORRECT    155
PCT CORRECT      73.8%

Man, what a rough week.  Upsets galore, and the Prophet went down
hard with lots of them.  I came close on a couple of near-misses.  My
buddies at Michigan State teased and then hosed me once again.  Is it
any reason I love the Big Ten so much. :^/

OK, we try again this week.  One of these weeks, I'm liable to bust
out and have an 80% week.  And a special note to my pal "Unavailable
Dave", re his "the prophet needs to hang it up" suggestion.  You're
probably right.....but I'm gonna keep doing what I do.  There's no
good reason, it's just habit.   At least it's not one of those habits
that leads to blindness. : )

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Thursday, November 4
South Florida at UAB
Thursday night brings a TV hookup involving two of the south's up-and-
coming programs.  South Florida and the University of Alabama-
Birmingham have made serious and lasting commitments to playing
college football.  The day will come, maybe sooner than you'd think,
when both programs see time in the top-25.  As for this game, USF may
be bullish on their chances at Legion Field, but I wouldn't blindly
charge into the Blazers' little foundry.  Too much hometown heat
going up against a herd of cattle that's a step or two slower than
they need to be just might add up to a barbecue.  Smell that smoke,
y'all.  UAB by 10.

Louisville at Memphis
The Cardinals and Tigers have long desired to join the upper-echelon
of college football.  In their quest to do so, both schools have
participated in more than their share of conferences, some of which
are now defunct.  But, it's always seemed that no matter what,
Louisville and Memphis were floating in the same boat.  Metro
Conference, Conference USA.... Tigers versus Cardinals has always
been a rivalry.  But after this year, that's going to change, as UL
flies into the Big East in search of BCS birdseed.  So for this one
last family tussle, let's enjoy a long-time pairing that's given lots
of memories...most of which are in basketball. <g> The Tigers have
been somewhat of a disappointment in 2004, and a win over L'ullville
would go a long way towards easing the pain.  The Cards have been
more than up to snuff on almost every occasion, save one late quarter
in Miami. But it's funny how most of America remembers, in a positive
way actually, the Cardinal loss to Miami more than any of their
wins.  I'll leave it to all of you to figure out how UL could have
shut out a team (North Carolina) that later beat the Hurricanes.  For
now, just trust me in saying that Louisville will get the last laugh
on their long-time friends from down the river.  Cardinals by 14.

Saturday, November 6
Oklahoma at Texas A&M
I believe that both Texas A&M and Oklahoma got caught looking ahead
last weekend.  The mental letdown turned out to be costly for the
Aggies, as they stumbled over the sleeping Bears of Baylor.  Mighty
OU needed some heroic catches and a bit of darned good luck to escape
Bedlam unscathed.  As for this game, I think Dennis Frangione's
Aggies may find themselves looking back to last weekend again and
wondering why they didn't make hay while the sun was shining.  OU is
a black cloud on anyone's slate, even when playing at home.  Sooners
by 7.

Clemson at Miami
After a stumbling start, the Clemson Tigers are again winning
football games.  They still have an outside chance of becoming bowl-
eligible, which in itself is a clear indictment of the present
system.   Last year, a win over FSU saved Tommy Bowden's job.  Can it
happen two years in a row, folks?  Can Clemson again defeat a highly-
regarded conference foe from the state of Florida to again pull
Bowden's bacon outta the fire?  NO WAY.  Two reasons.  First of all,
Miami is seething over the collapse against paltry North Carolina
last Saturday, and would like nothing more than to take out their
frustrations on Clemson.  And unlike last year's game against FSU,
Tommy Bowden will not have the luxury of coaching against a team led
by his geriatric father and imaginatively-challenged younger
brother.  End result?  The Tigers pay for the Tar Heels' sins of the
previous week, as Miami rids the bowl scene of any purple Tigers for
2004.  Hurricanes by 17.

Duke at Florida State
This weekend is homecoming at FSU, and I can guarantee that the
alumni are not, as a whole, very happy with the football program
these days.  In fact, if it were not Duke coming in for a game this
Saturday, Coach Bowden and his staff might have been well served to
stay away from home an additional week or two.  As for what's
happening this week, consider a couple of interesting Seminole
tidbits.  First, Bowden the Elder has benched kicker Xavier Beitia
after yet another series of chokes in the Maryland game.  When asked
if the X man was his best kicker, Coach Bobby said
categorically, "sometimes".  Hmmm.  And as for quarterback, Division
1-A's winningest and least-motivated head coach has decided to again
recycle senior QB Chris Rix, a decision greeted in Tallahassee with
the same enthusiasm as a polio epidemic.  The thought of this game on
Saturday featuring CR running another of Jeff Bowden's great
offensive gameplans is scary enough.  Factor in an untested kicker
THIS LATE IN THE YEAR, and it's terrifying.  Apparently the FOX
network is not the only folks who don't realize that Halloween was
last Sunday.  Good thing the opponent this weekend is only Duke, or
I'd be ready to write off the Noles.  But, Duke is Duke and God
Bless `em.   Was there ever a team more suited to being a homecoming
opponent?  Seminoles by 20.

Minnesota at Wisconsin
As most of you know, I keep picking Wisconsin to lose, and all they
do is win.  The fact is that I can't figure out how they're getting
it done.  Oh well, I've decided to change my tactics.  I'm now
wondering what it is about Minnesota that makes so many of the ESPN
talking heads consider them to be a trap for the undefeated
Badgers.   The Badgers may yet stumble on their way to Pasadena, but
it won't be because they fell into a Gopher hole.  Barry's Rats by 14.

Oklahoma State at Texas
The Cowboys did, last Saturday, what the Texas Longhorns can't seem
to do.  Namely, they gave mighty Oklahoma a run for their money.
Sure, they didn't win...but unlike Texas, they didn't embarrass
themselves, either.  Unfortunately last Saturday, when the `Pokes
failed to seal the deal, they set themselves up for a double dose of
conference misery on this trip to Austin.  I just think OSU might
have left their hearts back in the saddle at Stillwater.   And,
speaking of "RUNning for the money", look for coach Mack Zook to get
Cedric Benson and company into a higher gear, searching for that
elusive at-large BCS big money bid.  Surprising a few people, let's
call this one Texas by 3.

Colorado State at Utah
Urban Meyer's Utes are now solidly entrenched at spot number six in
the BCS.  It appears that these red-clad warriors from the Mountain
West could become the first successful tribe of BCS busters in
history.  Only a few teams, such as Colorado State, remain to stand
in the way of Utah going to a big, big dance come New Year's.  In
past years, the Rams would have been a formidable foe.  However, 2004
has been a woolly adventure for Sonny's sheep.  And if the BCS is
looking to CSU for a bailout, they'd best get ready to make the best
of it.  OK, which major school wants to take a chance on getting
their asses kicked by Utah in a major bowl?  Decisions, decisions.
Utes by 17.

Purdue at Iowa
Back in the fifteenth century, Christopher Columbus proved that the
earth was round, at least more or less.  Back in those days,
prevailing thought was that if one went to far towards the perceived
edge of the world, they'd fall off into space.  I'm beginning to
think that the pre-Columbian model of the earth might just apply to
the Boilermaker football team.  Only three weeks ago, PU was safe in
port.  Well on their way to the Rose Bowl and perhaps even the Orange
Bowl, their super QB Kyle Orton was the odds-on Heisman favorite.
And then, things started to go wrong.  With each successive upset
loss the Boilermakers are steaming closer and closer to sailing off
the face of the Big 10 ledger.  Although this "earth is flat"
business does sound appropriate for Purdue, common sense tells us
that what goes around eventually comes around.  So, I look for Joe
Tiller's puzzling squad to finally "come around" this weekend on
their trip down into corn country.  And if not, what better place to
fall off the earth than in Iowa City?  Purdue by 4.

Notre Dame at Tennessee
When it comes to handicapping the Irish, I've fallen into a familiar
quandary.  Is Notre Dame a bad good team or are they a good bad
team?   Summing up, I believe both that they're not that good, but
are definitely not that bad.  It's probably a case where we just
don't know which bunch of leprechauns are going to hop out from under
the old four-leaf clover.   As for Tennessee, they're clearly in the
driver's seat to make the SEC title game, where they're probably
slated to be annihilated by Auburn a second time.  Until then, UT
fans will have to sweat through the Vols' usual tendency to
underachieve late in the season.  But this weekend, there is very
good news in Knoxville, and it has nothing to do with UT winning this
game.  In fact, I see Notre Dame pulling a surprise upset in the deep
south, call it by 2.  The good news for Tennessee's edgy fans is that
this will not be a conference loss.

