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THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
College Football's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
© 2003 P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
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Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2003 SEASON is
GAMES FORECAST 199
GAMES CORRECT 154
PCT CORRECT 77.4%
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Thursday, October 2, 2003
West Virginia vs Miami
Thursday night marks the final visit by West Virginia to Miami, at
least during Miami's Big East tenure. The Hillbillies haven't fared
too well with the UM during their Big East brotherhood. Traveling to
the Orange Bowl is never easy, and this year won't be any better for
the Mountaineers. Be it on the football field, in the parking lot
or out on I-95, it's a cinch that West Virginia is going to get
themselves killed on Thursday night. I wonder if you can get
a "frequent dier" card at the Dade County Coroner's office? Miami
by 24.

Houston vs East Carolina
When ECU produces the "highlight video" for 2003, I'd suggest they
title it "Pirates of the Piedmont : The Curse of the Long, Long
Season". Things haven't gone very well up in Greenville, but
there's (at least hope) for this Thursday evening. The Pirates are
lining up across from a team that they actually have a slight chance
of beating. You'll note, however, that "slight" is not the same
word as "good". Houston by 3.

Friday, October 3, 2003
Oregon vs Utah
Normally, having their heads in the clouds would be a good and safe
thing for a flock of ducks. But last Saturday in Eugene, it cost
Oregon's Ducks dearly, as they were pressed and roasted to a crispy
brown by the Washington State Cougars. And while not discounting
the merits of Wazzoo, I really believe a lot of that loss had its
seeds in the previous week's win over Michigan. The truth about
Oregon in 2003?? I think they're not as good as the team that beat
Michigan, and not as bad as the team that was scalded by Washington
State. That should make them just good enough to fly by Utah's
Utes in a close contest. Dux by deux.

Saturday, October 4, 2003
===== Bulletin =====
October 4th is my 23rd wedding anniversary. I know that many of you
find it almost impossible to believe that any woman would love and
live with me for 23 days, much less 23 years. But Lady Prophet
continues to endure and even prosper. And, she loves college
football nearly as much as I do. In honor of our 23rd, I am
emulating my beloved FSU Seminoles, and have scheduled a "bye
week". Instead of camping in front of ESPN Gameplan all day
Saturday, my wife and I are traveling to Maine for a long weekend of
foliage, colonial inns and lobster. Hopefully, the rest in New
England will render me more capable than ever of predicting college
football, as we head into the meat of the schedule next Saturday.
Here are this week's Saturday picks:

Richmond vs Maine
As you've just read above, Prophet and his lovely lady will be
spending this weekend up north. So, that means that the great state
of Maine will be hosting TWO winners on Saturday. I'm making a call
on this game as a favor to my New England hosts, and I'm predicting
good news for the Black Bears. Call it UM by 7.

Jackson State vs Florida A&M
The Florida A&M Rattlers have won their last two football games by
the absolute skin of their collective teeth. Both wins were last-
play wonders. Unfortunately, the Rattlers' play in each game's
first 59 minutes and 58 seconds has so disgusted their fans as to
almost completely empty the home stands shortly after halftime. So,
there is good news times two in Tallahassee this weekend. FAMU will
win this game sooner, rather than later. And, that means that
perhaps a few thousand more fans will actually see it happen.
Florida A&M by 7.

Virginia Tech vs Rutgers
Here's a "one last trip to Jersey" Saturday for Virginia Tech. With
next year's move to the ACC, these little hook-ups with Rutgers are
being reduced to fond memories. The 2004 scenery will change for
the Hokies, but it doesn't mean they're going to miss out on the
annual chance to take out the conference trash, so to speak. If you
dress the Scarlet Knights in blue and teach them to say "y'all"
instead of "yous guys", they turn into Duke. As for any mystery on
this weekend in New Jersey? Fuhhhhhgettaboutit. Tech by 24.

