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#54 From: SMART_dot_com@yahoogroups.com
Date: Fri Sep 16, 2005 3:44 pm
Subject: New file uploaded to SMART_dot_com
SMART_dot_com@yahoogroups.com
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Hello,

This email message is a notification to let you know that
a file has been uploaded to the Files area of the SMART_dot_com
group.

   File        : /onemillion-hokkien song.wma
   Uploaded by : sunzi8888 <sunzi8888@...>
   Description : Dedicated to those playing the HSBC Golf Challenge who are
dreaming of the hole-in-one

You can access this file at the URL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SMART_dot_com/files/onemillion-hokkien%20song.wma

To learn more about file sharing for your group, please visit:
http://help.yahoo.com/help/us/groups/files

Regards,

sunzi8888 <sunzi8888@...>

#53 From: SMART_dot_com@yahoogroups.com
Date: Mon Sep 12, 2005 4:03 pm
Subject: New file uploaded to SMART_dot_com
SMART_dot_com@yahoogroups.com
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Hello,

This email message is a notification to let you know that
a file has been uploaded to the Files area of the SMART_dot_com
group.

   File        : /Donkey.pps
   Uploaded by : sunzi8888 <sunzi8888@...>
   Description : man never understand woman

You can access this file at the URL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SMART_dot_com/files/Donkey.pps

To learn more about file sharing for your group, please visit:
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Regards,

sunzi8888 <sunzi8888@...>

#52 From: "Richard Chee" <richard@...>
Date: Fri Sep 2, 2005 3:12 am
Subject: blondie
richardnicol...
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A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up
and moves to the First Class Section and sits down.
The flight attendant asks to see her ticket. She tells the blonde that
her ticket is for Economy Class and that she will have to leave the First
Class Section

The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal,
and I'm staying right here!"

The flight attendant alerts the pilot and copilot of the situation.


The copilot tells the blonde that she will have to move back to Economy
Class.

The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal,
and I'm staying right here!"

The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police
waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.

The pilot says "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a
blonde. I speak 'blonde'!"

He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm
sorry," and moves back to her seat in the Economy section.

The flight attendant and copilot are amazed and ask him what he said
make her move without any fuss.

The pilot smiled. "I told her First Class isn't going to Montreal."


#51 From: SMART_dot_com@yahoogroups.com
Date: Mon Aug 29, 2005 6:42 am
Subject: New file uploaded to SMART_dot_com
SMART_dot_com@yahoogroups.com
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Hello,

This email message is a notification to let you know that
a file has been uploaded to the Files area of the SMART_dot_com
group.

   File        : /hell.bmp
   Uploaded by : shyller1 <shyller1@...>
   Description : Have you sinned?

You can access this file at the URL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SMART_dot_com/files/hell.bmp

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Regards,

shyller1 <shyller1@...>

#49 From: SMART_dot_com@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tue Aug 16, 2005 2:39 pm
Subject: New file uploaded to SMART_dot_com
SMART_dot_com@yahoogroups.com
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Hello,

This email message is a notification to let you know that
a file has been uploaded to the Files area of the SMART_dot_com
group.

   File        : /WOMAN.jpg
   Uploaded by : sunzi8888 <sunzi8888@...>
   Description : I finally figured it out mathematically --- Woman = ?

You can access this file at the URL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SMART_dot_com/files/WOMAN.jpg

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Regards,

sunzi8888 <sunzi8888@...>

#44 From: "Richard Chee" <richard@...>
Date: Wed Aug 10, 2005 7:14 am
Subject: 98% or 2%?
richardnicol...
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At the end of this message, you are asked a question. Answer it immediately. Don't stop and think about it. Just say the first thing that pops into your mind. 
    
This is a fun "test"... AND kind of spooky at the same time! Give it a try, then e-mail it around (including back to me) and you'll see how many people you know fall into the same percentage as you. 
    
Be sure to put in the subject line if you are among the 98% or the 2%. You'll understand what that means after you finish taking the "test". 
    
Now... just follow the instructions as quickly as possible. 
    
Do not go to the next calculation before you have finished the previous one.. 
    
You do not ever need to write or remember the answers, just do it using your mind. 
    
You'll be surprised. 
    
Start: 
    
    
    
How much is:
   
    15 + 6 
    
      3 + 56 
    
    89 + 2 
    
    12 + 53 
    
    75 + 26 
    
    25 + 52 
    
    63 + 32 
    
    

I know! Calculations are hard work, but it's nearly over.. 
    