Maryland at Virginia
Three weeks ago, you would have had little trouble getting me to
imagine a situation where my beloved Seminoles would beat MARYLAND 36-
3, but lose to VIRGINIA by the razor margin of 20-17.  I'd have never
believed the reverse call would happen.   Three weeks ago, I thought
UVA was the real thing, and that Maryland was destined to struggle
for bowl eligibility.  As it turns out, I was perhaps wrong on both
counts, but maybe not entirely.  UVA ain't gonna win the national
title, but they're a better football team that I saw in Tallahassee a
few weeks ago.  And Maryland will have neither a home crowd or an
unmotivated and unprepared opponent when they take the field in
Charlottesville.  So, look for sanity to return to the ACC in this
big contest.  Virginia by 7.

Virginia Tech at North Carolina
Now, before I say what I'm about to say, let me shout to the world
that I LOVED what happened last Saturday in Chapel Hill.  I never
believed that UNC could defeat Miami, and I'm most proud to admit
that I was wrong, wrong, wrong.  But, I can't figure out just HOW it
happened.  I've seen UNC play in person, and they're just not very
good.  Below average coaching and (at-best) average athletic talent
usually doesn't get it done against the `Canes.  Hell, below-average
coaching plus equal or better talent than Miami usually doesn't work,
either. :^/ So, I have to congratulate the Heels on their big win.
But until I have some tiny shred of an idea HOW they managed to pull
the upset win, I'm not about to start sticking my neck out picking
them to beat any other ranked opponents.  VaTech gave USC all they
wanted on opening night, and they should have more than enough
answers for UNC's occasional question.  Hokies by 14.

Washington State at UCLA
After the beating the Cougars absorbed last weekend, I'm sure it'll
take quite a talk from the team psychologist to even coax them onto
the LA-bound plane THIS weekend.  Perhaps the only silver lining for
Wazzoo THIS week is the knowledge that (a) they are playing UCLA and
not USC, and (b) the Trojans are safely up in Corvallis, Oregon, some
800 miles away.  Still, you gotta assume the Cougs will play this
game with one eye watching their backs.  So, that should make it a
little easier for the regular season Rose Bowl occupants to pick up a
close win in Pasadena.  Bruins by 4.

Nebraska at Iowa State
The Cornhuskers have struggled, especially on the road, with new
leader Bill Callahan's offense.  However, things should be much
better this Saturday in Ames.  Iowa State isn't any closer to
the "west coast" than Lincoln, if you catch my drift.  Look for the
Cyclones to give big Red a needed boost of confidence.  Cornhuskers
by 9.

Ohio State at Michigan State
Did you see the Spartans fritter away a sure win last Saturday
against Michigan?  (...and your Prophet sure loved seeing that
happen...NOT!!!) If ever a team qualified for a group Heimlich, it's
John L. Smith's ragged little army.  The visitors to East Lansing
THIS weekend may also be willing to put their arms around the guys in
green, but it'll be in an effort to squeeze the very life out of
them.  I now have serious doubts about MSU's fragile psychiatric
state after last weekend's folderoo.  But, I have even more doubt
about Ohio State's general attitude regarding offensive football.
Call it a minor rebirth, Spartans by 3.

Kansas State at Missouri
Six months ago, national magazines were arguing over which of these
teams would win the Big XII north.  Many went out on a limb and
picked the Columbia Cats, due in no small part to crafty QB Brad
Smith.  Well, things haven't played out the way the Mizzou faithful
had hoped, and Saturday finds the Tigers' best chance at seeing the
Big XII title game pretty much up to their local cable provider.  K-
State didn't help THEIR post-season causes last weekend with a home
loss to Texas Tech, but I don't suppose a northern title is yet out
of the question.  The real question is WHY name ANYONE champion of
the northern division? Let's make it more interesting.... let the
winner in the north play in the Holiday Bowl, replacing Utah.  Then,
let's line the Utes up against OU.  Yessiree, that'd be fun.  K-State
by 2.

Northwestern at Penn State
Is it time for Joe Paterno to hang up his cleats?  Do they sell
women's underwear at Macy's?  Yes to both questions.  Maybe Joe could
get a job at Macy's, selling highwater pants.  Nahhhh.   Northwestern
by 6.

Mississippi St. at Alabama
Two years ago, when ex-Tide Coach Mike Price got rung up over the
strip bar, Tide alum Sylvester Crooms really wanted the Alabama
coaching job.  But, the position went to Don Shula's kid Mike.
Sylvester ended up replacing the roguish Jackie Sherrill over at
Mississippi State.  This weekend brings Sylvester's first look at
Alabama since assuming the reins in Starkville.  Our man Crooms can
coach, but I don't think he's ready to stem the Tide on this first
trip back to Tuscaloosa.  Alabama had better kick these dogs before
Sylvester gets `em totally trained.  The SEC had best beware of these
Bulldogs....starting maybe next year.  Alabama by 10.

Air Force at Army
This weekend brings about the battle for second place in
the "Commander-in-Chief Trophy" sweepstakes.  I wonder what the prize
for coming in second is, upgraded sound systems on Humvees?  I'm
going to dedicate this pick to the old fellow I met recently on an
airplane.  He was wearing an "Army" jacket and was coming home from
the game where the Cadets had broken their long losing streak.  He
was so proud and happy.  His face had the same chiseled granite look
that also occupies the puss of Army coach Bobby Ross.  I just gotta
feeling on this one, folks.  In an upset, call it for the Black
Knights of the Hudson.  Army by 1.

Florida at Vanderbilt
A lot of people were mildly surprised when UF tanked against Georgia
last weekend.  With all of the troubles in Gainesville, many felt
that the players would make good on their promise to "win one for the
Zooker".  Well, I believe the players say what they mean, and they
mean what they say.  What they didn't say was WHICH one they were
going to win for the "Zooker".  This is the one.  Gators by 14.

Oregon at California
The recent shakeup in the BCS has got to have the Rose Bowl committee
chewing their fingernails to the quick.  USC is #1 in the poll, and
Cal has moved up to fourth.  We are two upsets away from the two best
Pac Ten teams playing each other for the national title in Miami,
Florida.  Back home in Commie California, we'd have a Rose Bowl with,
at best, the third-best team in the conference as a host possibility,
unless of course (egad) they chose someone NOT in the Pac Ten.  As
for picking this contest, I'm sold on California.  The Ducks' goose
is seriously gonna be cooked on this trip to Berkeley.  Cal by 16.

USC at Oregon State
I've been accused by some of having a one-track mind, and to a degree
I might agree.  I guess it just matters which track it's on.  So,
let's get this nastiness out of the way.  I make THIS call almost
every year.  The USC versus Oregon State game.  So easy for off-color
humor.  Child's play, really.  USC wins this game easily.  Why?
Because Trojans were made for banging Beaver(s). :) Look for this one
to be a real pounding.  Call it for Trojan Man.  USC by 21..... oops,
better make that by OVER 21.  See you next week, folks.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
  THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
  College Football's's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
  © 2004  P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2004 SEASON

GAMES FORECAST  191
GAMES CORRECT    143
PCT CORRECT      74.9%

OK, I had some good and bad picks last weekend.  The Pac Ten was a
disaster for me, as always.  But bottom line is this...anytime that
my percentage goes up this late in the season, it was a good week.
And although my picks will continue to be up and down, I'll continue
choosing in the security of knowing how much you all love me.  Those
of you who do, thanks.  And the rest of you?  Please just humor
me.  :^/

91==========================================================91

Thursday, October 28
Virginia Tech at Georgia Tech
Looks like this Thursday night is going to be Tech time in the ACC,
as the league newbies at VaTech skitter on down to Hotlanta to hook
up with the older technology of the Yellowjackets.  And although I'm
a nuts and bolts kind of guy, I don't see any way that the Georgia
engineers are going to put the screws to the lads from the Virginia
mountains in this contest.  Wiring themselves a road conference win,
let's say Hokies by 7.   As a side note...with all of those brainy
engineers coming out of Georgia Tech, how come BellSouth is still
such a technological train wreck?

Friday, October 29
Hawaii at Boise State
A lot of people wonder why Hawaii doesn't have one of THE best NCAA
football teams year in and out.  You'd think that a program nestled
in paradise could get just about anyone they desire to play football
for the Warriors.  It could be that players are smart enough to know
how much they'd hate leaving Oahu to go all the way to Idaho to play
football on a solid blue football field.....only a couple of days
before the beginning of November.  That's the kind of scenario that
might make someone actually miss those tsunami things that they have
down there in "paradise". :) As for this game, let's just say that
it's not only the poi from Hawaii that gets pounded.  BSU by 14.

Saturday, October 30
Oklahoma at Oklahoma State
This annual rivalry between the Sooners and Cowboys has long been
described as "Bedlam", and I'm not really sure why.  I can tell you
this much, however...  BCS bedlam would undoubtably ensue should Okie
State pull the big upset on Saturday.  Not to worry, Orange Bowl
committee...  Bob Stoopes and company will be doing the ropin' in
this rodeo.  Boomer Sooners by 10.

