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THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
College Football's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
© 2003 P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
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Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

Last week was perhaps my worst mid-season week in over ten years.
Still after Armageddon.....

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2003 SEASON, through 11/08/03, is
GAMES FORECAST 397
GAMES CORRECT 294
PCT CORRECT 74.1%
=============================================================
Thursday, November 13, 2003
Marshall at Miami(OH)
It's been a while since anything named Miami won a nationally-
broadcast football game. That's gonna change Thursday as the Ohio
Red Hawks are expecting and expected to peck away at the visiting
Herd from Marshall. But then again, anything could happen in such a
bitter conference rivalry. Like "one of the" tight ends at that
OTHER Miami would say, "it's war out there". Look for the
Ohio "soldiers" to win this engagement. Miami by 7.

Virginia at Maryland
It may still be two weeks until Thanksgiving, but this Thursday
night buffet will be a feast for college football fans. Speaking of
food, Al Groh and his Virginia Cavaliers enter College Park planning
to feast on Turtle Soup. However, any good Maryland eatery will
also have a few wooden hammers lying around, which are usually used
to bust up crab and lobster. Thursday night, I believe that the
locals will find an alternate use for this handy utensil, as Ralph's
reptiles "drop the hammer" on UVA. I wouldn't blame Al if he
skipped leaving a tip, because I don't think he's gonna like the
service. Maryland by 4.

Saturday, November 15, 2003
Michigan State at Wisconsin
Whaddaya get when you cross Jeffrey, the MSU quarterback, with the
Wisconsin fans? Smoker Cheese! Sorry for yet another dairy dissing
of the Badger battalion, but I'm milking it for all its worth. I
know that cheesy humor is beginning to grate on all of your nerves,
but here's hoping that you don't melt down upon reading yet another
example. Michigan State by 7.

Kansas at Oklahoma State
The Cowboys of Okie State failed miserably last weekend in their
attempt to round up the Texas Longhorns. Instead, it was the `pokes
who got themselves shot out of the saddle for the second week in a
row. This weekend might produce another blowout score in
Stillwater, but for the first time in a while, the hometown heroes
won't be the zeroes. Look for a happier rodeo Saturday as the
Cowboys pluck KU's Jayhawks in short order. OSU by 21.

Minnesota at Iowa
Both the Gophers and Hawkeyes have now officially been eliminated
from the Big Ten championship race. However, this Saturday's
contest will be the usual fierce battle between two conference
rivals. And, it's not likely to be settled until late into the
sixty minute clock. Why would two teams fight so vociferously in
what is basically a meaningless game in the Big Ten race? Have any
of you ever put on a pair of short pants and a short-sleeved shirt
and walked out of your house in late December, or perhaps early
January? How many of you have done it in Minneapolis or Iowa
City? Do you suppose such behavior would be more fun somewhere
else, say....Texas, Florida, Arizona or some other state not
requiring snow tires? THAT'S what the fight is all about on
Saturday. It's colder in Minnesota, so I'd expect the Gophers to
fight hardest in this contest. "Plowing" their way to a November
win and perhaps a December trip, call this one Golden Gophers by 4.

Indiana at Penn State
Last weekend, I described the Indiana-Illinois game as the battle
for 11th place in the Big Ten. But folks, please accept my
apologies. I completely forgot about Penn State. The Nittany Lions
are making a late season push to claim the lowest rung on the
ladder. And although it may be the only honor that Joe Paterno has
yet to win, I don't believe he's ready to live in the conference
cellar. Nice guys finish last is what they say....but not
necessarily dead last. C'mon kittens, win one for the old man.
Penn State by 3.

Virginia Tech at Temple
The Hokies have truly been on a roller coaster ride over the last
three weeks. First, there was the low of the shocking West Virginia
defeat. Next, the exhilaration of the Miami rout, which re-thrust
the Turkeys into the late Thanksgiving season BCS shuffle, or so it
seemed. Then, another nadir occurs on the trip to Pittsburgh. On
Saturday, I see the coaster ride having another high for Virginia
Tech, as they'll easily crush outmanned Temple. But as we all know,
those two losses clearly state that Beamer's boys have "stayed too
long at the fair". Hokies by 28.

Houston at Army
The coaching staff at Army has studied the long and proud history of
Cadet football. And, they've finally come up with a fool-proof plan
to restore the glory of West Point on the old gridiron. Now, all
they have to do is sell the country on the idea of reinstating the
draft. Until then, look for the all-volunteer squad at Army to keep
getting shelled. Houston by 14.

