Edmund was moderately successful golfer, but as he got older he was
increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. His golf, personal
hygiene and love life started to suffer, he managed to push on, but
when his game turned really sour he sought medical help. After being
referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across Dr. A
Els who solved the problem.

"The good news is I can cure your headaches, the bad news is that it
will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes
your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The
pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the
pressure and allow your swing to work again is to remove the
testicles.", said Dr A Els.

Edmund was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he has anything to
live for, but then figured at least he could play reasonable good
golf again, perhaps be a champion at the next SMART.com Challenge. He
decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the
hospital, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an
important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realised
that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning,
swing free, and live a new life. He went to the club for a drink and
as he walked past the Pro shop thought, "That's what I need: a new
outfit."

He entered the shop and told Alan, the salesman, "I'd like some new
golf slacks." Alan eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see . . .size 44
long." Edmund laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "It's my
job." Edmund tried on the slacks, they fitted perfectly. As Edmund
admired himself in the mirror, Alan asked, "How about a new shirt,
I've got some great new Nicklaus stock."

Edmund thought for a moment and then said, "Sure . ." . Alan eyed
Edmund and said,"Let's see. . .34 sleeve and . . . 16 and and half
neck" Edmund was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "It's
my job." Edmund tried on the shirt, and it fitted perfectly. As
Edmund adjusted the collar in the mirror, Alan asked, "How about new
shoes, we just got new stock with soft spikes" Edmund was on a roll
and agreed. Alan said, "Let's see. . .9 and a half. . . wide."

Edmund was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?" "It's my
job." Desmund tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Edmund
walked comfortably around the shop and Alan asked, "How about a new
hat?" Without hesitating, Edmund said, "Sure . . " Alan eyed Edmund's
head and said, "Let's see. . .7 5/8." Edmund was really
impressed, "That's right, how did you know?" "It's my job."

The hat fit perfectly. Edmund was feeling great, when Alan
asked, "How about some new underwear, got some great new designer
stock." Edmund thought for a second and said, "Sure . . ".  Alan
stepped back, eyed Edmund's waist and said, "Let's see. . size 36."
Edmund laughed, "Woahahaheee...No! Man, you've got it wrong this
time. I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old!"

Alan shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34 -  every time you
swing it would press your testicles up against the base of your spine
and give you one hell of a headache."

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very
Well waking up that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife
Would be pleasant and say, "happy birthday!", and
Possibly have a present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning,
let alone "happy birthday."

I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but
The kids will remember.
My kids came into breakfast and didn't say a word.

So when I left for the office, I was feeling
pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane
said, "good morning boss, happy birthday!" it felt a
little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked
on my door and said,
"you know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and
it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and
me."

I said, "thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day. Let's go!"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we
normally would go.
We dined instead at a little place with a private
table. We had two martinis each and i enjoyed the
meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said,
"you know, it's such a beautiful day... We don't
need to go back to the office, do we?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in
mind?"

She said, "let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me
and said, "boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into
the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back."

OK." I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of
minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday
cake...

Followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my
Friends and co-workers, all singing
"happy birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

Naked

A guy walks into a bar and notices a very large jar on the counter and sees
it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man guesses there must be
thousands of dollars in it.

He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well, here's the deal. You pay 10 dollars, and if you pass three tests, you
get all the money."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the
three tests?"

"Pay first," says the bartender. "Those are the rules."

So, the customer puts $10 into the jar.

"OK," the bartender says, "Here's what you need to do.
First, you have to drink an entire gallon of pepper tequila.
The whole thing, all at once, and you can't make a face.
Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth.
You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.
Third, there's a 90-year-old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm
during intercourse.
You've got to make things right for her."

The man is stunned. "I know I paid my 10 bucks, but I'm not an idiot. I
won't do it.
You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those
other things!"

"Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is."

The man has a few drinks, then a few more, then finally asks, "Wherrre's
zaat tequil-l-la?"
He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp.
Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face.
Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained up.
The people inside the bar hear a commotion, then they hear the pit bull
barking, and the guy screaming, then the pit bull yelping, and then silence.
Just when they think the man must be dead, he staggers back into he bar.
His shirt is ripped, and he has large, bloody scratches from head to toe.
"Now, he says, "where's the old woman with the sore tooth?"

