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THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© 2005 P.Chamlis/
The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved

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Games of September 29 – October 01, 2005

Well, I had a pretty decent week, save a last minute collapse by
LSU. I went 19 for 22, as 4 of 5 overtime games broke my way. That
drives my yearly total to 80% (66/83). It can't stay that way, but
just to be sniffing the high clouds this late in September is so
very worth it all.

So, what's on tap for this week? Read on...

Thursday, September 29
Air Force at Colorado State
The US Air Force is not your father's Army Air Corps. They've
replaced the saturation bombing of WWII with precision or, as they
call them, surgical strikes today. Unfortunately, the targeting of
these so-called smart bombs isn't 100% accurate, and there are
often "near misses". Near-miss could describe quite a few of the
USAFA football games this year as well. As for Thursday night,
let's just say that I think Air Force is about due to bulls-eye a
target in Fort Collins. Falcons by 4.

Friday, September 30
Pittsburgh at Rutgers
Was last weekend's big Panther win a sign that Dave Wannstedt has
finally turned the corner in Pittsburgh? Well, the bad news is that
Pitt is still only 1-3. But when you think about it, they've at
least made some progress since that debacle against Ohio a few weeks
ago. In addition to their stunning triumph against Youngstown State
(obvious sarcasm, eh?), the Panthers damn-near beat mighty Nebraska
the week before (even more sarcasm). This Friday night, we'll find
out one of two things. Either last week's game signaled that Pitt
has finally found their identity. Or, perhaps it just means that
they found someone they could beat. I suspect that there's truth in
both notions. But seeing as how this Friday is my "always sees the
good in people" daughter's birthday, let's give the moustache man
the benefit of the doubt. Hell, it's Rutgers, folks. Pitt by 2.

Saturday, October 1
Texas at Missouri
Nobody was happier to see Southern California rally to beat Oregon
last weekend than Texas coach Mack Brown. Had the Trojans been
upset, it would have certainly led to the Longhorns being named
numero uno. And, that might have led UT back to their
underachieving ways. Mizzou is no great football team, we all know
that. But, they would be dangerous for any OVERLY big-headed team
from Texas on Saturday. As it is, Mack's Toros will only have the
big win over Ohio State to feed their ego. I suspect it won't be
enough to foul up Texas' big dreams. Longhorns by 14.

Florida Atlantic at Louisville
OK, this game doesn't mean squat. But, I'm picking it on a
vendetta. I said that damned Howard Schnellenberger's Owls would
win last weekend, and they bit me on the butt. Thank God I chose
not to make a pick on the Louisville-USF game, because I would have
missed that one by a mile, too. For this game, I expect that the
Cardinals will be in an extremely foul humor following the Tampa
tragedy of last Saturday. So, watch me smile broadly as I tell you
that Howard's old team (Louisville) will mash his new team (FAU) up
at old Papa John's Stadium. Better ingredients, better pizza? Try
better players who are more pissed off. Louisville by 24.

Virginia at Maryland
Our local newspaper, the Tallahassee Democrat (aka "The Mullet
Wrapper"), made the following statement, with regard to the Virginia
Cavaliers. "Virginia must be careful of upcoming potholes on their
schedule". OK, I'll buy that. But as potholes go, Maryland doesn't
appear to be a very deep one. So, I think the Wahoos will win on
the road, potholes and all. Let's call it by 9.

Indiana at Wisconsin
This is Badger Coach Barry Alvarez's swan song season. Before the
2005 campaign, the head rat announced his retirement as head
football coach. And things have gone swimmingly as UW remains
undefeated. They even managed to finally beat Lloyd Carr and
Michigan as a going-away present for Coach Barry. And while that
Wolverine win was quite a treat, beating Indiana should hold nowhere
near as much magic. In the football equivalent of giving your dad
his yearly tie for Father's Day, look for Wisconsin to give ol'
Coach one more helping of Hoosier on his way out the door. Badgers
by 14.

Connecticut at Army
I predicted an Army loss last Friday night, and it happened...but it
didn't happen the way I suspected. I knew that Army boss Bobby Ross
was a crusty old soldier who'd put up a good fight. But jeez, I
didn't expect it to be so darned close. Army came within an
artillery shell of exploding right in Iowa State's faces on the
banks of the Hudson. Folks, I was impressed by what Bobby Ross has
done for the Black Knights. On Saturday, look for Army to return to
winning football games as they subject the Connecticut Huskies to a
classic pincer strategy featuring a sound game plan and a rabid home
crowd. Bobby's band of brothers triumph for the first time in 2005,
call it by 7.

