From:  Save My Stool AKA Red Dress Mistress

First Anal Tri-Hash Along – Saturday August 7^th

Stretch Me, Pith Me, Dude, Stool have been planning this for THREE years!!

Due to your outstanding athletic accomplishments (All Most Some None were verifiable) you are invited, (actually no one with a life would RSVP), to participate in the First Anal Tri-Hash Along.

Your uncanny ability to avoid broken bones, poison oak, biting dogs and angry homeowners have proven you out to be the type of Ass-et we want to represent our event.

This event should prove itself to be quite challenging.  Here is a breakdown of each portion of the event:

Swim Portion (Difficulty – Powder Puff)

Participants are required to get in the water.  Actual swimming is not required, however other stuff may be.  Self-started jacuzzi’s will not be permitted.

Bike Portion (Difficulty – even Humpers can do this ride)

Participants will retrieve bicycles from the staging area, preferably their own.  Each will follow a course planned with such clarity, it will be as if Helen Keller herself had thrown it down.

Run/Walk Portion (Difficulty – Christopher Reeves could do this)

At this point, bicycles will be placed in a secured area w/participant run bags, providing approximately 20 minutes of unsupervised rummaging time for the support staff.  The run/walk will begin and end at this point.

Entire Route:

Several “refreshment” checks (and other surprises) will await you on your quest.

Panoramic views are one of the many items not included with the package

The event start will begin promptly at 10 AM, at the Spring Valley Aquatics Center at 108 Campo Road, just off State Route 94.  TB ????  ??  (Directions and exit here)

As a courtesy to us, we would like you to consider the following while making your decision to attend.

Is this a Hash related event?                Yes.  People with lives will not be in attendance.

Do I really want to do this?  Sure, where else can you run and ride in 90 degree heat.            

Will I endure the pain?  Unfortunately for the hosts, you will probably make it to the end.

Will it be long?  Just ask any man this question, then divide by 4.

Will it be easy?  As much so as a woman, hanging in a tree with no arms or legs.

Will it be competitive?  For some, maybe, but with us, everyone is a winner.

Will it be fun?                      Only your attendance can ensure that!

What about relay teams?  If you’re lazy, you can split up the portions with other whankers.

What is the entry fee?                A mere $10

Each participant will be presented a medal of accomplishment when they cross the finish line.

Beer and other liquids, along with food will be served at the event ending.  Swimming pool and Jacuzzi are available immediately after taking in food and drink to increase the likely hood of cramping.

 We would certainly appreciate and welcome your attendance!  Please respond to this email and let us know if you will be attending.  If you choose not to attend, will be forced to offer admission to some other Hash person less capable than yourself.