Mr Chua Ah Wah had just finished reading the book, 'MAN OF THE
HOUSE'.

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said :

" From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house,
and my word is law !

I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I've
finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert.

Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax.

And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me
and comb my hair ? "

His wife replied : " The funeral director would be my guess. "

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could
go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out
in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as
you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD
to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you
couldn't
go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some
husbands...

First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids."
The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not
having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"
So up they went.

Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and
are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I
wonder what's further up?"

Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely
good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow,"
said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor,
so further up they went.

Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs,
love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework
and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried,
"Just think what must be awaiting us further on!

So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only
to prove that women are f**king impossible to please.
The exit is to your left, we hope you fall down the stairs."

Before his marriage, young Thomas took vacation every year.  He was
a golf addict and spent two weeks in Naples.

During one of his trips, he met a young & beautiful woman and fell
head over heels in love with her.

On the last night of his vacation, the two of them went for dinner
and had a serious talk about how they would continue their
relationship.

They agreed that total honesty was important so there would be "no
surprises" later that would destroy their love.

"It's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut," Thomas said to
his lady friend.

"I eat, sleep and breathe golf, so if that's a problem, you'd better
say so now."

"Well, if we're being honest with each other" she replied. "I'm a
hooker."

"I see," Thomas replied, and was quiet for a moment.

Then he added, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping
your wrists straight when you tee off.

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him
and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he
managed for sex.

"What's that?" he asked.

She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole
in trunk of tree.

"Horrified, she said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong! I will show
you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, laid down on
the ground, and spread her legs. "Here," she said, pointing, "You
must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loin-cloth, stepped closer, and then gave her an
almighty kick in the crotch.

Jane screamed and rolled around in agony for several minutes.

Eventually, she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"

"Tarzan always check for bees."

Mr Eric GEK was unable to give Mrs GEK any children. They decided to
use a surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Eric kissed his wife
and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon. I know it will be
weird but remember how much we want a family."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door ¡°Baby
Photographer¡±rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, madam. You don't know me but I've come to¡­."

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs GEK cut in.

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, Good! I've made a specialty
of babies, you know."

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
seat.

Just where do we start?" asked Mrs GEK, blushing.

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on
the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room
floor is fun too as you can really spread out."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Eric and
me."

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if
we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs GEK.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time.  I'd love to
be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that,
I'm sure."

"Don't I know it!" Mrs GEK exclaimed.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of
his Baby pictures. "This was done at the beach in East Coast."

"Oh, my God !" Mrs GEK exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider
their mother was so difficult to work with."

The photographer handed Mrs GEK the picture.

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs GEK.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get
the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep,
pushing to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs GEK, eyes wide in amazement.

"Yes," the photographer said, "and for more than three hours too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly
concentrate. Then darkness approached and I had to rush. Finally,
when the squirrels began sniffing on my equipment I just packed it
all in."

Mrs GEK leaned forward. "You mean they were actually sniffing
your,urhh....equipment?"

"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod
so that we can get to work."

"Tripod??" Mrs GEK looked extremely worried now.

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.  It's much too
big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action.

Madam? Madam?

My God, Mrs GEK fainted!

Hello,

This email message is a notification to let you know that
a file has been uploaded to the Files area of the SMART_dot_com
group.

   File        : /SMART COM (6) RESULT.xls
   Uploaded by : shyller1 <shyller1@...>
   Description : SMART.com 6 Golf Challenge Pulia Course

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shyller1 <shyller1@...>

A P1 teacher, Miss Shyller, was having trouble with one of her
students. The teacher asked, "Melvin, what's your problem?"

Melvin answered, "I'm too smart for P1. My sister is in P3 and I'm
smarter than she is! I think I should be in P3 too!"

Shyller had had enough. She took Melvin to the principal's office.