Wisconsin vs Penn State
I think we're beginning to see the end of the road for Joe Paterno.
Surely, the winningest coach in Division-1 history isn't going to
want to keep coaching during what is obviously becoming a rebuilding
operation. JoPa has lost three games in his lead over #2 on the all-
time list since the beginning of the season, and now only leads by
one win. The good news is that Joe won't be tied on THIS Saturday.
But, he may still be "fit to be tied". Staying in the lead because
of FSU's bye week, Penn State loses again, this time by 9. It may
be time for a Prozac refill at the old Happy Valley pharmacy.

Air Force vs Navy
Way back in the 1960's, I was fortunate enough to attend a football
game between Air Force and Navy. (I lived in Colorado Springs at
the time). The pageantry and patriotism is something that I
remember and enjoy to this day. Things were a bit different back
then, though. Navy was really good, and Air Force stunk. Times
change. Falcons by 21.

Clemson vs Maryland
Tommy's Tigers got a gift two weekends ago. They found themselves
an easy win against a conference opponent more focused on "talking
the talk", namely Georgia Tech. But, the bad news for TB and
company is that Rotund Ralph and his reptiles are more of the "walk
the walk" variety football team. So, look for Maryland to walk over
Clemson at home this Saturday in College Park. After a two week
absence, the sharks in Death Valley should be circling again after
Clemson's 10 point loss on Saturday.

Arizona vs Washington State
The brass at Arizona finally took action this week. Sick of
watching their beloved Wildcats wither and die, they sacked coach
John Macovic, replacing him with the team's defensive coordinator.
And, while the new guy will probably get along better with his
players, the change isn't going to equal victory Saturday in
Pullman, unless the folks at UA are willing to replace all their
players, too. Wazzoo gives it to Arizona big-time Saturday, Cougars
by 17.

Oregon State vs California
One factor in Cal's upset win over USC last weekend was
motivation....serious motivation. Apparently, the SC faithful had
engaged in a little pregame victory dance and parade in Berkeley,
and the locals didn't care much for the assumption of victory. The
shoe could be on the other foot a bit this Saturday, as the Beavers
of OSU waddle down from Corvallis. But assuming that Coach
Teddington and his triumphant Bears can avoid any insulting pregame
celebration, they'll be reasonably assured of a happy post-game
party. Cal by 8.

Washington vs UCLA
I just don't know about this game, folks. It's just missing
something. Last year, I could have had my fun in playing up the
Rick Neuheisel versus Bob Toledo thing. You know my
shtick....cologne-laden west coast pretty boy going up against a
blustery, underachieving slob. But now, UCLA is coached by Karl
Whats-his-name. And I don't even remember the Husky leader's first
name. So for the Prophet, this game is missing something really
big, namely the opportunity for serious humor. Speaking of missing
something, the UCLA offense seems to missing everything. So, I'll
leave it to all of you to figure out why I have this niggling little
notion that the Bruins are going to spring an upset. Throwing
caution to the southern California winds, I boldly pick UCLA to win
at home, call it by 3. And, when I'm wrong, maybe I'll be replaced
by someone that none of YOU can remember.

BYU vs San Diego State
Generalization doesn't always equal truth, but I think it's safe to
describe Brigham Young University and its students as "more
conservative" than average. So, you've got to know they're going to
come across some sinful thought and practice in that they'll dislike
while in the San Diego area. Unfortunately for the Cougars, some of
the debauchery is going to occur on the football field in their game
against San Diego State. Look for the Aztecs to be a little too
liberal for folks of Provo persuasion on Saturday. SDSU by 1.

