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THE PROPHET SPEAKETH
College Football's's Place for Foolishness on the Internet
© 2004 P. Chamlis/The Prophet Speaketh, All Rights Reserved
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Another pothole on the information superhighway,
conveniently located at
http://workmanpoll.cnchost.com/prophet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theprophetspeaks

THE PROPHET'S RECORD FOR THE 2004 SEASON\

....let's just say it's getting worse. :^/

OK, folks. I'll go along with ESPN in denoting the next seven days
as "Capital One Bowl Week". I suppose it's appropriate that a
company that prides itself on charging little or no interest would
claim propriety over a slew of basically meaningless games. How's
that for truth in advertising?

OK, let's go miss some more games....

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Monday, December 27
The MPC Computers Bowl
Virginia vs Fresno State
At one point this year, the Cavs of Virginia seemed destined for the
BCS, maybe even the Orange Bowl. And then suddenly, they became
beatable. And to tell you the truth, I can't really figure out what
went wrong. Maybe they can fire up one of the MPC sponsor's
computers to analyze all of the data. Something tells me that if
they wait until the end of this contest, there'll be a few more
troubling files to add to the job. Losing to an FSU for the second
time this year, Virginia gets bit by the Valley Bulldogs. FSU-West
by 4.

The Motor City Bowl
Toledo vs Connecticut
Only a couple of years ago, UConn was playing 1-AA football. And
Toledo? They were just another team playing in the largely ignored
Mid-America conference. Now here we are with the Rockets and Huskies
hooking up in Motown's Motor City Bowl. I will submit the obligatory
congratulation(s) to both programs, but with one little caveat.
There are 28 bowl games, and unless Vince McMahon and his wrestling
goons start sponsoring one, each contest can only have two
participants. Therefore, it stands that 56 teams CAN play in a bowl
game this year. Now as we all realize, the NCAA has very strict
standards, and a team must become "bowl eligible", logging six wins
against breathing competition. This year, 57 teams became bowl
eligible, which means ONLY one team that could go to a bowl game
didn't. (You gotta wonder what Akron did to piss everybody off,
huh?) So in truth, it would have been almost impossible for either
team to NOT play in a bowl game. It's just one more exhibit in
the "there are too damned many bowl games" soliloquy. As for this
contest, the basketball-savvy Huskies will enjoy their first little
foxtrot in football's "big dance" season, after so many years of
hoops March Madness. One difference for football is this....in bowl
games, there is actually no tomorrow for either team, win or lose.
In the basketball playoffs, it's win or go home. In bowl games, it's
win AND go home, which is exactly what the MAC Daddies will do. Holy
Toledo, let's call it Rockets by 3.


Tuesday, December 28
The Independence Bowl
Miami(OH) vs Iowa State
All Iowa State had to do in order to appear in the Big XII title game
was to defeat (at home) a Missouri club that had absolutely NOTHING
for which to play. But somehow the Cyclones choked it away and ended
up out of the title picture. But then again, it's beginning to make
sense for me. HAD Iowa State played OU for the conference title,
they would have undoubtably been rogered good and proper. Chances
are good that they'd have found themselves in, say.... the
Independence Bowl playing Miami of Ohio. In retrospect, it seems
that the smart guys in Ames found a way to have an extra week's rest
and relaxation, and all they had to do was avoid winning the Big XII
North. Seems like a payable price, I guess. Speaking paying the
price, look for no discounts on the price ISU might be paying Tuesday
night down in shivering Shreveport. Miami of Ohio's Redhawks are no
post-holiday bargain, and will provide more excitement than
the `Clone fans expect. Miami by 5.

