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THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
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© 2004 P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
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Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2004 SEASON
GAMES FORECAST 2
GAMES CORRECT 2
PCT CORRECT 100.0% (odds on this continuing?)
=============================================================

Games of September 4 - 6, 2004.

OK, after playing it straight last week, I'm really going out on the
old limb in this, the second week of 2004 football. And if history
is any indicator, I'll end up sawing myself off into the river of
failure. But, you're really reading this for the laughs, not the
wins, right? OK, enjoy my madness......


Thursday, September 2
Texas A&M at Utah
A lot of people are very, very surprised to find the Utah Utes
heavily favored in this contest. You see, Texas A&M is what you call
a traditional power in college football, or at least they used to
be. Well, anyone who is shocked to find the Aggies being underdogs
out in Utah probably didn't see last year's Oklahoma game. It takes
a special team to lose 77-0. And, I understand that Coach Dennis
Frangione has another special club ready to take the field THIS
year. Want another surprise? They're going to be better than anyone
thinks, starting with a Thursday night upset of Utah. Starting this
year's ESPN weeknight slate off with a bang, call it A&M by 3.

UTEP at Arizona State
Disbelieving Alabama Bible-belters (and Crimson Tide fans) warned ex-
coach Mike Price that he was headed for a date with the devil after
he got caught in that Pensacola Beach hoochie-koo bar spring before
last. And, they were sooooooo right. Madman Mike signed on as the
new coach of the UTEP miners, just in time for the g-string dollar-
bill stuffin' season down south of the Rio Grande. But before any
more partying, Mike and company are off to Tempe to face the Arizona
State Sun Devils. Yep, Devils. Just try to forget about all those
holy rollers down in the south, Mike. Look for the hometown demons
to "strip" any shot Price and company have of opening with a win.
ASU by 7.


Saturday, September 4
Akron at Penn State
In spite of a recent downtown in Penn State football fortunes, it
appears that the PSU administration plans to allow Joe Paterno to
remain head coach until such time as he chooses to leave. A loss to
Akron on Saturday might result in some restriction of said freedom of
choice. No worries, Joe. Your Nittany kitties should have zippo
problem winning the home opener against the Zips. Penn State by 14.


East Carolina at West Virginia
A lot of people are picking West Virginia as a dark horse contender
for the national title. A lot of it has to do with the Mountaineers'
weak and anemic schedule. Well, I'm not sure about the notion of WVU
playing in the Orange Bowl, but I will agree that East Carolina ain't
gonna present much of an impediment on the way to Miami. West
Virginia by 17.

Northern Illinois at Maryland
Remember what happened in the Maryland-NIU game last year? It was a
huge upset, propelling the Huskies into the national picture for a
few weeks. Could it happen again this year, even out on the road in
College Park? Well, let's put it this way, elephants supposedly
never forget. And, Terp coach rotund Ralph Friedgen doesn't appear
to have been on any diets. Look for Maryland to give NIU the beating
that everyone expected last September. Terps by 16.

Oklahoma State at UCLA
Last year, UCLA Coach Karl Dorrell refused to accept a raise in
salary, saying that he hadn't done a good enough job of coaching the
Bruins. Obviously Karl's not a union man. And if he loses his job
after another "not good enough" season in Westwood, I'd suggest he
skip "professional agent" as an alternate career. That "earning your
money" schtick has no place in today's world of sports, Karl. Look
for the visiting Cowpokes from Stillwater to put the spurs into
another zero percent increase for Karl in 2004. Okie State by 7.

Notre Dame at BYU
At first, I thought about playing up the religious angle to this
game, namely the Catholics versus the Mormons. But then, I decided
that denominations really don't matter in this contest being played
out in Provo. BYU Coach Crowton and Fighting Irish boss Willingham
are both praying to ANY
God who might listen for a better 2004 campaign. Starting off on a
losing note gets one of them closer to pillar of salt status in a
hurry. Gary's gonna start looking like that Morton salt girl by the
time this one ticks to over. Notre Dame by 7.

San Jose State at Stanford
I recently returned from a very enjoyable trip out to the Bay Area of
California. About the only thing about my trip that failed to thrill
me was the traffic in and around Palo Alto/San Jose. I spent so much
time looking at my hotel from the 8th lane of some crappy freeway
that I begin thinking it was a mirage. I am writing this pick on a
Monday, which is five days ahead of the kickoff for this game. If I
were the San Jose Spartans, I'd head out for Stanford Stadium by
Wednesday at the latest, in order to get there in time for the
Saturday afternoon kickoff. And, I mean EARLY on Wednesday.
Assuming that SJSU manages to negotiate and survive the local traffic
sufficiently well to arrive for the game, they'll still find
themselves in danger of getting run over as the homestanding Cardinal
claim an opening week win. Stanford by 3.

