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THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© 2006 P.Chamlis/
The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved

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HAPPY NEW YEAR, everyone! I believe that we all have something to
celebrate as December fades to January. Me? It's the last Prophet
I'll have to write for about seven months and I need the break,
folks. And you?? It's the last Prophet you'll have to READ for
about seven months. You may not realize it, but you need the break,
too. Prophet is literary nicotine, dear Propheteers. Highly
addictive, but not entirely in your best interest.

OK, just kidding around of course. So far, I'm doing fair with the
bowl picks. I'm 12-8 through December 31. That's not really good
compared to the regular season, but when stacked against my past
bowl performance(s), it's a marked improvement. Here's hoping we
get 2006 off to a roaring start.


January 2, 2006

The AT&T Cotton Bowl
Dallas, TX

Texas Tech vs Alabama
AT&T may be a bit off-the-hook from a corporate standpoint, but
they've sure dialed themselves a winning call for the 2006 Cotton
Bowl. This is one of those epic "great offense against killer
defense" battles that we football purists all love. Seeing the Red
Raider spread offense lined up against the Crimson Tide "D" will be
worth whatever your January cable bill costs. But in all honesty,
this prize fight's undercard (Alabama's mediocre offense against
Tech's forgettable defense) may play a big role in who ends up in
the highest Cotton by game's end, so I suppose we shouldn't totally
ignore this aspect of the game. But, let's just say that I'll not
be going for snacks when it's time for the Tide D and the Raider
Spread. As for how it'll finally shake out, I've developed a theory
for this kind of matchup over the past few years, and it seems to be
holding true. In baseball, it's always said that great pitching
beats great hitting. The football version of that thought says that
offense scores points and defense wins championships. As I see it,
spread/finesse nutso offensive schemes don't hold up well against
power defensive teams hell-bent on smacking their opponents in the
puss. That's gonna be the case on Monday, as Alabama's defense
points out all of the holes inherent in the spread offensive
formation. What Tech calls a spread will be a mash for `Bama.
Crimson Tide by 5.


The Outback Bowl
Tampa, FL

Iowa vs Florida
I spent about a week IN the Australian Outback this past summer.
And, I can tell you that the real thing is a lot more colorful and
exciting than this game, mate. Didn't we just play this pairing a
few years ago? Two seasons back, the Hawkeyes flew down to Florida
and rogered the home-state Gators by some three touchdowns or so.
But although this matchup is hardly new and exciting, there's one
aspect that might make things a bit more entertaining. The Gators
are bringing their brand new boy wonder head coach Urban Meyer for
this matchup, instead of former boss Ron Zook. Urbie's "no rules,
just right" attitude about offense might just be enough to turn the
tables on the boys from Cornland in this year's Outback Bowl.
Florida by 2.


The Toyota Gator Bowl
Jacksonville, FL

Louisville vs Virginia Tech
Marcus Vick and his Hokie honchos must have really loved their ACC
title game visit to Jacksonville. Their performance in early
December earned them a repeat visit to the Bold New (but same old)
city of the South. Actually, Frank Beamer and his boys are probably
getting a little weary of anything associated with the state of
Florida. If Tech could just erase their games against Sunshine
State opponents, they might be riding around in limos down in Miami
or even out in Pasadena, rather than slugging it out with L'ullville
for a trophy with Toyota written on it. The Kentucky Cardinals are
probably less than thrilled with their visit to Jacksonville, too,
as they figured a first year in the Big East would equal a trip to a
BCS Bowl. But, THEY had THEIR troubles in the state of Florida
this year as well. (routed by South Florida? Umm umm umm...) So
this "Monday, Monday" blast features two teams that would rather be
somewhere else. Who goes home with the "Corolla Crown"? I say it's
the Hokies, that's Hoooooo. :) VaTech by 6.


The Capital One Bowl
Orlando, FL

Wisconsin vs Auburn
What's in YOUR wallet? Well in the case of Badger boss Barry
Alvarez, it's his final paycheck as head coach. This will be
Barry's final game at the coaching helm in Wisconsin, and it's been
a terrific run in Madison. On a personal note, I actually MET Barry
wayyyyyyyy back when I was 12 years old. He played in the Blue-Gray
All-Star Classic in Montgomery, Alabama, and I went on the field
after the game. Nice guy for a Yankee. :^/ Anyway, I really
hope the Wisconsin brass comes up with something special for Barry
as a retirement gift. A trip to Orlando to be belted by the
merciless Tommy Tuberville's Auburn Tigers isn't exactly the sort of
gold watch most retirees will remember fondly. Barry seems a little
young for Medicare just yet, but he'd best find some sort of medical
plan for his Badgers before kickoff. Auburn's gonna put the wood to
the boys from up north. War Eagles by 10.


