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THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
College Football's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
© 2003 P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
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Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2003 SEASON is
GAMES FORECAST 125
GAMES CORRECT 103
PCT CORRECT 82.4%
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Thursday, September 18, 2003
Texas A&M vs Virginia Tech
Thursday night's ESPN feature game offers college fans the first
chance to truly evaluate the 2003 Hokie squad. Tech has easily
throttled the first group of nobodies on their pre-conference slate,
but they've really done little more than what was expected. The
Texas Aggies will present a more formidable challenge. Speaking of
challenges, A&M boss Dennis Frangione might just want to re-route
the team plane in such a manner as to avoid Alabama airspace. When
it comes to the opinion and admiration of the citizens of Alabama,
Deserter Dennis is right up there with those guys who moved that Ten
Commandments monument. As for the prediction, THIS trip is going
to end badly for Coach Fran and crew, be it at the hands of Virginia
Tech or the Alabama Air National Guard. Hokies by 12.

Saturday, September 20, 2003
West Virginia vs Maryland
After starting the season 0-2, Maryland's Terps finally turned the
corner last weekend, romping to an easy win over the Citadel. And
speaking of corners, the Mountaineers of WVU will find themselves
cornered in College Park by rotund Ralph's revived reptiles.
Turning the corner to another big win, call this one Maryland by 16.

Kent State vs Penn State
After fifty-plus years in the coaching profession, Nittany Lion
coach Joe Paterno isn't one to let a little adversity get him down.
More than any other division-1 coach, JoPa has walked off the field
a winner. So, I don't expect to have any recent "flashes" of
failure to faze Joe any more than I expect and "Flashes" from Kent
State to win on Saturday in State College. Returning some joy to
Happy Valley, the Lions are once again kings of their jungle this
weekend. Penn State by 24.

Central Florida vs Syracuse
The CFU Knights are leaving their orange juice-laden home territory
for northern New York this week, but they shouldn't feel too out-of-
sorts up in Syracuse. This is, after all, "Big Orange" territory.
Speaking of orange juice, it's been quite a while since Paul
Pasqualone's Orangemen have beaten any pulp out of anyone of
substance, as they continue to fade into the middle of the Big East
pack. The truth is that more teams have been putting the
old "squeeze" on Syracuse. Central Florida, OTOH, appears to be an
up and coming program. It's too bad that CFU has to make this trip
without the services of their starting QB, as the opportunity for a
statement game certainly existed. Unfortunately on THIS weekend,
the statement that will be made, with regard to the Knights,
includes the word "almost". Syracuse by 3.

Eastern Michigan vs Navy
As the Chippewas of Eastern Michigan paddle into the Naval Academy
on Saturday, you'd think the place would be a maritime nightmare for
them. You'd think that the Middies would have the battleships and
destroyers to win a surface sea battle. But, it's what's below the
surface that'll determine this game's winner. And, by "below the
surface", I don't mean submarines. I'm talking offensive and
defensive depth and speed, none of which could really be associated
with Navy football. It's true that Navy has been pretty much of a
leaky ship lately. But come on...you still have to figure them
capable of sinking a flotilla of Chippewa canoes, right? Weighing
anchor for a rare win, call this one Navy by 3.

Tulane vs Army
Rolling in from the Big Easy, Tulane's Green Wave looks to buoy
themselves a Conference-USA win in West Point. And speaking
of "waves", look for Army's fans to wave bye-bye almost as quickly
and often as the Cadet secondary waves bye-bye to the Tulane
receivers. Green Wave by 24.

Idaho vs Washington
Now, Huskies aren't bred and noted for being guard or attack dogs.
But when the Vandals from Idaho come tipping around UW's Seattle
backyard, look for the home pooches to raise a ruckus all the same.
The Idaho band had best learn that "who let the dogs out" song, as I
think they'll be playing it for most of the game. Washington by 21.

New Mexico vs Washington State
If the Wazzoo Cougars can climb up into the Rocky Mountains and
eviscerate a quality team like Colorado, I see no problems for them
in dealing with Wolves (Lobos) in their Pullman lair. Look for UNM
to be howling on Saturday.....howling in pain. Washington State by
16.

Stanford vs BYU
During last weekend's California-Utah matchup, the ESPN broadcast
crew kept talking about all the "money" that existed at neighboring
Brigham Young University. Well, BYU certainly has solid financial
support and excellent facilities, but their weekend opponents from
Palo Alto opponents are far from being cash-poor themselves.
Unfortunately for the Cardinal, the only half-empty "vault" at
Stanford is the football locker room. So on this weekend, the
simple economic statement is that "money + talent" will defeat "just
money". Call it money in the bank, BYU by 6.

