I just got this email from the White Sox trying to sell me 2008 season tickets.  Frankly, one 2008 was enough.  Now if they were going to sell me 2005 season tickets, that would be a different story.

-------- Original Message --------

Subject:	2008 White Sox Season Ticket Information
Date:	Fri, 31 Oct 2008 13:58:25 -0500
From:	Chicago White Sox <tickets@...>
Organization:	Chicago White Sox
To:	Greg Freedman <greg@...>

Greg,

 

Season tickets for the 2008 White Sox are still available! Pro-rated plans are available for full season and split season packages, and our Ozzie Plan is also still available for fans looking for a little more flexibility.

 

For more information, please visit whitesox.com or click on one of the links below:

 

Season Ticket Plans and Benefits:

http://chicago.whitesox.mlb.com/cws/ticketing/ticket_plans.jsp?loc=benefits

 

Split Season Plans:

http://chicago.whitesox.mlb.com/cws/ticketing/ticket_plans.jsp?loc=split

 

Ozzie Plan:

http://chicago.whitesox.mlb.com/cws/ticketing/ticket_plans.jsp?loc=ozzie

 

Thanks for your interest in White Sox baseball!

 

Chicago White Sox

Chicago White Sox

Tel: (312)674-1000

Fax: (312)674-5140

tickets@...

Hmmmmm, just couldn't resist...........you can tell I was bored last night......all in jest.   A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn't want to go to jail. His lawyer told him, "Don't worry. You'll never have to go to jail with all that money." And the lawyer was right.  When the man was sent to prison, he didn't have a dime. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Smart Attorney 1   An attorney defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his attorneys assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Smart Attorney 2   A doctor and an attorney in separate vehicles collided on I-95 one foggy night. The fault was questionable, but both were shaken up, and the attorney offered the doctor a drink from a pocket flask. The doctor took the flask with a shaking hand and belted back a couple of swallows. As the attorney started to put the cap back on the flask the doctor asked, "Aren't you going to have one too, for your nerves?" "Of course I am," replied the attorney, "after the Highway Patrol gets here." -------------------------------------------------------------------------   Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!" The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Any time a lawyer is seen and not heard, it's a shame to wake him.   ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titanic.   ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Did you hear about the terrorists who took a whole courtroom full of lawyers hostage? They threatened to release one every hour until their demands where met. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   What happened to the lawyer who was thrown out of a saloon? He was disbarred. ---------------------------------------------------------------- Lawyer's Wife Tombstone A lawyer's wife dies. At the cemetery, people are appalled to see that the tombstone reads, "Here lies Phyllis, wife of Murray, L. L. D., Wills, Divorce, Malpractice," Suddenly, Murray bursts into tears.    His brother says, "You should cry Murry, pulling a stunt like this!" Through his tears, Murray croaks, "You don't understand! They left out the phone number!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You Need A New Lawyer When ...... 1. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. 2. He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser." 3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other. 4. During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy. 5. He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger." 6. He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table. 7. He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said ..." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket and ordered a double scotch. A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, the man told the bartender he'd had enough. The bartender said, "I've got to ask you. What's with the pocket business?" "Oh," said the man, "I have my lawyer's picture in here, and when he starts to look honest, I know I've had enough." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   The First Witness A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial – a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."   The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"   She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."   At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench.  In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail for contempt within five minutes!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A man walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well dressed woman sitting on a  bar stool alone. He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going tonight?" She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, "I'll screw anybody at any time, any where, your place or my place, it doesn't matter to  me." The guy raises his eyebrows and says, " Really? What law firm do you work for?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets. -----------------------------------------------------------------------   "You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.   A Blonde Game Of Intelligence There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.   The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"   Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"   Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00   The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"   Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.     -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold.   Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred.   All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity." The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------    How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? Three--one to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   A client who felt his legal bill was too high asked his lawyer to itemize costs. The statement included this item: "Was walking down the street and saw you on the other side.   Walked to the corner to cross at the light, crossed the street and walked quickly to catch up with you. Got close and saw it wasn't you. --- $150.00." -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------    The day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer rushed to the judge's chambers, demanding that the case be reopened, saying: "I have new evidence that makes a huge difference in my client's defense." The judge asked, "What new evidence could you have?" The lawyer replied, "My client has an extra $10,000, and I just found out about it!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   At the height of a political corruption trial ... At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness.   "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"   The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't heard the question. "Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.   The witness still did not respond.   Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."   "Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------    A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape. "It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us." The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers -- we had $100 when we broke in!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. "All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.   The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know how to handle the situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function.   Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?" The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so. The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill.  The lawyer also sent one to the doctor. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Again, the last question was, "How much is two plus two?"  Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced, "Four." The lawyer was interviewed last, and again the final question was, "How much is two plus two?" The lawyer drew all the shades in the room, looked outside to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and then whispered, "How much do you want it to be?" -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   A MAFIA ATTORNEY A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his former accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer. The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The Godfather's attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you." The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damm money is!" The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is. The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where my damn money is!" The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!" The accountant signs back, "OK OK ,The money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!" The Godfather says, "Well....what did he say?" The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says...go to hell... you don't have the guts to pull the trigger ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Lawyer's donation The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.   The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute and said, "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"    Embarrassed, the United Way representative mumbled, "Um... No." "Or," the lawyer continued, "that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way representative began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted when the lawyer added,  "Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?" The humiliated United Way representative, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. "That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?   The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------   A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.   The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.   The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.   After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"   The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------   ATTORNEYS Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, a Judge got on and took the aisle seat next to the two attorneys. The Judge kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the attorney in the window seat said," I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the Judge, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, one of the attorneys picked up the Judge's shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the coke, the other attorney said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the Judge obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other attorney picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The Judge returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the Judge slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our professions?  This hatred? This animosity?  This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------       --- On Thu, 10/30/08, JOAN <joan710@...> wrote: From: JOAN <joan710@...> Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] I Love This Analogy! To: YouCanPutItOnTheBoard@yahoogroups.com Date: Thursday, October 30, 2008, 8:45 PM Hey...hey, watch it there. Joan --- In YouCanPutItOnTheBoa rd@yahoogroups. com, Greg Freedman <greg@...> wrote: > > What do you call a lawyer at the bottom of the ocean? > > > A good start. > > > Sorry to any lawyers out there. These views are not necessarily those > of the emailer or his affiliates.. . > > saul pulido wrote: > > > > """"A little background, I have been going through a divorce for the > > last couple of years"""" > > > > 2 yrs?? Looks like the lawyers are good at the 'hit and run'.....hit > > the client for more money and get another court date so they can hit > > the client again for more moolah. Divorce lawyers..... what a scam. > > > > Lawyer joke: > > Two men are fishing in the sea.....one is a lawyer and the other a > > priest....a wave tilts the boat and they both fall over the side....as > > they struggle under water a huge shark approaches the two men. > > Both men quickly say their last prayers..... then just as the shark > > opens his mouth to bite into the lawyer, he suddenly closes his mouth, > > nods at the lawyer, swims past him and bites the priest...... .what > > happened? > > > > The shark calls it 'professional courtesy'. > > > > > > > > > > --- On *Wed, 10/29/08, Marilyn Adams /<madams1954@ ...>/* wrote: > > > > From: Marilyn Adams <madams1954@ ...> > > Subject: [YCPIOTB] I Love This Analogy! > > To: "southsidehitmen" <SouthsideHitmen@ yahoogroups. com>, > > "whitesoxfanatics" <WhiteSoxFanatics@ yahoogroups. com>, > > "youcanputitonthebo ard" <YouCanPutItOnTheBoa rd@yahoogroups. com> > > Date: Wednesday, October 29, 2008, 6:24 PM > > > > A little background, I have been going through a divorce for the > > last couple of years. Don't worry that's not what this is about. > > > > I belong to support message boards also in Yahoogroups. Someone on > > the message was wondering about alimony in New Jersey. I Googled > > it and found some information for her. > > > > Now mind you this is New Jersey information. Here is part of what > > it said: > > > > "Many courts and panels have tried to formulate alimony > > guidelines. However, this goal is very similar to the Cubs quest > > to win the World Series. It just will never happen!" > > > > How funny is that? Even in Jersey they know it will never happen. > > I just had to share. > > > > Marilyn > > > > > > >

