A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets
up
and moves to the First Class Section and sits down.
The flight attendant asks to see her ticket. She tells the blonde that
her ticket is for Economy Class and that she will have to leave the First
Class Section
The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal,
and I'm staying right here!"
The flight attendant alerts the pilot and copilot of the situation.
The copilot tells the blonde that she will have to move back to Economy
Class.
The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal,
and I'm staying right here!"
The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police
waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.
The pilot says "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a
blonde. I speak 'blonde'!"
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm
sorry," and moves back to her seat in the Economy section.
The flight attendant and copilot are amazed and ask him what he said
make her move without any fuss.
The pilot smiled. "I told her First Class isn't going to Montreal."
At the end of this message, you are asked a question. Answer it
immediately. Don't stop and think about it. Just say the first thing that pops
into your mind.
This is a fun "test"... AND kind of spooky at the same time! Give it
a try, then e-mail it around (including back to me) and you'll see how many
people you know fall into the same percentage as you.
Be sure to put in the subject line if you are among the 98% or the 2%. You'll
understand what that means after you finish taking the "test".
Now... just follow the instructions as quickly as possible.
Do not go to the next calculation before you have finished the previous
one..
You do not ever need to write or remember the answers, just do it using your
mind.
You'll be surprised.
Start:
How much is:
15 + 6
3 + 56
89 + 2
12 + 53
75 + 26
25 + 52
63 + 32
I know! Calculations are hard work, but it's nearly over..
Come on, one more...
123 + 5
QUICK! THINK ABOUT
A COLOR AND A TOOL!
Scroll further to the bottom...
A bit more...
You just thought about a red hammer, didn't you?
If this is not your answer, you are among 2% of people who have a different, if
not abnormal, mind.
98% of the folks would answer a red hammer while doing this exercise.
If you do not believe this, pass it around and you'll see.
Be sure to put in the subject line if you are among the 98% or the 2% and send
to everyone, including the person that sent it to you
Sharing this story with u ....
A certain rich businessman had a beautiful daughter, who fell in
love with a guy who was a cleaner.
When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not
like it at all, and so began to protest about it.
Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes
for a happy future. The girl's father started searching everywhere
for the them but in vain.
At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home in
a local newspaper. Her father said "If you both come back I will
allow you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you loved each
other truly". So in this way, their love won and they returned
homes.
The couple went to town to shop for a wedding dress for the bride.
The guy was wearing a white shirt that day. Then as he was crossing
the road to the other side to get some drinks for his fiancee, a
car hit him and he died on the spot. The girl lost her senses. It
was only after some time that she recovered from her shock. The
funeral and cementation was held on the very next day because he
had died horribly.
Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an
old lady. The old lady told her mother to wash the blood stains of
the guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her
mother ignored the dream.
The next night her father had the same dream, he, too, ignored it.
Then when the girl had the dream the following night, she woke up
in fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother adviced her
to wash the clothes which have blood stains immediately. She did as
she was told, but to no avail.
The next night she again had the same dream. She washed again...
but some still remained.
And on the 3rd night, she had the exact same dream and this time
the old lady gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain away,
or else something terrible will happen. This time the girl tried
her best to wash the stains. She used all her might to scrub...and
the dress nearly tore, but patches of stubborn stains still
remained!
By late evening the same day, tired and all alone at home, the girl
heard a knock on the door. When she opened the door, she saw the
same old lady in her dream standing at her door. She got very
scared and fainted.
The old lady woke her up and gave her a blue object. Still in
shock, the girl asked, "What is this..? " The old lady replied...
"Try Dynamo Liquid Soap... just a dab and it will remove all
stubborn stains!!!"
Heehee...i neo how u all r feelin now...i haf been thru dis too u
neo. But dun look at moi like dat ...I'm also huntin 4 e idiot who
mailed dis to moi...!!
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down the bottom of the canyon by pack mule."
"We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said, 'That's once.' We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again.
One more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her pocket and shot him."
"I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, 'That's once.'"
Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker, and one was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die." The men left the doctor's office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice.
While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and seeing the lights, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead. His companions, somewhat shaken up, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still smoking.
The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said, "If you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead."
(Must be read in an Italian accent)
One day ima gonna Singapur to a bigga hotel.
Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two
pissis toast. She branga me only wona piss. I tella her I want two
piss. She say go to the toilet lor.
I say you no understand, I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say si
ang mo, you better no piss onnna plate you sonna ma bitch.
I don't even know the lady ana she calla me sonna ma bitch.
So I walkeda out of the cafe ana go to eat at the bigga restaurant.
The waiter brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella him I
wanna fock. He tell me everyone wanna fock.
I tell him you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. He say na
beh, you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch.
I don't even know the man ana he calla me sonna ma bitch.
So I walkeda out n go back to my room inna hotel but there is no
shits onna my bed. Calla the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He
tells me to go to toilet.
So I say you no understand, I wanna shit on my bed.
He says bluddy bule, you better not shit onna bed, you sonns ma
bitch.
I don't even know the man ana he calla me sonna ma bitch.
I have enough, so go to the checkout and the man at the desk
says: "Peace on you."
I say "piss onna you too, you sonna ma bitch. I gonna back to
Italiana. Mamma mia, Singapuriana donna speaka inglesi!!!
Hi guys
the memory for this photo album is now 86% full.
to maximise the use of the album, please reduce the size of the pic
before downloading it to the album.
when it is close to the full, i will have to start croping the files
to allow new ones to be posted.....which of course very unfortunate.
in the mean time, i will try to find ways to expand the capacity if
possible.
regards
Chee Siong
Ah Lian calls Ah Beng over the telephone.
