WWE Raw
January 29, 2007

Tonight: Mr. McMahon is holding "Fan Appreciation Night" which will
probably do nothing but insult the fan base, and the fallout from
New Year's Revolution!

Raw is airing from Dallas, TX. Our hosts for the evening are Jim
Ross and Jerry Lawler.

The show kicks off with the DX music. DX consists of only Shawn
Michaels now, but this whole DX gimmick gets him bigger pops then he
was before the revival, so it makes sense to keep it going. HBK
takes the microphone and talks a bit about his loss in the Royal
Rumble match last night, putting over The Undertaker in the process.
HBK still plans on headlining Wrestlemania and becoming the WWE
Champion again. HBK reminds us that the Rumble winner gets to pick
which champion to face, and that The Undertaker hasn't made his
choice yet, so HBK wants a title shot. This brings out the WWE
Champion, John Cena. Cena was in quite a war last night in a Last
Man Standing match against Umaga.

Cena takes the microphone. Cena likes the idea of HBK challenging
him at Wrestlemania, but whether or not this happens is up to the
Undertaker. Cena is interrupted by Edge. Edge is making fun of HBK
and puts himself over for beating Cena several times in the past. If
Undertaker does not pick Cena, Edge wants the title shot against
Cena. This predictably brings out Randy Orton. Orton points out that
Edge has had something like "30" title shots against Cena, while he
hasn't gotten any. Cena cuts them off and challenges them to a
fight. Edge and Orton make their way to the ring, but Mr. McMahon
cuts them off on the Titantron. McMahon "tells the audience what
they want" and tonight Orton and Edge will defend the World Tag Team
titles against Cena and HBK. That should actually make for a good
main event. This entire opening segment was good enough, if not a
bit predictable. However, it only took up 11 minutes of air time, so
no complaints here.

Backstage, Cryme Tyme are hanging out. JTG gives a shout out to all
his homeboys. They head to the ring for a match.

Cryme Tyme vs. The World's Greatest Tag Team
Damn, it is good to see the WGTT back together. Cryme Tyme is still
undefeated in the WWE. Charlie Haas starts off against Shad, and
puts him in a hammerlock. This turns into a side headlock. Shad
pushes him off and grounds with a shoulder. JTG accidentally
distracts the referee, allowing Shelton Benjamin to hit a cheap shot
to the back of Shad knee. Haas targets the knee and tags in
Benjamin. Benjamin continues the attack on Shad's knee, and so far
this match feels like a rushed, abbreviated version of a full length
tag contest. Shad brawls back but gets caught in a half Boston crab.
Shad is a face in peril about 2 and a half minutes into this match.
JTG makes the "hot tag" and cleans house with some basic moves.
Benjamin skins the cat on the ropes and takes an interfering Shad
over the ropes with a head scissors take down. Meanwhile Haas hits a
DDT on JTG, and allows Benjamin to gain the pinfall victory at 3:38.
Cryme Tyme's undefeated streak is over! This match was short and
felt like it was in slow motion, ½*.
Winners: The World's Greatest Tag Team

Backstage, Mr. McMahon claims his fan appreciation night will be as
big as Wrestlemania. McMahon compares himself to Mother Theresa and
Gandhi in a typical self masturbatory segment.

Own the unrated version of John Cena in The Marine tomorrow!

This week in wrestling history: the very first Royal Rumble in 1988!
Hacksaw Jim Duggan won! I bet he jobs to Kenny Dykstra in the next
segment!

Or not, MNM's music plays. Melina comes out and takes a microphone.
She took some advice from Mr. McMahon, so now she's wrestling for a
shot at the Women's title.

Melina vs. Maria
They tie up and Maria pulls out some adequate moves. My being
impressed ends when she hits the bronco buster. Melina awkwardly
shoves Maria to the mat and hits some punches. Melina whips Maria
into the corner and positions her in the turnbuckles for a stiff
kick and then some choking. Maria fires back with a kick and a roll
up for a near fall. Melina fires back with some kicks, but soon
suffers a jaw breaker. Melina drops Maria with a flap jack and takes
a moment to scream. This turns into a reverse camel clutch and Maria
taps. I forgot to time the match, but it went about two minutes and
a half. I did not hate this match, as Maria has actually learned a
few new tricks, but it was sloppy as hell, ¼*
Winner: Melina

Tomorrow on ECW, Lashley faces Test yet again. So they wrestled for
free last week, wrestled again at the Royal Rumble to a count out
finish, and now are having part three. That is some genius booking.

