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#21746 From: "minnekadawn" <vampy68@...>
Date: Sat Nov 1, 2008 2:05 pm
Subject: Re: White Sox decline option on Griffey, Hall
minnekadawn
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
Thankfully! There wasn't much of a poin tin having him around except
to fulfill Kenny Williams 'man crush' that he had on him for years.

--- In YouCanPutItOnTheBoard@yahoogroups.com, "Kathy Strelow"
<writerly@...> wrote:
>
> I thought getting Griffey was a silly move, but it was cool to have
him in a White Sox uniform for a little while.
>
> Kathy Strelow
> www.kathleenstrelow.com
> www.youravon.com/kstrelow
>
>   ----- Original Message -----
>   From: Mark Phillips
>   To: youcanputitontheboard
>   Sent: Thursday, October 30, 2008 2:40 PM
>   Subject: [YCPIOTB] White Sox decline option on Griffey, Hall
>
>
>   Thank God!  Kind of a stupid trade in the first place if you ask
me.
>
>   White Sox decline option on Griffey
>   57 minutes ago
>
>   CHICAGO (AP)—Ken Griffey Jr.'s $16.5 million option was declined
Thursday by the Chicago White Sox, making the No. 5 home run hitter
in major league history eligible for free agency.
>
>   Griffey is owed a $4 million buyout, which completes a $116.5
million, nine-year contract that he agreed to with the Cincinnati
Reds before the 2000 season.
>
>   The 38-year old hit a combined .249 with 18 homers and 71 RBIs in
143 games last season for the Reds and the White Sox. Griffey
batted .260 with three homers and 18 RBIs in 41 games with the White
Sox, who acquired him July 31 in a trade that sent right-hander Nick
Masset and infielder Danny Richar to Cincinnati.
>
>   Griffey went 2-for-10 in the AL playoffs as the White Sox were
beaten in four games by the Tampa Bay Rays. He underwent arthroscopic
surgery on his left knee this month to repair torn meniscus and torn
cartilage, a condition that affected his power numbers.
>
>   Griffey passed Sammy Sosa for fifth on the home-run list last
season and has 611, trailing only Barry Bonds (762), Hank Aaron
(755), Babe Ruth (714) and Willie Mays (660). Griffey is 18th with
1,772 RBIs.
>
>   Chicago also declined a $2.25 million option on backup catcher
Toby Hall, who batted .260 with two homers in 41 games last season.
He gets a $150,000 buyout.
>
>   Chicago also agreed to a one-year contract with free agent
infielder Jayson Nix, who spent most of last season with the Colorado
Rockies' Triple-A farm club at Colorado Springs. Nix played in 22
games with the Rockies, batting .125 after opening the season as the
starter at second base.
>
>   Nix gets $400,000 in the majors and $70,000 in the minors.
>

#21745 From: "JOAN" <joan710@...>
Date: Sat Nov 1, 2008 3:37 am
Subject: Re: [Fwd: 2008 White Sox Season Ticket Information]
Joan710
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
Well are you gonna buy any or not?  Great seats available!  Were
these for 2008 Off-Season tickets?  LOL!  Someone's gonna pay for
sending out that e-mail.

Joan


--- In YouCanPutItOnTheBoard@yahoogroups.com, Greg Freedman
<greg@...> wrote:
>
> I just got this email from the White Sox trying to sell me 2008
season
> tickets.  Frankly, one 2008 was enough.  Now if they were going to
sell
> me 2005 season tickets, that would be a different story.
>
> -------- Original Message --------
> Subject:  2008 White Sox Season Ticket Information
> Date:  Fri, 31 Oct 2008 13:58:25 -0500
> From:  Chicago White Sox <tickets@...>
> Organization:  Chicago White Sox
> To:  Greg Freedman <greg@...>
>
>
>
> Greg,
>
> Season tickets for the 2008 White Sox are still available! Pro-
rated
> plans are available for full season and split season packages, and
our
> Ozzie Plan is also still available for fans looking for a little
more
> flexibility.
>
> For more information, please visit whitesox.com or click on one of
the
> links below:
>
> Season Ticket Plans and Benefits:
> http://chicago.whitesox.mlb.com/cws/ticketing/ticket_plans.jsp?
loc=benefits
>
> Split Season Plans:
> http://chicago.whitesox.mlb.com/cws/ticketing/ticket_plans.jsp?
loc=split
>
> Ozzie Plan:
> http://chicago.whitesox.mlb.com/cws/ticketing/ticket_plans.jsp?
loc=ozzie
>
> Thanks for your interest in White Sox baseball!
>
>
> Chicago White Sox
>
> *
>
> Chicago White Sox
>
> *
>
> Tel: (312)674-1000
>
> Fax: (312)674-5140
>
> tickets@...
>

#21744 From: jesenia424@...
Date: Fri Oct 31, 2008 7:56 pm
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] [Fwd: 2008 White Sox Season Ticket Information]
jesenia424
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
Ahhh....little did we know after wishing and hoping for so many years.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile


From: Greg Freedman <greg@...>
Date: Fri, 31 Oct 2008 14:19:08 -0500
To: <YouCanPutItOnTheBoard@yahoogroups.com>
Subject: [YCPIOTB] [Fwd: 2008 White Sox Season Ticket Information]

I just got this email from the White Sox trying to sell me 2008 season tickets.  Frankly, one 2008 was enough.  Now if they were going to sell me 2005 season tickets, that would be a different story.

-------- Original Message --------

Subject: 2008 White Sox Season Ticket Information
Date: Fri, 31 Oct 2008 13:58:25 -0500
From: Chicago White Sox <tickets@chisox.com>
Organization: Chicago White Sox
To: Greg Freedman <greg@gregfreedman.com>


Greg,
 
Season tickets for the 2008 White Sox are still available! Pro-rated plans are available for full season and split season packages, and our Ozzie Plan is also still available for fans looking for a little more flexibility.
 
For more information, please visit whitesox.com or click on one of the links below:
 
Season Ticket Plans and Benefits:
 
Split Season Plans:
 
Ozzie Plan:
 
Thanks for your interest in White Sox baseball!
 

Chicago White Sox

Chicago White Sox

Tel: (312)674-1000

Fax: (312)674-5140

tickets@chisox.com


#21743 From: "Mark Phillips" <markp8867@...>
Date: Fri Oct 31, 2008 7:42 pm
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] [Fwd: 2008 White Sox Season Ticket Information]
markp8867
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
That is funny lol.  They waste no time in trying to get their hands on the fans money.


 
On Fri, Oct 31, 2008 at 2:19 PM, Greg Freedman <greg@...> wrote:

I just got this email from the White Sox trying to sell me 2008 season tickets.  Frankly, one 2008 was enough.  Now if they were going to sell me 2005 season tickets, that would be a different story.

-------- Original Message --------

Subject: 2008 White Sox Season Ticket Information
Date: Fri, 31 Oct 2008 13:58:25 -0500
From: Chicago White Sox <tickets@...>
Organization: Chicago White Sox
To: Greg Freedman <greg@...>


Greg,
 
Season tickets for the 2008 White Sox are still available! Pro-rated plans are available for full season and split season packages, and our Ozzie Plan is also still available for fans looking for a little more flexibility.
 
For more information, please visit whitesox.com or click on one of the links below:
 
Season Ticket Plans and Benefits:
 
Split Season Plans:
 
Ozzie Plan:
 
Thanks for your interest in White Sox baseball!
 

Chicago White Sox

Chicago White Sox

Tel: (312)674-1000

Fax: (312)674-5140

tickets@...



