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THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
College Fooll's's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
© 2004 P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
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Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2004 SEASON

GAMES FORECAST 253
GAMES CORRECT 183
PCT CORRECT 72.3%

Well, you can sure tell that football was the furthest thing from my
mind last week. I'm coming off perhaps my worst regular season week
ever for Prophet predictions. Perhaps my little week-long jaunt out
to California will still, by this weekend, have lubricated my mind to
the point that I can start picking some winners. I won't complain,
though. Picking a bunch of losing teams in the previous Prophet was
about the only part of last week's sabbatical that wasn't terrific.
It is, after all, only football. What would YOU rather do, research
football statistics, or lay around Laguna Beach for a few days? I
knew you'd make your choice. Did I mention the daily manager's wine
reception? :)

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Thursday, November 18
Maryland at Virginia Tech
The Hokies are one of two remaining ACC teams having their destiny
within their complete control, or as they say "in their own hands".
For the most part, such self-determination has led to a rash of
suicidal tendencies in the new and expanded Atlantic Coast
Conference, and we'll have to see how Tech deals with the
responsibility and power. Assuming that the Hokies concern
themselves with winning their last conference tilts one game at a
time, I see no reason to wrest destiny from Blacksburg's city limits
on this Thursday night. VaTech by 7.

Saturday, November 20
Oklahoma at Baylor
A lot was made of the BCS implication of last weekend's Oklahoma-
Nebraska tussle. It was said that the Sooners weren't actually
playing the Cornhuskers, but were really shadow boxing with Auburn,
who was playing some 1500 miles away. After a 27 point whipping of
Nebraska, Sooner Nation apprehensively waited for news from the
computer nerds on Sunday, and were relieved to find that they'd
beaten the Huskers badly enough to remain in the BCS' top two. This
Saturday's contest will offer a much greater challenge. Am I saying
that Oklahoma might lose? Oh my goodness, no. BUT....beating a
sorry team like Baylor badly enough to impress a bunch of computer
geeks might prove an insurmountable task. But give Bob Stoopes and
company credit for trying. Oklahoma by 28.

Wake Forest at Miami
Many folks figured that the Hurricanes would easily win the ACC crown
in their first campaign, especially after the opening win over
Florida State. But it's proved tougher than was anticipated. The
funny part is that Miami keeps winning the big games. NC State?
Virginia? The Seminoles? No problemo...just another day's work for
the Horrorcanes. But, show them North Carolina or Clemson and they
fold up like a K-Mart lawn chair. So, forgive the five or six
hundred true UM fans if they shudder as yet another state of North
Carolina (supposed) lightweight waddles into the Orange Bowl. South
Florida may learn what most of the conference already knows, namely
that Wake Forest is much peskier than one would imagine. Their
deliberate style of offense can drive high powered foes mad with
frustration. But unfortunately for the visitors from Winston-Salem,
the Canes will also learn the Deacons' dirty little secret, namely
their atrocious lack of depth. Look for Wake to run out of bodies by
early in the third quarter, which paves the way for another easy
Miami victory. Hurricanes by 21.

Wisconsin at Iowa
Well, they did me again, folks. How in the hell does an undefeated
Wisconsin fold up shop so completely and get themselves annihilated
by the only slightly above average at best Michigan State Spartans?
I've given up all hope of getting any UW games right this year, so my
only recourse is revenge. Therefore, I'm picking the Badgers to win
every game from now on. That way, they'll keep losing. Go Badgers.
Go indeed. :^/ Wisconsin by 1.

BYU at Utah
The Utes just keep hanging around, continuing to threaten the BCS
party. For a while, it looked as if the computers would slowly bury
Urban Meyer's tribe in a layer of schedule mediocrity silt. But
then, clown squads like Wisconsin start getting themselves beaten by
the likes of Michigan State, by five touchdowns no less. So, here we
are back looking for a way to rid college football's royal court of
the Utah Utes. How funny that the last, best hope for doing so rests
with the LAST team to crash the National Championship party for the
smaller conferences? Remember when BYU stormed to a title by edging
a 6-5 Michigan club in the 1984 Holiday Bowl? Well, that ain't gonna
happen for UU in 2004. First of all, they're not going to find
themselves playing any 6-5 teams in a meaningful game. And second,
whichever BCS bowl they slither into, it won't be the one in Miami,
so there should be no national title. But in the battle for the
state of Utah, things will be coming up roses, albeit without an
accompanying "bowl", in Salt Lake City on Saturday. Utes by 17.