UNLV vs Nevada
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Why the bit of wisdom?
Because in truth, ANYONE stupid enough to make a pick on a game
between two Nevada football teams is nuts. I guarantee you that
every member of the Reb and Wolfpack teams already knows the point
spread, over/under and all that other crap involving this game. The
Nevada QB and the UNLV defensive end probably have the same bookie.
OK, I've stated my subtle disclaimer for this pick. UNLV's greatest
moment of this so-far young season was their road win
against "mighty" Wisconsin. Nevada's greatest moment (so-far) in
2003 will be sharing the same field as the team that beat
Wisconsin. UNLV is a better team, and should win this game. Sure,
it's a rivalry game, but calling it a battle for Nevada is silly.
We all know that the Mafia controls Nevada. So, assuming that it's
not a matter of disrespect, let's call for what ought to happen.
Look for the Wolfpack to get whacked in their hometown by some out-
of-town muscle from Vegas. Running Rebs by 8.

Minnesota vs Northwestern
Last weekend found Minnesota and Northwestern on the opposite end of
the Big Ten "hole", so to speak. The Gophers were digging
themselves a conference win, and extending their successful season
at the same time, beating Joe Paterno's anemic Nittany Lions. And
Northwestern?? They were getting buried over in Columbus. Look for
more of the same on both issues THIS Saturday. I see the Wildcats
being at the bottom of the hole, while the Gophers continue
shoveling dirt on top of them. Dig that?? Minnesota by 7.

Indiana vs Michigan State
OK, I'll get off Jeff Smoker and the MSU Spartans. They've
apparently kicked their habit of underachievement and are on the
straight and narrow path of righteous victory. I guess Jeff just
had to get all the chemicals out of his system before he could start
finding his receivers among all the paisley elephants running around
in the secondary. Hopefully for Smoker and his Spartan supporters,
he can stay on the wagon, and will drive State to greater glory.
Speaking of depressants, I'd say the Indiana Hoosiers are a Class
III controlled pharmaceutical in their own right. Other teams seem
to be in the HABIT of beating them, right?? Therefore, I'm
prescribing a 14 point home victory for Michigan State.

Troy State vs Nebraska
Last Thursday night, the Cornhuskers roughed up Southern
Mississippi, a team that goes by the motto "anyone, anytime,
anywhere". It's part of USM's move to become more prominent in
college football. This weekend's NU victim seems to be operating
under the same premise, traveling all over America in search of
beatings from high-profile programs. The result on Saturday in
Lincoln will be more of the same seen last Thursday in Hattiesburg.
Look for the game but undermanned boys from the south to go down
quickly. Nebraska by 21.

Akron vs Miami(OH)
The Mid American Conference has certainly ravaged the football world
in early 2003. Time after time, MAC teams have ambushed and burned
bigger name opponents. As for this pick between two MAC members,
let's just consider this....Akron's team goes by the "Zips"
moniker. And, it's an appropriate name because that's what Akron
has contributed to the MAC's out-of-conference success. Zip. And
on Saturday against Miami, that's the chance that they have. Zip.
Red Hawks by 21.

Fresno State vs Colorado State
FSU-West's canines are headed into Fort Collins, in search of
employment. And although BULLdogs are not specifically trained for
herding sheep, they'll be able to do the job on Sonny Lubick's lost
flock. The bad news is that if Fresno doesn't stay on task, they
might do a little more hurting than herding on their Colorado
vacation. However, I see them playing the role of wooly boogers up
in the Rockies, so look for the Bulldogs to growl away with a 10
point win.

Michigan vs Iowa
After last weekend's East Lansing surprise, you gotta figure that
Iowa is looking to get even with the state of Michigan. And while
revenge is certainly an admirable emotion in sports, the Wolverines
are definitely the wrong target against whom to right any past
wrongs. Lloyd Carr and company have already had enough bad
surprises on the road this year, and I don't see them putting up
with any foolishness on Saturday. Wolverines by 6.

Illinois vs Purdue
Both Illinois and Purdue experienced turning points in their season
openers. The bad news for the Illini is that the two teams turned
in opposite directions. Building some momentum in the Big Ten race,
look for the Boilermakers to stay on track Saturday in West
Lafayette. Purdue by 16.