Florida State at Maryland
The Seminoles are a team long noted for their speed.  That fact,
coupled with Maryland's Terrapin nickname always conjures up images,
at least in my limited mind, of the old "Tortoise and Hare" fable.
Everyone knows that story, the classic tale of "slow and steady"
winning the race.  Well, there are two reasons that the happily ever
after closing to the story won't apply Saturday in College Park.
First, this is no race..it's a football game.  And second, although
Maryland's offense HAS been steady this year, the problem is that
it's been steadily bad.  Call this one for the rabbits from
Tallahassee.  Florida State by 10.  My apologies to Chris and company.

Texas at Colorado
When the Longhorns and Buffaloes get together, it's the annual bovine
battle between hairy (Colorado) and horny (Texas) factions.  Horny.
I like the sound of that. :) Texas by 7.

Utah at San Diego State
Utes coach Urban Meyer has suddenly found himself in the center of
the Florida head coaching search.  It seems that the Gator nation has
taken notice of the balanced and ballistic attack that Coach M has
installed in Salt Lake City.  Urban warfare, I believe they call it.
Who's going to win this game?  Let's put it this way.... nobody on
the San Diego State sideline is going to be getting any calls from
Gainesville anytime soon.  Utah by 21.

Michigan State at Michigan
The MSU Spartans are one of those teams that keeps ruining the
Prophet's winning percentage.  In much the same way as their
conference brethren over at Wisconsin, John L. Smith's schizo squad
continually puts the screws to your humble prognosticator, baffling
me week in and out.  I suppose the only way to get even is to pick
them as upset winners in their annual blood contest over in Ann
Arbor.  Then, one of two things will happen.  First, I could get
really lucky and log a huge upset pick.  Or at the very worst, MSU
will get rogered, which means both Prophet and the Spartans are
disappointed.  Sounds like a no-lose situation for me.  Michigan
State in an upset, Spartans by 3.

Tennessee at South Carolina
The Vols remain in control of their SEC East destiny, but the big
Orange fans have to be concerned with the lack of offensive
consistency.  Just this week in the paper, Coach Phil Fulmer was
quoted as saying he "didn't know what was wrong with the Tennessee
offense".  Well WHATEVER the problem is, he shouldn't expect to find
any answers in Columbia on Saturday.  Lou Holtz's chickens have been
scratching around the yard for a pitifully few points and yards in
2004.  And regardless of how anemic the invading Orange attack
proves, I don't believe USC will have enough firepower to avoid
laying at egg at home.  Tennessee by 14.

Texas Tech at Kansas State
My choice in this contest has little to do with the relative merit of
either Texas Tech or Kansas State.  I know that the Red Raiders have
a wild and CRAZY offense.  And, I know that Bill Snyder's Wildcats
know a thing or two about defense.  My selection is based upon a team
playing some 600 miles to the west of Manhattan, Kansas, namely the
Texas Longhorns (who are playing in Boulder, Colorado).  If Texas
can, as they did last weekend, maul TT in Lubbock, certainly K-State
can do the same in Kansas.  My choice is a direct reflection of my
high regard for the fine job of coaching done at Texas by Mack Zook,
ooops, I mean Mack Brown. :) K-State by 8.

Stanford at UCLA
OK, I've learned my lesson.  I got totally trashed by the damned Pac
Ten last week.  I knew there was a reason that I picked so few of
their games.  I'm sorry, Rick, but I've got to return to my roots.  I
guess I just don't "get" the left coast.  Then again, what can you
say for a state or region that still considers Senator Barbara Boxer
to be worthy of US citizenship?  And speaking of California politics,
they could save money on intercollegiate athletic travel budgets if
they played the games by referendum.  Just let the fans vote on who
they want to win, right?  OK, since SoCal is more populous that the
Bay Area, that puts this proposition firmly in the UCLA corner.
Bruins by 6.

Duke at Wake Forest
Something's gotta give on Saturday.  Duke and Wake Forest are the
only two ACC teams with winless conference records.  This is the kind
of game that makes you wish they'd never started this tie-breaker
crap.  This contest just begs to end up as a draw, wouldn't you say?
Well, as tempted as I am to call for an overtime game, I just don't
see it happening.  You see, Wake Forest is a team that has just
experienced some very bad luck.  Duke, OTOH, is just a bad team.
Look for the right team to leave Winston-Salem winless on Saturday.
Wake Forest by 14.

Penn State at Ohio State
Have you been hearing all the negative rips pinned onto Buckeye Coach
Jim Tressel?  Recordings from Columbus sports radio are just brutal.
These guys are out for blood...and we're talking about a coach who
won the school's first national title in over thirty years only a
couple of seasons ago.  Then again, the OSU brass appears more
tolerant that their vocal fans.  It's a good thing that Tressel isn't
coaching down at Florida...they'd have probably crucified him
(literally) by now.   Speaking of crucifixion, isn't it about time
that ancient Joe Paterno (metaphorically) dies for Penn State's
sins?  It could be the only possible path for a Nittany Lion
rebirth.  Ohio State by 6.

N.C. State at Clemson
I should be nicer to Clemson and coach Tommy Bowden.  They provided
me with my shining moment in last week's Prophet.  I picked the Tiger
upset of Maryland, and it was accomplished by the exactly forecast
three points.  Bravo, Clemson.  But, it's time to take a nice sip of
morning coffee and return to the real world.  Clemson is not a very
good football team.  And as Miami would agree, NC State IS.  Assuming
that the Wolfpack can keep their turnovers in the single digits, look
for Chuck Amato's boys to come away from South Carolina with a win.
Then again, considering Clemson's inability to hold the football,
this game could crank out more turnovers than a discount bakery.
Wolfpack by 4.

Kentucky at Mississippi State
Starkville fans will tell you that last weekend's totally unexpected
victory over the Florida Gators, officially begins the Sylvester
Crooms era of SEC football at Mississippi State.
The upset win over hated UF was lots of fun for the Bulldogs, but I
don't see State having quite as successful an ending for this
contest.  Am I predicting another Bulldog loss?  Heck no...I'm into
this Crooms fellow.  I'm just saying that it's hard to get the
opposing coach fired two weeks in a row.  MSU by 2.

USC at Washington State
About the only thing that Pete Carroll's Trojans have to fear from
the rest of their Pac Ten schedule will be inclement weather.  So,
how do things look up in Pullman this weekend?  Not totally sure, but
something tells me that the men of Troy will pack enough rainy
weather gear to slog through whatever falls from the Wazzoo sky.
Saving a few points for another rainy day, call it Trojans by 14.

Miami at North Carolina
Two weeks in a row finds the Miami Hurricanes traveling up the state
of North Carolina for a conference tilt.  Last Saturday night, the
South Florida bad boys got a bit of a push from NC State before
washing away the Wolfpack.  If you just compare scores, you'd get
excited to remember that North Carolina DEFEATED NC State a few weeks
ago.  After Miami beats the living bejesus out of the Tar Heels in
this game, you'll join me in wondering how and why?  Memo to the UNC
AD....better get going with that John Bunting firing statement if you
want to get into the Steve Spurrier derby.  Miami by 24.

Texas A&M at Baylor
In their opening game, Dennis Frangione's A&M Aggies stumbled around
like bears awakened from an early hibernation.  But ever since, it's
been nothing but winning.  Speaking of bears and hibernation, look
for the Aggies to put the Baylor boo boos to bed early in this
contest.  Texas A&M by 16.

Auburn at Mississippi
Mississippi is a school steeped in tradition.  The Rebels like to
live in and glorify their past.  And in many cases, past
transgressions continue to dominate thought in the Magnolia State.
There's a reason that you see so many Rebel flags in the south with
the slogan "Ferget Hell".  How many of you have forgotten the hard
feelings that developed when Auburn coach Tommy Tuberville came to
the Plains AFTER leaving Mississippi?  The folks in Oxford certainly
remember, and would like nothing more than revenge.  Maybe some other
year.  Maybe some other decade.  This is looking more like the year
of the War Eagle in the SEC.  Auburn by 20.

Florida vs Georgia (in Jacksonville)
It's always been called the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail party
when the Bulldogs and Gators hook up in Jax.  And lately, it's been
the Georgia squad that keeps going home with the hangover.
Considering that Bulldog coach Mark Richt doesn't even drink, that's
no mean feat.  On the other sideline, Ron Zook and his Gator staff
have suddenly become lame ducks, fired halfway through the season
after a shocking loss last weekend to the Mississippi State
Bulldogs.  Considering the mood of the UF players and coaches, I have
a feeling that the LAST thing they're ready to tolerate is another
loss to a group of Bulldogs.  Look for Richt and UGA to get drunk
under the table again at the old cocktail party.  Margaritas,
anyone?  Florida in an upset, call it by 4.

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Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
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THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2004 SEASON
GAMES FORECAST  166
GAMES CORRECT    151
PCT CORRECT      91.0%

OK, OK, I'm kidding.  I'd never be so fortunate in a million years to
have logged 91% at this point of the season. <g> OK, the truth...