Illinois at Iowa
This one's the disappointment bowl. Both Illinois and Iowa are
coming off VERY disappointing losses. The difference is that Iowa's
players have had two weeks to seethe over their collapse against
Iowa State, whereas Ron Zook's Illini were only embarrassed seven
days ago. And FWIW in the Illinois case, being beaten is becoming a
habit. The only feathers in the Illini bonnets this weekend will
belong to an angry bunch of Iowa Hawkeyes. Putting talons to the
visitors, call this one Iowa by 10.

Mississippi at Tennessee
For two and a half quarters last weekend, I looked like a genius
with regard to Tennessee. The Vols were stumbling around Baton
Rouge, playing every bit like a team that had just gotten off a
bumpy plane ride...which turned out to be the case. UT Coach Phul
Fillmer had chosen to fly in on the day of Monday's game only a few
hours ahead of kick-off. This was admittedly due more in part to
the shortage of hotel space in Baton Rouge than to some idiotic
strategy on Phul's part. Luckily for the Vols, this week's travel
plans will be much less complicated, as Ole Miss crawls into Neyland
Stadium for a whipping. Tennessee may be about to become a much
better football team, now that they've settled on the right starting
QB. Look for new field general Rick Clausen to lead the Rocky
Toppers to an easy SEC win against the undermanned Rebels.
Tennessee by 17.

Utah at North Carolina
A couple of weeks ago, Utah had the nation's second longest winning
streak snapped by TCU. A lot of people felt and said that the Utes
might have simply overlooked the Horned Frogs just a bit, resulting
in the upset loss. No matter, Utah headed back to SLC and started
another win streak by beating the Air Force. I'm sure they've
learned their lesson about overlooking innocuous teams on the road.
Sure they have... In an upset, Carolina wins at home, call it
Heels by 2.

LSU at Mississippi State
Boy, it's a good thing LSU is back on the road this weekend. I
don't think the people of Louisiana could stand another dose of the
same "emotional help" meted out by the Tigers last Monday night.
Sure, things started out well in Tigerland. But by the third
quarter, LSU had begun taking on water faster than the ninth ward in
Orleans Parish. And the Bayou Bengals' performance thoroughly
avoidable overtime was the football equivalent of standing on a roof
and signaling for a helicopter. As for this weekend, I figure the
only team needing a rescue will be the hometown Bulldogs. LSU by
14.

Syracuse at Florida State
Last season found FSU registering a hard-fought four point win over
Syracuse. But since then, so much has changed. Syracuse has a new
head coach and a new offensive scheme. FSU has a new starting QB
and a newfound offensive confidence. So isn't it funny that all
this change won't amount to a hill of beans on the final
scoreboard? New year, old result. FSU by 4 points, as they win an
unexpectedly difficult contest.

Iowa State at Nebraska
In their last game, the Iowa State Cyclones ALMOST lost to Army. In
THEIR last game, the Nebraska Cornhuskers ALMOST lost to
Pittsburgh. This week, I ALMOST picked Nebraska to win an upset
victory at home in Lincoln. Then, I sobered up. Look for things to
get a little hotter on embattled NU coach Bill Callahan this
Saturday as the home Huskers lose. After several close calls,
Nebraska finally shakes hands with defeat as Iowa State wins by 3.

Minnesota at Penn State
I've heard folks whispering that "Penn State is back". Penn State
football and their venerable coach Joe Paterno are back. And in a
twisted way, I agree. They're about to be right back where they've
been over the last couple of years. Racking up their first
conference loss at home, Happy Valley faces a Golden Gopher
infestation on Saturday. Minnesota uses their ground game to dig
out a 6 point Big Ten win at State College.

Clemson at Wake Forest
I read in the local newspaper that four of Clemson's last fifteen
games have gone into overtime. Now prior to 2005, that was a good
thing, as the Tigers had been on an overtime victory roll. However,
extra time this year has meant extra misery for Clemson and its
fans. Look for Clemson's Groundhog Day season to take a change in
direction Saturday. Going on the road for the first time, I see the
Tigers getting it done ON time THIS time. Clemson by 7.

