Note: forwarded message attached.

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> Understanding Engineers - Take One
>
> Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
> "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,
> "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a
> beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground,
> took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
>
> The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
> probably wouldn't have fit."
> -----------------------------------------------------
>
> Understanding Engineers - Take Two
>
> To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
> half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to
> be.
> -----------------------------------------------------
>
> Understanding Engineers - Take Three
>
> A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
> particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
> these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor
> chimed
> in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor
> said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
>
> "Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
> slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group
> of blind firefighters who lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a
> fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
>
> The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I
> think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
>
> The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
> ophthalmologist
>
> buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
>
> The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
> ---------------------------------------------------
>
> Understanding Engineers - Take Four
>
> There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
> mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he
> happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him
> regarding
> a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their
> multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone
> else to get the machine to work but to no avail.
>
> In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so
> many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the
> challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. Finally, at the
> end
> of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of
> the machine and said, "This is where your problem is." The part was
> replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received
> bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an
> itemized accounting of his charges.
>
> The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1; Knowing where to put
> it $49,999. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in
> peace.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
> Understanding Engineers - Take Five
>
> What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
> Engineers?
>
> Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
> Understanding Engineers - Take Six
>
> Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
> possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical
> engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an
> electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of
> electrical
> connections."
>
> The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
> toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
> ---------------------------------------------------
>
> Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
>
> "Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
> Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
> features yet."
>
> -- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
> ----------------------------------------------------
>
> Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
>
> An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
> better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
> enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
> relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress,
> because
> of the passion and mystery he found there.
>
> The engineer said, "I like both."
>
> "Both?" they asked.
>
> Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
> assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to
> the
> lab and get some work done."
> ---------------------------------------------------
>
> Understanding Engineers - Take Nine
>
> An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
> and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He
> bent
> over,picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up
> again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful
> princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the
> frog
> out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
>
> The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
> princess,
> I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took
> the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally,
> the
> frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
> princess,
> that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't
> you kiss me?"
>
> The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
> girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
>