#21742 From: Greg Freedman <greg@...>
Date: Fri Oct 31, 2008 7:19 pm
Subject: [Fwd: 2008 White Sox Season Ticket Information]
tamsgaf
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
I just got this email from the White Sox trying to sell me 2008 season tickets.  Frankly, one 2008 was enough.  Now if they were going to sell me 2005 season tickets, that would be a different story.

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: 2008 White Sox Season Ticket Information
Date: Fri, 31 Oct 2008 13:58:25 -0500
From: Chicago White Sox <tickets@...>
Organization: Chicago White Sox
To: Greg Freedman <greg@...>


Greg,
 
Season tickets for the 2008 White Sox are still available! Pro-rated plans are available for full season and split season packages, and our Ozzie Plan is also still available for fans looking for a little more flexibility.
 
For more information, please visit whitesox.com or click on one of the links below:
 
Season Ticket Plans and Benefits:
 
Split Season Plans:
 
Ozzie Plan:
 
Thanks for your interest in White Sox baseball!
 

Chicago White Sox

Chicago White Sox

Tel: (312)674-1000

Fax: (312)674-5140

tickets@...


#21741 From: "Kathy Strelow" <writerly@...>
Date: Fri Oct 31, 2008 4:09 pm
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] White Sox decline option on Griffey, Hall
writerly63
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
I thought getting Griffey was a silly move, but it was cool to have him in a White Sox uniform for a little while.
 
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Thursday, October 30, 2008 2:40 PM
Subject: [YCPIOTB] White Sox decline option on Griffey, Hall

Thank God!  Kind of a stupid trade in the first place if you ask me. 
 

White Sox decline option on Griffey

CHICAGO (AP)—Ken Griffey Jr.'s $16.5 million option was declined Thursday by the Chicago White Sox, making the No. 5 home run hitter in major league history eligible for free agency.

Griffey is owed a $4 million buyout, which completes a $116.5 million, nine-year contract that he agreed to with the Cincinnati Reds before the 2000 season.

The 38-year old hit a combined .249 with 18 homers and 71 RBIs in 143 games last season for the Reds and the White Sox. Griffey batted .260 with three homers and 18 RBIs in 41 games with the White Sox, who acquired him July 31 in a trade that sent right-hander Nick Masset and infielder Danny Richar to Cincinnati.

Griffey went 2-for-10 in the AL playoffs as the White Sox were beaten in four games by the Tampa Bay Rays. He underwent arthroscopic surgery on his left knee this month to repair torn meniscus and torn cartilage, a condition that affected his power numbers.

Griffey passed Sammy Sosa for fifth on the home-run list last season and has 611, trailing only Barry Bonds (762), Hank Aaron (755), Babe Ruth (714) and Willie Mays (660). Griffey is 18th with 1,772 RBIs.

Chicago also declined a $2.25 million option on backup catcher Toby Hall, who batted .260 with two homers in 41 games last season. He gets a $150,000 buyout.

Chicago also agreed to a one-year contract with free agent infielder Jayson Nix, who spent most of last season with the Colorado Rockies' Triple-A farm club at Colorado Springs. Nix played in 22 games with the Rockies, batting .125 after opening the season as the starter at second base.

Nix gets $400,000 in the majors and $70,000 in the minors.


#21740 From: "Kathy Strelow" <writerly@...>
Date: Fri Oct 31, 2008 3:53 pm
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] Eric Hinske
writerly63
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 

It was cool.  I was happy for them.
 
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 9:08 PM
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] Eric Hinske

How awesome is this for Brad Lidge after we sent his career into a tailspin? Or Jamie moyer? No matter what any thinks about any team, seeing players celebrate like that is neat to see.

BR

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry


From: Joan <joan710@...>
Date: Wed, 29 Oct 2008 19:02:38 -0700 (PDT)
To: <southsidehitmen@yahoogroups.com>; <whitesoxfanatics@yahoogroups.com>; <youcanputitontheboard@yahoogroups.com>
Subject: [YCPIOTB] Eric Hinske

It's really really bad to be the last out of any baseball game.  But to be the last out of the World Series?  Remember Eric Hinske's name.
 
Congrats to the Phillies.
 
Glad this 2008 season has finally come to an end.
 
Aaron Rowand is a bigger dumb-ass now.
 
 
Joan

 
 
 
 


#21739 From: "Kathy Strelow" <writerly@...>
Date: Fri Oct 31, 2008 3:53 pm
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] Eric Hinske
writerly63
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
Joan, as I was watching the Phillies win the World Series I kept thinking about your Rowand comment - so fitting!  I felt bad for Hinske, too.
 
----- Original Message -----
From: Joan
Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 9:02 PM
Subject: [YCPIOTB] Eric Hinske

It's really really bad to be the last out of any baseball game.  But to be the last out of the World Series?  Remember Eric Hinske's name.
 
Congrats to the Phillies.
 
Glad this 2008 season has finally come to an end.
 
Aaron Rowand is a bigger dumb-ass now.
 
 
Joan

 
 
 
 


#21738 From: "Kathy Strelow" <writerly@...>
Date: Fri Oct 31, 2008 3:47 pm
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] I Love This Analogy!
writerly63
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
Marilyn, that IS funny.
 
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 6:24 PM
Subject: [YCPIOTB] I Love This Analogy!

A little background, I have been going through a divorce for the last couple of years. Don't worry that's not what this is about.
 
I belong to support message boards also in Yahoogroups. Someone on the message was wondering about alimony in New Jersey. I Googled it and found some information for her.
 
Now mind you this is New Jersey information. Here is part of what it said:
 
"Many courts and panels have tried to formulate alimony guidelines. However, this goal is very similar to the Cubs quest to win the World Series. It just will never happen!"
 
How funny is that? Even in Jersey they know it will never happen. I just had to share.
 
Marilyn

#21737 From: "Kathy Strelow" <writerly@...>
Date: Fri Oct 31, 2008 3:48 pm
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] Player of the Week Contest
writerly63
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
Ooh, I like that...
 
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 6:41 PM
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] Player of the Week Contest

How about also having a 'Muttonhead player of the Week'......for the numbskull player who makes the dumbest play of the week?

--- On Wed, 10/29/08, Mark Phillips <markp8867@...> wrote:
From: Mark Phillips <markp8867@...>
Subject: [YCPIOTB] Player of the Week Contest
To: YouCanPutItOnTheBoard@yahoogroups.com
Date: Wednesday, October 29, 2008, 3:43 PM

For the Player of the Week contest, I must confess I stopped keeping track of it for a couple of reasons.  First there was never any winner so it seemed like a boring contest to me and second the interest in the contest seemed to wane after June.  I also had some personal things going on (all good) in July and August that I had to deal with so it kind of fell to the wayside.  So I'm sorry for not making it better, maybe we can all come up with something new for next season.  Any ideas would be appreciated!
 
Anyway, I still want to award prizes to people who played.  So what I will do is for everyone who played I will enter them into a drawing to randomly win some prizes.  The more you played, the better chance you have at winning something.  The only rules are that you can only win once and must still be a member of the group.  I think the original prizes were kind of lame but I am coming up with some new and hopefully better ones.  I will let you know what those are and I will have the drawing sometime soon (within the next week or two).  Does that sound fair to everyone?


 
On Wed, Oct 22, 2008 at 7:26 PM, Ray <manta_ray4121@ msn.com> wrote:

But I just flashed on a thought. What happened to the "Player Of
The Week" contest? Seemed to dry up after July. Did anyone win?
What were the prizes?

 
.




#21736 From: "Marilyn Adams" <madams1954@...>
Date: Fri Oct 31, 2008 1:58 pm
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] I Love This Analogy!
mysox4evr
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
OMG. It looks like I really started something here. My post wasn't suppose to be an attorney bashing post. Sorry you have to be a witness to this craziness all you attorneys out there.
 
