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THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
College Football's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
© 2003 P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
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Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

EVEN after last weekend's apocalyptic spate of upsets.....
THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2003 SEASON is
GAMES FORECAST 87
GAMES CORRECT 72
PCT CORRECT 82.8%
=============================================================
Thursday, September 11
California vs Utah
ESPN is clearly taunting me. Last weekend, I picked Utah and
California to win upset victories. The Bears and Utes teased, but
in the end both succumbed to narrow, but as universally-predicted,
losses. So, just to make sure I remember these picks gone awry,
ESPN feels the need to match Cal and Utah up on national Thursday
night TV. As for THIS game, most of the power-indexes, gamblers and
polls probably figure California to be a slight favorite. But,
Utah is playing at home, and they'll have more to prove. And
besides, I'm going to keep riding this underdog train until I need
an undertaker. Let's start the week off right with a nationally-
broadcast boob tube upset special. Utah by 2.

Friday, September 12
Toledo vs Marshall
I read in the newspaper where the nation's rocket program is to
remain grounded until early spring. Unfortunately for members of
the MAC, this flight prohibition does not apply to the Rockets of
Toledo, who continue to fire off on a weekly basis. Speaking of
rockets, the Thundering Herd of Marshall saw enough streaking orange
projectiles on last weekend's trip to Knoxville to last a lifetime.
Returning home to play a conference opponent, we'll find them in
absolutely no mood for any visiting fireworks. Look for the Herd to
wet Toledo's powder in an effort to keep things grounded in the
conference race. They won't succeed completely, but they should
keep Toledo bound to mother earth long enough to record an important
victory. Marshall by 5.

Saturday, September 13
Florida Atlantic vs UCF
First of all, you've seen THIS pick before. I mistakenly had
Florida Atlantic and Central Florida hooking up last week. But,
this classic actually takes place on September 13th. In the week
that has passed since I THOUGHT this game was being played, UCF has
lost their starting QB for the year. But I am fearless sticking
with my original pick and point spread. Just in case your hard-
drive crashed, I'll re-run what I'd written last week: When he
heard that FAU was "christening" a new rivalry with the Central
Florida Knights, Coach Howard "Red Nose" Schnellenberger was
ecstatic. However, his enthusiasm dulled somewhat when he realized
that no bottle of champagne was involved in this type of
christening. Toasting Howard while UCF toasts FAU, raise your
glasses for a 28 point Central Florida happy hour.

Citadel vs Maryland
Once considered a strong favorite to win the ACC and participate in
a BCS bowl, the Maryland Terps have to be among 2003's bigger early-
season disappointments. People in College Park have to be
wondering when UM will return to the winning ways of the last two
seasons. Hey Terrapin fans, is this weekend soon enough? The
Citadel comes calling with rotund Ralph's favorite take-out
meal.......pushover cream puffs. Maryland by 24.

Louisville vs Syracuse
If Syracuse was having any issue with inexperience, last weekend's
win at North Carolina should have solved the problem. The Orangemen
and Tar Heels had to play three overtimes to finally settle the
score in Chapel Hill. Some players started the game as freshmen and
finished up as sophomores. Don't worry Syracuse parents, there's no
need to send any additional tuition for this weekend's game. You
can look for the game to end at a much more reasonable hour. And,
it may end a little bit too soon for the tastes of the SU fans.
Since the Orangemen don't really seem to get things cranked up until
70 or 80 minutes of football have been played, success may come too
late against the Kentucky Redbirds. Then again, maybe not. : )
Syracuse by 3.

Boston College vs Connecticut
The BC Eagles have truly been nationally-acclaimed educators this
year. In their two games, they've shown the country that (a) Wake
Forest is a pretty good team and that (b) Penn State is not. THIS
weekend's lesson is tailor-made for the visiting UConn Huskies.
And, if the folks in Storrs have any doubt as to which club is the
dominant New England-based member in the Big East, the coming years
will offer numerous opportunities for remedial training. BC by 12.

