The Crew of Cotton Planet wishes you a Blessed Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Twins Separated at Birth!!!!!

Pls let me know if you wanna take over this flight.  Will cancel by Thurs if no takers.

regards,

richard chee...manager...r. meyson marketing pte ltd

994 bendemeer rd...#06-06...singapore 339943

t...65 62920070  f...65 62922515  m...65 96150551

skype id...richardnicolaus64   e... richard@...       website... www.cottonplanet.com.sg

Anyone interested, pls sign up directly with the organizer. 

Date: Sun, 19 Oct 2008 20:59:54 -0700
From: jastan290173@...
Subject: Fw: WARNING FROM POLICE RAJA-DI MALAYSIA
To: teeboys@...

----- Forwarded by Kah Wei Choo/BMI/BBRAUN on 10/20/2008 09:38 AM -----        

What a sad world we live in....     :  Please read - notice on car (not a joke)  Warning ....!!!!  

Just last weekend on Friday night we parked in a public parking area. As we drove away I noticed a sticker on the rear window of the car. 

When I took it off after I got home, it was a receipt for gas. Luckily my friend told me not to stop as it could be someone waiting for me to get out of the car. 

Then we received this email yesterday: "'WARNING FROM POLICE - BEWARE OF PAPER ON THE BACK WINDOW OF YOUR VEHICLE    

--NEW WAY TO DO CARJACKINGS' (NOT A JOKE)  Heads up everyone! Please, keep this circulating... You walk across the parking lot, unlock your car and get inside.  

You start the engine and shift into Reverse.  When you look into the rearview mirror to back out of your parking space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window. 

So, you shift into Park, unlock your doors, and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view. When you reach the back of your car, 

that is when the carjackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off. They practically mow you down as they speed off in your car.  And guess what, especially ladies? 

I bet your purse is still in the car.  So now the carjacker has your car, your home   address, your money, and your keys. Your home and your whole identity are now compromised!    

BEWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED.  If you see a piece of paper stuck to your back window, just drive  away .   

Remove the paper later. And be thankful that you read this e-mail. I hope you will forward this to friends and family, especially to women. A purse contains all kinds of; 

personal information and identification  documents, and you certainly do NOT want this to fall into the wrong hands.    

 Please keep this going   

 

Hi SMART.com kakis,

Please be informed that we have postponed the SMART.com 11 to 6 December 2008, Sat.

We hope to have your support with the new date.

For registration, you may send your details to Mr Tan Gim Hoo, Raymond or Tai Hwee Tiong.

Register early to avoid disappointment and early bird will get the goody bag!

Thank you.



Cheers
Alan Koh

SMART.com Challenge 11

The SMART.com challenge 11 will be held at the Pulai Course on Saturday 1st November 2008 morning. The rate is $60 for Pulai Springs Member which includes buggy, lunch, lucky draw prizes and Goodies bag for first 50 who sign up. Please register by email your details to Gim Hoo at [gimhoo_tan@...]

a.      Name:

b.      Membership number:

c.      Handicap:

d.      Mobile number:

e.      Email address:

f.       T-shirt size:


The closing date for registration is 27th September. Further information (including program, pairing list, tee time and rules) will be sent to your email address provided. For non-email user or further clarification, please contact:
Tan Gim Hoo@97956295/ Tai Hwee Tiong@90184011/Raymond Goh@96368375


Best regards,
Organizing Committee
 
 

Ah Beng, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire
himself out as a handyman and started canvassing a
wealthy neighborhood. He went to the front door of the
first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for
him to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much
will you charge?" Beng said "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told him that the paint and ladders
that he might need were in the garage. The man's wife,
inside the house, heard the conversation and said to
her husband, "Does he realize that the porch goes all
the way around the house?" The man replied, "He
should. He was standing on the porch." A short time
later, Ah Beng came to the door to collect his money.
"You're finished
already?" he asked. "Yes," Ah Beng answered, "and I
had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," Ah Beng added, "that's not a Porch,
it's a Fellali."

 

Must see !

