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THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
College Football's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
© 2003 P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
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Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2003 SEASON is
GAMES FORECAST 164
GAMES CORRECT 131
PCT CORRECT 79.9%
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Thursday, September 25, 2003
Nebraska vs Southern Mississippi
So far this year, both the Cornhuskers and Golden Eagles have been
somewhat disappointing to their fans. For USM, it started with a
two point trip out to Berkeley. As for Nebraska, the problem also
has two points. The first point is that the Huskers aren't winning
enough. And the second? When they DO win, it's butt-ugly.
Thursday night will mark a change for one of these clubs. After the
ESPN telecast ends, one group of fans will step up from grumbling to
growling. It's also a guarantee that whoever wins this game WILL
win it ugly. But, the loser is going to look even worse. Turning
up the southern heat on Solich, look for USM to start this weekend's
college action off with a bang. In an upset, Southern Miss wins at
home, call it by 3.

Saturday, September 20, 2003
Connecticut vs Virginia Tech
After fiddling around for thirty minutes with Texas A&M last
weekend, the hometown Hokies cranked things up and flushed the
Aggies in the second half. Speaking of flush, which leads us to
thoughts of water, the remnants of Hurricane Isabelle didn't make
things very pleasant in Blacksburg. The Hokies can only hope
they'll be as successful with another group of Hurricanes later in
the year. But for Saturday, look for UConn's Huskies to get an
unwelcome bath at Lane Stadium, hurricane winds or not. Hokies by
16.

Missouri vs Kansas
The Tigers of Mizzou probably thought they'd get last weekend off.
All they had to do was take care of business with a little-known
Middle Tennessee team that was headed into Columbia. Well...
several overtimes later, the cats escape with a 1 point win. As for
their opponent THIS weekend, the KU Jayhawks are coming off a much
softer Saturday. Then again, they did schedule a division 1-AA
team. Saturday should find things getting a bit more serious in
Lawrence. This is Big XII time for the Hawks and Tigers, so as they
say...it counts. And for Missouri, the conference race can't start
soon enough. Those out-of-conference games are beginning to take
their toll, you know. Look for Kansas to give Mizzou what MTSU
couldn't or wouldn't do last weekend, namely a day off. An easy
start to a long conference season finds Missouri clawing themselves
a 12 point win on the road.

Indiana vs Michigan
They say that those who fail to study history are doomed to repeat
it. That was certainly true last weekend, as Michigan continued the
disturbing historical inability of the Big Ten to defeat the Pac Ten
on the road. So, perhaps Lloyd Carr and company need to spend a
little extra time reading their history books. And while that's
perhaps a bit dry, there is good news. History books are usually
divided into specific chapters. And, the chapter regarding home
conference games against lesser members of the Big Ten has a much
happier ending for the big M. Getting things right again in the big
house, call this one Wolverines by 14.

Iowa vs Michigan State
When I missed the pick on last weekend's Michigan State-Notre Dame
game, I heard from a few Spartan fans after the MSU win. But, the
victory in South Bend didn't disprove my theory that Michigan State
is, at best, mediocre. It only enhanced my burgeoning distrust and
doubt as to Notre Dame's future. As for this weekend, we find the
same average (at best) bunch of Spartans opening their home
conference slate against the Iowa Hawkeyes. UNLIKE Notre Dame, the
Hawks ARE winners this year, and they're winners based on
performance and record, not reputation. If the home fans want to
leave this game happy, they'd best bring videotapes of the Notre
Dame game to keep themselves occupied. What's happening on the
field isn't going to be something they'll want to remember. Iowa
by 12.

Northwestern vs Ohio State
Ohio State reminds me of Karl Wallenda. Does anyone remember
Karl? He was the daredevil who walked a tightrope in so many
famous places around the world, always without a net. He walked
between the two towers of the World Trade Center, to my
recollection. Well, everything was fine and dandy, and all agreed
that Karl was both brave and talented. We sometimes forgot how
lucky he was, too. Did you notice that I said "forgot" and
not "forget"? Yep, one day Karl was tight-roping down in Puerto
Rico and up comes a little breeze. Bye, Karl. So, the only
question we really have to answer about Ohio State and their
continued tightrope act is whether Northwestern is a big enough
breeze to bring this show to a close. FWIW, I don't think so, but
Buckeye fans had best look out below....I see some serious
windstorms up ahead. Ohio State by 10.

Notre Dame vs Purdue
Have you noticed that people are not using words like genius around
Tyrone Willingham anymore? In fact, after the two week flop against
anything involving Michigan, the words being used around South Bend
probably shouldn't be uttered in the shadow of "Touchdown Jesus".
Good thing that this one's on the road, huh? Most teams strive to
develop consistency. Notre Dame had better seek consistency in
something other than what they've been doing consistently for most
of this season. Purdue by 10.