The Insight Bowl
Notre Dame vs Oregon State
Insight is the buzzword for this one, folks. I need some insight as
to why Notre Dame was so quick to terminate the Ty Willingham era?
OK, I get it...he committed the unpardonable sin, namely he won too
quickly. His early success at South Bend convinced the faithful that
ND was really a national power and had only been held back by Bob
Davies' failings as a coach. Now, the truth is that Ty and company
over-achieved to the max in 2002. So the lesson to all newly-hired
coaches is this : go with your younger kids, and get your butt kicked
in year one. THEN when things begin to improve, you'll get your four
or five year opportunity. If Ty's Washington Huskies (notice how
quickly this supposedly rotten coach was hired by someone else?) get
off to a quick start in 2005, they'll have to put the good coach in a
psyche ward. :) It is my understanding that Willingham is NOT
coaching the Irish in this bowl game, which is fine enough. Ty will
get an opportunity to deal with Mike Riley and the Beavers next
fall. As for this closer, look for the Pac Ten rats to chew another
chunk out of a disappointing year for mighty Notre Dame. But then
again, help IS on the way at South Bend. Their new head man can hop
right on that recruiting trail right after the Super Bowl is over.
Oregon State by 7.

Wednesday, December 29
The Houston Bowl
Colorado vs UTEP
This game seems to a good place for some sensitivity counseling,
especially with regard to attitudes toward women. (Do I sound like a
chickboy?) UTEP Coach Mike "Dollar Bill" Price's run-in with
Pensacola strippers/hookers is well-documented, as are the numerous
allegations of recruiting party horrors inflicted upon females at
Colorado. I have a feeling that the CU Buffs are a little further
along in their struggles to repent, based on what happened to them in
the Big XII title game. Let's just say they know how it feels to be
treated like an object. So look for them to share the knowledge with
UTEP's Miners. Buffaloes by 10.

The Alamo Bowl
Oklahoma State vs Ohio State
Never have I been any more sure of my pick in ANY game. Although I'm
not certain of the point spread, I guarantee that OSU will come out
on top. However, the tough part will be in saying WHICH OSU
remembers THIS Alamo (Bowl) fondly. Let's go with the ones wearing
the orange cowboy hats. Okie State by 2.


Thursday, December 30
The Continental Tire Bowl
Boston College vs North Carolina
Every time I do this bowl game, I revert to TIREd old jokes at the
expense of the game's corporate sponsor, Continental Tires. Most of
them are RETREADS, and those of you who've read Prophet for more than
a year could easily identify it as "going in circles" for the sake of
humor. Isn't this column supposed to be about picking winners in
college football games? Aren't I trying to BALANCE humor and
information? There's more to my picks than how I simply choose to
SPIN them, right? I thought so. OK, Boston College or North
Carolina? It's time to make a pick because in just a few days, the
old RUBBER hits the ROAD up in Charlotte. The home crowd will be
behind the Tar Heels, so if Carolina Blue can just put the BRAKES on
the BC attack, up-and-down Coach John Bunting won't be stuck with
another unfriendly press conference. Now, I'm not about to give you
any kind of LIMITED WARRANTY or GUARANTEE, but I believe the Heels
can ROLL one more time into VICTORY LANE before we LET THE AIR OUT of
2004. North Carolina wins the Continental Tire Bowl, but it won't be
no BLOWOUT. And yes, I'm done. Ouch.

The Emerald Bowl
New Mexico vs Navy
Isn't this bowl game being sponsored by that almond company, the guys
who produce Emerald Nuts? I guess they didn't want to call it
the "Nut Bowl" or the "Emerald Nuts Bowl". Then again, with the game
being played in within shouting distance of Castro Street, "Nuts
Bowl" could have worked. Speaking of nuts, what Rhodes Scholars
decided that pairing up natural rivals such as New Mexico and Navy
out in San Francisco would have any kind of appeal to the general
sporting fan? The Nut(s) Bowl committee had better hope the fleet is
in for the holidays, or things might be mighty lonely in the stands
at this game. (A few thousand sailors in the stadium might spark a
little extra local interest, if you know what I mean...) But in
reality, this game has about as good a chance of being successfully
marketed in the Bay Area as a Bush for President rally. Speaking
of "W", let's just say that the "W"olves (as in Lobos) will get
the "W" in this inaugural Nut(s) Bowl. New Mexico by 3. (Whaddaya
think, Unavailable Dave??)

