= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
College Football's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
© 2003 P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2003 SEASON, through 10/18/03, is
GAMES FORECAST 301
GAMES CORRECT 226
PCT CORRECT 75.1%
=============================================================

Wednesday, October 22, 2003
Virginia Tech at West Virginia
Most folks believe that the winner of the upcoming Miami-Virginia
Tech game will get an invitation to the grand ball in New Orleans.
But, for the Hokies to have any chance of dancing in the Big Easy,
they'll have to side-step this weekend's barn hootnanny up in
Morganton. The West Virginia hillbillies are definitely going to
have a new step or two, and Frank Beamer's boys had better be ready
to dance. Virginia Tech will also be sure to get some of that "A-C-
C" love this is dogging the Big East deserters on their final pass
through hostile conference territory. But, something tells me that
the Mountaineer fiddler can't play fast enough to slow down Virginia
Tech's waltz to the Sugar Bowl. So, look for Tech to fiddle around
with West Virginia for a while, but they'll eventually shut down the
party with a 14 point win.

Thursday, October 23, 2003
Maryland at Georgia Tech
Ralph's reptiles really, really needed for Virginia to defeat
Florida State last Saturday night. And although things were close,
things didn't come up the way Maryland wished, which makes it less
likely that the turtles can crawl back into the BCS picture. So,
when they carry their resulting non-tropical depression into Atlanta
on Thursday night, it might lead to another rainy ACC day for
Maryland. Look for Georgia Tech to give the Terps' fans another
reason to switch over to the World Series in this contest.
Yellowjackets by 4.

Saturday, October 25, 2003
Rutgers at Temple
I'm in a forgiving mood. Last weekend, I picked the Scarlet Knights
to upset Pitt, only to see them trailing 42-0 at halftime. But,
Pitt quit and Rutgers rallied, trimming the final defeat to a
respectable 10 point margin. OK, it's not the upset that I
predicted, but it justifies my confidence in the Scarlet boyz
ability to supercede their mediocrity. And, speaking of mediocrity,
such a level would be an improvement for the Temple Owls. The
brainy birds couldn't even stay within 40 points of a sleepwalking
bunch of Miami Hurricanes last weekend. If Rutgers can just relive
last weekend's second half a little longer, they can deliver me a
Prophet win, albeit a week late. Scarlet Knights by 4.

Notre Dame at Boston College
John Paul II may be in poor health, but he's doing jumping jacks
compared to the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame. This weekend's
Vatican Bowl will feature two angry football teams looking to prove
something to their respective gridiron flocks. Look for BC to abuse
Notre Dame Saturday in Chestnut Hill. Then again, maybe I should
use a verb other than ABUSE for this call. "Abuse" has an ugly ring
when used in conjunction with young men in the Catholic community of
Boston, right? Let's go with a tried and true Southern verb...I see
the Eagles whupping the Irish, call it something like 28-20.

Syracuse at Pittsburgh
Last weekend in Syracuse, the Orangemen supporters mocked and
chanted "A-C-C" at Boston College. The act both intimidated BC and
motivated Syracuse, who posted an upset win. Both clubs in THIS
game have been rumored to be baited for an eventual move to the Big
10, assuming of course that Notre Dame cannot be coaxed out of their
gridiron bachelorhood. But, both the Orangemen and Panthers should
really consider sticking around the Little East for a couple more
seasons. Once Miami and Virginia Tech clear out, THIS might become
THE annual and de-facto conference title game. On this weekend,
it'll only be a battle for a tier 4 bowl. Then again, after Miami,
Virginia Tech and BC leave and the Mountain West replaces the Big
East in the BCS, it might STILL be a battle for a tier 4 bowl. Time
for more lawyers. Pittsburgh by 2.

Troy State at Virginia
The Cavaliers did just about everything right in last weekend's home
loss to FSU, except actually win the game. This Saturday, look for
Al Groh to find the final piece to the victory puzzle, as the
undermanned Trojans of Troy, Alabama charge into Charlottesville.
And, if enough of last Saturday's record crowd will just find their
way back to Scott Stadium, showing that they care in the process, I
see this weekend being better than the last. Virginia by 14.

