From: Mr mark rathbun <markrathbun2000@...>
Subject: [northstarleague] FW: History 101
To: northstarleague@yahoogroups.com
Date: Wednesday, January 14, 2009, 12:04 AM

> History 101

>For those that don't know about history ...
> Here is a condensed version:Humans originally existed as
> members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They
> lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would
> go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the
> winter.The two most important events in all of history were
> the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The
> wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the
> foundation of modern civilization and together were the
> catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct
> subgroups:1. Liberals, and2. Conservatives. Once beer was
> discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of
> agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were
> invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around
> waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to
> the brewery. That's how villages were formed.Some men
> spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
> night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning
> of what is known as the Conservative movement.Other men who
> were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off
> the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's
> and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was
> the beginning of the Liberal movement.Some of these liberal
> men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as
> girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
> domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group
> hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to
> divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. Over
> the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the
> largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
> Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.Modern liberals like
> imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine
> or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
> beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard
> liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note:
> most of their women have higher testosterone levels than
> their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys,
> journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are
> liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
> because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also
> bat.Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat
> red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives
> are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
> construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
> officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the
> military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works
> productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
> conservatives who want to work for a living.Liberals produce
> little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and
> decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe
> Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why
> most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives
> were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West
> was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for
> nothing.Here ends today's lesson in world history:It
> should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to
> angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.A
> Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the
> absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded
> immediately to other true believers and to more liberals
> just to tick them off. And there you have it. Let your next
> action reveal your true self.
>
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