Come on, one more... 
    
    123 + 5 
    

 QUICK! THINK ABOUT A COLOR AND A TOOL! 
    
Scroll further to the bottom... 
    
A bit more... 
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
You just thought about a red hammer, didn't you? 
    
If this is not your answer, you are among 2% of people who have a different, if not abnormal, mind. 
    
98% of the folks would answer a red hammer while doing this exercise. 
    
If you do not believe this, pass it around and you'll see. 
    
Be sure to put in the subject line if you are among the 98% or the 2% and send to everyone, including the person that sent it to you    

 


#42 From: "Soon Chee Siong" <sunzi8888@...>
Date: Sun Jul 31, 2005 4:56 pm
Subject: American Woman Drivers
sunzi8888
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#40 From: SMART_dot_com@yahoogroups.com
Date: Wed Jul 27, 2005 2:07 pm
Subject: New file uploaded to SMART_dot_com
SMART_dot_com@yahoogroups.com
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Hello,

This email message is a notification to let you know that
a file has been uploaded to the Files area of the SMART_dot_com
group.

   File        : /Alzheimer.doc
   Uploaded by : sunzi8888 <sunzi8888@...>
   Description : Alzheimer's Test

You can access this file at the URL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SMART_dot_com/files/Alzheimer.doc

To learn more about file sharing for your group, please visit:
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Regards,

sunzi8888 <sunzi8888@...>

#35 From: SMART_dot_com@yahoogroups.com
Date: Wed Jul 13, 2005 4:50 pm
Subject: New file uploaded to SMART_dot_com
SMART_dot_com@yahoogroups.com
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Hello,

This email message is a notification to let you know that
a file has been uploaded to the Files area of the SMART_dot_com
group.

   File        : /comedy - tight chinese.wmv
   Uploaded by : sunzi8888 <sunzi8888@...>
   Description : Tight Chinese

You can access this file at the URL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SMART_dot_com/files/comedy%20-%20tight%20chinese.w\
mv

To learn more about file sharing for your group, please visit:
http://help.yahoo.com/help/us/groups/files

Regards,

sunzi8888 <sunzi8888@...>

#34 From: "Shyller Tan" <shyller1@...>
Date: Tue Jul 12, 2005 3:28 pm
Subject: Very Sad but Beautiful Story
shyller1
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Sharing this story with u ....

A certain rich businessman had a beautiful  daughter, who fell in
love with a guy who was a cleaner.

When the girl's  father came to know about their love, he did not
like it at all, and so began  to protest about it.

Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave  their homes
for a happy future. The girl's father started searching  everywhere
for the them but in vain.

At last, he accepted  their love and asked them to come back home in
a local newspaper. Her father  said "If you both come back I will
allow you to marry the guy you love, I  accept that you loved each
other truly". So in this way, their love won and  they returned
homes.

The couple went to town to shop for a wedding  dress for the bride.
The guy was wearing a white shirt that day. Then as he  was crossing
the road to the other side to get some drinks for his fiancee, a
car hit him and he died on the spot. The girl lost her senses. It
was only  after some time that she recovered from her shock. The
funeral and  cementation was held on the very next day because he
had died  horribly.

Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream  in which she saw an
old lady. The old lady told her mother to wash the blood  stains of
the guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her
mother ignored the dream.

The next night her father had the same dream,  he, too, ignored it.

Then when the girl had the dream the following night,  she woke up
in fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother adviced  her
to wash the clothes which have blood stains immediately. She did as
she  was told, but to no avail.

The next night she again had the same dream. She  washed again...
but some still remained.

And on the 3rd night, she had  the exact same dream and this time
the old lady gave her a last warning  to wash the blood stain away,
or else something terrible will happen.  This time the girl tried
her best to wash the stains. She used all her  might to scrub...and
the dress nearly tore, but patches of stubborn  stains still
remained!

By late evening the same day, tired and all alone  at home, the girl
heard a knock on the door. When she opened the door,  she saw the
same old lady in her dream standing at her door. She got  very
scared and fainted.

The old lady woke her up and gave  her a blue object. Still in
shock, the girl asked, "What is this..? " The old  lady replied...

"Try Dynamo Liquid Soap... just a dab and it will remove  all
stubborn stains!!!"

Heehee...i neo how u all r feelin now...i haf been thru dis too u
neo. But dun look at moi like dat ...I'm also huntin 4 e idiot who
mailed dis to  moi...!!