The principal told Shyller he would give the boy a test. If he
failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to P1 and
behave. She agreed.

Melvin was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and
he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 12 x 14?"

Melvin: "168".

Principal: "What is 26 x 22?"

Melvin: "572".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a P3
student should know.

The principal looks at Shyller and tells her, "I think Melvin can go
to P3."

Shyller says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Melvin both agreed.

Shyller asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Melvin, after a moment: "Legs."

"What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered, why she would ask such a question!

Melvin replied: "Pockets."

"What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Melvin: "Pants"

What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and
contains thin, whitish liquid?

Melvin: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

"What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the
answer.

Melvin: "Bubble gum"

"What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog
does on three legs?"
Melvin: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

"What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'CK' that means a lot of
heat and excitement?"

Melvin: "Firetruck"

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put
Melvin in P6, I got the last seven
questions wrong......

Hi Guys

I've posted two links with I believe will be useful for members
planning their trip to Pulai.  The first is the skycam on the
Causeway and 2nd Link. It will give you a visual check on the traffic
situation there.  The second is the weather forecast for JB.  It may
not be right all the time, but it gives you an idea for the chances
of rain.  It also provide current weather situation.


Skycam for traffic around Singapore

http://www.onemotoring.com.sg/publish/onemotoring/en/traffic/camera/wo
odlands

Weather Forecast for JB

http://www.wunderground.com/global/stations/48679.html

Cheers

An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for
two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a
pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this
to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari
stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with gray
hair, impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit, steps out of the car and
enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and
tells them, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.
However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll
take charge.

If a girl is born, I will bequeath her two retail stores, a townhouse, a
beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000
bank account.

If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on
the man's shoulder and tells him, "Then you try again."

Hello,

This email message is a notification to let you know that
a file has been uploaded to the Files area of the SMART_dot_com
group.

   File        : /golfvideo_-_Robin_Williams.WMV
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Year 1981


1. Prince Charles got married


2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe


3. Australia lost the Ashes


4. Pope Died






Year 2005


1. Prince Charles got married (again)


2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe (again)


3. Australia lost the Ashes


4. Pope Died






In future, if Prince Charles decides to re-marry and Liverpool wins


another European crown.... someone please warn the Pope :-) ...

Keep your swing compact

http://www.zippyvideos.com/3356961871810526/japanesegolf/

Have your own driving range

http://www.zippyvideos.com/9715375181719186/picture_026/

new golf ball

http://www.zippyvideos.com/92439268483845/adidas_soccer_kiss2/

but don't play too late into the evening

http://www.zippyvideos.com/184442378332955/golf_party/

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get
old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so
excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?"  "I'm four and a half!"  You're never thirty-six
and a half.  You're four and a half, going on five!  That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back.  You jump to
the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?"  "I'm gonna be 16!"  You could be 13, but hey,
you're gonna be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life . . .
you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . .
YOU BECOME 21.  YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30.  Oooohh, what happened there?  Makes you sound
like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out.  There's no fun
now, you're Just a sour-dumpling.  What's wrong?  What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.  Whoa!  Put on
the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50
and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!!  You MAKE it to 60.  You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-
by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT
lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.  And it doesn't end there.
Into the 90s,you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens.  If you make it over 100, you become a
little kid again.

"I'm 100 and a half!"
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and
height.  Let the doctors worry about them.  That is why you
pay "them "
2. Keep only cheerful friends.  The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning.  Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening,
whatever.  Never let the brain idle.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud.  Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen.  Endure, grieve, and move on.  The only person,
who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.  Be ALIVE while you
are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family,
pets ,keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.  Your home is
your refuge.
8. Cherish your health:  If it is good, preserve it.  If it is
unstable, improve it.  If it is beyond what you can improve, get
help.
9 Don't take guilt trips.  Take a trip to the mall, even to the next
county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every
opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the
moments that take our breath away....like a hole-in-one at sweet
valley.

Please be reminded that 28 Oct 05 is the deadline to register for the
pre-game night party scheduled on 9 Nov 05, from 7pm to 10pm.