USC at Washington
This is the sort of game that shivers my timbers, to steal a little
pirate line. The Pac Ten has always been a confusing conference,
one that defies logic in prognosticating games. And within the
conference, the Washington Huskies may be the most confusing squad.
Talent-wise, they're capable of BCS status. Performance-wise,
they're lucky to be in division 1. They're a little bit like a wad
of chewed up gum. It's not much use in the grand scheme of things,
but when someone comes along with a shiny pair of new shoes, you get
a big, sticky mess. I wonder how difficult it is to remove chewing
gum from Trojan armor? Look out, Rebel Fred. In a squeaker, call
this one USC by 3.

Arizona at California
The Mildcats aren't going anywhere in the Pac Ten this year. In
fact, they've already sacked their opening-day coach. It might be
that the only way that Arizona could again find their way to the
front of the sports section might be to fire two head coaches in one
season. While the brass in Tucson ponders that P.R. suggestion,
look for this contest to buried on the back section of the
newspaper, under "FAR WEST, other...." California by 8.

BYU at UNLV
There are lots of schools that long ago named their stadium(s) for
coaches and school administrators. As time went on, OTHER great
coaches came along and the stadium names have been amended. That's
how Alabama ended up with Bryant-Denny Field, for example. My
point? I don't believe that BYU will have to make any changes to
recently-named LaVelle Edwards stadium in the foreseeable future.
About all the Cougars may find themselves doing is naming a new
coach. UNLV by 7.

Arizona State at UCLA
This weekend offers the ASU Sun Devils a rare chance to complete a
bi-coastal sweep. State eked out a win on the Atlantic coast last
Saturday, defeating the hapless North Carolina Tar Heels by the
slimmest of margins. And, if ASU wants to collect some winning
sands near the Pacific just seven days later, they'll have to play a
much better football game. UCLA seems to be coming on under coach
What's-his-name, and the Sun Devils may find that the left coast is
best left alone. Then again, this IS the psycho Pac Ten, so maybe
not. In an upset, call this one ASU by 1.

Oklahoma at Colorado
Nutritional guides will tell you that buffalo meat is extremely
lean. Well, that menu note is especially true in Boulder this year,
as Gary Barnette and company are having the leanest of years. Look
for Bob Stoopes and his still-amazingly-hungry Oklahoma Sooners to
apply a healthy helping of tenderizer to the CU seasonal stew. I'm
sure the Sooners will really turn up the heat at Folsom Field, but
it really isn't necessary. The Buffs have been done for quite a
while. Oklahoma by 21.

Iowa State at Nebraska
The Cyclones of ISU plan to blow into Lincoln for a weekend dust-
storm. And speaking of breeze, the loss to Missouri a couple of
weekends ago could have taken the wind from the Husker sails, had it
not been for the timely arrival of Texas A&M on the Nebraska
schedule. There's nothing like beating the crap out of a conference
opponent to make you feel better about yourself. Look for the
Husker self-image to get even better after Saturday's game. The
only "blowing" in Lincoln is going to be Iowa State being blown out
of town. Nebraska by 17.

Texas Tech at Missouri
Last weekend, the Red Raiders of Tech were defeated by Oklahoma
State, falling by the ridiculous football score of 51-49. Sounds
kind of like the old "wacky WAC" days before the creation of the
Mountain West, doesn't it? Actually, it sounds more like a Bobby
Knight basketball score. As predicted by Prophet, the reason Tech
lost was that although they COULD score, they couldn't keep Okie
State from scoring, too. This game will be the exact opposite in
cause and effect. We know that the Raiders can score big. Missouri
can put points on the board, too. But, they'll never be able to
match Texas Tech point for point. It'll be like trying to clean up
Niagra Falls with a mop. So, look for the Tech offense to again be
the deciding factor in a 6 point win in Columbia. Let's call it 48-
42.

Kansas at Kansas State
According to many prognosticators, KU and K-State are two Plains
State programs headed in opposite directions. The Jayhawks seem to
be on the rise, while Bill Snyder's felines have lost their
scratch. And, it's easy to understand where these generalities are
coming from. Other than a ridiculous loss to Colorado, the Jayhawks
have played solid football this year. And K-State?? Hell, they
lost to Texas. Texas! Mack Brown's Texas!!! No wonder Prozac
sales are up in Manhattan. I think things might be a little
different for both sides on this weekend. I'm not totally
convinced that the Jayhawks have left the old "so-so" nest. And, I
believe that rumors of State's complete collapse are premature.
Now, I'm not saying that Kansas State is anywhere near as good a
football team that some had forecast going into the season. But, I
don't think they're average enough to lose at home to their hated
pals from Kansas. Wildcats by 3, call it 20-17.