Arizona at California
Gas prices are high everywhere. But my trusted sources in
California say that they're higher in the Golden State than just
about anywhere else, save maybe Iceland. I've heard that corporate
lawyers have started riding the bus to work. Jeez Louise. In light
of that disturbing news, I'd suggest that Arizona stick with
their "red state" philosophy and political leader. President Bush
says that we should cut out any "unnecessary travel" to save fuel.
I'd say that going up to Berkeley to get clobbered is pretty
unnecessary. Cal by 16.

Kansas at Texas Tech
I really can't wait until Texas Tech lines up against a reasonably
good team. What the Red Raiders have been doing to the collection
of losers on their early-season schedule is nothing more than
bullying 101. I have to admit that I'm kind of looking forward to
seeing someone stick it to Tech one of these days. But, on a more
sinister note, I'm also kind of enjoying the view as the Red Raiders
mercilessly crush their September victims, one sorry team after
another. Enter October and yet another helpless victim. Texas Tech
by 24.

South Carolina at Auburn
Steve Spurrier's return to the SEC has given him the chance to hook
up with a lot of old friends. And, we all know that good old Steve
was all about making friends back when he coached at Florida. (Even
MORE sarcasm! Can you believe it, a Prophet issue featuring
sarcasm...I know, I know, THAT'S sarcasm, too) This weekend, Steve-O
takes his Gamecocks down to Auburn, a friendly little town that just
LOVES Steve, for a conference tilt. As for South Carolina, they
have to use a new QB, due to an injury suffered by starter Blake
Mitchell. The new guy is more of a "running" QB, per the ol' ball
coach. That's probably a good thing, because running for his life
is what he'll be doing Saturday in Jordan-Hare. Look for this to be
another "welcome home" party for Spurrier, courtesy of Tommy
Tuberville and the hometown Tigers. Auburn by 16.

Kansas State at Oklahoma
I was listening to some old Elvis tunes on my iPod today. (Note to
the world at large...I LOVE my iPod, and I highly recommend that
everyone get one. If you love someone, buy them an iPod for
Christmas :) Anyway, that tune "Now or Never" came on the
shuffle. And, it's a perfect song to sum up this contest. It's now
or never, perhaps for both teams. KSU had NOW better win against a
name team or they'll NEVER move up in the polls. Oklahoma had NOW
better win a big game or they'll NEVER be playing football come New
Year's Day. Look for the Sooners to quit playing football sooner
than usual this year. Kansas State by 1.

South Florida at Miami
Let's talk about the Louisville Cardinals, rather than Miami or USF,
at least for a bit. Last season, Louisville gave Miami more than
they wanted, eventually losing a close game in the Orange Bowl.
Let's just say that Louisville GOT Miami's attention for the
foreseeable future. And last weekend, Louisville flapped into an
ambush at USF, with the Bulls mauling the Cards in shocking
fashion. So, given Miami's continued knowledge of and respect for
Louisville, let's just say that USF has lost any element of surprise
on Saturday. When the Bulls go into the arena in Dade County,
they'll face a focused bunch of Matadors from Miami. Look for the
end result to be the same in the Orange Bowl as it is any weekend in
Spain. Look for the Toros to get torpedoed by the Hurricanes, call
it Miami by 17.

Washington at UCLA
There's so much I can't figure out about both Washington and UCLA.
I can't figure out why the Huskies hired Tyrone Willingham. If he
wasn't winning consistently at Notre Dame, what's to say he'll do so
in Seattle. As for UCLA, I still can't figure out how they so
thoroughly demolished Oklahoma. The win wasn't too surprising, it's
just how EASILY it was accomplished. Has UCLA suddenly become a
decent team? A friend of mine keeps telling me that the Bruins will
beat USC this year. But until my friend gets out of our local
insane asylum, I'm not taking any Prophet advice from him. I can
make my own silly mistakes, thank you. And although I love picking
upsets, I'll tell you that I've decided Washington is definitely NOT
a team worth sticking one's neck out for. Look for things to
uncharacteristically go as planned Saturday in Pasadena. UCLA by 10.

BYU at San Diego State
I continued my season long rag-job on BYU last weekend by
questioning the manhood of their fraternities. Well, guess what?
They don't HAVE fraternities at BYU. I guess I'll just have to
question the manhood of the school from now on. :) Seriously, I
was informed that BYU has "clubs" instead of frats, and I was
supplied with an extensive list of said clubs. Some of them were,
in my opinion, code words for other activities. For example,
the "Peruvian Club" sounds more like a "la casa de crack cocaine"
than any social group. But no matter, let's move on to this
weekend's game. Whereas BYU has no fraternities, San Diego State IS
a fraternity. That's what the whole school is all about...party,
party, party. In California, kids with higher SATs consider SDSU to
be the equivalent of juvenile detention. That being said, imagine
how embarrassing it'll be for these Aztec party grunts to lose to a
bunch of clean living nerds. Harsh, dude. BYU by 6.

