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#70

From: "Andrew Frizzell" <afrizzell@...>
Date: Thu Mar 22, 2007 5:45 am
Subject: FW: A Used car!

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It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.

As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.!

He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car. Were they trying to steal it?

"Heavens no, we bought it."

"Then why don't you drive it away."

"We can't drive."

"Then why did you buy it?"

"We were told that if we bought a Used car here we'd get screwed....so we're just waiting.

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#69

From: "Andrew Frizzell" <afrizzell@...>
Date: Mon Mar 12, 2007 6:05 am
Subject: FW: Kiwi letter

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This is an old one, but not bad

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#68

From: "Andrew Frizzell" <afrizzell@...>
Date: Mon Mar 12, 2007 5:55 am
Subject: FW: Cartoons - TOO FUNNY

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8:00? 8:25? 8:40? Find a flick in no time
with theYahoo! Search movie showtime shortcut.

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#67

From: "Andrew Frizzell" <afrizzell@...>
Date: Mon Mar 12, 2007 5:49 am
Subject: FW: WHAT AISLE IS POLISH SAUSAGE IN ?

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In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?"

The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"

The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a Taco would you ask if I was Mexican?

Would ya, huh? Would ya?"

The clerk says, "Well, no!"

"If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"

"Well, I probably wouldn't!"

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says,

"Well then why did you ask me if I'm Polish because I ask for Polish sausage?"

The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot.

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#66

From: "Andrew Frizzell" <afrizzell@...>
Date: Mon Mar 12, 2007 5:53 am
Subject: FW: Breast or Bottle Fed??

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eeek

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and, being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. "Breast-fed" she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, he said, "No wonder this baby is underweight, you don't have any milk!"

"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."

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#65

From: "Andrew Frizzell" <afrizzell@...>
Date: Fri Feb 16, 2007 6:50 am
Subject: FW: Soccer Widow

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….. don’t worry it works for rugby as well

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#64

From: "Andrew Frizzell" <afrizzell@...>
Date: Thu Feb 8, 2007 8:13 am
Subject: FW: Duck hunters

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This could have been a contender for the Darwin Awards……

TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING ON THE INCIDENT.

    A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500.00 (with monthly payments of $560.00). He and a friend go duck hunting in upper Wisconsin It's mid-winter; and of course all of the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the ice with their GUNS, a DOG, and of course the new NAVIGATOR.
    They decide they want to make a natural looking open water for the ducks to focus on, something for thedeco ys to float in. Now making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck, is going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can produce. So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40 second-fuse. Now our two Rocket Scientists, afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run
away after lighting the fuse (and becoming toast, along with theNavigator), decide on the following course of action:
    They light the 40 second fuse; then, with a mighty thrust, they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as possible. Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, The GUNS, and the DOG...??? Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING; especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it: The dog takes off & goes across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite, with the burning 40-second fuse, just as it hits the ice. The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with veins in their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler at the dog to stop. The dog, now apparently cheered on by his Master, keeps coming. One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and SHOOTS the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, then continues on. Another shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover, UNDER the brand new Navigator The men continue to scream as they run. The red hot ex haust pipe on the truck touches the dog's
rear end, he yelps, drops the dynamite under the truck and takes off after his master!

    Then " "" "" "" "" BOOOOOOOOOOOOM"" "" "" "" ! ! !
    The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake, leaving the two idiots standing there with "I can't believe this just happened" looks on their faces. The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by Illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy. And he still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments.
    The dog is okay. . .doing fine. And you thought Rednecks only live in the South.........

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#63

From: "Andrew Frizzell" <afrizzell@...>
Date: Fri Feb 2, 2007 6:18 am
Subject: FW: He who Drinks Australian Thinks Australian

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> He who Drinks Australian Thinks Australian !!

> Read On

> An Australian guy is traveling around the Greek islands. He walks into

> a bar and by chance is served by an Australian barmaid.

> As she takes his order, a Fosters, she notices his accent. Over the

course

> of the evening they get chatting. At the end of her shift he asks if

she

> wants to come back to his place. Although she is attracted to him she

says

> no. He then offers to pay her $200 to sleep with him. As she is

traveling

> around the world and is short of funds, she agrees.

> The next night the man turns up again. Again he orders Fosters and

after

> showing her plenty of attention, asks if she will sleep with him again

for

> $200. She remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree.

