First of all, Dean, and Scott, I would like to say in my own defense
that the number of my opponents who have been hospitalized as a
consequence of their playing a match against me has been greatly
exaggerated. The actual number of such cases does not extend beyond
the low, single digits.

Second, while it is true that the American Chiropractic Association
and the National Manufacturers of Trusses are sponsors of mine, it is
not true that I receive a monetary bounty for every opponent of mine
that subsequently needs their services. Contrary to popular belief, I
have no profit-sharing arrangement with these sponsors, and I resent
those who insist that there is a hierarchy of payments made to me
based on the seriousness of my opponents' injuries.

Moreover, I take particular exception to the rumor that I conspire
with these sponsors before major tournaments in order to devise new,
devilish means to do harm to my opponents, designing match-strategies
guaranteed to cause dislocations and physical trauma.

Let me be perfectly clear: All such unfortunate consequences are
purely spontaneously-occurring and are in no way, pre-programmed,
rehearsed, staged or otherwise a priori-designed. To say otherwise, I
should point out, constitutes slander, and if written, libel.

I hope I have gotten across clearly the true state of affairs which
is, I do not take any satisfaction in injuries my opponents
experience, all accounts to the contrary notwithstanding. I bear my
opponents no malice, neither expressly or by implication.

I will not deny, however, that I enjoy watching that disbelieving,
horror-struck look in their eyes as I hit a ball at an undreamed of
angle, their bodies twisting in vain to reverse their previous
momentum – but this is a far cry from mercenary misanthropy, don't you
think?

Robert Palgon


--- In hardbat@yahoogroups.com, "Reverend Gordon" <sgordon@...> wrote:
>
> --- "wallyswoods" <wallyswoods@> wrote:
> > And include how to beat Bob Palgon, too.
> > Haven't played a game or match against him yet,
> > and he has challenged me to the same at the
> > next tournament.
>
> I have played Bob on numerous occasions and have a decent record, so I
> think I can share the secrets of achieving at least some measure of
> victory against him. By "some measure", I mean you must be aware that
> making it through the match unharmed is a victory in itself. First...
> hold off on any visits to the chiropractor for the 2 or 3 weeks
> preceding your meeting with Bob, because he will give you a
> chiropractic adjustment during the match (at no extra charge, I might
> add). Second... purchase a truss - you will need it to hold your
> bones, ligaments, and joints together while gracelessly lurching in
> unexpected directions. Third... don't angle the ball - it only makes
> it worse. Fourth... do not allow photographers during the match -
> this will not be your shining hour. And finally, whatever you do,
> don't warm up... part of his fiendish strategy is to achieve some
> preliminary dislocation of your connecting tissues before the match
> starts. Follow these steps and - win or lose - you just might be able
> to play your next round unbandaged. And, if you're really lucky, lo
> and behold that little twitch in your lower back might have
> miraculously vanished!
>