The Tostitos Fiesta Bowl
Tempe, AZ

Notre Dame vs Ohio State
The snack chip folks have conjured up a marquee matchup in this
year's desert clash. It doesn't get much bigger nationally than
Notre Dame and Ohio State. With apologies to, and perhaps a bit of
ridicule for, the Oregon Ducks, Oregon versus Ohio State just
wouldn't have had the same zing. For the Buckeyes, the visit to
Arizona brings them back to the scene of their greatest recent
success, their national title victory over Miami in January of
2003. And even though that was quite a while back (when Maurice
Clarett was still, at least in some form, a student-athlete), the
thrill of victory in the desert still warms the cockle of many Ohio
hearts. Over on the other sideline, this season-ending tilt marks
an astounding rebound by the football program at venerable Notre
Dame. It turns out that it really WAS Tyrone Willingham's fault
that the Irish weren't winning more games. (...OK, there's a little
more sarcasm, but with an element of truth included. Ty WAS all
about his system and it wasn't working in South Bend) New boss
Charley Weis has translated his NFL success into a college course
that played well for the Golden Domers. And although I respect the
hell out of Charlie, I have to say I was disappointed with his
comments leading into this contest. When asked about the visit to
the Potato Chip Bowl, CW called it disappointing. His rationale was
that Notre Dame should have beaten both Michigan State AND USC,
which would have put THEM in the Rose Bowl playing for the national
championship. (...assuming that the NCAA wouldn't just give it to
Notre Dame without forcing them to win a bowl game...DEFINITELY
sarcasm there...) Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. Maybe you SHOULD have
beaten the Trojans and Spartans. (And maybe you should quit playing
teams with "classical" mascots?) But Charlie....you damn near lost
to Stanford. They stink, Charlie. Don't get greedy, Charlie.
Don't say ridiculous things like "we're disappointed" to be in the
Fiesta Bowl. Last year, your team's only contact with the Fiesta
Bowl involved a tray of tortilla chips and a bowl of salsa while
sitting in front of a TV set. Be grateful for what you have, and
don't be greedy. Then again, maybe Charlie IS right. Maybe
disappointment WILL define Notre Dame's 2006 Fiesta Bowl visit. In
fact, I believe it will... Ohio State by 3.


The Nokia Sugar Bowl
Atlanta, GA

West Virginia vs Georgia
It's probably a good thing that THIS year's Sugar Bowl is being
played in Atlanta, at least from a drunk-driving hazard standpoint.
The thought of all those Mountaineer fans guzzling hooch down in New
Orleans and then taking to the roads is scary stuff. There's
nothing like a bunch of hicks sporting three-digit alcohol levels
ripping around in headlight-depleted old trucks. I was IN New
Orleans a few weeks ago, my faithful readers, and the last thing
they need in that town are MORE old broken-down cars and trucks
lining their streets. But then again, maybe it's another tragedy
for the folks in Louisiana to be missing out on such a fine economic
opportunity. Selling Pat O'Brien Hurricanes to WVU faithful down on
Bourbon Street might just be the financial windfall needed to jump-
start the rebuilding of the Crescent City. As for the Mountaineer
opponents in the Nokia Bowl, let's just say that Georgia couldn't be
any more at home. Winning in Hotlanta has been an easy thing for
Mark Richt's Bulldogs this year, and I look for them to add the
three-peat to their Peach city win collection on Monday. Georgia by
7.