Cincinnati vs West Virginia
This Saturday, the UC Bearcats prowl into the West Virginia
mountains in search of a weekend feed. Generally, any large
wildlife pussyfootin' around Morganton might as well strap a target
on their collective backs. But something tells me that the
Mountaineers' light armament won't be of a high enough caliber to
blast a win into the WVU column. Cincinnati by 7.

Ball State vs Pittsburgh
The Pittsburgh Panthers are just big friendly kitties at heart, so
you'd expect them to have a good time batting Ball State around
their steel city play pen. The Cardinals of BSU aren't exactly a
ball of yarn, but they should be putty in the puddytat's paws. Look
for the stupid pet trick of David Letterman's alma mater (BSU) to
backfire, as Ball State gets themselves all tangled up in
Pittsburgh. Panthers by 10.

Rutgers vs Army
One thing that Army Cadets learn during their tenure at West Point
is the intricacies of tank warfare. So, you'd think that our
nation's future Eisenhowers, Pattons and MacArthurs must know
exactly how to handle matters when their football team "tanks" on
the old gridiron. Call this one more of an orderly retreat than an
absolute rout. Rutgers by 9.

Kansas vs Wyoming
After last weekend's loss in Stillwater, the Wyoming Cowboys might
just feel that out-of-conference contests are for the birds. But,
that's not necessarily the case, especially if you pick and play the
RIGHT flock of birds. This weekend finds a covey of Jayhawks from
Kansas flying into Laramie. And although KU is pretty much
invisible nationally, they'll be on the Cowboy radar long enough to
get themselves shot up in the Rockies. Wyoming by 7.

Hawaii vs USC
The Rainbow Warriors have surfed across the Pacific from their
island paradise to play a little mainland football this weekend.
After this Saturday's contest, they'll consider it unfortunate to
have not been eaten by sharks on the way to LA. Speaking of
sharks, look for Pete Carroll's Trojans to put the bite on their
polynesian pals in a hurry. Aloha, UH! Southern California by 21.

New Mexico State vs Oregon State
After an unsuccessful trip into neighboring California, the OSU
Beavers return to their home dam just in time to evict some
squatters from New Mexico State. The Aggies of NMSU have not had
much luck harvesting wins recently, and were hoping to find greener
pastures in Corvallis. But, about the only thing that's growing
well around the old Beaver pond is frustration with the time it may
take to return to the Erickson glory days. This weekend should
satisfy some of those local cravings. Beavers by 10.

Illinois vs UCLA
I took some crap for last weekend's UCLA game write-up. I actually
got the pick right, which was unusual for the week. But, I'd left
in a line about "new coach Karl -----" of UCLA. Folks, I knew the
Bruins had a new headmeister, but I just couldn't remember his
name. I'd left ----- in my document with the intention of looking
up the correct surname and adding it before posting Prophet. But,
as you can see.....I forgot. So, I can see the formation of
another Prophet "inside joke". Coach Karl Whats-his-name it is!
Speaking of unknowns, I'm not sure I can name Illinois' coach,
either. I'm not sure I even know any of the Bruin or Illini
players. So, in an effort to pick this contest without really
knowing much, let's just say the guys in the powder-blue unis will
defeat the other guys in a hard-fought contest. Actually, I don't
even know if it'll be hard-fought.....it'll just be close. What's-
his-name gets his first win as UCLA coach, Bruins by 3.

Washington State vs Colorado
The Cougars head east, trying again to obtain a quality out-of-
conference win. Last weekend in South Bend, Wazzoo did everything
but win. They held the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame to offensive
numbers that would shame Auburn. But in the end, as is so often the
case in the shadow of the Golden Dome, divine Providence intervened
and Washington State went home a loser. The Boulder Buffs also wear
helmets of gold, but that's where all similarities to last weekend
end. While God has no particular dislike for CU and their program,
he's just not very likely to intervene in the outcome of their
games. And since they won't have to defeat both a football team and
the supreme ruler of the universe, Wazzoo just might have a
chance. Let's call for an upset in the Rockies.....Washington
State by 2.

