Martial Arts movies, you either love them or you hate them. There is
no middle ground. They invoke passion on either side. If you love
them you'll probably watch any old rubbish so long as there is some
chance of someone getting a kick to the head. What's more you will
probably even get a kick (pun totally intended) out of the cheesy
badly dubbed dialogue. Classic lines to be found in almost any
Chinese movie are, "My uncle sent me" and "My mother told me not to
fight". They are uttered by the hero and are brilliant. They usually
precede the first big fight in which lifelong friends and enemies are
made. Formulas are big in martial arts movies.
The most classic and unchangeable formula is the one for the final
fight scene. This is the one on one fight between the ultimate baddie
and the ultimate goodie. The hero always starts well, he climbs into
the bad guy and gains the upper hand. It looks like it could all be
plain sailing and then the bad guy gets in a few well placed kicks
and punches. The hero starts to bleed and breathe heavily and they
retreat to circle each other and eye each other warily. In the second
round the hero gets roughed up quite badly but he still manages to
get in a few good licks here and there, mostly it belongs the to the
bad guy. The hero usually has a swollen eye or a limp or an old
injury has flared up again or something similar. In round three the
hero gets the bejeesus beaten out of him. You'd think he'd never
learned to fight at all. The size of the can of whippass that gets
opened is not to be rivaled. Until round four. When something
inspirational happens to the hero. He either catches a glimpse of the
girl he loves or he remembers her in a particularly touching moment
or he remembers some very sage advice from his mentor or he just gets
the absolute hell in with the evil laughing son of a, and he pulls
himself towards himself and fights like nobody's business. The bad
guys is overwhelmed, and depending on the movie, is either knocked
out cold or knocked out dead. The hero bloody and maimed but
victorious....

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