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THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© 2005 P.Chamlis/
The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved

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Games of October 27 – 29, 2005

Hey, not a bad week for mid-October, folks. I was 20-6 last
weekend, making my total for the year 137 out of 184. That's a 74%
clip which, given all the upsets lately, is pretty good. How'd you
like that nail job on the LSU-Auburn game? Sweet way to end the
evening, it was!

Hey, let's talk a little NBA basketball for a second...no
really. :) Did you see where the league is going to institute a
dress code, requiring their players to wear "business casual" dress
when traveling on team business and such? Well, OF COURSE many of
the players immediately screamed "racist", because they saw it as a
dissing of the hip-hop wardrobe favored by the Iversons and
Sprewells of the world. In a rare moment of good sense, the NBA
Players' Union negotiators (who themselves probably have to dress up
for meetings) went along with the business-casual edict. The best
line of the week came from Stephen Jackson who, they tell me, is a
shooting guard for the Indiana Pacers, who or whatever THEY are.
Steve said that "if they're gonna make us wear those kind of
clothes, they should buy them for us". Well Steve, considering
that the minimum NBA salaries are well into seven figures, don't you
think you can afford to swing by The Means Warehouse for a couple of
sport coats and a pair or two of dress trousers? And if you insist,
as do most of your idiotic hip-hop homies, on wearing your clothes
fourteen sizes too big, be happy to know that the Warehouse has an
extensive "Big and Tall" department. In this case, I can safely say
that George Zimmerman, the renowned founder of the Means Warehouse,
will have to change his usual shtick to something like this:

Stephen, you're gonna hate the way you look, I guarantee it.
<LOL> Wear your tie and shut your pie hole, clown.

OK, let's get back to something much more entertaining and important
than professional basketball...

Thursday, October 27
Boston College at Virginia Tech
Thursday night brings two serious contenders for the ACC
championship together in Blacksburg, Virginia. If you want an
indication of how much this conference has improved in the last
couple of years, consider that both BC and VaTech were in the Big
East only two years ago. And now, here they are, two true
heavyweights in their new ACC home. And like a heavyweight
championship fight, this one could be a slugfest; not for the faint
of heart. This is the college football equivalent of two Sherman
Tanks firing at point-blank range. And after Thursday night, it'll
be quite apparent to both BC and the nation as to which mechanized
division has the higher caliber shells. Blasting aside another
challenger to an undefeated season, the Hokies win at home, call it
by 14.

Friday, October 28
Well folks, every prognosticator has teams and conferences that
continually bone him. Among my many nemeses are the Colorado State
Rams. Sonny Lubick's sheep continue to pull the wool over my eyes
in every way, shape and form. When I court them, I'm left at the
door with my box of candy. When I shun them, they win big just to
spite me. Yea, I'm developing a solid hatred for CSU. (not really,
Mike!) OK, when in doubt, go with the mascot rule. Examine the
mascots in question, and choose the one that would win a theoretical
battle. As an example, if USC were playing Oregon, one should
consider that a Trojan could overpower a Duck. Get the idea? Don't
laugh, I knew a lady who once won a pile of money in a holiday bowl
pool, and she didn't know jack about college football. She just
played the mascot game. So, on this Friday night, we have some
Rams, which are sheep with balls, butting up against the Lobos of
New Mexico. For those of you who don't have brilliant kids acing
their high school Spanish class, a "lobo" is a wolf. Wolves eat
sheep. Rack it, folks. New Mexico by 5.

Saturday, October 29
Texas at Oklahoma State
Things are looking fine for Mack Brown's herd of Longhorns. They've
pretty much vanquished any threat to an undefeated season with their
wins over Ohio State, Oklahoma and Texas Tech. Sure, there's Texas
A&M yet to go, but...c'mon. I'd say that if UT can just keep
focused and have at least a "B" effort on any remaining Saturday of
their season, the Rose Bowl awaits. As for this roadie, let's just
consider the opposition. The Stillwater Cowboys couldn't come
within a dozen lassoes of roping the Texas Aggies a couple of weeks
ago. I say that tying up a Longhorn is a helluva lot bigger job, my
friends, especially THIS year. Texas by 20.

Texas Tech at Baylor
The last two weeks are a case of good news and bad news for the
Texas Tech Red Raiders. The bad part was that last weekend showed a
fundamental difference between Tech's first six opponents and their
seventh. The good news is that THIS Saturday afternoon road trip
brings another opponent of that "first six" ilk. If Mack Brown were
a little prettier, the Tech schedule up through this game could be
branded as "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves". Hi-ho, Hi-ho, it's
off to rout we go. Tech by 28.