> This goes on for 5 nights. On the 6th night the man comes in again,

orders

> Fosters but goes and sits in the corner. The barmaid thinks that if

she

> pays

> him more attention then, maybe she can shake some more cash out of

him.

> So she goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he's from in

> Australia....

> "Melbourne ", he tells her.

> "So am I. What suburb?" she enquires.

> "Glen Iris" he replies.

> "That's amazing".........she says, excitedly, so am I - what street?"

> Cameo Street ? he replies.

> "This is unbelievable........." she says, her voice quavering.

> "What number?" "Number 20", he replies.

> She is totally astonished.

> "You are NOT going to believe this........? she screams, "but I'm from

> number

> 22! My parents still live there!"

> "I know..." he says, "Your Dad gave me $1,000 to give to you"

> HE WHO DRINKS AUSTRALIAN, THINKS AUSTRALIAN

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#62

From: "Andrew Frizzell" <afrizzell@...>
Date: Thu Feb 1, 2007 8:34 am
Subject: FW: Little Alien Men

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A truck driver is cruising along when he spots a little yellow man standing in the middle of the road, crying. He brings the truck to a standstill, rolls down the window, and asks the little man what's wrong.

"I'm yellow, I'm from Venus, I'm gay and I'm hungry," sobs the little man.
"Well," says the trucker, "I can offer you a cheese sandwich, but that's as much as I can do."
So he passes a sandwich to the little man and drives off.

A bit later he has to stop again, because there's a little red man in the middle of the road, crying. So he comes to a halt, rolls down the window and a bit more impatiently - asks the little man what the matter is.

"I'm red, I'm from Mars, I'm gay and I'm thirsty," the little man bawls.

So the trucker says, "I can offer you a can of Coke, but that's as much as can do."
He hands a tin of Coke down to the little man and drives off.

A little further on, the trucker spots a little blue man in the middle of the road. Really annoyed now, he stops, rolls down the window and snaps,” Yes, you little blue moffie, what planet are you from and what the f...k do you want?"

And the little man answers, "Your driver's license, please..."

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#61

From: "Andrew Frizzell" <afrizzell@...>
Date: Thu Feb 1, 2007 6:25 am
Subject: Tech Tips for those considering migrating to Windows Vista- And general hazrds of software ugrades

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Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities, such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Going To The Pub 7.5, and Cricket 3.6

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my other favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User.....

_____________________

REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men often complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge, the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings: Alimony-Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application Yes Dear 2.7 to alleviate your program problems.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance! Wife 1.0 does come with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5, and Do Bills 4.2

However, be very careful how you use these programs . Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,
Tech Support

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#60

From: "Andrew Frizzell" <afrizzell@...>
Date: Mon Jan 29, 2007 6:25 am
Subject: FW: Why Why Why

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Why, Why, Why . . . .
do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you?!!

I've done my job and sent this email to you , now it's up to you to send it on.

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#59

From: "Andrew Frizzell" <afrizzell@...>
Date: Mon Jan 15, 2007 9:22 am
Subject: FW: FW: Yer Face reminds me of ah wrench........

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Ony in a merca

> Redneck Man's pick up lines
>
> 1) Did you fart? cuz you blew me away.
> 2) Are yer parents retarded? cuz ya sure are special.
> 3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea ... I can't hold it in.
> 4) Do you have a library card? cuz I'd like to sign you out.
> 5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? cuz I can see myself in em.
> 6) If you in I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts inyer hole.
> 7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a
>light
> switch away.
> 8) Man - "Fat Penguin!" Woman - "WHAT?" Man - "I just wanted to say
> something that would break the ice."
> 9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer
>bed-rock.
> 10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went
>inta
> this cheap motel room.

> 11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
> 12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon
> and.... save the best for last!
> 13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts
> tighten up.
>
>

>

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#58

From: "Andrew Frizzell" <afrizzell@...>
Date: Mon Jan 15, 2007 6:28 am
Subject: FW: EYE TEST

arfrizzell

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From: Bartley Smith [mailto:impolitic1@...]
Sent: 12 January 2007 04:23 PM
To: impolitic1@...
Subject: EYE TEST

Subject: EYE TEST

Being the advocate for good healthcare I want you all to have healthy eyes. So, scroll down and take this eye test/screen for cataracts eye test.

http://home.mn.rr.com/t1camp1/Focus.swf

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#57

From: "Andrew Frizzell" <afrizzell@...>
Date: Mon Jan 8, 2007 5:51 am
Subject: FW: RE: Fw: The Lion Tamer

