fter India’s 94 run win over Kenya, Azhar ran
into a journalist who asked him<br>the following
questions.<br>Azhar answered at the promise of secrecy by the
journalist.<br><br><br>Q1. How come we won today?<br>Ans. We won because if
we wouldn’t have won then I would have lost my
captaincy<br>and lost all my endorsements.<br><br>Q2. Is that the
only reason?<br><br>Ans. Oh yeah! I forgot, had we
lost we would have been eliminated from
the<br>tournament & the Indian government would have refused us
entry into India on the<br>grounds that they cant
provide us adequate security against the angry
cricket<br>fans who are ready to kill us for losing a measly
cricket match. I checked with<br>the British government
before the game they also admit they cant guarantee
us<br>security here in England.<br><br>Q3.What about the return
of Sachin Tendulkar?<br><br>Ans. We would have one
anyways because it was Kenya’s weak bowling and I`m
still<br>capable of scoring runs against such bowling attacks. I
maintain cricket is a<br>team game & that one man cannot
influence the result of a match.<br><br>Q4. Are you saying
that even you cannot influence the result of the
game?<br><br>Ans. I can, but not with my bat but with my on field
tactics (like persisting<br>with Agarkar no matter how
many runs he gives, dropping catches, etc).<br><br>Q5.
Any comments on Australia’s defeat today & Steve
Waugh throwing his wicket<br>away in a comfortable
position( In Azhar-like fashion)?<br><br>Ans. Looks like
Steve Waugh is a quick learner.(He`s got the Azhar
virus of<br>losing games from comfortable
positions).<br><br>Q6. Any comments on Hansie Cronje using a microphone?
Do you think it can be<br>useful?<br><br>Ans. Oh
yes! That way I can know when Sangeeta wants to go
shopping and I can<br>insure I`m available when she needs
me & I don’t waste any unnecessary time on<br>the
field. In addition, I can stay in touch with the bookies
throughout & know<br>their interests.<br><br>Q7. Are you
gonna retire after the World Cup?<br><br>Ans. Why
should I? I`m gonna keep playing till the players don’t
refuse to play<br>with me on the same team or till the
selectors don’t kick me out.<br><br>Q8. Why are you doing
this to your country?<br><br>Ans. Cause in this world
its every man for himself-I have to make my
future<br>secure.<br>Also, the Pakistanis( Inter Service Intelligence) pay
me a huge chunk of their<br>defense budget to do
this to India.<br><br>Q9. How would you explain your
performance against Pakistan is always so bad?<br><br>Ans.
Well, its because Pakistani bowling is too good for me.
I prefer teams like<br>Scotland & Kenya anyday. I
dont want to anger my Pakisani friends by
scoring<br>runs against them. Also ,I cant help it if the bookies
are interested in the<br>Ind-Pak games. And the ISI
has threatened to stop my payments if I do
well<br>against them.<br><br>Q10. What exactly went wrong against
Pakistan earlier this year?<br><br>Ans. Nothing much,
there is no reason to panic. We just didn’t bowl,bat or
field<br>well.<br>Everything else was great.<br><br>Q11. What is your reply to
the criticism on your captaincy?<br><br>Ans. Well,if
India doesn’t have a good leader to lead the government
how can it<br>have a good captain. Anyways, why
should I waste time telling the players what<br>to do,
it will be embarassing if they tell me why don’t I
lead by example.<br><br>Q12. Don’t you think its in
the best interest of the country if Ajay takes
over<br>for the remainder of the WorldCup?<br><br>Ans. No I
should stay captain.<br><br>Q13. Why?<br><br>Ans.
Because if I resign then the Pakistanis will stop my
payments and as a<br>result their defense spending would
be more & they will produce more weapons
to<br>target us.<br><br>Q14. How do you explain your dismal
batting form?<br><br>Ans.I`m in good form-its just that
the runs are not coming. You see, all my<br>energy
goes in night time activities with Sangeeta & I`m too
tired by morning.<br>I`m sure if they had day-night
g