Okay, I found the blatant typo in my earlier post, and have corrected.  I don't
know if I deleted my prior posts in a way you cannot see them anymore, so let me
reiterate:

Pubicle: thank you for your service as an adjunct Hash Trash Research Assistant
wwho helped get this trash distributed.

And sorry for being so slow, but I've gathered some covert technological
intelligence that has allowed me to get a jump on the next trail.  I said it
better in my prior post.  I'm done.  I hope to see you all tomorrow at the
Incredibly Wet Mucous Hole Hash!

On-on,

Stiffany

LVH3 Trail 109 - Think Pink Hash

The pack gathered in the parking lot of the Promenade Shops on a cold October
afternoon with temps about 20 degrees below normal.  It could have been worse,
with much of the prior two days filled with a cold rain, and even some rare
autumn snowflakes.  Regardless, I would've probably showed if it was raining
fire and brimstone—this was for breasts, dammit!  Well, that and
my…uh…persistent absence of scheduling conflicts.

Everyone loves breasts, as proven by the solid turnout of an exceedingly well
dressed pack.  There were pink tube tops, pink tights, pink boas (and these were
just the men, mind you); Incredibly Wet's beerleading uniform; Likes to Blow's
outfit that looked like he mugged somebody's grandma and stole her ladies'
leisure suit…and boobs; and STD's Celine Deon shirt, white and pink pants, and a
pink jean jacket…was it me or did it fit a little too comfortably, like you
could run into him in that outfit on any given night at the Stonewall?

The shops are located near world renowned Saucon Valley Country Club, which
hosted the world's best breasted golfers (sans John Daly) at the 2009 Women's US
Open.  Also nearby is DeSales University, opened in 1964 as a college for the
knockerless, but opened to bebusomed students as of 1970.  And the name of this
town is Center Valley, which sounds a little like a euphemism for cleavage.

So what more can I say about jugs?  Well, the trail was shaped like a pair—two
large adjacent loops…a clever touch by our hares Birthday Suit and Jacuzzi
Floozy, traditional hares of the Think Pink hash.  The first boob left the
parking lot and dove right into the shiggy surrounding the shopping plaza. 
After some confusion, and an unplanned water crossing (our hares insist that the
stream was jumpable before the recent rain) the pack made its way over to the
campus of Olympus Corporation's US Headquarters--the maker of optical equipment
such as cameras sometimes used to take pictures of breasts and microscopes
sometimes used for cancer research.  The pack got confused and temporarily
waylaid, and saw our first dead deer of the afternoon, meticulously picked clean
by a scavenger…except the head…apparently the scavenger did not like head. 
After some half-minded wandering, the pack made its way off the Olympus campus
to a vacant cul de sac where the first check convened.  On Golden Showers and
Incredibly Wet arrived as co-FRB's.

The undercupping portion of the first mammary brought us parallel to the main
road, back into shopping plaza.  This could be considered the cleavage of the
trail (or "center valley" wink, wink).  Near to the check, the pack stopped off
at Sweet and Sassy, a place that specializes in beauty products for the
not-yet-hooter-hung.  We were given party prizes—little packets of bath bubbles
or "fizzies" that looked just like candy.  Everyone, after nearly starting to
eat them, was waiting for someone half-minded enough to actually do it, but our
pack was unfortunately lacking any Reading hashers.  Oh, I tease…but kind of
think it would be fun to start an interhash feud.

After Sweet and Sassy, a contingent of FRB-types zigged when we should have
zagged.  I was the first to get back on track and promptly came upon a "SC" in
front of a pavilion in the middle of the shops.  The S in this case stood for
Skippy—that curious pink concoction that shows up once a year.  It has beer,
vodka, and pink lemonade mix…and somehow is pretty good.  The pack gathered and
drank right in the middle of the Promenade Shops, proving that a group wearing
pink during Breast Cancer Awareness Month can get away with anything.  "We could
murder someone!" Quick N Little suggested enthusiastically.  That may be true,
but I have a feeling if the hares obliged the kid trying to buy a cup of
"lemonade" we would've found the limit of good will.  Anyhow, the general
atmosphere of this check, including the fire in the pavilion's fireplace, made
this one of the coolest checks of any trail I've ever run.  Well done, Ladies.

After some time taking in the warmth of the fireplace and skippy, the pack set
out on the second boob.  The trail left the shopping plaza again, passing the
Red Robin where the pack lost a couple hashers to warmth and hard liquor…Lard
Licker we're looking at you, and you too Likes it in the Rear.  The pack crossed
the Center Valley Parkway,  meandered through the parking lot of another office
building before ducking into nearby woods.

The pack encountered another beer check at an abandoned stone quarry/industrial
cemetery.  Emerging from the woods after most of the pack, covered all over in
briars (what were they rolling in the things?) were Dirty White Trash and Cause
for Blindness.  I just report, I don't make any judgments.  At this stop, our
hares handed out lyric sheets for a choral tribute to ta-tas--99 Words for
Boobs, sung to the tune of 99 Luftballoons (my favorite German anti-nuclear
proliferation pop song after David Hasselhoff's "Machen Liebe Nicht
Atombombes").  The song was amusing and educational--who knew "armadillo" was a
word for boob--and a video version with accompanying imagery is widely available
on the internet for those who missed out.

