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THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
College Football's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
© 2003 P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
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Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2003 SEASON, through 10/25/03, is
GAMES FORECAST 365
GAMES CORRECT 275
PCT CORRECT 75.3%
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Wednesday, November 5, 2003
Louisville at TCU
Amid all this BCS talk of there being only "one undefeated team",
people seem to have forgotten about TCU. The Horned Frogs may not
have set the college football world on fire, but neither have they
crashed and burned, or at least they haven't yet. But, crossing the
BCS Gods is kind of like getting the Mafia mad at you. In such a
case, one is likely to receive a visit from the local hit man.
Wednesday night in Fort Worth, look for the hatchet man/men to be
wearing Cardinal helmets. Upsetting TCU while calming the college
football powers that be, call this one L'ullville by 2.

Thursday, November 6, 2003
South Carolina at Arkansas
Coach Houston's Hogs know a thing or two about slow-cooking. Last
weekend, they won their second 7-overtime game within two years.
One might expect the Razorback chefs to be a little tired after such
an encounter, especially considering the short turnaround Thursday
game here. But, like they say about ovens, they're probably just
getting warmed up. We all know that consuming raw poultry is
dangerous, so it might not be a bad thing if Arkansas took their
time to thoroughly roast Lou Holtz's Gamecocks in this contest.
Even IF it takes a little extra time, I see the home folks enjoying
the entree. In a close one, Arkansas by 3.

Utah State at New Mexico State
This contest just upsets me, as it features a hookup between two
groups of Aggies pushing pitchforks at each other. With the state
of American farming, you'd think that such animosity between farming
communities would be counterproductive. But assuming that both
Aggie clans ignore the famous "can't we all get along" plea of
Rodney King, I'd look for the Utah State harvest to be more
plentiful, even "down the road a piece" in New Mexico. USU by 4.

Friday, November 7, 2003
Colorado State at New Mexico
Sonny Lubick's Rams have been baaaaaaaaaaddd to the Prophet on more
than one occasion in 2003. But, that doesn't mean that I'm going to
be sheepish about picking them to win a football game. Biology
would suggest that any meeting of wolves and sheep will turn out a
certain way. But, as any Theory of Evolution opponent can tell you,
we can always ignore science. Look for Lubick's little lambs to
nibble victory, even in the Wolves' den, on Friday night. Colorado
State by 2.

Saturday, November 8, 2003
Penn State at Northwestern
Things looked pretty decent for Joe Paterno and his Knittin' Lions
last weekend. They had the defending national champs, Ohio State,
on the ropes. However at the last minute, the Buckeyes pulled their
usual rabbit out of a hat, and stole a win in State College. It
almost seems as if they (Ohio State AND the football Gods) were
teasing ol' Joe. Well, that shouldn't be an issue on Saturday.
Northwestern isn't the sort of team that teases anyone. And, the
even better news is that they're one of the few beatable teams on
State's immediate schedule. Getting win 339 for JoPa, the Lions
don't lose for the first time in weeks. Penn State by 3.

Washington at Arizona
It's probably time that someone take the Arizona kitties to the old
animal shelter in Tucson. Now, when one visits an animal facility,
you always see lots of fine animals who are just down on their luck,
animals that will be loved and adopted. And, there are always those
cute kittens and puppies, who people can see will become something
special. Again, adoption material. As for the Aridzona cats?
Let's just say that they'd best have their wills made out. If ever
a football team was a candidate for euthanasia, it's Arizona.
Washington by 14.

Georgia Tech at Duke
We all know that present Duke coach...make that interim coach...Ted
Roof is only filling space until season's end. After that, the Blue
Devil brass will be looking for a new headmaster. Some folks in
Durham longingly and foolishly hope/believe that ex-coach Steve
Spurrier might be available, assuming he can't survive Daniel Snyder
and the NFL. But, the truth is that Duke had best set their sights
much, much lower. Perhaps ex-Georgia Tech coach George O'Leary
might be interested in returning to the college game. I understand
that he might be working on a master's degree, and is only a few
hundred hours short of getting one. Then again, academics haven't
ever mattered at Duke, right? Speaking of academics, it doesn't
take a rocket scientist to see who'll get launched into space in
this game. Yellowjackets by 21.