#33 From: Tan Desmond <desmond5863@...>
Date: Fri Jul 8, 2005 6:41 am
Subject: THE BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR
desmond5863
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> > A blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a

> > message to her mother overseas.

> >

> > When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed:

> > "But I don't have any money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a

> > message to my mother".

> > The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect) "Anything?"

> > he asked.

> > "Yes, yes,anything" the blonde promised. Well then, just follow me"

> > said the man as he walked towards the next room.

> > The blonde did as she was told and followed the man. "Come in

> > and close the door" the man said. She did.

> > He then said "Now get on your knees". She did. "Now take

> > down my zipper".

> > She did. "Now go ahead ... take it out..." he said. She reached

> > for the cock and grabbed it with both hands ... then paused.

> > The man closed his eyes and whispered "Well.. go ahead".

> > The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it .. and while

> > holding it close to her lips, tentatively said....

> > "Hello, mum can you hear me?"


Meet your soulmate!
Yahoo! Asia presents Meetic - where millions of singles gather

#32 From: "Richard Chee" <richard@...>
Date: Fri Jul 8, 2005 4:07 am
Subject: your favorite past time ?
richardnicol...
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#30 From: Tan Desmond <desmond5863@...>
Date: Mon Jul 4, 2005 8:57 am
Subject: New Research Findings
desmond5863
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>1. Tests have shown that women rate 3% higher in general intelligence

>than men, although their brain size is smaller. Most women act dumb to

>make their mates look good.

>

>2. Women are walking radar detectors, that is why men have difficulty

lying

>to women. Their brains have the ability to integrate and decipher

>verbal, visual and other signals of body language. Hence women will

>always be safe when faking an orgasm.

>

>3. Women want lots of sex with the man she loves. Men just want lots of

>sex.

>

>

>4. When men flirt, they will lower their pitch of voice. Women will

>raise theirs.

>

>

>5. Women talk and think aloud while men do them silently. As a result,

men

>think women talk too much and are nags.

>

>

>6. Women talk about their problems as a way of relieving stress. She

>wants to be heard, not fixed by being offered advice and solutions.

>

>

>7. Speech and words are not a specific brain skill for men. They find

>it hard to express themselves. That's why they often choose greeting

>cards with plenty of words inside. That way, there's less space for

>them to write.

>

>

>8. Women leave men, not because they are unhappy with what he can

>provide,but because they are emotionally unfulfilled.

>

>

>9. Women uses an average of 20,000 communication words, sounds, and

>gestures a day. Men only use about 7,000.

>

>

>

>10. So if a woman is talking to you a lot, she likes you. But if she's

>not talking, you're in trouble.

>

>

>11. Men are more thick-skined than women. Literally. Which explains why

>women have more wrinkles than men. Boys lose their sensitivity to

>touch

by

>the time they reach puberty. So where does all that sensitivity go? It

>all goes to just one area.

>

>

>12. If a woman is unhappy in her relationship, she can't concentrate on

her

>work. If a man is unhappy at work, he can't focus on his relationship.

>

>

>13. Men can only do one thing at a time. When they stop their car to

>read

a

>street directory, they have to turn down the radio. Women's brains are

>configured for multi-tasking performance. They can talk on the phone,

watch

>the TV and cook at the same time.

>

>

>14. Most men get a brain hemorrhage after 20 minutes of clothes shopping.

>

>

>15. When it comes to sex, women need a reason; men need a place.

>

>

>16. 15% to 20% of men have feminised brains. About 10% of women have

>masculinised brains. So there are more gays than lesbians in the world.

>

>

>17. Most women prefer sex with the lights off because they can't bear

>to see a man enjoying himself. Men like the lights on - so they can

>get the woman's name right.

Send instant messages to your online friends http://asia.messenger.yahoo.com


#29 From: Tan Desmond <desmond5863@...>
Date: Thu Jun 30, 2005 8:33 am
Subject: SOLVING PROBLEMS
desmond5863
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Note: forwarded message attached.