Iowa State vs Northern Illinois
THIS year, having Northern Illinois on your schedule is becoming the
football equivalent to finding out that your son has been named
grand marshall of the local Gay Pride parade. It's just not good
news. Will Iowa State join Alabama and Maryland in the "learned the
hard way" club? Sure, why not? Proving that three is not a crowd,
Northern Illinois adds another notch to their out-of-conference
belt. Huskies by 7.

Maryland vs Eastern Michigan
Eastern Michigan returns home this weekend, and they're hoping to
help themselves to a vat of turtle soup, what with Ralph Friedgen
and his Terps coming into town. However, the Chippewas might want
to re-read the evening menu. Considering that the Michiganders got
themselves routed last weekend by Navy (Navy?? Navy ?? Navy!!),
I'd say that there's some serious issue as to who is going to be
eating who on Saturday. Look for Maryland to vary the recipe for
soup into something more like Chippewa Chowder. Maryland by 30.

Florida vs Kentucky
If you live in Florida, you know how schizo Gator fans can be on
those sports radio call-in shows. They can go from the highest
highs to the lowest lows in just a period of days. And after last
week's loss in the swamp to Tennessee, we're on the downswing. Most
of them have indicated that UF might only win two or three more
games this year. THIS YEAR! That's certainly gloom and doom.
But, the bad news for Kentucky is that THIS week's game is one of
the few that the doomsayers see as a win. I wonder if UK fans ever
call sports radio shows? Probably, but I'm betting it's usually in
basketball season. Come to think of it, Gator fans might start
mentioning Billy Donovan more often than Ron Zook as the season
moves on. I guess the state of Florida DOES need one basketball
school, right? For this week, the Gates are also a football school,
dribbling themselves a 12 point win on the road in Lexington.

North Carolina vs NC State
The good news for North Carolina is that LAST week, NC State gave up
more offensive yardage to one opponent than the Tar Heels have
gained ALL year. (or close, I realize that I'm probably
exaggerating a bit...) The BAD news is that LAST week, NC State also
won more games than the Tar Heels have all year. Look for the
Wolfpack to do a little something about that yardage problem this
week. NC State by 17.

Louisiana-Lafayette vs North Texas
I saw that the Louisiana-Lafayette abbreviation on the ESPN score
ticker is "UL-LAF"....as in "you'll laugh". I already see a smile
coming to the collective faces of North Texas' Mean Green. Look for
the home folks in Big D to have a real giggle on Saturday. It's no
laughing matter for UL-LAF, but this game should be a home team
laugher. North Texas by 28.

TCU vs Arizona
I kind of hope that Arizona does NOT fire John Macovic at the end of
this season. In fact, I'd like to see Dapper John get a five-year
contract extension. From a strictly humor standpoint, it'd be
interesting to see exactly how bad a major conference football
program could actually become. It only takes the right
coach. : ) TCU by 20.

Minnesota vs Penn State
After watching parts of Penn State's first few games, it's apparent
that points are going to be hard to come by for the Nittany Lions.
That also means that Big Ten victories may be few and far between.
So, Joe's cats had best make hay while the sun shines, so to speak.
And, this weekend's forecast up in Happy Valley calls for sunshine.
Look for State to dig up both the Golden Gophers AND a conference
win. PSU by 7.

Ball State vs Boston College
Before last week's game against Miami, all I heard anyone talking
about was how BC always gave UM fits up in Chestnut Hill. Watch for
an upset, blah blah blah. Well, I watched a lot of that game,
before becoming more interested in Northern Illinois-Alabama, and
all I saw was an Eagles team that was lucky to score any points at
all. If the Eagles want to rule the Big East nest after the
Hurricanes and Hokies leave, they'd best get "on the ball". This
weekend, that's what I expect to see happen. Getting on and over on
(the) Ball Staters, call this one BC by 14.

Wake Forest vs Virginia
When Cavalier QB Matt Schaub was injured, Virginia's promising
season took a turn towards average. Never one to discount any
possibility, UVA coach Al Groh has decided to seek divine help and
intervention, in an attempt to heal Schaub and the Cavs' season.
However, the locals may find that the revival show coming into
Charlottesville on Saturday isn't of the curative variety. These
are Demon Deacons, and they're bringing a message from down below.
Virginia MAY need some preachin', but their Saturday prayers will go
unanswered. Wake Forest by 2.

Toledo vs Syracuse
Forget al-Qaeda. The true menace to life as we know it in America
has to be the Mid-America conference. These guys have been ravaging
name conferences and programs right and left since this season's
opening shots were fired. We'd better step up the NCAA alert status
to code orange. But, that's not to say good things are in store
for the Orangemen. Scoring another rogue terrorist win, look for a
MAC Rocket attack on Saturday. Toledo by 3.

