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THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© 2005 P.Chamlis/
The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved

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Well, I'm a bit late in writing Prophet this week, folks. You see,
I have a terrible cold. I'm usually not a medicine guy, but I
finally went to my local supermarket and bought some OTC cold
medication. And, seeing as how I bought two different formulae,
both of which contain pseudoephedrine, I was followed home and
searched by half of the Tallahassee Police Department. What the
hell IS crystal meth, anyway?

Oh well, I may not be able to turn a profit with cold capsules, but
hopefully I can turn out another acceptable and fun issue of Prophet
for you, my loyal subjects.

As for the picking record so far, I have 34 correct out of 43 picks,
which equals 79%.

One last little note, especially for that guy who called
me "Godless" last week. YOU, sir, are mistaken. I KNOW that God
exists. What world without divine guidance could have the holy
combination of high definition television and Saturday night ESPN?
Praise the Lord and pass the satellite clicker.

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Thursday, September 15
Utah at TCU
When the Utes travel to Fort Worth this Thursday evening, who really
knows who'll be waiting on the opposite sideline? Will it be the
hardscrabble TCU bunch that stunned Oklahoma on opening day? Or,
will it be the large sack of dead frogs left on the doorstep during
last Week's to SMU? OK, I'm not sure. But, I'm of the opinion that
Utah can beat EITHER team. It'll either be Utah by 2 over the good
TCU or Utah by 14 over the bad TCU. Figure THAT one out, gambler
friends.

Friday, September 16
Houston at UTEP
I have to admit that I'm cheered by Mike Price's success at El
Paso. Sure, sure, we all piled on Mike after his little strip bar
escapade got him fired from Alabama a couple of years ago. But,
he's not the first guy who ever got drunk and hung out with
hookers. However, he IS the first guy who's made the UTEP Miners
any kind of football team in quite a while. Sending the Houston
fans screaming to the Juarez bars, let's call this one UTEP by 10.

Saturday, September 17
Oregon State at Louisville
Over the last few years, Louisville has quietly built their football
program into one of the nation's best. It used to be that the
Cardinals were one of those teams who'd sneak up on an unsuspecting
biggie, springing a cataclysmic upset. The challenge in L'ullville
now is to adjust to favorite status. The Birds move from hunter to
hunted. And, they'll find that the role can be most uncomfortable
at times. I don't see the Beaver battalion providing any rest for
UL on Saturday, and the fans won't get their expected weekly
blowout. The Cardinal crowd should be happy with "just a" win,
which they'll get...barely. Louisville by 3.

Virginia at Syracuse
Both Virginia and Syracuse have found themselves in similar
conference situations over the past few years. They've been good
teams, certainly among the better in the ACC and Big East. BUT,
they just haven't found themselves settling in AT the top. Fans in
Charlottesville and Syracuse are ready to take the next step.
Making said move would SEEM to be easier for the Orangemen, as their
conference has, at least in my opinion, become weaker in the last
couple of years. Virginia, on the other hand, now has three or four
more hurdles to cross on their way to the top of the ACC. But
speaking of steps, let's say that while Syracuse considers their
next Big East step(s), Virginia will be stepping ON the Orangemen
this Saturday. Call it Wahoos by 6.

West Virginia at Maryland
It's hillbilly invasion time on Saturday as the Mountaineers from
Morganton invade College Park. I thought about making my
usual "squeal like a pig" jokes regarding rotund Terp Coach Ralph
Friedgen. But, damn...even the WVU folks have some standards.
Ralph. Ralph. Ralph. The only thing you need more than consistent
offensive play is a date with Jenny Craig. Mountaineers by 6.

San Diego State at Ohio State
You just HAVE to figure the Buckeyes of OSU for a huge let-down this
Saturday. The scarlet and gray played their hearts out in a tough
loss last weekend to Texas. San Diego State, while offering the
chance for blow-out redemption, just doesn't seem to merit getting
all worked up over. So, look for Ohio State to return to victory
lane with a sloppy and uninspired 17 point win.