Arizona State vs Iowa
ASU's Sun Diablos journey eastward, away from their dusty and hot
homeland. They'll play football Saturday in Iowa City, a climate
and locale totally different from Tempe. And while the additional
humidity and vegetation may fascinate and amaze, it's the hometown
high pressure that'll forecast doom for the Arizonans. Winning a
big intersectional contest, call this one Hawkeyes by 10.

California vs Illinois
Last weekend found the Golden Bears of Cal on the road in Indian
territory, fighting a skirmish with the Utes of Utah. That campaign
turned costly, as the Pac-Ten ursa minors found themselves unwilling
partners in Utah's war dance. This weekend finds Cal again dueling
with "native Americans", hooking up with the Fighting Illini of
Illinois. And although smoking is heavily frowned on by most
Californians, UC might want to consider bringing along a peace pipe
or two. After a second straight week of dodging arrows, look for
Cal to consider a hasty retreat from Champaign. Illinois by 9.

Bowling Green vs Ohio State
Have you heard about Maurice Clarett? He's not going to be playing
football this year. And, he's apparently decided to challenge the
NFL's early entry policy, in an attempt to take his considerable
athletic talent and questionable intellect to the big show. Sorry
to break away from the prediction business, but I wanted to make
sure you'd all heard the latest Maurice update. Speaking of
updates, Ohio State had better update the way they're playing
football. Their "close call of the week" strategy might have
resulted in a 2002 title, but that sort of lightning is truly rare.
The more likely result of playing lots of overtime games and close
contests will be a loss or two. But, not this week. :) Heck,
OSU might even crank it up a notch when the BG guys hit Columbus.
EVEN without King Maurice in the lineup or on campus, look for the
Buckeyes to get it right THIS Saturday. Ohio State by 20.

Arizona vs Purdue
With last weekend's win at Wake Forest, Purdue again avoids an 0-2
start. The Boilermakers have never started 0-2 in the Joe Tiller
era. The scary or unnerving part for Purdue fans had to be the
sense of relief that a victory over Wake Forest brought. Now, no
slap at the Deacs, but let's face it....they ain't Michigan. Then
again, they're probably better than Wisconsin, to drop a Big Ten
name or two. The best news for Purdue on THIS home weekend is that
the visiting Arizona Wildcats are nowhere near as good as Wake
Forest. So, look for "PU" to move to 2-1 with a solid home win.
Purdue by 12.

Marshall vs Kansas State
Kansas State and Marshall have a lot in common. They've both had
good teams over the last few years, and have pushed hard to crack
the nation's true NCAA elite. K-State has gotten pretty darned
close, actually. And this week, the Herd and the Wildcats have
something else in common....they're both playing without their
number one signal-caller. And for this game, that means that
Marshall DOESN'T have something that they'll desperately need in
Manhattan on Saturday, namely a prayer. With the two injured QBs
cancelling each other out, look for KSU's other 21 starters to run
all over Marshall's guys. Wildcats by 17.

North Carolina vs Wisconsin
The Wisconsin Badgers made fools of themselves last weekend, with a
little help from UNLV. At home in Madison, big W couldn't even
score one little TD, succumbing by the ignominious score of 23-5.
Jeez, that sounds like an elimination game at the College World
Series! But, while playing so miserably is just an occasional thing
for Wisconsin, their weekend foe has mastered the art of
disappointment over the last couple of years. The Tar Heels will
take the lectern on Saturday, offering the home folks a seminar in
what it really means to be "average at best". I suspect that
Wisconsin will choose an alternate, but not entirely unrelated,
career direction for their 2003 season...perhaps along the lines
of "slightly better than average". And on Saturday, that line of
thinking will get things done at Camp Randall. Badgers by 7.

Middle Tennessee vs Missouri
According to the World Wildlife Fund (the guys who made Vince
McMahon change the name of his wrestling organization to the WWE),
Tigers are an endangered species. While that might be true in the
wild, the striped cats are prospering in and around Columbia,
Missouri. In fact, the MTSU Blue Raiders will be up to their
collective necks in Tigers on Saturday. I don't see any way the
Tennesseans will get out of town without getting savagely clawed and
mauled. Mizzou endangers Middle Tennessee on Saturday, call it
Tigers by 24.