Do you Yahoo!?
New and Improved Yahoo! Mail - 1GB free storage!
-----Original Message-----
	 From: Jeep Ney [SMTP:jeepney@...]
<mailto:[SMTP:jeepney@...]>
	 Sent: Wednesday, August 23, 2000 7:27 PM
	 Subject: SOLVING PROBLEMS

	 Solvin~1.pps attached

________________________________________________________________________
	 Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at
http://www.hotmail.com <<Microsoft PowerPoint 97>>

#19 From: Tan Desmond <desmond5863@...>
Date: Fri Jun 24, 2005 10:03 am
Subject: Embarrassing Jokes!
desmond5863
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The following are the top three winners from a "Most

> Embarrassing Moments" contest in New Woman Magazine:

> > >>

> > >>While in line at the bank one afternoon, my

> toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and

ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her

> > >>after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance

> from other patrons. I told her that if she did not

start behaving right now, she would be punished.

> > >>To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said

> in a voice just as threatening, ‘If you don’t let

me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy’s pee-pee last night!’

> The silence was deafening after this enlightening

exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were

> > >>doing! I mustered up the last of my dignity and

> walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The

last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.

> > >>

> > >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> > >>It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I

> was living at home, but my parents had gone out for

the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for

> > >>a romantic night alone.

> > >>As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the

> telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my

girlfriend that I give her a piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn’t want to miss the call, we didn’t have time to get dressed.

> > >>When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the

> lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people

yelled, ‘SURPRISE!’ My entire family aunts, uncles,

> > >>Grandparents, cousins and all my friends were

> standing there ! My girlfriend and I were frozen

in a state of shock and embarrassment for

> > >>what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one

> in my family has planned a surprise party again.

> > >>

> > >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> > >>One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moment"

> stories I’ve come upon in a long time was about a

lady who picked up several items at a discount

> > >>store.When she finally got up to the checker,

> she learned that one of her items had no price tag.

> > >>Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got

> on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to

hear:"PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN,TAMPAX,

SUPERSIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the

rear of the

> > >>store apparently misunderstood the word "tampax"

> for "THUMBTACKS." In a business like tone, a voice

boomed back over the intercom: "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"

> > >>

> > >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> > >>This actually happened at Harvard University in

> October of this year in a biology class. The prof

was discussing the high glucose levels found in

> >semen. A young female (freshman) raised her hand

and

> asked "If understand, you’re saying there is a lot

of glucose in male semen, as in sugar?"

> > >>"That’s correct", responded the prof, going on

> to add statistical info. Raising her hand again,

the girl asked, "Then why doesn’t it taste sweet?"

> > >>After a stunned silence, the whole class burst

> out laughing, the poor girl’s face turned bright

red, and as she realized exactly what she had

inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked

> up her books without a word and walked out of class

.... and never returned.

> >>However, as she was going out the door, the

> Prof’s reply was classic...Totally straight-faced he

answered her question, "It doesn’t taste sweet because

the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your

> >tongue and not the back of your throat."


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#18 From: Tan Desmond <desmond5863@...>
Date: Wed Jun 22, 2005 9:10 am
Subject: Long & Happy Marriage
desmond5863
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Joke of the day:

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.  Their domestic
tranquility had long been the talk of the town.  A local newspaper reporter was
inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man.  "We visited the
Grand Canyon and took a trip down the bottom of the canyon by pack mule."

"We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled.  My wife quietly said,
'That's once.'  We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again.  One
more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'  We hadn't gone a half-mile when the
mule stumbled a third time.  My wife promptly removed a revolver from her pocket
and shot him."

"I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and
quietly said, 'That's  once.'"


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#16 From: Tan Desmond <desmond5863@...>
Date: Wed Jun 22, 2005 12:13 am
Subject: Listen to Doctor
desmond5863
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Morning guys,
 

Listen To The Doctor

Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker, and one was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die." The men left the doctor's office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice.

While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and seeing the lights, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead. His companions, somewhat shaken up, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still smoking.

The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said, "If you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead."


Meet your soulmate!
Yahoo! Asia presents Meetic - where millions of singles gather

#15 From: Tan Desmond <desmond5863@...>
Date: Tue Jun 21, 2005 8:43 am
Subject: An award Winning ads
desmond5863
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An award winning ad by DUREX condom (USA):
 
"To All Those Who Used Our Competitor's Product........HAPPY FATHER"S DAY!"


Meet your soulmate!
Yahoo! Asia presents Meetic - where millions of singles gather

#13 From: "Soon Chee Siong" <sunzi8888@...>
Date: Thu Jun 16, 2005 3:34 pm
Subject: An Italian traveller's experience in Singapore
sunzi8888
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(Must be read in an Italian accent)

One day ima gonna Singapur to a bigga hotel.

Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two
pissis toast. She branga me only wona piss. I tella her I want two
piss. She say go to the toilet lor.

