ECW on Sci-Fi
January 30, 2007

This is my first ever ECW review. In the past months, this show has
become so awful that I had stopped watching it by choice. Now I am
giving it another chance.

Backstage, Vince McMahon is meeting the "Alpha Male" Marcus Cor Von.
Across the hall, Sandman is blowing his nose and enjoying the
newspaper. Vince is angry that he is drinking on the job. Vince
wonders where he got the name "Sandman" and starts singing. I
couldn't make this up if I tried. Sandman busts his beer over his
forehead and Vince scatters off.

The house of hardcore has seen better days. Why doesn't WWE just
drop the pretense and call this something other than "ECW." The big
highlights for tonight's show are Vince McMahon's first ever ECW
performance and Lashley vs. Test 3.

CM Punk vs. Matt Striker
I really hate Striker's gimmick. It could work it if was toned down
a little bit, the over the top school teacher bit just doesn't work,
especially in ECW. Striker takes the upper hand in the early going
of the match, but Punk gets a drop kick in. Punk follows up with a
scoop slam and dumps Striker over the ropes. Punk continues his
assault at ringside and dumps Striker back into the ring. Striker
kicks the ring ropes into Punk's groin as he reenters and takes
control again. Striker uses the ropes as his weapon for a bit, and
finally slams Punk into the ring for a convincing near fall. Striker
hits a neckbreaker and gets another near fall. This leads us to the
typical sleeper hold. Since this is the WWE, Punk heroically fights
out of the rear choke and hits the Irish whip into a running back
elbow. Punk gets in a power slam and plays to the crowd. Punk hits a
running knee to the face and plants Striker on the mat. Punk hits a
nice back breaker and gets a near fall. Striker dumps Punk over the
ropes, but Punk lands on his feet. Punk goes for the sunset flip,
but Striker covers him, grabs the ropes for leverage, and defeats
Punk at 3:53! Yeah, I would have to say that Punk as a main event
threat is officially over. The match was decent enough, though the
finish was a bit botched, *.
Winner: Matt Striker

We are now treated to the same Royal Rumble highlight package that
aired numerous times during Raw last night. One of the most
obnoxious things about the new ECW is that they don't rebel against
the WWE anymore. They gladly participate in all the big pay-per-
views, and gladly hype Raw and Smackdown on their own shows.

Backstage, Vince gets a hug from some diva and meets Tommy Dreamer.
Vince acts like he isn't familiar with Dreamer, and wonders what
kind of name "Dreamer" is. Vince doesn't deal with dreams, he deals
with reality. Dreamer doesn't get a word in, and Vince walks off.
Well, that was pointless. Dreamer should've wrecked Vince, but just
stood there looking offended.

Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly
These two had a good match a few months ago. I doubt this one will
reach that level, but it would be nice. They tie up and RVD gets a
head lock in. Holly fights it, and it turns into a hammerlock. Holly
reverses it, but RVD knocks him down. RVD hits a kick off the ropes
and plays to the crowd, who are desperate for a hero in this entire
mess of a show. RVD hits a rough hurrancanrana on Holly and follows
up with a spin kick. RVD gets a near fall, which no one bought.
Holly fights back and goes for the Alabama Slam, but RVD escapes and
kicks Holly to the mat. RVD stalls a bit more, and goes for another
cover. RVD hits some forearms and whips Holly into the corner. Holly
gets a boot to RVD's face and hits a clothesline, which he seemed to
think warranted a cover attempt. Holly hits a suplex and goes for
another cover. They exchange some shots, with RVD getting an Irish
whip in. Holly is soon dumped over the ropes, giving RVD the chance
to hit a suicide dive over the ropes. We head to a commercial.

After the break, the match continues, with Holly in control. Holly
chokes RVD in the corner, which is too extreme for the referee to
allow. RVD fights back and gets a leg drop off the middle rope, and
gets a near fall out of it. Holly reverses an Irish whip and RVD
leaps to the top rope. Holly recovers and pushes RVD off into the
barricade at ringside. Holly capitalizes by slamming RVD into the
ring steps. The action returns to the ring, and Holly keeps control
with some kicks. Holly slows things down with a cobra clutch. RVD
gets to his feet and reverses it with a modified stunner. Holly more
or less no sells the move and goes back to kicking at a hurt RVD.
Holly uses the ropes to stretch RVD, but this is also too extreme
for the referee to allow. Holly hits some more kicks, gets another
cover attempt in, and goes to the sleeper move. RVD predictably
fights out and gets in a spinning heel kick. RVD gets some shots in
before suffering a big drop kick from the bald one. Holly goes for
yet another pointless cover attempt. RVD gains some momentum and
gets another roll up in and monkey flips Holly. RVD sets up Holly
for the frog splash, but Holly stands up, so RVD hits a flying drop
kick instead. RVD goes for the rolling thunder, but Holly gets up
again, so RVD has to improvise again with a kick. RVD then hits the
rolling thunder for real and gets a close near fall. RVD goes for
the monkey flip again, but Holly counters and hits a big power bomb
for another very close cover. Holly heads upstairs, but RVD hits the
ropes. RVD goes for a superplex, but Holly pushes him off. Holly
awkwardly leaps off into a spinning heel kick in mid-air. RVD goes
for the frog splash, but Holly moves out of the way. Holly goes for
the Alabama Slam, but his back gave out. Holly rams RVD into the
turnbuckle, and hits the Alabama Slam for real, earning him the hard
fought victory at 15:20. The first half of this match absolutely
sucked, but it picked up after the break, *1/2.
Winner: Hardcore Holly

Backstage, Vince meets Sabu and mocks him like he did with the other
two ECW originals that still work there.