How awesome is this for Brad Lidge after we sent his career into a tailspin? Or Jamie moyer? No matter what any thinks about any team, seeing players celebrate like that is neat to see.

BR

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

---

From: Joan <joan710@...>
Date: Wed, 29 Oct 2008 19:02:38 -0700 (PDT)
To: <southsidehitmen@yahoogroups.com>; <whitesoxfanatics@yahoogroups.com>; <youcanputitontheboard@yahoogroups.com>
Subject: [YCPIOTB] Eric Hinske

It's really really bad to be the last out of any baseball game.  But to be the last out of the World Series?  Remember Eric Hinske's name.   Congrats to the Phillies.   Glad this 2008 season has finally come to an end.   Aaron Rowand is a bigger dumb-ass now.     Joan         http://www.fannation.com/truth_and_rumors/mlb

It's really really bad to be the last out of any baseball game.  But to be the last out of the World Series?  Remember Eric Hinske's name.   Congrats to the Phillies.   Glad this 2008 season has finally come to an end.   Aaron Rowand is a bigger dumb-ass now.     Joan         http://www.fannation.com/truth_and_rumors/mlb

""""A little background, I have been going through a divorce for the last couple of years""""   2 yrs??  Looks like the lawyers are good at the 'hit and run'.....hit the client for more money and get another court date so they can hit the client again for more moolah.  Divorce lawyers.....what a scam.   Lawyer joke: Two men are fishing in the sea.....one is a lawyer and the other a priest....a wave tilts the boat and they both fall over the side....as they struggle under water a huge shark approaches the two men. Both men quickly say their  last prayers.....then just as the shark opens his mouth to bite into the lawyer, he suddenly closes his mouth, nods at the lawyer, swims past him and bites the priest.......what happened?   The shark calls it 'professional courtesy'.     --- On Wed, 10/29/08, Marilyn Adams <madams1954@...> wrote: From: Marilyn Adams <madams1954@...> Subject: [YCPIOTB] I Love This Analogy! To: "southsidehitmen" <SouthsideHitmen@yahoogroups.com>, "whitesoxfanatics" <WhiteSoxFanatics@yahoogroups.com>, "youcanputitontheboard" <YouCanPutItOnTheBoard@yahoogroups.com> Date: Wednesday, October 29, 2008, 6:24 PM A little background, I have been going through a divorce for the last couple of years. Don't worry that's not what this is about.   I belong to support message boards also in Yahoogroups. Someone on the message was wondering about alimony in New Jersey. I Googled it and found some information for her.   Now mind you this is New Jersey information. Here is part of what it said:   "Many courts and panels have tried to formulate alimony guidelines. However, this goal is very similar to the Cubs quest to win the World Series. It just will never happen!"   How funny is that? Even in Jersey they know it will never happen. I just had to share.   Marilyn

But I just flashed on a thought. What happened to the "Player Of
The Week" contest? Seemed to dry up after July. Did anyone win?
What were the prizes?

 

.