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THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
College Football's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
© 2003 P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
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Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2003 SEASON, through 10/25/03, is
GAMES FORECAST 334
GAMES CORRECT 251
PCT CORRECT 75.1%

=============================================================

Thursday, October 30, 2003
Boise State at BYU
The Provo Cougars have done ol' Prophet bad lately. I keep picking
them to lose, only to be undone by a close BYU win. Perhaps I have
underestimated BYU's prowess on the gridiron?? If so, then I'll make
amends by saying publicly, here and now, that the Cougars are not
the completely mediocre bunch that I'd previously judged them to
be. That being said, we now turn our attention to the Potato State
Broncos galloping into Edwards Stadium on Thursday night. I'll
admit that I've always taken BSU lightly, and it probably has
something to do with that hideous blue playing field back home in
Idaho. But, this year's edition of the Broncos are definitely
horses of another color, and they've been stampeding opponent after
opponent. In fact, I believe Boise State to be one of the best-kept
secrets in college football. Let's just say that after Thursday,
it's going to be less of a mystery to the nation. Increasing the
volume on this horse whispering to a shout, let's say Broncos by 12.

Friday, October 31, 2003
Cincinnati at South Florida
....and in this week's edition of the ESPN Friday Night High School
game of the week, we find the USF Bulls hosting the Cincinnati
Bearcats. Ha ha, just kidding C-USA fans. Whenever I can't think
of anything really funny, I'll just opt for mean-spirited ridicule.
I WAS going to say something about Cinncy "shooting the bull", but
that wouldn't fit, as I think that old backwards FSU (U-S-F
backwards is F-S-U, get it?) will corral a win at home. Call it USF
by 3, maybe 31-28.

Saturday, November 1, 2003
Illinois at Iowa
The Fighting Illini have a war party headed into Iowa City on
Saturday, and fighting is a foregone conclusion. However, I find it
very unlikely that the Champaign Chieftains will succeed in adding
many Hawkeye feathers to their paltry 2003 war bonnet(s). Look for
the Iowa buzzards to do the Big Ten scalping during this shoot-
out. Iowa by 16.

Utah at Air Force
Coach Urban Meyer brings his tribe of mighty Utes into the lovely
springs of Colorado, expecting to initiate Mountain West war with
the Air Force Falcons. And while the USAFA boys may not fully
understand Utah's brand of "urban" warfare, they'll have a ready
military solution to the dilemma. Can you say indescriminate
civilian bombing? Utah's tough, but in Colorado, control of the
skies equals control of the battlefield. And, who knows more about
controlling skies than the Air Force? Look for a good game and a 6
point Falcon victory.

Virginia at NC State
Generally, stories with a surprise ending are valued in literary
circles as being special. But, the same is not true in college
football. The storied career of one Philip Rivers is drawing to a
close at NC State, but the final chapters aren't playing out quite
as the Wolfpack library guild would have wished. The logical ending
had NC State continuing to build on the earlier Amato-Rivers success
in Raleigh, perhaps culminating with a 2003 ACC championship and BCS
bid. Then, there was also the potential post script of a Heisman
Trophy. But, due to injury, there have been a few pages missing
from the standard happy ending that was envisioned, and the
surprising twist that seems to have developed has State slogging
into an obscure bowl game and a top-thirty ranking at best. And
Philip?? Many believe that the closest he'll get to New York in
December will be watching the Giants play the Vikings on
television...or to keep up the "literary" vein of this pick, reading
about it in the newspaper. The Virginia Cavaliers have had THEIR
share of injury issues in 2003 as well. Numerous games have been
played without editorial support of QB Matt Schaub or RB Wali
Lundy. So to sum up, this is a battle of what might have been.
This is one more chance to write the great college football
novel...or more accurately, "a" good college football novel. It
ain't going to be good enough for a Pulitzer, but the hardcover
effort of Al Groh's Cavaliers will "write" many of this season's
wrongs. Virginia by 2.

Clemson at Wake Forest
Last weekend, Jim Grobe and his Wake Forest Preachers were a part of
history, supplying Bobby Bowden with his record 339th major college
victory. This weekend offers another chance to help a Bowden pad
the old won-loss record, albeit on a much smaller stage. But,
something tells me that Clemson and Tommy-Boy might have a
little "daddy on the brain" problem Saturday. Bowden Bowl V is just
around the corner, and if the Tigers aren't really careful this
Saturday night, the annual dad and lad tussle will mean even less
than it already does. Close, but no cigar for the holy men. In a
squeaker, Clemson by 2.