Navy vs Rutgers
OK, we had a little quiz on last weekend's Prophet, and it turned
out that we had the answer keyed in wrong. Let's try again....

Which of the following events are LEAST likely to happen in our
lifetime(s)?

(A)Madonna will open-mouth kiss Yassar Arafat.

(B) The French will be right about something. (Note...this seems
easy, but do remember that recipes and food preparation, as well as
nasty movies, are included in the broad criteria of "something".)

(C) Navy will win two football games in a row.

(D) Chris Rix will make only mature and intelligent life strategy
choices, with an emphasis on the needs and feelings of others.

(E) Notre Dame will join the Mid-America conference. (maybe as a
means to start beating Big Ten teams??)

OK, I'll admit that this question is really a toss-up between "C"
and "E". Here's the funny part, though....unlikely as it may
seem, "C" is actually going to happen on Saturday. Look for the
Middies to drop their anchors in Jersey this Saturday...right onto
the helmets of the Scarlet Knights. Navy by 2.

Arizona State vs Oregon State
Have you noticed the number of major college teams that have scored
only 2 points in a football game this year? Last weekend, ASU hung
up the deuce in their contest at Iowa. I'd expect things to be a
little better for the Devils on their trip into Corvallis. But,
they're still going to have a problem involving 2 points. That's
how many more points I see the OSU Beavers winning this game by.

South Florida vs Army (just for you, Matt!)
Generally, sending a herd of prized Florida Bulls into the US
Military Academy would signal the makings of a king-sized barbecue.
However, considering USF's extra-tough cut, the Cadets had best be
sharpening up their butcher knives. Otherwise, this might not be
the feast that anyone at West Point expects. This game will be more
of a stampede than a barbecue. South Florida by 14.

Stanford vs Washington
This may be one of those weekends that Stanford coach Buddy Teevens
wishes he'd stayed back at Tulane. First of all, there was that
nifty domed stadium. It would surely come in handy up in rainy
Seattle. And second, road trips at Tulane rarely included hookups
with bad-ass squads like the Washington Huskies. Buddy's career is
going to the dogs, even IF his salary is up, up, up. Washington by
16.

USC vs California
One Trojan fan wrote to me and described this weekend's trip to
Berkeley as USC's "first big Pac Ten test"? I'd agree with his
assessment, but I'd have to make a few little alterations. First,
I'd subtract the word "big". Next, I'd change "test"
to "cakewalk". I'm not discounting the rivalry angle, but I'm
realistic. A win is a win, but this racking of Cal is nothing more
than another "W", it doesn't add anything to USC's national
credentials. SC will have to find somebody better before any
Trojans get tested. Look for Professor Pete Carroll and his
proctors to flunk the Bears, call it USC by 21.

San Diego State vs UCLA
I wonder if UCLA Coach Karl Whats-his-name knows the name of the
Oklahoma punt return specialist yet? The Bruin boss might have been
a slow learner last weekend in Norman, but he probably picked up
enough to avert another Uclan loss this week. Winning at home, the
Bruins will defeat SDSU by 7 points. I wonder if the BCS Godfathers
will claim that this visit to Pasadena by the Aztecs qualifies as
Mountain West participation in the Rose Bowl? Don't laugh,
folks...anything can happen if lawyers and Congress are involved in
something.

Arkansas State vs Memphis
The Indians of Arkansas State head east towards Memphis for this
weekend's football action. And, if they want the trip to be
successful, they'll stop just short of the mighty Mississippi, where
they'll stop and build a casino. It's the only way for Arky State
to come up aces on Saturday. Like the song says, "don't cross the
river if you can't swim the tide", or in this case, "beat the
Tigers". Memphis by 14.

Texas Tech vs Mississippi
The Lubbock Red Raiders have to still be scratching their
heads....how could they gain 600+ yards of offense last Saturday at
NC State and yet lose? And, they didn't just lose, they were
routed. Oh well, if anyone knows anything about putting up big
offensive numbers and losing football games, it's Ole Miss. The
only defensive stands that'll occur on Saturday will be IN the
stands, as the Reb and Raider fans try to defend the performance of
their respective defensive squads. For a change, look for Tech to
gain yards AND win a football game. Red Raiders by 7.

Georgia Tech vs Vanderbilt
True Tech freshman QB Reggie Ball learned the hard way last
weekend. Reggie ran his mouth after a narrow loss in Tallahassee,
declaring that the Jackets wouldn't lose again in `03. Now, I can
understand his confidence, heading into a confrontation with mighty
Clemson, but still....one must learn to do one's talking ON the
field. Believe me, as an FSU fan, I completely sympathize with
teams experiencing stupid behavior at the QB position. But, at
least Reggie's just a kid...he should grow up and out of such
silliness. Speaking of growing, look for the Nashville fans to
grow tired of Reggie running around in the contest with their
Commodores. RB's judgement may be lacking, but he's got the
necessary skills. And after last weekend, he might just have
motivation, too. Georgia Tech by 8.