GAMES FORECAST  166
GAMES CORRECT    124
PCT CORRECT      74.7%
=============================================================

Thursday, October 21
Syracuse at West Virginia
Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.  When ESPN booked this game
before the season started, they'd hoped to have an undefeated West
Virginia squad to showcase.  Much talk would have been made about the
Mountaineers' having a clear track to both the Big East title and
perhaps the Orange Bowl.  But now, there's not even any real title
talk to mention.  What WILL the ESPN talking heads discuss during
halftime?  Maybe they'll go over how many games Trev Albert was
TOTALLY wrong about last week. Don't take offense, Trev....watching
you screw up is why I keep tuning in.  <g> West Virginia by 10.


Friday, October 22
Wyoming at Colorado State
Things may not seem quite right for Wyoming as they ride into Fort
Collins.  You see, they've been invited to a local rodeo for some
ropin' duty, but all they'll find is Sonny Lubick and a bunch of
shaggy sheep wearing green and gold.  But while the Cowpokes from
Laramie might be more comfortable punchin' cattle, they'll still find
a way to slug their way to a Mountain West win on the road.  Shearing
and shagging the Rams, call it Wyoming by 6.

South Florida at Louisville
Another of those "Groundhog Day" games.  Last weekend, Louisville
almost pulled the stunner of the year down in south Florida.  But in
a scene that is all too familiar to we of the Florida State
persuasion, Miami wriggled off the Cardinals' hook at the last
moment.  So in an effort to get things right, Coach Petrino has again
lined up against a team from South Florida.  But, seeing as how the
Bulls are not exactly the Hurricanes, I'd expect this home outcome to
be more satisfying than last Thursday's slip.  The funny part is
this...Louisville may actually gain less in the polls by beating USF
than they did by losing to UM.  Go figure.  Cardinals by 20.

Saturday, October 23
Iowa at Penn State
Penn State Coach Paterno used to be THE winningest coach in Division
1.  However, the last few lean years have allowed JoPa to get passed
in the race to stay number one.  After sprinting to his first 300+
wins, the old man seems to be stuck in place during his more recent
coaching efforts.  I wouldn't look for any help in escaping the
morass from the visiting Iowa Hawkeyes.  And without help from
someone, somewhere, Joe just isn't going to go anywhere for a while.
Then again, he's well dressed for the part....those high water pants
are perfect for slogging in quicksand.  Iowa by 17.

Massachusetts at Rhode Island
This game represents a long-standing state feud up in New England.
As I understand, a long time ago, Rhode Island was formed by a bunch
of folks from Massachusetts who ran into some disagreement with the
Boston bunch over a religious matter or two.  I think it had
something to do with whether you put the salad fork on the left or
right side of the main fork.  It doesn't matter now.  But, while the
church bash of years ago has pretty much gone away, the Minutemen and
Rams still want to do each other in annually.  Minutemen, as the
legend goes, were to be ready for action at a minute's notice.  It
shouldn't take much more than a few of those minutes for UMass to
nail down a win in this traditional clambake.  Massachusetts by 17.

Oregon at Stanford
A friend of mine keeps writing to complain that I've forgotten about
the Pac Ten.  He insists that I've picked only a tiny little handful
of these intriguing west-coast tilts.  So, especially this week, I'm
making an effort to lean a little bit towards the west. :) As for
this game, a lot of people in the south believe that Stanford's team
nickname is "Cardinals", as in the bird(s)...or perhaps the religious
official(s).  In fact, the name is "Cardinal" as in the blood red
color of their uniforms.  Given this hue, it's easy to imagine a
scene of Christmas gone terribly, terribly wrong as Oregon descends
into Palo Alto.  If the Ducks choose to sport those putrid yellow and
green uniforms in this encounter, they'd best stock lots of phenergan
at the concession stands.  But folks, if you watch this one on TV,
save yourself a heart attack and just switch the set to black and
white.  And then, sit down and enjoy a wacky and wild west coast
shootout.  In past seasons, Oregon pretty much has had their way with
the likes of Stanford, as well as quite a few other Pac Ten teams.
But the Eugene quackers have suddenly gone out of season, and look to
be on the early Thanksgiving menu in Palo Alto.  If the color combo
doesn't keep them from doing so, look for Stanford to gobble up a
nice serving of Duck a'la rebuilding year in this game.  Stanford by
7.

Washington State at Oregon State
In my second attempt at deflecting that "you only pick a tiny handful
of west coast games" letter (Hi Rick!), let's take a peek at Oregon
State and Wazzoo.  Previously a raucous and dangerous bunch of Cats,
the Pullman Puss Patrol has been cat-napping for much of 2004.   I
don't really see them quivering many whiskers as the Beavers scurry
from their home den.  Up at the Cougar cave, this might have been a
better match.  But in Corvallis, we'll all see how much the big Cats
dislike swimming in a Beaver pond.  Using up one of Wazzoo's nine
lives, look for OSU to turn them INTO Nine-Lives on Saturday.  Call
it Sea-Captain's Choice.  Beavers by 7.

Washington at USC
So many of the national prognosticators keep talking about how USC is
so beatable.  About how they'll stumble somewhere along the way.
Where?  C'mon, who's going to beat them, at least before the Orange
Bowl?  The facts are that USC is the best team in the state of
California.  The only real argument is who's in second place.  (FWIW,
my call on 2nd would be the Oakland Raiders) In past years, the pups
from Seattle have offered a rabid challenge for the Men of Troy.  But
this year's Washington squad is far from being the pick of the
litter.  So on Saturday, look for Matt Leinhard and his pals to
litter the scoreboard with points en route to another impressive
win.  USC by 18.  OK, that's my third Pac Ten pick.  That's
hardly "just a handful." :)

Nebraska at Kansas State
Bill Snyder's Wildcats missed a golden opportunity last weekend.  The
hated OU Sooners arrived for a football game in Manhattan, and they
were totally not ready to play.  The bad news is that K-State let the
upset opportunity slip through their claws.  The good news is that
Nebraska's bewildering Cornhuskers blow into town THIS weekend.  And
sadly for new coach Bill Callahan, his boys in red have "not been
ready to play" on more than one occasion in 2004.  So, while NU is
busily re-reading their west-coast playbook, look for Darren Sproules
and company to make some Midwestern tracks toward a northern division
title in the Big XII.  K-State by 8.

BYU at Air Force
From a social standpoint, this is one weird game.  On one side, you
have BYU...a school that consistently finishes dead last in the
national party school rankings.  In Provo, the drug abuse problem
consists of taking the next dose of Tylenol thirty minutes too
soon.   And, on the other side, we have the Air Force Academy... a
place recently rocked by scandals involving sexual abuse of female
cadets.  Now, not to make light of women being treated poorly, but it
takes a special kind of idiot to molest some woman who's getting
trained in combat, or so it would seem to me.  OK, none of what I
said above has anything to do with picking this game, unless of
course I mention that the USAFA Dispensary had best stock up on extra
Tylenols for the Falcon fans.  BYU may not be a party school, but
they sure can give you a hangover after playing them.  Cougars by 7.

Georgia at Arkansas
Last weekend, Hogs QB Matt Jones was injured on the first play from
scrimmage against Auburn.  That led to the even more untimely and
thorough collapse of Arkansas' team against the War Eagles.  Over at
UGA, Coach Mark Richt uses a two-QB system.  David Greene always
starts, but D. J. Shockly gets his share of playing time.  D. J.'s
loyal fans suggest that perhaps Shockly should someday BE the Bulldog
starter.  But as Hogs QB Jones would point out, starting ain't all
it's cracked up to be.  Have you ever noticed that nobody seems to
get injured on the second play from scrimmage?  Bulldogs by 10.

Miami at N.C. State
Wolfpack Coach Chuck Amato has made light of the connection between
the Carolinas' attractiveness to major hurricanes and this weekend's
visit by the Miami Hurricanes.  Hey Chuck, you might want to leave
the humor to the real weathermen on local TV.  Then again, why cry
when you can laugh??  Look for Larry Coker's storm to give Chuck and
company nothing but a dreary evening on this visit to Raleigh.  Miami
by 17.

Florida State at Wake Forest
FSU, as a team, has grown to fear these road contests against Wake
Forest.  It seems that the playing surface in Winston-Salem is so
poor as to have (allegedly) caused numerous Seminole injuries over
the past half-dozen years.  Florida State has an excellent school of
law, so you'd think they'd address this problem from a liability
standpoint.  Speaking of liabilities, FSU had best pay attention to
the Demon Deacs in this game.  Too much time spent basking in the
Virginia trashing could lead to an ugly surprise that would injure an
entire season.  FWIW, not all lawyers are bad.  I kind of like
lawyers...at least some of them.   Seminoles by 16.