The last leg started with some confusion, the pack overlooking flour laid in a
circle atop an abandoned truck tire.  From there, most of the pack abandoned
trail and strolled down the Parkway toward the starting point.  Birthday Suit,
I'm sure it was a great trail…sorry.  On this march, we passed the second dead
deer of the trail, exceeding the usual deer corpse average.  The trail ended
back at the start point.  After corralling stray hashers from Red Robin and
Starbucks, the circle convened.  The circle contained the usual array of
accusations and songs.  Faking It received a belated birthday down down, and
Cause for Blindness for becoming a grandmother.  And a special Think Pink shout
out to Cause, whose boobs I've probably seen more than anyone else's over the
past year, and my vision is no worse for it.

There was one more element of the trail—the hares had scattered shower rings
along the trail (think Sonic the Hedgehog) and whoever collected the most got a
prize.  In second place, picking up two, was Dirty White Trash.  The winner was
On Golden Showers, who had three, but there are rumors of bribery involving
sexual favors (some sort of "water sport"?  I don't want to know…) but absent
any proof, he won the grand prize—a frilly, decorate-it-yourself visor, which he
promptly forgot at the on-after.

All in all, it was a great day (weather notwithstanding), a great trail, all for
a great cause.  My only complaint is that the only breast I saw exposed today
was Dirty White Trash's--pert but a bit hairy for my taste.

Hares, thanks for a titty…I mean shitty trail.  Well laid—we look forward to
next October.

LVH3 Trail 110 - Halloween Hash (Or the inaugural running of the Neverland Ranch
H3)

So now that I've extolled the virtues of breasts, and posited that everyone
loves them, let's transition to someone who never showed a particular interest
in them: Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, Ruler of Rhinoplasty, the Pope of
Pubescent Penis…and the theme for this year's Halloween Hash .  Hashers took a
variety of approaches to the theme—spanning his life from Jackson 5 Michael
(me), to a few Thriller era Michaels (Mangina, STD--btw, how the hell did a red
leather jacket stay unclaimed in Goodwill during this particular Halloween
season?  Score!), Pepsi Commercial era Michael—Teabag with a burning fro, a few
Bad era Michaels (Ate-a-Puss, J-Flooze, Pubicle), late-life freaky Michael (On
Golden Showers); the song related costumes—Hard Licker as Annie from Smooth
Criminal, QNL as Billie Jean "Is not my Lover" King; Stick it In as Michael
dangling little Blanket over a balcony; Trashley Molsen as Blanket being dangled
over the balcony; Faking it as Blanket Jackson Jefferson from South Park; Trail
Bait Molsen as Farrah Fawcett, whose death was cruelly upstaged by Michael's;
and finally, Grab Bag as a suicide bomber…which I assume he intended as a
symbolic statement about the potential self-destructive nature of fame, and the
collateral damage to all those nearby.  That's really deep, man.

As the pack headed out on trail, laid by hares Mangina and Ate-a-Puss Complex
(thanks to Mangina for hosting!), we were greeted with honks and shouts, people
coming out onto their porches to watch us pass.  The first beer check was at the
Madison Inn, a 3rd shift bar that opens at 7 AM, and most of the patrons
apparently had been there since then.  I was mistaken for Arnold Horshak by some
toothless relative of Bobby Riggs (or so he claimed) who struck up a
conversation with Billy Jean King.  He was the sort of guy to whom you say,
"Nice to meet you," and turn around and try to talk to someone else to get rid
of him, but two minutes later he's still there eagerly waiting to continue the
conversation you escaped.  The patrons were all like this.  Ahem, hares, I think
it's time to get going.

The second leg took us to Jabber Jaws where we met a very enthusiastic Michael
Jackson fan, who was happy to fill the jukebox with MJ songs.  By my tenth time
hearing "Thriller" I was about to go "Beat It" on somebody (you know, pull a
switchblade and start dance-attacking.)  Mangina, lacking any of MJ's
discography, bought that song online before the pack arrived and had it playing
on endless loop before we headed out.  Be warned, I might dance-attack if you
ever play that song around me.

The next leg meandered northwest to Ringer's Roost.  This beer check was most
notable for a very clever eyeball martini ordered by Hard Licker (pictures
available on Hash Flash).  It was also notable for another reveler dressed as an
androgynous Don King.  After much study, this was actually a white woman painted
in brown body paint from head to toe.  I had considered going the brown paint
route, which would've made me less likely to be mistaken for Arnold Horshak, but
also much more likely to get shot.

The last leg of trail brought us to Lumpy Lou's where we were served by a
bartender with a court-ordered ankle bracelet.  Maybe it's not my place to say,
but if you`re wearing one of those, maybe you should find an office job or
something.  There was also a huge platter of free beef barbeque.  Thanks Lou. 
And a round of buttery nipples courtesy of On Golden Showers.  Thanks OGS.

