600th Wild Card
Hash Trash

Boo Boo put on a great 600th Hash for the Wild Card last Monday night. Co hare
Buttplug contributed richly to the celebration, but cleverly stayed in the
background (that's a joke) blaming all on Boo Boo, obviously in case anything
went amiss.

I (Virgin Dick) was especially excited to get to the hash, as I'd been away for
a couple of weeks, and missed some great hashing I'm sure. I picked up the
Princess and found the co hare, Buttplug, had taken the only available outdoor
space. Since we (Princess and I at least) value the outdoor environment, we
decide to just hang for a while, see who else got there and then park. Wake Me
When I Cum was already there smiling when we arrived. It turned out to be a
real crowd. A pretty interesting mix of long time Wild Card hashers with
current regulars and a few visiting hashers, along with a couple of just
figuring it out new comers. We especially missed Cuming or Going, but he made
his presence felt (more out about that in chronological order), and Itsy Bitsy
who was somewhere keeping the Wild Card from celebrating with it's now classic
symbol, the Cock and Balls of the Sacred Vessel. I grabbed two of the really
great 600th Wild Card T-shirts, they have all the names of all the Wild Card
hashers on shirt, t and tank for only $9 each. Such a deal. I'm on it: I
bought it. Pay you later. I brought mangoes (again) for Liquorbriefs to make
mango bread, but she (again) was absent.

I finished my beer and drove around again to the parking garage. A couple
arrived in truck and recognized, I guess because I was changing into running
clothes next to my car, that I was a hasher, and asked if I was and they were
right. They were a nice on trail couple from Pennsylvania. Then Belly Dancer
showed up so I knew I must have been running late. I hustled back to the start
while Princess whined about her toe and then tried to way-lay Cum Again
(unsuccessfully) to get his umbrella. The Pennsylvania guy commented about
pussy hashers with umbrellas, but it really wasn't raining anymore. Q-Tits came
up to make the visitors feel at home and I'm sure they soon did. I chatted with
Daily Double as NoBloHo came bouncing in with her nfhn no fucking hash name
Bill, who was already wanting to know how much longer until we went on trail.

We stood under the bridge while the hares explained the marks. I hardly had
time to insult or confuse them before they were off. The 15-minute lead meant
time for another beer, and I was now sharing, as the PA guys thought $2 meant
includes beer ("sweet dreams are made of this"), so I offered them some of mine.
I had a minute to chat with Stop the Bus, recently appointed (or elected) to the
Board of the Mango Strut, who offered the hash preferred parking near to the
parade if we would lead the Strut again and bring beer. Careless Cumshot had
come in from Doral, as had soon to be named Jorge, and a couple of other Miami
hashers, including George (sometimes it sounds just like Jorge) who need hash
names. Frenchy Wench (aka Stenchy Wench, Anal) drove up with a pile of kayaks
on her truck, complaining of low clearance into the parking garage. Cum Again
asked me how much time was left and reminded me I was "keeping the clock." I
told him eight minutes, which he immediately recognized as time enough to drink
another beer and did. I drank and chatted and said hi to Teflon Willie when I
reached that side of the group. I counted about 35 people, a long way from five
hounds that once chased Weathered Cock (another no show) on a Wild Card trail
across Tropical Park in Miami so that we could drink warm beer out of white
plastic Tropical Milk containers. Cuming or Going was in that pack, as was
Frictionless head (we lost him, but we've still got ER) and I'm not sure who
else. But that was another day on a different trail.

This trail was running through downtown Ft. Lickhertale. Argentuna asked me the
time and sure enough, it was "two more minutes." It was a slow, if not walking
start, but we were on trail and then…lost and then found and you know we ran a
really new and different trail across a favorite hashing area. We had the usual
whining and misdirection and I have to admit I'm still a little surprised to see
a biking (nfhn) hasher on trail. Cum Again headed over the tunnel, but came
back and apparently turned Cold Porter around so that when I got there everyone
was saying false trail because we thought Cum Again had said that, though he
claims he said "no trail." So guess what, five minutes later after running
every direction, the tail end of the pack found the true trail going, that's
right, over the tunnel. I ran with All Hands on Dick after crossing the road
and heading toward the river. Wrong again. Avery pretty lady stopped to
inquire about our pack, but I left her for Pedalphile when she announced she was
"in the program." The pack came dangerously close to crossing trail but then
managed to cross Las Olas second time before finding the beer check.

The beer check fell within my personal preference, which is between 28 and 35
minutes out. I was ready for a cold one after running through the muggy night.
I had run mostly bad checks, but enjoyed the city night anyway. The trail kept
the FRB's pretty much at bay, and I caught up with Teflon Willie (or he with
me). This, of course was his "wheelhouse" for Hash trails. He has laid more
than a few around this hood, for sure.

We ran with aimless abandon through the streets and next to the river, and I
looked up to see my favorite Jamaicanmehorny rounding the corner in her SUV and
casting some extremely suggestive comments in my direction. I ran toward the
window but it was just another tease, and she drove away. On to the beer check.
Pedalphile and I joined Princess and Ass Up in a small circle and we moved down
trail a bit, and actually watched the hares leave the check.

The next check was an excellent (Piper Sonoma) champagne check, under a cute
little gazebo shelter, and it was noted (Cum Again, again) that we were at
virtually the same spot we used to start a lot of Ft. Lauderdale and Full Moon
hashes, let alone Wild Cards, and often had parked in the now grassed Jail house
Parking Lot. We even started a week night Nerd hash from there one year.

Then a short walk/jog back to the start. Ring of Fire and I chatted about the
New & Improved Miami H3 which she and now departed Epicenter Butt (re-) started
almost a year ago. Lot's of good hashing down south, with Careless Cumshot (he
started with the Wild Card) setting trail this Thursday in Doral with
Gladheateher.

Pedalphile and Teflon Willie ran our 600th Wild Card circle and immediately
skipped the Virgin part, which caused me to notice that we had no sacred vessel
for the celebration or have I mentioned that before. Buttplug got rid of the
Hash shit left in his vehicle previously by Banana Hammock, but I've already
forgotten who now has charge of that motley life preserver (probably something
Sucks On The Beach once found on trail). Sucks was a latecomer, but not so late
as to miss the trail.

Butt Plug then had each of us who had ever served as RA for the Wild Card into
the circle and give each of us a Wild Card patch that Cuming or Going (this is
chronological order) had produced and donated for the occasion even though he
couldn't be there himself. Always the "Perfect Hasher." Princess was awarded
an extra patch for showing her tits, proving she needed a patch for each nipple.

During one of the down downs there was a gross violation of the traditions and
morals of the Hash as one of our hashers committed severe violence on a beer
drinking hound. Not that we haven't seen (and dealt) with it before but we
don't allow violence or physical harassment of any kind at the hash and we trust
we won't see it again for at least 600 more hashes.

The circle continued without missing a beat, though Teflon Willie was obviously
displeased and slightly incensed. He and Pedalphile let us spew and accuse many
for the objectionable acts that had taken place on trail, and I drank at least
once more for not having a whistle.

When announcements came, only Careless Cum shot knew where his hash (Red White
and Screw on Thursday) would begin (Cold Porter didn't tell us and nfhn Micheala
didn't seem to know exactly). Princess Layyaa announced her 4th of July
Fireworks Pool Party Hash (begins at 4 pm) and the Hash went in peace to get a
piece.

The on after was at a traditional Wild Card favorite, Downtowner, but I opted
for getting back to Miami in one piece and skipped it.

As always, there is no claim of accuracy or even veracity for this Hash Trash.
All comments and corrections are welcomed and appreciated.

See you on trail.

On On

VD