Alabama at Tennessee
The expansion, several years ago, of the SEC has changed many long-
standing traditions.  It used to be that Tennessee and Alabama always
met on the second Saturday in October.  But now, these bitter rivals
meet whenever the schedule dictates.  Mike Shula's Crimson Tide has
been coming on in recent weeks, and they're beginning to look like a
little bit of a bowl team.  UT is definitely set for post-season
action, with the only question being where.  One other tradition
regarding this game that has NOT changed is that anything can and may
happen.  If Tennessee wants to play football in Atlanta on the first
weekend in December, they'd best pay attention on this, the third
Saturday in October.  No more Mississippi-game-like screwing around
from the fellows in orange.  Let's call this one Tennessee by 7.

Maryland at Clemson
After three consecutive losses which featured abysmal offensive
performances, one might think that Terp Coach Ralph Friedgen would be
on the old hot seat.  But this is not the case for two reasons.
First, this is the first off-year that Ralphie boy has had in College
Park.  Nobody at Maryland wants anyone other than fatboy shepherding
the Terps for the foreseeable future.  And second of all, Ralph could
never sit on any hot seat, his ass being way too wide.  He'd need a
hot sofa. :)   OK, no more fat Ralph jokes for today.  But speaking
of hot seats, things probably haven't calmed down too much for Tommy
Bowden following last weekend's thrilling win over Utah State.  The
fact is that most Clemson fans (a) didn't know that Utah was a state
and (b) couldn't find it on a map even if they knew.  As for this
weekend's guests from Maryland, they're well known to the Death
Valley cadre.  And in recent years, the Orange Bumpkins have known
where to find the Terps....yep, up there above Clemson in the ACC
standings.  Maybe it's time for a little payback.  Assuming that
Clemson can hold onto the football, let's pencil the Tigers in for a
hard-fought ACC victory.  Clemson by 3.

Kentucky at Auburn
This deep-South catfight will prove one thing.  There are cats and
there are CATS.  And when it comes to fightin', generally the house
cat is the loser.  However on this Saturday evening, I see the Auburn
Tigers clawing up the UK Wildcats pretty badly, especially since the
game's being played in Auburn's "house".  Let's just say there's a
reason that Auburn fans care less about basketball season than do the
folks from Kentucky.  Sending the Wildcats back to their old Kentucky
home with a first-class beating, call it Auburn by 21.

Florida at Mississippi State
Gator coach Ron Zook has, when he's not busy with his fraternity
house disciplinary duties, coached his squad into contention for
another post-season bowl.  A winning season is a given, although the
SEC title is probably gone, gone, gone.  Bulldog first-year man
Sylvester Crooms, on the other hand, opened the season with a win,
and has yet to add a second "W".  The truth is that Mississippi
State's next win will most likely come in the 2005 opener.  So, does
it seem strange that Sylvester is the man with job security at this
point?  The difference lies in the past.  Crooms has succeeded the
lizard-like Jackie Sherrill, who did little right in Starkville
during his final days.  Zook succeeded Steven Orr Spurrier, aka the
savior and holy God of Florida Gator football.  And the really
horrible news for rappin' Ron is that Steve, since his sudden
disenchantment with the Washington Redskins and Daniel Snyder, is
still without a paying football gig.  If the Gainesville Gators don't
start playing better football, Coach Crooms might have an opportunity
to pick himself up a defensive coordinator who has both major-college
and NFL experience....one whose initials are RZ.  :) Keep refining
that resume, Ron.  Get your fraternity buddies to help out, too.
They're probably all English majors.  This one's easy, though.  Like
shooting fish in a barrel, call it Gators by 21.

Virginia at Duke
Cavalier Coach Al Groh was livid with the ESPN sideline reporter(s)
during his teams' melt-down in Tallahassee last Saturday.  It seems
that they (ESPN) broadcast some "you'd better play football or you
might lose your starting jobs" talk from the head man.  Now, I
sympathize with Al's sentiment regarding the invasion of sideline
privacy.  And I appreciate his wanting to shield his boys from the
humiliation of being dressed-down on national TV.  But for crying out
loud, Al.... you didn't even use a single cuss word.   Man, you could
get a job at BYU!  There's nothing wrong with that "you'd better play
football or you'll lose your starting job" shtick.  We FSU fans in
Tallahassee had been saying it for weeks leading up to the Seminoles-
Cavs matchup.  The only difference was that we were saying it about
our quarterback, and we WERE inserting some cussin'.  It worked.
So, here's a little advice to the UVA Coach from an FSU fan who knows
how to deal with a tough loss.  Tell the ESPN idiots to stay the hell
off your sideline(s), unless of course it's that foxy Erin Andrews.
You might also want to suggest that they try to figure out exactly
what is wrong with Trev Albert in their spare time.  And, tell YOUR
boys to take out their frustrations on Duke.  The Blue Devils are
there to make pissed-off football teams get better in a hurry.  Enjoy
the week off. :) Virginia by 21.

UAB at Tulane
When I went to the Florida State-UAB game in Tallahassee a few weeks
ago, a fan sitting nearby asked me how good of a team the Blazers
were.  At the time, I said "not very", as UAB was busily being buried
by an underachieving Seminole squad.  But the funny thing now is that
the FSU game was UAB's only loss to date.  Maybe there's more fire
than smoke in this bunch of Birmingham Blazers.  And as for that "not
very good" label, it sure fits the UAB opponents this Saturday.
Other than one win over a D-1AA team, Tulane has been a punching bag
for most of the season.  Don't look for this Green Wave to put out
many blazes, much less Blazers, this weekend in the Big Easy.  UAB by
14.

Troy State at LSU
Having the Bayou Bengals hook up with a bunch of Trojans down in
Louisiana is happening about ten months too late.  Almost everyone in
the country, save a few thousand Okies, wanted to see USC and LSU
hook up in the Sugar Bowl.  That would've been the REAL national
title game.  Well, it should offer some comfort to the college
football world to see the Trojans finally find their way to the
southland.  OK, OK, I know... these are not the SAME Trojans.  Then
again, this year's LSU squad isn't the same bunch of Tigers, either.
It may be closer than the Baton Rouge crew wants, but look for the
cats to defend their litter box on Saturday night.  LSU by 14.

UCLA at Arizona State
Four for four.  Another Pac Ten pick from the Prophet.  I've gone so
west coast, I'm feeling the strong urge to become a vegetarian.  Yea
sure. : )   Is salmon a vegetable??  Speaking of meat-eaters, last
weekend's trip to LA was not a good one for the ASU Sun Devils.  In a
game many (including me) might have thought could be close, ASU got
their bones picked clean by the USC Trojans.  I'm not sure there's
much left for the return to Tempe on this Saturday.  A visit to
Arizona by the UCLAN contingent of LA college football offers the
Devils a chance at regaining some devilish pride.  But something
tells me that the Bruins are a little better than State is hoping.
Completing the City of Angels' One-Two punch on Arizona State, let's
call for an upset UCLA victory at Sun Devil Stadium.  Bruins by 2.

Colorado at Texas A&M
Here's a hometown chance for Dennis Frangione and his Aggies to brush
up on their butchering skills.  You see, the end of the season will
bring the Texas Longhorns, THE team that A&M would most like to cut
up.  Running a herd of Buffalo through College Station this Saturday
will be a perfect opportunity to get the old campus meat grinder in
tip-top working order.  Adding another pounding to Gary Barnette's
already-tenderized Buffs, look for the Aggies to keep the home fires
burning.  Ring the BBQ bell, folks.  A&M by 12.

Texas at Texas Tech
When the Big XII formed several years ago, it was the goal of the UT
athletic boosters to have the Longhorns capable of competing with
the "Nebraskas" of the world.  Earlier this season, THE Nebraska of
this world had little success in dealing with the Texas Tech Red
Raiders.  I expect that Mack Brown and his Longhorns will go Nebraska
(at least) ONE better on THEIR trip into Lubbock.  Unfortunately,
they'll need to go Nebraska at least "fifty-six" better to come away
winners, and I just don't see `em getting it done.  Slinging points
every which way and then some, call this one for Tech by 12.

California at Arizona
This Tucson Saturday has the Cal Bears bringing their high-octane
offense into the Wildcats' den.  Coach Tedford's troops would present
an offensive challenge to any defensive scheme.  However, UA neophyte
head coach Mike Stoopes has never been one to back away from
challenges.  How-so-ever, methinks he should consider starting to do
just that, at least on this Saturday evening.  Cal by 14.  OK,
guys...that's five.  Count `em five.  FIVE Pac Ten contests.  I
covered all ten teams this week.  That's going all the way,
dudes. : ) Hardly a handful indeed.