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From: Wayne Scott [mailto:scottsinn69@...]
Sent: 08 January 2007 01:02 AM
To: Dickie Cloutman; Ben Daubmire; Tom Bentkowski; Brad Hill; Dan Gowen; Jock Graham; Shookie; Vince DiFilippo; Bucky Childers; Paul Jassogne; Dick Schultz; Jake Geiger; Wimp Mowery; Jeff Groves; Chip&Janet McGrady; Sam Ricketts; Marc Moore; Peter Thornley; Gordon Sawle; RobandAlice Mayer; Robert Reid; Andy Frizzell; Jill Copenhaver; Christine Crawford; Barbara Lewis; Glenn Woo; Jeff Woolever; DaveandKathy Bornino; MikeandMary Barney; Dave Cordle; David Claybourn; Kristi Short; CharlesandMary Claybourn; Suzanne Upp; Mike&Robyn Norman; Cheri Miller; Tina Cain; Calvin Griffin; Jason Djernes
Subject: Fwd: RE: Fw: The Lion Tamer

Note: forwarded message attached.

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TEE HEE HEE! NOW THAT'S A SMILE BRINGER ON! WOULDN'T MS. BARNETT BE PROUD OF MY ENGLISH? BETTY JO

From: "Larry Plescher" <plescher@...>
To: "betty wilson" <blwilsonblwilson@...>, "dorothy wharton" <djwharton@...>, "SHOOKIE" <BiggDann6@...>, "Wayne Scott" <scottsinn69@...>, "Mary Jane Riedel" <mriedel@...>, "Walt Ridenour" <ridenour3161@...>, "Tom & Barb Potts" <tpotts4@...>, "Sally & Don Phillips" <sallyanddon@...>, "Bill & Kitty New" <kbnew@...>, "alan mowery" <alan_mowery@...>, "Bill & Marilyn" <bilmar5@...>, "Richard Mackay" <maxirich@...>, "Betty Jo Longfellow" <Bettyjo512@...>, "Liz & Dan" <LUCYnDAN4799@...>, "Paul Kasler" <pkasler1@...>, "Denny Harper" <dharp029@...>, "Linda Brode" <lsbrode@...>, "Carolyn Aucreman" <caucreman@...>
Subject: Fw: The Lion Tamer
Date: Fri, 5 Jan 2007 16:16:14 -0500

Subject: The Lion Tamer

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer, and two people show up.
One is a good looking older man in his mid-sixties and the other is
a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it.
This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better
be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and
a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The blonde says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the
whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion
starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way
there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and
starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss
her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her
feet.

The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen
a display like that in my life."

He then turns to the older man and asks, "Can you top that?"

The older man replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of the
way"

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#56

From: "Andrew Frizzell" <afrizzell@...>
Date: Wed Jan 3, 2007 5:44 am
Subject: FW: Sylvester and Tweety...

arfrizzell

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Happy New Year

ON ON BB

Watch this until Sylvester catches Tweety..(wait for it. It's worth it)... After Tweety is caught, scroll down...

This was an idiot test. How long did you watch?

0-2 seconds - there's hope for you
2-5 seconds - having a bad day?
5-10 seconds - are you maybe just a slow reader?
10-20 seconds - remedial classes are nothing to be ashamed of
20-30 seconds - it is recommended that you don't breed.
30 sec-1 min - you probably can't read this anyway. So why bother?
1-2 min - the equivalent of the average house p! lant
2-5 min - Good afternoon Jessica Simpson
5 min -1 hr - Dead people score in this range
1hr plus - congratulations. You have! a negative IQ. To find out what your prize is, watch bugs until he finishes his carrot...

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#55

From: Stephen Greenhalgh <stephen_greenhalgh@...>
Date: Sun Dec 24, 2006 10:49 am
Subject: Fwd: [DiliHash] (Dilihash) Just joking :-)

stephen_gree...