South Carolina at Mississippi
Perhaps the greatest miracle in a season of weirdness would have to
involve the Ole Miss Rebels. Eli Manning and company opened 2003
with a 1-1 slate. They barely beat Vanderbilt, and then stormed
from ahead to lose to Memphis. Things looked to again be typically
mediocre in Oxford. Then, the Rebel timing improved. They caught
Florida BEFORE the Gators had decided to play as a team. They
hooked up with Arkansas AFTER the Hogs' flaws had been exposed.
Alabama came calling right AFTER Tide coach Mike Shula had deep-
sixed most of his available quarterbacking talent. Suddenly,
Mississippi was playing teams either BEFORE they had their "stuff"
together, or AFTER said "stuff" had hit the fan. And as any great
quarterback knows, timing is what matters. Now speaking of time,
Gamecock coach Lou Holtz has seen lots of time go past in his
career. If he had any clue as to what's making his Chickens tick
this year, I'd be certain Ole Miss was a done deal on Saturday. But
with the Gamecocks, Lou is as clueless as the rest of us. And
speaking of clueless, I'll confess that I really have no viable idea
as to how Ole Miss is still undefeated in the SEC, timing or not.
They're just not really any good. However, conventional wisdom has
always decreed that if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck,
then it must be a duck. Same thing with winning....somehow, the
Oxford gentry has found a way to walk the winning walk in their
J.Crew chinos. Now, we all know that LSU is going to beat the crap
out of the Rebs when that inevitable SEC-West defining moment
occurs. But until then, I'm not going to rain on a parade just
because I don't understand it. Somehow and someway, here's another
conference win for Eli and pals. Mississippi by 5, call it 28-23.

North Carolina at Maryland
Ralph's reptiles could be an even slower-moving target for UNC on
Saturday in College Park. The injury to starting Terp QB Scott
O'Brien has put the turtle "O" into an even lower gear. The time
would seem ripe for the Tar Heels to end their recent losing
streak. However, I'm assuming that the ACC will be sending
officials to referee this game. And, that's UNC's biggest problem
in recent weeks. They're playing their opponents tight, but they
can't beat the refs. No reason to see anything being done about
that on Saturday, either. Look for Maryland and the zebras to
continue the trail of tears for the Carolinians. Terrapins by 7,
call it 24-17.

Central Florida at West Virginia
After last Thursday's huge upset win over Virginia Tech, you'd have
to be worried about the let-down factor for West Virginia. And to a
degree, I'm sure that the effort and performance from the
Mountaineers won't approach the fever pitch of last Thursday's
show. But, I do believe that the hillbillies will have a few sips
left in that big bottle of whup-ass they opened up in the Hokies'
honor. And, Whup-Ass is a lot like Brylcreem...a little dab will do
ya! Mountaineers by 16.

Pittsburgh at Boston College
The administration at BC certainly had their reasons for choosing to
abandon the Big East. And, since the decision was announced, some
other incentives for moving to the ACC have been cropping. First up
was the beating absorbed in the Carrier Dome two weekends ago, as
the Syracuse fans chanted A-C-C in mockery. Look for the goings-on
in Chestnut Hill on Saturday to further support the intense wisdom
of leaving the Big East. Pitt should continue the jilted Big East's
vendetta against the Eagles, let's call it Panthers by 8.

Tulane at Navy
Green Wave QB J.P. Losman is on almost every list for post-season
awards. Johnny Unitas, Davey O'Brien....all of those trophies are
mentioned in the same breath with J.P.'s name. Now mind you, he's
far from being a front-runner. But still...it begs the question
that I'm about to ask. How in the hell can Tulane have such a
crummy record with so talented a field general? Well, as our Navy
pals can tell you, even the biggest battleship needs to be
defended. And as they'd say both at the end of a trial and at
Tulane, "the defense rests". This is actually a game that the Wave
could win on the road, but they'll have to prevent more points than
their offense is going to score. And, I'm not convinced of that
event happening. So, look for some choppy waters around Annapolis,
due to the influx of a Green Wave from down south. But in the end,
the Middies should find safe harbor with a close win. Navy by 6.

Colorado State at Wyoming
The Cowboys of Wyoming are headed to another Laramie round-up this
Saturday, only there's going to be a switch of mammal being
corralled. The old home paddock is going to be infested with
sheep, rather than the usual bovine barter. And, that's one reason
that things are bound to get woolly this weekend. Like a scratchy
sweater, Sonny Lubick's sheep are the types to really get you hot
under the old collar. So, look for the Cowboys to get chafed by
more than their chaps on Saturday. Colorado State by 10.