Ohio State at Indiana
Jim Tressel's defending national champion Buckeyes have decided to
take another big risk this weekend. For only the second time this
year, OSU is daring to venture away from Columbus and the
Horseshoe. The last Saturday jaunt away from home cost the Bucks a
long winning streak. In the process, a chance to repeat as national
champs may well be gone, too. And surprisingly, State will now even
need help to win the Big Ten. So, you can understand why the
Buckeye fans are nervous. But not to worry, folks. The last time
you left town, you were playing a team that was at least capable of
tying their shoes. That's not the case this Saturday. Getting
their first roadie of the year, call this one Ohio State by 14.

Penn State at Iowa
I see where Penn State receiver Tony Johnson was arrested for
driving under the influence of alcohol. Apparently, this Nittany
Kitty had spent a little too much time at his milk saucer, lapping
up White Russians. But, upon learning that Tony had just been
forced to watch video of the Penn State offense's most recent
performances, his inebriation was deemed "probably justified" by the
State College town court, and all charges were immediately
dropped. I'm just kidding folks. Tony's ass is still in a legal
sling. Don't any of YOU drink and drive. And, don't go betting on
Penn State this weekend. Iowa has something to prove in Iowa City,
and they're going to prove it first to Penn State. Hawkeyes by 10.

Wisconsin at Northwestern
It's been a rough couple of weeks for the Badger program. Last
weekend, Purdue passed them to death, winning a big game at Camp
Randall. The week before, some guy on Ohio State's defense tried to
choke QB Jim Sorgi in an after-play pileup. Neither event is likely
to occur on the road this weekend in Evanston. First of all,
Northwestern isn't going to pass anyone to death. And second of
all, these Northwestern kids are brainy...if they wanted to kill
someone, they'd use a much more insidious method than openly choking
their victim. So, other than perhaps testing the team hotel for
deadly DNA-engineered killer viruses, Wisconsin should be able to
survive the road trip in good spirit and health. Badgers by 17.

Army at Cincinnati
Army's new head coach lost his first game at the helm last weekend.
It was close, but he lost. In Army terms, you'd have to call it an
orderly retreat. Any great military historian will tell you that
some of the greatest victories in recorded history have begun with a
retreat. In the Cadets' case, this probably means nothing. But for
Army and its supporters, it's something to cling to. Bearcats by 6.

NC State at Duke
Another one bites the dust. Last weekend, Duke chose to terminate
the contract of Coach Carl Franks. Before anyone accuses the
Dookies of being hasty, Carl HAD managed to lose something like 27
ACC games in a row. I read somewhere where he had to win AN (as in
one) ACC game to remain coach after this year. Boy, talk about
lowering the bar! But, since the school administration had lowered
the bar as far as it would go, they were forced to lower the boom
after seeing mighty Wake Forest race to a 42-0 HALFTIME lead over
the Blue Devils. The interim Duke-head is assistant coach Ted
Roof. Something tells me that the folks in Durham will be re-
roofing their program by season's end. Just as a friendly
suggestion, let me suggest that Duke seriously consider hiring FSU
offensive coordinator Jeff Bowden. We'd be glad to let him out of
his contract. As for this weekend, look for Phil Rivers and company
to tear the roof off venerable Wallace Wade Stadium, new Devil coach
or not. What?? Wallace Wade doesn't HAVE a roof? Oh well, that
just makes it easier for the Pack. NC State by 28.

Vanderbilt at South Carolina
Have you seen those motel commercials that Lou Holtz does on
television? He's talking about how important "road trips" can be.
When the businessman he's talking to says "it's only a sales call",
Lou goes postal. "THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS JUST A SALES CALL" he
whines at the top of his lungs. Well, I can just hear him saying
the same thing when someone describes this weekend's visit from
Vandy as sure win. "THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A SURE WIN, SON!"
Sure there is, Lou. Relax and enjoy. South Carolina by 16.

North Carolina at Clemson
In a season where nothing has been certain, this weekend's contest
in Clemson looks to be an easy one for the hometown Tigers. But, as
Lou Holtz would say, "THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A SURE WIN, SON".
And, Lou would have more of a point if he were coaching in this
contest. Clemson has improved, as last week's near-miss at NC State
would demonstrate. But, the Cats also have a ways to go, again
evidenced in the manner that they continually shot themselves in the
foot last weekend. That near-miss could have easily been a big
win. So, Tommy can't afford to look ahead to the opportunity to
bully his little brother's offense in a few weeks. For now, he
needs to keep his mind, and his team's minds, on North Carolina.
Mission accomplished at Death Valley. Clemson by 10, call it 34-24.