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--- G J <gregjosephsnz@...> wrote:

> To: dilihash@...
> From: G J <gregjosephsnz@...>
> Date: Thu, 21 Dec 2006 21:22:29 +1300 (NZDT)
> Subject: [DiliHash] (Dilihash) Just joking :-)
>
> Male or Female???
>
>   You might not have known this, but a lot of
> non-living
>   objects are actually either male or female.  Here
> are some examples:
>
>   FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold
> everything in, but you can see right through them.
>
>   PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once
> turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again.
> They are an effective reproductive device if the
> right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc
> if you
>   push the wrong buttons.
>
>   TYRES: Tyres are male, because they go bald easily
> and are often over inflated.
>
>   HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to
> get them
>   to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under
> their arse
>
>   SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft,
> squeezable and retain water.
>
>   WEB PAGES:  Female, because they're constantly
> being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
>
>   TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use
> the same
>   Old lines for picking up people.
>
>   EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over
> time, all
>   The weight shifts to the bottom.
>
>   HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years,
> they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally
> handy to have around.
>
>   THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably
> thought it
>   would be male, but consider this: It easily gives
> a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while
> he doesn't always know which buttons to push,
>   he just keeps trying. (hence why my remote won�t
> work!)
>
>   Merry Xmas and Happy Hash Year
>
>   Uranus
>   Greek God of the Sky, quite apt for the RNZAF :-)
>
>
>  Send instant messages to your online friends
> http://au.messenger.yahoo.com


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#54

From: <afrizzell@...>
Date: Thu Dec 21, 2006 12:38 pm
Subject: Problem and Solution

arfrizzell

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After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

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#53

From: Stephen Greenhalgh <stephen_greenhalgh@...>
Date: Thu Dec 21, 2006 4:59 am
Subject: Blondes - it's Xmas!

stephen_gree...

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Blondes - it's Xmas!

  Blonde's Year In Review



January - Took new scarf back to store because it was
too tight.





February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to
print labels... Helllloooo!!! Bottles won't fit in
  typewriter!!!





March - Got really excited! Finished jigsaw puzzle in
6 months ... box said "2-4 years!"





April - Trapped on escalator for hours ... power went
out!!





May - Tried to make Kool-Aid ... wrong instructions on
packet ... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little
packets!!





June - Tried to go water skiing ... Bummer ...
couldn't find a lake with a slope.





July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition ...
learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used
their arms!





August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm ...
car swamped because soft-top was open.





September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't
it??





October - Hate M &M's .... they are so hard to peel.





November - Burned turkey. Baked it for 4 1/2 days.
Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!





December - Couldn't call 911 ..."duh" ... like there's
no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!





What a year!!

Hope it's a better year next year.......













---------------------------------


No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG Free Edition.
Version: 7.1.409 / Virus Database: 268.15.22/590 -
Release Date: 16/12/06









---------------------------------
Advertisement: Amazing holiday rentals?


---------------------------------


No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG Free Edition.
Version: 7.1.409 / Virus Database: 268.15.24/592 -
Release Date: 12/18/2006








---------------------------------
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Reply | Forward | Messages in this Topic (1)

#52

From: Stephen Greenhalgh <stephen_greenhalgh@...>
Date: Wed Dec 20, 2006 8:00 am
Subject: Fwd: Unable to deliver your message

stephen_gree...

Offline

Send Email

> >
> >       A Young man called Ron wanted to buy his new
> > girlfriends Christmas
> >       present. As they hadn't been seeing each
> other
> > for very long ,he decided
> >       after careful consideration, that a pair of
> > gloves would strike the right
> >       note, not too romantic and not too personal.
>
> >
> >       He went with his girlfriends sister to
> Harrods
> > and bought a dainty pair
> >       of white fur lined gloves, The sister bought
> a
> > pair of Knickers for
> >       herself at the same time.
> >
> >       During the wrapping the shop assistant mixed
> > up the two items, the
> >       sister got the gloves and Ron got the
> > knickers, Without checking Ron
> >       sealed the package and sent it to his new
> > girlfriend with the following
> >       letter:-
> >
> >       Dear Sasha,
> >       I chose these because i've noticed that you
> > are
> >       not wearing any when we go out in the
> > evenings. If it had not been for
> >       your sister I would have chosen the long
> ones
> > with buttons, but she
> >       wears shorter ones which are easier to
> remove,
> >
> >       These are a very delicate shade, but the
> lady
> > I bought them from showed
> >       me the pair she had been wearing for the
> past
> > three weeks and they were
> >       hardly soiled at all, I had her try yours on
> > for me and she looked
> >       really smart in them even though they were a
> > little bit tight on her.
> >
> >
> >       She also said that the pair rubs her ring
> > which helps keep it clean and
> >       shiny, In fact she has'nt needed to wash it
> > since she began wearing
> >       them,
> >       I wish I was there to put them on for you
> the
> > first time, as no doubt
> >       many other hands will touch them before I
> have
> > a chance to see you
> >       again.
> >
> >       When you take them off remember to blow into
> > them a little bit because
> >       they will be naturally a little damp from
> > wearing, Just think how many
> >       times my lips will kiss them during the
> coming
> > year.
> >
> >       I hope you will wear them for me on Friday
> > night.
> >
> >       All my love
> >
> >       Ron.
> >
> >       P.S.The latest style is to wear them folded
> > down with a little bit of
> >
> >       fur showing.
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>
> __________________________________________________
> Do You Yahoo!?
> Tired of spam?  Yahoo! Mail has the best spam
> protection around
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>