Lian: " Oi, Beng, I can't get my new jig saw puzzle fixed. Mah-
chiam all the edges cannot fix together leh ? "
Beng: " Jig saw puzzle si mi picture, ha ? "
Lian: " The box show a big rooster, kanna like the one in
talkingcock.com. "
Beng: " Okay okay, I come over to hepchu lah. "
Ah Beng arrives at Ah Lian's place.
She happily leads him to the kitchen table where the stuff is.
Ah Beng takes one look and then says,
" Kan ni neh ! Put back the corn flakes into the box lah."
Careful, typing mistakes can be serious...
A daughter sent a telegram to her father on passing her B.Ed exams,
which the father received as "Father, your daughter has been
successful in BED."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----
A husband, while on a business trip to a hill station sent telegram
to his wife "I wish you were here.
"The message received by the wife was "I wish you were her."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
------
A man wanted to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party.
So he ordered a birthday cake.The salesman asked him what message he
wanted put on the cake.He thought for a moment and said, "put
getting older but you are getting better". The salesman asked "how
do you want me to put it?"
The man said ' Well...put "You are getting older" at the top
and "but you are getting better" at the bottom. When the cake was
unveiled at the party all the guests were aghast at the message on
the cake. It read :
"You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the
bottom"
I met Clarence, one of my golf kaki at our favourite pub last
Friday.
I noticed Clarence's voice were coarse, so I asked, "What happened
to your voice, mate?"
Clarence replied (in a horse whisper), "I went golfing yesterday.
Shermen was on the first tee of Pulai course when I got there. Since
you nor any of her usual partners showed, we decided to play
together. I never played with her before."
On the sixteenth tee, Shermen hit her drive out of bounds and into
that adjacent vacant land. We went over there to get her ball. We
looked and looked but couldn't find it.
Finally, I noticed this cow standing nearby. I thought, "Could it
be?" So, I went over and lifted the cow's tail. I saw a golf ball
stuck well inside the cow under the base of the tail.
Pointing at the ball, I yelled, "Hey Shermen, does this look like
yours?" And that was when she came over and hit me in my throat with
her five-iron!
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,
''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy
seated in the chair behind her,
took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary
and the teacher said, ''Very good''
and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary,
''Who is our Lord and Savior?''
But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary
and the teacher said, ''Very good,''
and Mary fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question,
''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?''
And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.
This time Mary jumped up and shouted,
''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in
half!''
The Teacher fainted.
An old man was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise.
He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his
arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens."
Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken
wire!"
Boy laughs and keeps walking.
At sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he
is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens
caught in it.
Next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees
the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. Old
man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says back "Gonna
catch me some ducks."
Old man yells, "Damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!"
Boy just laughs and keeps walking. Around sunset the boy walks by
and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the
unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying
what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. Old man
says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy says "It's a pussy willow."
Old man says "Wait up.... I'll get my hat"
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall.
A teenager walked up to the bench and sat down.
He had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red, orange,
blue, and yellow.
The old man just stared.
Every time the teenager looked, the old man was staring at him.
The teenager finally said sarcastically,
" What's the matter old timer ? You've never done anything wild in
your life? "
Without batting an eye, the old man replied,
" I got drunk once and had sex with a peacock ...... I was just
wondering if you were my son. "
One young man joined a big multinational company as a trainee.
On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone,
" Get me a coffee quickly ! "
The voice from the other side responded,
" You fool ! You've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who
you're talking to, dumbo ? "
" No ", replied the trainee.
" Its the Managing Director of the company, you idiot ! " the MD
responded.
The young man shouted back,
" And do you know who you're talking to, you old fool ? "
" No ", replied the MD.
" Thank God !", replied the trainee, and he immediately put down the
phone.
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO.
The new CEO is determined to rid the company of all unproductive
workers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a young chap leaning on
a wall and relaxing.
The room is full of workers who were busy working, except for this
guy.
The CEO decides to let his staff know that he means business!
The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, " And how much money do you
make a week ? "
A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, " I
make $300.00 a week ......... Why ? "
The CEO then hands the guy $600 in cash and screams,
" Here's two weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back ! ".
Surprised and in fear, the guy immediately leaves.
Feeling pretty good about having fired his first worker, the CEO
looks around the room and asks,
" Does anyone want to tell me which department that worker belonged
to ? "
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters,
" He was the Pizza Delivery guy from Domino's."
A single mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house
for
a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother
replied. "It's not polite."
"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and
are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a
divorce?"
"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says
to
her friend. "Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look
at
her drivers' license It is like a report card, it has everything
on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how
old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's
name
did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and
daddy
got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."
Hi guyz
Andrew has so kindly volunteered to organize a trip to Melaka/KL for
members during the National Day weekend from August 5th - 9th. He
has a family home in Melaka that can easily accommodate 2 - 3 flights.
Isn't he sweet?
Ok, the itinerary will broadly follow this sequence:
6th Aug (Sat) - Golf at Orna or A' Formosa
PM/NIGHT - Downtown Melaka/Shop N Dine
Sun AM - Leave for KL
Sun PM – Glenmarie / Saujana, follow by dinner in KL,
Leave KL for Melaka or Stay KL for one night
Mon AM - Rest or Tiara (Pulai member pay buggy fee only)
Mon PM - Tiara, then leave home Mon mid-night to avoid jam
Please register your interest by replying to this post.
Moderator
Shyller :)