After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the
woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back
later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver
hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social
Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability too'.

And then the fight started.....

***************************************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My goodness!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started.....

************************************************************************** I
Rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and
slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just
seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT F**KING
HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started.....

****************************************************************************
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not pleased with what she sees and says to her husband,

'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'

And then the fight started........