UNLV vs Wisconsin
Neither Rebel coach John Robinson or Badger boss Barry Alvarez could
ever be accused of running an imaginative or explosive offense. So,
the question Saturday in Madison will be to determine which team
does a better job of boring the other club to death. Barry's
offense is probably the more boring of the two, but seeing as how
his players are much larger and faster, look for Wisconsin to
vegetate the visitors from Vegas. Badgers by 12.

Louisiana Tech vs Michigan State
When the kids from LaTech heard that Michigan State had themselves a
fancy "Smoker", they thought that cooking would highlight this
weekend's menu in East Lansing. And in a sense, that might be what
the Spartans have in mind, namely some "home-cooking". But, you
know how it can be when you invite a great cook into your humble
kitchen... Sometimes they unexpectedly spice things up a bit. ;)
In a big upset, call this one LaTech by 1.

Iowa vs Iowa State
A lot of people may say that the Iowa-Iowa State game really means
nothing nationally. Are you kidding? There are about 20 people
out there running for president, and they're stomping and stumping
all over the early-caucus state of Iowa. They've got to know and
care who's playing and who eventually wins this game. Show up in
some corn-growing village wearing the wrong team colors, and the
locals might just stuff their ballot box somewhere you'd prefer it
not be. So in the interest of helping my friends the politicians, I
have carefully studied (as they all do before they take a stand) the
polls in this matter. It appears that the Hawkeyes have a slight
edge in most major surveys, so we need to hop on board the Iowa
bandwagon, regardless of the game being played in a hostile Ames
environment. If I'm wrong, I'll just find myself a spin doctor or
two and make it all better. Iowa by 6, with an accuracy indication
of plus or minus 2 points.

Virginia vs Western Michigan
Well, Cav Coach Al Groh was completely right last week when he said
that QB Matt Schaub's injury would "redefine" the Virginia season.
The folks in Charlottesville may not have read the true meaning of
what Al said, but they certainly grasped his words' context after
the shocking rout at South Carolina. This weekend offers a longer
trip with, hopefully, better results. The Broncos of Western
Michigan have already gotten themselves beaten up by a focused and
superior team from Michigan. In this game, we'll subtract (perhaps)
the "superior" part of the equation, changing
Virginia's "definition" to "just a little bit better".
Unfortunately for the ponies, Coach Groh WILL have adjusted the fine
focus on his squad by Saturday, and should escape the northlands
without another embarrassing loss. Virginia by 7.

North Texas vs Air Force
The Falcons from USAFA are tough and proud young men. If nothing
else, they could never be accused of backing away from a fight.
Just last week, Air Force's quarterback punched a Northwestern
assistant coach in the ribs in the aftermath of a fumble in front of
the Wildcat bench. Not to blame flyboy Chance on this one,
folks....the Northwestern coach actually forearmed HIM first, later
feebly calling the move an "attempted hug". When the Mean Green
comes to Colorado Springs on Saturday, they'd better not try being
TOO mean, if you know what I mean. As for the pick, it's Air Force
all the way, unless we learn that Mike Tyson has enrolled at North
Texas on a football scholarship. Air Force by 14.

Massachusetts vs Kansas State
This was going to be a complete slaughter until the devastating news
that KSU's all-everything quarterback, Ell Roberson, will miss the
contest. Does this mean that the Minutemen have a fighting chance
to escape Manhattan with their lives? Not for a minute. ;)
Enough Wildcats remain on roster and healthy to insure that nothing
revolutionary occurs on this Saturday. K-State by 35.