I say you no understand, I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say si
ang mo, you better no piss onnna plate you sonna ma bitch.

I don't even know the lady ana she calla me sonna ma bitch.

So I walkeda out of the cafe ana go to eat at the bigga restaurant.
The waiter brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella him I
wanna fock. He tell me everyone wanna fock.

I tell him you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. He say na
beh, you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch.

I don't even know the man ana he calla me sonna ma bitch.

So I walkeda out n go back to my room inna hotel but there is no
shits onna my bed. Calla the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He
tells me to go to toilet.

So I say you no understand, I wanna shit on my bed.

He says bluddy bule, you better not shit onna bed, you sonns ma
bitch.

I don't even know the man ana he calla me sonna ma bitch.

I have enough, so go to the checkout and the man at the desk
says: "Peace on you."

I say "piss onna you too, you sonna ma bitch. I gonna back to
Italiana.  Mamma mia, Singapuriana donna speaka inglesi!!!

#12 From: "Soon Chee Siong" <sunzi8888@...>
Date: Wed Jun 15, 2005 3:55 pm
Subject: Photo Album capacity
sunzi8888
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Hi guys

the memory for this photo album is now 86% full.

to maximise the use of the album, please reduce the size of the pic
before downloading it to the album.

when it is close to the full, i will have to start croping the files
to allow new ones to be posted.....which of course very unfortunate.
in the mean time, i will try to find ways to expand the capacity if
possible.

regards
Chee Siong

#11 From: "anthonyels" <anthonyels@...>
Date: Wed Jun 15, 2005 2:23 am
Subject: Ah Lian & Ah Beng
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Ah Lian calls Ah Beng over the telephone.


Lian: " Oi, Beng, I can't get my new jig saw puzzle fixed.  Mah-
chiam all the edges cannot fix together leh ? "


Beng: " Jig saw puzzle si mi picture, ha ? "


Lian: " The box show a big rooster, kanna like the one in
talkingcock.com. "


Beng: " Okay okay, I come over to hepchu lah. "


Ah Beng arrives at Ah Lian's place.


She happily leads him to the kitchen table where the stuff is.


Ah Beng takes one look and then says,


" Kan ni neh !  Put back the corn flakes into the box lah."

#9 From: "Thomas Ng" <thomasnlb@...>
Date: Wed Jun 15, 2005 2:16 am
Subject: Spelling Errors - FUNNY !
thomasnlb
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Careful, typing mistakes can be serious...

A daughter sent a telegram to her father on passing her B.Ed exams,
which the father received as "Father, your daughter has been
successful in BED."

---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----

A husband, while on a business trip to a hill station sent telegram
to his wife "I wish you were here.
"The message received by the wife was "I wish you were her."

---------------------------------------------------------------------
------

A man wanted to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party.
So he ordered a birthday cake.The salesman asked him what message he
wanted put on the cake.He thought for a moment and said, "put
getting older but you are getting better". The salesman asked "how
do you want me to put it?"

The man said ' Well...put "You are getting older" at the top
and "but you are getting better" at the bottom. When the cake was
unveiled at the party all the guests were aghast at the message on
the cake. It read :

"You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the
bottom"

#8 From: "Soon Chee Siong" <sunzi8888@...>
Date: Tue Jun 14, 2005 5:11 pm
Subject: Watch your language
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I met Clarence, one of my golf kaki at our favourite pub last
Friday.

I noticed Clarence's voice were coarse, so I asked, "What happened
to your voice, mate?"

Clarence replied (in a horse whisper), "I went golfing yesterday.
Shermen was on the first tee of Pulai course when I got there. Since
you nor any of her usual partners showed, we decided to play
together.  I never played with her before."

On the sixteenth tee, Shermen hit her drive out of bounds and into
that adjacent vacant land. We went over there to get her ball. We
looked and looked but couldn't find it.

Finally, I noticed this cow standing nearby. I thought, "Could it
be?" So, I went over and lifted the cow's tail. I saw a golf ball
stuck well inside the cow under the base of the tail.

Pointing at the ball, I yelled, "Hey Shermen, does this look like
yours?" And that was when she came over and hit me in my throat with
her five-iron!

#7 From: "Soon Chee Siong" <sunzi8888@...>
Date: Tue Jun 14, 2005 4:59 pm
Subject: At a Sunday School
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Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,

''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy
seated in the chair behind her,
took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary
and the teacher said, ''Very good''
and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary,
''Who is our Lord and Savior?''
But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary
and the teacher said, ''Very good,''
and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question,
''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?''
  And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

This time Mary jumped up and shouted,
''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in
half!''

