You asked for it - now you are going to get it.!!!

The Principles of Electricity

Out of a discourse on faults of Joseph Lucas comes the following: "Lucas
Electrically Eccentric"; and "The reason the British drink
warm beer is that they have Lucas fridges"; and "Joseph Lucas Prince of
darkness". These slogans and other scurrilous soubriquets,
some of which are quite unprintable, are from time to time heaped on the
shoulders of Joseph Lucas Ltd.

This is really quite unfair and displays a basic inability to comprehend the
simple principles of a motor vehicle's electrical
system.

Forget all that nonsense about magnetic fields and the flow of electrons along a
conductor, for it is just that nonsense. A myth put
about by auto electricians to support their lavish lifestyle at your expense.
The reality is SMOKE!

When you think about it, it all becomes startlingly obvious smoke makes all
electrical things function. If the smoke escapes, the
component stops working. For example, the last time you had to grovel under your
car to replace the starter motor, didn't it start
smoking just before it ceased working? Of course it did!

The wiring loom in your car carries smoke from one device to another, pumped
around the system by the dynamo or alternator, and when
the wiring springs a leak it lets all the smoke out and everything stops. The
starter motor requires lots of smoke to work properly,
so it has a very thick wire going to it.

The battery stores up lots of smoke dissolved in the battery acid which is why
they were once called accumulators until it became
apparent they we unwashed home mechanics would twig the secret. Naturally, if
you try to dissolve too much smoke in your battery it
will escape through those little holes in the top this is why those new fangled
batteries with sealed tops explode when they get too
much smoke in them.

However, with regard to Joseph Lucas and his wrongfully sullied reputation why
is he so maligned? Why are Lucas components more
likely to leak than, say Bosch, Ducellier, or Nippon Denso? Because Lucas is
British. British things always leak. British engines
leak oil, British sports cars leak rain, British hydrolastic units leak fluid
and British Governments leak military secrets. So
naturally, British electrical components leak smoke!

-----Original Message-----
From: historicrally@yahoogroups.com [mailto:historicrally@yahoogroups.com] On
Behalf Of Satch Carlson
Sent: 23 May 2008 20:04
To: historicrally@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [Historic Rallying] And another thing!

Brother Wallace claims he is still afflicted with Lucas points.

Is there one source for every Lucas joke extant? I ran across one with which
I was unfamiliar recently but can't remember the exact wording. I know of
the Lucas three-position switch: Dim, Intermittent, and Off. But this was
something like a three-position Lucas switch: Spark, Smolder, and Blaze.

Satch Carlson


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