= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
College Football's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
© 2004 P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2004 SEASON
GAMES FORECAST 126
GAMES CORRECT 96
PCT CORRECT 76.2%
=============================================================

Well, I had kind of a rough week last Saturday. I wasn't actually
shocked to see Georgia and Auburn post their victories, but the
magnitude was unexpected. What Auburn did to Tennessee bordered on
brutal. But I suppose I can't be unhappy with any week in which I
pick a Northwestern upset of Ohio State. Is this the famous "blind
squirrel finds a nut" theory? Let's get on to this week's picks...

But first....a quick note to my favorite Prophet reader, namely my
extra-beautiful wife. October 4th was my anniversary, and I just
wanted to take a moment to tell "the Prophet's biggest fan" how much
he I her. :) I know that she reads every word that I write on a
weekly basis. So, I now say "thank you" and "I love you" to the love
of my life. :) Forever, lover.
91

Thursday, October 7
Clemson at Virginia
The Clemson Tigers already have three losses this season, two of them
in-conference. And the really scary thing is that they haven't even
faced the two best teams in the ACC. A late run of success last year
saved Tommy Bowden's job, and resulted in his contract being enhanced
and prolonged. Don't you just bet that whoever spearheaded THAT move
is looking into the witness protection program about now? Oh,
remember that comment I made about "the two best teams in the ACC"?
Clemson knocks on one of those doors this Thursday night. Look for
UVA to, in return, blow Clemson's doors off in Charlottesville, in
front of a national TV audience. Ugly. Wahoos by 17.


Friday, October 8
UNLV at BYU
Runnin' Reb coach John Robinson has announced that he will retire
upon completion of the 2004 season. Now, no disrespect for Big John,
but he's a far better football coach than retirement planner. Hasn't
he retired about three times already? Look for this trip to Provo to
provide JR with more encouragement to make this trip into retirement
a permanent move. BYU by 7.

Saturday, October 9
Florida State at Syracuse
The Seminoles and their fans are so pleased with the new Wyatt Sexton
offensive "play" that they're ready to take the show on the road.
Now, Syracuse isn't exactly the Great White Way, but it'll be a
noticeable enough stage to get some more pollster attention via
ESPN. Tap dancing themselves into a New York state of mind, call it
FSU by 12.

Georgia Tech at Maryland
Last weekend found Chan Gailey and his Georgia Tech Yellowjackets
getting gassed by the newest wind in the ACC, the evil Miami
Hurricanes. This Saturday will take the Atlanta insects on the road
to a more familiar menace, rotund Ralph Friedgen's Maryland
Terrapins. Look for the Yellowjacket stingers to have little effect
on the hard-shelled Maryland attack, as Tech endures another
conference loss in College Park. Maryland by 14.

Purdue at Penn State
Most of the sports world's talking heads have now anointed Purdue QB
Kyle Orton as the front runner for the Heisman Trophy. Now the
contest to "do" NY in December is a long race, and there'll be plenty
of opportunities for Kyle to stumble before the finish line. But, I
don't see much in Beaver Stadium that's going to bring him back any
closer to the pack this week. Boilermakers by 20.

California at USC
The Golden Bears have been sizzling this year, and have burned up
your trusty Prophet on more than one occasion. I don't seem to have
gotten the message that Cal is for real. On the other hand,
conventional wisdom in the sports world keeps labeling USC
as "beatable". Therefore, it's become a very sexy pick to select
California as a sure bet to upset the defending national half-
champs. Well, as you all know, I am anything but sexy, in spite of
what all of my groupie mail keeps telling me. My philosophy on this
sort of thing is to go with the proven commodity and then just
say "sorry" when I'm wrong. No apologies should be necessary come
Saturday. Trojans by 7.

