“When one divorcee drinks, all divorcees drink” (cause for blindness)

The third annual holiday hump pub-crawl more than lived up to expectations this year.  What did we expect, you might ask?  Unbridled debauchery, mass consumption of fermented beverages, obnoxious celebrating in the pubs, and chaos on trail, that’s what!  Yep, more than lived up to expectation this year.  Hare for the night was early withdrawal, with his proverbial “robin” at his side in Grabbag.  Early was there for the pubs, and Grabbag there for the pain.  In fact, it was his duty to lay the Eagle, while early laid the Turkey, but did early lay a turkey?  Stay tuned, dear reader…
    As the pack gathered at Loopers Pub, all the regulars began to show.  Tots and Peed, Ateapuss, Teabag, Tina Faux, Deadwood, Second Coming, Faking It, Palm Pilot, Mangina, Trailbait (can I take a picture with you?), Floozy, Hard Licker, Grabbag and Early, of course, Grandma Blows-his, SBD, Big Pussy, The Cause, and some newer regulars, Just John, Just Terri, Remember Love, and assorted others.  There were also a half-dozen virgins ready to dive headfirst into the craziness about to ensue.
    Brief opening circle explained that turkeys went one way, eagles the next.  Welcome the virgins, roll call, and we’re out.  I chose the eagle, as I’m typically a fan of Grabbag’s trails, and I’m dying to catch the bastard.  About 8 or so more came along on the ET.  The rest followed an urban walk to the first check at the Bridgeworks.  The eagle proved interesting in a few ways.  First, I did find a great hello kitty stool in the woods that I carried for quite a while.  Secondly, this leg very (almost exactly) mirrored a leg laid last year by Likes to Blow, and what a leg it was. Much uphill drudgery, a lot of urban iffy ness, and a trot through a dark cemetery and hill.  Puss, Faking It, and I did most of this leg, but shortcut the cemetery (remembering last year’s trail).  When we arrived at the Bridgeworks, we found the rest of the eagles were still out, despite following true trail.  About 20 minutes or so later they made it in, thirsty and confused, but eager for more.  Soon, they got their wish.  The second leg also had two options. Again, I opted for the eagle, but the pack was smaller this time.  Remember Love, Teabag, Just Terri, and Second Coming and I searched this leg out.  It went almost immediately to Lehigh’s campus, and up “the hill”, winding around, checking us occasionally, but in general providing a very cool trail.  The campus was kind of deserted, as it is the holiday break, and it was dark and foggy on the hill.  However, a cool trail took us almost straight up, wound us back around a bit, and right back down to the Talley Ho Tavern.  We arrived before the rest of the pack, despite being only three real blocks from the Bridgeworks.  Where the hell were the turkeys?  More importantly, where the hell are the bartenders?  We did find those, and commenced our second leg stop over, waiting for the rest of the half-minds.   As it turns out, they “caught” Early on his second leg, and wound up beer-checking at the Funhouse, almost directly across the street from the Bridgeworks.  So, they spent some time there, did the third leg to the Ho, and met up with us. 
    It was at this time that I noticed Hard Licker was getting pretty friendly in general.  She had that look in her eyes that told me she was in a drinkin’ mood.  After all, she had just received word that her divorce was finalized.  No, not earlier that week, or even that day, but at Loopers!  So, she was celebrating, as was the rest of the pack.  In fact, judging by the shape of them when they got to the Ho, I figured they must have stopped at a few bars on the way.  Typical LVH3 pub-crawl.  At some point in the night, a light switch goes off somewhere and all of a sudden, everyone is a wreck!  Last night was no exception.
    Anyway, we were off on leg four, which took us directly to JP McGrady’s Pub.  Here we were welcomed cordially by the staff, who were well familiar with our antics and just carted us to the back room.  A multitude of circle pitchers were purchased, and the pack headed to the back deck for religion.  Normal down-downs were meted out for virgins, visitors, lazy hashers, and the like.  Accusations for tech on trail, hash crash, and auto hashing (big pussy).  A naming was held for Just John, who, due to some inner confusion, couldn’t make up his mind on Halloween.  Was he a rabbit?  Was he a cat?  No need to decide, Just John, for now, you are Hare-e-Pussy.  The “e”, being pointed out, serving as an homage to our language’s earliest Latin roots, standing for “and”.  Ok, enough of my mindless recollections. What else happened?  I had to leave to get my little friend home from the pub.  As Tots, Floozy, and I “helped” Hard Licker get into my car, I heard a horn in the distance.  It got louder and louder as I noticed Grabbag’s van coming up 3rd street, him seated at the drivers seat, oblivious to anyone around him, blowing his bugle at top volume, speeding down the street. Pretty freaking funny.  A pretty freaking funny night all-around.  On-Out…QNL

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