Troy State at Utah State
Have any of you ever listened to Troy State University's marching
band? The "Sound of the South" is a magnificent organization. A
long time ago, my father's college roommate was Johnny Long, once
the "Sound of the South's" director. In fact, you'll notice that
Troy State is presently a finalist in ESPN's silly "fight song
frenzy" shtick. (FWIW, Trev Albert thinks Georgia Tech is THE best
of the bands he's seen. That just proves that there's another
subject on which Trev is clueless...) Oh well, check out the TSU
band if you ever get a chance. As for the Trojan football team,
look for them to face the music on the road out west. Utah State by
1.

UTEP at Boise State
Things have been moving pretty slow for the Miners of UTEP this
year. In an effort to speed things up, they've decided to upgrade
the power source on their mine wagon. Junking the usual mule, the
Miners head to the Idaho horse country, looking to hitch their mine
wagon(s) to a thoroughbred. The Broncos of Boise State may be a
poor choice, however. First of all, the mere fact that they're
still "bucking" indicates that these horses have yet to be broken.
And even if UTEP manages to get a bronc or two hitched to their wagon
(s), they'll find that they're dealing with wayyy too much
horsepower. Ever heard the term "Miner 49er"? Boise State by 49.

Washington at California
Geographically speaking, the Seattle Huskies are headed in the wrong
direction. By mid to late November, most snow dogs are mushing
northward in anticipation of a long winter's work. But, 2003 duty
is just about done for the Washington litter. UW will probably get
a cold reception in Berkeley, but that's just the way that sled dogs
like things. Putting the chill back onto the Bear backers, call
this one an upset win for the Huskies. Washington by 3.

Oregon at UCLA
OK, I admit it. I often search the internet for some insight as to
who is going to win football games. Everyone needs a little help,
right? BUT...I've got problems in this contest. I always expand my
searches to include synonyms and spelling variations. First of
all, I blitzed out and confused Oregon and Oregon State. For some
ridiculous or perhaps Freudian reason, I decided that Oregon was the
Beavers instead of the Ducks. So..among the words I typed into the
search engine were "bare" (Bear, as in Bruin) and "beaver". There
appears to be plenty of information available on these related
subjects, but I haven't gotten to it yet. I'm still busy trying to
prove that I'm over 18 and that I don't live in Utah. So, I guess
I'll just flip a coin. UCLA by 2.

Stanford at Oregon State
As you probably read above, I'm having some difficulty in separating
Beavers from birds this week. I got confused for a bit, calling the
Oregon Ducks by OSU's nickname. And, picking this game, I
compounded the mistakes and confusion by deciding that the Stanford
Cardinal was a bird name. Later, I did come to my senses and
realized (again) that Cardinal referred to a color and not
a....Cardinal. :) Anyway, as I seek analysis to fight my way
through this whole beaver, bear, bird and color thing, let me make a
call for the homeboys in this Pac Ten hookup. I see the flat-tails
flattening Stanford's tails in Corvallis on Saturday. Oregon State
by 7.

Arizona State at Washington State
The Wazzoo Cougars may have failed in their bid to capture the Pac
Ten, but 2003 could still be "their year to visit Pasadena". It
seems that eventual conference champ USC may have bigger fish to fry
in Louisiana come January. So, look for Washington State to make
the first payment on a large bunch of New Year's roses as Arizona
State comes into the Pullman flower shop on Saturday. Wazzoo by 9.

Texas A&M at Missouri
It's a common notion that history repeats itself. But, that's not
something that Dennis Frangione and the Aggies should fret about on
Saturday. Coming off the worst loss in school history, I see no
reason to expect a loss of greater than 78 points this weekend in
Columbia. It'll be much closer than that. Mizzou by 3.

Colorado at Iowa State
Cyclones, by nature, do involve a degree of vacuum action, which is
produced by the swirling storm's winds. But in 2003, Iowa State has
allowed this "sucking" aspect of Cyclone behavior to become too
prevalent on the football field. This trend forecasts unexpected
and unwelcome stormy weather for the home fans, as Gary Barnette's
rejuvenated Buffs stampede into town. Iowa State MAY take aim at CU
in Ames, but "CU" pretty much says it all, as in the Buffs will
say "see you" later to ISU on Saturday. This game won't prove that
Coach Barnette wasn't insane when he called the 2003 Buffaloes "the
best team he's ever coached". But, it will suggest that such mental
illness can be cured by patience and a weakened schedule. Colorado
by 6.