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Reply | Forward | Messages in this Topic (1)

#51

From: Stephen Greenhalgh <stephen_greenhalgh@...>
Date: Wed Dec 20, 2006 7:54 am
Subject: Fwd: [DiliHash] Lovely Little Riddles

stephen_gree...

Offline

Send Email

--- Shane McCarthy <shanemuck@...> wrote:

> To: <dilihash@...>
> From: "Shane McCarthy" <shanemuck@...>
> Date: Mon, 18 Dec 2006 15:24:04 +0900
> Subject: [DiliHash] Lovely Little Riddles
>
> X-RATED RIDDLES
>
>
>
>   Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer
> and a hooker?
>
>   A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
>
>
>
>   Q. What's a mixed feeling?
>
>   A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a
> cliff in your new
>
> car.
>
>
>
>   Q. What's the height of conceit?
>
>   A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
>
>
>
>   Q. What's the definition of macho?
>
>   A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
>
>
>
>   Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a
> golf ball?
>
>   A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball
>
>
>
>   Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe
> sex?
>
>   A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep
> that kick!
>
>
>
>   Q.Why is divorce so expensive?
>
>   A. Because it's worth it!
>
>
>
>   Q. What is a Yankee?
>
>   A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it
> alone.
>
>
>
>   Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
>
>   A. They both like a tight seal.
>
>
>
>   Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in
> common?
>
>   A. Their balls are just for decoration.
>
>
>
>   Q.What is the difference between "ooooooh"and
> "aaaaaaah"?
>
>   A. About three inches.
>
>
>
>   Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?
>
>   A. For traction in the mud.
>
>
>
>   Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
>
>   A. The grip.
>
>
>
>   Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
>
>   A. It's not hard.
>
>
>
>   Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and
> a wife?
>
>   A: 45 pounds.
>
>
>
>   Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a
> husband?
>
>   A: 45 minutes.
>
>
>
>   Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye
> contact?
>
>   A: Breasts don't have eyes.
>
>
>
>   Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the
> bird of true love?
>
>   A. The swallow.
>
>
>
>   Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
>
>   A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
>
>
>
>   Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in
> the morning?
>
>   A. They don't have balls to scratch!
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> --------
>
> The information transmitted (and/or the attachments
> accompanying it) may
>
> contain confidential information belonging to the
> sender, which is
>
> privileged. The information is intended only for the
> use of the
>
> individual
>
> or entity to which it is addressed. If you are not
> the intended
>
> recipient,
>
> you are hereby notified that taking of any action in
> reliance on the
>
> contents of this information is strictly prohibited.
> If you have
>
> received
>
> this transmission in error, please delete the
> information from your
>
> system
>
> and contact the sender.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> --------
>
>
>
>
>
> No virus found in this incoming message.
>
> Checked by AVG Free Edition.
>
> Version: 7.1.409 / Virus Database: 268.15.15/579 -
> Release Date:
>
> 12/7/2006
>
>
>
>


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Reply | Forward | Messages in this Topic (1)

#50

From: "Andrew Frizzell" <afrizzell@...>
Date: Mon Dec 18, 2006 6:01 am
Subject: FW: : A chuckle - the last one is a beauty

arfrizzell

Offline

Send Email

>
>
>
>
>
>Subject: FW: : A chuckle - the last one is a beauty
>
>
>
>
>   Actual call centre conversations !
>
>   Customer:     "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get
>through to enquiries, can you help?".
>   Operator:     "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
>   Customer:     "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
>   Operator:     "Sir, they are our opening hours".
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------
>   Samsung Electronics
>   Caller:          "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
>   Operator:       "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking
>about".
>   Caller:          "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly
>states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC  wall socket and
>telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
>   Operator:       "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".
>   ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>   RAC Motoring Services
>   Caller:          "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am