Mississippi State at Kentucky
Jackie Sherrill's timing stinks. The way that whole "I'm retiring"
business is supposed to go is as follows: You call a melancholy
press conference, the week before your team plays a HOME GAME
against a mediocre opponent. You tearfully announce that you're
hanging up your whistle after the season, and insinuate that you'd
really like your troops to win one for the old man. DON'T make your
announcement before a road trip to Auburn. That immediately turned
the plan into "let's try not to get completely and throughly
annihilated for the old man". I'm not sure that the UK Wildcats and
their jumbo QB Fatty Lorenzen are the proper opponents to cater a
retirement party. But, at least there's a chance they'll serve hors
d'oeuvres. Let's take a chance on shifty Sherrill. Mississippi
State wins with an upset in Lexington. Bulldogs by 2.

UAB at Georgia
"Sleepwalking" would describe Georgia's win last weekend over
Vanderbilt. The first half performance was particularly
narcoleptic. It is, however, true that the Dawgs woke up in plenty
of time to secure a convincing win. Mark Richt had best start
waking his pups up a little earlier in their games, though.
Although an early wake-up call won't be necessary as UAB comes
calling this weekend, next Saturday's cocktail party will require a
more punctual arrival. Look for Georgia to put out the Blazers with
a minimal and unspectacular effort. Call it Bulldogs, 42-17.

Louisville at East Carolina
Pirates are supposed to know how to handle birds....especially
bright, red birds. If the feathery wonder makes too much ruckus,
just cram a cracker in his mouth, right? Well, that may work for
parrots, but Cardinals don't like crackers, preferring a seeded
mixture for sustenance. And, this year's ECU Swashbucklers have
played a pretty seedy level of football. So, I'd look for
L'ullville to put on the feedbag, even far, far away from their old
Kentucky nest. Cardinals by 10.

Wake Forest at Florida State
The Demon Deacs may bring some fire and brimstone to Saturday's tent
revival, but they'll not be preaching to the converted. Seminole
boss Bobby B has been known to ascend the pulpit now and then, and
his sermons are usually gospel in Tallahassee. We FSU fans can only
hope he'll end this heretic idea of his son being offensive
coordinator before the revelation of evil consumes the Seminole
program. But on this weekend, I don't see any biblical floods or
burning bushes to indicate anything unholy for the home team.
Florida State by 14, call it 31-14.

Oklahoma State at Texas A&M
Texas A&M has only two chances to win this weekend's game, and
neither is a really good bet. First, the game is being played at
Kyle Field. The solidarity of the 12th man, along with the haunted
ghosts of all those Aggie dogs buried out front, might just align
the stars in A&M's favor. It IS, after all, getting pretty close
to Halloween. And more importantly, Okie State might just still be
winded from all the scoring they did last weekend against Texas
Tech. They might be too pooped to party. Nahhhhhhh, Cowboys by
10, call it 27-17. And again speaking of Halloween, thank God
Oklahoma State is the visiting team here. Otherwise, they might be
tempted to wear those horrid all-orange pumpkin suits in honor of
the witching holiday.

Texas at Baylor
Two good things happen to support Texas' continued healing process
on this weekend. First, they're playing away from Austin, so the
folks showing up at the game won't be carrying ropes and knot-tying
manuals. And second, the `Horns opponents are the Baylor Bears.
That would be the same Baylor Bear squad that coughed up 73 points
to Texas A&M, a team that traditionally doesn't know offense from
oatmeal. Only Mack Brown could screw up such a sure win, but I
still don't see it on Saturday. It's an easy win for the
Shorthorns, call it Texas 42-7.

TCU at Houston
Even on the road, this should be another reasonably easy win for the
still-unbeaten TCU Horny Toads. But, they might want to check the
IDs of the Houston Cougar players. We're getting to that time of
the year when the BCS folks might start to panic. I wouldn't put it
beyond them to slip a few ringers into the Houston line-up. Are the
NFL Texans playing in Houston this weekend? Just remember, all of
those "three letter" organizations (FBI, CIA, IRS, BCS, etc....) are
capable of unimaginable evil. Horned Frogs by 10.