Michigan at Purdue
Before last weekend, the Boilermakers looked to be on an outside
track to Miami for New Year's.   And then....wide right.  Trust me, I
feel your pain, guys.   As for this week's pick, we have a second
consecutive HUGE conference game involving Purdue.  This time, they
face the ever-dangerous long-time kings of the Big Ten, Michigan.  I
think Purdue will have the desire and will to play some serious
football this weekend, and that Kyle Orton may reclaim some of his
lost Heisman luster.  But, getting over such a gutting loss is
really, really tough.  And even worse, it's not half as tough as not
screwing around and losing a second straight game while you're
wallowing in your misery.  It's said that lightening never strikes
twice in the same place.  But, Michigan ain't lightening....they're
just tough and determined.  In an upset, call it Wolverines by 3.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
  THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
  College Football's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
  © 2004  P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
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Another pothole on the information superhighway,
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http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2004 SEASON
GAMES FORECAST  145
GAMES CORRECT    109
PCT CORRECT      75.2%
=============================================================

Well, as some of you know, I spent last weekend in New York City.  I
had a lovely time, and only got a peek or two at any college
football.  Anniversary trips are kind of like that.  But, I'm very
lucky in that my wife very much adores going to and enjoying college
football games with me.  Here's one more I love you, honey.  And from
a standpoint of my Florida State roots, I was lucky.... I didn't see
a single snap of what was supposedly a lackluster effort at
Syracuse.  I did, however, return from Broadway just in time to see
the Ron Zook show close to menacing reviews down in Gainesville.  I
wonder how much longer that'll be playing?  Oh well, time to start
missing some more games for this week....


Thursday, October 14
Louisville at Miami
ESPN had no way of knowing what a gem they'd booked for this Thursday
night contest.  Anytime you get an intersectional battle of
undefeateds this late in the season, it's going to attract some
attention.  The hometown Hurricanes have been in the ACC driver's
seat since an opening win over Florida State.  L'ullville is also
flying high in their quest for another Conference-USA crown, showing
a consistent balance that many other teams envy.  Since this is not a
conference tilt for either club, it's really a contest for pride,
respect and national rankings.  Both the Cardinals and Canes have
pride and national rankings.  But as for respect, Louisville is still
hoping for more, more, more.  I think they may have an opportunity to
achieve their goal while scoring a few this Thursday in Miami.
Beating the Canes in the Orange Bowl always attracts more than a
glance.  In an upset, Louisville by 3.

Saturday, October 16
N.C. State at Maryland
Both the Wolfpack and Terrapins are coming off disappointing losses
last weekend.  And, if either club hopes to stay in the hunt for any
meaningful holiday bowling, they'd best right the ship in a
hurry.  "Hurrying" may not be the mark of a terrapin, but look for
the hometown Terp fans to remain simply "disappointed" while the
visitors from Raleigh move on down to "disgusted".  Maryland by 6.

Boston College at Pittsburgh
Just last year, the Pitt Panthers were flying high.  They were
challenging for the conference crown, while all-everything wide
receiver Larry Fitzgerald was catching touchdown passes in every
game.  What a difference a year makes.  Now, it's the Eagles of BC
who are flying high, while Pittsburgh struggles to actually GET
touchdowns in some of their games.  Actually, the only real challenge
occurring in the steel city involves the challenge to the imagination
and patience of the Pittsburgh fans.  Look for BC to do their Miami
Hurricane act this Saturday in Pittsburgh.  What's a "Miami Hurricane
act"?  It's whipping up on the Panthers and then moving on to the
ACC.  Boston College by 10.

Notre Dame at Navy
It's been forty years since the Naval Academy defeated Notre Dame in
football.  And since they play every year, that's saying something.
The four decades of futility represent the present NCAA record.  Let
me put it into perspective, folks... I am about to retire from work.
I have worked at my job long enough to draw a pension.  And in my
lifetime, Navy has defeated Notre Dame once...forty years ago, back
when I was in first grade!  So, the possibility of Navy's winning the
game represents a dramatic change in my life as I know it.  But,
change is good.  I believe that into every lifetime radical change
must eventually come.  It could be a new and exciting love, a great
career change....or even a Midshipmen victory over the Irish.  As Bob
Dylan would say, the times they are a changin'.  Navy by 2.

Arizona State at USC
This Devil dash into LA could represent a greater threat to USC's
repeat national championship dreams than last weekend's contest with
Cal.  Whereas the Trojans were focused on repelling and avenging the
Berkeley Bears, the possibility of a let-down against ASU is very,
very real.  Look for Pete Carroll to preach a fiery sermon for much
of this week's practice time.  And in the end, watch the Men of Troy
pull it out of the flames at the last possible minute.  Waking up
just in time to escape the ASU brimstone, call this one USC by 6.

North Carolina at Utah
Tar Heel fans must have had mixed emotions during last weekend's
upset win against NC State.  On one hand, ANY time that UNC defeats
either NC State or Duke in anything is good.  But, the unexpected win
caused the inevitable talk of a job reprieve to surface for embattled
coach John Bunting.  I have one word to suggest for anyone handling
John's situation at UNC.  Clemson.  Remember what happened last year
with CU decided to extend Tommy Bowden's contract?  Are they in the
thick of the national race this year?  Have they even won a game
since opening day?  Point made.  But it may not matter, because I
don't see the Tar Heels making any meaningful run at a winning streak
this season.  Traveling all the way to Salt Lake City to collect
their next humiliating loss, look for Utah to bring down the wild
west hammer on the Carolina sheep.  Utes by 21.

Wyoming at BYU
I think it may be homecoming weekend at BYU, or so I've heard.  I
wonder if there is any sort of family discount for those huge Mormon
clans that support the Cougars?  I'd think that the school brass
would do anything they could to insure that their grads and their
WIVES and families get a chance to return to the Provo fold.  I read
somewhere that BYU always finishes last on the national list of party
schools.  But, I see them having a nice little hoe-down on Saturday
as they lasso and tie up the Cowboys from Laramie.  BYU by 7.

UCLA at California
If at first you can't beat a division 1-A school from Los Angeles,
you can only try, try again.  Look for the second time to be the
charm as the Berkeley Bears brain the SoCal Bruins up in the Bay
Area.  Cal by 22.

Oklahoma at Kansas State
It's only been a few weeks since people were considering that K-State
could be a national title dark horse.  But, after several galling
recent losses, a national title must seem like a dream from the
Bronze Age, only a distant memory.  Speaking of memories, do you
suppose that the OU Sooners remember what happened in last year's Big
XII title game?  Let's guess that they might.  Sooners by 24.

Ohio State at Iowa
Last week's setback against Wisconsin gave OSU two conference losses
in a row for the first time (probably) since Earle Bruce was their
coach.  Isn't he dead now?  Oh, sorry Earle....I was confusing you
with Woody Hayes, I guess.  Speaking of dead, that's what the
Buckeyes' chances of any decent ranking are if they cack another
conference contest.  So, look for Ohio State to find enough shovel
power to dig themselves out of any October conference graveyards on
this trip to Iowa City.  Call it an ugly 4 point win for Tressel and
company.

Minnesota at Michigan State
The Golden Gophers tried last weekend to gain a big win in the state
of Michigan.  But as your 75% right Prophet predicted, they came up
short.  This Saturday offers a form of Groundhog Day redemption for
the Gophers, which actually seems to be a perfect mammalian match.
Here is ANOTHER chance to get a big conference win on a visit to the
state of Michigan.
There IS bad news, though.  Minnesota will not get possession of any
silly brown jugs for coming away with a "W".  But then again, jugs
and bowls aren't the same thing, and that's Minnesota's ultimate goal
for now...a nice holiday bowl game.  Gophers by 12.

Baylor at Nebraska
I had originally planned to leave this game off the list.  I
generally don't do too many "sure thing" picks.  I hate being accused
of sandbagging the percentage.  But after last weekend, I had second
thoughts.  I figure that any team that gives up 70 points might be a
candidate for a Baylor win.  For the record, I DID pick Texas Tech
over Nebraska.  I'll admit, however, that I didn't install the 60
point spread.  Wanna know what the best part about last weekend's
college football on TV was for me?  No contest...it was seeing that
jerk Trev Albert's face as his alma mater got beat by 60 points.
Now, I hate to imagine that sneaking by Baylor will in any way salve
Trev's ego, but I gotta call `em as I see `em.  Cornhuskers, what's
left of them anyway, by 9.

Tennessee at Mississippi
With their surprise win over Georgia last weekend, the Tennessee
Volunteers find themselves firmly in the SEC East driver's seat.  So
with their hands clutching the conference steering wheel, look for
Big Orange to run down the lowly Rebs of Ole Miss on this roadie trip
to Oxford.  Buckling up their seat belts for the first leg on a trip
to Hotlanta in December, call this one Tennessee by 16.

Arkansas at Auburn
Houston Nutt's hoggies may ride into town as a football team, but
they'll leave Auburn as sliced bacon.  Look for Cadillac and the crew
to run all over the Razorbacks, tenderizing them for another solid
SEC West win.  As they say at any good barbecue, just smell that
smoke! <g>   Tigers by 14.