The pack filtered out of Lumpy's back to Mangina's place.  There was pizza, and
beer, and liquor, and more beer and more liquor, and even some Jesus Juice.  By
the time the circle was actually organized (using the word very loosely) it was
a hot mess on a damp, chilly night.  The air in the garage was thick with sweat,
beer breath, and burning hair.  The accusations were more baseless and absurd
than ever, and the songs more off-key.  It was a merciful end when the pack went
off to get a piece.

Most hashers stuck around to watch Game 3 of the World Series.  I was tucked
into a bottle of scotch by then, and don't remember the end of the game too
well, so here is how I will choose to remember it.  A Joba Chamberlain meltdown
in the 8th opened the door to a stunning 9th inning comeback by the Phillies who
scored the winning run on a critical error by A-Rod.  Seizing the momentum, the
Phils went on to sweep the remaining games and win in 5, just like Jimmy Rollins
predicted.  And everyone lived happily ever after.

Mangina and Puss, thanks for a "thrilling" trail.  Sorry, I'm out of good jokes.

Until the next one, your humble and frustratingly slow scribe,

Stiffany

GOIN TO CHECK OUT LOOPERS FOR THE 1st TIME TONITE. IF ANYONE IS DOWN COME MEET
US
-----Original Message-----
Date: Monday, November 16, 2009 5:57:09 pm
To: "yahoo group" <lvh3@yahoogroups.com>
From: "Quick-n-Little" <quicknlittle@...>
Subject: [LVH3] Saturday's Hash Details!!


Saturday is a hashing day, so be there for the Debut of Incredibly Wet and High
School Mucus Hole's Trexlertown Trail.

Details below!  On-On, QNL


When:  November 21st

Where: Pack
will meet at the white water tower, labeled "Trexler Mall" behind the
Kohls/Giant shopping Center.  Google 6900 Hamilton BLVD Trexlertown PA
to get directions to the site.  Hare tells us start is directly behind
the Trexler F*tness Plaza

Time:  2:00

Hash Cash: 5.00

Hares: IW and Mucushole

Details:When
you're hashing with Incredibly Wet and Mucus Hole, the hares tell us,
you'd better bring your rubbers.  Join our hares for a trail that's
sure to fill your shiggy quota for the month! On-On!!

_________________________________________________________________
Bing brings you maps, menus, and reviews organized in one place.
http://www.bing.com/search?q=restaurants&form=MFESRP&publ=WLHMTAG&crea=TEXT_MFES\
RP_Local_MapsMenu_Resturants_1x1

hahaha
-----Original Message-----
Date: Thursday, November 19, 2009 6:52:46 am
To: <grabbagjgh3@...>, <lvh3@yahoogroups.com>, <go4heatherwalke@...>
From: "scott atiyeh" <atiyeh99@...>
Subject: RE: [LVH3] Re: Saturday


WOW!

To: lvh3@yahoogroups.com; go4heatherwalke@...
From: grabbagjgh3@...
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 2009 03:38:02 -0800
Subject: Re: [LVH3] Re: Saturday




























                priceless

--- On Wed, 11/18/09, Heather Walke <go4heatherwalke@...> wrote:


From: Heather Walke <go4heatherwalke@...>
Subject: Re: [LVH3] Re: Saturday
To: lvh3@yahoogroups.com
Date: Wednesday, November 18, 2009, 10:34 PM




Guess I'll drink for that...CRAP!  (Mental Note:  Do not sample the product and
email. Remember to delete the address you were looking up if you don't intend to
send it to them.)


It's all good, On-on!
-IW


On Wed, Nov 18, 2009 at 9:56 PM, <jim.warrenfeltz@ gmail.com> wrote:


Haha, oops! Down down down!

-Testes
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry


From: Heather Walke <go4heatherwalke@ gmail.com>
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 2009 21:52:18 -0500
To: Katie Pulizzano<katie.pulizzano@ gmail.com>

hahahaha
-----Original Message-----
Date: Thursday, November 19, 2009 6:52:46 am
To: <grabbagjgh3@...>, <lvh3@yahoogroups.com>, <go4heatherwalke@...>
From: "scott atiyeh" <atiyeh99@...>
Subject: RE: [LVH3] Re: Saturday


WOW!

To: lvh3@yahoogroups.com; go4heatherwalke@...
From: grabbagjgh3@...
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 2009 03:38:02 -0800
Subject: Re: [LVH3] Re: Saturday




























                priceless

--- On Wed, 11/18/09, Heather Walke <go4heatherwalke@...> wrote:


From: Heather Walke <go4heatherwalke@...>
Subject: Re: [LVH3] Re: Saturday
To: lvh3@yahoogroups.com
Date: Wednesday, November 18, 2009, 10:34 PM




Guess I'll drink for that...CRAP!  (Mental Note:  Do not sample the product and
email. Remember to delete the address you were looking up if you don't intend to
send it to them.)


It's all good, On-on!
-IW


On Wed, Nov 18, 2009 at 9:56 PM, <jim.warrenfeltz@ gmail.com> wrote:


Haha, oops! Down down down!

-Testes
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry


From: Heather Walke <go4heatherwalke@ gmail.com>
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 2009 21:52:18 -0500
To: Katie Pulizzano<katie.pulizzano@ gmail.com>