The post was suppose to make the point that even someone in New Jersey knows that the Cubs winning the World Series will never happen.
 
Thanks for the laughs anyway, Saul.
 
Marilyn

On Fri, Oct 31, 2008 at 4:49 AM, saul pulido <temohead@...> wrote:

 
Hmmmmm, just couldn't resist...........you can tell I was bored last night......all in jest.
 
A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn't want to go to jail. His lawyer told him, "Don't worry. You'll never have to go to jail with all that money." And the lawyer was right.
 When the man was sent to prison, he didn't have a dime.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Smart Attorney 1
 

An attorney defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled. With his attorneys assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Smart Attorney 2
 

A doctor and an attorney in separate vehicles collided on I-95 one foggy night. The fault was questionable, but both were shaken up, and the attorney offered the doctor a drink from a pocket flask. The doctor took the flask with a shaking hand and belted back a couple of swallows.

As the attorney started to put the cap back on the flask the doctor asked, "Aren't you going to have one too, for your nerves?"

"Of course I am," replied the attorney, "after the Highway Patrol gets here."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat.

The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"

The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Any time a lawyer is seen and not heard, it's a shame to wake him.
 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------


Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titanic.
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Did you hear about the terrorists who took a whole courtroom full of lawyers hostage?
They threatened to release one every hour until their demands where met.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
What happened to the lawyer who was thrown out of a saloon?
He was disbarred.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Lawyer's Wife Tombstone
A lawyer's wife dies. At the cemetery, people are appalled to see that the tombstone reads, "Here lies Phyllis, wife of Murray, L. L. D., Wills, Divorce, Malpractice,"
Suddenly, Murray bursts into tears.
 
 His brother says, "You should cry Murry, pulling a stunt like this!"
Through his tears, Murray croaks, "You don't understand! They left out the phone number!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You Need A New Lawyer When ......
1. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
2. He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."
3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each
other.
4. During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
5. He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
6. He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.
7. He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said ..."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket and ordered a double scotch.

A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, the man told the bartender he'd had enough.

The bartender said, "I've got to ask you. What's with the pocket business?"

"Oh," said the man, "I have my lawyer's picture in here, and when he starts to look honest, I know I've had enough."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 

The First Witness

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial – a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You
think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will
amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
 
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"
 
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real
disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
 
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench.
 In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail for contempt within five minutes!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well dressed woman sitting on a  bar stool alone.
He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going tonight?"
She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says,
"I'll screw anybody at any time, any where, your place or my place, it doesn't matter to  me."
The guy raises his eyebrows and says,
" Really? What law firm do you work for?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.


 

A Blonde Game Of Intelligence

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence.
Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
 
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
 
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
 
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
 
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
 
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
 
 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold.
 
Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred.
 
All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."

The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?

Three--one to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
A client who felt his legal bill was too high asked his lawyer to itemize costs. The statement included this item:
"Was walking down the street and saw you on the other side.
 
Walked to the corner to cross at the light, crossed the street and walked quickly to catch up with you. Got close and saw it wasn't you. --- $150.00."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 The day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer rushed to the judge's chambers, demanding that the case be reopened, saying: "I have new evidence that makes a huge difference in my client's defense."

The judge asked, "What new evidence could you have?"

The lawyer replied, "My client has an extra $10,000, and I just found out about it!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 

At the height of a political corruption trial ...

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked
a witness.
 
"Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
 
The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't heard the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
 
The witness still did not respond.
 
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
 
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.

"It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."

The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers -- we had $100 when we broke in!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.
 
The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know how to handle the situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function.
 
Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?" The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so.

The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill.
 The lawyer also sent one to the doctor.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four."

The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Again, the last question was, "How much is two plus two?"
 Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced, "Four."

The lawyer was interviewed last, and again the final question was, "How much is two plus two?" The lawyer drew all the shades in the room, looked outside to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and then whispered, "How much do you want it to be?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
A MAFIA ATTORNEY
A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a
room to meet with his former accountant.

The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks
you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer.

The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you
embezzled from me?"

The Godfather's attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot
understand you, but I can interpret for you."

The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damm money is!" The
attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3
million dollars is.

The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you are talking
about."

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what
you are talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the
temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him
again where my damn money is!"

The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where
it is!"

The accountant signs back, "OK OK ,The money is hidden in
a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!"

The Godfather says, "Well....what did he say?"

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says...go to hell... you don't have the guts to pull the trigger
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Lawyer's donation
The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never
received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.
 
The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute and
said, "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least
$500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give
back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your
research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has
medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
 
 Embarrassed, the United Way representative mumbled, "Um... No."
"Or," the lawyer continued, "that my brother, a disabled veteran, is
blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way representative began to stammer out an apology
but was interrupted when the lawyer added,
 "Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?"
The humiliated United Way representative, completely beaten, said
simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any
money to them, why should I give any to you?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A lawyer named Strange died,
and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe
on his tombstone,
"Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription
would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that
three men were buried under the stone.
However he suggested an alternative: He would
inscribe,
"Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.
"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone
and read it, they would be certain to remark:
"That's Strange!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
 
The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

 
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.
 
The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.
 
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case.
The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"
 
The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
ATTORNEYS
Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle.

One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just
before take-off, a Judge got on and took the aisle seat next to the
two attorneys.

The Judge kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in
when the attorney in the window seat said," I think I'll get up and get
a coke."
"No problem," said the Judge, "I'll get it for you."

While he was gone, one of the attorneys picked up the Judge's shoe
and spat in it.

When he returned with the coke, the other attorney said, "That looks
good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the Judge obligingly went to fetch
it and while he was gone, the other attorney picked up the other shoe and
spat in it.

The Judge returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As
the plane was landing, the Judge slipped his feet into his shoes and
knew immediately what had happened.

"How long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our professions?
 This hatred? This animosity?
 This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 
 
 
--- On Thu, 10/30/08, JOAN <joan710@...> wrote:
From: JOAN <joan710@...>
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] I Love This Analogy!
To: YouCanPutItOnTheBoard@yahoogroups.com
Date: Thursday, October 30, 2008, 8:45 PM

Hey...hey, watch it there.

Joan

--- In YouCanPutItOnTheBoa rd@yahoogroups. com, Greg Freedman
<greg@...> wrote:
>
> What do you call a lawyer at the bottom of the ocean?
>
>
> A good start.
>
>
> Sorry to any lawyers out there. These views are not necessarily
those
> of the emailer or his affiliates.. .
>
> saul pulido wrote:
> >
> > """"A little background, I have been going through a divorce for
the
> > last couple of years""""
> >
> > 2 yrs?? Looks like the lawyers are good at the 'hit and
run'.....hit
> > the client for more money and get another court date so they can
hit
> > the client again for more moolah. Divorce lawyers..... what a
scam.
> >
> > Lawyer joke:
> > Two men are fishing in the sea.....one is a lawyer and the other
a
> > priest....a wave tilts the boat and they both fall over the
side....as
> > they struggle under water a huge shark approaches the two men.
> > Both men quickly say their last prayers..... then just as the
shark
> > opens his mouth to bite into the lawyer, he suddenly closes his
mouth,
> > nods at the lawyer, swims past him and bites the
priest...... .what
> > happened?
> >
> > The shark calls it 'professional courtesy'.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > --- On *Wed, 10/29/08, Marilyn Adams /<madams1954@ ...>/* wrote:
> >
> > From: Marilyn Adams <madams1954@ ...>
> > Subject: [YCPIOTB] I Love This Analogy!
> > To: "southsidehitmen" <SouthsideHitmen@ yahoogroups. com>,
> > "whitesoxfanatics" <WhiteSoxFanatics@ yahoogroups. com>,
> > "youcanputitonthebo ard"
<YouCanPutItOnTheBoa rd@yahoogroups. com>

> > Date: Wednesday, October 29, 2008, 6:24 PM
> >
> > A little background, I have been going through a divorce for
the
> > last couple of years. Don't worry that's not what this is
about.
> >
> > I belong to support message boards also in Yahoogroups.
Someone on
> > the message was wondering about alimony in New Jersey. I
Googled
> > it and found some information for her.
> >
> > Now mind you this is New Jersey information. Here is part of
what
> > it said:
> >
> > "Many courts and panels have tried to formulate alimony
> > guidelines. However, this goal is very similar to the Cubs
quest
> > to win the World Series. It just will never happen!"
> >
> > How funny is that? Even in Jersey they know it will never
happen.
> > I just had to share.
> >
> > Marilyn
> >
> >
> >
>




#21735 From: saul pulido <temohead@...>
Date: Fri Oct 31, 2008 10:08 am
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] White Sox GM Ken Williams staying mum
gonnabemores...
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
Good, I'm glad the Sox dumped Grieffy.  To the nursing home for him.
 