BYU at Notre Dame
This contest pits the collegiate representatives of two major
religions against each other. Saturday in South Bend, it's the
Mormons against the Catholics. The two faiths do have some
similarities, beyond a rich college football tradition. For
instance, both Catholic and Mormon families tend to be quite large,
although they accomplish this feat in differing ways. <g>
Saturday's game will be decided by the specific strengths of the
respective churches. The Mormon Tabernacle Choir fills the air with
song much as the BYU football team fills the air with footballs.
Old time Catholics, on the other hand, bury their dead in
catacombs. And, they keep their football on the ground, too. On
Saturday, look for the running game to be Notre Dame's preaching to
the choir. Continuing their win streak, Irish by 6.

Michigan at Northwestern
Early on, this seemed to be a disastrous season for the Michigan
Wolverines. But, thanks to a series of twisted events AND a furious
fourth quarter rally in Minneapolis, big Blue is in good position to
claim a share of the Big Ten crown by simply winning out. That
could make 2003 the most memorable season that Wolverine fans have
ever forgotten. The Wolverines keep the dream alive, and will swat
the Wildcats on the road. Michigan by 10.

LSU at Alabama
Last weekend was heaven for the Crimson Tide faithful. First, their
elephants stomped Jackie Sherrill's Mississippi State Bulldogs,
shutting the pooches out in Starkville. THEN, the Alabama fans
who'd ponied up for ESPN Gameplan were treated to the historic
pounding absorbed by ex-Tide rat and Benedict Arnold, Dennis
Frangione, as the Texas A&M Aggies were shellacked in Norman by the
mighty OU Sooners. A weekend of true magic. The Auburn loss was
just icing on the cake. But whereas everything about last Saturday
was great, this weekend isn't going to go as well. The Tide's going
to have a Tiger in their Tuscaloosa tank Saturday, and things are
going to end up a mess at Bryant-Denny. Cementing their BCS
standing while running Alabama into a brick wall, LSU wins big on
the road. Tigers by 17.

North Carolina at Georgia Tech
If Chan Gailey and his Yellowjackets get themselves routed by the
worst team in the ACC (last weekend vs Duke), what can be expected
when this Saturday's opponent is the second-worst team in the ACC?
More of the same, actually....except in the opposite direction.
Restoring order to this year's "usual" in the conference, Tech
stings Carolina in Hotlanta. Yellowjackets by 8.

Syracuse at Miami
Here's another "traditional" Big East match that's melting away with
Miami's 2004 move to the ACC. And, speaking of "traditional"
matchups, it's a good thing that Miami and Syracuse aren't like
Minnesota and Wisconsin. Those two teams play for "Paul Bunyan's
Ax" annually. I wouldn't want Kellen Winslow to be anywhere near an
ax during a football game. Sure, the chosen one apologized (in
print) after his "I'm a soldier and this is war" outburst last
weekend. If you'd like this writer's opinion, I think that Private
Winslow needs a little time peelin' potatoes, but that's up to
General Coker. Also during last weekend's loss, there was a
particularly funny sign spotted in the Orange Bowl stands. It
read, "Oh, My God. We want Rutgers??" I understand the sentiment,
and I believe that in the Scarlet Knights' absence, Syracuse will
do. Healing a few of the Hurricane wounds, the Orange get squeezed
in south Florida on Saturday. UM by 14.

Mississippi State at Tennessee
While viewing lowlights of Mississippi State's recent capitulation
against Alabama, one of the ESPN hacks made a comment that the
Bulldogs were a team "that had completely quit". This couldn't be
further from the truth, actually. In order to quit, you first have
to start, which MSU never really did. This year, the Starkville
Mutts have been dead in the water from day one. UT is prime for a
let-down on Saturday, but couldn't have any better loss insurance
than Mississippi State. Making sure Coach Jackie takes lots of fond
memories into retirement, look for the Bulldogs to roll over and
play dead once again. Tennessee by 14.

Florida at South Carolina
People keep talking about how good South Carolina is going to be in
the very near future. The Gamecocks DO have a very young team.
Coupled with their wise old coach, the chicks may become nasty
little roosters by as early as 2004. But, youth is not the
exclusive coop of the Gamecock. The Florida Gators still get
carded at the local liquor stores. Ron Zook's kids are improving
week to week, and will present a formidable challenge to any
expected future SEC championships at South Carolina. Speaking of
Ron Zook, let's just say that there's going to be another downturn
in hits at the old fireronzook.com website after Saturday's trip to
Columbia. Becoming the first Florida team, college or pro, to win
in the Carolinas since September, call this one Florida by 16.