Colorado at Kansas State
Sorry K-Staters. You guys know how much I love those Wildcats.
They're near and dear to my heart; Big XII loves of my life. OK,
I'm pouring it on a little thick. But, I do like K-State. Really.
But frankly, I'm buffaloed as to what's gone wrong in Manhattan.
Has Coach Snyder lost his touch, or is this just a rough stretch in
a long highway? Time will tell, I suppose, but like I say, for now
I'm buffaloed. And on Saturday, I won't be the only person or person
(s) who get buffaloed. Look for CU to "Buffalo" K-State in their
own backyard. Colorado by 10.

Ohio State at Minnesota
Even though I worked in healthcare for over thirty years, I
inexplicably watch some of those doctor shows on television. And
during all of my ER career experience(s), be they live or on
television, I've NEVER seen a more acute case of "choking" than what
affected the Golden Gophers against Wisconsin. This week brings an
opportunity for some conference atonement. But, I expect to see
some more choking, of the "Ohio State has their fingers around
Minnesota's throat" variety. Look for the Buckeyes to do the good
kind of choking TO the hometown rats on Saturday. OSU by 14.

Wisconsin at Illinois
Ron Zook's Fighting Illini are becoming somewhat of a "miracle cure"
for fellow members of the Big Ten. Suffer a heartbreaking loss
recently? Take a big gulp of Champaign orange and blue and see if
you don't feel better by the fourth quarter, just ask Joe Paterno
and Penn State. Last weekend, they trudged into town all anemic and
depressed, and they literally tap-danced their way home after the
game. Let's just say that if Wisconsin has any lingering pain from
their recent loss to Northwestern, Illinois should be "just what the
doctor ordered". Here's to your health, Coach Alvarez. Wisconsin
by 21.

Wake Forest at Duke
Now that Florida State has left town, Duke can go BACK to scoring in
single digits. There's something about FSU in recent years that
brings out the best in the subpar ACC offenses. But this Saturday's
visitors, the Demon Deacs of Wake Forest, will be philosophically
better prepared to shut down Duke's new-found rushing attack. You
know how they say "don't kid a kidder"? Well, don't try to run over
a power football team, either. Back to the basics, call it a Wake
win via the ground game. Deacs by 15.

Southern Miss at N.C. State
I don't think it's "in" anymore to say "DUH" to an obviously true
statement. But, I used to kind of like that kidspeak. San
Francisco has a lot of hills. DUH. Democrats hate George Bush.
DUH. Anyone who buys a used Fiat is insane. DUH. Reggie Bush is
going to win the Heisman Trophy. DUH. Chuck Amato is going to get
his ass fired at NC State if he doesn't stop losing football games
to the likes of Wake Forest. DUH. Yea, Chuckie's in big trouble in
Raleigh, and I truly doubt he'll survive the winter firing season.
But on Saturday, he'll give the home folks a chance to shout his
name minus any obscenities. Wolfpack by 7. DUH.

Mississippi at Auburn
Ole Miss' fate was sealed LAST Saturday night. Did you see that
look on Auburn Coach Tommy Tuberville's puss as his Tigers missed a
game-tying FG in overtime? Man, it was pure evil. Look for
Mississippi to suffer the consequences of the voodoo Auburn brings
back from the Louisiana bayou. Tigers by 21.

Air Force at BYU
I see where Air Force coach Fisher DeBerry is up to his keister is
trouble for some remark about the Falcons not "having enough black
players to as fast as some other teams". I guess they're all over
on the Academy swim and hockey teams, huh coach? As for this
weekend, the good news is that BYU isn't exactly Soul Train
themselves. The Falcons, despite being incredibly white, should be
able to keep up with the Wasatch Mountain cats, at least for the
better part of the game. But something tells me that BYU will find
a way to get things done at home this weekend. Cougars by 3. This
should make the Propheteer/BYU fan who wrote to me last weekend very
happy. See, guy? I WILL pick the Cougars to win sometimes...I'm
just not stupid enough to pick them to beat Notre Dame in South
Bend, with the Irish coming off a loss. :)

Washington State at USC
Pete Carroll and his gilded soldiers finally return to Los Angeles,
after an extended road trip. The time away from the Coliseum had a
few close calls, but the Men of Troy somehow managed to escape with
their record unblemished. Some say that the Trojan defense is the
squad's Achilles Heel. (Classic humor, huh?) But, I don't believe
that Wazzoo has the muster to provide more than token resistance to
SC's national championship odyssey. (more fun!) So, call me a
Homer (OK, I'll quit) as I pick USC to wow the home fans with a big
win. Trojans by 28.