He and Contreras can tell war stories of...back in the day.


--- On Thu, 10/30/08, Joan <joan710@...> wrote:
From: Joan <joan710@...>
Subject: [YCPIOTB] White Sox GM Ken Williams staying mum
To: southsidehitmen@yahoogroups.com, whitesoxfanatics@yahoogroups.com, youcanputitontheboard@yahoogroups.com
Date: Thursday, October 30, 2008, 10:01 PM

White Sox GM Ken Williams staying mum

Fields likely to get Crede's old job; Ramirez to short

White Sox general manager Ken Williams is declining to reveal his wish list for next week's general managers meetings. He believes his objectives became too public last year and prevented him from completing deals.

But after a series of moves Thursday, it's apparent the White Sox will be a retooled team next season.

It looks as if the Sox will have a new left side of the infield, with Alexei Ramirez moving from second base to shortstop to take Orlando Cabrera's spot and Josh Fields taking over for Joe Crede at third base — for now.

Ramirez's move opens a spot at second, where recently signed Jayson Nix will compete with left-handed- hitting Chris Getz unless the Sox make another move.

The Sox also will need a backup catcher after declining to pick up the $2.25 million option on Toby Hall, who will receive a $150,000 buyout.

They could seek more infield help because Crede and Juan Uribe have filed for free agency. Uribe lost his starting job at second but provided solid fielding at third after Crede missed most of the final two months because of recurring back problems. Uribe could receive more playing time with a team like San Francisco.

These developments, along with the expected $4 million buyout for center fielder Ken Griffey Jr., surfaced on the first day eligible players could file for free agency.

The Sox have 13 players signed for 2009 at about $97 million, but Williams appears determined to be creative starting next week when he, assistant GM Rick Hahn and director of baseball operations Dan Fabian begin meetings with executives from the 29 other teams in Dana Point, Calif.

"I'm not going to comment on rumors or scuttlebutt, " Williams said, already aware of speculation about the Sox's perceived interest in the Los Angeles Angels' Chone Figgins and Arizona free-agent second baseman Orlando Hudson.

The Sox apparently have ended their association with Crede, 30, whose back troubles eventually overshadowed his usually dependable defense and clutch hitting.

Crede's 113 home runs since 2003 were the third most for an American League third baseman during that span, and he was named to the 2008 AL All-Star team.

But he played his final game with the Sox on Sept. 2, about six weeks after initially being placed on the disabled list because of back stiffness.

Unless the Sox make a trade or sign a free agent, Fields will start at third. Fields hit 23 home runs in 100 games in 2007 after Crede was lost for nearly the final four months because of back surgery.

But the Sox couldn't trade Crede last spring, and Fields was relegated to Triple-A Charlotte, where he coped with a knee injury and fielding problems.

"I have all the confidence that a healthy Josh Fields will give us what we need at third base," Williams said.

Nix, 26, lost the second base job with Colorado after only 56 at-bats but rebounded to hit .303 with 17 home runs in 67 games at Triple-A Colorado Springs. Nix is a highly regarded fielder who can play other infield positions.

http://www.chicagot ribune.com/ sports/baseball/ whitesox/ chi-31-white- sox-chicagooct31 ,0,4417740. story

 
 
 
 



#21734 From: saul pulido <temohead@...>
Date: Fri Oct 31, 2008 9:49 am
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] I Love This Analogy!
gonnabemores...
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
 
Hmmmmm, just couldn't resist...........you can tell I was bored last night......all in jest.
 
A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn’t want to go to jail. His lawyer told him, "Don’t worry. You’ll never have to go to jail with all that money.” And the lawyer was right.
 When the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Smart Attorney 1
 

An attorney defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled. With his attorneys assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Smart Attorney 2
 

A doctor and an attorney in separate vehicles collided on I-95 one foggy night. The fault was questionable, but both were shaken up, and the attorney offered the doctor a drink from a pocket flask. The doctor took the flask with a shaking hand and belted back a couple of swallows.

As the attorney started to put the cap back on the flask the doctor asked, "Aren't you going to have one too, for your nerves?"

"Of course I am," replied the attorney, "after the Highway Patrol gets here."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat.

The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"

The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Any time a lawyer is seen and not heard, it's a shame to wake him.
 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------


Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titanic.
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Did you hear about the terrorists who took a whole courtroom full of lawyers hostage?
They threatened to release one every hour until their demands where met.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
What happened to the lawyer who was thrown out of a saloon?
He was disbarred.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Lawyer's Wife Tombstone
A lawyer's wife dies. At the cemetery, people are appalled to see that the tombstone reads, "Here lies Phyllis, wife of Murray, L. L. D., Wills, Divorce, Malpractice,"
Suddenly, Murray bursts into tears.
 
 His brother says, "You should cry Murry, pulling a stunt like this!"
Through his tears, Murray croaks, "You don't understand! They left out the phone number!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You Need A New Lawyer When ......
1. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
2. He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."
3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each
other.
4. During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
5. He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
6. He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.
7. He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said ..."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket and ordered a double scotch.

A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, the man told the bartender he’d had enough.

The bartender said, "I’ve got to ask you. What’s with the pocket business?"

"Oh," said the man, "I have my lawyer’s picture in here, and when he starts to look honest, I know I’ve had enough."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 

The First Witness

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial – a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”
She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You
think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will
amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”
 
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?”
 
She again replied, “Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real
disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him.”
 
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench.
 In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, “If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail for contempt within five minutes!”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well dressed woman sitting on a  bar stool alone.
He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going tonight?"
She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says,
"I'll screw anybody at any time, any where, your place or my place, it doesn't matter to  me."
The guy raises his eyebrows and says,
" Really? What law firm do you work for?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.


 

A Blonde Game Of Intelligence

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence.
Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
 
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
 
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
 
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
 
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
 
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
 
 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold.
 
Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred.
 
All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."

The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?

Three--one to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
A client who felt his legal bill was too high asked his lawyer to itemize costs. The statement included this item:
"Was walking down the street and saw you on the other side.
 
Walked to the corner to cross at the light, crossed the street and walked quickly to catch up with you. Got close and saw it wasn't you. --- $150.00."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 The day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer rushed to the judge's chambers, demanding that the case be reopened, saying: "I have new evidence that makes a huge difference in my client's defense."

The judge asked, "What new evidence could you have?"

The lawyer replied, "My client has an extra $10,000, and I just found out about it!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 

At the height of a political corruption trial ...

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked
a witness.
 
“Isn't it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?”
 
The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't heard the question.
“Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated.
 
The witness still did not respond.
 
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.”
 
“Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.

"It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."

The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers -- we had $100 when we broke in!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.
 