Indiana at Purdue
This annual struggle is considered the battle for the "old oaken
bucket". And, that should definitely favor the Purdue Boilermakers,
who've been pretty much basket cases since they fell from the ranks
of the undefeated some five weeks ago. PU did, however, quell the
stench of their losing streak by upsetting Ohio State last Saturday.
So perhaps Joe TILLER's MEN are ready to "TEA" it up (very subtle Cat
Stevens joke...I know that it should be spelled "tee") in West
Lafayette. Let's give those Boilermakers a bucket. Purdue by 14.

Virginia at Georgia Tech
Al Groh's Virginia Cavaliers have done pretty much everything asked
of them this season, except perhaps win a really meaningful football
game. With the ACC title easily within their grasp, they clutched
their throats and succumbed in Charlottesville last weekend to Miami,
a disheartening loss to say the least. So the question that we must
answer as UVA hits the road to Atlanta for this game is
this....what's left in the tank? Some niggling feeling is telling me
that the Cavaliers are closer to empty than one might imagine, at
least for this game. Running bone dry in Bobby Dodd, call this one
an upset, let's say Georgia Tech by 2. And speaking of fuel, I now
know how strong my heart is.....I bought gasoline twice in California
and survived the sticker shock. In Southern California, men don't
give the women they love long-stemmed roses, they buy them Mobil
Premium.

Mississippi at LSU
Many LSU fans consider the Mississippi Rebels to be their most hated
rival. This seemed, at first, strange to me. Most schools primarily
hate one of their in-state colleges the most. But upon closer
examination, there's really nobody else IN Louisiana worth really
hating. LSU can beat the living crap out of anything in the Bayou
state without breaking so much as a sweat. Then again, that sentence
probably applies equally when you consider the 2004 Rebs. Look for
Ole Miss to not offer much more resistance to the Tiger onslaught
than one of those Louisiana-Monroe-Lafayettish type outfits. LSU by
21.

Michigan State at Penn State
Is this Joe Paterno's last game as head coach in State College?
Well, being a Florida State fan, I feel qualified to categorically
state "NO". I have some experience with the nuances of tired, old
head coaches and their behavior towards retirement. Bottom
line...neither Paterno or Bowden (at FSU) will retire until the other
guy quits or dies. So, Nittany Lion fans will get a chance on this
final home Saturday to see what's in store for them in 2005 and
beyond....more conference losses. Michigan State by 14.

South Carolina at Clemson
The annual Palmetto State pairing of the Tigers and Gamecocks insures
that something good will happen Saturday in South Carolina. Last
weekend, Clemson tuned up for the USC clash by losing to pitiful
Duke. I'll leave it to you, my trusted readers, to explain to me how
Clemson can beat Miami and then lose to Duke. My beloved Seminoles
can't seem to do either. :^/ And Lou Holtz's South Carolina chickens
prepared for the trip to Clemson by making the Florida Gators look
like a BCS lock in a rout loss at Gainesville. Speaking of rout
losses, do you suppose the `Cocks rememeber what Clemson did to them
last year in Columbia? Look for USC to seek savage revenge on
Saturday, but as the Rolling Stones (who are only slightly younger
than Lou Holtz) once sang, "you can't always get what you want".
Look for Clemson and Tommy Bowden to get what they need in this game,
namely a win over their hated rivals from Columbia. Clemson by 6.

Michigan at Ohio State
Remember when this game always determined who was going to the Rose
Bowl? Well in 2004, the only mystery is whether it'll determine who
WON'T go west on New Year's Day. The Michigan Wolverines need only
finish off Jim Tressel and the Ohio State Buckeyes to punch their
tickets to Pasadena. The entire athletic program at Ohio State is in
such disarray, it's hard to imagine the Bucks offering much of an
obstacle to UM's travel itinerary. But then again, making a good
pick often doesn't require any real imagination.....just a firm grip
on reality. Look for Michigan to put a firm grip on Ohio State this
Saturday, as they shake themselves out a conference title. Blue by 9.