January 3, 2006

The FedEx Orange Bowl
Miami, FL

Florida State vs Penn State
Some have called this game "one for the ages". It's not necessarily
because of the titanic meaning of the game itself, they're actually
referring to the stature and AGES of the opposing coaches. I heard
someone refer to the 2006 Orange Bowl as being "Grumpy Old Men III",
and that's pretty funny. South Florida is a perfect place to have
these two old geezers hooking up, but they might want to reschedule
the contest for an earlier start. Old guys tend to hit the hay well
before 9 or 10 pm in Miami, and we'd hate to have Bobby or JoePa
nodding off on national TV. Another aspect of this contest is that
it's making Miami a tri-lingual city, with respect to the news
conferences. English and Spanish have long been widely spoken in
Dade and Broward Counties, but listening to Paterno and Bowden
address the press introduces a bit of nursing home gibberish to the
lingual lexicon. For much of this year, I have been shaking my head
locally (here in Tallahassee) at the silliness coming from Pa
Bowden's mouth. But after listening to Yankee Joe's rambling(s) on
a variety of subjects ranging from officiating in this year's loss
to Michigan to (literally) horse manure at the 1990 Blockbuster Bowl
game, I guess the Penn State fans are truly brothers (and sisters)
in arms. As for the Orange Bowl game itself, the old guys are
going to be the marquee attraction, with one of them gaining another
precious "W" for the collection. But the winner of the game will be
determined perhaps by a younger Bowden or Paterno. You see, both
Joe and Bobby have hired their sons into assistant coaching
positions. The Bowden prodigy (...REALLY sarcasm) is FSU's
offensive coordinator, and JoPa's kid is a quarterback coach. So on
the surface, it would appear that Boy Bowden is in more position to
affect the scoreboard than is Kid Paterno, due to his greater area
of coaching responsibility. And for FSU fans, that is NOT good
news. FSU is a proud team with a rich tradition, a fact that
Virginia Tech overlooked in the recent ACC title game. But the
Seminoles' element of surprise in being a bit better than their 8-4
record is long gone after the Jacksonville jig. Joe Paterno may get
caught in a few bunkers on his golfing visits during the Orange Bowl
visit, but his Penn State team won't be caught in any sand traps on
Tuesday evening. Call it a 6 point win for the Nittany Lions,
assisted ably by Junior Bowden.



January 4, 2006

The Rose Bowl Game, presented by Citi
Pasadena, CA

USC vs Texas
At last, we get to the game that everyone wants to see. Truly from
day one of this season, USC and Texas seemed to be the matchup that
America craved. And, to have it occur on the stage that is the Rose
Bowl, the "granddaddy of `em all", well it just seems special. It's
really too bad that we apparently might be seeing something that we
DON'T want come Wednesday evening, namely rain. For the first time
since the Roosevelt Administration, the Tournament of Roses and the
Rose Bowl game appears to be staring up at threatening skies. It
seems that all of the warm and sunny love that California has to
offer has slipped temporarily south into Mexico, leaving the game of
the century about to be played in less-than-memorable conditions.
But assuming that the football Gods will give us a bit of respite on
Wednesday, let's look at what hopefully will be the BCS' first great
clash of titans. The Texas fans have been having a blast making
light of the air of invincibility surrounding USC. Their computer
boards are raising questions about how badly the "Roman
Empire", "Nazi Germany" or "The Hydrogen Bomb" would stand up
against USC. And while such humor is of both a teasing and
sarcastic vein, the truth is that the Longhorns have looked pretty
unbeatable themselves of late. UT QB Vince Young seems to have all
of the tools in his personal arsenal to deny USC the three-peat. (Or
from the LSU and BCS perspective, the re-peat) Four weeks ago, as I
continually watched USC dodge bullets and pull out last minute wins,
I was more than ready to pencil Texas in for a big Rose Bowl win.
But, that was before the Heisman Trophy voting and presentation. Oh
sure, I wasn't a bit surprised that Reggie Bush won the statuette.
Hell, he deserved it. What bothers me is how much it seems to have
chaffed Vince Young. Vince made numerous speeches ahead of the vote
saying how "his numbers would be higher if Coach Brown hadn't pulled
him out of so many games", apparently in an attempt to avoid
embarrassing opponents. (That 70-3 kiss they gave to Colorado in
the Big XII title game notwithstanding...) Then, when Reggie won
the trophy, Vince was quoted as saying what a disappointment it was
to him personally. Vince, get a grip...here are the facts. The day
Reggie Bush hung 500 yards plus on Fresno State, THIS contest was
over. O-V-E-R. And the day that Reggie won the Heisman Trophy
officially, I believe the Rose Bowl was over, too. Vince Young will
not be content to simply play football on Wednesday. Not only does
he want the national title, he'd like to force a re-vote on the
Heisman Trophy balloting. And since he can't possibly do both, I
think he'll come up short on doing either. Trojans by 4.


OK, that's the end of the line for this season, loyal and loving
Propheteers. Thanks for all the kindness you've shown in your
letters. Until summer, when we'll start it all over with "The
Prophet's Annual Birthday Greeting to the Masses", I'm gonna call it
a season.

FOREVER your college football guy, I remain,
The Prophet :)