NC State vs Georgia Tech
A couple of weeks ago, Tech QB Reggie Ball declared that Georgia
Tech would "win out", going undefeated through the rest of their
schedule. Since that point, the Jackets have gone 1-1, which is
actually an improvement over the first three games of the season.
But looking back, I'm beginning to think that Reggie was looking at
somebody else's schedule, don't you? NC State has shown a
propensity to surrender points ALMOST as fast as they score them.
The key phrase is, of course, ALMOST. The Tech "D" might be able to
hold Phil Rivers and company to 35 points, but I don't see any way
in Hades that Mr. Confidence and company are going to post 36.
Wolfpack by 7.

Mississippi vs Florida
Our local newspaper recently stated that UF freshman QB Chris Leak's
next "challenge" will be Ole Miss leader Eli Manning. Now, I admit
that Chris' comparison to Eli will be a nice measuring stick for a
young fellow who's going to be a great QB. But "challenge" seems a
little dramatic, don't you think? Then again, Eli might be more of
a challenge for Chris than the Rebel secondary. Last weekend, Texas
Tech proved that the Ole Miss "D" is full of holes. So, it
shouldn't surprise anyone to see them spring another "leak" on
Saturday. Gators by 14.

Virginia vs North Carolina
The Cavaliers have to be excited about the return of senior QB Matt
Schaub to their lineup. His leadership and talent have been sorely
missed. I understand that his shoulder is still pretty tender.
Assuming that to be the case, I'd say this will be another week of
consistent convalescence for the Wahoo signal-caller. That North
Carolina defense is going to be the next best thing to a cortisone
shot. Speaking of "shots", I don't think the Heels have one on
Saturday, even at home. Virginia by 14.

Vanderbilt vs Mississippi State
The Starkville Bulldogs now, apparently, have the NCAA's longest D-1
losing streak. Or maybe it's ONE of the longest. Whatever. When
I'm writing this newsletter, I just don't have time to get my facts
straight. <g> Anyway...Mississippi State also has a 9-game SEC
losing streak. And while that sounds awful, it's nothing compared
to what Vanderbilt has achieved over the past 5 years. Their
present conference futility has reached 19 games. So, the question
is whether Vanderbilt is going to stand by idly while the Bulldogs
threaten their prominence at the bottom of the SEC. Focusing for a
moment on another sport, you know that putting aside all
that "sportsmanship" nonsense, it's a sure thing that Roger Maris
would have put a banana peel on the clubhouse steps to keep Mark
McGwire from breaking his home run record. I figure Vandy will do
the same on Saturday. The hard part will be figuring out a way to
lose to Jackie Sherrill's pound puppies. It'll be a challenge, but
the Vandy kids are smart. Mississippi State by 1.

Tennessee vs Auburn
After a disastrous start, Tommy Tuberville's Tigers have perhaps
righted their ships. Even with the precipitous drop in the polls,
Auburn remained undefeated within the SEC, and are now a major
factor in the race for the western title. Confidence is important,
and maybe even sexy, as James Coburn used to say in those cheesy
Aqua Velva commercials. But before War Eagle expectations soar too
high, we have to remember that Auburn hasn't beaten ANYBODY who's
actually worth a damn yet. And, they're still as one-dimensional as
a Jennifer Lopez movie. Three things killed them opening night
against USC. Number one, they absolutely could NOT throw the ball.
They still can't. Number two, the USC defense was active and
mobile. Their speed easily matched that of Auburn. And number
three, USC was able to move the ball effectively via both the run
and the pass. In other words, they were balanced. As for this
weekend? Well, let's just say that Tennessee kind of reminds me of
USC, only Tennessee might be a little bit better. (sorry, Fred)
The opening nightmare that Tiger fans are hoping to erase from their
collective memories might just be back on Saturday, wearing bright
orange "T"s on their helmets. Even on the road, I'm calling this a
win for Tennessee. Volunteers by 7.

