>>
>This years Darwin Awards winners
>
>Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine
>which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free
>soda out of it.
>
>The nominees this year in reverse order are:
>
>7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply
>because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
>milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited
>into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire
>burned his house down killing both him and his sister.
>
>6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home
>died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6'2"
>tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white
>bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that
>he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also
>wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a
>rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was
>connected to one end of a hollow tube approx. 12" long and 3" in
>diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for
>reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the
>task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very
>awkward.
>
>5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low
>altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided
>to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own
>aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with
>their pants around their ankles.
>
>4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after
>he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad
>trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker,
>taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one
>foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park,
>jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman,
>said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby.
>"The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance
>between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said. Police say the
>apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."
>
>3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he
>and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as
>the ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was
>hospitalized.
>
>2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the
>smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building,
>extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.
>After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the e gas
>company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they
>had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of
>the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the
>technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that
>resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like
>object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to
>three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter
>was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of
>causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.
>
>AND THE WINNER.....
>
>1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt
>Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local
>golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad
>mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum
>in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante
>by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place,
>thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately
>passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch.
>Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than
>a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance,
>and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open
>during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and
>remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed
>and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer and
>the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke
>a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and
>was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for
>surgery, and the remaining threesome was asked to leave the course.
>
>This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die.
>But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of
>stupidity, we have allowed it.

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