>travelling in Australia?"
>   Operator:      " Doesn't the product name give you a clue?"
>   ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>   Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):
>   "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel
>to the other side of the car?"
>   ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>   Directory Enquiries
>   Caller:               "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in
>Cardiff please".
>   Operator:            "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling
>correct?"
>   Caller:               "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar
>but the 'B' fell off".
>   ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>   Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
>   Operator:         "Woven? Are you sure?"
>   Caller:             "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in
>Scotland ".
>   ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>   On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone
>box told a worried operator:
>   "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number
>on".
>   ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>   Tech Support:      "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
>   Customer:             "OK".
>   Tech Support:      "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
>   Customer:             "No".
>   Tech Support:      "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
>   Customer:             "No".
>   Tech Support:      "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until

>this point?".
>   Customer:            "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote
>'click'".
>   ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>   Tech Support:          "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen,
>can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
>   Customer:                 "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
>   ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>   Caller:  "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised

>that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my
>file back again?".
>   ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>-------------------------------------------
>   There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a
>long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a

>true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a
>recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help

>Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word
>Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
>   Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now
>I know why they record these conversations!):
>
>   Operator:         "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
>   Caller:              "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
>   Operator:         "What sort of trouble??"
>   Caller:              "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden

>the words went away."
>   Operator:         "Went away?"
>   Caller:              "They disappeared."
>   Operator:         "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
>   Caller:              "Nothing."
>   Operator:         "Nothing??"
>   Caller:              "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
>   Operator:         "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
>   Caller:              "How do I tell?"
>   Operator:         "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
>   Caller:              "What's a sea-prompt?"
>   Operator:         "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the
>screen?"
>   Caller:              "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't
>accept anything I type."
>   Operator:         "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
>   Caller:              "What's a monitor?"
>   Operator:         "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like
>a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
>   Caller:               "I don't know."
>   Operator:          "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find
>where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
>   Caller:              "Yes, I think so."
>   Operator:         "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if
>it's plugged into the wall.
>   Caller:              "Yes, it is."
>   Operator:         "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that

>there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
>   Caller:               "No."
>   Operator:          "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again

>and find the other cable."
>   Caller:               "Okay, here it is."
>   Operator:          "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged
>securely into the back of your computer."
>   Caller:               "I can't reach."
>   Operator:          "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
>   Caller:               "No."
>   Operator:          "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and
>lean way over??"
>   Caller:               "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle

>- it's because it's dark."
>   Operator:          "Dark??"
>   Caller:               "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light

>I have is coming in from the window."
>   Operator:        "Well, turn on the office light then."
>   Caller:               "I can't."
>   Operator:          "No? Why not??"
>   Caller:               "Because there's a power failure."
>   Operator:         "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've
>got it licked now.
>   Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer
>came in??"
>   Caller:               "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
>   Operator:           "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack
>it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you
>bought it from."
>   Caller:                "Really? Is it that bad?"
>   Operator:            "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
>   Caller:                 "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell

>them??"
>   Operator:            "Tell them you're too $*%ing stupid to own a
>computer!!!!!"
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----
>
>Find the coolest online games at XtraMSN Games
>
>
>
>--
>No virus found in this incoming message.
>Checked by AVG Free Edition.
>Version: 7.1.409 / Virus Database: 268.15.6/567 - Release Date: 4/12/2006
>
>
>
>--
>No virus found in this outgoing message.
>Checked by AVG Free Edition.
>Version: 7.1.409 / Virus Database: 268.15.6/567 - Release Date: 4/12/2006
>
>
>
>--
>No virus found in this incoming message.
>Checked by AVG Free Edition.
>Version: 7.5.430 / Virus Database: 268.15.15/580 - Release Date: 8/12/2006
>12:53 p.m.
>
>
>
>--
>No virus found in this outgoing message.
>Checked by AVG Free Edition.
>Version: 7.5.430 / Virus Database: 268.15.15/580 - Release Date: 8/12/2006
>12:53 p.m.
>
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----
>
>No virus found in this incoming message.
>Checked by AVG Free Edition.
>Version: 7.0.409 / Virus Database: 268.15.15/581 - Release Date: 12/9/06
>
>
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----
>
>
>No virus found in this incoming message.
>Checked by AVG Free Edition.
>Version: 7.1.409 / Virus Database: 268.15.15/581 - Release Date: 9/12/2006

_________________________________________________________________
Shop 'til you drop at XtraMSN Shopping http://shopping.xtramsn.co.nz/home/