Colorado vs Baylor
When I saw the Buffs in Tallahassee two weekends ago, I realized how
decimated they were due to injuries. It's true that Colorado may
have more than half their team on the disabled list. But based on
some of the things I've heard coming out of Waco, some of Baylor's
players may actually be dead. Oh sorry, my bad...those stories were
about basketball players. But, you can certainly see my
confusion..the Bears haven't exactly played like live wires this
year. Injured or not, CU gets another win on the road this
Saturday. Buffalo Ralphie and company should graze long enough for
a 9 point conference win.

Army vs TCU
If I'm not mistaken, military academy cadets undergo some form of
survival training during their time in school. So, I'm sure that
the Army boys have been faced with the prospect of eating frogs.
Unfortunately on Saturday, Army will probably lose the numbers game
in Fort Worth. There's just going to be too many frogs to swallow
for the Cadets to have any chance of surviving with a win. TCU by
14.

Texas A&M vs Texas Tech
The Red Raiders have given up more point this year (by far) than the
Aggies have scored. So, here's the question that'll solve this
contest's equation....is the Tech defense bad enough to make A&M
respectable offensively? Almost. Texas Tech by 3.

Oklahoma vs Iowa State
OK, this pick is going to be our audience participation special for
the week. Can any of you think of any reason that Oklahoma will
have any problem winning this game by a large margin? Road game?
Come on, we're talking about a team that lost to Northern Illinois
last weekend. Oklahoma could beat them on Neptune. Big game
against Texas next week, maybe the Sooners are looking ahead?
Maybe, but something tells me that OU will still be able to stop
laughing long enough to clobber the Cyclones. OK, since none of you
can think of any reason NOT to pick OU big, I'll admit that I can't
either. Look for the Cyclones to be the ones getting blown away
Saturday in Ames, as Bob Stoopes' Troops take aim at another Big XII
win. Sooners by 28.

USC vs Arizona State
All it took to move the SC Trojans from (near) the top of the
football polls to last place in the Pac Ten was a quick trip to the
bay area. The Men of Troy HAD been livin' large on their out-of-
conference success in 2003. Now, in just this first week of
October, Pete Carroll and company find themselves in the prickly
situation of being out-of(the)-conference race if they stumble one
more time. If USC wants to do something about those upstarts up in
Pullman, they'd best take care of business Saturday in Tempe. On
the road again, with a little bit better result, call this one Tin
Soldiers by 12.

Alabama vs Georgia
This game will be some serious sheet, folks. Alabama is coming off
two consecutive home losses, one of them being a conference flop
where they pissed away a 21 point third-quarter lead. Georgia has
had two weeks to stew over their loss in Baton Rouge. Both teams
will be in no mood for compromise, and can be expected to give no
quarter. My local newspaper had a story today of interest in
picking this game. Apparently, some Crimson Tide fan held a gun to
his son's head and pulled the trigger, following Alabama's wrenching
loss to Arkansas. Keeping in step with the Tide's recent
performance, he somehow and thankfully missed. But, that story
sums this game up. The folks in Georgia ARE angry and ready to get
back to winning football games. But to my knowledge, nobody's
started shooting at their kids yet. Call this one a desperate upset
win for Alabama and little coach Shooola. Crimson Tide by 1.

Kansas State vs Texas
The Longhorns, under their mediocre leader Mack, have a well-
documented pattern of collapse in "big games". So, to decide about
this weekend's contest with K-State, we just have to decide if the
contest is big enough to warrant predicting another Brown-out in
Austin. Looking a little further into the crystal ball, it may be
that THIS game isn't the real story. It's actually what will happen
next week for (or perhaps to) Texas. NEXT Saturday brings a trip to
Dallas, accompanied by the annual Sooner swoon. With such a
momentous and nightmarish thought in their heads, is it not possible
to imagine Texas losing two games in a row? This could be the
beginnings of a true Big Mack attack, or should I more correctly
say "Big Mack Combo"? In an upset, Ell Robertson returns and leads
K-State, with a helping hand from the Cat defense, to a road victory
in Austin. Kansas State by 3.