UTEP at Fresno State
A lot of folks say that last weekend's loss by FSU-West at Louisiana
Tech EXPOSED the Bulldogs as BCS frauds. Well, be that as it may, it
won't affect my pick for this home contest against Mike "G String"
Price and his UTEP Miners. When it comes to fraudulent football
teams, let's just say that if the Miners were any more exposed, Coach
Price would be in the front row with a fist full of dollar bills.
Look for Fresno to do a pole dance on UTEP this Saturday at home in
the valley. FSU-West by 21.

Minnesota at Michigan
It really looks like Coach Glen Mason's Minnesota program is coming
of age. The Golden Gophers have one of the most effective running
games in the nation. But, I don't think it'll save them from loss
one in 2004 on Saturday. You see, Lloyd Carr has a strict rule
about "no running in the house". And as you all know, there is no
bigger "house" that Michigan Stadium. Wolverines by 3.

Wisconsin at Ohio State
The Madison Badgers are still undefeated, prompting thoughts of a New
Year's Rose party. However, Barry Alvarez's penchant for treating
the forward pass like a cold sore at a wine tasting is about to bite
him on his Badgered behind. One-dimensional teams don't usually beat
the Buckeyes in Columbus. Look for the lucky Horseshoe shape of
their home field to again serve OSU well. Winning their signature
close contest, call it Buckeyes by 3.

Kansas State at Kansas
I usually get ten times as many letters from K-State fans as any
other schools', especially when I have the audacity to NOT make a
call on one of their games. However in 2004, I keep picking the
Wildcats to win and they keep getting whupped. Something tells me
that the Cat fans would just as soon I let them slip out of my
sights. Sorry guys, you've got me started now and you'll have to
suffer the curse of the Prophet's pick. Again sending the K-State
faithful to their knees in fearful prayer, the Prophet again
forecasts a Wildcat victory! Look for Bill Snyder's wounded kitties
to feast on some intrastate Jayhawk drumsticks this weekend in
Lawrence. Kansas State by 8.

Texas A&M at Iowa State
After I saw the Aggies destroyed in their opener against Utah, I
honestly thought they'd MAYBE not win a game until the Iowa State
contest. History has proven me wrong, as Dennis Frangione's boys
have dug up a nice little winning streak. But, I'm still right in my
original thinking, namely that A&M will win this game...and I don't
mean MAYBE, either. Aggies by 14.

Indiana at Northwestern
Last week wasn't so great in Prophetland. But my shining success was
my call on Northwestern's upset of Ohio State. In return for their
kindness in bailing me out, it is my distinct pleasure to once again
select the Northwestern Wildcats to win another conference tussle,
and they'll do so in regulation time. The Fighting DiNardos from
Bloomingtom aren't going to be forcing any overtimes this Saturday in
Evanston. Sixty minutes should be more than enough time for
Northwestern to prevail in this one. Wildcats by 16.

Stanford at Notre Dame
I'm not actually THAT interested in what happens in the football game
for this contest. I'm more curious to learn what atrocities of taste
the Stanford band will bring to Notre Dame Stadium. A few years ago,
the misfits in the Cardinal band infuriated the South Bend faithful
by having their drum major dress as a priest, directing the band with
a cross. A few weeks ago, in a contest against BYU, the Stanford
psychos did a salute to polygamy of some kind. I can't wait to see
what happens this Saturday. BTW, everyone should write to NBC and
demand that they show the halftime show in its entirety. What would
you rather do, listen to Pat Haden talk, or watch the Stanford
majorettes do their Virgin Mary flaming baton pole dance? Look for
Stanford's football team to pay for the sins of the band. Notre Dame
by 10.

Alabama at Kentucky
Even without injured quarterback Brodie Croyle, the Crimson Tide are
still leading the SEC in one category. Unfortunately, the category
happens to be "number of three and out offensive drives". That
doesn't get it done, even in the forgiving gridiron environment of
the Bluegrass State. UK by 7.

N.C. State at North Carolina
Chuck Amato and his NC State Wolfpack are proving that there might be
life in Raleigh after Phil Rivers. On the other hand, John Bunting
and his soon-to-be-ex-coaching staff at North Carolina are scrambling
to even find a heartbeat. In the south, it's tradition to bury the
dead. So in an effort to be good Christians, look for NC State to
bury the Tar Heels in Chapel Hill on Saturday. Wolfpack by 17.