Wyoming vs Air Force
The University of Wyoming is justifiably proud of their state's
Cowboy heritage. It's undoubtably a major factor in their selection
of a team mascot/nickname. But, when they ride into Colorado
Springs on Saturday, it will be painfully obvious that the time of
the Cowboy has passed, at least with regard to Mountain West
football. In the usual ironic way, look for the Air Force flyguys
to get it done on the ground this weekend. Falcons by 10.

Kentucky vs Indiana
This is another one of those "great basketball matchup" games. If
this occurs in the final four, we'd all be excited. But on the
gridiron, the UK-IU match will be lucky to make ESPN Gameplan. Oh
well, whether it's on the tube or not, look for Kentucky and Big
Jared to tune themselves a 7 point road win.

Pittsburgh vs Toledo
The MAC attack has felled quite a few unsuspecting members of "name"
conferences. Every year, we find examples of MAC powers turning
their opponents "sure-win" plans into a loss. So, I'd think that
traveling TO play Toledo would be mighty risky business for a team
such as Pittsburgh. Mighty risky, actually. When you have so much
to lose and almost nothing to gain, why in the world would you make
this trip? Since Toledo is home to the Rockets, let's call this one
in space vernacular. "Pittsburgh, we have a problem." In an upset,
Toledo pulls another MAC attack. Rockets by 3.

Miami(OH) vs Colorado State
Oh boy, is this another MAC attack? Miami of Ohio has a proud and
storied football tradition, hence its nickname "the cradle of
coaches". Unfortunately for the Red Hawks, the Rocky Mountains are
the oxygen-deprived graveyard of flatland football teams. So, while
I don't dispute the possibility of Miami sneaking up on the Rams, I
doubt their ability to breath freely and effectively for a full four
quarters. Chalk this win up to a decrease in blood oxygen
saturation. Colorado State by 4.

Jacksonville State vs Kansas
My father is an alumnus of Jacksonville State University, so I have
to pick one of their games each year. I try to find a contest where
they hook up with a D-1 foe of questionable talent, so as to make
the pick something other than shooting fish in a barrel. But as you
can guess, it's tough to find JSU hooking up with a first division
competitor that they could actually defeat. The possibility of an
upset would exist for this weekend's battle of birds in Lawrence,
but just barely. The truth is that I'm just playing a little
chicken here, my friends. The Gamecocks are going to get their
gooses cooked by the KU Jayhawks. Ordering this one up as extra-
crispy, let's say Kansas by 30.

East Carolina vs Wake Forest
It's been a long time since anyone could paint the Demon Deacons as
bullies. But this weekend in Winston-Salem, the pushy preachers
will play men to the Pirates' boys. Now, some churches have had
problems with the man and boy genre of relationship, most notably
the Catholics. And while WFU is run by the Baptist church, they'll
behave in a somewhat Vatican style on Saturday, treating East
Carolina to a little priest/altar boy action. Look for the Deacs to
do the unthinkable on Saturday, as they beat the Holy crap out of an
opponent. Wake Forest by 28.

Northwestern vs Duke
In this contest between two of America's finest universities, it
seems appropriate to make my pick in the form of an exam question...

Which of the following events is most likely to occur within any of
our lifetime(s)?
(A) honest and lasting peace in the Middle East
(B) Jennifer Lopez wins an Academy Award for acting
(C) The Duke Blue Devils will win two football games in a row
(D) Maurice Clarett will be awarded a college degree
(E) FOX will renounce all reality programming, substituting
Masterpiece Theater re-runs on a 24 hour a day basis.
(F) Yoko Ono will open a Radio Shack franchise on Jupiter

OK, my dear readers, just for you, here's the answer key. "C" by
3. Class dismissed.

UTEP vs Louisville
In years gone past, birds (usually canaries) were used protect the
lives of Miners. These canaries would detect the presence of
poisonous gases, by conveniently dying before their human keepers
would be threatened by asphyxiation. Of course, this didn't offer
much job satisfaction for the birds in question. But, this
weekend's contest will offer a turnabout in fortunes. Look for the
UTEP Miners to be sacrificed for the benefit of Louisville's
birds. Cardinals by 14.

North Texas vs Arkansas
Since the Arkansas Razorbacks proved capable of rooting into Austin
and smacking Texas, you'd assume no issue with them defeating NORTH
Texas at home in Little Rock and/or Fayetteville. I'll admit that
this makes things look mighty dim for the Mean Green. But on the
bright side, at least North Texas doesn't have Mack Brown planning
their strategy. That would be THE kiss of death. And, who wants
to get kissed by a pig? :) Razorbacks by 21.