Michigan State at Notre Dame
OK, OK. I'm beginning to believe I've underestimated the Irish.
Opening wins over Pittsburgh and Michigan on the road indicate the
Domers might be a little better than mediocre. But, what annoys the
hell out of me is all the gushing and hyperventilation out of the
national sports media over ND's 2005 success. So, Charlie Weis is
the first NEW ND coach since Knute Rockne to go 2-0 in his first
season, with both games coming on the road. Well SO WHAT. Just for
the record, how many NEW ND coaches have even opened up with their
first two games on the road? Charlie's done well, but folks need to
stay focused in South Bend. An upset loss on Saturday will make
Charlie look a lot more like Gerry Faust that the Gipper. But no
worries...I'm sold on the Irish, at least for this Saturday. Notre
Dame by 7.

Miami at Clemson
The Hurricanes and Tigers have both had 2005 seasons defined by last
minute success or failure. In Clemson's case, two closing drives
have resulted in a quick 2-0 start on the new campaign. Miami,
OTOH, wrote a new chapter in how NOT to play special teams, losing
their Labor Day tilt at Florida State. So, I look for both coaches
in this game to focus on getting things right EARLY. Clemson is
playing with a lot of confidence, and the crowds at Death Valley can
be muy intimidating. However, the Tigers have two major stones
around their neck on Saturday evening. First of all, there's the
little matter of their upset OT win AT Miami last year. The `Canes
have a long memory and a penchant for exacting revenge. And second,
there's the matter of the CU coach having the surname Bowden. Since
Clemson boss Tommy Bowden is the son of FSU head guy Bobby, Clemson
finds themselves with a bit of a Jesus complex this Saturday as they
pay for someone else's sins. Miami by 10.

Oklahoma at UCLA
I was shocked to learn that OU...mighty Oklahoma...will be the
underdog in this contest. In a season that Bob Stoopes hoped would
have two stops in Pasadena, the Sooner offense has been AWOL. Star
OU running back Adrian Peterson has been the only bright spot on the
offensive side of the Sooner line, and he's in trouble back in
Norman for skipping class. It seems that he's been suspended from a
few practice sessions. And, I'll bet he won't START in Saturday's
contest. But unless Adrian actually kills someone between now and
kickoff, I'd expect to see his smiling face in the backfield by play
number two. Now, as I move on to picking this game, let me say
this... Oklahoma may be the underdog, but UCLA's entire history
smacks of underdogism. The Bruins wrote the book on playing second
fiddle. They'll fiddle around again on Saturday, letting the chance
for a big upset fade into the California fog. Oklahoma, in an upset
(ha ha), by 3.

Pittsburgh at Nebraska
This contest features two of America's least-loved head coaches.
Bill Callahan of Nebraska, architect of last year's 60 point loss at
Texas Tech, has continued to put his lackluster Huskers through
their paces into 2005. Unimpressive wins over Wake Forest and Maine
are hardly the stuff to return Big Red to glory anytime soon. And
over at Pittsburgh, Panther savior Dave Wannstedt has lost two games
that fans truly expected him to win. Doesn't it seem like ages ago
that Pitt was a highly-rated football team? It was two weeks ago,
folks. When THIS game appeared on the schedule, both fan legions
figured it to be a big contest. I'll be that Coach Dave and Coach
Bill had NO idea HOW big it was going to be. When the final whistle
sounds, NU will stay unbeaten with a 14 point win. And, Dave
Wannstedt will be 0-3 and headed back to see the happy people in the
Steel City. But, like they say in those stupid Geico
commercials...there's some good news. Pitt's still undefeated in
conference play. I'm sure that'll soothe the folks in Pittsburgh.

Alabama at South Carolina
Well, last Saturday the "old ball coach" showed that he can still
inspire and coach a college football team. The Gamecocks battled
heavily-favored Georgia all evening, finally succumbing by the
slimmest of margins. Let me set the scene for this Saturday's
game. Alabama has slightly better athletes and a bit more depth.
South Carolina counters with a rabid home crowd and a determined and
hungry group of starters. That brings us to coaching. Mike Shula
versus Steve Spurrier. I know a lot of Alabama fans who feel a
little bit sick when they read that sentence. South Carolina by 6.

