Ladies and gentlemen,

this is a really exciting time! For one thing, the world has not ended!
Evidently we're all still watching the grass from the right side despite
countless predictions to the contrary by wanna-be Einsteins that the
"doomsday machine" in Switzerland will produce an Earth-devouring black
hole when they switched it on last Wednesday. If you preferred to follow
the election campaign instead of the end of the world campaign (though I
am unsure whether this is mutually exclusive...), this thing is the
biggest machine on earth, has been several decades in the making, and
will finally explain why we all have mass (aside from Toscanini's
ice-cream which is definitely responsible for mine). As for
Earth-devouring black holes, several scientists independently computed
that it's about as likely to spontaneously produce the great green
Andromedan Flabbermouse. If you don't believe me, you can always check
the latest status report here:
http://www.hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com/
But I digress. Let me try again. This is a really exciting time. Unless
the black hole appears after all, we'll have the final Beat the Clock
event of the year this Saturday, September 20th. Bright and early as
always. Sign up here:
http://www.bikereg.com/events/register.asp?eventid=5943 Or, if your
season is over already, we always need volunteers!

Thank you,

Carola