To allow time for F&B preparation, kindly register early.

A Els

For those who are interested in the one day trip, here is the brief
itinerary:

- 0730 hrs Assemble at Harbour Front City.

- 0745 hrs Ferry to Batam

- 0745 hrs Arrive Batam (Batam Time)

- 0815 hrs 18 holes Golf game tee off at Southlink Golf Club

- 1245 hrs End of golf game

- 1300 hrs Lunch at sea food restaurant (cost sharing basis)

- 1430 hrs Traditional massages ($12 for 90 mins) or Shopping

- 1700 hrs Ferry to Singapore

- 1900 hrs Arrive Harbour Front City (Singapore Time)

Dear All,

Here is one more golf outing planned for all to enjoy.

We are targeting some 2 to 4 flights of golfing kakis for a 2D1N
golf outing on 3 & 4 Nov 05, at the Southlink Golf Club, Batam.

The cost per person is approximately S$200, inclusive of 1N hotel,
2x18-hole golf, buggy & caddy fee, ferry ticket, meals, drinks and
land transfer.

There are already 6 golfers who have expressed interest to join in
the fun.  If you are keen, please write to me by 21 Oct 05.


Cheers,
A Els

Information on South Links Golf Course-

South Links offers two courses in a resort setting complete with
bungalows, condominiums clubhouse, restaurants, conference
facilities and marina.

South Links is near the sea with natural streams transformed into
lakes and ponds to blend in with the sculpted fairways which embrace
the hills.

Both courses have numerous holes located along the coastline to
provide interest and challenge. The courses move from elevated
ground towards the luxuriant fairways just below then over hilltops
and onto islands.

It's a layout to ensure the proficient or beginner golfer can expect
to be challenged, stumped, teased, rewarded -- anything but bored.

A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a
most unusual funeral procession. A funeral coffin was followed by a
second one about 50 feet behind the first.

Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black
dog.  Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line.

The man couldn't stand his curiosity. He approached the man walking
with the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad
time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so
many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is it?"

The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife."

The inquisitive man asked, "What happened to her?"

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife
when the dog attacked and killed her also."

A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.

Then the first one asks in excitement "Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied "Please join the queue..."

A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Singapore Airlines
from Singapore to New York. The son who had been looking out the
window, turned to his mother and asked, "If dogs have baby dogs
and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"

The mother who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask
the pretty flight attendant. So the boy dutifully asked the flight
attendant,"If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't
planes have baby planes?"

The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask
me that?"

The little boy admitted that she did.

"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes
because Singapore Airlines always pulls out on time. Now, let your
mother explain that to you." !!

A westerner touring China had been told by his friends back home
that one could get really good bargains on cloths but need to be
very careful.

This gentleman went bargain-hunting and chanced upon a well-
established shop.

When he found a branded shirt that cost half the price of what was
being sold back home, he rubbed his hands in glee.

Having been warned of cheap shirts, he began to scrutinize the shirt
carefully and smiled when he saw a label that was sewn on the shirt.

It reads "Guarantee No Shrink".

Convinced that he had indeed found a great bargain, he went ahead
and bought half a dozen shirts. Back at the hotel, he took out the
shirts and sent them to the laundry.

He was eager to put them on and see some envious faces in his tour
group.

When the shirts returned from the hotel laundry, he was shock that
all of them had shrunk by at least three sizes !

He looked at the label again to assure himself that he had not read
it wrongly.

Yes, it clearly read : "GUARANTEE NO SHRINK".

He immediately took the shirts back to the shop and asked to see the
manager.

The manager came out, listened to his complaint and then calmly
pointed to the label and said : " You Westerners read from left to
right. We Chinese read from right to left."

RECORD VIRGIN!


A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.


On their wedding night, she told her new husband,
" Please be gentle ----- I'm still a virgin. "

" What ? " said the puzzled groom.
" How can that be if you've been married ten times ? "

" Well, husband #1 was a sales representative;
he kept telling me how great it was going to be. "

Husband #2 was in software services.
He was never really sure how it was supposed to function,
but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services.
He said everything checked out diagnostically,
but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing.
Even though he knew he had the order,
he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer.  He understood the basic process
but wanted three years to research, implement,
and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration.
He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or
not.