Duke at Clemson
This ACC contest features two teams coming off surprise wins last
Saturday. Duke won their first conference contest of both the
century and millennia with a trouncing of the schizo Georgia Tech
Yellowjackets. Clemson made a statement in the campaign to save
Tommy Bowden's job by winning Bowden Bowl V in a shockingly decisive
fashion. Little B is still in a heap of trouble, employment-wise.
First, this IS the golden year for his detractors, as his contract
has a one-time-only buyout clause for less than 3/4 of his annual
salary. If Clemson had gone 11-1, there would still be people
looking at getting rid of Tommy, just from the economic standpoint.
As for this game, the Tigers had best keep winning...and winning
big. A loss to Duke will go a lot farther in getting Tommy canned
than last weekend's win went to keep him around. Clemson by 7,
which isn't going to be good enough for Tommy.

New Mexico State at Arkansas
The Enchantment Land Aggies roll into the Fayetteville hog pen in
search of some Saturday bacon. But before this barbecue's done,
look for the WACky farmhands to be the ones eating slop. Making
bigger pigs of themselves than NMSU probably would expect, look for
Houston Nutt's Hogs to root themselves a 17 point out-of-conference
truffle.

Memphis at Louisville
It started in the old "Metro" basketball conference. The
partnership, rivalry and brotherhood continued into Conference USA.
Memphis and Louisville have been in several conferences, but they've
always been together. Soon, the partnership is dissolving. The
Cardinals are flying into the Big East, while the Tigers will
continue to prowl, and maybe someday conquer, CUSA. This last
conference hookup will be more of what has been pretty standard
throughout their shared history, namely Louisville roughing up the
Cats. Something tells me that Memphis won't play any blues upon the
final departure of their sadistic Kentucky brothers. Cardinals by 7.

Baylor at Oklahoma
Aren't there laws against this sort of public brutality? There are
guys in prison down at Guantanamo who've done far less than Bob and
Mike Stoops are going to do to Baylor on Saturday. If this is on
TV, turn off the set, folks. Your kids don't need to see this
atrocity unfold in living color. OU by 52.

Cincinati at TCU
This is becoming a special year for "non-BCS" schools. Their poster
boys, the TCU Horned Frogs, have slipped into BCS position #6,
virtually guaranteeing themselves a spot in a BIG bowl game. Dare
anyone dream of a trip to New Orleans? Maybe we WILL have a New
Year's battle of unbeatens. But, perhaps the Froggies should think
things through. Is there some reason that NOBODY seems to want to
sit at #2 for long this year? Is playing in the Sugar Bowl opposite
Oklahoma REALLY the way to start off 2004? What's so wrong with a
trip to Dallas, thereby avoiding the whole BCS show. You could
finish unbeaten and ranked something like 3rd or 4th. You could
gripe until time immortal about how "you could've won it all" in
2003-4, and nobody'd be able to contradict you with any certainty.
We have a saying in the South that one should be "careful what you
ask for `cause you jus' might get it". TCU, with each successive
win, keeps asking for it. Something tells me that, come January,
they're gonna get it, from someone else if not Oklahoma. I see the
Frogs continuing to "protect their lilypad", TCU by 10. (Note...I
know that horned frogs do not sit on lilypads. One needs such tools
for humor, folks.)

USC at Arizona
The "Men of Troy", as they now prefer to be called, are clearly
pointed towards New Orleans and a date with the Sooners. All
they'll have to do is avoid any late-season stumbles that'd unseat
them from BCS #2. The Wildcats of Arizona are more of a hole than
a "bump in the road". It's true that falling into a hole can
sometimes cause great pain and suffering. But in reality, the Cats
are not a big enough hole to threaten anyone, especially someone
wearing Trojan armor. USC by 21.

Pittsburgh at West Virginia
The Big East may be shrinking in both size and importance. But,
games like the annual Pittsburgh-West Virginia contest keep things
interesting in the conference. This year, there are national and
BCS implications as well. This contest has earned the nickname
of "the backyard brawl". Well, the neighborhood may be getting a
little smaller, and maybe a little run down. But, these coal
country Hatfields and McCoys still know how to feud. In an upset,
let's go with the local Hillbillies. West Virginia by 2.