Florida State at Clemson
Tommy Bowden grew to manhood well before daddy took over at Florida
State. And, it's too bad, really, because living IN Florida might
have saved him great problems in his present life. You see,
Florida's Department of Health and Human Services, other than
misplacing a few hundred foster kids, generally does a pretty good
job of watching out for our state's youth. They'd have never
tolerated the type of child abuse that Bobby dishes out to Tommy on
an annual basis. After the first couple of Bowden Bowl beatings,
Daddy would have found himself in the can, and young Tom might just
have a shot at keeping his job. FWIW, Bobby really SHOULD keep
things moderate up in Tractorland on Saturday night, for his OWN
good. IF Tommy gets sacked, it's a cinch that Jack Hines, a.k.a.
Tommy's brother-in-law and Bobby's son-in-law, is bound to be
unemployed, too. If Daddy wins toooooo big, his house is going to
be pretty damned full by New Year's. And, you know how it is with
family. Visits are fine, but when they move in..... Taking the
chance anyway, look for the ol' King of the Road to win another
family spat. Florida State by 10.

West Virginia at Boston College
This is the game that annually spans the socio-economic spectrum in
the Big East. On the home side, we have the toney and monied folks
from Chestnut Hill, Boston. Old-time rich folks. On the visitor's
sideline, it's Jed Clampett and the Morganton Hillbillies. What the
Bostonians call a violin, the WVU folks call a fiddle. You get the
idea, right? Speaking of fiddles, I don't look for the Mountaineers
to do a lot of fiddlin' around in Beantown during this contest.
Like most jilted members of the Big East, West Virginny isn't too
keen on being left behind by the ACC traitors in Boston, Blacksburg
and Miami. I see the hillfolk putting a good ol' "show `em"
whuppin' on the Eagles in this contest. Mountaineers by 12.

Fresno State at Nevada
This game is really just a family reunion. You've got the wild (the
Nevada Wolfpack) and the domestic (The Fresno State Bulldogs) side
(s) of the canine species, hooking up for a gridiron howlin'. FSU
West has made a bit of noise on the NCAA scene over the past couple
of years, but things tend to be quieting down a bit around the dog
pound in Fresno. So for this weekend's growl, I'm going to walk on
the wild side and pick the Wolves to win. Wild or tame, dogs tend
to be territorial, and I believe that Nevada will protect the home
turf. Wolfpack by 4.

Arizona State at Stanford
Palo Alto is becoming a Pac Ten version of the La Brea tar pit.
Much like the prehistoric phenomenon down in southern California,
gridiron beasts keep finding their way into Stanford Stadium, only
to become mired in Coach Buddy Teevens' muck. On THEIR visit, USC
barely escaped with their collective lives. UCLA didn't fare as
well, succumbing last Saturday. Look for the Tempe Sun Devils to
encounter the same entombment on their bay area bossa nova THIS
weekend. It's becoming a "Cardinal" rule to not take Stanford
lightly. I see another Pac Ten team paying the price for breaking
said rule on Saturday. In an upset, Stanford by 4.

UCLA at Washington State
The Bruins and Cougars have something more in common than simply
being members of the same conference. Both UCLA and Wazzoo have
lined up against (one of) the two best football teams in
America....and have been soundly trounced. So, both clubs know how
far they have to go to reach the pinnacle of college football
success....namely something like 35 or 40 points. Both teams also
have a surprising loss that few can actually figure. Last weekend,
the Bruins became "bad news bears" up at Stanford. And to open the
season, Washington State lost to Notre Dame. Notre Dame!! Egad.
This game is truly a crossroad(s) for both teams, and will define
where the remainder of this season leads. I believe that Washington
State will find their way back onto the road of success Saturday in
Pullman, and might yet get a major bowl bid. UCLA, on the other
hand, still has another beating to absorb from one of those two good
teams up ahead. The only "road sign" I see for Coach What's his
name and crew is "Detour". Washington State by 7.