Clemson vs Georgia Tech
For Georgia Tech, two weeks should equal two Bowdens, one victory
and one near-miss. Look for freshman QB Reggie Ball and company to
drive one more ACC nail into Tommy Bowden's coffin. Yellowjackets
by 7.

UAB vs South Carolina
Although Lou Holtz wouldn't agree, his South Carolina Gamecocks have
become the model of consistency. Unfortunately, the uniformity in
performance has nothing to do with winning and losing, as USC has
done a little of both over the previous fortnight. However, for
each game, the final score has been 31-7. THIS week, look for Lou
and crew to return to the winning fold, and just for sheer sheets
and giggles, let's call the margin 24 points. Guaranteeing another
31-7 tally is probably going too far.

Vanderbilt vs TCU
After last weekend's game, the Vanderbilt Commodores have to truly
feel unique and special. They are, after all, the only team in
America to have lost to Auburn. On this Saturday's trip to Fort
Worth, look for big V to return to the ranks of the ordinary.
Beating Vanderbilt doesn't exactly get you into an exclusive club,
you know. Horned Frogs by 12.

Mississippi State vs Houston
Embattled coach Jackie Sherrill may enjoy a bit of time away from
Starkville, but his Bulldogs had best keep winning. Fans back home
in Mississippi like to clang cowbells in support of the home team,
but a loss in Houston might cause another kind of bell to toll for
ol' Jackie. Look for MSU to ring up the Cougars, but not by a
plethora of points. Mississippi State by 3

Texas vs Rice
There are certain types of games that a Mack Brown team wins, and
there are certain types of games that a Mack Brown team does not
win. "Mack Wins" games are usually situations where his team has
infinitely more speed, talent, size, strength, experience and depth
than their opponent. All of these factors would apply for this
weekend. Playing the game in Houston DOES make it a little bit
scary, but I'm going to stand with Mack and his Longhorns on this
pick. Texas by 24.

Oklahoma State vs SMU
The Okie State Cowboys swagger into the Dallas pony pen in search of
a new mount. And, when it comes to ridin' ponies, who's better at
it than Cowboys? I think State should be able to lasso themselves a
pretty easy win on Saturday in Big D. Look for the `Pokes to saddle
up a 17 point win.

Texas Tech vs NC State
Two losses in a row have soured NC State's 2003 season. The first
setback, at Wake Forest, was unexpected and shocking. Last weekend
found the Wolfpack saying goodbye Columbus as losers only after
three overtimes. When a team's spirit and drive has been dashed by
such a heart-wrenching loss, it usually requires a solid and stable
gameplan and defensive effort to stem the tide and begin a journey
back to success. Texas Tech, with their "wild and crazy" offense,
is THE wrong team against which to achieve any stability. Chuck
Amato has definitely chosen the wrong guy(s) for a rebound date on
Saturday. Revenge for last year's loss will motivate the `Pack
enough to keep it close, but in the end the Red Raiders will drive
NC State nuts while driving them down for the third week in a row.
In an upset, Texas Tech by 2.

Michigan vs Oregon
This year, it seems like every week brings us another "sure bet" for
a year's-end trip to New Orleans. After week one, everyone had
Southern California penciled into the Sugar Bowl, even before half
of the teams in America had played a game. After week two, Miami
captured the country's attention with their comeback win over
Florida. That brings us to Michigan... Their throttling of
Notre Dame at the Big House got folks to thinking in terms of a Big
Ten representative in the Big Easy. Will Lloyd Carr's Wolverines
be the first team to stay center-screen on fans' radar for two weeks
in a row? Well, this Saturday's visit to Eugene will offer the
stage and opponent to allow such continued praise. But, if
Michigan doesn't completely forget about the Notre Dame game,
focusing all their attention on the Ducks, well..... let's just say
that the visitors might be the ones laying eggs at Autzen Stadium.
Biologically, we know it's impossible for a Wolverine to lay an
egg. And, from a prognostication standpoint, I don't believe it'll
happen either. Michigan by 14.

Colorado vs Florida State
Even though the home team finally prevailed, FSU fans were treated
to a horror show last Saturday night in Tallahassee. First,
the "evil" Chris Rix clawed itself from the grave and set about
making poor decisions and rotten throws for much of the contest with
Georgia Tech. "Bad Chris" was assisted in his self-exhumation by
offensive coordinator Jeff Bowden, who shoveled a large pile of
questionable play calls and game management into the macabre events
that unfolded. Promising Seminole receiver Craphonso Thorpe was
the next victim of the haunt, as he was temporarily possessed by the
ghost of Robert Morgan, FSU's career leader in dropped passes. As I
said, good did finally triumph over evil with FSU narrowly defeating
Georgia Tech. But this weekend's Buffalo stampede could have a much
more chilling finish if things don't improve in Tallahassee. FSU
had best bury the past for good, or they'll find themselves buried
by Colorado this Saturday at Doak Campbell. Florida State by 7.