The Holiday Bowl
Texas Tech vs California
The Cal Bears had planned on spending the post-season playing
football in southern California. The problem is that they're playing
two days sooner and 250 miles further south than they'd hoped. It's
not that UC failed in any way to deserve a stop at the Rose Bowl.
It's more a case of failed drama as the Bears didn't put on a tear-
jerking enough performance to match Mack "Chick Flick" Brown when he
whined and moaned his Texas Longhorns into the BCS top-four. The
resulting atrocity leaves California playing in the second-tier
Holiday Bowl, with a first-rate pissed off attitude. Now, playing
ANY team from the state of Texas might provide the Berkeley Boys the
opportunity to make a statement to the nation AND the Lone Star
State. However, one must not forget that the Red Raiders of Tech are
a dangerous and explosive football team. These guys are not to be
screwed around with, and a slow start when playing Texas Tech can be
fatal. California IS, in my opinion, a top-level college team this
year, and they are probably deserving of a BCS trip. But, they'd
best plan on, as Bruce Springsteen would sing, "proving it all
night". If they don't and somehow find themselves on the short side
of (one of) Tech's patented 65-62 victories, Cal will find themselves
in this position again someday, namely out-whined in the media and
out-shined in the polls. Cal by 6.

The Silicon Valley Classic
Troy vs Northern Illinois
I'd heard there was a crisis in the silicon chip industry, but I
didn't realize that it'd gotten THIS bad. Troy versus Northern
Illinois, playing out in the Silicon Valley??? It doesn't take much
of a processor to see where this is leading. I see more empty seats
than a Commodore 64 users' convention. Trojans by 3.


Friday, December 31
The Music City Bowl
Alabama vs Minnesota
In this, his second season in Tuscaloosa, it's coming close to time
for Coach Mike Shula to face the old alumni music. Mikey's time is
shorter than he'd imagine, especially with Auburn waltzing into New
Orleans undefeated and probably deserving a share of the national
title. OK, I'll stop with the dance references, because those of you
who matter know I'm not a very good dancer. Back to music....Alabama
and her fans are not prepared to play second fiddle to state-rival
Auburn for long. It is expected for the Tide to win, and to win
big. Now back to talk of music and fiddles. (For you Californians
reading my newsletter, a fiddle is kind of the same thing as a
violin, only it's used to play music that you can dance to).
Alabama's Crimson Tide has again found themselves invited to
Nashville's Music City Bowl. Their opponents, the Golden Gophers of
Minnesota, are coming down south, hoping themselves to have another
OPRYtunity to close the season on a high note. It's hard to say
who's going to call the winnin' square dance Friday night. The
Gophers are a running team, and Bama is hell on a rushing attack.
(Just ask undefeated Auburn...) Minnesota's defense isn't that solid,
but they'll get the night off when they face the Tide's vanilla
attack. So in calling this game, it's really "name that tune". Look
for the Alabama fans to be the ones singing a victory tune while the
Gophers grind out the blues. Alabammy by 3.

The Sun Bowl
Arizona State vs Purdue
The participants in this year's Sun Bowl remind me of that old
Forrest Gump line about opening up a box of chocolates. With Purdue
and Arizona State, you never really knew what you'd get week in and
week out. Up and down doesn't begin to describe the Boilermaker and
Sun Devil fortunes in 2004. When two unpredictable squads such as
these hook up, a prognosticator has to rake up some seed of
consistency upon which to base a pick, and I believe I've found it.
It's Kyle Orton, the PU quarterback. When he played, the
Boilermakers were world-beaters. When he didn't they were just "PU",
shall we say. Seeing as how Kyle should suit up in El Paso, I think
he'll throw enough "el touchdown passos" to lasso a post-season win
for Joe Tiller and crew, unless of course Arizona State picks THIS
game to morph into a superteam again. Let's assume that they won't,
though. Purdue by 4.