We are treated to an advertisement for last night's Royal Rumble,
which by all accounts sounds as if it was a very good show.

Backstage, Shawn Michaels is grumpy. Todd Grisham wants an
interview, despite being super kicked by HBK last time. Grisham asks
HBK how he feels about his chemistry tagging with Cena, and HBK puts
it this way: "he is no Triple H." That was classic Kliq burial right
there.

Elsewhere, Super Crazy is annoying Mickie James. Melina gets into
Mickie's face, threatens her, and they start brawling. They are
broken up by Super Crazy and Johnny Nitro. It looks as if Melina vs.
Mickie will be a Wrestlemania feud.

Elsewhere, Edge is hanging out with Trevor Murdoch and Lance Cade.
Edge is boasting about his Wrestlemania streak. Edge nobody can take
the tag titles away from him and Orton. Neat.

Val Venis vs. Umaga
Jim Ross reminds us that Venis is a former Intercontinental
Champion, which is a disservice to the belt at this point. "Hey,
this jobber once held a prestigious title!" There is little doubt
who is winning this match. Venis runs right into a clothesline to
kick things off. Umaga hits a Samoan Drop and places Venis into a
tree of woe to continue the assault. Umaga hits the running head
butt before Venis finally falls out of the tree of woe. Umaga
follows up with his running butt tackle and goes right for the
Samoan Spike. This earns Umaga the victory at 1:48. This was a basic
squash, DUD.
Winner: Umaga

While Umaga is still making his way up the ramp, Mr. McMahon comes
out wearing a cowboy hat. He stops to make eye contact with Umaga,
before the commercial break. Apparently the "Fan Appreciation Night"
segment is next.

There is a big cloth covering a display behind Vince for the Fan
Appreciation segment. McMahon thanks the fans for making him a
billionaire. He has a special gift for one of the fans in
attendance. He picks a little girl in the front row, who is then
revealed to be a rather attractive twenty something year old. She is
from Dallas, and obviously a plant. Her name is Jackie, and I can't
help but wonder if she's one of the twenty new divas that Johnny Ace
just hired. Anyway, the present is revealed to be the Muscle Fitness
cover that featured McMahon on it. Hey, that cover is from last year
and is old news! Jackie gets to keep the cover as a gift. What a
lucky girl! You know something, I had a feeling this segment would
be bad, but this is beyond my expectations.

But then Donald Trump shows up on the Titantron! Trump tells McMahon
that they have no choice but to like him because they have no
alternative! Trump says that no one would want the autograph. Trump
claims to know the audience better than Vince. He says they want
value for the money they paid for tickets. Trump is going to give
the crowd what they want, and money starts falling from the ceiling.
I guess it turns out to be real money. I bet they confiscate this
money when the show is over. The crowd isn't nearly as excited about
this free money as I would be. Well, now that I know why this
segment started out so overly poor, it seems okay. Vince is furious
that Donald Trump embarrassed him like this and demands the money
back. This was something different and I am a bit interested to see
where this heads.

Although it is a bit sad that Trump dumps hundred dollar bills from
the ceiling and still couldn't get a good face pop. I bet they were
counting on the fans turning around and spending it all at the
merchandise stands.

Next is a hype package for Wrestlemania 23. The theme song is a new
Saliva track, which works pretty well.

Backstage, Coach is apologizing for what Donald Trump did. Vince
says he has never been embarrassed like that in his life. I would
have thought having his face shoved into Big Show's ass would have
been worse, but I'm not a billionaire, so I can't quite say.