Purdue at Penn State
It may be tough to tell exactly which coach is the elder "Joe" in
this Big Ten clash. Joe Paterno of Penn State is the second-oldest
coach in Division 1. However, recent wins over Illinois and Ohio
State, sandwiched around a loss at Michigan, have put a spring into
ol' Joe's step. But speaking of "old Joe", PU coach Joe Tiller is
starting to look old before his time as his Boilermakers continue a
season-long meltdown. I don't see things improving for the Tiller-
man on Saturday, either. Look for the PSU crowd to produce another
white-out wipe-out for the Lions. Penn State by 14.

Utah State at Alabama
A couple of years ago, Alabama Coach Mike Shula and Athletic
Director Mal Moore were having lunch in the school cafeteria. Coach
Shula made the following remark, as he headed for the dessert
tray... "I love cream-puffs". Ask and ye shall receive, Coach Mike,
replied good old Mal. Look for `Bama to cream the Utah State Aggie-
puffs in grand style. Crimson Tide by 28.

Arizona at Oregon State
Last weekend, the Oregon State Beavers ALMOST beat a schizophrenic
bunch of Cal Bears down in Berkeley. And on that same Saturday,
Mike Stoopes' Arizona Wildcats ALMOST got close enough to make a
game of it against Oregon, at least for a quarter or two. I don't
know the budget situation in the UA athletic department, but it
would seem that traveling to Corvallis on Saturday just to prove
that the Wildcats can't beat EITHER team from Oregon is just a waste
of money. Look for Arizona to absorb a Beaver-beatin' in the damp
Pacific Northwest. OSU by 12.

UCLA at Stanford
In the rich history of Pac Ten football, Stanford has made a
reputation with a few stunning wins over John McKay and John
Robinson's USC Trojan teams. I see no reason to believe that
they're not capable of transporting some of that mid-70s pain to
USC's City of Angels counterpart from over in Westwood. The Uclans
may still prove an obstacle for Southern California at season's
end. But on THIS weekend, THEIR undefeated season hits a Cardinal-
red brick wall. In an upset, call it Stanford by 2.

Fresno State at Hawaii
My wife told me a long time ago that I could go to the Hawaii for
the game if "FSU ever plays there". YES, I TRIED to scam it with
Fresno State angle, and NO it didn't work. Sigh. Look for the
Bulldogs to ride the Waikiki wave to a WAC-ky win. FSU (West) by 7.

South Carolina at Tennessee
During last weekend's Alabama-Tennessee game, MUCH was made of the
Alabama fans' patent dislike for Tennessee Coach Phil Fulmer. (It
seems that Phil has been given credit or blame for ratting Alabama
out to the NCAA for some recruiting violations a few years ago.)
Well, the Alabama fans don't have anything in the hatred category
that the Tennessee faithful haven't felt towards one man more than
any other... Steve Spurrier. Good old Steve. Back when he coached
the Florida Gators, he made his famous remark about how you couldn't
spell citrus (as in the lesser-tier Citrus Bowl) without a "U" and
a "T", as in UT. Well, what goes around comes around. And this
weekend in Knoxville, Spurrier slithers into town with his new team,
the South Carolina Gamecocks. Look for a ticked-off bunch of
Tennessee Volunteers to cook Stevie's goose while they're hacking up
his chickens. Tennessee by 14.

North Texas at LSU
This game was slated to be LSU's season-opening contest, but we all
know about how Hurricane Katrina wiped it from the early-September
slate. North Texas must REALLY need the paycheck from this contest,
because they inexplicably allowed the game to be rescheduled to mid-
season, when LSU will be in full stride. But then, this may be a
perfect time to visit Baton Rouge. Sandwiched between Auburn and
Alabama, the Tigers might just overlook the Mean Green enough to
make it a contest. You believe that? Me neither. Geaux Tigers!
LSU by 30.

Clemson at Georgia Tech
This Hotlanta hassle features two well-rested ACC teams. Georgia
Tech avoided a beating in Miami last weekend courtesy of Hurricane
Wilma. And Clemson hardly cracked a sweat as they blew away Temple
in Death Valley. Two factors determine how this one should go...
First, Tech QB Reggie Ball has had a couple more weeks to heal both
his body and psyche. I think he might be ready to play a little bit
of football. And the second involves the Clemson time-bomb.
Tommy's Tigers always have a couple of games in each season where
they inexplicably implode. Don't know why, but I think the old oven-
timer's about to go off Saturday in Bobby Dodd Stadium. In an
upset, Georgia Tech by 2.