Miami (OHIO) at Michigan
As is legend in college football, Miami of Ohio has long been called
the "cradle of coaches", due to the number of fine field generals who
once wore Redskin colors. (I know, now they're the Redhawks, but you
know my policy on being politically correct...) Well, there's
ANOTHER legend in the college game that portends the outcome of THIS
contest. Michigan Stadium, aka the Big House, is the "graveyard of
non-conference foes", especially those from the MAC. Being one game
ahead of the Wolverines in the experience department will help, but
Miami's still coming home with an even slate. Blue by 12.

California at Air Force
The Golden Bears and the Falcons are on opposite ends of 2004
conventional wisdom, with respect to their prospects. Air Force is
considered a solid program facing the daunting task of rebuilding.
Cal, OTOH, is a program emerging from a long dark period, finding
themselves being considered ready for primetime. After all, the
Bears ARE the only team that solved USC last year, and they're
expected to be much better in 2004. Well, I'm not totally sold on
California being a top-ten program, and I'm also wary of anyone
discounting a proud and disciplined squad at the Air Force Academy.
Look for this one to be closer than any of the eggheads in Berkeley
expect. But in the end, the Golden boys will get an opening victory
high in the Rockies. Cal by 3.

Central Florida at Wisconsin
A lot of people think that UW tailback Anthony Davis could win the
Heisman Trophy, if he could just stay healthy. Maybe after this
game, we could get an opinion from Central Florida coach George
O'Leary, who I understand (from his updated resume) was a three-time
Heisman winner in his playing days. The Badgers will get the AD
campaign off to a good start, Wisconsin by 16.

Florida A&M at Illinois
This contest is the result of the Florida A&M athletic department
putting on their version of a two-year Greek tragedy. The Rattlers
decided that they were going to be Division 1, and abandoned their
MEAC conference.
Therefore, they lost a bunch of players, guys who WOULD have been
eligible to be D-1AA, but not 1A. As a result, they had an awful
2003 season. Then towards the end of the pitiful campaign, the so-
called leadership at Tallahassee's smaller school decided to scrap
the change and remain D-1AA. But, they were still stuck with the
quasi-D1 schedule that had already been initiated. Henceforth, we
find the Rattlers opening up their season in Big Ten country. So
what have we proven by all of this? Something unexpected, really.
Maybe the Illini should consider dropping down to a lower division
themselves. In a huge upset, I call this one for the Florida A&M
Rattlers, the team that no conference or division seems to want.
FAMU by 1.

Colorado State at Colorado
Colorado State coach Sonny Lubick told members of the Rocky Mountain
press corps that he was shocked to learn of the atrocious behavior
and allegations surrounding arch-rival Colorado's football program.
Considering that Sonny once coached at the University of Miami,
that's saying something. :^/ It tells you how ugly things have been
in Boulder. Unfortunately for the CSU Rams, the team that CU will
field in Boulder, pending any other indictments, is more than capable
of logging a second consecutive win over their in-state brethren.
Buffaloes by 14.

Louisiana Monroe at Auburn
The state of Alabama isn't exactly crime-friendly, but it's a helluva
lot more liberal than they are back in Louisiana. So, it's a good
thing that this opener between Auburn and La-Monroe isn't being
played in the land of the bayou. The Tigers could get the death
penalty for what they're gonna do to the Indians on Saturday. This
is textbook hate crime stuff, y'all. Auburn by 35.

Wake Forest at Clemson
Last fall, Tommy Bowden looked to be finished at midseason. His club
was playing horribly, and the alums were researching quality rope for
a hanging. But then, his Tigers began a miracle run that both saved
Coach B's job AND built huge expectations for 2004. Perhaps unfair
expectations, at that. I wonder if the team will, by mid-season,
again be asked to save the coach's hide. Perhaps yes, but for now I
think that Tommy can continue using his school credit cards. Clemson
by 14.

