Dos and Don'ts for Sports Parents.
By Michael A. Taylor

DO FOR YOURSELF:

Get vicarious pleasure from your children's participation, but do
not become overly ego-involved.
Try to enjoy yourself at competitions. Your unhappiness can cause
your child to feel guilty.
Look relaxed, calm, positive, and energized when watching your child
compete. Your attitude influences how your child feels and performs.
Have a life of your own outside of your child's sports
participation.

DO WITH OTHER PARENTS:

Make friends with other parents at events. Socializing can make the
event more fun for you.
Volunteer as much as you can. Youth sports depend upon the time and
energy of involved parents.
Police your own ranks: work with other parents to ensure that all
parents behave appropriately at practices and competitions.


DO WITH COACHES:

Leave the coaching to the coaches.
Give them any support they need to help them do their jobs better.
Communicate with them about your child. You can learn about your
child from each other.
Inform them of relevant issues at home that might affect your child
at practice.
Inquire about the progress of your children. You have a right to
know.
Make the coaches your allies.


DO FOR YOUR CHILDREN:

Provide guidance for your children, but do not force or pressure
them.
Assist them in setting realistic goals for participation.
Emphasize fun, skill development and other benefits of sports
participation, e.g., cooperation, competition, self-discipline,
commitment.
Show interest in their participation: help get them to practice,
attend competitions, and ask questions.
Provide a healthy perspective to help children understand success
and failure.
Emphasize and reward effort rather than results.
Intervene if your child's behavior is unacceptable during practice
or competitions.
Understand that you child may need a break from sports occasionally.
Give your child some space when needed. Part of sports participation
involves them figuring things out for themselves.
Keep a sense of humor. If you hare having fun and laughing, so will
your child.
Provide regular encouragement.
Be a healthy role model for your child by being positive and relaxed
at competitions and by having balance in your life.
GIVE THEM UNCONDITIONAL LOVE: SHOW THEM LOVE WHETHER THEY WIN OR
LOSE!!!


DON'T FOR YOURSELF:

Base your self-esteem and ego on the success of your child's sports
participation.
Care too much about how your child performs.
Lose perspective about the importance of your child's sports
participation.


DON'T WITH OTHER PARENTS:

Make enemies of other parents.
Talk about others in the sports community. Talk to them. It is more
constructive.


DON'T WITH COACHES:

Interfere with their coaching during practices or competitions.
Work at cross purposes with them. Make sure you agree
philosophically and practically on why your child is playing sports
and what they may get out of sports.


DON'T WITH YOUR CHILDREN:

EXPECT YOUR CHILDREN TO GET ANYTHING MORE FROM THEIR SPORT THAN A
GOOD TIME, PHYSICAL FITNESS, MASTERY AND LOVE OF A LIFETIME SPORT
AND TRANSFERABLE LIFE SKILLS.
Ignore your child's bad behavior in practice or competitions.
Ask the child to talk with you immediately after a competition.
Show negative emotions while watching them perform.
Make your child feel guilty for the time, energy and money you are
spending and the sacrifices you are making.
Think of your child's sports participation as an investment for
which you expect a return.
Live out your own dreams through you child's sports participation.
Compare your child's progress with that of other children.
Badger, harass, use sarcasm, threaten or use fear to motivate your
child. It only demeans them and causes them to hate you.
Expect anything from your child except their best effort.
EVER DO ANYTHING THAT WILL CAUSE THEM TO THINK LESS OF THEMSELVES OR
OF YOU!!


You can help your child become a strong competitor by…

Emphasizing and rewarding effort rather than outcome.
Understanding that your child may need a break from sports
occasionally.
Encouraging and guiding your child, not forcing or pressuring them
to compete.
Emphasizing the importance of learning and transferring life skills
such as hard work, self-discipline, teamwork, and commitment.
Emphasizing the importance of having fun, learning and developing
new skills.
Showing interest in their participation in sports, asking questions.
Giving your child some space when needed. Allow children to figure
things out for themselves.
Keeping a sense of humor. If you are having fun, so will your child.
Giving unconditional love and support to your child, regardless of
the outcome of the day's competition.
Enjoy yourself at competitions. Make friends with other parents,
socialize, and have fun.
Looking relaxed, calm, and positive when watching your child
compete.
Realizing that your attitude and behaviors influences your child's
performance.
Having a balanced life of your own outside sports.

Don't…

Think of your child's sport participation as an investment for which
you want a return.
Live out your dreams through your child.
Do anything that will cause your child to be embarrassed.
Feel that you need to motivate your child. This is the child's and
coach's responsibility.
Ignore your child's behavior when it is inappropriate, deal with it
constructively so that it does not happen again.
Compare your child's performance to that of other children.
Show negative emotions while you are watching your child at a
competition.
Expect your child to talk with you when they are upset. Give them
some time.
Base your self-esteem on the success of your child's sport
participation.
Care too much about how your child performs.
Make enemies with other children's parents or the coach.
Interfere, in any way, with coaching during competition or practice.
Try to coach your child. Leave this to the coach.


Stress Relievers for Parents with Children in Sports

Laugh. Go to a funny movie or do something silly with a friend.
Take a 10 minute break and walk around the block.
Light a candle and take a bubble bath in the dark.
Do nothing. . . and don't feel guilty about it!
Pay off your credit cards.
Turn off the T.V.
Read a book or magazine.
Read a classic book as a family.
Make time for a hobby or activity you really love.
Meet a good friend for coffee.
Write your child's coach a note of thanks.
Smile at someone.
Sit outside on a warm summer night and watch the stars come out.
Concede that you don't have to be proven right every time.
As a family get involved with a project that helps someone less
fortunate.
Set up a carpool schedule for your kid's activities so you don't
spend your life in the car.
Set aside a day with no outside activities scheduled.
Go to the church or synagogue of your choice.
Schedule a meeting with your child's coach to discuss her progress
and establish agreed upon goals.
Avoid initiating or participating in the gym gossip.


Michael A. Taylor is a USA Gymnastics Kinder Accreditation for
Teachers (KAT & MELPD) Instructor, serves on the USA Gymnastics Pre
School Advisory Panel, is a USA Gymnastics National Safety
Instructor, serves on the USA Gymnastics National Safety Review
Board, is a USAG PDP I Video Clinic Administrator, an American Red
Cross CPR/First Aid and Sport Safety Instructor, and an American
Sport Education Program Coaching Principles (PDP II) Instructor.
Michael is a Certified National Youth Sports Administrator; an
Instructor for the Stanford University based Positive Coaching
Alliance, a long-time member of the U.S. Elite Coaches Association
and a former gym owner.