California at Oregon
Everyone remembers that old kiddie game of duck-duck-duck-GOOSE.
Well, the "extreme" version of that game might go something like
duck-duck-duck-BEAR. For Saturday, I don't believe that the contest
will be child's play, but I do guess that the Berkeley Bears might
just get away with playing games in Autzen Stadium. This is
something that you never used to be able to say. The crowd in
Eugene is still feverish, but the football team just seems a little
sick. Not exactly child's play, but a road win nonetheless,
California by 4.

Missouri at Colorado
Here's another chance for "the best team that Gary Barnette's ever
had" to prove themselves against a Big XII conference member. The
Buffs have been showing some signs of life lately, and might be
ready to rumble in the Rockies on Saturday. Their opponent, the
Tigers of Mizzou, may be headed in a slightly different direction.
After starting the season with a bang, they've begun to fade into
the belly of the Big XII north. Look for home to be where the
Buffalo roam this weekend as, in an upset, Colorado makes a little
late season statement. CU by 2.

Army at Air Force
This Saturday finds "an Army of one" marching into Colorado Springs
for a contest with the Air Force. As with most of the Cadets' games
this year, the West Pointers just don't have the numbers to compete
with their opponents. Unless they can recruit a few ringers on the
trip west, I'd suspect this campaign to be doomed before the first
quarter is over. Air Force by 17.

Wisconsin at Minnesota
For the earlier part of 2003, both Wisconsin and Minnesota were
traveling first class in college football. But in mid-October, a
couple of "chokes" redefined where the Gophers and Badgers were
headed with the old pigskin. Wisconsin's QB was choked by an Ohio
State player, and later injured in another game, leaving Barry's
Rats somewhat less offensive in nature. And Minnesota simply
choked, coughing up a huge hairball in a fourth-quarter collapse
against Michigan. Since most Big Ten rivalries involve a contest
for some inanimate object (The battle for the little brown jug, the
old oaken bucket, granny's old enema bag....whatever), perhaps we
should re-christen this contest as the battle for the old hangman's
noose? If such an idea comes to pass, look for the Gophers to
tighten the old slipknot on the folks from Madison this Saturday in
the Homerdome. D'oh!! Minnesota by 8.

Illinois at Indiana
Like I said above, Big Ten rivalries always have some colorful
denotation. This contest could be the rumble for the lowest ladder
rung, as possibly THE two worst teams in the Big Ten fight it out to
avoid finishing 11th. It's kind of like a tournament play-in game,
in reverse. Indiana by 1.

Central Florida at Eastern Michigan
I see where Central Florida is leaving the Mid-America conference to
join Conference USA. God knows why they'd do such a silly thing.
Having half-baked conference members such as the mighty Hurons is
always good for a "W" or two, so why screw things up? This game may
actually be a little tighter than you'd expect. UCF's starting QB
has been kicked off the team for the old "violation of an
unspecified team rule". Hmmmm, whaddaya think? Doing dope or
contact with an agent? Knights by 6.

Navy at Notre Dame
Let's think a little about history.....It's been over forty years
since the Naval Academy defeated Notre Dame in football. Thinking
back to that day that Roger Staubach and the Middies triumphed,
Khrushchev was the Russian premier and the Cuban missile crisis had
yet to occur, bread was a dime a loaf and gas was 18 cents a gallon,
the worst teams in baseball were the Washington Senators and New
York Mets (some things never change...), you could still purchase a
new Studebaker, even rich people often still had black & white
television sets in their living rooms, football players
with "junior" status would always play another year before turning
pro, the New York Jets were still being called the "Titans", and
Notre Dame was getting ready to switch football coaches. This
weekend doesn't find us quite ready to see a repeat on that last
item, but Ty Willingham had best not lose this contest to Navy, or
he could find his support "sinking" fast. Sure this year is shot,
and the Irish are going nowhere. But, it'd be better for Coach if
the Irish went nowhere without a loss to Navy on their record.
Notre Dame by 3.

Nebraska at Kansas
Losing in a rout to Texas last weekend was truly, in the opinion of
most Huskers, for the birds. So this Saturday, they can take out
their frustration ON the birds in Lawrence. KU had some early-
season success, but those days seem far removed. Most roads in
Kansas are very, very flat. BUT, I'd expect a bumpy ride for the
home team when an extremely chagrined and annoyed bunch of Big
Redders arrive on Saturday. Settling last weekend's score, call
this one Nebraska by 20.