Arizona at Oregon State
The Corvallis Beaver patrol choked away a big win last weekend. For
most of a quirky game, OSU had the lead on highly-rated and
moderately-regarded Washington State, only to succumb at contest's
end. The Beavers' opponent for this week, the Mildkitties of
Arizona, haven't had any similar experience during most of their
2002 campaign. Not only has Arizona failed to blow any leads,
they've, for the most part, not even had any leads. Look for Oregon
State to seal the deal on Saturday. These guys from Aridzona are
one club that'll stay down once you get them there. Oregon State by
14.

UCLA at Stanford
Honest to God, I hate the Pac Ten. It's the strangest and most
unpredictable of all major conferences. Upsets are like nuclear
proliferation. You KNOW it's going to happen, it's just nearly
impossible to predict where. So, I'll make the following
disclaimer...even though the Bruins have improved under What's-his-
name, I KNOW they've got one more silly loss in there somewhere.
I'm sooooo tempted to pick it for this weekend, but I just don't
trust Stanford. It probably has something to do with the liberal
nature of the host university. So, staying conservative, let's go
with a recently proven winner, while expecting the worst. UCLA by 3.

Oregon at Washington
Ducks and Dogs. DD. Now, generally, anything involving the
letters "DD", as in double-D, will tend to interest the average, red-
blooded American male. But before we get up front of ourselves
here, neither of these teams can be considered truly top notch in
the spastic Pac Ten. It's not that either Washington or Oregon have
performed as total boobs. But, to paraphrase...you just don't know
if or when they're "stuffing", so to speak. As with anything out
west and up north, anything can and might happen. But, I do believe
that the Huskies home crowd support will snap the cups, oops I mean
pups, into a decent Saturday showing. Downing the Dux, call this
one UW by 6.

Northwestern at Purdue
After carefully reviewing last weekend's games, I have found a
serious inconsistency, something that might warrant a federal
investigation. Purdue, or at least the team wearing the Purdue
unis, made total putzes of themselves, rolling over in the Ann Arbor
big house. Northwestern, or at least the team wearing the Wildcat
garb, totally stifled the semi-respectable Wisconsin Badgers in
Evanston. I smell a cover-up. Do you suppose that Purdue and
Northwestern switched teams for last weekend? There has to be a
gambling angle to all of this. As for this Saturday, look for the
Boilermakers to bounce back with a 14 point home win, assuming that
Kyle Orcutt and company come out wearing black and gold. Purdue, 28-
14.

Michigan at Michigan State
The Michigan Wolverines have given us the entire spectrum in
performance this year. They've shown quintessential moments of
glory, trashing the two best teams in Indiana by a combined score of
79-3. And, they've sunk to unfathomable depths, losing to the Ditzy
Ducks of Oregon. These incredible swings mimic, to some degree, the
sort of personality variation often associated with heavy substance
abusers. And, that's where MSU Spartan QB Jeff Smoker comes in.
Jeff seems to have successfully dried up and out, and is leading his
Spartans with a (shall we say) "Rosy" fervor. If anyone will know
how to deal with the intense highs and lows that can be expected
from their Wolverine foe(s), it'll be Jeffrey. Look for big Blue to
need rehabbing after a Saturday with Smoker and company. State by 3.

Baylor at Kansas State
The sight of the hated Kansas Jayhawks flying into town last weekend
was just the tonic to heal the sickly 2003 Wildcat program. KU's
visit had the hometown K-Staters doing the Prince thing,
namely "partying like it was (back in) 1999". Look for this
weekend's Baylor Bear-call to continue the fun and games in
Manhatten. Getting better while taking another gulp of Big XII
conference vitamin(s), State wins big. Wildcats by 28.

Louisiana-Monroe at Auburn
Louisiana calls itself "the Sportsman's Paradise", but it was
anything but paradise last Saturday for Tommy Tuberville and his
Tigers. Auburn absorbed a cajun whippin' of a degree not seen
since, er....well.... September. Actually, if we clear away some of
Auburn's recent successes, the Tigers HAVE gotten their fannies
kicked three times this year. None of them were "just losses", they
were total beatings. So, it appears that Auburn is a team that can
be either very bad or very good. And, it looks to be a time
for "very good" as an "extremely bad" football team is coming into
town this Saturday night. And, with the Indians being from
Louisiana, let's just say that it adds a little bit of hot sauce to
the home cooking at Jordan-Hare. Tigers, on "very good" mode, by
35. Call it 42-7.

