If you've been following my logs, you no doubt have picked up on the
fact that sometimes I have difficulty in Systema class. For me,
Systema isn't a series of movements but rather a feeling, a way of
thinking, or perhaps even a way of life. As always, words fail me
when describing the System. But I know that, from a personal
standpoint, the visible physical manifestation of Systema is only a
small, exterior part of the art, which for me has become the art of
living rather than the art of self-defense. I suppose that's why when
I train with tension or aggression, dislike for my classmates,
pessimism about my own progress, or the myriad other small ways that
interfere with learning, I feel a sense of discouragement that goes
beyond a mere lack of physical skill. I've accepted that I may not be
as athletic or co-ordinated as my classmates, but when I catch myself
being unkind, not being a good person, simply because my classmates
are giving me the same vibe, I become very dissappointed in myself. A
Systema-ist is a self-reliant person; no warrior can be effective so
long as the emotional or psychological state of the opponent has the
power to affect their own emotions and therefore, inevitably, their
actions.
Perhaps you have noticed the calm, distant look in your teacher's
eyes as you spar with him. The unfocused gaze is not merely a way of
using peripheral vision; it's also a reflection of the inner peace
that is characteristic of high-level practioners. Malice has no place
in Systema; even a life-threatening attack is nothing personal, but
merely another opportunity to better understand yourself.
Our Systema class is large, and of any group of 15-20 people, most of
us will dislike a few. It's no surprise that I don't like some of my
classmates; I don't like all of my coworkers, and in fact, I have to
admit that I even have some blood relatives whose company I do not
enjoy. But I try to begin each class afresh, and that's my tip for
anyone who also experiences troubles in class, whether it's with your
classmates, your teacher, or some internal conflict of you own. Do
not cling to the events of previous classes. Systema sometimes has a
profound effect on those who study it. Unpleasant classmates can
change, I've seen it happen. Or perhaps it is you or me who needs to
change. And of course, Systema class, like life, is dynamic. You
won't find the same set of circumstances the next time you return to
class. Be optimistic, have a fresh approach to each class; do not
hold a grudge, or become despondent because your last class did not
go smoothly, or you did not understand a particular exercise. As Jim
King told us "There's always another class."
*Vsego nailuchshego* (best wishes),
Rachel