Wake Forest at North Carolina
UNC may be the Tar Heels, but it's going to take quite a while
to "heal" what's happened to the kids from Chapel Hill this football
season. The Heels have seldom been close, and THIS Saturday
afternoon. Jim Grobe's road sermons haven't been for the football
faint of heart, and I don't see any comfort being had in the home
pews here, either. Another Tar Heel pasting, call it Wake Forest by
16.

Alabama at Mississippi State
Say what you will about Tide Coach Mike Shula. He's got Alabama
football team in very select company. After last weekend's OT loss
to Tennessee, the Tide joins the mighty Duke Blue Devils as the only
team to have lost to Tennessee since early October. Saturday's trip
to Starkville will allow Brodie Croyle and the troops to mingle in
more common circles, joining the scads of squads that've trumped
Jackie Sherrill's Bulldogs. Alabama by 12.

Vanderbilt at Florida
Several weeks ago, Gator Coach Zook referred to "noise in the
system", describing the discontent around Gainesville with UF's
early third loss of the season. Ever since that comment, Florida
has been on the SEC road, and the subsequent upset wins have served
to oil the noisy "system" to a degree that allows a return to the
swamp. Things should continue to run smoothly for Ron and company,
as the Vandy Commodores are just the lubricant to grease an easy
homecoming win. I'm only assuming that it's homecoming in
Gainesville, but if it isn't....it ought to be. Perfect weekend for
the old grads to be in town. Florida by 20.

USF at East Carolina
Disney's "Pirates of the Caribbean" continues to rake in big dough.
And, there's every reason to believe that the forthcoming sequel
will be at least AS rewarding. However, Pirates haven't been as big
of a hit in 2003 CUSA football. And, the folks in the Carolinas are
hoping against hope that 2004 does NOT bring a sequel similar to the
season endured at ECU this year. If movie critics Ebert and Roper
were to rate the Pirate season, it'd definitely be "two thumbs
down". And speaking of "thumbs down", it's looking that way on
Saturday as the Tampa Bulls visit Greenville. This is one football
team from the Tampa Bay area that's capable of winning two games in
a row, unlike the world champion Buccaneers. South Florida by 10.

Tulane at UAB
The Green Wave of Tulane rolls into the steel city, and they're
looking to douse the flaming Blazers of UAB. Tulane's offensive
firepower might have some extinguishing capacity, but I believe that
their water supply will run out before game's end. That'll leave
the visitors from New Orleans "all burned up", or as they like to
say in the French Quarter.... "blackened". UAB by 12.

Texas A&M at Oklahoma
The teams on the Sooners' 2003 schedule have to feel like a bunch of
folks playing Russian roulette with a fully-loaded pistol. You can
spin the chamber however you so choose...but the end result is
always the same. Look for another visitor to Norman to go down with
a bang on Saturday. OU only has a few little hurdles on their trip
to the Sugar Bowl, and Texas A&M isn't one of the bigger ones. In
fact, they're not even a good speed bump on the Sooner Expressway.
Oklahoma by 24.

Iowa at Purdue
This could be a very interesting game. Both Iowa and Purdue have
had excellent seasons, and are hoping that top-ten reward(s) come
their way at the campaign's conclusion. The secret to picking such
an "even" contest will, in my view, be found in comparing each
team's result versus Michigan. Iowa won and Purdue got smeared.
But beyond that, it's how the games played out that matters. Iowa
simply wore the Wolverines down, and I believe they have the
capacity to do the same to the Boilermakers. Memo to Kyle Orcutt
and PU....you'd better get way ahead early, dudes. And then, hang
on. It says here they can't do it, even in the friendly vicinity
of West Lafayette. Iowa by 2.