Husband #7 was in marketing.
Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.


Husband #8 was a psychiatrist.
All he ever did was talk about it.


Husband #9 was a gynecologist.
All he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector.
All he ever did was ......... Gosh ! I miss him !

But now that I've married you, I'm really excited ! "

" Good, " said the lawyer, " but, why ? "

" Darling, you're a lawyer.  So this time, I know I will surely get
screwed ! "

What Religion is Your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked
up to the woman behind the counter and said,  "I'd like to buy a bra
for my wife.

What type of bra?" asked the saleslady.

"Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?

"Look  around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in
every shape, size, color and material imaginable.

Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four
types of bras to choose from.

Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied:

There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and
the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between
them.

The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple...

The Catholic type supports the masses.

The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen.

The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and

The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.

Dear All SMART.com Golfing Kakis,

Please be advised that the SMART.com Golf Challenge (6) will be held
in the afternoon on 12 Nov 2005, Saturday.  Please mark your
calendar Now!

Venue:           Pulai Springs Resort
Course:          Melana
T-Time:          1:00pm onwards

Members of the Organizing Committee
Arthur Quek
Melvin Aw
Lee Kwek Kiong

Handicap Committee
Melvin Aw
Anthony Els
Alan Koh

Competition Format
Stroke Play & hole out

Tournament Trophy Winner
Overall Champion: Lowest Gross Score (One Winner)
Division A (Top 3 Lowest Net Score)
Division B (Top 3 Lowest Net Score)

Subject to the number of participants, respective handicaps for
Division A & B shall be determined by the Organizing Committee.  All
registered players will receive his/her handicap as determined by
the Handicap Committee in due course.

Fee: S$50
Inclusive of pre-game party with unlimited alcoholic drinks, snacks,
buggy fee, goodies bag, lucky draw prizes and post game dinner.

Ties
Official Count Back on gross score starting from hole-18 and in
descending order.

Bad Weather Contingency Plan
Should the occurrence of inclement weather result in the
competitors¡¯inability to complete 9 holes, the competition is
deemed to be cancelled.  All trophies shall be kept for the next
competition.  Lucky draw prizes will continue to be given away.

Pre-Game Night Party - 9 Nov 05 (Wed)-7pm to 10pm
A pre-game party will be held in the Tavern of the Asia Pacific
Breweries (Singapore) Pte Ltd located at 459 Jalan Ahmad Ibrahim,
Singapore 639934.

The party is fully sponsored by APB Singapore.  Free drinks and
snacks will be provided & served by the young and beautiful tiger
girls.  You can enjoy and be entertained by the very high tech
karaoke system, snooker & darts games.  This will be an excellent
platform for all SMART.com members to mingle around.

All goodies bags will be distributed in the Tavern.

Size of Polo Shirt
Subject to availability, all registered player will each receive an
elegantly designed SMART.com Polo Shirt.  Kindly advise your Asian T-
shirt size by 5pm, 12 Oct 05.

Sponsors
All sponsors are welcomed, in whatever form, value or quantity.  The
more the merrier.  All sponsors will be acknowledged.

Amendment
The Organizing Committee reserves the right to amend the Rules and
Regulations of the tournament from time to time as they deem fit and
all decisions made shall be final.

A boss walked into the office one morning not knowing that his
zipper is down, and his fly wide open. His secretary walked up to
him and said, "Boss this morning when you left your house, did you
close your garage door?"

This is not a phrase that her boss understood, so he went into his
office looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done with his paper
work, he suddenly notices that his zipper was not zipped up. He
zipped up and remembering what his secretary had told him, finally
understood. He then intentionally went out to ask a cup of coffee
from his secretary.

He was planning to have a little fun with her. When he reached her
desk,he said, "When you saw garage door open did you see my jaguar
park in there?"

The secretary smiles for a moment and said, "No, Boss I didn't. All
I saw was a Mini with 2 flat tyres."