so, i'm like cruisin' to the zippy mart in my pt cruiser and my cell phone rings and it's gerbil stuffer, and he's all like, "hey, where is everybody?  it's 1500 o'clock and we're here for the hash and to check out your women" and i'm all like, "chillllll, duuuuuude.  you are like harshing my mellow....we'll be there when we be there.  stand fast and fill your pie hole with a pabst or something."  and he's like "oh," so then we finally show up at the start around 320-ish for the 3 pm run and everything coalesces nicely. 

more people show up, the trail markings are explained, the hare (Pole Pounder) takes ten minutes for a semi-live headstart and the three wanks from kenosha (as they are known in most circles) try to drink up all the beer in the cooler.  finally Palms and Poop'n close the hatch of the cruiser on oral fixation's dick skinners and head back to the mart for more beer, weiners and buns and the pack sets out in search of Pole Pounder and the first beer near.  after a semi-interesting creek crossing behind the bowling alley there is a lot of pavement pounding until the trail leads into grant park south of college avenue.  then there is a lot of brush breaking and root stumbling and puddle splashing and pole pounder cursing along the deer trails and mountain bike single-track in the woods around the lake shore tower high-rise until the pack finds the hare and the beer in repose upon the bluff behind the high-rise overlooking lake michigan.

they took so long to get there i thought i made the trail too difficult but it turns out it took them more than a 10 minute headstart to finish all the beer at the start they could get their hands on before Palms and Poopn cut them off.  eventually they stumbled, bumbled or ambled in, led by gerbil, oral and just liz (the radio chick who only cums a couple times a year) and after a suitable pause the hare took another 10 minute lead (can you say "sissy boy?") south into grant park, across the soccer fields, past the picnic area, through the woods, over the river and past the kids overnight camping lodge, through a hole in the fence, back to the creek and through the scenic seven bridges area and then back to the very beer near they just left.

and since they took so freaking long finishing their beers the hare had to hide in the woods feeding the mosquitos (what do they eat when they can't get hobbit?) until the pack passed by; and then they took so f'ing long to get back to the finish i was starting to worry about them but then palms said the brats and weiners were ready and all concern for my fellow man was replaced with thoughts of stuffing my gullet; which i did.  eventually everyone safely returned and we had a nice little picnic with a cool breeze to keep the skeeters at bay and make the 90F temperature feel much more like 88.  we indoctrinated virgins kristy? and baby snatcher (cums snatcherly's baby girl who happily told the pack, "daddy made me come"), welcomed the visiting wanks from K-town, and had a trial by down-down to determine FRB which was won by just liz (beaten by a gerbil, beaten by a gerbil!).

funny story about just liz:  she's expressed an interest in becoming a tv personality and the tv folks she expressed it to suggested she lose 10-15 pounds (because apparently the camera adds that much back on, eh); which led oral fixation to opine that meant she had to lose and arm or a boob; i planned to put it to a vote during the fine circle ably run by Palms 13:15 but i forgot, so we'll have to bring it up under old business at the next hash.  personally i'm thinking that arm's got to come off.  (as wesley says to buttercup in the princess bride, "there are always too few perfect breasts in this world; leave yours alone."  sniff...that line always makes me tear up.).  many thanks to Palms and Poopn for making the picnic part possible.

Happy trails, PP