Internal Virus Database is out-of-date.
Checked by AVG Free Edition.
Version: 7.1.409 / Virus Database: 268.15.15/581 - Release Date: 9/12/2006

Reply | Forward | Messages in this Topic (1)

#49

From: "Andrew Frizzell" <afrizzell@...>
Date: Mon Dec 11, 2006 6:11 am
Subject: FW: IF MEN DESIGNED CHRISTMAS PAPER...

arfrizzell

Offline

Send Email

>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>         Subject: IF MEN DESIGNED CHRISTMAS PAPER...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----
>
>
>No virus found in this incoming message.
>Checked by AVG Free Edition.
>Version: 7.5.432 / Virus Database: 268.15.15/579 - Release Date: 12/7/2006
>1:31 PM

Reply | Forward | Messages in this Topic (1)

#48

From: Stephen Greenhalgh <stephen_greenhalgh@...>
Date: Sun Dec 10, 2006 9:39 am
Subject: Fwd: [DiliHash] you couldn't make it up

stephen_gree...

Offline

Send Email

--- Chris Steel <chris.steel@...> wrote:

> To: dilihash@..., Jean
> <jean.dunk@...>,
>  Tracy Dunk <tracydunkgato@...>
> From: Chris Steel <chris.steel@...>
> Date: Sun, 26 Nov 2006 11:03:21 +0900
> Subject: [DiliHash] you couldn't make it up
>
> Worth a peek.
> Chris
>
> --
> Chris Steel, CP 93, Dili, Timor-Leste (via Darwin)
> Tel +670 725 8490
> Villa #2, Timor Lodge, Dili
>
>
>

________________________________________________________________________________\
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Reply | Forward | Messages in this Topic (1)

#47

From: Stephen Greenhalgh <stephen_greenhalgh@...>
Date: Sun Dec 10, 2006 9:40 am
Subject: Fwd: [DiliHash] road safety awareness from Denmark: How to show speed signs!

stephen_gree...

Offline

Send Email

--- John A C Steel <jacsteel@...> wrote:

> To: dilihash@...
> From: "John A C Steel" <jacsteel@...>
> Date: Fri, 24 Nov 2006 09:34:10 +0900
> Subject: [DiliHash] road safety awareness from
> Denmark: How to show speed signs!
>
> And for the friday entertainment
>
>
> www.speedbandits.dk
>
> A novel take on road safety awareness from Denmark:
> How to show  speed signs!
>
>
> ===============================
> John A C Steel
> Caixa Postal 93, Dili, Rep�blica Democr�tica de
> Timor-Leste
> Celula: +670 725 7885    Fax: +44 870-134-7286
> Skype phone: +44 121 288 5496 (+9hrs GMT) Skype:
> jacsteel-timor
> Email: jacsteel@...
> MAFF Website:
> http://www.timor-leste.gov.tl/MAFF/index.htm
>
>




________________________________________________________________________________\
____
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Go to www.Answers.yahoo.com and get answers from real people who know.

Reply | Forward | Messages in this Topic (1)

#46

From: Stephen Greenhalgh <stephen_greenhalgh@...>
Date: Sun Dec 10, 2006 9:39 am
Subject: Fwd: [DiliHash] Where's the remote..??

stephen_gree...

Offline

Send Email

--- Big Fossil <bigfoss@...> wrote:

> To: <dilihash@...>
> From: "Big Fossil" <bigfoss@...>
> Date: Fri, 8 Dec 2006 12:55:32 +0900
> Subject: [DiliHash] Where's the remote..??
>
> Was this left behind by the male hasher who was
> heard to ask all the females
> present to clean up after the circle?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

________________________________________________________________________________\
____
Need a quick answer? Get one in minutes from people who know.
Ask your question on www.Answers.yahoo.com

Reply | Forward | Messages in this Topic (1)

#45

From: Stephen Greenhalgh <stephen_greenhalgh@...>
Date: Sun Dec 10, 2006 9:38 am
Subject: Fwd: [DiliHash] New Toy

stephen_gree...