Indiana State vs Indiana
The Who-shures may have finally found an opponent that they can
handle. The start of the 2003 season has not been kind to IU, and
they find themselves winless....with a daunting conference slate to
come. This weekend offers some in-state relief. The last time the
Sycamores were any athletic threat to Indiana in any sport was when
Larry Bird was playing basketball. And, that's been a while, as
they say. Hoosiers by 16.

South Carolina vs Georgia
Last week's close encounter against Middle Tennessee has shown that
the Georgia Bulldogs are not QUITE as good as Clemson made them look
on opening day. They're still good, mind you..and they're well-
coached. But, the Dawgs got nicked up a bit more in the contest
with MTSU, and that was the last thing that Mark Richt needed to
see. It seems strange to say about Bulldogs, but Georgia IS
painfully thin. Speaking of thin, wiry Lou Holtz brings his
chickens into Athens this weekend, and Georgia had better watch the
old henhouse. When Virginia took a "Cavalier" attitude about last
weekend's contest, Lizard Lou did what he does best by outcoaching a
more talented opponent. When he was at FSU, Mark Richt did get a
chance to see Lou at his best on a November trip to Notre Dame. If
he didn't learn his lesson, he'll get a reminder of Holtz's dark
side on Saturday. Something tells me that Richt has put in enough
study time and will be prepared for Lou's tricks. So assuming that
his dogs don't eat his homework, look for the young whippersnapper
to teach the old fogey a thing or two. Georgia by 9.

Purdue vs Wake Forest
A lot of people said that Purdue would be a dark horse in the Big
Ten championship race. The Boilermakers had garnered a lot of high
regard in high places. On the other side of this contest, most
experts figured Wake Forest to be only slightly behind Duke in the
race for last place in the ACC. After the first couple of weeks of
this season, it's clear that someone has crossed wires on these
preseason thoughts. Maybe they got the two clubs confused?? Their
uniforms ARE very similar. Continuing the good surprises in Winston-
Salem, look for the Demon Deacs to pour these Big Ten Boilermakers
down the drain in another successful gridiron rite of temperance.
Preachers by 9.

Auburn vs Vanderbilt
Rumor has it that Auburn coach Tommy Tuberville tried, and failed,
to do himself in after last weekend's upset loss in Atlanta. It
seems that TT tied a big cement block to his neck with a rope, and
then asked quarterbacks to throw it from a Tallapoosa River
bridge. Unfortunately, this suicide attempt failed when none of
his signal-callers proved capable of THROWING the block successfully
into the river. OK, OK, I'm beating a dead horse here...or should I
say a dead Tiger? This weekend offers another chance for War Eagle
redemption. And with Vanderbilt being an SEC member, it's an
opportunity to hang on to the only thing the Plainsmen have left for
this season, namely the conference race. The only 2003 good news
for Auburn is that they're still undefeated in the SEC. The bad
news is that this week's opponent has already scored more than 70
points this year. At Auburn's present rate, it would take them
until mid-2005 to get a cumulative total of 70 points on the
scoreboard. I know it seems bad in Auburn, folks, but it's fixin' to
get even worse. Vandy is just tough enough to beat a one-
dimensional and over-rated team. That description fits the Tigers
to a "T", or should I say to a "V", as in the first letter of both
Vanderbilt and victory. Commodores by 3.

Middle Tennessee State vs Clemson
Last weekend's unimpressive victory over Furman did little to get
Clemson coach Tommy Bowden any relief from his season-long hot
seat. Speaking of hot pants, losing to MTSU at home in Death
Valley would light Tommy's britches up faster than a hillbilly
prostate screening clinic. After Saturday, the seat stays hot, but
it shouldn't erupt into open flames just yet. Clemson by 10.

