< < ============================================ > >

THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
Fool's Paradise for Internet College Football Fans

© 2005 P.Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh,
All Rights Reserved

< < ============================================ > >

OK, I'm off to a pretty good start. In week one, Prophet went 19/24
(79%) My official crap-listed teams for last week are (a) Wake
Forest and (b) Rutgers. Both teams stormed from ahead to lose last-
minute heartbreakers to opponents of questionable merit. Nice work,
bozos. :) A bonus award goes to Pittsburgh for their impression
of the French Army during the Notre Dame visit. Also, we can't go
without a tip of the cap to the Miami special teams...outstanding
work on those field goals, men. And Devin Hester just might be the
best punt returner in college football. If he'll ever actually
catch the ball, maybe we can see for sure. <vbg>

OK, let's work on this week's games...

Thursday, September 8
Oklahoma State at Florida Atlantic
OSU figured an early trip to Florida would get their season off to
an enjoyable and successful start. But, they must not have a school
of meteorology at Okie State University. Read my lips, guys...
September is the middle of HURRICANE season in Florida. Oklahoma
State, meet Ophelia, presently a tropical storm hanging right off
Florida's Atlantic coast. Have you ever seen a cowboy with a golf
umbrella? Oklahoma State by 12.

Friday, September 9
Pittsburgh at Ohio
Well, the people of Pittsburgh learned something last Saturday night
that NFL fans in both Miami and Chicago already know. Dave
Wannstedt is no great catch as a head coach. His clearly-superior-
on-paper Panthers were neutered in a hurry by the much-more-clever
Charlie Weis and his Fighting Irish. This week brings the first
roadie for Pitt in 2005, and they find themselves lined up against a
coach whose ability has also been questioned in the past. Now,
you'd figure that if Frank Solich couldn't win consistently at
Nebraska, he'd be hard-pressed to "get `er done" at Ohio U. The
Boobcats are clearly overmatched, personnel-wise, in this Friday
night tilt. But if anyone can underachieve enough to make this
close, it's Dave Wannstedt. Panthers by 7.

Saturday, September 10
Mississippi State at Auburn
Last weekend, Auburn had virtually NO OFFENSE in their loss to
Georgia Tech. And over in Starkville, Mississippi State had
essentially NO OPPONENT as they gobbled up Murray State. Those
situations are going to reverse this Saturday. Auburn by 14.

San Jose State at Illinois
Well well well. It looks like the Zookerman has started a mania up
at Illinois. Early in last week's fourth quarter, Rappin' Ron
looked headed to an embarrassing defeat to Rutgers, in front of the
home folks no less. And then, it's as if someone discovered one
last can of whupass left over from Zook's days down at UF, and
BAM... down goes Rutgers. The stakes are higher this week in
Champaign, and it's not because the visiting Spartans have anything
more on the ball than last week's foe. You see, expectations have
been raised at Illinois, based on last week's fourth quarter
flurry. If the Illini choose smoke the peace pipe instead of doing
a war dance (deliberate Indian reference done entirely to thumb my
nose at the NCAA morons...), things could get ugly in week two. Put
simply, the home crowd is in a winning mood, and Illinois isn't yet
a winning team. Factor in San Jose having a veteran and talented
coach (Dick Tomey) and you could have trouble. Thank God most of
SJSU's players were second-stringers in high school. And on top of
that, most of them come from a state and city where pep bands have
string sections. :) In a close one, call it Illinois by 7.

Kansas State at Marshall
I received my usual boatload of hate mail from the K-State fans last
week, when I failed to make a pick in the `Cats opener. So I know
I'm in for the hairball treatment when they read THIS pick. A lot
of people believe that Marshall, under the direction of first-year
coach Mark Snyder, is in a rebuilding phase. And, I'll agree to
some extent with that statement. However, KSU is in a similar mode
themselves, and last weekend's opening cat nap against Florida
International did little to convince me that things will go well for
the Wildcats in West Virginia on Saturday. One thing is certain,
and you can bet your homes on it, my Propheteers. The winning head
coach will be named Snyder. :) In an upset, let's say it's MARK
over BILL... Thundering Herd by 3.

Virginia Tech at Duke
ACC re-alignment hasn't been a box of chocolates for Duke. Sure,
the Devils have escaped into the Coastal Division, opposite constant
tormentor Florida State. But, they've traded one colossus for two,
namely Virginia Tech and Miami. And to make matters worse,
their "crossover" opponent in divisional play is, you guessed it,
FSU. All of those brainy scientists in Durham must have been busy
doing research during ACC scheduling sessions, because the Blue
Devil slate looks like it was concocted by the school janitor. Duke
resumes their role as ACC punching bag as the Hokies from Virginia
Tech come a'callin'. VT by 28.