South Carolina vs Tennessee
Tennessee's return to Knoxville, following their swamp victory, had
to be a thing of joy. Factor in the Georgia loss at LSU, and things
are lookin' good in Big Orange country. An easy win against South
Carolina would just be another positive step in what's shaping up as
a good 2003 at Tennessee. No question that the Vols are a better
team than USC-East. But, Phil Fulmer and company had best keep an
eye on evil Lou Holtz and his accomplice son Skipper. These guys
are crafty and are expert motivators. If UT shows up with less than
(at least) a C+ effort, they could lose this game of chicken with
the Gamecocks. Panic not, rocky toppers....you're good to go this
Saturday. Evil leprechaun or not, South Carolina loses this one by
at least 12.

Tulane vs Texas
Here's two interesting tidbits to consider about Longhorn trail boss
Mack Brown. The first one is common knowledge....Mack has never won
a big or meaningful game in his coaching career. But in spite of
this, he's never actually been fired, either. 2003 could be the
year that one of these hexes is broken for Mack, although I'm not
sure it'll be the one he chooses. Nothing big happens on either
front this week. Texas should be able to mop up any messes caused
by the Green Wave's watery visit to Austin. Longhorns by 10.

New Mexico State vs New Mexico
The last time this many people were fighting over supremacy in New
Mexico, one side was being led by Pancho Villa. And although nobody
outside of the Land of Enchantment remotely cares who'll win this
game, I've got to take the easy pickins' opportunity to record a
Prophet win. So, look for the Lobos to lick the Aggies easily.
New Mexico by 17.

LSU vs Mississippi State
The Bulldogs of MSU have been moving the football pretty well this
year, averaging something like 450 yards per game. But what has
happened to their defense? I remember back when Joe Lee Dunn was
coaching D for Jackie Sherrill. The Bulldogs were tough hombres
with Joe Lee calling the signals. These days, they play more like
David Lee Roth is their defensive coach. Speaking of the former Van
Halen frontman, look for the old "cradle to rock" in Starkville on
Saturday. Nick Saban has his cats purring and they're ready for
another round of Bulldogs in their quest to win the SEC-West. LSU
by 9.

Pittsburgh vs Texas A&M
Dennis Frangione's boys played pretty good football last Thursday
night, at least for three and a half quarters. Then, as they
say...the wheels came off the Aggie wagon. Things could and should
be a bit better this Saturday in College Station. First, there
ain't no hurricane on the horizon. And more importantly, there
ain't no Hokies on the opposite side of the field. Winning at home,
call this one an upset victory for Dennis the Menace and his farm
boys. A&M by 2.

Western Kentucky vs Auburn
This weekend finds the Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky headed into
Jordan-Hare. I have to admit that "Hilltoppers" is one of the more
interesting and unique nicknames in the world of college sports.
Speaking of nicknames, Auburn could have called themselves
the "Holediggers" after the huge hole they dug to begin 2003. It
may well take the entire season to get the Tiger program back to
level ground, but this weekend should offer some progress in that
direction. Look for Auburn to use some of the dirt mined in the
WKU "hills" to get their hole a little more filled in. Auburn by
16.

Florida State vs Duke
I just can't figure Chris Rix out. He clearly doesn't get it. In
case you don't know what I'm talking about, FSU's talented and
demented young QB has stirred up another hornet's nest in
Tallahassee by parking, not once but twice, in handicapped parking
spaces. Now, Chris HAD a permit, which belonged to a relative of
his roommate(s)/adult host(s). But, other than from a judgement
standpoint, we all know that Chris is not handicapped. FSU Coach
Bowden has indicated that "running him in the morning doesn't seem
to be working, so we'll have to try something tougher". Although it
shouldn't matter on Saturday, except of course to the point-spread
junkies, I'd look for Chris to "park" his non-handicapped ass on the
bench up in Durham, as Fabian Walker and Wyatt Sexton lead FSU to a
solid, if somewhat unimpressive victory over the Dookies. Duke
football....now, THAT'S a group that could use a parking permit.
FSU by 16.

Arkansas vs Alabama
At this point in time, the race in the SEC-West is shaping up to be
a two-horse contest. And unfortunately for the folks in Tuscaloosa,
neither one of the horses appears to be wearing crimson silk. But
speaking of horses, the Tide fans might just ride Mike Shula out of
town with spurs if the mighty Tide were to lose three HOME games
before September even ends. Arkansas ought to win this game, but
Alabama HAS to win it. In an upset, Crimson Tide by 1.