We are treated to a Wrestlemania hype package after the commercial
break.

Backstage, Vince is now terrorizing Balls Mahoney, who was listening
to head phones and rocking out. I really hope these segments are
building to something.

Next up, Kelly, Brooke, and Leyla are in the ring for Kelly's
Expose. This is basically a poorly rehearsed cheerleader segment.
Only WWE could make me be bored with scantily clad women dancing.
Even worse, they are dancing to a five year old Christina Aguilera
song. Not surprisingly, the segment is ended by Vince McMahon. He
kicks them out of the ring, which actually disappoints the crowd.

Vince is still upset about Donald Trump embarrassing him last night
on Raw. But tonight, he is making history by standing inside an ECW
ring (which was a Smackdown ring earlier in the taping). Vince
thinks everything that has to do with the original ECW sucks and
anyone who liked it sucks too. This earns Vince more heat than he's
had on Raw in ages. Vince doesn't want ECW to consist of a group of
drunken, genocidal misfits. Seriously, this promo blows away
anything he's done recently on Raw. Vince introduces the man who is
the epitome of everything the new ECW should be, Elijah Burke! Burke
comes out grinning like a Cheshire cat and wearing a nice suit.
Vince calls him the "future" of ECW and hands him the mic. Burke is
honored to stand in the ring with an intelligent man like Vince.
Burke is under the delusion that he has fans. Burke then runs down
the ECW originals, and promises that they will all feel his wrath
and power. Burke's boasting brings out Sandman, with a kendo stick
in hand. They start brawling. Tommy Dreamer joins the fray, along
with Balls Mahoney and Sabu. They use the numbers game to destroy
Burke. They hold Burke still long enough for Sandman to crack the
kendo stick over his head! Sabu then fetches a table and a chair.
The other place Burke on the table, and Sabu puts him through it
with the chair. These four ECW originals appear to be united for the
time being, and I have to say that this was the best segment I have
seen on this show in months. It gave Burke some exposure and fired
up the old ECW guys.

ECW World Championship:
Bobby Lashley © vs. Test
This is their third singles match in two weeks. The first match took
place last week on ECW, and it sucked. Lashley won that match
cleanly. The second match took place on the Royal Rumble, and
reportedly also sucked, and ended with a count-out victory for
Lashley. It would seem that it is time for the trilogy of suck to
come full circle. Could Test pull off the upset?

At least this will be short. It is 10:57 now and Lashley is just
making his entrance. I cannot get past how lame it is for ECW World
title matches to be held under WWE rules. Lashley aggressively
attacks Test in the early going and tosses him outside. Lashley
chases him, but Test pushes him into the ring post. Test pulls the
padding off a section of concrete floor. Test tries to pile drive
him onto the concrete, but Lashley counters and back drops Test onto
the floor. And amazingly, we head to a commercial break.

After the break, Test has Lashley trapped in a rest hold. That Test
sure is an impact player. During the break, Test rammed Lashley
shoulder first into the turnbuckles. Back in the match, Test has
broken the hold, but is now working on slamming the "injured" arm of
Lashley into the ring post. Lashley pulls his arm, forcing Test's
skull to bounce off the ring post. Lashley forces Test back into the
ring and they exchange shots. Lashley hits a clothesline into the
corner and then a spear. Lashley hits a nice vertical suplex and
then some forearms. Test pushes Lashley into the corner, but misses
a big boot. Lashley hits the exploder suplex and then a running
power slam, which is enough to retain the title at 7:06. Most of the
match took place during the commercial break, but the televised
parts were intense enough to be enjoyable, *3/4.
Winner and still ECW Champion: Bobby Lashley

After the match, Lashley's celebration is interrupted by The
Undertaker showing up in the ring. Undertaker is teasing using his
Rumble victory to challenge Lashley. Test storms in with a chair,
but gets chokeslammed by Undertaker. The show ends with Undertaker's
lights and music playing, with Lashley looking nervous.

Final thoughts: This actually wasn't a bad show. The Vince McMahon
involvement actually turned out to be a positive thing, as he was on
with his promos and it lead to giving some exposure to Burke and
actually utilizing the ECW originals. Punk jobbing to Striker does
not thrill me, but this seems to be a part of an ongoing feud and
not the burial of Punk that everyone is dreading. RVD jobbing to
Holly cleanly was a bit upsetting, but not a total shocker as RVD
seems to be on his way out of the company. The Undertaker appearance
was a genuine surprise, as his Raw appearance from last night really
threw me off, that and the thought that he would care to challenge
Lashley for the ECW title at Wrestlemania is laughable at best. I
have to say, this was actually a fairly good episode of ECW that
actually could be building some storylines, though I really hope
this was the last chapter in the Lashley/Test feud.

Thumbs in the middle, leaning up.