Illinois at California
OK, I kind of blew it last week, folks. One of my better picks was
for Cal to be upset AT Washington. I knew that (one of) Cal's
quarterbacks had broken his leg in the opener, and I attempted to
parlay that knowledge into a sneaky pick. But, what I failed to
realize was that Cal's BEST quarterback was as healthy as a horse.
San Rafael native Joseph Ayoob cut the Huskies to ribbons, and could
be poised to do the same to the visiting Illini this Saturday. Now,
I realize that Joseph's fellow Marin County residents are among the
most liberal in the nation. The appearance, in the Bay Area, of the
Fighting Illini, is bound to bring out the nutso anti-native-
American-defamation fringe to protest. But, the truth is that the
only group of people abusing Indians in Berkeley this Saturday will
be the hometown Bears. Cal by 10.

Fresno State at Oregon
A lot of the Fresneck State fans are terribly excited about the
opportunity coming later in their year. Top-ranked USC will be
lining up against the Bulldogs mid-season, in a game that some feel
might be the Trojans' biggest challenge. We'll drink and think
about all of that later. But, I'd like to point out that USC is not
the only PAC-10 team risking a round with FSU West. Something tells
me that, noisy Oregon fans or not, Fresno State will bag themselves
a few Ducks this Saturday. In an upset, call it Fresneck State by 4.

Wisconsin at North Carolina
The Badgers from Dairyland have gone through their first two
opponents like a hot knife through Wisconsin butter. And since this
weekend's opponent (North Carolina) does appear to have a little
more ability to stand up to Wisconsin's kitchen heat, the early
season recipe for blowouts might have to be amended. Let's call
this one as another Wisconsin win, but it'll be a milder variety.
Badgers by 12.

New Mexico State at New Mexico
I normally would have passed on picking this game. But a friend has
asked me to pick more contests that involve WAC, Mountain West and
Pac Ten games. So, I'll just make a simple pick and statement...
New Mexico's Lobos will howl Saturday with a 12 point home victory.
And as for the statement... New Mexico is a beautiful state. I
love visiting but could never live anywhere that it's so damned
hot. (...said the man who lives in a place where it's 91 degrees
and 91% humidity at sunset...)

Arkansas at USC
A lot of people think that top-rated USC's trip to Hawaii two weeks
ago was just fun and games. But, that's where you're ALL wrong.
Pom Pom Pete Carroll is as much a teacher as he is a coach. He's a
football professor who carefully researches all aspects of the
game. He took the opportunity, on his island visit of a fortnight
ago, to dig up some new techniques for roasting pigs. Hawaii may
not be much of a football state, but they sure know how to tenderize
pork in a hurry. Look for the Trojans to throw an LA luau when the
Arkansas Razorbacks snort onto the Coliseum menu. Southern Cal by
16.

Florida State at Boston College
A lot of people around Tallahassee are making a big deal out of the
Boston College team bulk. It seems as though the Eagle's O-Line
outweighs the Seminole front four by an average of 35 pounds a
man. Nervous FSU people are taking faith in the old "David and
Goliath" story, looking for their boys to stand up to the Yankee
giants. But, the fact is that FSU is no David. The biblical
pugilist had WAY more offensive firepower than the Seminoles. But
all is not lost for my good guys. :) Speed kills. Boston College
will find that they can't squash what they can't catch. And on
Saturday, BC won't squash FSU enough times to catch a win in their
first ACC contest. In an upset, Florida State by 6.

Tennessee at Florida
"He ain't from around here, is he?" That's something you'll hear
southerners say, when they detect that an unknown person is from
somewhere beyond old Dixie. Well, Florida coach Urban Meyer said,
in advance of this week's Tennessee game, "it's a big game, but it's
not a defining moment." Urban, Urban, Urbie... Oh son, you got it
ALL wrong. This ain't Utah, boy. When was the last time you ever
heard of the Mountain West Conference reassigning a referee from a
game because of DEATH threats? When you'd occasionally lose a game
at Bowling Green or Utah, people'd say "oh well" and just move on.
It ain't that way down here. Folks in Gainesville give a rip about
the Tennessee game, Urban. As for Saturday, Coach Meyer will
unknowingly escape his quoted faux pas, as his Gators dig out a 5
point home victory. But Urban...there ARE a few teams on that UF
schedule that are defining moments, sir. Every damned season. You
ain't from around here, are you?

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See you all next week !