It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but
until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric
expenditure of different sexual activities. Now after original,
thorough, pains-taking and proprietary research, here is an extract
of some of the results.

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent...................... 12 Calories
Without her consent.................... 187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands........................ 8 Calories
With one hand.......................... 12 Calories
With your teeth........................ 85 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection......................... 6 Calories
Without an erection.................... 315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris............ 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot.............. 92 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary....................... 12 Calories
69 lying down.......................... 78 Calories
69 standing up......................... 112 Calories
Wheelbarrow..................... 216 Calories
Doggy. style...................... 326 Calories
Italian chandelier....................... 912 Calories

ORGASM:
Real............................. 112 Calories
Fake........................... 315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging................... 18 Calories
Getting up immediately................. 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately......816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: IF YOU ARE:
20-29 years old........................ 36 Calories
30-39 years............................ 80 Calories
40-49 years............................ 124 Calories
50-59 years............................ 972 Calories
60-69 years............................ 2916 Calories
70 and over......................... Results still pending

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly........................... 32 Calories
In a hurry............................ 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door... 1218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door.... 3521 Calories