Duke at Tennessee
It took five overtimes last weekend, but Tennessee eventually
prevailed in Tuscaloosa. Things should be much easier this weekend
as Ted Roof and shoddily-shingled Duke Blue Devils roll into
Orangeland. Duke's season has been so poor that even getting to
overtime would be a major victory. Want another Duke overtime
slap? Duke is the kind of team that could lose an overtime game by
10 points. Phil Fulmer and company need a breather, and the Devils
are the perfect tank of O2. Breathing deep and winning easily, call
this one Vols by 30.

Army at UAB
The Birmingham Blazers came close last Saturday. They almost beat
the mighty Georgia Bulldogs, who were undoubtably thinking about
cocktail parties. As for the Army Cadets, last weekend was another
case of them almost beating whomever the hell they lost to. And, I
see both teams playing that "almost" role on Saturday. Army will
almost win and UAB will almost lose. Call it Blazers by almost 5.
UAB 21, Army 17.

Arkansas at Kentucky
My goodness, how times flies. Doesn't it seem like ages ago that
Arkansas was a pretty good football team? They were in the top ten,
and were looking into December Atlanta hotel space. But, that was
only about a month ago, folks. It's amazing was losing, losing and
losing again will do to your team and time perception. And as far
as Kentucky is concerned, doesn't it also seem like a long time
since they were a good football team? Has it really been sixty
years since Bear Bryant coached in Lexington? <g> Even though it's
an upset, I believe that Arkansas just might add another game or two
to this year's losing streak. I know what it looks like when a team
has reason to quit. UK by 2, call it 28-26.

UNLV at New Mexico
John Robinson's Rebs may describe themselves as "runnin'", but this
weekend, they'll find themselves dancing with the wolves of New
Mexico. These loco Lobos are somewhat unknown in the other 49
states, Puerto Rico, the US Virgin Islands, the naval base at
Guantanamo, Guam and just about every other US territory other than
the "Land of Enchantment". And although it's said that "what you
don't know can't hurt you", that's not the case for UNLV on
Saturday. Fear the unknown, Rebs. New Mexico by 10, call it 41-31.

Kansas at Texas A&M
If the Kansas Jayhawks ever get their own TV show, it'll probably be
on CBS. That's the network fast becoming the "medical examiner"
channel. There are about 5 shows already revolving around forensic
pathology. After what happened last weekend in Manhatten, Kansas
would qualify as needing an autopsy. Speaking of "the quick and the
dead", the Aggies of Dennis Frangione also lean towards the necro
end of the life scale. Killing off any further pathological humor,
let's just say that Kansas' season will require notifying the "next
of kin" after this dead end Big XII game is over. Aggies by 4.

Colorado at Texas Tech
Texas Tech is an amazing football team. It takes talent to score 5
touchdowns and still lose by 30 points on the same afternoon. It's
something that's rarely accomplished. The Buffs of Colorado have
been able to gain thirty point losses consistently during an injury-
plagued season. CU did, however, show a little life last weekend
against a bunch of Cowboy-focused Oklahoma Sooners. One thing
that's really made this sorry year in Boulder so difficult to take
was coach Gary Barnette's preseason assertion that the 2003
Buffaloes were one of the best teams he'd ever coached, ability-
wise. It kind of scares one to think what might happen when the
talent level slips a bit. Look for the Red Raiders to give the
Buffalo talent level a little shove Saturday in Lubbock. As for
Tech, there's extra good news....the only way they could lose by 30
points to Colorado would be to score in negative numbers. Red
Raiders by 14, call it 42-28.

Ohio State at Penn State
Things continue to spiral down for the old man of the Nittany
Mountains. Last weekend, Joe lost his status as division 1's all-
time winning coach. And, for the last three years, he's been slowly
losing the confidence of the Lion faithful. This weekend's home
hookup with the defending national champs could offer a chance at
fleeting redemption. The Buckeyes are big-time, but have hardly
looked unbeatable this year. They LOST on the road to a team that
couldn't even beat Northwestern. So, Joe has his chance to restore
some magic and luster to State College football. But sadly, here's
where we're at, folks....Joe needs a BETTER chance. Penn State just
isn't good enough to take advantage of how good Ohio State isn't.
(What a great sentence, huh?) Ohio State by 7.