Oregon State at Washington State
A lot of people were shocked and amazed to see Washington State gain
six spots in the national polls two weeks ago, WITHOUT EVEN PLAYING
A GAME. So much for the massive effect of "Separation Saturday".
And, Cougar fans are now wondering why their poll cats aren't
gaining as much respect in the composite BCS standings. But, that's
what losing to Notre Dame can do to you, at least THIS year. And,
in the "what goes up must come down" department, I'll say that WSU's
rise in the polls will be immediately inverted when their inevitable
first conference loss occurs. Two losses, with one of them being to
Notre Dame, will punch your ticket for the Sun Bowl. But for this
weekend, the Cats get to remain in the high country, although it
could get scary with a pack of wounded Beavers trying to chew up
Pullman. Wazzoo by 9, call it 38-29.

Arkansas at Mississippi
Arkansas is one of those teams that have consistently and completely
boned me this year. Every time I decide that they're solid and
climb on their bandwagon, they choke like an Ohio State linebacker.
And, when I give up on them, suddenly they're good enough to beat
the Atlanta Falcons. I'd like to just wipe these pigs from my slate
for the rest of the year, and let them wallow in their own filth.
But, I'm still committed to make picks on these big games. So, with
the inevitable knowledge that you end up in the mud when you mess
with hogs, I'm going to boldly predict that Arkansas will end Ole
Miss' unbeaten run in the SEC. It'll be close, maybe something like
29-26. And now that I've picked the Razorbacks, the Rebel faithful
will realize what an incredible favor I've done them. Please send
your checks to my home address, `yall.

Tennessee at Alabama
Back before conference expansion destroyed much of the SEC's
tradition, Tennessee against Alabama was religion. This game always
occurred on the third Saturday in October. So, based on pre-
expansion history and doctrine, that makes this contest "late".
And, it might be appropriate because life is getting kind of late
for both Tennessee and Alabama in 2003. (TOO late, some might
say.) Unlike in the moderate past, this weekend's contest won't
mean much outside Tuscaloosa and Knoxville, but it'll still be a
war. And unlike real wars, where it's tough to know who actually
won, NCAA football wars have a clear victor....and loser. And
something tells me that Tennessee will be better prepared for a
loss. Folks up in Big Orange country have already used their white
flags, both in the Georgia and Auburn games. So, that makes them
ready for what awaits on another trip into Alabama. I don't know
how they'll do it, but Mikey Shula's Tide will find a way to beat
Tennessee on Saturday. Tennessee might even help them do it.
Alabama by 4, call it 28-24.

Purdue at Michigan
All of the talking heads keep insisting that Michigan is the odds-on
choice to win the Big Ten. It's felt that the Wolverines have the
most favorable remaining schedule. After looking the slate over,
I'd agree that it appears easier than the road to Pasadena faced by
the Purdues and Michigan States of the world. But, big Blue still
has to find a way TO beat said Purdues and Michigan States, not to
mention the Ohio States. The trip to East Lansing might be
especially gooey. As for this weekend, I believe the lactate left
in the Boilermaker muscles after the hard-pounded win at Wisconsin
should be enough to anerobicize up Purdue's first conference loss of
2003. But, Michigan and John Navarre still have to show up and play
football, something they've occasionally neglected to do. I really
hate for ESPN know-it-alls to be proven right, but for this
Saturday, I think they're on target. Michigan by 3, call it 24-21.

Auburn at LSU
One of my favorite "Louisiana" songs was done by Mary Chapin
Carpenter. I'm sure you've all heard it, "Over at the Twist &
Shout". Speaking of twisting and shouting, I somebody's tail will
get twisted in this Saturday battle of SEC-West cats. Sure, Ole
Miss is still unbeaten in the conference, but I really believe that
this catfight is the one that'll determine the western part of the
December SECCG party in Atlanta. Nick Saban and LSU recovered
nicely from the Florida debacle with last weekend's easy win over
South Carolina. And Auburn seems to have the Cadillac in high gear,
having long removed the monkey wrench thrown into the Tigers' early
season by USC. As you probably know, cats are very territorial.
And, you probably also know HOW cats mark their territory. Saturday
night is going to feature a whole lot of scratching and pissing.
And whichever club wants to win had best do more scratching than
pissing around. It'll be close and hard-fought. But when the
caterwauling ends, look for Auburn to do the twisting while LSU does
the shouting. Getting a huge road win, call it for the `Bama cats.
Auburn, 21-18.