The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know how to handle the situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function.
 
Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?" The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so.

The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill.
 The lawyer also sent one to the doctor.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four."

The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Again, the last question was, "How much is two plus two?"
 Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced, "Four."

The lawyer was interviewed last, and again the final question was, "How much is two plus two?" The lawyer drew all the shades in the room, looked outside to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and then whispered, "How much do you want it to be?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
A MAFIA ATTORNEY
A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a
room to meet with his former accountant.

The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks
you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer.

The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you
embezzled from me?"

The Godfather's attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot
understand you, but I can interpret for you."

The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damm money is!" The
attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3
million dollars is.

The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you are talking
about."

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what
you are talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the
temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him
again where my damn money is!"

The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where
it is!"

The accountant signs back, "OK OK ,The money is hidden in
a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!"

The Godfather says, "Well....what did he say?"

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says...go to hell... you don't have the guts to pull the trigger
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Lawyer's donation
The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never
received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.
 
The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute and
said, "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least
$500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give
back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your
research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has
medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
 
 Embarrassed, the United Way representative mumbled, "Um... No."
"Or," the lawyer continued, "that my brother, a disabled veteran, is
blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way representative began to stammer out an apology
but was interrupted when the lawyer added,
 "Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?"
The humiliated United Way representative, completely beaten, said
simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any
money to them, why should I give any to you?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A lawyer named Strange died,
and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe
on his tombstone,
"Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription
would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that
three men were buried under the stone.
However he suggested an alternative: He would
inscribe,
"Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.
"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone
and read it, they would be certain to remark:
"That's Strange!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
 
The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

 
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.
 
The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.
 
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case.
The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"
 
The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
ATTORNEYS
Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle.

One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just
before take-off, a Judge got on and took the aisle seat next to the
two attorneys.

The Judge kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in
when the attorney in the window seat said," I think I'll get up and get
a coke."
"No problem," said the Judge, "I'll get it for you."

While he was gone, one of the attorneys picked up the Judge's shoe
and spat in it.

When he returned with the coke, the other attorney said, "That looks
good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the Judge obligingly went to fetch
it and while he was gone, the other attorney picked up the other shoe and
spat in it.

The Judge returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As
the plane was landing, the Judge slipped his feet into his shoes and
knew immediately what had happened.

"How long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our professions?
 This hatred? This animosity?
 This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 
 
 
--- On Thu, 10/30/08, JOAN <joan710@...> wrote:
From: JOAN <joan710@...>
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] I Love This Analogy!
To: YouCanPutItOnTheBoard@yahoogroups.com
Date: Thursday, October 30, 2008, 8:45 PM

Hey...hey, watch it there.

Joan

--- In YouCanPutItOnTheBoa rd@yahoogroups. com, Greg Freedman
<greg@...> wrote:
>
> What do you call a lawyer at the bottom of the ocean?
>
>
> A good start.
>
>
> Sorry to any lawyers out there. These views are not necessarily
those
> of the emailer or his affiliates.. .
>
> saul pulido wrote:
> >
> > """"A little background, I have been going through a divorce for
the
> > last couple of years""""
> >
> > 2 yrs?? Looks like the lawyers are good at the 'hit and
run'.....hit
> > the client for more money and get another court date so they can
hit
> > the client again for more moolah. Divorce lawyers..... what a
scam.
> >
> > Lawyer joke:
> > Two men are fishing in the sea.....one is a lawyer and the other
a
> > priest....a wave tilts the boat and they both fall over the
side....as
> > they struggle under water a huge shark approaches the two men.
> > Both men quickly say their last prayers..... then just as the
shark
> > opens his mouth to bite into the lawyer, he suddenly closes his
mouth,
> > nods at the lawyer, swims past him and bites the
priest...... .what
> > happened?
> >
> > The shark calls it 'professional courtesy'.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > --- On *Wed, 10/29/08, Marilyn Adams /<madams1954@ ...>/* wrote:
> >
> > From: Marilyn Adams <madams1954@ ...>
> > Subject: [YCPIOTB] I Love This Analogy!
> > To: "southsidehitmen" <SouthsideHitmen@ yahoogroups. com>,
> > "whitesoxfanatics" <WhiteSoxFanatics@ yahoogroups. com>,
> > "youcanputitonthebo ard"
<YouCanPutItOnTheBoa rd@yahoogroups. com>
> > Date: Wednesday, October 29, 2008, 6:24 PM
> >
> > A little background, I have been going through a divorce for
the
> > last couple of years. Don't worry that's not what this is
about.
> >
> > I belong to support message boards also in Yahoogroups.
Someone on
> > the message was wondering about alimony in New Jersey. I
Googled
> > it and found some information for her.
> >
> > Now mind you this is New Jersey information. Here is part of
what
> > it said:
> >
> > "Many courts and panels have tried to formulate alimony
> > guidelines. However, this goal is very similar to the Cubs
quest
> > to win the World Series. It just will never happen!"
> >
> > How funny is that? Even in Jersey they know it will never
happen.
> > I just had to share.
> >
> > Marilyn
> >
> >
> >
>



#21733 From: saul pulido <temohead@...>
Date: Fri Oct 31, 2008 7:50 am
Subject: Re: Eric Hinske
gonnabemores...
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
""""" Finally Jamie Moyer wins and with his hometown team too.  He isn't so bad for a 45 year old lol>"""""
 
45?  He's a baby compared to Contreras......now when Moyer can collect Social Securtiy, carry a flask of Meta Muesal, use a walker, carry a mini-oxygen tank with him and still pitch lights-out like(ala Ozzie fav) Contreras...then he will be in the upper echelon of over-the-hill pitchers. Until then he's just a rookie in the Senior Citizen Recycle Association of Bad Pitchers.
 
God Bless Contreras.  I wish him a speedy recovery so he can return to the Sox pitching rotation and provide the team with another 15 -18 loss season.


#21732 From: Joan <joan710@...>
Date: Fri Oct 31, 2008 3:01 am
Subject: White Sox GM Ken Williams staying mum
Joan710
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 

White Sox GM Ken Williams staying mum

Fields likely to get Crede's old job; Ramirez to short

White Sox general manager Ken Williams is declining to reveal his wish list for next week's general managers meetings. He believes his objectives became too public last year and prevented him from completing deals.

But after a series of moves Thursday, it's apparent the White Sox will be a retooled team next season.

It looks as if the Sox will have a new left side of the infield, with Alexei Ramirez moving from second base to shortstop to take Orlando Cabrera's spot and Josh Fields taking over for Joe Crede at third base — for now.

Ramirez's move opens a spot at second, where recently signed Jayson Nix will compete with left-handed-hitting Chris Getz unless the Sox make another move.

The Sox also will need a backup catcher after declining to pick up the $2.25 million option on Toby Hall, who will receive a $150,000 buyout.

They could seek more infield help because Crede and Juan Uribe have filed for free agency. Uribe lost his starting job at second but provided solid fielding at third after Crede missed most of the final two months because of recurring back problems. Uribe could receive more playing time with a team like San Francisco.

These developments, along with the expected $4 million buyout for center fielder Ken Griffey Jr., surfaced on the first day eligible players could file for free agency.

The Sox have 13 players signed for 2009 at about $97 million, but Williams appears determined to be creative starting next week when he, assistant GM Rick Hahn and director of baseball operations Dan Fabian begin meetings with executives from the 29 other teams in Dana Point, Calif.

"I'm not going to comment on rumors or scuttlebutt," Williams said, already aware of speculation about the Sox's perceived interest in the Los Angeles Angels' Chone Figgins and Arizona free-agent second baseman Orlando Hudson.