Duke at Georgia Tech
Chan Gailey's Georgia Tech Yellowjackets are one of the most
schizophrenic teams in the ACC.  They've run the entire gamut from
terrible to terrific in a period of just three weeks.  It may be time
for Chan to summon a team psychiatrist for some overtime analysis
work.  Duke University has one of the country's best medical
schools.  But while plenty of the Dookies might be able to accurately
assess the Freudian classification of the Tech players, the Duke
FOOTBALL squad will be the ones lying on the couch when it's all said
and done.  Did I say couch?  I meant stretcher.   My professional
analysis?  Yellowjackets by 12.

Vanderbilt at Georgia
Over the last two years, Georgia coach Mark Richt has annually only
lost one big SEC game, both times to Florida.  While galling, those
losses only eliminated UGA from the national title picture.
Conference championship game trips ensued at the conclusion of both
campaigns, in spite of the annoying stumble over the Gators.  THIS
year is different.  Maybe Georgia will finally beat Florida...  But
the horrible irony is that it's not gonna matter.  Richt and company
have already logged their conference loss of the year, and it was a
doozy.  Now, the only thing that could propel Georgia into a trip
into the SEC title game would be a conference loss for Tennessee.
And, the really bad news is that Vanderbilt is one of the better SEC
teams left on the Volunteer schedule.  Georgia will learn, in the
process of mauling the Commodores this weekend, how truly bad THAT
news really is.  Georgia by 16.

Utah State at Clemson
This must be the week for all ACC coaches on the hot seat to play
teams from Utah.  North Carolina is playing Utah out in Salt Lake
City on the same day as Clemson hosts Utah State in South Carolina.
Time will prove that Tommy Bowden and the Tigers made the better
choice.  Since the ill-considered Bowden contract extension ink is
completely dry, Tiger fans can at least enjoy a little home cooked
meal this Saturday down in Death Valley.  Utah State has little or no
chance of "holding any Tigers" in this matchup.  Clemson by 21.

Missouri at Texas
After last weekend's shutout loss in Dallas, Longhorn coach Mack
Brown was quoted as saying "if this team was not prepared properly,
that is my fault.   When we win, it's the players' accomplishment.
But, I am responsible for this team when we do not play well."  I'm
assuming that the UT athletic board and administration took ample
notes during that sorrowful press conference.  Look for Saturday's
contest to refocus the eyes of Texas onto the players, at least for a
while.  Longhorns by 10.

Texas A&M at Oklahoma State
Oklahoma isn't the only undefeated team in the Big XII.  Much to the
surprise of many, Texas A&M and Okie State also have no conference
losses.  And to the chagrin of the conference, all three teams
compete in the South division.  The Big XII conference is beginning
to look, from a divisional standpoint, like a see-saw with a midget
(OK, politically correct...a little person) on one side and a fat
slob (...and I don't know the politically correct term for fat slob.
Could one of you fat slobs out there please give me some insight?) on
the other.  There are two great injustices in this year's Big XII.
First, only one of the South's teams gets to play for the conference
title.  And second, it's really pathetic that ANY of the northern
clubs get to even print tickets for the title game.  Oh well, on to
this pick.  I'll admit that I've slowly been won over by Dennis
Frangione and his A&M Aggies.  After a disastrous start, they've
shown steady growth.  FWIW, how many teams in America can honestly
say that they've improved a little bit every week?  That's the good
news for Dennis and his boys.  The bad news is that they'll need to
improve even more to have even a chance on their trip up to the
Cowboy corral in Stillwater.  Guess what?  I'm sold.  I think the
Texas Aggies are going to do what their dear brothers over at Austin
just can't seem to accomplish.  They're going to beat something or
someone from Oklahoma.  Mack Brown might want to videotape this
one....  In a mild upset, call it Aggies by 3.

Virginia at Florida State
On the surface, this looks bleak for my Seminoles.  Here comes a
disciplined and well-coached Cavalier team into town for a huge ACC
contest.  FSU's recent success usually has depended on their being
much, much better than their opponent...you know, they win the games
that they just can't lose.  But unlike the UABs and Clemsons of the
world, UVA is more than capable of beating FSU, all things being
equal.  But, things are not equal.  The Seminole coaching staff is as
poor a unit as you'll find in major college football.   If they had
the mid-level talent of, say, Iowa, they'd be sub-.500.   So,
everything points to this being a very bad night in Tallahassee.
But, that's the one glimmer for the home fans....  Florida State
almost NEVER loses at night in Doak Campbell.  Something about that
Saturday Night fever attitude that takes over Tallahassee.  It could
have something to do with the generally much higher alcohol content
of the stadium's collective bloodstream.  The Doak is a much more
intimidating home crib after dark.  So, in spite of FSU's propensity
for making stupid plays and its poor coaching, look for the Seminole
faithful to turn out the lights on Virginia's undefeated season in
this national ESPN broadcast.  Seminole fans from Miccosukee to San
Rafael will smile as their boys find a way to pull a rabbit out of
the hat.  FSU by 4.

Wisconsin at Purdue
It seems strange to have the defining game in the Big Ten race (a)
occurring in October and (b) not including either Ohio State or
Michigan.  But here we are, watching Barry Alvarez's Badgers battle
Joe Tiller's Boilermakers for a trip to Pasadena come New Year's Day,
assuming of course that a bigger trip to Miami doesn't materialize.
Wisconsin fans have always been on my butt about my stand on the
Badgers.  They seem to think that I don't LIKE Wisconsin.  Well,
folks, I don't particularly LIKE Wisconsin.  But, that's not why I
keep picking against them.  I guess I just can't figure out how such
a vanilla, one-dimensional team keeps winning game.  It might be what
they've always referred to as "Big Ten football".  In this conference
it's said that you have to run the ball with gusto to win those huge
conference tilts as the weather gets crappy in the Midwest.  There's
only one problem with that idea on Saturday.  It's only October and
the weather's still fine.  Look for Kyle Orton to have a sunny day in
West Lafayette as the Boilermakers curdle Wisconsin's cream for the
Big Ten lead.  Purdue by 7.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
  THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
  College Football's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
  © 2004  P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2004 SEASON
GAMES FORECAST  126
GAMES CORRECT   	 96
PCT CORRECT      76.2%
=============================================================

Well, I had kind of a rough week last Saturday.  I wasn't actually
shocked to see Georgia and Auburn post their victories, but the
magnitude was unexpected.  What Auburn did to Tennessee bordered on
brutal.  But I suppose I can't be unhappy with any week in which I
pick a Northwestern upset of Ohio State.  Is this the famous "blind
squirrel finds a nut" theory?   Let's get on to this week's picks...

But first....a quick note to my favorite Prophet reader, namely my
extra-beautiful wife.  October 4th was my anniversary, and I just
wanted to take a moment to tell "the Prophet's biggest fan" how much
he I her. :)   I know that she reads every word that I write on a
weekly basis.  So, I now say "thank you" and "I love you" to the love
of my life. :)   Forever, lover.
91

Thursday, October 7
Clemson at Virginia
The Clemson Tigers already have three losses this season, two of them
in-conference.  And the really scary thing is that they haven't even
faced the two best teams in the ACC.  A late run of success last year
saved Tommy Bowden's job, and resulted in his contract being enhanced
and prolonged.  Don't you just bet that whoever spearheaded THAT move
is looking into the witness protection program about now?  Oh,
remember that comment I made about "the two best teams in the ACC"?
Clemson knocks on one of those doors this Thursday night.  Look for
UVA to, in return, blow Clemson's doors off in Charlottesville, in
front of a national TV audience.  Ugly.  Wahoos by 17.


Friday, October 8
UNLV at BYU
Runnin' Reb coach John Robinson has announced that he will retire
upon completion of the 2004 season.  Now, no disrespect for Big John,
but he's a far better football coach than retirement planner.  Hasn't
he retired about three times already?  Look for this trip to Provo to
provide JR with more encouragement to make this trip into retirement
a permanent move.  BYU by 7.

Saturday, October 9
Florida State at Syracuse
The Seminoles and their fans are so pleased with the new Wyatt Sexton
offensive "play" that they're ready to take the show on the road.
Now, Syracuse isn't exactly the Great White Way, but it'll be a
noticeable enough stage to get some more pollster attention via
ESPN.  Tap dancing themselves into a New York state of mind, call it
FSU by 12.

Georgia Tech at Maryland
Last weekend found Chan Gailey and his Georgia Tech Yellowjackets
getting gassed by the newest wind in the ACC, the evil Miami
Hurricanes.  This Saturday will take the Atlanta insects on the road
to a more familiar menace, rotund Ralph Friedgen's Maryland
Terrapins.  Look for the Yellowjacket stingers to have little effect
on the hard-shelled Maryland attack, as Tech endures another
conference loss in College Park.  Maryland by 14.

Purdue at Penn State
Most of the sports world's talking heads have now anointed Purdue QB
Kyle Orton as the front runner for the Heisman Trophy.  Now the
contest to "do" NY in December is a long race, and there'll be plenty
of opportunities for Kyle to stumble before the finish line.  But, I
don't see much in Beaver Stadium that's going to bring him back any
closer to the pack this week.  Boilermakers by 20.