The Teacher fainted.

#6 From: "Soon Chee Siong" <sunzi8888@...>
Date: Tue Jun 14, 2005 4:52 pm
Subject: Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
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An old man was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise.

He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his
arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens."
Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken
wire!"
Boy laughs and keeps walking.

At sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he
is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens
caught in it.

Next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees
the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. Old
man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says back "Gonna
catch me some ducks."
Old man yells, "Damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!"

Boy just laughs and keeps walking. Around sunset the boy walks by
and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the
unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying
what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. Old man
says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy says "It's a pussy willow."

Old man says "Wait up.... I'll get my hat"

#5 From: "anthonyels" <anthonyels@...>
Date: Tue Jun 14, 2005 8:57 am
Subject: Old Man & the Peacock
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An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall.

A teenager walked up to the bench and sat down.

He had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red, orange,
blue, and yellow.

The old man just stared.

Every time the teenager looked, the old man was staring at him.

The teenager finally said sarcastically,

" What's the matter old timer ? You've never done anything wild in
your life? "

Without batting an eye, the old man replied,

" I got drunk once and had sex with a peacock ...... I was just
wondering if you were my son. "

#4 From: "anthonyels" <anthonyels@...>
Date: Tue Jun 14, 2005 8:45 am
Subject: The Apprentice
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One young man joined a big multinational company as a trainee.

On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone,

" Get me a coffee quickly ! "

The voice from the other side responded,

" You fool !  You've dialed the wrong extension!  Do you know who
you're talking to, dumbo ? "

" No ", replied the trainee.

" Its the Managing Director of the company, you idiot ! " the MD
responded.

The young man shouted back,

" And do you know who you're talking to, you old fool ? "

" No ", replied the MD.

" Thank God !", replied the trainee, and he immediately put down the
phone.

#3 From: "anthonyels" <anthonyels@...>
Date: Tue Jun 14, 2005 8:15 am
Subject: The New CEO
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A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO.

The new CEO is determined to rid the company of all unproductive
workers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a young chap leaning on
a wall and relaxing.

The room is full of workers who were busy working, except for this
guy.

The CEO decides to let his staff know that he means business!

The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, " And how much money do you
make a week ? "

A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, " I
make $300.00 a week ......... Why ? "

The CEO then hands the guy $600 in cash and screams,

" Here's two weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back ! ".

Surprised and in fear, the guy immediately leaves.

Feeling pretty good about having fired his first worker, the CEO
looks around the room and asks,

" Does anyone want to tell me which department that worker belonged
to ? "

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters,

" He was the Pizza Delivery guy from Domino's."

#2 From: "csgoh88" <csgoh88@...>
Date: Tue Jun 14, 2005 7:33 am
Subject: Jokes
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A single mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house
for
    a play date.

    "Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"

    "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother
    replied. "It's not polite."

    "OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

    "Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and
    are really none of your business."

    Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a
    divorce?"

    "That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"

    The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

    "My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says
to
    her friend. "Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look
at
    her drivers' license It is like a report card, it has everything
on it."

    Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how
    old you are, you are 32."

    The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?

    "I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."

    The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's
name
    did you find that out?"

    "And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and
daddy
    got a divorce."

    "Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"

    "Because you got an F in sex."

#1 From: "Shyller Tan" <shyller1@...>
Date: Tue Jun 14, 2005 7:30 am
Subject: NATIONAL DAY GOLFING TRIP TO MALACCA / KL (AUGUST 6TH - 9TH)
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Hi guyz

Andrew has so kindly volunteered to organize a trip to Melaka/KL for
members during the National Day weekend from August 5th - 9th.  He
has a family home in Melaka that can easily accommodate 2 - 3 flights.

Isn't he sweet?

Ok, the itinerary will broadly follow this sequence:

6th Aug (Sat) -  Golf at Orna or A' Formosa

PM/NIGHT      - Downtown Melaka/Shop N Dine

Sun AM        - Leave for KL

Sun PM        – Glenmarie / Saujana, follow by dinner in KL,
                  Leave KL for Melaka or Stay KL for one night

Mon AM        - Rest or Tiara (Pulai member pay buggy fee only)

Mon PM        - Tiara, then leave home Mon mid-night to avoid jam


Please register your interest by replying to this post.


Moderator
Shyller :)

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