NC State at Florida State
The Seminoles were perhaps victims of forces beyond their control
last Saturday in Clemson. First, there was the specter of the
Tigers fighting to save Tommy Bowden's job. And second, there was
the extra Clemson inspiration derived from the presence of
James "Radio" Kennedy, the subject of the recent hit movie "Radio".
Radio was invited by Clemson to participate in the Howard's Rock
Run, and was given an autographed Tiger jersey. The hometown
gesture was a special moment, one that will be remembered by Radio
and the Tiger fans for some time to come. Florida State probably
went TOO far, however, when they allowed Radio to call most of their
plays. THIS weekend, it had best be the Seminoles that find
themselves some form of inspiration for their football game against
NC State. Normally, I'd say that two embarassing losses in a row to
the Wolfpack should be motivation enough to guarantee a Seminole
uprising. But, losing and playing poorly doesn't seem to affect
this team or its coaching staff. So, the danger is certainly there
for FSU to be humiliated at home again by ex-patriot FSU LB coach
Chuck Amato. Amato and his team operate on a fuel seldom burned in
Tallahassee...raw emotion. Still, look for the `Noles to drain
Chuck's tank on Saturday, thereby claiming another ACC crown. FSU
by 4.

Kansas State at Nebraska
Even though things this year remain far from what the Wildcat fans
might have expected, season's end could well find K-State playing in
the Big XII title game. A lot of people really believe that NO team
is actually good enough in the Big XII north to deserve a
championship shot. An even more important question might be if any
northern club is dumb enough to WANT a shot at Oklahoma. Look for
Nebraska to win this battle in an upset, perhaps simultaneously
losing the "brain brawl". Cornhuskers by 2.

Auburn at Georgia
It's becoming clear that the Auburn Tigers simply cannot win a big
football game. Trot out Western Kentucky or Louisiana-Monroe and
it's time for some Cadillac ranchin'. But when it's LSU, USC or Ole
Miss across the line, that one-dimensional aspect of Auburn football
suddenly rears its ugly head. The good news for Tommy's Tigers is
that THIS weekend's game is not now as big as some folks thought it
might have been only a few weeks ago. The bad news is that it's
still big enough to qualify as another big game failure in 2003.
I've tried my best to catch a whiff of an upset here, folks. But
until Auburn shows the ability to throw and then catch some passes,
here comes loss number five in a season many thought would lead to
the Sugar Bowl. Call it Bulldogs by 6. Also, a little memo to
Tiger Coach Tuberville....the next time Jill Arrington is
interviewing you, please remember that her microphone is in her
HAND. It's NOT in her bra. I just hope that Mrs. Tuberville, if
there is one, wasn't watching last Saturday. <g>

Texas Tech at Texas
OK, first things first. I blew it last week. For SOME reason, I
decided that Oklahoma was a Big XII NORTH team, and then I saw in my
crystal ball where OU might hook up with the Texas Longhorns again
this year. I got something like 100 letters on the subject...and
most of them were from Texas players insisting that there was NO way
they could play in the Big XII title game. But, before you crucify
me, hear me out. I'm not completely nuts. MAYBE Texas and OU
cannot meet for the Big XII title. But MAYBE they will meet again
this season. Sure, Mack's cattle have two humiliating losses on
their slate. But, they've quietly slipped back to fourth the BCS
standings. Texas is only 2 moderate upsets away from a date with
Oklahoma in New Orleans. Stranger things have happened, folks.
We'll just call it the Nebraska formula (sixty point loss, bypass
Big XII title game, sneak into BCS championship game). Texas is
just adding another loss to make it more interesting. OK, back to
picking this game. The Longhorns and their ridiculed coach had best
think things through. IF they're going to get a third loss this
year, would they rather it be some piddling little upset late in the
season, or another biblical smiting by Oklahoma in New Orleans. I
know what I'd choose, but I'm not crazy. Longhorn coach Mack Brown
IS a great recruiter, but that only means he's persuasive. Superior
recruiting addresses nothing about him being smart. From a job-
security and fan satisfaction standpoint, might make sense to
stumble over Texas Tech or Texas A&M, and then spend New Year's in
Dallas at the Cotton Bowl. Maybe it's less than Rhodes Scholar
material to keep winning, while praying for USC and LSU to fall.
What will Mack choose? Longhorns by 5.

Purdue at Ohio State
A lot of people still doubt Ohio State. Their offensive ineptitude
is a constant national source of ridicule and criticism. But as
they say, offense wins fans and defense wins championships. I'm not
saying that OSU is about to win any championships, other than maybe
the Big Ten. But, that "D" is still capable of winning a big game
for the Buckeyes, especially at home in their lucky Horseshoe.
Folks have described State's success this season as being "done with
mirrors". To a degree, that's somewhat true, but I don't think that
Joe Tiller and company are going to like the reflection they'll see
in the Buckeye mirrors on Saturday. My looking glass says that the
home team and defending national champs still have enough gumption
to win what will be a physical and low-scoring contest. Surprising
some people, Ohio State wins another Big Ten squeaker. Buckeyes by
3.