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THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
College Football's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
© 2003 P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
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Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2003 SEASON
GAMES FORECAST 43
GAMES CORRECT 38
PCT CORRECT 88.4%
=============================================================

Thursday, September 4
Southern Mississippi vs UAB
This Thursday night contest in the deep south features two teams
heading in opposite directions. UAB visited Waco, Texas last
Saturday and managed to escape the Baylor area without any
casualties, bringing home a hard-fought win. Southern Mississippi
went to California and performed their best Gray Davis imitation, ie
being complete and total failure, getting themselves clobbered by
the ridiculously embarrassing score of 34-2. Look for the Golden
Eagles to score more than two in Birmingham, but also look for the
hometown Blazers to surprise everyone by scoring 2 more points than
whatever total USM settles on. Upset time on Thursday night, UAB
by 2.

Saturday, September 6
San Jose State vs Stanford
Gas prices are at an all-time high in the USA. This is especially
true in northern California, where any grade of petrol is well over
$2 per gallon. So, it's environmentally and economically good-
sense for San Jose State to schedule their next beating in nearby
Palo Alto. There's no need to fly across North America (like they
did last weekend) to get something you can find in your own
backyard. Stanford by 10.

Slippery Rock vs Youngstown State
Reading in my childhood "Animal are Interesting" collection tells me
that Penguins never have any trouble dealing with slippery rocks.
Look for YSU to get a firm grip as they pound the Rock to rubble
this Saturday. Youngstown by 21.

Middle Tennessee State vs Georgia
The way Georgia's injury situation has been going, Mark Richt had to
really be sweating during last weekend's rout at Clemson. Laughing
THAT hard can lead to a pulled muscle, you know. I don't see any
end to the hilarity this weekend, either. Turning this laugher
into another joke of a football game, look for Georgia to guffaw
themselves a 28 point win over the Blue Raiders of MTSU.

Kent State vs Pittsburgh
This season marks the end of an era for the Pittsburgh Panthers.
Starting NEXT year, they'll become a perennial favorite to win the
Big East. But for this year, their opener marks the beginning of
another run for the Gator or Peach Bowls. Launching 2003 as
expected, look for the Cats to Flush the Flashes from Kent in short
order. Pittsburgh by 21.

Houston vs Michigan
Every time I turn around, it seems that (the city of) Houston is
getting hit by some kind of storm. Thankfully, most of this years'
tempests have been half-pint tropical storms and depressions. But,
it still has to be annoying for the folks in H-town. If the
Cougars from Houston think they're escaping stormy weather by
heading north for the weekend, they'll be sadly mistaken. The
forecast for the Ann Arbor area is not good, especially for visiting
football clubs. Michigan storms to another non-conference win,
call it Wolverines by 16.

Illinois State vs Illinois
If the Fighting Illini were coming off a big win, there could be
some danger of them overlooking their little brethren from ISU. But
after last weekend's last-minute and gut-wrenching loss to Mizzou,
the Champaign Chiefs are going to be in no mood to smoke the old
peace pipe. This weekend finds the Redbirds becoming Deadbirds as
Illinois opens their home season with a solid in-state win. Illini
by 20.

Akron vs Wisconsin
They're starting again, folks. Last year, Barry Alvarez and his
darned Wisconsin Badgers tortured the Prophet all year long. I pick
them to win....they lose, usually on a last second pass or field
goal. I pick them to lose and they trail for an entire game, and
then pull out a win at the end. These guys truly drive me nuts. I
was under 50% on Wisconsin calls last year, and it seems like the
same thing happened in 2001. I've got to make some changes in that
record. Let's hope that picking such a Big Ten powerhouse over
lowly Akron will be a safe start for my recovery plan. Look for
big W to zap the Zips, recording their second "W" of the year.
Wisconsin by 24.

Navy vs TCU
Navy's season was nowhere near smooth sailing even before this
trip. They're going to find the "waters" in Fort Worth completely
unnavigable, and the Middies will run aground quickly in a sea of
Purple Horned Frogs. Texas Christian by 24.

Northwestern State vs Tulane
The Green Wave showed me something in last Monday night's loss to
TCU. Tulane was clobbered in 2002 by the Horned Frogs, but they've
clearly made huge strides of improvement. One less turnover or one
more defensive stop might have equaled a win over a highly-regarded
and (some think) BCS-worthy opponent. So for this contest, expect
the Green Wave to wave bye bye in a hurry to their friends from up
Missouri way. Turning the tide on for their 2003 season, Tulane
evens the record with a 16 point win.