Florida A&M vs Florida
I didn't get to see most of last week's Florida-Miami game, as I
went to the FSU-Maryland contest locally. But, I did return home
just in time to see the Gators storm from ahead to lose. It seems
that UF played a stellar 48 minutes of football, only to allow Miami
another last minute triumph over an in-state rival. Believe me, as
a Seminole, I CAN relate. Speaking of 48 minutes, that's about the
length of a high school game, right? The again suddenly-popular
www.fireRONZOOK.com website says that Coach Z's next stop will be as
a high school coach. So, if he's up to being the next head Gator at
Apalachicola (Florida) High School, maybe the late collapse in the
Orange Bowl won't be a negative point on the resume. But, unless
Ron wants to report take over the Apalachicola Fighting Gators
before they even start selling homecoming dance tickets, he'd better
not let Florida A&M get within 48 points of the FLORIDA Gators on
this weekend. Look for the FLORIDA Gators to exorcize some
frustration as they skin the Rattlers from FAMU in short order.
Florida by 49.

Louisiana-Monroe vs Mississippi
After two games against generally mediocre competition, Ole Miss
stands only 1 and 1. Eli Manning has failed to generate a great
deal of momentum for a potential Heisman run, even when facing such
ho-hum opposition. La-Monroe is one of the worst teams in the
country. If Eli can't have a Heisman afternoon against these guys,
I guess we'll just have to assume that someone else will make the
trip to New York glory in December. Ole Miss by 24.

Memphis vs Southern Mississippi
Last weekend, the Tigers of Memphis trashed Eli Manning and the Ole
Miss Rebels. On this Saturday, they again look to the state of
Mississippi for another win. You'd think that such a plan would be
money in the bank, seeing as how Ole Miss had something that USM
does not, namely a big-shot Heisman Trophy candidate at QB. But,
the part that Memphis didn't "figger" on (southern talk, for all my
Yankee and west coast readers) is that USM has something that Ole
Miss doesn't have, namely, some semblance of a defense that will
occasionally hit you. And on Saturday, occasionally is going to
be enough hitting to knock out a home win for the Eagles. Southern
Mississippi by 2.

Georgia Tech vs Florida State
If you'd told Chan Gailey that he'd be 1-1 at this point, don't you
just KNOW that he would have figured a win against BYU and a loss to
Auburn. So, that's got to give the Jacket boss hope that a hard-to-
figure season could continue in his favor. Georgia Tech has never
won a football game in Tallahassee, and hasn't defeated the
Seminoles since the 1970s. Let's take this "who could have guessed"
thing one step further. If, at the start of the season, you had
told Chan that his Yellowjackets would be 2-1 after the first three
games of the season, you would have been lying to him. :)
Seminoles by 17.

Fresno State vs Oklahoma
NO OFFENSE, Sooner fans, but if your boys don't get themselves some
MO offense, there is gonna be NO trip to N.O. come January. The
Bulldogs barking at your fence this weekend may not be a big name
club, but they're plenty dangerous. Bob Stoopes had best beware of
these dogs. Sooners, closer than most would expect, call it by 10.

San Diego State vs UTEP
The SDSU Aztecs played themselves a whale of a football game last
weekend in Columbus, Ohio. Only a 100-yard (or so) interception
return for a touchdown caused San Diego to get the shaft from the
2002 National Champs. This weekend, State heads into El Paso,
looking to do a little shafting of their own. And, what better
place to do some shafting than in the home of the Miners. Dig this,
folks, SDSU drills UTEP for a nice road win. Call it Aztecs by 12.

Utah State vs Arizona State
Utah State's bucolic Aggies have picked a bad time and direction for
their latest road trip. Heading south into the desert hell that is
Phoenix/Tempe can be tough anytime, but early September finds
ARIDzona only slightly cooler than parts of Venus. Adding to the
misery are the swarm of Sun Devils occupying the hellish hundred
yards of Sun Devil Stadium. The Aggies may be experts in
agriculture, but they're going to have crop failure unless they've
brought a herd of camels to do their plowing. Heating up the home
folks and burning up their visitors, call this one ASU by 17.