Dear Fella Golfers,

I’ve a friend who’s looking to buy or get assignment to a PSGCC membership.  Any offers ?

regards,

richard chee...manager...r. meyson marketing pte ltd

994 bendemeer rd...#06-06...singapore 339943

t...65 62920070  f...65 62922515  m...65 96150551

skype id...richardnicolaus64   e... richard@...       website... www.cottonplanet.com.sg

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the
woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back
later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver
hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social
Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability too'.

And then the fight started.....

***************************************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My goodness!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started.....

************************************************************************** I
Rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and
slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just
seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT F**KING
HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started.....

****************************************************************************
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not pleased with what she sees and says to her husband,

'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'

And then the fight started........

A Scotsman was heading out to the pub and turned to his wee wife before leaving...
'Jackie - put your hat and coat on lassie.'
'Awe John that's nice - are you taking me to the pub with you?'
'Nah, just switching the central heating off while I'm oot.'
 
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
 
A very popular man dies in Aberdeen and his old widow wishes to tell all his friends at once, so she goes to the Aberdeen Evening Express and says 'I'd like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband'
The man at the desk says 'OK, how much money dae ye have?'
The old woman replies ' 5 Pound' to which the man says 'Ye wont get many words for that but write something and we'll see if it's ok'
So the old woman writes something and hands it over the counter.
The man reads 'Peter Reid, fae Kincorth, deid'
He feels sad at the abruptness of the statement and encourages the old woman to write a few more things, saying 'I think we cud allow 3 or 4 more words fer ye money.'
The old woman ponders and then adds a few more words and hand the paper over the counter again.
The man then reads 'Peter Reid, fae Kincorth, deid. Ford Escort for sale'......   
 

An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it  might be time for marriage. But before tying the knot, they went out for a heart to heart talk over dinner about whether it would really work out.
They discussed finances, living arrangements, snoring, and so on. Finally, the gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about s*x?" he asked, rather trustingly.
"Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say that I would like it infrequently."
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then looking over his glasses, he casually asked, "Was that one word or two?"

 

New Lingerie

Husband walks into Ann Summers to purchase some see-through lingerie for
his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in
price, the more see-through, the higher the price.

He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie
home. Presenting it to his wife, he asks her to go upstairs, put it on and
model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so see-through that it
might as well be nothing. I'll not put it on, do the modelling naked and
return it tomorrow and get a £150 refund for myself".

So she appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.

The husband says, "My God! It wasn't that creased in the shop!"
His funeral is on Thursday ...

---------------------------------------------

These are from a book called Disorder in the American
Courts, and are things people actually said in court,
word for word, taken down and now published by court
reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.
_______________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of
something you forgot?
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said
to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person
dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the
next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old,
how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was  taken?
WITNESS:   Is this a trick question?

________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh..... I was getting laid!
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I
need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning
pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your
attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead
people. Would you like to rephrase that?
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What
school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.      
Many Sydney folks did hear this on the Fox FM morning show in Sydney.      
                                                                           
The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is    
called 'Mate Match'. The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are      
married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers      
'yes', he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.    
                                                                           
The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner with phone  
number for verification. If their partner answers those same three        
questions correctly, they both win the prize.                              
                                                                           
The Harbour City dropped to its knees with laughter and is possibly the    
funniest thing you've heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down…      
                                                                           
DJ: 'Hey! This is Ed on Fox-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?'      
Contestant (laughing): 'Yes, I have.'                                      
DJ: 'Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if    
you win. What is your name? First only please.'                            
Contestant: 'Brian.'                                                      
DJ: 'Brian, are you married or what?'                                      
Brian (laughing nervously): 'Yes, I am married.'                          
DJ: 'Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please.'        
Brian: 'Sarah.'                                                            
DJ: 'Is Sarah at work, Brian?'                                            
Brian: 'She is gonna kill me.'                                            
DJ: 'Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?'                            
Brian (laughing): 'Yes, she's at work.'                                    
DJ: 'Okay, first question – when was the last time you had sex?'          
Brian: 'About 8 o'clock this morning.'                                    
DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'                                                    
Brian (laughing sheepishly): 'Well…'                                      
DJ: 'Question #2 – how long did it last?'                                  
Brian: 'About 10 minutes.'                                                
DJ: 'Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that
if a trip wasn't at stake.'                                                
Brian: 'Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.'                              
DJ: 'Okay, final question – where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this      
morning?'                                                                  
Brian (laughing hard): 'I, ummm, I, well…'                                
DJ: 'This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?'                            
Brian: 'Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for
couple of weeks…'                                                          
DJ: 'Uh-huh…'                                                              
Brian: '… and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time.'            
DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'                                                    
Brian: 'On the kitchen table.'                                            
DJ: 'Not that great? That is more adventure than the previous hundred      
times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's  
work number and call her up. You listen to this.'                          
                                                                           