The Sox apparently have ended their association with Crede, 30, whose back troubles eventually overshadowed his usually dependable defense and clutch hitting.

Crede's 113 home runs since 2003 were the third most for an American League third baseman during that span, and he was named to the 2008 AL All-Star team.

But he played his final game with the Sox on Sept. 2, about six weeks after initially being placed on the disabled list because of back stiffness.

Unless the Sox make a trade or sign a free agent, Fields will start at third. Fields hit 23 home runs in 100 games in 2007 after Crede was lost for nearly the final four months because of back surgery.

But the Sox couldn't trade Crede last spring, and Fields was relegated to Triple-A Charlotte, where he coped with a knee injury and fielding problems.

"I have all the confidence that a healthy Josh Fields will give us what we need at third base," Williams said.

Nix, 26, lost the second base job with Colorado after only 56 at-bats but rebounded to hit .303 with 17 home runs in 67 games at Triple-A Colorado Springs. Nix is a highly regarded fielder who can play other infield positions.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/baseball/whitesox/chi-31-white-sox-chicagooct31,0,4417740.story

 
 
 
 


#21731 From: "JOAN" <joan710@...>
Date: Fri Oct 31, 2008 1:45 am
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] I Love This Analogy!
Joan710
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
Hey...hey, watch it there.


Joan




--- In YouCanPutItOnTheBoard@yahoogroups.com, Greg Freedman
<greg@...> wrote:
>
> What do you call a lawyer at the bottom of the ocean?
>
>
> A good start.
>
>
> Sorry to any lawyers out there.  These views are not necessarily
those
> of the emailer or his affiliates...
>
> saul pulido wrote:
> >
> > """"A little background, I have been going through a divorce for
the
> > last couple of years""""
> >
> > 2 yrs??  Looks like the lawyers are good at the 'hit and
run'.....hit
> > the client for more money and get another court date so they can
hit
> > the client again for more moolah.  Divorce lawyers.....what a
scam.
> >
> > Lawyer joke:
> > Two men are fishing in the sea.....one is a lawyer and the other
a
> > priest....a wave tilts the boat and they both fall over the
side....as
> > they struggle under water a huge shark approaches the two men.
> > Both men quickly say their  last prayers.....then just as the
shark
> > opens his mouth to bite into the lawyer, he suddenly closes his
mouth,
> > nods at the lawyer, swims past him and bites the
priest.......what
> > happened?
> >
> > The shark calls it 'professional courtesy'.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > --- On *Wed, 10/29/08, Marilyn Adams /<madams1954@...>/* wrote:
> >
> >     From: Marilyn Adams <madams1954@...>
> >     Subject: [YCPIOTB] I Love This Analogy!
> >     To: "southsidehitmen" <SouthsideHitmen@yahoogroups.com>,
> >     "whitesoxfanatics" <WhiteSoxFanatics@yahoogroups.com>,
> >     "youcanputitontheboard"
<YouCanPutItOnTheBoard@yahoogroups.com>
> >     Date: Wednesday, October 29, 2008, 6:24 PM
> >
> >     A little background, I have been going through a divorce for
the
> >     last couple of years. Don't worry that's not what this is
about.
> >
> >     I belong to support message boards also in Yahoogroups.
Someone on
> >     the message was wondering about alimony in New Jersey. I
Googled
> >     it and found some information for her.
> >
> >     Now mind you this is New Jersey information. Here is part of
what
> >     it said:
> >
> >     "Many courts and panels have tried to formulate alimony
> >     guidelines. However, this goal is very similar to the Cubs
quest
> >     to win the World Series. It just will never happen!"
> >
> >     How funny is that? Even in Jersey they know it will never
happen.
> >     I just had to share.
> >
> >     Marilyn
> >
> >
> >
>

#21730 From: "Mark Phillips" <markp8867@...>
Date: Thu Oct 30, 2008 7:40 pm
Subject: White Sox decline option on Griffey, Hall
markp8867
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
Thank God!  Kind of a stupid trade in the first place if you ask me. 
 

White Sox decline option on Griffey

CHICAGO (AP)—Ken Griffey Jr.'s $16.5 million option was declined Thursday by the Chicago White Sox, making the No. 5 home run hitter in major league history eligible for free agency.

Griffey is owed a $4 million buyout, which completes a $116.5 million, nine-year contract that he agreed to with the Cincinnati Reds before the 2000 season.

The 38-year old hit a combined .249 with 18 homers and 71 RBIs in 143 games last season for the Reds and the White Sox. Griffey batted .260 with three homers and 18 RBIs in 41 games with the White Sox, who acquired him July 31 in a trade that sent right-hander Nick Masset and infielder Danny Richar to Cincinnati.

Griffey went 2-for-10 in the AL playoffs as the White Sox were beaten in four games by the Tampa Bay Rays. He underwent arthroscopic surgery on his left knee this month to repair torn meniscus and torn cartilage, a condition that affected his power numbers.

Griffey passed Sammy Sosa for fifth on the home-run list last season and has 611, trailing only Barry Bonds (762), Hank Aaron (755), Babe Ruth (714) and Willie Mays (660). Griffey is 18th with 1,772 RBIs.

Chicago also declined a $2.25 million option on backup catcher Toby Hall, who batted .260 with two homers in 41 games last season. He gets a $150,000 buyout.

Chicago also agreed to a one-year contract with free agent infielder Jayson Nix, who spent most of last season with the Colorado Rockies' Triple-A farm club at Colorado Springs. Nix played in 22 games with the Rockies, batting .125 after opening the season as the starter at second base.

Nix gets $400,000 in the majors and $70,000 in the minors.


#21729 From: Greg Freedman <greg@...>
Date: Thu Oct 30, 2008 1:21 pm
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] I Love This Analogy!
tamsgaf
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
What do you call a lawyer at the bottom of the ocean?


A good start.


Sorry to any lawyers out there.  These views are not necessarily those of the emailer or his affiliates...

saul pulido wrote:

""""A little background, I have been going through a divorce for the last couple of years""""
 
2 yrs??  Looks like the lawyers are good at the 'hit and run'.....hit the client for more money and get another court date so they can hit the client again for more moolah.  Divorce lawyers.....what a scam.
 
Lawyer joke:
Two men are fishing in the sea.....one is a lawyer and the other a priest....a wave tilts the boat and they both fall over the side....as they struggle under water a huge shark approaches the two men.
Both men quickly say their  last prayers.....then just as the shark opens his mouth to bite into the lawyer, he suddenly closes his mouth, nods at the lawyer, swims past him and bites the priest.......what happened?
 
The shark calls it 'professional courtesy'.
 
 


--- On Wed, 10/29/08, Marilyn Adams <madams1954@gmail.com> wrote:
From: Marilyn Adams <madams1954@gmail.com>
Subject: [YCPIOTB] I Love This Analogy!
To: "southsidehitmen" <SouthsideHitmen@yahoogroups.com>, "whitesoxfanatics" <WhiteSoxFanatics@yahoogroups.com>, "youcanputitontheboard" <YouCanPutItOnTheBoard@yahoogroups.com>
Date: Wednesday, October 29, 2008, 6:24 PM

A little background, I have been going through a divorce for the last couple of years. Don't worry that's not what this is about.
 
I belong to support message boards also in Yahoogroups. Someone on the message was wondering about alimony in New Jersey. I Googled it and found some information for her.
 
Now mind you this is New Jersey information. Here is part of what it said:
 
"Many courts and panels have tried to formulate alimony guidelines. However, this goal is very similar to the Cubs quest to win the World Series. It just will never happen!"
 
How funny is that? Even in Jersey they know it will never happen. I just had to share.
 