Carlito (with Torrie Wilson and Chloe) and Super Crazy vs. Chris
Masters and Kenny Dykstra
Raw is midcard! This should be a good one, hopefully it will go
longer than four minutes. Masters kicks off the match against Super
Crazy, and quickly corners him. Super Crazy leaps off the middle
rope into a crossbody and takes control with a corkscrew elbow.
Masters won't have any of this, and tags in Kenny. There is an
audible "Super Crazy" chant from the crowd, I have long believed
that he is more over than anyone thinks. Carlito is tagged in, and
takes control of Kenny. Carlito hits a head scissors takedown and
tags in Super Crazy. Soon after, Super Crazy and Carlito hit
simultaneous suicide dives over the ropes to their opponents on the
floor. Carlito was a bit off with his dive, but whatever. Back in
the ring, Kenny takes control of Super Crazy and tags in Masters.
Masters hits a back breaker and punches before tagging in Kenny
again. Kenny gets a near fall before going into the obligatory rest
hold. Super Crazy eventually breaks the hold, but Kenny keeps
control. The tag is made to Masters, and they hit a double vertical
suplex on the Crazy one. Any momentum this match had is completely
dead by now. Masters and Kenny keep up the tags, with Masters
seemingly trying to weaken the back of Super Crazy for an eventual
Masterlock. Kenny goes for a second obligatory rest hold. Super
Crazy fights out and tries to block a back suplex, but takes the
bump anyway. Crazy finally tags in Carlito, who collides with the
newly tagged in Masters. Carlito cleans house, at least until Kenny
interrupts. Super Crazy unloads Kenny to the ringside area, leaving
it down to Masters and Carlito. Carlito escapes a military press
slam, hits the back cracker, and this is enough to get the victory
at 7:31! I take back what I said earlier about wanting this match to
go longer than four minutes, as the heat section on Super Crazy just
about killed this one, ¾*.
Winners: Carlito and Super Crazy

Backstage, Todd Grisham is standing by with Randy Orton. Grisham
asks Orton how he's going to put past his heat with Edge for the
match tonight. Orton says being tag champs with Edge has been a
highlight of his career, though not the greatest. Orton is looking
forward to victory tonight. I like the seeds they are planting for
the Edge/Orton split.

Give me a break, The Great Khali is challenging Jeff Hardy for the
Intercontinental Championship. I suppose it makes sense that Khali
would be getting title opportunities, but still, this is the worst
wrestler on television today.

Intercontinental Championship:
Jeff Hardy © vs. The Great Khali
This is where I start begging the wrestling gods (or the WWE
writers) for a disqualification finish, or Hardy picking up an upset
victory. Khali poses with the belt before the match even begins.
Hardy tries to start things off quick, but runs into Khali's arms.
Hardy falls to the outside, but gets caught on the apron by Khali.
Khali swings Jeff into the ring and corners him with some shots.
Khali is actually moving, I am very impressed! Khali celebrates his
dominance, and keeps kicking at Jeff Hardy. Jeff props himself up in
the ropes, and suffers a giant chop. Hardy is lifted up for a slam,
but he slides off and hits some token punches before being dropped
to the mat again with a clothesline. Hardy leaps off the ropes, back
first into Khali, who actually sells the attack a bit. Khali goes
for his double fist Chokeslam, but Hardy falls into the ropes and
drops to the floor. Khali stands there in the ring celebrating,
seemingly unaware that he can't win the title by count-out. Jeff
Hardy is counted out about 3:30, retaining the title in the process.
Hardy bumped his ass off to make Khali look competent here, and it
worked, but I question the continued jobbing of the smaller, yet
hotter, stars to Khali. ¼*.
Winner by count-out: The Great Khali

Candice Michelle is filming another commercial. How intriguing.

Wrestlemania recall: the first money in the bank ladder match! This
is a match that I have grown to appreciate more with time. It was
actually quite tremendous, and has seemingly kicked off a brand new
Wrestlemania tradition.

Hey, Vladimir Kozlov is in the audience! He still loves the "double
double e" but he was not pleased with the final four, or something,
I could not really understand a word he was saying. Apparently,
neither could Jerry Lawler. Jim Ross then puts over last night's
Royal Rumble pay-per-view, with emphasis on the Cena/Umaga match. If
they think I am going to shell out 40 bucks for a pay-per-view
encore instead of waiting a month to shell out 13 bucks for the DVD,
they are insane. However, the match did seem like it was quite
awesome, complete with using the top rope as a weapon.