Marshall vs Tennessee
While still dangerous in-conference, Marshall has shrunk from the
national scene a bit in the past year. The Thundering Herd is,
today, more of a Rumbling Clique. The Volunteers from Rocky Top
are, in the hopes of their supporters, "back". After a
disappointing 2002, UT opened this season with a solid, if
unspectacular, victory over reasonable competition from Fresno
State. I heard one announcer remark, upon viewing a long rushing
touchdown by a Volunteer, that "THIS is Tennessee football". The
basic statement is valid, if incomplete. Recent history of
Tennessee football DOES include a strong running game, but it also
boasts a propensity for losing the big game, be it to Florida,
Georgia or whomever. The Vol fans are hoping that this year brings
a repeat of the special 1998 season, and not just standard Tennessee
football. Regardless of what happens down the road, this isn't a
big enough game to trip up UT, especially at home in Knoxville.
So, for now we keep wondering about Tennessee. Vols by 14 on
Saturday.

Colorado State vs California
Bradleeeeeee van Pelt, Colorado State's wiseguy quarterback, might
have a future in coaching, or perhaps motivational speaking. He
sure found a way to inspire the Colorado Buffaloes last weekend with
that "lack of heart" speech. Memories of the 2002 game's helmet-
spiking incident were excellent bonus material. This weekend finds
Bradleeeeeeee headed back to his home state of California to hook up
with the suddenly-ferocious Bears of California. I'm beginning to
think that part of Bradleeeeeeee's boiling anger has its genesis in
the slightly unmanly spelling of his name. Let it go, Brad.
California by 3.

Northern Arizona vs Arizona State
Saturday finds the NAU Lumberjacks riding out of the high country
and into the asphalt jungle of Tempe. Lumberjacks may make a
living by cutting, but it'll be the Sun Devils of ASU doing this
weekend's cutting, chopping NAU down to size. Timmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
ber!!!!! Arizona State by 16.

Furman vs Clemson
OK, it's a given. I can't think of much that Tommy Bowden can do to
preserve his employment. This is, undoubtably, his last year at
Clemson. Given that he's gone, the only question is when. Will it
be sooner or later? Lose to Furman, especially after the atrocious
showing last weekend against Georgia, and it's sooner. Win this
one big, and Tommy gets to hang around for a few more agonizing
weeks. Let's go with the slow torture scenario. Clemson by 21.

Syracuse vs North Carolina
North Carolina might have gotten literally and figuratively trampled
last weekend, but they lead the nation in at least one category.
Have you ever seen anyone clear out a stadium any faster before
halftime? The Tar Heel faithful (??) might just want to hang
around a little later for this contest. I have a funny feeling that
there's going to be a surprise ending. And for Syracuse, it's not
a going to be a good surprise. In an upset, North Carolina by 2.

NC State vs Wake Forest
UNLIKE Maryland, Georgia Tech, Clemson and Duke, the Demon Deacs did
the ACC proud last Saturday, opening with a big road win up at
Boston College. So, it's safe to assume that Wake Forest and their
fans are on fire. It's a shame to see the light of football passion
extinguished so quickly up at Winston-Salem, but that's what will
happen this weekend. Look for Chuck Amato and his pack of Wolves to
smolder the flame of success at Wake, and look for it to happen in a
hurry. The Deacs DO have that "NC State looks ahead to Ohio State"
thing on which to hang some hope. But, last weekend's upset win in
Boston kind of quashed their air of invisibility. NC State by 21.

Virginia vs South Carolina
When asked about last weekend's injury to starting Cavalier QB Matt
Schaub, coach Al Groh said that it would "redefine their season".
Thankfully for Virginia, South Carolina's narrow win against
Louisiana-Somebody last weekend clearly defined the Gamecocks
as "average at the very best". That definition should equate to
another Cavalier victory in this, Virginia's redefined season. UVA
by 12.

LSU vs Arizona
Here we go....one of the first big cat fights of 2003. The
Wildcats of ARIDZONA host the Bayou Bengals of Louisiana State.
Both kitty clubs clawed out easy opening-day victories last
Saturday. But, this weekend, the menu moves from "tender vittles"
to raw meat. Look for lots of hissin', spittin' and caterwauling
for much of the evening. But when the clock strikes 00:00, look
for LSU to be doing their strut, leaving Arizona buried in the
Sonora Desert sand. LSU by 14.

Boston College vs Penn State
If the Eagles can't beat Wake Forest at home in Chestnut Hill, how
can we expect them to succeed on the road in Happy Valley? Well,
logically we can't. But then again, I suppose that it's open for
debate as to whether the Nittany Lions are better than Wake
Forest. PSU didn't exactly thump Temple last weekend, ya know.
But, close or not... a win is a win, and Joe Paterno will do what
he's done better than any other D-1 coach once again, namely record
a victory. Penn State by 8.

