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THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© 2005 P.Chamlis/
The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved

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Happy Holidays everyone. Oh to heck with being politically
correct. I'm going to say Merry Christmas, too. Happy Hannukah.
Have a kickin' Kwanzaa. And, don't forget to enjoy all of these
bowl games that are about to inundate your TV screens.

As in the past, I will be breaking the bowls into three groups for
Prophet picks. This issue brings the lesser bowls, the lower-tier
contests. Now, for the life of me, I can't figure out how a trip to
Hawaii could be lower-tier in any form or fashion. But lower tier
or not, it's still football. So kick back, spike the eggnog and get
the remote. Here are my picks for the first of what seems like 91
bowl games...

Tuesday, December 20

The New Orleans Bowl
Lafayette, LA

Southern Mississippi vs Arkansas State

Haven't the people of the Gulf Coast suffered enough this year? I
spent a couple of days in New Orleans recently, and folks...it's
still a mess. Confidentially, I can't see where any bowl game
featuring the likes of Arky State is going to cheer up the battered
football fans of the bayou. The fact that this game is CALLED the
New Orleans Bowl, but is being played in Lafayette, pretty much sums
it all up. The spirit exists but the structure is still in
shambles. Speaking of structures and shambles, look for
the "anywhere, anytime" Eagles from Hattiesburg to make life
difficult on the tens of little Indians coming down from Arkansas.
Putting the heat on Arky State while playing in the land of
Louisiana hot sauce, call this one USM by 10.


The GMAC Bowl
Mobile, AL

UTEP vs Toledo

I read where General Motors is about to become the world's second
largest automaker. This would symbolize the end of an era. For as
long as anyone can remember, the automotive giant from Motown has
dominated the world with Chevrolets, Pontiacs and Cadillacs. But
soon, Toyota will have moved enough snazzy Avalons and economical
Corollas to assume the top spot in the world's automotive industry.
This GMAC Bowl is being sponsored by GMAC, which is the money-
lending arm of General Motors. One thing that GMAC has done to
postpone the eventual toppling of GM from the top sales spot is to
lower interest rates on new car loans to ridiculously low levels.
So, considering GMAC's corporate modus operandi, we can't be
surprised at the south Alabama pairing of UTEP and Toledo. "Zero
interest" would have to sum up the local attitude about the clash of
Rocket and Miner at Ladd Stadium on Tuesday night. Sure, folks in
Ohio and west Texas might have a passing fancy as to who ends up on
top in this contest. But beyond that, I'd expect the re-run of
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer to win the Tuesday ratings battle.
As for picking the game, I see UTEP rebounding from a poor season
finish to collect one more 2005 victory, assuming they can keep Head
Coach Mike Price in Mobile and away from the nearby Pensacola strip
clubs. Roll Tide, eh Mike? UTEP by 3.


The Pioneer PureVision Las Vegas Bowl
Las Vegas, NV

BYU vs California

Don't you just know the folks in Vegas would have preferred inviting
ANYONE other than BYZoo to this bowl game? (BTW, thanks to my dear
BYU alumnus friend who shared the BYZoo moniker with me) It's not
that the Cougars are not deserving of bowl status, not at all. It's
just that BYU's fan base doesn't strike me as the type to really
drop wads of their cash Las Vegas. Then again, with those special
and complicated undergarments that most Mormons wear (they're called
simply, "the garments"), they've got a built-in advantage in any
strip poker games. ;0 As for the other side in the contest, the
Cal Bear fans are like any other bunch of normal Americans in the
eyes of Las Vegas. In other words, they're suckers. And being from
the affluent Bay Area of northern California, that makes them RICH
suckers. And, we all know what happens to suckers in Las Vegas.
Yep, they get hustled. And in this case, it'll be a double whammy
for the Bears as they get fleeced by both the locals and the
Cougars. Call this an upset win, as the Cougars add the Bears to
their BYZoo collection. Cougars by 2.


Thursday, December 22, 2005

The San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl
San Diego, CA

Colorado State vs Navy

The "San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl"? My God, what's
next? The Minnetonka Township Amalgamated Brotherhood of Garment
Inspectors, Local 2443 Scab-Buster Bowl? How about "The National
Democratic Party Bowl", which would, naturally, feature two losing
teams. <g> (Sorry, couldn't resist. But, since some of my best
friends are actually Democrats, don't paint me with any Rush
brushstrokes) But seriously, this corporate sponsorship thing is
getting out of hand, don't you think? But as for the Poinsettia
Bowl, say what you think and call it what you want. If we go to
real "truth in advertising", this will be "The Poinsettia Bowl,
sponsored by and wholly supported by the United States Navy". All
Navy has to do in order to receive an annual invite to San Diego is
become bowl eligible. With the conglomeration of Naval facilities
and personnel in the San Diego area, having the Middies in town is a
natural. Colorado State may physically be thousands of miles closer
to the west coast than the Naval Academy. But in reality, the Rams
might as well be from Mars for this game. Call it a home-town win
for Navy. Middies by 7.