Marilyn


#21728 From: newworldsamurai@...
Date: Thu Oct 30, 2008 12:48 pm
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] Eric Hinske
thefuryofpur...
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
I've always liked Brad Lidge so I was happy for him. As far as Joe Maddon goes, I think he's probably the best manager in baseball right now. Loser Lou could never have gotten those results with the Rays, despite their high ceiling of talent.

BR

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry


From: "Mark Phillips" <markp8867@...>
Date: Thu, 30 Oct 2008 06:24:14 -0600
To: <YouCanPutItOnTheBoard@yahoogroups.com>
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] Eric Hinske

I was wondering when Brad Lidge was pitching if the words "Scott Podsednik" were going through his head lol.  Finally Jamie Moyer wins and with his hometown team too.  He isn't so bad for a 45 year old lol.  I expect Mark Buehrle to have a similar career, maybe retiring with the Cardinals when they win a World Series. 

Overall it was a good half-a-game last night.  I thought Joe  Maddon did a great job of coaching his team up until last night where he made several critical errors.  At least he did a better job of coaching that team to the next level then Lou Piniella did.

 
On Wed, Oct 29, 2008 at 8:08 PM, <newworldsamurai@sbcglobal.net> wrote:

How awesome is this for Brad Lidge after we sent his career into a tailspin? Or Jamie moyer? No matter what any thinks about any team, seeing players celebrate like that is neat to see.

BR

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry


From: Joan <joan710@yahoo.com>
Date: Wed, 29 Oct 2008 19:02:38 -0700 (PDT)
To: <southsidehitmen@yahoogroups.com>; <whitesoxfanatics@yahoogroups.com>; <youcanputitontheboard@yahoogroups.com>
Subject: [YCPIOTB] Eric Hinske

It's really really bad to be the last out of any baseball game.  But to be the last out of the World Series?  Remember Eric Hinske's name.
 
Congrats to the Phillies.
 
Glad this 2008 season has finally come to an end.
 
Aaron Rowand is a bigger dumb-ass now.
 
 
Joan

 
 
 
 



#21727 From: "Mark Phillips" <markp8867@...>
Date: Thu Oct 30, 2008 12:24 pm
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] Eric Hinske
markp8867
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
I was wondering when Brad Lidge was pitching if the words "Scott Podsednik" were going through his head lol.  Finally Jamie Moyer wins and with his hometown team too.  He isn't so bad for a 45 year old lol.  I expect Mark Buehrle to have a similar career, maybe retiring with the Cardinals when they win a World Series. 

Overall it was a good half-a-game last night.  I thought Joe  Maddon did a great job of coaching his team up until last night where he made several critical errors.  At least he did a better job of coaching that team to the next level then Lou Piniella did.

 
On Wed, Oct 29, 2008 at 8:08 PM, <newworldsamurai@...> wrote:

How awesome is this for Brad Lidge after we sent his career into a tailspin? Or Jamie moyer? No matter what any thinks about any team, seeing players celebrate like that is neat to see.

BR

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry


From: Joan <joan710@...>
Date: Wed, 29 Oct 2008 19:02:38 -0700 (PDT)
To: <southsidehitmen@yahoogroups.com>; <whitesoxfanatics@yahoogroups.com>; <youcanputitontheboard@yahoogroups.com>
Subject: [YCPIOTB] Eric Hinske

It's really really bad to be the last out of any baseball game.  But to be the last out of the World Series?  Remember Eric Hinske's name.
 
Congrats to the Phillies.
 
Glad this 2008 season has finally come to an end.
 
Aaron Rowand is a bigger dumb-ass now.
 
 
Joan

 
 
 
 



#21726 From: "Mark Phillips" <markp8867@...>
Date: Thu Oct 30, 2008 12:20 pm
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] Eric Hinske
markp8867
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
Yeah you have to wonder about people like that.  Aaron Rowand switching teams, Tiki Barber and Don Mattingly retiring one year too soon, Magglio Ordonez going to the Tigers.  HAHAHA to all of them!!


 
On Wed, Oct 29, 2008 at 8:02 PM, Joan <joan710@...> wrote:

It's really really bad to be the last out of any baseball game.  But to be the last out of the World Series?  Remember Eric Hinske's name.
 
Congrats to the Phillies.
 
Glad this 2008 season has finally come to an end.
 
Aaron Rowand is a bigger dumb-ass now.
 
 
Joan

 
 
 
 



#21725 From: newworldsamurai@...
Date: Thu Oct 30, 2008 2:08 am
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] Eric Hinske
thefuryofpur...
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
How awesome is this for Brad Lidge after we sent his career into a tailspin? Or Jamie moyer? No matter what any thinks about any team, seeing players celebrate like that is neat to see.

BR

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry


From: Joan <joan710@...>
Date: Wed, 29 Oct 2008 19:02:38 -0700 (PDT)
To: <southsidehitmen@yahoogroups.com>; <whitesoxfanatics@yahoogroups.com>; <youcanputitontheboard@yahoogroups.com>
Subject: [YCPIOTB] Eric Hinske

It's really really bad to be the last out of any baseball game.  But to be the last out of the World Series?  Remember Eric Hinske's name.
 
Congrats to the Phillies.
 
Glad this 2008 season has finally come to an end.
 
Aaron Rowand is a bigger dumb-ass now.
 
 
Joan

 
 
 
 


#21724 From: Joan <joan710@...>
Date: Thu Oct 30, 2008 2:02 am
Subject: Eric Hinske
Joan710
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
It's really really bad to be the last out of any baseball game.  But to be the last out of the World Series?  Remember Eric Hinske's name.
 
Congrats to the Phillies.
 
Glad this 2008 season has finally come to an end.
 
Aaron Rowand is a bigger dumb-ass now.
 
 
Joan

 
 
 
 


#21723 From: "John Kivlin" <jkivlin@...>
Date: Thu Oct 30, 2008 1:03 am
Subject: RE: [YCPIOTB] Re: Free Tacos until 6pm!
johnk5150
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
Taco and Burrito Place at Diversey and Racine is the bomb.
 
 
 
 
-----Original Message-----
From: Ray [mailto:manta_ray4121@...]
Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 7:32 PM
To: YouCanPutItOnTheBoard@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [YCPIOTB] Re: Free Tacos until 6pm!

-The tacos at Jack In The Box are better. Filled with "mystery
meat" and enough grease to soak the bag before you make it home.
The ultimate taco!!

-- In YouCanPutItOnTheBoard@yahoogroups.com, "John Kivlin"
<jkivlin@...> wrote:
>
> I love free diarrhea.
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Mark Phillips [mailto:markp8867@...]
> Sent: Tuesday, October 28, 2008 3:21 PM
> To: youcanputitontheboard
> Subject: [YCPIOTB] Free Tacos until 6pm!
>
>
>
> Don't forget to get your free taco at Taco Bell until 6pm.
Or
> better yet forget it and eat something better for you lol.
>


#21722 From: "Ray" <manta_ray4121@...>
Date: Thu Oct 30, 2008 12:32 am
Subject: Re: Free Tacos until 6pm!
thechihawk
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
-The tacos at Jack In The Box are better.  Filled with "mystery
meat" and enough grease to soak the bag before you make it home.
The ultimate taco!!



-- In YouCanPutItOnTheBoard@yahoogroups.com, "John Kivlin"
<jkivlin@...> wrote:
>
> I love free diarrhea.
>
>
>
>  -----Original Message-----
>  From: Mark Phillips [mailto:markp8867@...]
>  Sent: Tuesday, October 28, 2008 3:21 PM
>  To: youcanputitontheboard
>  Subject: [YCPIOTB] Free Tacos until 6pm!
>
>
>
>  Don't forget to get your free taco at Taco Bell until 6pm.
Or
> better yet forget it and eat something better for you lol.
>

#21721 From: "Marilyn Adams" <madams1954@...>
Date: Wed Oct 29, 2008 11:46 pm
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] I Love This Analogy!
mysox4evr
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
Saul,
 
It's been 2 years since he said the words and it all started. Labor Day actually. The actual divorce was over in a little over a year from when he filed. The nightmare continues.
 