Rutgers vs Michigan State
One of the talking head fools on ESPN labeled Michigan State as
his "potential BCS surprise team" for 2003. After last weekend's
near-miss against Western Michigan, the only surprise registered in
East Lansing might be to escape non-conference play with better than
a .500 record. Look for Jeff Smoker and his pals to light up
another win, but perhaps by an uncomfortably close margin.
Spartans by 7. (Isn't underachievement one of the warning signs of
substance abuse?)

James Madison vs Virginia Tech
When you say Madison and you're talking about baked goods, you're
usually talking about Dolly Madison snack foods. This Saturday,
JAMES Madison shows that his name can also be linked to (being a)
cupcake(s). VT by 45.

West Virginia vs East Carolina
Possibly THE best movie of the 2003 summer season was "Pirates of
the Caribbean". And as you may know, sequels are already in the
works. It is not, however, true that this weekend's game in
Greenville is being filmed for theatrical release. "Pirates of the
Eastern Seaboard : The Curse of the Weak Recruiters" just doesn't
have star quality. West Virginia by 7.

Indiana vs Washington
Both IU and UW lost their openers last weekend. In both cases, it
was said that the games were nowhere near as close as the score
might have indicated. The bad news is that both games, "close
score or not", were decided by solid double-digit margins. The
extra-bad news for Indiana is that (at least) the Huskies were
losing to the defending national champs. The Hoosiers were getting
torched by a fairly new member of Division 1. Last week, I joked
about San Jose State flying clear across America to lose a game.
This week's recipient of the "long and winding road" comment is
Indiana. It sure does seem like a long trip from Bloomington all
the way out to Seattle, just to get your butts kicked. Washington
by 24.

Troy State vs Minnesota
The Golden Gophers opened 2003, as predicted, with a beat-down of
the Tulsa Golden Hurricane. (...a lot of "gold" in that game,
huh?) This weekend, they entertain a bunch of feisty southern boys
from Troy, Alabama. These Rebel soldiers are going to be a little
tougher than were the tots from Tulsa. But, with their second long
road trip into Yankee-land in the last two weeks, let's just say
that the Troy boys have been away from hot grits a little too long
to feel comfortable. Losing close on the road, Troy falls to the
hometown rodents. Minnesota by 13.

McNeese State vs Kansas State
McNeese may be the cowboys, but I'd expect Hopalong Snyder and his
Wildcats to be the ones "bustin' broncs" this weekend in
Manhattan. The only serious ridin' these Louisiana `pokes are
capable of doing is done on those grocery store horsies that your
kids feed quarters into. And, don't grocery-store horsies usually
play circus music as they drain your wallet? Look for this to be a
point-scoring circus, with or without Darren Sprouls to add to the
misery for McNeese. K-State by 28.

Utah State vs Nebraska
Nebraska showed almost no offense in last weekend's win over Okie
State. If not for the opportunistic blackshirt defense, the Huskers
would have opened 2002 with a loss. So for now, Nebraska appears
to be a team that needs their opponents' help to win. Play error-
free football on offense, and you can claim a "W" against (formerly
Big) Red. So, let's just figure out the chances of the USU Aggies
playing mistake-free ball. Nebraska by 28.

Wyoming vs Oklahoma State
We got Cowboys from Laramie headed into to town, and we got Cowboys
waiting for them in Stillwater. Folks, this is a true rodeo. The
only thing that'd make it more genuine would be to pin the players'
numbers on their backs with safety pins. And, we could get the
refs to dress as clowns. (Which would, in some cases, justify what
many coaches are thinking.....) Okie State got themselves roped
and branded last weekend up in Lincoln. And, they supplied most of
the rope, with their turnovers. Look for the Stillwater Cowboys to
get the knots out of their lassoes in time for a successful home
gymkhana this Saturday. Steer this one into the OSU column.
Oklahoma State by 16.

Utah vs Texas A&M
Dennis Frangione is considered, by many, to be an offensive-minded
coach. Alabama fans would certainly agree with the notion of Coach
Fran being "offensive". But, last weekend, even the most die-hard
Aggie would've been hard-pressed to detect any discernable
improvement, offensively, over the destitute Slocumb dynasty. THIS
weekend's College Station visitors are the Utes of Utah, and THEY
know how to score points. The Aggies had best get it in gear early
Saturday, and by gear I'd mean something beyond neutral or reverse.
Going out on a limb, something's whispering to me that Utah will be
the team running a smooth transmission on Saturday, and they'll
steal an upset win at sacred Kyle Field. Utes by 1.