Oregon State at LSU
Back when Oregon State coach Dennis Erickson was the head man at
Miami, some of his worst experiences occurred in the great state of
Louisiana. I can think of a couple of Sugar Bowls that went sour in
a hurry, for example. This weekend, look for Dennis and his OSU
Beavers to be hard-pressed to find any great improvements in the
local attitude(s) towards outside football teams. The Beavers will
have little success damming any bayou waters Saturday night in Baton
Rouge. Look for LSU to kick off 2004 with a little extra Cajun
spice.... Tigers by 14.

Richmond at N.C. State
A lot of people in Raleigh have worried about what would happen to NC
State football after Philip Rivers left. And, that dreaded moment
has finally arrived. And if you want proof that Chuck Amato IS a
good coach, consider this. Back in 2003, he has Philip the Great.
Opening game? Against defending national champion Ohio State, on the
road no less. But in 2004, no Rivers. The first home game is
against lowly Richmond. Looks like someone in the scheduling
department at NC State is doing their job. : ) Look for 2004 to at
least get off to a successful and happy start. Wolfpack by 21.

Tulane at Mississippi St.
Last winter, history was made when Sylvester Crooms became the first
African-American head coach in the deep-south SEC. At the time, many
people couldn't actually understand why it hadn't happened a year
earlier, when the Alabama top job became suddenly vacant, thanks to
the discretions of Dollar-Bill stuffin' Mike Price. After the
opening contest in the Crooms regime at Starkville, look for people
to still be wondering why Sylvester didn't end up in Tuscaloosa.
Starting his puppy farm off with good bloodlines, call this one for
Crooms and the Bulldogs. MSU by 3.

Utah State at Alabama
Last winter, history was made when Sylvester Crooms became the first
African-American head coach in the deep-south SEC. At the time, many
people couldn't actually understand why it hadn't happened a year
earlier, when the Alabama top job became suddenly vacant, thanks to
the discretions of Dollar-Bill stuffin' Mike Price. After the
opening contests both at Alabama and Mississippi State, look for
people to still be wondering why Sylvester didn't end up in
Tuscaloosa. The Tide should win the home opener against the lightly-
regarded Aggies of the west, but Mike Shula and company had better be
a whole lot better this year. That "I only had a little bit of time
to install my offense" notion won't work this year. And for the
record, after having followed Shula's career, may I ask one
question? What offense? Alabama by 8.

North Texas at Texas
Say what you will, but Longhorn coach Mack Brown actually has an
excellent won-loss record. Now I'll admit that he's never come close
to winning a game that really mattered. But still, he can pile up
those "W"'s in pointless contests. This weekend brings one of those
clashes upon which Mack has honed his reputation. Doing what made
him great, Brown leads the herd to a big opening win, Texas by 24.

Bowling Green at Oklahoma
The opening contest of 2004 finds the mighty, and previously
unbeatable, OU Sooners riding a two-game losing streak. What are the
chances that the Boomers could actually lose a third game in a row,
to Bowling Green no less? They're about the same as the chance that
Bob Stoopes would admit that his club should have had to buy tickets
to get into last year's Sugar Bowl. Zero, in other words. Zero also
sums up Bowling Green's shot at a win in this year's opener. They'll
be lucky to score twice. OU by 24.

Western Illinois at Nebraska
Change is in the breeze in Lincoln. There's a whole new coaching
regime, with solid professional bloodlines. Could this finally be
the season that the Huskers complete more passes on the field than at
fraternity-sorority rush parties? It could be indeed. As for new
coach Bill Callahan, he said that he's not seen a lot of difference
in talent levels between his former Oakland Raider squad and his new
college charges. He did admit, however, that the NU payroll was
slightly lower. Regardless of what's being spent on players or
coaches at Big Red, they're gonna get their money's worth this
Saturday. Call this one an old fashioned Husker pounding. Nebraska
by 31.

Middle Tenn. St. at Florida
I hear that this game is being offered on Sunshine state satellite as
a pay-per-view, and I plan to call my local state senator to
complain. I thought snuff films were illegal. In a contest that
would make an al-Jazeerah anchorman squirm, look for Zook and his
Gators to behead the Blue Raiders from MTSU. Florida by 32.


Monday, September 6
Florida State at Miami
Prevailing thought in Tallahassee is optimistic, folks. Many, many
FSU fans, as well as our local "in the know" types (Hi Camster!) say
that IF Florida State can just get past Miami, they have an excellent
chance to line up in the Orange Bowl for the national title. And on
the other side, Coach Bobby Bowden says that the easiest way to
recover and play for a national title after a loss to Miami is to
play them at season's beginning. Well, it sounds like the Noles
can't lose. Yeah, sure. Miami by 3. Ouch.