Florida State at Notre Dame
Last weekend, FSU head coach Bobby Bowden became the all-time
winningest coach at the major college level. This confirms Bowden's
legendary and timeless standing in college football. This weekend,
his Seminoles travel to the very heart of the college football holy
land, Notre Dame Stadium in South Bend, Indiana. And, while winning
such classic matchups will enshrine a coach in fabric of college
football, Bobby has to hope this weekend's enshrinement is not also
an entombment. Quite a few legends have stumbled beneath the Golden
Dome. The Irish are having an off-year, but they can be counted on
to fight with a fervor in this high-profile hookup. I'd look for
the Seminoles to survive this pilgrimage with a hard-fought win.
But to all my Seminole brethren who make the trip....please light a
candle for Jeff Bowden in the Grotto. A little prayer might be a
good idea

Nebraska at Texas
You could say that Nebraska and Texas are similar football teams.
Both clubs have found disappointment with colossal and humiliating
losses on their slate. In that regard, Mack Brown's Texas Longhorns
are probably way out in front of Frank Solich's Huskers, having done
that "got beat, get better" two-step a couple of times this year.
In fact, they seem to be getting pretty good at the whole thing, so
I could imagine UT coughing up yet another Brown-engineered
hairball. But then again, imagination is sometimes in short supply
on the Nebraska side of the scrimmage line, so we might see
something a little different Saturday in Austin. Drug test me,
man. Texas, in an upset, call it `Horns 19-14.

Oklahoma State at Oklahoma
The annual Cowboy-Sooner clash is referred to, simply,
as "Bedlam". And FWIW, bedlam is surely what's going to occur in
the Sooner camp if OU falls to the Cowpokes for a third consecutive
year. They say that the third time of anything is "the charm", and
I'm sure that Okie State would be charmed to deny the Sooners
another shot at the national crown. State has played some damned
good ball this year, and they may be the best team OU will see
before New Orleans. But, let's just say that Bob Stoopes is just
not enough of a "charming" guy to let any third time charms screw
things up this year. Bedlam, indeed. Oklahoma, 30-21.

Georgia vs Florida (Jacksonville, FL)
Mark Richt has enjoyed unprecedented success at Georgia. After
subpar eras featuring Ray Goff and Jim Donnan, the Athenians feel
that "Dooley's Dogs" have been reborn. About the only area of
Bulldog ball in which Mark still needs training would be the annual
tussle with the Gators. Folks call it the "World' Largest Cocktail
Party", which might be part of the reason Richt keeps stumbling away
from Jacksonville. You see, Mark is a clean-living teetotaler, and
maybe the whole idea of the cocktail party just doesn't work for
him. In short, he cannot hold his liquor. Now, I'm not saying or
suggesting that Mark become any kind of lush, but he'd better
develop a tolerance FOR surviving a few cocktails. Otherwise, the
folks at Georgia might just shorten his bar tab. No particular
reason, folks, but I have a feeling that the Dawgs are going to have
another round of DUI issues in Jax on Saturday. In an upset, call
it happy hour for the Gators and THEIR bartender, Ron Zook.
Florida, 22-21.

Washington State at USC
Wazzoo might have gotten caught looking ahead to THIS contest a bit
last weekend. And, had it not been for a furious rally, the Cougars
could had said "leave it to Beaver" for their Rose Bowl and BCS
hopes. But for this week, all the preliminaries are over, and it's
time for the "game of the year" in the Pac Ten. Things have already
been burning in the LA area, but come kickoff time, the Trojans and
Cougars are going to turn up the heat in the venerable Coliseum.
Quite a few people have difficulty in believing that SC actually
lost to the California Bears. Likewise, folks find it almost
fictional to imagine Notre Dame beating any team of merit,
especially one such as Washington State. At least whomever loses
this game won't have any real difficulty explaining away THIS loss
to a quality opponent. So....who's going to Pasadena and who's
going to Tempe? Washington State may have an offense hotter than a
Santa Ana brushfire. But, I think Pete Carroll's firemen are going
to be successful in dousing the Cougar blaze. Still willing to
visit New Orleans, but more likely spending the holidays in southern
California, call this one for USC. Trojans by 9.

Miami at Virginia Tech
A lot of folks are willing to chalk Virginia Tech's collapse at
Morganton up to "looking ahead". Well, the good news for the Hokies
is that the Miami game is finally here. The bad news is that
the "winner of the Tech-Miami" game is no longer set for a trip to
New Orleans, unless of course the winner turns out to be wearing
orange and green. I think that Frank Beamer will quit slapping
players and then focus all the energy of his program and crowd on
defeating UM Saturday. I also think that it's not going to be
enough, as the `Canes will slither away with a hard-fought win.
Looking ahead might have cost Tech a great season, and after
Saturday, all they'll have left is looking back at what might have
been. January seems a little late for a hurricane in New Orleans,
but the forecast is shaping up that way. Miami by 10.