Tennessee at Vanderbilt
Mark Richt and the Georgia Bulldogs still have an outside chance at
making the SEC title game. But for such an event to happen, the
present leader in the east, Tennessee, would have to lose to both
Vanderbilt and Kentucky. Now if it were any other team, the Bulldogs
would be looking into other arrangements for title Saturday. But if
any squad is capable of the late-season collapse required to blow
games to the SEC's two dustiest doormats, it's Tennessee. Look for
the Vol fans to get a little scare at first, followed by a fairly
solid win. Vanderbilt is at home but they'll be the ones singing the
Nashville blues on Saturday. Tennessee by 14.

Washington at Washington State
This annual battle between UW and Wazzoo has long been deemed "The
Apple Cup". And for this season, it would be appropriate to
rechristen the chalice as the "Applesauce Cup", no matter which team
wins. Neither the Huskies or Cougars have been feeding on any solid
Pac Ten food for most of 2004. However, in making a call on this
Apple battle, I'd have to say that Wazzoo has more appeal (a peel?)
for me. But FWIW, what in the hell is wrong with the state of
Washington these days? These folks up in the Pacific NW used to play
some pretty decent football, didn't they? What happened? Look for
the Cougars to collect most of the Granny Smiths on Saturday. WSU by
12.

Stanford at California
This year's version of "The Game" out in the Bay Area features a Cal
Bear squad with national aspirations. It's not out of the realm of
possibility that the Berkeley Bunch could get a second chance at
Southern California down in Miami's Orange Bowl. But first, they'll
have to finish off their misguided and troublesome little friends
from Palo Alto. Twenty years ago, the Bears pulled a miraculous win
over the Cardinal, thanks in part to the inability of the Stanford
band to make a solid tackle on kick coverage. I don't believe that
Cal will need any musical meltdowns to win this contest on Saturday.
Look for Stanford to be the ones facing the music, call in California
by 16.

Oregon at Oregon State
Oregon's unpredictable Ducks are flying over to a pond in Corvallis
on Saturday, and they'll find they locals to be an unfriendly bunch
of rodents. OSU's Beavers didn't spend all fall damming up their
home waters to have them taken over by the green and gold clad quacks
from Eugene. OU is, at times, a capable squad. But, they've been
mighty schizoid in their week in and out performances. And IMHO,
there's nothing freakier than a psychotic flock of ducks. So
assuming that the Beavers have learned to kick extra points by this
point in the season, I see no reason the locals can't bag their
mallard and coot limit(s). Oregon State by 12.

Auburn at Alabama
Even though it's no longer played in Birmingham, this game is still
called the Iron Bowl. Alabama and Auburn almost always bring an iron-
tough brand of football to their annual clash. This is never one of
those finesse games where teams try to trick each other. The winner
of Alabama and Auburn is usually the team that does a better job of
knocking the other guys onto their collective asses. If you like
smash-mouth football, this one is for you, and I'd suggest that you
grab a few brews and turn on in. But, if you really like the
University of Alabama, you might want to slide over to another
channel. Guess whose collective asses are going to spend more time
on the cold ground in Tuscaloosa? The Tide's unwelcome guests are
bringing an unwelcome result, call this one Auburn by 14.

Florida at Florida State
Another deep south bloodbath to finish up the year in college
football. This one features the Florida Gators and their lame-duck
coach Ron Zook heading into Tallahassee to face the FSU Seminoles and
their dead-duck offense. Seminoles fans, who have been in a gloomy
state for several weeks, may fret that offensive coordinator Jeff "My
Daddy is the Coach" Bowden's offensive scheme is substandard for such
an important game, and with good reason. But what the locals must
always remember is that the sight of the hated blue and orange almost
always brings out the best in the Seminoles. And thanks to JB, most
FSU fans have no idea how good the Seminoles' best might actually
be. I think we may see something better from the Garnet and Gold on
Saturday as Florida State goes three for three against rappin' Ron.
Seminoles by 7.