North Carolina at Miami
This game was originally scheduled to start at 3:30 pm. But, it
seems that Hurricane Wilma has damaged the lights, or something
similar, at the Orange Bowl. So, the powers (more accidental humor)
that be have moved kickoff up to noon, in order to take advantage of
daylight. All in all, that's a wise move, and not just for this
contest. I've been in the neighborhoods around the Orange Bowl, and
I'll tell you this, folks...it's not a place that you want to be in
the dark. It kind of makes post-hurricane New Orleans look like
Disneyland. Oh well, rain or shine, sunny or hazy, look for UNC to
leave town with some Hurricane damage of their own. Miami turns out
the Tar Heels' lights, call it `Canes by 17.

Maryland at Florida State
FSU Coach Bobby Bowden has been telling one little story all this
week. In remembering last year's upset loss at Maryland, Coach
Dadgummit has repeatedly said "they (Maryland) couldn't do nothing
on offense last year, both before and after they played us. But
when we were there, they was good." In short, the presence of FSU
somehow turned Maryland into an offensive juggernaut, at least on
one Saturday. The QB who carved FSU up last year almost immediately
(during the next game) lost his starting job, due entirely to season-
long (minus the FSU game, of course) on-the-field performance. But,
due to an injury situation, he may return to the huddle just in time
to take another swipe at FSU. The Seminole defense made Duke look
like a power football team last Saturday, and a repeat performance
at home this weekend will spell doom for the `Noles. All in all, I
expect FSU to again make Maryland look like a pretty good football
team. FSU will certainly do a little hosing around, as has become
their recent trend. But so long as they stick with making Maryland
look "pretty good" instead of "great", homecoming weekend in
Tallahassee should end on an upbeat. FSU by 7.

Oklahoma at Nebraska
Remember when the Oklahoma-Nebraska game was about THE biggest thing
on the college football scene? Barry Switzer. Tom Osborne. J.C.
Watts & Billy Sims. Eric Crouch. Mike Rozier. Leroy Selmon. Trev
Albert. (hey, congrats on getting fired from ESPN, Trev. As
Yosemite Sam would say, maybe THAT will learn you to keep your big
mouth shut. :) You get the idea. The annual clash of Sooner and
Cornhusker was history in the making. And now? Well, let's put it
this way...I'll bet this one ends up on ESPNU. Folks, I've met more
people who've had smallpox than have ESPNU on their cable systems.
SOMEBODY is getting ripped off on THAT advertising. OK never mind,
the point is this...Oklahoma and Nebraska meet in Lincoln this
weekend, and few people really care. For those of you who do, I'm
calling it for the road team. OU by 2.

Michigan at Northwestern
Santa Claus. The Easter Bunny. The Tooth Fairy. It seems that so
many things that I once believed in prove to be untrue. Big Ten
football brings back many of these memories. It seems to be the
conference, above all others, that sucks me in and spits me out. As
soon as I begin to truly believe in a Big Ten team, they go all
tooth-fairy on me. Well, I'm starting to believe in Northwestern.
The way in which they pounded Michigan State last weekend had to
have impressed the Michigan team and coaches. The mere fact that
I'm going to pick the Wildcats to continue their winning ways at
home on Saturday should be enough to bring this train to a
screeching halt. But here's hoping that I still find the equivalent
of something under my Christmas tree when I read the scores in my
Sunday paper. Northwestern by 6.

Georgia vs. Florida (in Jacksonville, FL)
This SEC clash is known far and wide as "The World's Biggest Outdoor
Cocktail Party". Bulldog Coach Mark Richt would be well-served to
crack open his rotgut well before game time, considering the ugly
news about starting QB D.J. Shockley. The Dawgs may yet fight their
way into the SEC title game, but on this Saturday afternoon, it'll
be the lower-ranked Gators who pop corks in celebration. I was
going to call this an upset, but I see that Vegas has joined me in
making UF the favorite, due entirely (I'm sure) to the Shockley knee
problem. Look for Florida to put a medial sprain on Georgia's Rose
Bowl hopes, call it Gators by 6.

OK, that's it for this week. See you next time around. And thank
God for the end of Daylight Savings Time. I truly believe that it
should be dark at 8:30 pm. 91, ST.