[3 minutes of commercials follow]                                          
                                                                           
DJ: 'Okay audience. Let's call Sarah, shall we?' (touch tones… ringing…)  
Clerk: 'Kinkos.'                                                          
 DJ: 'Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?'                                
Clerk: 'This is she.'                                                      
DJ: 'Sarah, this is Ed with Fox-FM. We are live on the air right now and  
I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now.'                  
Sarah (laughing): 'A couple of hours?'                                    
DJ: 'Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give
any answers away or you'll lose. So… do you know the rules of 'Mate        
Match'?'                                                                  
Sarah: 'No.'                                                              
DJ: 'Good!'                                                                
(Brian laughing)                                                          
Sarah (laughing): 'Brian, what the hell are you up to?'                    
Brian (laughing): 'Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely
honest.'                                                                  
DJ: 'Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your
answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to the    
Gold Coast for 5 days on us.                                              
Sarah (laughing): 'Yes.'                                                  
DJ: 'Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?'                          
Sarah: 'Oh God, Brian… uh, this morning before Brian went to work.'        
DJ: 'What time?'                                                          
Sarah: 'Around 8 this morning.'                                            
DJ: 'Very good! Next question – how long did it last?'                    
Sarah: '12, 15 minutes maybe…'                                            
DJ: 'Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his    
manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away    
from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?'                            
Sarah (laughing): 'Yes.'                                                  
DJ: 'Where did you have it?'                                              
Sarah: 'Oh My God, Brian! You didn't tell them that did you?'              
Brian: 'Just tell him, honey.'                                            
DJ: 'What is bothering you so much, Sarah?'                                
Sarah: 'Well…'                                                            
DJ: Come on Sarah… where did you have it?                                  
Sarah: 'Up the arse…'                                                      
                                                                           
                                                                           
They had to call an ambulance for the DJ, he thought he was going to have  
a heart attack, he could not stop laughing. Apparently there was an        
unusually high call out of the Sydney Police just after this conversation,
for minor traffic collisions.                                              
                                                                           

I could not figure it out and had to look at the answer. See if you can
 figure out what these words have in common.
 
          Banana
          Dresser
          Grammar
          Potato
          Revive
          Uneven
          Assess
 
          Are you peeking or have you already given up?
 
          Give it another try . . .
 
        
          Go back and look at them again; think hard.
 
          OK . . . Here You Go . . . Hope You Didn't Cheat.
 
           
        |

|
|
|
|
|

      V








  Answer: No, it is not that they all have at least 2 double  letters.   (Thought I had the answer, but I did not go far enough.)
 
          In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place  it at  the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will  be the same word.
 
          Did you figure it out? Even if you didn't, don't worry.  Just send it to more people and stump them; then, you'll feel better, too.
 
 

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals,

a Lion , a Chimpanzee , a Giraffe, and a Squirrel , who pass by.

They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.

Who do you guess will win?

Your answer will reflect your personality. So think carefully . . ..

Try and answer within 30 seconds Got your answer?

Now scroll down to see the analysis. 

 
  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  
  
  
Lion = you're dull.

Chimpanzee = you're a moron.

Giraffe = you're a complete idiot.

Squirrel = you're just hopelessly stupid.

A COCONUT TREE DOESN'T HAVE BANANAS.

Obviously you're stressed and overworked.
You should take some time off and relax!
Try again next year.