The Liberty Bowl
Boise State vs Louisville
Only the Orange Bowl matches teams with better records than the
Liberty Bowl. And considering the offensive firepower of both BSU
and UL, this year's Memphis Classic could be one for the ages. For
the first time in a decade, I'm looking forward to the Liberty Bowl.
Louisville closes out their Conference-USA career in this game,
moving on next year to the supposedly-BCS worthy Big East. And
speaking of the BCS, if the Cardinals had somehow avoided the last
second folderoo down in Miami back in October, they'd perhaps be "the
Utah" for this year. Across the line, we find the Boise State
Broncos, who have NEVER lost a bowl game. NEVER. Gee, that seems
like a bit of a lock on picking a game, doesn't it? But then again,
BSU has never PLAYED a bowl game that wasn't held on their home
field....that horrid blue field up in Idaho. Something tells me that
this year's site and opponent might add up to the first bowl loss in
Bronco history. I see it being a high scoring contest, but not
necessarily THAT close. Louisville knocks out two of Boise State's
undefeated records on Friday night, as they hand the Broncos their
first (ever) bowl loss AND their first loss of 2004. Cardinals by 10.

The Peach Bowl
Miami vs Florida
Three years ago, Miami played in the Rose Bowl, winning a national
championship and routing Nebraska. Two years ago, the `Canes played
Ohio State in the Fiesta Bowl. Although heavy underdogs, OSU and
their flash in the pan freshman sensation and occasional class
attendee Maurice Clarett managed to prevail in a historic upset.
That gave Miami ONE loss for the year. One year ago, Miami fell
apart and lost two games late in the season, but managed to secure a
BCS spot in their hometown Orange Bowl Classic. It was their good
fortune to line up their favorite punching bags (Florida State) for
that game, which they won. THIS year, it's another step backwards
for the Hurricanes, as they finish the regular season with three
losses. This is especially galling considering that they were once
favored to line up against SOMEBODY in the Orange Bowl title game.
This year, there's not even a BCS nod. Larry Coker and his staff
seem puzzled, and are looking for answers. Unfortunately for the
coach, he doesn't have a semi-literate offensive coordinator and/or
son to blame, so the Hurricane flops have to be more closely
examined. Their Peach Bowl opponents are their OTHER cross-state
rivals, the Florida Gators. UF fired their coach mid-way through the
season, and then finished the year with a better record than last
season, including a first-time-in-years win over FSU in Tallahassee.
(That's something UF and UM seem to have in common, the ability to
stifle FSU's offense. Gotta love that Jeff Bowden. :) It's hard to
know which Gator team or attitude will show up in Atlanta. Coach Ron
Zook has moved on to Illinois, and the Gators will be led by
defensive coordinator Charlie Strong, and I have to truly wonder
about THAT choice. Isn't a porous defense the reason UF didn't win
the SEC-East this year? Oh well, other than pride, this game is one
the Gators are just looking to be done with, so that they can move
into their project of Urban renewal. :) So look for this rivalry to
show a little less fire than you'd expect, with Florida in a holding
pattern, so to speak. I see the Hurricanes winning this one a little
more easily than most expect, avoiding a fourth loss in 2004. And
FWIW, here's hoping that their "one more loss every year" pattern
continues into 2005. Miami by 9.

OK, folks.... have yourselves a great New Year's celebration. Stay
safe. I need you putzes alive for one more round of bowl picks after
this one. My next and final treatise for this season will be out in
a few days, and will pick the winners in the January bowl games. But
as always, I do plan to do this Prophet gig again next fall. Seems
like I'll be doing this forever, or more correctly forever and a day.

Happy New Year.