New Mexico vs Texas Tech
The TT Red Raiders are one of those gun-slinging offensive squads
that score points by the barrel-full. To beat them, you have to do
one of two things. You can either (a) substantially shut down
their offense by stuffing the run AND putting intense pressure on
the QB, or (b) forget playing defense entirely and plan on
outscoring Tech. New Mexico has no chance of doing "a". And as
for "b", they could probably handle the part about forgetting to
play defense entirely. But, the other part of the equation ain't
gonna happen. Texas Tech by 30.

Connecticut vs Army
The United States Army's advertising slogan emphasizes the concept
of "an Army of one". They'd better bring more than "one" when the
UConn Huskies sled into town. Something tells me that the Black
Knights of the Hudson can be all that they can be, and it still
won't be enough on Saturday. Dogs by 17.

Mississippi vs Memphis
When I hear Mississippi and Memphis in the same sentence, it always
makes me think of Elvis. The King was born in the Magnolia State,
and the spent most of his adult life at or near Graceland on the
mighty Mississippi River. Speaking of Elvis, Ole Miss fans had to
be "all shook up" after last weekend's close call against
Vanderbilt. That's no way to start a Heisman Trophy campaign. This
Saturday offers another opportunity to get upset in the great state
of Tennessee. I believe that history will repeat itself in
Memphis, with the Rebs coming mighty close to gettin' themselves
whooped. But for now, the Eli tour continues unabated. The
Heisman campaign destruction will come as Manning and company get
into the meat of the SEC schedule. Mississippi by 2.

Florida Atlantic vs UCF
When he heard that FAU was "christening" a new rivalry with the
Central Florida Knights, Coach Howard "Red Nose" Schnellenberger was
ecstatic. However, his enthusiasm dulled somewhat when he realized
that no bottle of champagne was involved in this type of
christening. Toasting Howard while UCF toasts FAU, raise your
glasses for a 28 point Central Florida happy hour.

Nevada vs Oregon
I'm not totally sure that the Ducks have a better team than the
Wolfpack, but it shouldn't matter. Unless the Nevada team physician
brought a crap-load of phenergen, the visitors will be unable to
perform in Eugene due to the nausea engendered by viewing the Oregon
uniforms for sixty minutes. Look for the Ducks to throw down while
Nevada's busy throwing up. Oregon by 24.

Oregon State vs Fresno State
One of my astute readers took me to task last week when I said that
beavers use mud to build their damn dams. What I MEANT was that
they used both mud and sticks. OK, OK, they mostly use sticks, so
let's try again. Oregon State should be well-suited for this
contest in Fresno's dog pound. When you're playing with
Bulldogs, "fetching a stick" can be an enjoyable way to make friends
with the pooch. And, if the canine becomes unruly, you can always
beat him with said stick. The only problem is this.....sometimes if
it's a really big dog, you'd better have a really big stick. And,
I don't believe the Beavers are bringing enough wood to the Fresno
shed for this weekend's brouhaha. In an upset, call this one FSU-
West by 3.

Murray State vs Kentucky
The Racers of Murray State will drive into Lexington Saturday, in
search of an early-season tuneup. But after last Sunday's
Governor's Cup loss, they'll find the UK Wildcats in a surly mood.
Look for Rich Brooks and company to pull the Racers' points and
plugs in a heartbeat. And, for an official estimate of the damages,
let's just say Cats by 20.

UT Chattanooga vs Vanderbilt
The Commodores of Vandy have lost something like 18 straight SEC
contests. A lot of folks are hoping that this year is when the
streak will end. Based on how Vandy handled Ole Miss last week,
there could be hope of conference success. But then again, their
best chance might be to get UT-Chattanooga into the SEC before
Saturday's contest. Assuming that the Mocs remain non-conference,
Vanderbilt will have to be satisfied with just getting a win of any
kind. Commodores by 14.

UCLA vs Colorado
Here's a contest between Rick Neuheisel's alma mater and one of his
former employers. I wonder what the random ODDS of that contest
occurring were? And, while we're talking about long shots, what
are the odds of Gary Barnette winning two games in a row to start a
season? Sounds like an opportunity in this contest for someone to
break the old bank in Vegas.....or perhaps be broken by it.
Speaking of "break", the Uclans are breaking in a new coach. Look
for neophyte head coach Karl ----'s first trip as papa bear to be an
unhappy one, with the hometown Buffs stamping out a 10 point win.

