You Know You're Addicted to Cycling When...

Your surgeon tells you need a heart valve replacement
and you ask if you have a choice between presta and
schrader.

A Power Bar starts tasting better than a Snickers.

The bra your significant other finds in your glove
compartment belongs to your Trek and not the cute
waitress at Denny's.

You wear your heart monitor to bed to make sure you
stay within your target zone during any
extracurricular activities.

The funeral director tells you "NO!" you can't ride
your Cannondale in the funeral procession, even if you
keep your headlight on.

You experience an unreasonable envy over someone who
has bar end extenders longer than yours.

You're too tired for hanky-panky on a Friday night but
pump out a five-hour century on Saturday.

You have stopped even trying to explain to your spouse
why you need two bikes...you just go buy another one
and figure it will all work out in the divorce
settlement.

You buy your crutches instead of renting.

You convert your car's brake and gas pedals to
clipless.

You see nothing wrong with discussing the connection
between hydration and urine color.

You find your Shimano touring shoes to be more
comfortable and stylish than your gunboat sneakers.

You refuse to buy a couch because that patch of
wallspace is taken up by the bike.

You have more money invested in your bike clothes than
in the rest of your combined wardrobe.

Biker chick means black Spandex, not leather, and a
Marinoni, not a Harley.

You see a fit, tanned, Lycra-clad young woman ride by,
and the first thing you check out is her bicycle.

You empathize with the roadkill.

Despite all that winter fat you put on, you'll skim
weight by buying titanium components.

You use wax on your chain, but not on your car.

Your mud guards are made out of milk jugs.

When driving, you yell "On Your Left!" on passing
another car.

You yell "Hole!" when you see a pothole while driving
your car.

Your bike has more miles on its computer then your
car's odometer.

You wear your riding gloves when driving your car.

Your bikes are worth more than your car.

You buy a mini-van and immediately remove the rear
seats to allow your bike(s) to fit.

When you move to a new area the first thing you look
for is a bike shop.

You have more bike jerseys than dress shirts.

You take your bike along when you shop for a car -
just to make sure the bike will fit inside.

You use the Yakima or Thule 'Fit Catalog' to pick your
next new car instead of Consumer Reports.

You start yelling at cars to "hold your line."

You view crashes as an opportunity to upgrade
components.

You clean your bike(s) more often then your car.

You spend weeks during the summer spraying arrows on
the sides of roads.

You and your significant other have and wear identical
riding clothes.

You mount a $600 cap, on a $1,000 pickup truck, so
your $3,000 bike doesn't get wet.

You can't seem to get to work by 8:30 AM, even for
important meetings, but you don't have any problems at
all meeting your buddies at 5:30 AM for a hammerfest.

You can tell your spouse, with a straight face, that
it's too hot to mow the lawn and then bike off for a
century.

You regard inter-gender discussion of genital pain as
normal.

You know your cadence, but you have no idea what your
speed is.

When driving your car you lean over the steering
wheel, just like an aerobar.

Your car sits outside your garage because your garage
is full of bikes and cycling gear.

You tailgate a semi-trailer to get the drafting
effect.

You hear someone had a crash and your first question
is "How's the bike?"

You smile at your evening date, and she politely
points out that you seem to have bugs in your teeth.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other
friends who are addicted to cycling.