Oregon vs Arizona
Wildcat coach John Mackovic is noted for being one of the snappiest
dressers in the coaching profession. It's too bad that you really
can't "dress for success" on the gridiron. Maybe after this final
season at Arizona, he can get a job at Men's Wearhouse or
something. Speaking of Men's Wearhouse, I'd say that this will be
another unhappy trouncing in Tucson for the Wildcats if there isn't
some alteration in team effort and gameplan. Look for Oregon to sew
up an important conference road victory, call it Ducks by 10.

Penn State vs Nebraska
After last weekend's surprising and complete collapse against Boston
College, getting out of town is just what Joe Paterno and his
Nittany Lions probably need. But, Lincoln is undoubtably a bad
choice for a weekend hiatus. Sure, Nebraska isn't as inhospitable
to opponents as they used to be. But, Joe's kitties won't provide
enough of a challenge to blemish the Huskers' (so-far) undefeated
season. JoPa's still the winningest coach in D-1, but this week
won't find him adding to the total. Nebraska by 12.

Kentucky vs Alabama
Mike Shula, like his daddy Don, would never be the sort of coach to
let his team get fat or sassy. But, he'd have no objection to
allowing his Crimson Tide to slap the sass out of some other fat
team, or in this case quarterback. Jared Lorenzin and his extra
100 pounds of "muscle" have picked a bad time to get on the Alabama
treadmill. Losing more than weight, look for UK to go down hard in
Tuscaloosa. Alabama by 20.

Arkansas vs Texas
Sometimes, I miss the old Southwest Conference. In my youth, I
lived in Texas. And many Octobers, Arkansas and Texas would meet
in the Cotton Bowl, right in the middle of the Texas State Fair.
Ah, memories of corn dogs and football in Dallas. Speaking
of "fair", that'd be the best way to describe the Razorbacks' season
to date. Texas, OTOH, is rolling along, seeing as how they haven't
yet played Oklahoma. <g> Look for the Longhorns to give Arkansas a
little ferris-wheel ride this weekend in Austin. And, although
it's not quite the same thing, the Hogs will know by games' end that
they've "stayed too long at the fair". Texas by 10.

NC State vs Ohio State
Before last weekend's game against Wake Forest and in an effort to
keep his Wolfpack focused on winning each game, NC State boss Chuck
Amato banned any talk of an upcoming trip to Columbus. But, as
last Saturday's scoreboard clearly showed, Chuck's troops got black-
eyed while most probably thinking of Buckeyes. Ohio State has been
dealing with their own "lips are sealed" policy, which in their case
involves wayward star RB Maurice Clarett. Last weekend's narrow
win against San Diego State had to conjure up a few thoughts of old
#13 in the minds of the OSU partisans in Columbus. Moving back to
NC State, this weekend offers some relief for the Wolfpack, in that
they can finally focus on what has driven their preparation and
thought since the end of last season. The Ohio State game is
finally here, and Amato can let it all hang out. Unfortunately for
the hometown Buckeyes, talk of Maurice can't take place OR go away,
and Saturday will again find attention(s) and thoughts divided.
Word to the wise......Ohio State, you'd better get yourselves
completely together, or NC State is going to take you apart on
Saturday. Every fiber of my being says the Wolfpack will spring
their long-planned upset. But, one little grain of sensibility is
saying it ain't gonna happen. Ohio State by 2.

Notre Dame vs Michigan
This week should offer a definitive answer about Tyrone
Willingham. Is he a genius, or is he just a darned good coach who
happens to be employed at the University of Good Luck? Well, any
good Irishman could tell you the value of a little luck, right?
And if there are many more South Bend Saturdays like the last one,
the Irish fans might want to access another tried and true Gaelic
remedy....a stiff belt of Irish Whiskey. This weekend's open bar
will feature only (Big)house brands, so look for John Navarre and
his Michigan teammates to water down Tyrone's highball. Look for
the Wolverines to get their first high-profile victory of 2003.
Michigan by 7.