Friday, December 23, 2005

The Fort Worth Bowl
Fort Worth, TX

Kansas vs Houston

Well, if there really WERE a Santa Claus and if he stiffed folks for
being bad, KU's beefy boss Mark Mangino would be getting a king-
sized bag of coal for Christmas. He's on the naughty list at Iowa
State, for denying the Cyclones a trip to the Big XII title game.
And, he's getting no rave reviews up in Boulder, Colorado either, as
his antics forced the Buffs into a Big XII title game whacking by
Texas. The Jayhawk reward for such questionable behavior is a trip
to Tarrant County, Texas, and a hookup with good old Cougar High
School from Houston. The Cougs scratched around enough in 2005 to
become bowl-eligible, something that only about 60% of the division
one football teams were able to do. Their reward for doing so will
be a season-ending disappointment at the hands of the Mediocre
Manginos from Lawrence. In a bowl game that illustrates (in living
color) the premise that there are TOO MANY bowl games, call this one
Kansas by 3. The truth be known, there's really only one item of
more than trivial interest to football fans during the week of the
Fort Worth Bowl. It's Mangino versus the mechanical bull at Billy
Bob's. Who are you betting on? I say Mangino, since he outweighs
the tin-can toro. ;)


Saturday, December 24, 2005

The Sheraton Hawaii Bowl
Honolulu, HI

Nevada vs Central Florida

I realize that this is the Christmas season, the time of miracles
for the Christian world. But if I can go a bit Zen here, perhaps
with a little dash of Hinduism...you just never know where life is
going to lead. What is good today is not so tomorrow. And the end
may be only the beginning. Only a few years ago, UCF Coach George
O'Leary was the disgrace of college football coaching. Having just
been named czar for storied Notre Dame, ol' George was found to be
embellishing his resume just bit...something about a master's degree
of some kind. So, Georgie was summarily flushed from the college
football world, ending up in the purgatory that is being an
assistant coach for the Minnesota Vikings. Eventually, the little-
known (in football circles) University of Central Florida lured
George, in spite of his lack of educational background, back to
their sideline...and the Knights began and eventually built college
football's longest losing streak. And at the start of 2005, that's
where we stood. Fast forward a couple of months and there's the old
Irish guy himself, with a lei around his neck and a flowered
Hawaiian shirt circumnavigating his ample girth, coaching his team
in the Sheraton Hawaii Bowl. You know, being in a BCS contest at a
major school is fine, but there's other wonderful things in life.
Spending Christmas in Hawaii might qualify as some seriously
positive energy. Losing will be only a minor turn to what's been a
magical year for the team from the so-called magic city. Nevada by
2.


Monday, December 26, 2005

The Motor City Bowl
Detroit, MI

Memphis vs Akron

If you've already read my pick on the GMAC Bowl, you know that I've
addressed the decline of the American automotive industry. Part of
the problem is that American carmakers are perceived to be producing
products of lower quality. And speaking of lemons, isn't that what
most people would consider THIS contest? Sure, a trip anywhere in
the post-season for either Memphis or Akron is something to write
home about. But, as a televised contest, I'm not sure it'll get
much mileage with the viewing public. Well, much like the American
car industry, it's a question of re-selling the consumer. US cars
used to be 1970s crap, but they're much, much better today. In a
similar vein, the Tigers and Zips aren't yesterday's bucket(s) of
bolts. They've become reasonably decent teams, and have (as have
about 60% of all teams) made themselves "bowl eligible". So, here's
hoping American football fans will take the Motor City Bowl for a
test-drive. As for picking the contest, I stand by what I said
about the teams. They're better than you'd think, especially
Akron. Unfortunately for Memphis, I also remember them as being one
of the few teams to lose to Tennessee this year. And as alternate
universe as it may sound, if you can't beat the Vols you're in
trouble with the Zips. Akron by 3.


Tuesday, December 27, 2005

The Champs Sports Bowl
Orlando, Fl

Clemson vs Colorado

Did you read all of that nonsense concerning the MESS that departed
coach Gary Barnett left in Boulder? Apparently Coach B wasn't much
for keeping accurate records and such, and university administrators
were shocked to find the disheveled affairs present in record-
keeping portions of the school's football program. It sounds as if
Gary is just the man for some sort of government job, maybe over at
Social Security. ;) Oh well, CU has gone and hired themselves a
new coach, Dan Hawkins from up at Boise State. Coach Dan promises
to bring some "Hawk Love" to the Buffalo program, and that better
days are certainly ahead. And speaking of "love", soon-to-be coach
Hawkins said he's busily trying to bag his high school superstar son
for Colorado by "recruiting his mother hard". His exact words.
Hmmmmm...Hawk Love indeed. ;) Well, love may be in the air at CU
soon enough, but the black and gold faithful aren't going to love
what happens to their herd down in Orlando. Buffalo aren't usually
on Tigers' predatory menu, but seeing as how it's near Christmas, it
might be time for some exotic cat cuisine. Going a la carte, call
it Clemson by 10.


The Insight.com Bowl
Phoenix, AZ

Arizona State vs Rutgers

I read somewhere that Rutgers University is offering some sort(s) of
incentives to their students who want to attend the Scarlet Knights'
bowl game. It had something to do with either financial rebates or
course credit. And, for the student body, that sounds like a really
good plan. If I were a Rutgers undergrad, I wouldn't normally be up
to spend a lot of cash going 2,000 miles to see my team get
vaporized in Phoenix. But taking the money or grade point boost
might just be worth the trouble. It's sure as hell better than
taking an incomplete on the old grade point average, ain't it?
Arizona State by 6.


All right, that's it for the games up through December 27th. In
about a week, I'll be out with continuing picks. I hope all of you
have a wonderful holiday (there I go politically correct again!)
season. Enjoy your families and friends and don't forget to turn on
your TV set for some college football!

Prophet