Clemson at Maryland
Both Clemson and Maryland secured opening day non-conference wins,
casting the "new" ACC in a glowing light. However, nobody can
accuse either club of rushing to a decision. Both the Terps' win at
Navy and Clemson's upset of Texas A&M (how about that Prophet???)
occurred at the very end of their respective games. Now, beating
Navy at the last second versus beating the Aggies as time runs out
are two different things, which would suggest that Clemson is a
better team. However, the trip up to College Park just might even
things up a bit. If ever a game had overtime written all over it,
this would be it. But, let's call this one a regulation win for
Tommy's Tigers. Clemson by 3.

Tulsa at Oklahoma
Did you hear some of the talk radio shows last weekend after OU lost
to TCU? I felt like we should start sending donations to a Norman
disaster fund. Panic doesn't even begin to describe the Sooner
mood. And if Stoopes' Troops lose to Tulsa this Saturday, the drug
companies can't make enough Prozac to keep civil peace in Norman
come Saturday night. No worries, look for OU to bounce back with a
solid win. Sooners by 16.

Army at Boston College
BC is playing the "straight arrow" portion of their schedule. Last
weekend, they flew out to Provo, Utah to hook up with BYU, a team
and school that traditionally tops the nerd charts. And on this
Saturday, here comes Army...a school that frowns on cheating,
dishonor and stuff like that. The Eagles may feel as if they're in
some sort of 1940s time warp. But, they'd best enjoy the civility
as Florida State comes to Beantown NEXT Saturday. I am ashamed to
admit that my Noles definitely have a few players who know their
proper handcuff size. Sigh. But on this weekend, look for BC to
do what the Republican Guard couldn't, namely run over the US Army.
Boston College by 17.

Iowa at Iowa State
Iowa certainly opened their 2005 campaign with a bang, playing a
complete football game in only 30 minutes. Leading 49-0 at
halftime, Hawkeye Coach Kirk Ferentz mercifully called off the
charge against overmatched and undermanned Ball State. (For those
of you who do not know, BSU had actually suspended some 11 players
prior to the game, many of whom were starters) This weekend, Iowa
State, sporting a complete roster, welcomes Iowa into Ames. But
although the Cyclones are all present and accounted for, it's not
going to be enough. Iowa appears to be the real deal and will show
it as they claim the Iowa state championship on Saturday. Hawkeyes
by 16.

California at Washington
It looks like new Washington coach Ty Willingham has learned his
lesson. In his last job at Notre Dame, he got himself into trouble
by getting alumni expectations too high too quickly. An early 8-0
run in South Bend was followed by a more realistic series of games
that actually included some losses, leading to Ty's termination.
Now that he's the Head Husky, Ty has figured it out. An opening
loss to Air Force has put the leash on any crazy thoughts about BCS
Bowls for UW. But, while expectations have been tempered,
Willingham knows better than to crush alumni dreams. So, me thinks
it might be about time to get the dogs barking again at Washington.
I figure that Coach is good for one big Pac Ten surprise this year.
I figure that Washington is NEVER going to be USC this year, so
lifting their collective legs on Cal would be the next-best thing.
In an upset, Washington by 1.

North Carolina at Georgia Tech
I knew Tech had a pretty decent team, but I just didn't see them
overcoming Auburn on the Plains last weekend. But Chan's
Yellowjackets showed me something. And this Saturday, they're gonna
show it to John Bunting and his UNC TarHeels. And FWIW, NC has seen
all of this before. Am I the only person in the world of college
football who is surprised that JB is still head coach in Chapel
Hill? They must have blown all their coaching money getting Roy
Williams for the basketball team. Georgia Tech by 12.

South Carolina at Georgia
OK, the loathsome Steve Spurrier is back in college football. But,
it's not the same, right? The evil genius isn't coaching the
onerous Florida Gators anymore. He's heading up the chicken coop
over in Columbia. So, do you reckon that makes any difference to
the folks at Georgia, or to Bulldog Coach Mark Richt? Me neither.
Look for D. J. Shockley and company to roger the Birds without
mercy. It's visor-slinging time again, y'all. Georgia by 21.

Louisiana Tech at Florida
I think I already dislike Urban Meyer. He seems to be one of those
persnickety and grating perfectionist guys who is never happy with
anything. After Chris Leak had a pretty decent game last weekend,
breaking Steve Spurrier's 40-year old consecutive completion record
in the process, Coach U said (QUOTE) "Chris Leak has a long way to
go". So, apparently setting records and beating a fairly decent
team by 20+ points is a "Sub-Urban" performance for Mr. Meyer.
Let's hope that the folks in Gainesville bring lots of money for the
hurricane relief buckets being carried outside of Florida Field on
Saturday. Something tells me that the charity will be the only
kindness the visiting Louisianans find in Gainesville on Saturday.
UF by 28.

Stanford at Navy
The Middies led Maryland for 57 minutes of a 60-minute football game
last weekend, only to stumble at the very end. And while the Terps'
escape may have been somewhat frustrating to Navy, this Saturday
offers hope for redemption. Stanford is coming from three time
zones away, so I'd expect Navy'll have a little extra time to avoid
a last minute collapse this week. Look for the Middies to weigh
anchor on the visiting Cardinal, Navy by 4.