Love the joke, thanks.
 
Marilyn

On Wed, Oct 29, 2008 at 6:37 PM, saul pulido <temohead@...> wrote:

""""A little background, I have been going through a divorce for the last couple of years""""
 
2 yrs??  Looks like the lawyers are good at the 'hit and run'.....hit the client for more money and get another court date so they can hit the client again for more moolah.  Divorce lawyers.....what a scam.
 
Lawyer joke:
Two men are fishing in the sea.....one is a lawyer and the other a priest....a wave tilts the boat and they both fall over the side....as they struggle under water a huge shark approaches the two men.
Both men quickly say their  last prayers.....then just as the shark opens his mouth to bite into the lawyer, he suddenly closes his mouth, nods at the lawyer, swims past him and bites the priest.......what happened?
 
The shark calls it 'professional courtesy'.
 
 


--- On Wed, 10/29/08, Marilyn Adams <madams1954@...> wrote:
From: Marilyn Adams <madams1954@...>
Subject: [YCPIOTB] I Love This Analogy!
To: "southsidehitmen" <SouthsideHitmen@yahoogroups.com>, "whitesoxfanatics" <WhiteSoxFanatics@yahoogroups.com>, "youcanputitontheboard" <YouCanPutItOnTheBoard@yahoogroups.com>
Date: Wednesday, October 29, 2008, 6:24 PM


A little background, I have been going through a divorce for the last couple of years. Don't worry that's not what this is about.
 
I belong to support message boards also in Yahoogroups. Someone on the message was wondering about alimony in New Jersey. I Googled it and found some information for her.
 
Now mind you this is New Jersey information. Here is part of what it said:
 
"Many courts and panels have tried to formulate alimony guidelines. However, this goal is very similar to the Cubs quest to win the World Series. It just will never happen!"
 
How funny is that? Even in Jersey they know it will never happen. I just had to share.
 
Marilyn



#21720 From: saul pulido <temohead@...>
Date: Wed Oct 29, 2008 11:41 pm
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] Player of the Week Contest
gonnabemores...
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
How about also having a 'Muttonhead player of the Week'......for the numbskull player who makes the dumbest play of the week?

--- On Wed, 10/29/08, Mark Phillips <markp8867@...> wrote:
From: Mark Phillips <markp8867@...>
Subject: [YCPIOTB] Player of the Week Contest
To: YouCanPutItOnTheBoard@yahoogroups.com
Date: Wednesday, October 29, 2008, 3:43 PM

For the Player of the Week contest, I must confess I stopped keeping track of it for a couple of reasons.  First there was never any winner so it seemed like a boring contest to me and second the interest in the contest seemed to wane after June.  I also had some personal things going on (all good) in July and August that I had to deal with so it kind of fell to the wayside.  So I'm sorry for not making it better, maybe we can all come up with something new for next season.  Any ideas would be appreciated!
 
Anyway, I still want to award prizes to people who played.  So what I will do is for everyone who played I will enter them into a drawing to randomly win some prizes.  The more you played, the better chance you have at winning something.  The only rules are that you can only win once and must still be a member of the group.  I think the original prizes were kind of lame but I am coming up with some new and hopefully better ones.  I will let you know what those are and I will have the drawing sometime soon (within the next week or two).  Does that sound fair to everyone?


 
On Wed, Oct 22, 2008 at 7:26 PM, Ray <manta_ray4121@ msn.com> wrote:

But I just flashed on a thought. What happened to the "Player Of
The Week" contest? Seemed to dry up after July. Did anyone win?
What were the prizes?

 
.




#21719 From: saul pulido <temohead@...>
Date: Wed Oct 29, 2008 11:37 pm
Subject: Re: [YCPIOTB] I Love This Analogy!
gonnabemores...
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
""""A little background, I have been going through a divorce for the last couple of years""""
 
2 yrs??  Looks like the lawyers are good at the 'hit and run'.....hit the client for more money and get another court date so they can hit the client again for more moolah.  Divorce lawyers.....what a scam.
 
Lawyer joke:
Two men are fishing in the sea.....one is a lawyer and the other a priest....a wave tilts the boat and they both fall over the side....as they struggle under water a huge shark approaches the two men.
Both men quickly say their  last prayers.....then just as the shark opens his mouth to bite into the lawyer, he suddenly closes his mouth, nods at the lawyer, swims past him and bites the priest.......what happened?
 
The shark calls it 'professional courtesy'.
 
 


--- On Wed, 10/29/08, Marilyn Adams <madams1954@...> wrote:
From: Marilyn Adams <madams1954@...>
Subject: [YCPIOTB] I Love This Analogy!
To: "southsidehitmen" <SouthsideHitmen@yahoogroups.com>, "whitesoxfanatics" <WhiteSoxFanatics@yahoogroups.com>, "youcanputitontheboard" <YouCanPutItOnTheBoard@yahoogroups.com>
Date: Wednesday, October 29, 2008, 6:24 PM

A little background, I have been going through a divorce for the last couple of years. Don't worry that's not what this is about.
 
I belong to support message boards also in Yahoogroups. Someone on the message was wondering about alimony in New Jersey. I Googled it and found some information for her.
 
Now mind you this is New Jersey information. Here is part of what it said:
 
"Many courts and panels have tried to formulate alimony guidelines. However, this goal is very similar to the Cubs quest to win the World Series. It just will never happen!"
 
How funny is that? Even in Jersey they know it will never happen. I just had to share.
 
Marilyn


#21718 From: "Marilyn Adams" <madams1954@...>
Date: Wed Oct 29, 2008 11:24 pm
Subject: I Love This Analogy!
mysox4evr
Offline Offline
Send Email Send Email
 
A little background, I have been going through a divorce for the last couple of years. Don't worry that's not what this is about.
 
I belong to support message boards also in Yahoogroups. Someone on the message was wondering about alimony in New Jersey. I Googled it and found some information for her.
 
Now mind you this is New Jersey information. Here is part of what it said:
 
"Many courts and panels have tried to formulate alimony guidelines. However, this goal is very similar to the Cubs quest to win the World Series. It just will never happen!"
 
How funny is that? Even in Jersey they know it will never happen. I just had to share.
 
Marilyn

#21717 From: "Mark Phillips" <markp8867@...>
Date: Wed Oct 29, 2008 8:43 pm
Subject: Player of the Week Contest
markp8867
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For the Player of the Week contest, I must confess I stopped keeping track of it for a couple of reasons.  First there was never any winner so it seemed like a boring contest to me and second the interest in the contest seemed to wane after June.  I also had some personal things going on (all good) in July and August that I had to deal with so it kind of fell to the wayside.  So I'm sorry for not making it better, maybe we can all come up with something new for next season.  Any ideas would be appreciated!
 
Anyway, I still want to award prizes to people who played.  So what I will do is for everyone who played I will enter them into a drawing to randomly win some prizes.  The more you played, the better chance you have at winning something.  The only rules are that you can only win once and must still be a member of the group.  I think the original prizes were kind of lame but I am coming up with some new and hopefully better ones.  I will let you know what those are and I will have the drawing sometime soon (within the next week or two).  Does that sound fair to everyone?


 
On Wed, Oct 22, 2008 at 7:26 PM, Ray <manta_ray4121@...> wrote:


But I just flashed on a thought. What happened to the "Player Of
The Week" contest? Seemed to dry up after July. Did anyone win?
What were the prizes?


 

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