Louisiana Tech at Auburn
It's a good thing that this game is being played in Auburn. You see,
last weekend, Louisiana Tech upset previously unbeaten Fresno State,
prompting the locals to tear down the Reston goalposts. Then again,
goalposts won't play that big of a role in this game. Auburn should
do most of the scoring, and I see it being of the touchdown rather
than field goal variety. Sure, there'd be the extra point issue, but
really...the only people who'd be affected are the bookies. And this
game is probably off the boards in Vegas. Auburn by 21.

Nebraska at Texas Tech
New Husker coach Bill Callahan is bound and determined to upgrade the
Nebraska offense. Mr. Pro coach is hot to install the vaunted "west
coast" style of play into the Nebraska arsenal. This weekend's trip
to Lubbock could be considered an educational experience for the
farmboys, giving them the chance to see what can happen when you
throw the ball more than you run it. Look for an upset on Saturday,
as the Red Raiders give Nebraska and their coach the old Uma Thurman
treatment. Get it?? Kill Bill. Going 1-1 in two weeks against the
Big XII's bigger names, call this one a Tech upset win. Red Raiders
by 4.

LSU at Florida
In most cases, heading into a swamp is a good thing for a beat-up
bunch of Cajuns. The deep, dark bayous and sloughs of the south are
just the place to lick one's wounds. Unfortunately for the
disappointed and disappointing LSU Tigers, the Gainesville swamp home
of the Florida Gators is going to be more heartache than homecoming.
I bet last year's Sugar Bowl seems as far away as the 4,000 NASDAQ to
many of the well-heeled Bengal supporters. Speaking of heels, look
for Zook's boys to grind their alligator shoes into LSU on Saturday,
adding a little more rust to what originally promised to be a shiny
Tiger year. Florida by 9.

Tennessee at Georgia
When "Roy" got mauled by his 600 lb tiger, he insisted that the big
cat was trying to save him from a stroke. Maybe Phil Fulmer could
try that spin with the Tennessee faithful in the wake of last
Saturday's Auburn Tiger attack. Auburn didn't really hurt UT, they
just gently pointed out the hazards of depending on two true freshman
quarterbacks, right? Well, there is some truth in that comedic line,
folks. Also, there could be some silver lining in what happened last
Saturday, AS well as what's about to happen again this week in
Athens. Four years ago, Auburn's Jason Campbell was a freshman...and
he played like one. Four years ago, Georgia's David Greene was a
freshman, and he had his moments. So, if the Orange faithful will
just ignore what's happening between the hedges and fast forward
their focus to 2007, things won't seem so bad. The power of positive
thinking can do wonders....but it can't beat Georgia at home this
weekend. Bruising any spots on Tennessee that were missed by Auburn,
call this one Georgia by 14.

Texas vs Oklahoma (in Dallas, TX)
For Superman, it's Kryptonite.

For the pride of the French nation, it's the German Army.

For honesty, it's politics.

For anyone who owns a telephone, it's a telemarketer.

For the proud king cobra, it's the menacing mongoose.

Everyone and everything has someone or something that literally stops
them in their tracks. One glance and it's head over heels OVER.
Just go ahead and play "Taps" first. Forget about "Charge". There
is simply no point is resisting.

For the Texas Longhorns, it's Bob Stoopes and the OU Sooners.
There's no use denying it, everyone knows the truth. Nobody really
expects Mack Brown and his cows to win this game. Really, we don't.
Some say that another loss to Oklahoma will cost Coach Brown his job,
but I disagree. I believe that Mack's only mandate is to avoid
another complete massacre at the hands of the Sooners. It says here
that he will. Keeping the margin at a respectable low-double digits,
let's nonetheless call this one another Longhorn loss. Oklahoma by
10.