Backstage, John Cena is hanging out with Ric Flair. Cena is excited
about possibly winning the tag titles with Shawn Michaels. If I were
him, I would be resenting being considered inferior to Triple H.
Apparently the main event is starting after this commercial break,
which means it should get some appropriate time.

Mr. McMahon will appear on ECW this week! I guess they are desperate
to turn the ratings around on that show, eh? I have no idea how his
being on the show will possibly add to the program.

World Tag Team Championship:
Rated RKO © vs. John Cena and Shawn Michaels
HBK starts the match off against Edge. They tie up and shove each
other into the turnbuckle. Edge then misses a spear into the
opposite corner, and HBK capitalizes with some chops and an
enziguri. HBK taunts Orton with some DX posing, which almost is
enough to get Orton to storm the ring. HBK continues his chop fest
on Edge, reverses an Irish Whip, and grounds the Rated R Superstar.
Tag is made to Cena, who cleans house on Edge, drops an elbow, and
gets a near fall. Edge reverses the Irish Whip, but runs into Cena's
boot and eats a DDT. Cena gets the near fall. Edge pulls Cena head
first into the corner and tags in Orton. Orton hits a series of
uppercuts on Cena, and mounts him for some punches. Orton seemingly
wants to aggravate Cena's cuts from last night's pay-per-view. Cena
comes back and hits a suplex and earns a near fall. Orton regains
control quickly, and slugs Cena into the Rated R corner. Orton turns
to taunt HBK, allowing Cena to mount an offense. Cena pushes Orton
into Edge, knocking him off the turnbuckle, and gets a surprisingly
convincing near fall at the four and a half minute mark. Edge is
pissed off at what just happened and abandons Orton. We go to a
commercial!

Back live, Cena is grappling with Edge, who I guess decided not to
abandon Orton after all. Cena has been taking a beating for quite a
few minutes now, and desperately needs a tag. Hey, isn't that what
happened in the other two tag matches earlier tonight? I think I
might be noticing a pattern or something. At least this match is
going long enough to justify the "face in peril" situation. Anyways,
Orton is tagged back in and keeps control of Cena. He tags in Edge,
and they double team the champ. Edge hits some forearms to Cena's
sensitive forehead and gets a near fall. Edge drags Cena to the
corner and tags in Orton, who continues the "ground and pound"
offense that Rated RKO has been using. This transitions into a rear
naked choke into a leg scissors and back into the choke. Cena gets
to his feet, despite having Orton clinging to him, and rams him into
the turnbuckles. Cena is free and narrowly avoids a drop kick from
Orton. Despite this, Cena is bleeding again and far away from HBK.
Cena finally tags in HBK, who cleans house on Edge. HBK climbs to
the top and connects with the flying elbow drop. HBK signals the
Sweet Chin Music, but Orton cuts him off. Edge manages to tag Orton
back in, who positions himself to hit the RKO on Michaels. HBK
blocks the RKO, though he more or less takes the bump anyway. HBK
tags in Cena, who hits the F-U on Orton and covers him for the
victory and the championship at 14:51! This was a much more lively
tag match than I was expecting, though there seems to be tension
between the new champs as Cena gets into Shawn's face with the WWE
title. This was a solid main event, though not overly wonderful or
memorable, so **3/4 would be appropriate.
Winners and new World Tag Team Champions: John Cena and Shawn
Michaels

After the match, the music of The Undertaker hits! Taker rises
through the stage (like Gangrel used to) as smoke and pyro goes off.
The Undertaker doesn't do or say anything, but we are led to assume
that he wants to challenge Cena for the WWE title at Wrestlemania 23.

Final Thoughts: Pretty standard Raw for the most part. The matches
mostly felt like they were in slow motion, nothing was very
impressive. I did not like seeing Khali discredit yet another hot
superstar, but I guess I'll live. The Undertaker showing up was a
nice surprise, though it would have been better had he actually done
something. The Donald Trump angle seems like it should be somewhat
interesting, but I want to wait and see if it goes anywhere
meaningful before I give it any approval. This was a completely
middle of the road Raw.

Thumbs in the middle.