BYU vs USC
The soldiers of Troy seem to be engaged in some sort of jihad
against the major religions of the world. Last weekend, they
administered an unholy and biblical beating down in the Baptist
Bible belt of south Alabama. This weekend finds them bullying a
bunch of Mormon pass-attack zealots from over in Provo. These
Latter-Day lads from BYU have seen better-days in the past, and they
shouldn't have much of a prayer Saturday in sordid southern
California. USC by 28. And, we'll see later on how the Trojans
feel about playing Catholics. ;)

Washington State vs Notre Dame
Well, now that most of the conference races have been decided, it's
nice of the Fighting Irish to finally start their season. : ) Then
again, since they're independent, no worries, right? Oh well, as
they say, better late than never. As for never, my advice to the
Cougars of Wazzoo would be to never make a season's first road trip
to South Bend. Notre Dame by 17.

Auburn vs Georgia Tech
There are losses and there are losses. Georgia Tech traveled all
the way to Utah last week to open their season with a loss. But,
there were flashes of future success shown last Thursday in Provo.
When Tech's barely-out-of-high school QB gets a little more
experience, he'll become another ACC headache with which to deal.
Auburn, OTOH, absolutely stunk last Saturday night. About the only
good thing that can be said of the USC debacle is that nobody got
(literally) killed. Now that the Tigers have those national title
hopes out of the way, they can concentrate on having a winning
season. Saturday's trip to Atlanta should offer a chance to achieve
some redemption. And, it might be a good opportunity to restore
some confidence before the start of SEC play. If the Tigers don't
find a little offensive balance, winning the SEC West isn't even a
given. This win won't make Auburn forget about USC, but it'll make
the humiliation a little easier to live with. Auburn by 7.

San Diego State vs Ohio State
The Buckeyes sure didn't look like they missed Maurice Clarett much
last weekend, as they steamrollered the Washington Huskies. Then
again, how COULD they really miss Maurice with him hanging around
all over the place at the game. Isn't this guy suspended? You'd
think that some player who was suspended due to various potential
eligibility violations, coupled with his complete lack of remorse or
investigative cooperation, would be asked (or told) to maintain a
low profile. Not our boy Maurice, though. There he was
EVERYWHERE. Interviews on Game Day, cheering on the fans......just
a hero in trouble, right? Hell, maybe he can even coach the team
this week. I gotta tell you, I'm seriously worried about all those
fans who were holding up "Free Maurice" placards on TV.
Priorities, folks. As for this game, call it an OSU rout,
regardless of who plays, coaches, gets interviewed or whatever.
Buckeyes by 28.

Maryland vs Florida State
Rotund Ralph Friedgen doesn't seem like the sort to be familiar with
bulimia. But, I'm betting that he still found a way to toss his
cookies after last Thursday's upset loss at Northern Illinois.
Judging from the numerous TV shots of Ralph pacing the sidelines, it
appears that the coach's diet is over at College Park. And,
starting 0-2 just might signal the end of any major turtle power for
2003. Hey Ralph....you don't get as much money by playing in a
smaller bowl game, but they still have lots of open buffet! FSU
by 16.

Oklahoma vs Alabama
Last weekend marked a successful debut for new Tide boss Mike
Shula. Possessor of a royal football surname, young Shula showed
that he could make fine halftime adjustments, as his Alabama squad
fought off a pesky, yet under-hydrated, bunch of South Florida
Bulls. It was also nice to see daddy Don watching the fun up in the
pressbox. With Bob Stoopes and the top-ranked Oklahoma Sooners
headed into Tuscaloosa, Mike might just consider asking Dad back
over for the weekend. Having a two-time Super Bowl champ high up
in the stands might could be an asset in this epic struggle. But
to have a decisive effect, the old man had better trade in his
walkie-talkie and binoculars for a deer rifle and a high-powered
scope. That'd be a much more effective method to help Alabama open
a few holes in the Sooner "D". But, assuming that Don can't get
past the metal detectors, look for Mike to even his all-time
coaching record at 1 and 1. Oklahoma by 10.

Florida vs Miami(FL)
A few years ago, the Florida Gators successfully recruited high
school phenom QB Brock Berlin. Shortly after that occurred, they
wooed all-American linemen to Gainesville, with the promise of
building a new "Berlin Wall". In the real world, the Berlin Wall
crumbled and faded into history. In the Gator world, the Berlin
Wall may remain, but the actual Berlin itself has faded into
Hurricane orange and green. Look for this one to be a bit closer
than last year's catastrophe. But in the end, the Gator Berlin Wall
isn't going to be much more effective at keeping the Hurricanes out
of the backfield than the original Berlin Wall was at keeping the
East Germans cooped up. Look for UM to cross the checkpoints enough
to seize a 10 point home victory.