California at USC
The Golden Bears have been sizzling this year, and have burned up
your trusty Prophet on more than one occasion.  I don't seem to have
gotten the message that Cal is for real.  On the other hand,
conventional wisdom in the sports world keeps labeling USC
as "beatable".  Therefore, it's become a very sexy pick to select
California as a sure bet to upset the defending national half-
champs.  Well, as you all know, I am anything but sexy, in spite of
what all of my groupie mail keeps telling me.   My philosophy on this
sort of thing is to go with the proven commodity and then just
say "sorry" when I'm wrong.  No apologies should be necessary come
Saturday.  Trojans by 7.

UTEP at Fresno State
A lot of folks say that last weekend's loss by FSU-West at Louisiana
Tech EXPOSED the Bulldogs as BCS frauds.  Well, be that as it may, it
won't affect my pick for this home contest against Mike "G String"
Price and his UTEP Miners.  When it comes to fraudulent football
teams, let's just say that if the Miners were any more exposed, Coach
Price would be in the front row with a fist full of dollar bills.
Look for Fresno to do a pole dance on UTEP this Saturday at home in
the valley.  FSU-West by 21.

Minnesota at Michigan
It really looks like Coach Glen Mason's Minnesota program is coming
of age.  The Golden Gophers have one of the most effective running
games in the nation.  But, I don't think it'll save them from loss
one in 2004 on Saturday.  You see, Lloyd Carr has a strict rule
about "no running in the house".  And as you all know, there is no
bigger "house" that Michigan Stadium.  Wolverines by 3.

Wisconsin at Ohio State
The Madison Badgers are still undefeated, prompting thoughts of a New
Year's Rose party.  However, Barry Alvarez's penchant for treating
the forward pass like a cold sore at a wine tasting is about to bite
him on his Badgered behind.  One-dimensional teams don't usually beat
the Buckeyes in Columbus.  Look for the lucky Horseshoe shape of
their home field to again serve OSU well.  Winning their signature
close contest, call it Buckeyes by 3.

Kansas State at Kansas
I usually get ten times as many letters from K-State fans as any
other schools', especially when I have the audacity to NOT make a
call on one of their games.  However in 2004, I keep picking the
Wildcats to win and they keep getting whupped.  Something tells me
that the Cat fans would just as soon I let them slip out of my
sights.  Sorry guys, you've got me started now and you'll have to
suffer the curse of the Prophet's pick.  Again sending the K-State
faithful to their knees in fearful prayer, the Prophet again
forecasts a Wildcat victory!  Look for Bill Snyder's wounded kitties
to feast on some intrastate Jayhawk drumsticks this weekend in
Lawrence.  Kansas State by 8.

Texas A&M at Iowa State
After I saw the Aggies destroyed in their opener against Utah, I
honestly thought they'd MAYBE not win a game until the Iowa State
contest.  History has proven me wrong, as Dennis Frangione's boys
have dug up a nice little winning streak.  But, I'm still right in my
original thinking, namely that A&M will win this game...and I don't
mean MAYBE, either. Aggies by 14.

Indiana at Northwestern
Last week wasn't so great in Prophetland.  But my shining success was
my call on Northwestern's upset of Ohio State.  In return for their
kindness in bailing me out, it is my distinct pleasure to once again
select the Northwestern Wildcats to win another conference tussle,
and they'll do so in regulation time.  The Fighting DiNardos from
Bloomingtom aren't going to be forcing any overtimes this Saturday in
Evanston.  Sixty minutes should be more than enough time for
Northwestern to prevail in this one.  Wildcats by 16.

Stanford at Notre Dame
I'm not actually THAT interested in what happens in the football game
for this contest.  I'm more curious to learn what atrocities of taste
the Stanford band will bring to Notre Dame Stadium.  A few years ago,
the misfits in the Cardinal band infuriated the South Bend faithful
by having their drum major dress as a priest, directing the band with
a cross.  A few weeks ago, in a contest against BYU, the Stanford
psychos did a salute to polygamy of some kind.   I can't wait to see
what happens this Saturday.  BTW, everyone should write to NBC and
demand that they show the halftime show in its entirety.  What would
you rather do, listen to Pat Haden talk, or watch the Stanford
majorettes do their Virgin Mary flaming baton pole dance?  Look for
Stanford's football team to pay for the sins of the band.  Notre Dame
by 10.

Alabama at Kentucky
Even without injured quarterback Brodie Croyle, the Crimson Tide are
still leading the SEC in one category.  Unfortunately, the category
happens to be "number of three and out offensive drives".  That
doesn't get it done, even in the forgiving gridiron environment of
the Bluegrass State.  UK by 7.

N.C. State at North Carolina
Chuck Amato and his NC State Wolfpack are proving that there might be
life in Raleigh after Phil Rivers.  On the other hand, John Bunting
and his soon-to-be-ex-coaching staff at North Carolina are scrambling
to even find a heartbeat.  In the south, it's tradition to bury the
dead.  So in an effort to be good Christians, look for NC State to
bury the Tar Heels in Chapel Hill on Saturday.  Wolfpack by 17.

Louisiana Tech at Auburn
It's a good thing that this game is being played in Auburn.  You see,
last weekend, Louisiana Tech upset previously unbeaten Fresno State,
prompting the locals to tear down the Reston goalposts.  Then again,
goalposts won't play that big of a role in this game.  Auburn should
do most of the scoring, and I see it being of the touchdown rather
than field goal variety.  Sure, there'd be the extra point issue, but
really...the only people who'd be affected are the bookies.  And this
game is probably off the boards in Vegas.  Auburn by 21.

Nebraska at Texas Tech
New Husker coach Bill Callahan is bound and determined to upgrade the
Nebraska offense.  Mr. Pro coach is hot to install the vaunted "west
coast" style of play into the Nebraska arsenal.  This weekend's trip
to Lubbock could be considered an educational experience for the
farmboys, giving them the chance to see what can happen when you
throw the ball more than you run it.  Look for an upset on Saturday,
as the Red Raiders give Nebraska and their coach the old Uma Thurman
treatment.  Get it??  Kill Bill.  Going 1-1 in two weeks against the
Big XII's bigger names, call this one a Tech upset win.  Red Raiders
by 4.

LSU at Florida
In most cases, heading into a swamp is a good thing for a beat-up
bunch of Cajuns.  The deep, dark bayous and sloughs of the south are
just the place to lick one's wounds.  Unfortunately for the
disappointed and disappointing LSU Tigers, the Gainesville swamp home
of the Florida Gators is going to be more heartache than homecoming.
I bet last year's Sugar Bowl seems as far away as the 4,000 NASDAQ to
many of the well-heeled Bengal supporters.  Speaking of heels, look
for Zook's boys to grind their alligator shoes into LSU on Saturday,
adding a little more rust to what originally promised to be a shiny
Tiger year.  Florida by 9.

Tennessee at Georgia
When "Roy" got mauled by his 600 lb tiger, he insisted that the big
cat was trying to save him from a stroke.  Maybe Phil Fulmer could
try that spin with the Tennessee faithful in the wake of last
Saturday's Auburn Tiger attack.  Auburn didn't really hurt UT, they
just gently pointed out the hazards of depending on two true freshman
quarterbacks, right?  Well, there is some truth in that comedic line,
folks.  Also, there could be some silver lining in what happened last
Saturday, AS well as what's about to happen again this week in
Athens.  Four years ago, Auburn's Jason Campbell was a freshman...and
he played like one.  Four years ago, Georgia's David Greene was a
freshman, and he had his moments.  So, if the Orange faithful will
just ignore what's happening between the hedges and fast forward
their focus to 2007, things won't seem so bad.  The power of positive
thinking can do wonders....but it can't beat Georgia at home this
weekend.  Bruising any spots on Tennessee that were missed by Auburn,
call this one Georgia by 14.

Texas vs Oklahoma (in Dallas, TX)
For Superman, it's Kryptonite.

For the pride of the French nation, it's the German Army.

For honesty, it's politics.

For anyone who owns a telephone, it's a telemarketer.

For the proud king cobra, it's the menacing mongoose.

Everyone and everything has someone or something that literally stops
them in their tracks.  One glance and it's head over heels OVER.
Just go ahead and play "Taps" first.  Forget about "Charge".  There
is simply no point is resisting.

For the Texas Longhorns, it's Bob Stoopes and the OU Sooners.
There's no use denying it, everyone knows the truth.  Nobody really
expects Mack Brown and his cows to win this game.  Really, we don't.
Some say that another loss to Oklahoma will cost Coach Brown his job,
but I disagree.  I believe that Mack's only mandate is to avoid
another complete massacre at the hands of the Sooners.  It says here
that he will.  Keeping the margin at a respectable low-double digits,
let's nonetheless call this one another Longhorn loss.  Oklahoma by
10.