Miami vs Boston College
You can't have a Miami-BC matchup without thinking "Hail Mary". How
many years has it been since the Doug Flutie to Gerald Phelan dagger
through Miami's collective heart? As far as I remember, BC hasn't
beaten the `Canes since. The phrase "Hail Mary" certainly indicates
some degree of spirituality involved in that miraculous Orange Bowl
win. Miracles DO occur, but as for this weekend, that doctrine is
old testament in this final Big East encounter between BC and UM.
The only miracle occurring Saturday at Chestnut Hill will be of the
mayonnaise variety, as in "Miracle Whip(ping)". Spreading it on
thick, call this one Miami by 16.

Michigan State vs Notre Dame
Visiting South Bend NOW is a terrible idea for any football team
even remotely associated with the state of Michigan. Last weekend's
embarassing rout in Ann Arbor has left the Irish in no mood to
extend Gaelic hospitality to anyone or anything from Michigan. The
Catholic church takes a rather dim view of sin, and extracts
punishment in accordance with the sin(s) committed. Look for John
L. Williams' Spartans to pay for the trespasses of rival Michigan in
a cataclysmic way on Saturday. Taking more than just an eye and a
tooth, look for Notre Dame to extract vengeance in beyond biblical
proportions. Call this an early exodus for the Spartans. Irish by
24.

UCLA vs Oklahoma
That last major exchange between OU and UCLA was of great benefit to
Bruin football. Many of you may remember that Troy Aikman
transferred from Norman to LA to escape the run-oriented offense of
(then Sooner Coach) Barry Switzer. Troy boy went on to fame and
fortune, both at UCLA and in Dallas. So, it would only seem to even
things up a bit for Oklahoma to reap vengeance on UCLA's Saturday
visit to Owen Field. The Bruin fans probably won't be too tough on
new coach Karl What's-his-name. They're probably still sleeping
after trying to watch UCLA's narcoleptic 3 field goals to 2 field
goals win over Illinois. (Anybody notice that great Prophet 3-point
call on the game??) Look for UCLA to kick a couple more field
goals, while Oklahoma kicks their bear butts all over mid-America.
Sooners by 20.

Georgia vs LSU
We all believe that the SEC East has three solid football teams,
namely Georgia, Florida and Tennessee. We are also beginning to
get a "whiff" of something happening in the SEC West up in the
Arkansas pigpen. Who else can play ball in the west? Maybe LSU?
Maybe. The Bayou Bengals have clawed up most of their early-season
opponents, collectively a bunch of nobodies. This weekend's battle
with the Bulldogs of Georgia will offer some real insight into the
SEC, both east and west. Georgia has, at times, seemed impressive.
But if the truth is considered, THEY haven't beaten anyone worth a
tinker's damn. Mark Richt knows that LSU will be more than the chew
toys his dogs have played with so far. So, I'd look for Mark to do
his usual gameplan for big road games....namely, he'll play not to
lose. If LSU makes mistakes, Georgia wins by default. If the
Tigers arrive on fire, the crowd in Baton Rouge will be more than
happy to add gas. I think something big will happen in Saturday
night's Bayou war. Something big sounds more like an explosion
than a Richt-scripted war of attrition. In an upset, look for the
home cats to set Georgia ablaze and thereby (in the process) ignite
what may be the best SEC race(s)in years. Bengal Cats by 3.

Tennessee vs Florida
OK, it's time to get serious in the SEC East. The annual Tennessee-
Florida game is always the first salvo in what is essentially a
three-game set to determine the eastern champ. Later games that
will determine our winner are, of course, Georgia-Florida and
Tennessee-Georgia. Both the Gators and Volunteers had an extra week
to prepare for this big contest, although Florida was forced to
actually play a football game during THEIR off-week, pounding some
Miami look-alikes from Florida A&M. Tennessee fans probably see
last Saturday's off-day to be an advantage in this contest, and
normally that might be true. But this is Florida. The Gators have
long played kryptonite to Tennessee's Superman. Florida is a Holy
Cross to UT's Dracula. Another off-week would be a good thing for
the Volunteers, because if they want to stay unbeaten, they'd best
stay out of Gainesville. But assuming that UT shows up, call this
deja vu all over again for tormented Tennessee. I see a 6 point win
for the Gators.