Notre Dame at Purdue
Last Saturday brought a tough loss to Joe Tiller's Purdue
Boilermakers. PU felt that their conference schedule, which does
NOT include Michigan or Ohio State, was a fast track to a Big Ten
title. Who knew that Minnesota would offer an early stumbling
block? And now, previously unfeared Michigan State looks suddenly
lethal. Oh well, the Boilermakers have a lot of soul searching to
do with regard to their conference position. On this weekend, none
of that matters as independent Notre Dame comes calling in West
Lafayette. Collective wisdom in college football holds Purdue in
high regard. And given their recent success against the Irish, it
seems that Saturday should bring a big win for old PU. But
something tells me that Purdue PurDON'T know the dangers that await
them on Saturday. This Charley Weis guy knows a thing or two about
coaching a football team, and I have a feeling that the luck of the
Irish might be about to return in West Lafayette. In an upset,
Notre Dame by 2.

Virginia Tech at West Virginia
Who was it that first said that "those who fail to learn from
history are doomed to repeat it"? Maybe it was someone at FEMA.
But for this game, it's pertinent. A couple of years ago, Virginia
Tech cruised into the game against West Virginia undefeated and
riding high. When it was over, the Mountaineers had gelded the
Hokies, sending Beamer Ball crashing into a five loss season. Now,
I doubt there are many helmeted scholars out there studying any kind
of history. However, from an academic standpoint, I do believe that
what VaTech will do to West Virginia on Saturday should make the
dissection lab professors sit up and take notice. Hokies by 12.

Michigan at Michigan State
There are few college football prognosticators who've remained
unscathed while picking Michigan State games. The Spartans are
notorious for being inconsistent. They'll post a huge win, and then
fall flat on their collective faces. THIS game scares the living
bullstew out of me, folks. On the surface, it's a slam-dunk that
would make the Spartan basketball Coach Tom Rizzo envious. You see,
Michigan pretty much stinks...at least from a national power
standpoint. Let's just say that if Michigan were an airline, they'd
be a regional carrier. No national presence. There's really no
good reason, other than the rivalry bit, to pick the Wolverines for
an upset. So why am I so nervous? Past history, man...I've been
diddled by Michigan State so often that I feel like I should be
buying them a ring. My pick? Spartans by 7 at home. I just hope
that Prilosec is on sale at the pharmacy this weekend.

USC at Arizona State
There is a sizeable cadre of football experts who believe that USC
will "not come through the Pac Ten slate unscathed". The Pac Ten,
the mighty Pac Ten. OK, the Pac Ten is like this... USC in
position one. Cal, UCLA, Arizona State and Oregon are in position
5. And everyone else is tied for last. People who are making noise
about ASU maybe upsetting the Trojans are just hoping out loud.
Hope springs eternal, right? Well, far be it from me to rain on
anyone's parade. Sure, we may someday find a trillion gallons of
oil under Switzerland, right? But, it ain't bloody likely. USC by
17.

Florida at Alabama
There is zero doubt in my mind that Florida is a better football
team than Alabama. They're faster. They're deeper. The have a
better quarterback and offense. Their defense is quicker. We know
they've got a more innovative coach. So, this is an easy pick. But
with a tip of my Prophet cap to my FSU brother Lee Corso, "not so
fast, my friend". Someone up in Tuscaloosa has started reading and
doing research on recent Crimson Tide football. It has been
determined and widely spoken of that Alabama is 0-5 against top ten
opponents at home in Bryant-Denny Stadium under Mike Shula. That's
the sort of little truth tidbit that will get under the collective
skins of Alabama's players and fans. Like a burr under the old
saddle, they'll let this little wound of truth rub and fester until
it really becomes a problem. And when it becomes a problem, it'll
be Urban Meyer's problem, perhaps his first big problem at Florida.
Walking into a pachyderm stampede is never a good idea, and the
Gators may find themselves supplying skins for a WalMart suitcase
factory up in northern Alabama before this tilt is done. In an
upset, Crimson Tide by 6.

OK, that's it for this week, folks. Let's see if we can have
another good week on the football field AND at the weather
bureau. :)