10 Signs Your Dressage Test May Need Some Work

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1. Your horse's response to the canter aid is "Can't, er, what?"

2. Your twenty meter circle involved jumping the rail twice.

3. Your halt took place in the judge's lap, instead of at X.

4. Your thoroughbred interpreted elasticity to involve trying to kick
himself in the head with his back feet during the working canter.

5. Your horse entered the arena at A, and M, and H, and B...

6. Judge's comments include words like "unusual, dramatic, explosive,
and tragic"

7. Leg-yield involves your leg yielding before the horse does.

8. Free walk was interpreted by your Arab to involve prancing, rearing,
and bucking.

9. The judge asks you to take the broken letters with you when you
leave.

10. Voodoo dolls of your horse were found in the possession of the
shows' ground manager.

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You might be a Dressage Queen if...
-Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

-You’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over your GP mounts.

-You can’t school your horse without coordinating leg wraps, saddle
pad, browband, polo shirt, gloves, socks, hair bow, baseball cap and
eyeshadow.

-All your pre-nuptial agreements mention the horses first.

-The judge has to don sunglasses to cut the glare from your diamond
stud earrings.

-Your artificial fingernails keep wearing out the fingers of your
gloves.

-Your trainer sends his psychiatrist bills to you, and you pay them.

-Every piece of tack you own has a breed logo on it including the
Mercedes.

-You paid more for your horse trailer than your education.

-The cost of the brushes in your grooming box is more than your groom
earns a year.

-You think multi-cultural means owning more than one type of warmblood.