Offline

Send Email

--- Big Fossil <bigfoss@...> wrote:

> To: <dilihash@...>
> From: "Big Fossil" <bigfoss@...>
> Date: Sun, 10 Dec 2006 11:00:39 +0900
> Subject: [DiliHash] New Toy
>
> By request, as this seems to have been missed last
> time it was sent as it
> was at the bottom of another message:
>
>
>
> -----
>
>
>
> How bored do they get in New Jersey?
>
>
>
> I mean, you gotta hand it to the sceptics for upping
> the ante with weapons
> of m'arse destruction.
>
>
>
> OK, read it carefully
>
>
>
> US Patent 6,055,910
>
>
>
> It's a fair dinkum US patent, for a fart powered
> rocket launcher.
>
>
>
>




________________________________________________________________________________\
____
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Access over 1 million songs.
http://music.yahoo.com/unlimited

Reply | Forward | Messages in this Topic (1)

#44

From: "Andrew Frizzell" <afrizzell@...>
Date: Thu Dec 7, 2006 9:52 am
Subject: FW: Get a Tazz ??? READ BELOW FIRST

arfrizzell

Offline

Send Email

Subject: Get a Tazz ??? READ BELOW FIRST

This vehicle was stolen.

It was then in an accident.

3 cows were found inside --- tied up and squashed in !! --- see the 1st(0512) and 2nd(0510) photos.

When the cows were removed the vehicle appeared as in photo 3(0514) --- rear seat and front passenger seat had been removed to fit the cattle

!!!

The last photo shows the 3 cows after their release --- remarkably unscratched.!!!

Only in South Africa !!!

Volkswagen of South Africa (Pty) Ltd. (Reg No. 1946/023458/07)
Chairman: Dr B Pischetsrieder*
Managing Director: A Tostmann*
Directors: M Glendinning (Sales & Marketing), C Isensee* (Finance), S Macozoma, BK Smith (Human Resources), N Maliza (Corporate and Government Affairs)

German*

DISCLAIMER : Volkswagen of South Africa (Pty) Ltd

Any views expressed in this message are those of the individual sender.
No liability shall attach whatsoever to VWSA from this communication except
where the sender is acting on specific authority of VWSA, such authority
being public record and acknowledged by VWSA by nature of the employee's
functions. This document may in no way be photocopied, printed, scanned or
electronically duplicated for any purposes other than that for which it was originally
intended.
If you are not the intended recipient of this communication, please discard
this message and notify VWSA immediately at postmaster@....

Reply | Forward | Messages in this Topic (1)

#43

From: "Andrew Frizzell" <afrizzell@...>
Date: Mon Dec 4, 2006 6:12 am
Subject: FW: Deadly virus

arfrizzell

Offline

Send Email

Essential for a Monday morning

DEADLY VIRUS

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and
By hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else
Via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life
Completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two
Good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as
Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or
Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote
Repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

--
This message has been scanned for viruses and
dangerous content by MailScanner, and is
believed to be clean.
--
This message has been scanned for viruses and
dangerous content by MailScanner, and is
believed to be clean.

No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG Free Edition.
Version: 7.5.430 / Virus Database: 268.14.14/548 - Release Date: 2006/11/23 03:22 PM

This message and any attached files may contain information that is confidential and/or subject of legal privilege intended only for use by the intended recipient. If you are not the intended recipient or the person responsible for delivering the message to the intended recipient, be advised that you have received this message in error and that any dissemination, copying or use of this message or attachment is strictly forbidden, as is the disclosure of the information therein. If you have received this message in error please notify the sender immediately and delete the message.

Reply | Forward | Messages in this Topic (1)

#42

From: "Andrew Frizzell" <afrizzell@...>
Date: Mon Dec 4, 2006 6:03 am
Subject: FW: There is bound to be a chuckle in at least one of these..

arfrizzell

Offline

Send Email

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

                   ==========================

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts"
(talk about a news flash)
                   ===========================

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

                   ==========================

On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????..)

              =======================


               On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
                       (That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
                   ====================================

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
                                              ===========================

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)

                   ============================

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion.)

              ========================

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)

              ==============================

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(..I'm taking this because???....)

                   ==============================

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)

                   ==========================

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

                   ==============================

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)

                   ===========================

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

                   ========================

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

                   ===========================

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even chuckle)...

           =============================

Everyone is raving about the all-new Yahoo! Mail beta.

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#41

From: "Andrew Frizzell" <afrizzell@...>
Date: Fri Dec 1, 2006 5:36 am
Subject: FW: ~ 25... NO PROBLEM

arfrizzell

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One day after I had been married for 25 years, I took a look at my wife
and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept

on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep

every night with a hot 25 year old brunette.

.

Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and 42 inch screen TV, but I'm
sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding
up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman.

She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old brunette, and she would
make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a
cheap car, and sleeping on a sofa bed.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis

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