The Citadel at Florida State
In a game that some say has blowout written all over it, I offer a
few disconcerting thoughts...to Seminole fans anyway. First, the
Citadel has a new coach and this is his opening game. His offensive
history involves the dark side of college football, which is my way
of saying he's an "option man". There's nothing more annoying that
preparing your defense for one "option" attack per year. And,
there's nothing like trying to play defense against an option team
when your "D" is unmotivated or perhaps "taking the night off". I
have no reason to expect the worst, but nobody would be surprised if
the FSU defense kind of took a lighter attitude between big contests
against Miami and Boston College. And last and most important is
the Jeff Bowden factor. Let's just say that breaking down film of
the FSU offense shouldn't take much time. But, an upset just isn't
in the cards. Let's call it a very sloppy 20 point win for the
Seminoles.

Wake Forest at Nebraska
I took a pot shot at Nebraska's opponent last weekend, laughing at
the Maine Black Bears' being on the NU slate. But as it turns out,
Callahan Ball didn't exactly batter the Bears to the degree than
anyone expected. So the really bad news for the Lincoln crowd is
that their beloved Cornhuskers struggled mightily to win their
opener, and will be following it in game two by playing a much
better team. The good news is that better or not, the team is only
Wake Forest. They lost to Vanderbilt at home last weekend. My God,
if you can't beat Vanderbilt at home, what hope do you have of
beating Nebraska in Lincoln, regardless of how long it's been since
Tom Osborne was their coach? Nebraska by 14.

Southern Miss at Alabama
Due to the effects and devastation from Hurricane Katrina, Southern
Mississippi did not play their opening game last Saturday. And,
after watching Alabama's sluggish win over Middle Tennessee, it
appears that the Tide didn't play much of THEIR opener, either.
Coach Mike Shula doesn't have flood waters rising in his backyard,
or neighbors toting shotguns to the Quickie Mart near his home. But
all the same, Mike is in danger, sitting clearly on a hot seat in
Tuscaloosa. Things need to look much, much better in 2005 or Mike's
dad (fabled Coach Don Shula) may be seeing more of his grandkids
next year. Look for the Eagles to lose another close battle with a
rising Tide, Alabama by 3.

Arizona State at LSU
Oops, I should say LSU at Arizona State
OK, this was to be a home game for LSU. But unless you've been in a
coma for two weeks, you know all about Hurricane Katrina. The
scourge of the south has caused this game to be moved out TO Tempe,
home of Arizona State University. It's been very touching to see
how most of America has opened their hearts to evacuees from the
deep south. But on Saturday, the folks in Arizona are going to
realize that they've made a poor choice in which 85 coon-ass boys
they've taken off the streets. Taking a little post-hurricane pain
way out west, call this one LSU by 10.

TCU at SMU
I would call this annual tussle "the battle for Dallas". But, since
TCU is located over in Tarrant County (Fort Worth), "the battle for
the Metroplex" would be a better nickname. As besides, when anyone
says "battle for Dallas", we all assume that it's Mercedes versus
BMW. The Frogs make it two for two on the 2005 season, call it TCU
by 10.

Notre Dame at Michigan
The magic is back. The Irish, led by whiz-bang coach Charlie Weis,
went into Pittsburgh last weekend and smashed the favored and
apparently over-rated Panthers in grand style. The Domer battalion
was instantly energized, lending immediate credence to the old "wake
up the echoes" line. Is Coach Charlie about to make the same
mistake as Ty Willingham? Will he win too many, too soon, only to
be an ultimate bust in South Bend? The Irish fans can rest easy, at
least as I see it. Charlie Weis is a professional and proven
tactician. He's no Ty Willingham. He's going to restore Notre Dame
to the elite of college football in relatively short order. But,
he's not leaving Ann Arbor undefeated this year. Taking a little
spoonful of reality, let's call this one Michigan by 6.

Texas at Ohio State
Man alive, what a great game just two weeks into the season. This
one truly has national title implications, as Mack Brown and his
Texas Longhorns stampede north into Columbus to play the Buckeyes.
UT faithful have to be a little annoyed with the schedule at this
point. They've finally gotten into a year when Oklahoma looks
beatable, and here comes this nasty non-conference hurdle to jump.
But, I say "no matter" as I really believe that Vince Young and
company have already shown what they're capable of doing to the Big
Ten's best, as evidenced by last year's magnificent Rose Bowl.
Playing at home will help OSU keep it close. But, when Texas
says "Goodbye, Columbus", they'll be smiling. Forever Young, as in
Vince Young... Longhorns by 3.

< < ============================================ > >

OK, Propheteers, that's it for week two. Thanks again for all the
supportive mail. I can't believe we're into week two without any
death threats.

One other little bit of business... we have to announce the
Prophet's Person of the Year, based on your votes. After you
carefully considered the evidence I placed in this year's Birthday
Greeting, your runaway choice for a winner was French President
Jacque Chirac.

C'est la vie, Jacque. And congratulations from the Prophet!