Texas at Oklahoma State
If Mack Brown and the Texas Longhorns aren't careful, they just
might play themselves into the Big XII title game against the OU
Sooners. That's what they'd really like, right? Texas could have
an opportunity, if they just keep winning, to rewrite the recent
sorry history of their rivalry with Oklahoma, perhaps erasing some
of the national embarrassment suffered in numerous Red River routs.
That's what they'd really like, right? And besides, there's no risk
to the `Horns, were they to keep to winning. They couldn't possibly
get beaten in the title game any worse than they did in Dallas,
right? Mack and company just might want to do some long-term
planning on this Big XII title game thing. But for now, they'll
continue stumbling towards another Stoopes-afied beating in
December. In a close one, Texas surprisingly beats someone with the
word "Oklahoma" on their jersies. Longhorns by 2.

Michigan State at Ohio State
Columbus, Ohio plays host to this weekend's meeting of Big
Ten "almost" teams from LAST Saturday. Ohio State almost got
themselves beaten in Pennsylvania, while MSU almost pulled a miracle
comeback against Michigan. This weekend's contest is
another "almost" for both teams. Win, and you're almost a contender
to visit Pasadena. Lose, and you're almost without hope for a major
bowl. I almost went against the defending national champs on this
one. Like I said....almost... Ohio State by 2.

Tennessee at Miami(FL)
So, the Miami Hurricanes have complained to the Big East
about "cheap shots" taken at their center by Virginia Tech player
(s). Miami is complaining about cheap shots. Whew. Just for the
record, UM has never been famous for being choirboys themselves,
right? This has got to be a joke. And again just for the record,
isn't the Big East in the process of suing the University of Miami?
In light of that, let's just say that I'm SURE the Big East will
take a good hard look at Miami's complaint. Ha ha ha. The
Volunteers of Tennessee might present, on most weeks, a decent
challenge for the Hurricanes. UT's balanced attack is the sort that
plays well against Miami. But THIS Saturday, Miami will be looking
to get even against somebody/anybody. In advance, Tennessee might
want to ask the Big East to take a look at the cheap shots in THIS
game, too. Miami by 14.

Virginia Tech at Pittsburgh
I don't know about you folks, but I watched and enjoyed last year's
Fox trash-series, "Joe Millionaire". And although it's fashionable
to trash the sequel, I'm glued to the set every Monday this year,
watching "The Next Joe Millionaire". I feel the same way about this
Virginia Tech game. There is NO way I'll be any more entertained by
a Hokie victory than I was during last Saturday's vivisection of
Miami. But, that doesn't mean that the sequel will be any less
devastating or entertaining to the Tech opponent. Proving they
learned their road lessons up in West Virginia, look for Beamer's
bashers to shut down Pitt Saturday. We are, after all, talking
about a team that lost to Notre Dame. Egad. Hokies by 10.

Mississippi at Auburn
Everyone knows the story of Cinderella. Pretty girl, nothing really
going for her socially. Always pushed around and belittled by
homely, but well-off, step-sisters. Fairy Godmother appears and
turns her into a princess. Also turns pumpkin into fine carriage
and bunch of mice into horses. Ball goes great, meets prince, hook-
up seems certain. Clock strikes 12 and Cindy books, leaving behind
glass slipper. Everything goes back like it was, although prince
pursues her via lost slipper. When they finally meet, it's magic,
things go great. Step-sisters and step-mother get the shaft, etc.
Well, some folks might say that Ole Miss is the Cinderella of
college football, or at least of the SEC. They're 5-0 in conference
for the first time SINCE the story of Cinderella was written, or so
it would seem. But like the story goes, the clock has gotta strike
12, and things have to all fall apart. Well, I figure that this
game in Auburn has the "12 bells tolling" kind of ring to it. When
this dance is nearly done, Ole Miss will depart the immediate SEC
West race, and I'm not sure whether they'll leave any glass Nikes
behind at Jordan-Hare. And, even if they do, I don't figure Tiger
Coach Tommy Tuberville to be the prince charming kind of guy. He's
no fairy Godmother, either, although "mother" can sometimes be
attached to his verbal modifier(s). This is the game where the
rubber meets the old road for Ole Miss. It's been a fairytale so
far, but will become reality from here on. The Alabama Cats are
going to wreck the old pumpkin carriage, so let's call it Auburn by
10. And as for any happy endings, the Rebs had best not answer any
knocks at their door in the next couple of weeks. LSU ain't gonna
do no prince-charming crap neither. Show's over, folks.